205 | Why You Keep Outgrowing Coaches, Mentors & Advice: Understanding Frequency Collision

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Have you ever hired a coach, mentor, or consultant who seemed like the perfect fit, only to leave feeling more disconnected from yourself?

In this episode, I explore the concept of frequency collision, a term introduced to me by David Ghiyam that explains why even great advice can feel completely wrong when it isn't aligned with who you are.

We often assume that someone with bigger results automatically has greater wisdom, but the truth is that success doesn't always equal alignment. Sometimes the discomfort you're feeling isn't resistance, its discernment telling you that you're abandoning yourself to follow someone else's path.

This conversation is about learning to trust your intuition, choosing mentors whose energy aligns with yours, and returning home to your own inner authority.

In this episode, we cover:

• What frequency collision means 
• Why results don't always equal wisdom 
• The difference between growth and self-abandonment 
• Why resistance can be discernment 
• Finding mentors who strengthen your intuition 
• Becoming your own authority in business and life

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Learn more about David Ghiyam
• Guided Light Healing (Alessandro) 

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Transcript

Introduction

Erin Gray 0:00

Welcome back to Your Money, Your Roles. Today I want to talk about a term I recently heard from David Guillaume when I was asking him about some things that had come up for me. And the term is called a frequency collision. He described it as what happens when two different energetic states, typically two people, meet and clash because they're operating at different frequencies or different levels of frequency. There's no right or wrong here. They're just operating at different levels of frequency. And if you're listening, probably experience this too. So let's side in. This

What Is Frequency Collision?

Erin Gray 0:35

podcast is going to go hand in hand with episode 204. So if you haven't listened to that one, go back, listen to that one as well, because I think they will tie in beautifully. We spent many years hiring coaches, mentors, consultants, advisors, healers. What else is there? Experts, if you want to say that, you know, hoping that someone could give you the answer. And for a long time, I thought that the frustration that I felt, and let me just say this first, actually, that every mentor that I have had has served its purpose, right? Whether it's I've stuck with them till the end or I've stopped after I paid them because I got into the container and it just wasn't a yes for me. And I recognize that what they were selling isn't what they were actually providing. Everyone has has been a beautiful part on my journey along the way to where I've gotten to now. So I have recognized that as I have grown and developed, that some of my frustration that I used to feel in coaching

Why Results Are Not Wisdom

Erin Gray 1:32

relationships or coaching containers or courses or whatever you want to call it, wasn't because I wasn't coachable enough. It wasn't because I wasn't implementing enough or trying hard enough or committed enough or put whatever in front of enough, whatever I told myself was the issue. It was because when someone has the results that you want, which this is what I mentioned on the previous episode, episode 204, about, you know, we hire people because they have those results that we want. It's easy to assume that they possess the wisdom that you don't. And one of the most, if you call it pricey, pricey and valuable lessons that I have gathered along the way is that results and wisdom are not the same thing. Someone can have more money than you, they can have a, you know, more revenue in their business, a bigger team than you, like insert all of the bigger, more, all the things there, more credentials than you, but they still won't know what is best and what is right for you. I remember so often, you know, like whether it was a one-on-one coach or even being in like group containers or courses, I was a yes originally to hiring them. And that was part of me following my intuition. And when I got into the container, when I got into the course or their group program or whatever it was, what I would feel is this isn't actually what I signed up for. And I felt myself maybe getting smaller, less expressed, more confused, more doubting myself, more disconnected from my knowing. And sometimes I would leave calls questioning because I had felt clear coming in, then getting coached on something, and then leaving being like, well, that doesn't sit right with me, or that doesn't like actually the advice that I got doesn't feel like that's actually what I actually want to do in my business. And so it was this windy path of feeling like I needed to become somebody that I wasn't in order to succeed. And because I respected these people, because they had lots of credentials and they had lots of revenue and clients and all of these things, I assumed or thought that maybe I was the one that needed to change. And what I slowly began to realize, right, because awareness doesn't always happen in the moment, but what I slowly began to realize was that the advice itself wasn't the actual issue because these people could give advice to somebody else and it would work for them, right? Because here we go back to it was an alignment for them and maybe where they were on their frequency, also on their journey in their business or their path in their business, where they were on their, when I say frequency, frequency and consciousness might be on the same, you know, wavelength there. So for the advice that they give, the coaching that they would give, it's not wrong. It's just who they were giving it

