Money Feels Personal | Mindy Neira | Growing Money Podcast

In this episode of Growing Money with Sean Trace, I sit down with Mindy Neira, a certified financial planner and chartered special needs consultant, to talk about financial planning in a way that feels real, personal, and human. We discuss why money can feel overwhelming, why so many smart people still struggle with their finances, and why the first step is often not a massive plan but one small action, like automatic savings or simply looking at where your money actually goes. 

Mindy also shares why financial planning matters deeply for LGBTQ individuals, couples, and families, especially when it comes to estate planning, legal documents, healthcare proxies, name changes, parentage, family building, and protecting chosen family. 

This conversation is about more than money. It is about confidence, safety, identity, and building a financial life that actually fits your real life.

What is one money conversation you wish more families started having earlier?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

These are added goals and plans that you now have to prepare for, in addition to the standard, I want to buy a house or I need to save for vacation or to buy a new car. And then if you're transitioning, you might also not be covered with your health insurance for any of the care that you're receiving there. And so those are the financial numerical implications. If I expand beyond that with financial planning topics, I also help people think about their estate plan, asset protection, and things like that. So if you think about traditional estate documents, your will, your financial power attorney, your healthcare proxy, your healthcare agent who's making decisions for you, everyone needs those documents. People in the queer community really need those documents because we need to make sure that if we're in a crisis situation where we can't act on our own behalf, someone else can act on our behalf who we want to. So you may be estranged, you may be young and estranged from your parents or family members. And you need to assign someone as a healthcare proxy for you to make medical decisions. And that could be a partner, a friend, a chosen family member, having that legal document in place so that when you're getting care, the medical professional has to listen to that. And they don't default to someone else who you might not want to make those decisions. So I actually travel with a copy of that in case I'm in an area that might not be as friendly, or maybe the doc the hospital might not default to my wife, for example.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

Welcome everybody back to the Growing Money with Sean Trace Podcast. I've got an awesome guest with me today. Would you like to tell people who you are and a little bit about what you do?

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Yes. So my name is Mindy Neera. I'm a certified financial planner and a chartered special needs consultant. So I do financial planning for families who have special needs and also families and individuals in the LGBTQ community.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Which is awesome. I love financial planning. And I have a belief that it should be for everyone. There is, however, a problem. I I work and live in Vietnam. And when my employees, especially my EA, uh who's a rock star and she's LGBT, uh, and she is like, was looking at the community when she's like helping me find guests, she's like, uh, Mr. Sean, everyone here looks the same. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, they're all white men. And I was like, yes, that is a tad bit of a problem here. And she was like, well, what about if there's someone like me? And I said, well, let's talk about that. Why do you think it's important to have people that are like you? And she says, because I want them to understand my experience. I said, this is awesome. Talk to me about this. Like, why did you choose to specialize in the groups that you're specializing in? And why do you think that we need more people focusing on those groups?

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Yeah, there's not many people focusing on it. I think there are, I think there are more than we know. A lot of people don't advertise. So one of the things I noticed was similar to the person you work with, in that there's really doesn't seem like anyone is experiencing the same things I'm experiencing with my family in terms of financial planning. And so I started with looking into what are the financial planning differences, which I know we'll be talking about today. I also thought, you know, how do how do I act as a consumer? I want to go support LGBTQ allies, people in the community who own businesses. And so I started to realize that I needed to advertise myself so that people knew that, okay, this is someone in the community, this is an active ally. I may not understand everything that my clients are going through, but I do understand that it's important to take a step back and focus on what their needs are and meet them where they are.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

I love that because I think that we I've lived around the world. And one of the things that I find is that when I go to different places, different people have different experiences. They differ different, you know, cultural things, they have different learned experiences, they have different things that are anchors to them, you know? And I think that if you can find people that can understand that, let me give an example that is near and dear to me. Uh, my mother-in-law and I have very different views on things. Love her to pieces. She grew up in the middle of a war. She grew up, was born in the middle of the Vietnam War, grew up with parents that were dealing with lack and scarcity, and she hoards everything, but especially plastic bags. And it is a challenge for my wife and myself and my sister-in-law and her family, as we all kind of share one big house, and we're trying to like, we're like going into this room, we're like, oh, hey, let's take a look in storage. Oh my goodness. You know, we had bags upon bags upon bags. And I can judge that, or I can try to understand why, because the why is important. And I can't do anything and interact with that unless I understand the why. And, you know, and I think that that's one of the things that when you're working with money, having someone who can understand your why for a lot of the things that you're doing and work with you on the things that are challenges as well is really important.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Yeah, I agree. I think that's the why is the crux of everything. My background's in psychology, so I'm always asking those questions.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

Yeah. My mom is a therapist, and so I grew up with, you know, her challenging me on all of those things. So I love it. But I want to ask you this because you have such a cool background. And I want to, I've been waiting to ask you this question. A lot of people feel overwhelmed by money. Like, what's the very first easy win someone can do to feel more in control of their finances?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Easy win, start auto contributions. You can do that with your employer through if you have an employer 401k or 403B, a retirement account, set up a 1% contribution. It comes out of your paycheck, you don't even see it, it goes right in. If you're already doing that or you don't have that option, set up an automatic contribution to a savings account. $100, $10, $1,000, whatever it is, just start saving something.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

