206 | Why Growth Feels So Uncomfortable (And Why You Shouldn't Escape It)

Why does growth often feel the hardest right before your biggest breakthrough?

In this episode, Erin explores what she calls "The Gap". The uncomfortable space between the person you've outgrown and the person you're becoming. She shares why so many entrepreneurs, leaders, and high achievers mistake this season of uncertainty as a sign that something has gone wrong, when in reality, it's often evidence that profound transformation is taking place.

Drawing from her own experiences and the work she does with clients, Erin unpacks why we instinctively try to escape The Gap through overworking, seeking validation, hiring another coach, making impulsive decisions, or distracting ourselves from discomfort. She explains how these patterns are often rooted in our desire for certainty, safety, and control, and why learning to stay present in the discomfort is one of the greatest skills an entrepreneur can develop.

This conversation explores why The Gap isn't something to fear or avoid, but a necessary part of every season of growth. Erin shares how this in-between space reveals the beliefs, coping mechanisms, and patterns that are keeping us from becoming the person we're called to be, while offering practical ways to navigate it with greater self-trust, faith, and emotional resilience.

In this episode, we cover:

• What "The Gap" really is and why every entrepreneur experiences it
• Why growth often feels uncomfortable before results appear
• The common ways we try to escape uncertainty and discomfort
• How seeking external validation keeps us stuck
• The difference between external certainty and internal certainty
• Why regulating your nervous system is essential during seasons of growth
• How to recognize your patterns instead of reacting to them
• Why The Gap is an invitation to deepen your relationship with yourself and with God
• Practical reflection questions to help you move through uncertainty with greater peace and confidence

If you've been questioning your progress, feeling stuck between where you've been and where you're going, or wondering why success feels harder than you expected, this episode will remind you that The Gap isn't a detour.

It's part of the journey.

Because your greatest breakthroughs aren't created by avoiding discomfort.

They're created by becoming the person who can remain grounded, trust the process, and keep moving forward even before the results catch up.

If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs this conversation. 

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Transcript

Naming The Gap

Erin Gray 0:01

Welcome back to Your Money, Your Rules podcast. Today I want to talk about something that I'm currently experiencing. I have experienced multiple times. I'm sure if you're listening to this podcast, this has also occurred within you as well. Because if you're running a business, if you're going after things that you want in your life, going for your dreams and your goals, you're going to experience this. And that is something called the gap. Some people call it the messy middle, the in-between, whatever you want to refer to it as. But for this episode, we'll refer to it as the gap. It's the place where you have let go of who you were, of the old identity of who you were, and where you are moving towards, hasn't fully arrived yet. So let's dive in. So let's talk about wanting to escape the gap because I think that this is natural. This is what humans do. We don't like being in the gap. We don't like how it feels in our body. And the gap is that space between what I call it's the difference between what the 3D world, if you were to look at, let's just say your PL or your revenue, if you were to look at your 3D numbers, they don't represent what where you are going. That 3D hasn't yet caught up with the 5D, right? You have become someone new, you have a new identity, you are taking action from that new place. And the results or the 3D world, the numbers in the bank account, the revenue, the body, whatever it might be that you're working on, hasn't yet come to fruition yet. And because a lot of us aren't used to feeling this way or don't like the way that it feels in our body, we want to do something to make it go away. So I want you to think about, and this what I'm gonna list off here is you could do some of these things, you could do all of them, you could do one of them. I just thought about some of the things that I used to do. I've gotten a lot better at this. I'm not perfect. Like I said, I'm currently in this right now. And I recognized the, I think it was yesterday, I messaged a friend and I was like, I'm sitting here and I'm in the gap. And I'm just being really compassionate and loving with myself because it's