Growth Versus Self Abandonment

Erin Gray 4:40

to might be at the same level that they were at. And I think the issue that I really had to think about is if I follow this advice, am I actually being true to myself or am I abandoning myself? And that is a very different conversation because there is a difference of growth and self-abandonment. Growth, expansion, that allows you to be more of who you are. That's why I always say, like, I'm helping you return back home to yourself because we're not becoming anybody else. We're not becoming somebody new. Like we're stripping the parts of us that never really served us and weren't actually us to begin with, to return home to who we are, right? So growth, expansion, it helps us return home to more of who we are. Self-abandonment, it requires us to become somebody that we aren't. And I think a lot of founders experience this. At least I know for myself, I know for the clients that I've guided along the way and, you know, work with now, like I see it in them. I see obviously where they question themselves, what they tell me, what other advisors have told them and how they have felt with those conversations. I think, you know, in the business world that, you know, a lot of us are being told to scale when what we actually want is intimacy and depth. Maybe we want, you know, I was having a conversation with a client the other day about this. And it's like more revenue doesn't mean you need to add more people on your team. You could actually run a leaner crew with more profitability. Like I did that with my family's construction business. I came in and we had 30-something employees. We went down to 22 to 25 ultimately, and we were more profitable and we had less headaches and the morale was better, right? So it's not like that because you want to scale and grow, you have to. Yes. Now, does hiring more people come into play? Yes, but maybe it's not the way that you've been told that it is supposed to look like. So many of us are told to be loud and be, you know, I think about like social media, and that's one of the things that I'm like coming back to be on to increase my discoverability and connect with other people and recognizing, like, gosh, it feels so loud out there. It's like, look at me, look at me energy versus just like, this is who I am, this is what I do, would love to connect with you and letting that be enough. It feels a lot sometimes like, as my daughter would say, pick me energy, right? Versus for some

Rethinking Scale Loud Marketing Speed

Erin Gray 7:05

of us, what I've found is like we actually don't want to be more loud. We actually enjoy and we love who we are, and our gift is depth and potency. A lot of us want to actually move slower, right? How often have we been told to hurry, to get there, to scale, to grow, to when actually our wisdom is in moving slower. And I I am a firm believer, I don't have all the data yet, but there are a lot of people in the 3D business world that don't know about human design. And I think that that is doing the business world and all of the people that work with them injustice because they're so we move so differently. And when you you can't just sit here and make a blanket claim, like this is the strategy, this is the roadmap, this is what's gonna get you there. Because once again, we're not in your body. We don't know how you like to move. And I think this idea of like, you know, moving quick, like I was telling a friend on a walk the other day, like there's value in actually going slow, whatever, you know, and I'm air quoting for you listening, like whatever slow means to you. But I think so often, because she was kind of telling me about some of the coaches that she had worked with, and they were like, it was almost this like urgency, hurry, fast energy. And I told her, I was like, you need to actually journal on and contemplate what is the value of actually moving slowly. Like we we value speed, but what's the value of moving slow? And so we're told, you know, follow somebody else's roadmap or someone else's strategy, but it's it was never meant to be ours in the first place. So I think of it like when it comes into my mind, I think of it almost like, you know, like in a safe when you can like turn the dial and you hear it click, click, click. We had one in in my family's construction business and it was a you know a three-way, like you turned it one way, you turned it so many times the other way, and then you turned it back so many times. And you could literally hear it when it hit the the correct number, it would click. And that's what I feel like is happening with us as founders is that we are searching for people we want, because we do value being with people that support us and advise us and mentor us, but we want to be able to be in alignment with people so that it clicks. And I think for so many of us, at least for I can speak for my experience and the clients that I've worked with, for so many years, we've been not with the people that have gotten us and we've heard that click, you know? And so when we look and we take advice from someone who's successful and we don't take into account and we don't run it through our filter, we override ourselves, right? We assume that they know better than us because they have more credentials. We assume that, you know, they're seeing something that we aren't. And I think to hear something around like the discomfort that we are feeling, because I talk a lot about resistance and I've heard, you know, people say, like, oh, resistance, you know, or procrastination, like, you know, they have lots of thoughts about that. But I think resistance is a very

Resistance As Discernment And Self Trust

Erin Gray 10:07

important feeling because I think it allows you to, when you slow down, it actually allows you to experience discernment. Like when we're having resistance to something, if you're self-aware, which I'm sure you are because you're listening to this podcast, you know, when you are really self-aware, when you're really tapped into your intuition, that resistance is telling you something. And I think a lot of times it's not actually like avoidance, it's discernment for you to get even more clear on, like, you know, I think of the words that I use with clients a lot is like being precise. And when I say precise, what I mean is like you're so tuned in and tapped in. It's just like the little tiny movements or measurements, you know, will expand you or will help you so much because you are so tuned in and tapped in and precise. And so I really want you to think about like if you're feeling resistance, where is that actually discernment? Years ago, I had a session with Alessandro from Guided Light Healing. He's a brilliant mentor and advisor. I'll put his link as well as David Guillams in the show notes so that you can connect with them if you want to. And when he told me that, it was like this wave of like, I don't know, it just what washed over me was like this this exhale, this true feeling of being seen, probably for the first time by a mentor or an advisor. And I realized that I had spent so many years trying to fit into rooms that required me to become less of myself, less intuitive, less spacious, less depth. And when I mean less depth, I don't mean like surface level. I just mean like I one of my gifts is I go deep and I go deep with people. And that is a gift that I have. And people really like that about me. And so recognizing where I was trying to conform or fit into a box, which then ultimately had me, and nobody did this to me, right? But like because I put myself in these situations, which I I want to say here too, like that this was so important for me because I had to have this experience to then come out on the other side to see, like, no, now I trust myself above anybody else. And I don't outsource my decision making anymore. And so what I have been finding in myself and my clients is that, you know, the mentors that we have hired, they've all served a purpose. They've all provided us valuable information about ourselves. And maybe they were the perfect person for you at the time, but as you grew, um, maybe you outgrew them and that's okay. And they just weren't at the frequency and level that you, you know, grew to, and that's okay. And so I think that for each of us, what we have to realize is that when we decide to work with someone, like, are they on the same frequency? Yes, their words might be saying all of the correct things and checking the boxes, but are they on the same frequency as us? You know, because eventually there comes a point in time where no coach or mentor, advisor, anybody, right? They're never going to give you the answer that you're looking for. You've got to do that. Like, that's an inside job. So you have to trust yourself and empower yourself and become your own authority. You know, you there comes a point in time when you no longer, or you decide, I should say, you decide that you no longer are going to abandon yourself anymore. Like you are the most important person ever. Not above anybody else, right? But like you are the most important person to yourself. And so valuing yourself and what you offer and your knowing and trusting your intuition is so important. You know, the more evolved, developed, conscious I become, the less interested I am in finding people who know more than I do. The people that I actually seek out and want mentorship from or advice or consulting, whatever you might call it, is people that are going to help me hear myself more clearly. They are going to help me tap into my intuition more. They're going to help me even gain a deeper sense of self-trust with myself, right? Strengthen my relationship with myself. So I think our next level is trusting that we have already returned home to the woman who can discern what advice belongs to her and what doesn't. And I think when we use those, you know, when we put on those glasses and we use and we look at things through the that lens, I think it helps us make much clearer, easier decisions.

Closing Reflection And Next Steps

Erin Gray 14:38

So I hope this episode resonated with you. I appreciate you listening. Thank you for joining me every week, and I'll see you in the next episode.