The Urge To Escape

Erin Gray 2:12

sometimes I think you just get to a point where you're like, what else can you do? So think about what are your go-tos when it comes to being in the gap? Do you go to overworking? Do you get, and I'm air quoting, you know, busy? Do you take a course or think you need to hire somebody else or maybe even an employee or hire another mentor or advisor? Do you start making impulsive or or fast, quick decisions? Do you start feeling doubt? Do you get pulled back to the familiar and what you're used to doing? Are you a social media scroller? You know, like do you zone out and watch Netflix or Apple TV? One of the things that I noticed I used to do when I was in the gap is I would message my friends. Yes, I did say I messaged my friend last night, but we were already kind of talking about back and forth some other things, and I was just sharing with her. But what I recognized a couple of years ago is I would be in the gap and then I would want to text my friends to kind of share what I was going through. But it was coming from this place of like, I don't like this feeling in my body. Please give me some certainty. Let me take some certainty for you so I can feel secure and safe and certain about what's going on. Like I was seeking their validation, their support because I hadn't yet built that and anchored that into with my own self and my own being. And I think a lot of us, you know, mistake that this discomfort, this uneasy feeling that we are feeling in our body is a sign that something has gone wrong, or maybe, you know, there's some thread or belief here of like this is not okay. And I think some of our most deepest potent work that we can do as business owners, as visionaries, is to get really comfortable with being in the gap. It's like, let me just pull up this chair and let me just settle in and let me just get really comfortable with being where we are or where I am. Because from what I have experienced, and for my clients, you know, as long as you are running a business, as long as you have these big bold ideas, as long as you are creating the life that you want, you're gonna experience the gap. And I think what I've learned is that you are at we are actually gonna experience the gap more often. Like I've noticed the gap is getting, or I should say, like the time between my up levels are getting faster and faster and faster because the more action you take, the more that you really start to focus inward and you start really, you know, like, where do I need to let this go and where do I need to let that go? You know, I think a lot of times with manifestation or what manifestation people teach you is like, what it, what do you want to feel? And one of the things that I really started to think about when I was in Rosemary Beach was, what do I need to let go of? Like, God's just keep showing me what do I need to let go of? Because that's really, that's really where what we're gonna see, right? The growth that we are gonna see. Yes, it's great to like be in the vibration of gratitude and having and and all of those higher vibration emotions. Yes. And also, like, I think sometimes it's also important

Turning Discomfort Into Data

Erin Gray 5:25

to to ask God, like, what do I need to let go of? Because it's those limiting beliefs as well. It's those things that are kind of holding us back or slowing us down from moving towards what we want. So I like to look at the gap now as information. Like, what is this gap revealing about me? So instead of thinking that the gap is a problem, think of what is it revealing to you and about you? Where does this get to show you where you don't trust yourself? Where are you still seeking outside validation or certainty? Where do you say you trust God and have faith, but not really when it comes down to it? I think a lot of us, you know, say, I trust God, I have faith, but it's easy to have faith when you have plenty of money in your bank account, right? It's easy to have faith when everything is going exactly the way you want to in your business. It's easy to have faith when your body's doing exactly what it needs to do. Really having faith, really having certainty in your connection with yourself and with God comes in those obstacles or those challenging moments or when the 3D world isn't matching up with what you know to be true about yourself and who you are. So, you know, where are you seeking external validation? Where is your attachment to certainty outside of yourself? And when I say certainty, what I mean is not to the outcome, right? We don't have certainty in the outcome, but we have to have certainty in who we are and that no matter what, we're gonna be okay. I'm gonna be loving and kind to myself, I'm gonna take care of myself, I'm gonna trust God no matter what. Like that's the certainty, the internal certainty, not the external certainty. Where is this revealing your fears? You know, where is this revealing some maybe of your coping mechanisms or the patterns that you typically go to when you are in the gap? And you're not able to see this stuff. Maybe sometimes you might, you know, when when you aren't in the gap. But I think the gap really starts to show us what are some of those beliefs that we have about ourselves, what are those go-to, you know, like one of mine that still pops up is like there's something wrong with me. Like that is an underlying belief that I keep coming back to. And I have to, it's just like, you know, I just keep working on that belief at it at a new level.

Regulate First Then Decide

Erin Gray 7:45

So let's talk about how do we support ourselves while we're in the gap. Like I think all of us as women, one of the things that our souls came here to do is to love ourselves at such a deeper level. I think I don't think I've had any client yet, including myself, who hasn't had an interesting relationship with her mom. And I think we are the first generation of women who are doing this for ourselves and then teaching it to our children as well. Is this this sense of unconditional love for ourselves that no matter what, we're gonna be here for ourselves and we're gonna love ourselves and we're gonna support ourselves no matter what? So, how do we support ourselves in the gap? How do we get comfy? How do we just like anchor in and settle down into it? I think this is where we can slow down even more instead of speed up, right? Instead of going to that fight or flight, how can we even slow down even more? How can we take care of our nervous system and regulate it even more? How can we ask different and discerning questions to understand what's going on and to see where we are maybe experiencing similar patterns or whatever that might be? Where have we become maybe disconnected? And so how can we support ourselves? Maybe it's through prayer. Maybe it's, you know, whatever your routine is with being connected with God, how can you take that relationship even deeper? How can you create even a closer connection that you have with God? How can you stay even more connected with your body and your intuition and not making fear-based decisions? And that comes back to like slowing down, right? Anytime that you are in a rush, we know that that is coming from the mind, it's coming from fear, it's not coming from certainty, unconditional love, and growth. And also I, too, I think that when you start to ponder, and this can go back to like journaling as well as you can put this in your journal, but like remember the gaps that you've been in. What was your process? I think it's really important to kind of, you know, because awareness starts after the fact. And then, you know, the more aware you become, it happens kind of in the middle of when the thing is actually happening. And then your awareness can get to the place where before it even happens, like before you actually say what you want to say to your spouse, you shut your mouth and you actually think about what do you actually want to say. And so that's where awareness happens. And I think that the more that we can become aware of our patterns, of our processes, how do we support ourselves while we're in it? So if you can recognize, oh, what did I do the last time that I was in the gap? And how did I move through it? And what was my process like? And you know, even like I've even started to pay attention to like not necessarily how long, as in days, but a little bit of like how long did it take for that clarity to come for me to like when was I a little bit of wishy-washy? And then how long did that wishy-washy take? And then that I moved out of that, you know, things like that, just getting really specific with yourself to figure out so that when it does come up again, you have some things that you can go to. So you're not having to, because I do think when we are in the gap and we're not aware, we are in, you know, an unregulated state. And so when you can can get back to that regulated state and you can see, like, oh, okay, this is what I typically did. I would outsource or I would, you know, text friends, but this time when I have that urge, I'm not gonna do it. You know, just noticing what are those things that you go to so that when it comes time for the gap again, that you change your behavior. And I think, like I said, I mean, this is our opportunity. The gap is our opportunity to go deeper and have a deeper connection with God and with ourselves and to love ourselves even more, to get more intimate with ourselves, with our business, with our team. Just like, how can we take this even deeper? And I think that with the gap, like there is no.

The Only Way Out Is Through

Erin Gray 11:39

I remember when I was in therapy when I was getting divorced from my first husband, and she told me, she was like, Erin, there's no getting around this, there's no skipping this, like the only way out is through. And that always stuck with me. And I feel like that this is the way that the gap is. It's like this is the price that we are going to pay in order to have what we want. Like the gap is part of the process. So we might as well get comfy, we might as well embrace it, we might as well let it teach us what needs to be, what we need to learn while we are there. Like there is no skipping, there is no going around or, you know, quickly going through it. And I will say, if you do quickly go through it, you're gonna be back there learning it again because the lesson will continue to show up for us until we are ready to receive it and to transform it and to transcend it. So think about over the next week, like when was the last time that you were in a gap? What did it feel like? What were the things that you were trying to do or to move away from so that you didn't have to feel it? I remember I was telling a client we were talking about some of the changes that we were making in our business. And she said, you know, Erin, this feels really hard. And I said, it only feels hard right now. Like, yes, I validated her. I was like, yes, of course it does, right? But the but the reason why it feels really hard is because we just haven't been accustomed and it we haven't yet anchored into like this is just part of the process. If we were just to say, you know what, in order to get to where we're going, we're always going to have a gap. Like, people don't talk about this part, right? Like they talk about, oh, having the business that we want or the life that we want, but a lot of people aren't talking about like the gap. Like this is where things are made. This is where our soul transforms, or however you want to say it, that we become someone new. It's like a snake shedding its skin. Like this is the process. And so if we can get really comfortable with being where we are here in the gap, like where we're going is like the cherry on top. So think about this over the next week. Think about what is your process that you are? What do you do when you're in the gap? What do you want to try to avoid or resist or move away from? Or, you know, what are your go-tos that you try to do? And then how do you want to support yourself moving forward? So you know that the gap's gonna come again. You know, anytime you want to up level in your business, anytime you're changing things within your team or your advisors, your marriage, your children, like it's just part of it. So, what are the things that you want to do to support yourself so that you can be there for yourself when the gap comes again? Okay, I will see you in the next episode.