Right. I love that. I saw this guy. I was walking to the park today. Yesterday, I was driving my daughter to school and I was driving past the park, and this guy was walking. And he was wearing this shirt that says, uh, you can change your life. And I was like, I just pulled up and I was like, I gotta talk to you. Uh, you know, and he was just this really nice guy. And I was like, What's your what's your secret to changing your life? And he's like, just do it. I said, just do what? He's like, whatever it is that you're waiting to do. And I was like, this sounds like a Nike commercial right now. I didn't mean to have that. But you know, he was like, if you want to start a business, just do it. If you want to save money, just do it. If you want to open a restaurant, just do it. Because people sit there and talk and spin, wait for the best moment. But if you want to start saving money, start now. Don't say, you know what, I'm gonna wait till next year where things are a little bit better, my business is more stable, where next year you're gonna be pushing it off to the next year. And I think that, you know, I love what you're saying because if you want to get going, if you want to start winning, start making those changes today, you know?

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Yeah. And I also think that people feel like they have to do a lot, you know, is $10 even enough? What if that's not even gonna do anything? It's gonna do something, it's gonna add up. Yep. And if you start there, you'll automatically increase. So to add to that first step, I would also say once you've set up that automatic contribution, just start looking at what you have and do a snapshot. What do I own? What assets do I have? What accounts do I have? What debt do I have? And then where did my money go in the last 12 months? So my favorite thing to tell people is look at that last 12 months at what you are spending without judgment because you've already spent it. So it doesn't matter. Don't try to fudge the numbers. Just make your list of spending. Yeah, make your list of spending and then see if that's where you want to spend your money going forward and be intentional about it. So if I'm intentional about the categories in which I want to spend, and maybe some cannot change, maybe you don't want to change some. And then maybe you want to spend a little less here and a little more there, and then I can save over here. But once you do that and you start knowing what's going on, just like that automatic savings starts to build that confidence, so will uh knowing what's going on with your finances in general.

SPEAKER_03 9:08

I love that. Well, I had another question too, because you know, I see some really smart people and they are some of the smartest people I know, and they are still struggling with money, even when they have a really good income. Why do you think some people struggle with money even when like you look at it and they're like, I know what I'm doing? And then they're really smart at other stuff, but then with money, they're just like, oh my goodness, I'm overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Yeah. Well, two parts. One, people think they're supposed to inherently know information about money and finances. And I've talked to clients about that, my friends about that. It's like we're supposed to just know this information, but we don't know this information if we weren't taught it. So we need to educate ourselves and be okay with educating ourselves on what's going on and learning. I'm not a doctor, so I can't diagnose myself. I can Google it and try to. But I I did not go to school for that. So, you you know, leaning on resources and tools and um not feeling like you can't ask a question. That is, I would say, one thing. The other thing is the emotion behind it. How what's the baggage behind the money conversation? Particularly in the queer community, there might be um strained um situations around finances. Maybe you had to become independent earlier. And so you had to make choices about your money. And those choices might have been so that you can survive, so that you can get by. And they weren't necessarily bad decisions, but it does influence you in the future and how you handle money going forward, even if you're in a more stable place. So that discussion at home, wherever home is, and how you lived and handled money and how people talked about it has a huge influence on what decisions you make today.

SPEAKER_03 11:02

That makes a lot of sense. Well, I want to ask you this too, because like if someone says, I'm terrible with money, what would you say back to them?

SPEAKER_00 11:10

I'd go back to what we were saying earlier. Why? Why do you say that?

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

And I'd be so curious to understand where that's coming from and what experiences that person had to make them feel that they were terrible with money. Because once we unpack that, we can go back to my first suggestion or second suggestion that was take a look at what you have and start to just wrap your head around it because some people just might not know what's going on. And we're scared of what we don't know. That unknown, it it creates anxiety even if you don't feel it. It's underneath, it's underlying, it's an undercurrent. So um I'd really want to understand why, unpack it and then take that first action step so that you can get that easy win, if you ask.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

I love that. I find that I used to tell myself I was terrible with money, but I found out that I just wasn't making enough. Like honestly, and I know that sounds weird, but like I was living overseas. I had a job that didn't pay very much, but it just wasn't be able to cover the bills that I had, you know? And then when I was able to start making more, I found that actually I'm quite good with money. I'm quite thrifty. It's just there was a certain baseline that I needed to have to kind of even pay the stuff that I needed to be paying. And I think that some people are, and maybe that's context, you know, you got to figure out what are your numbers. I didn't know my numbers, and I was judging what I was doing because I was like, oh, I'm not making enough money. But the reality was my bottom line that had to be covered was more than my salary because I was working for, you know, as a as a teacher overseas. And that was challenging for me. And when I realized that, I was like, oh, well, let's figure out how to make more money. And it was just this mindset shift, but I had been telling myself for years I was bad with money. And then suddenly I was like, hang on, I'm not bad with money. I just kind of have to figure out things and reframe things. But, you know, I want to ask you too, because one of the things that happened for me that I was able to do was I was able to start building confidence. And that confidence was something that allowed me to sit there and go, yes, I can. Uh, you know, I'm not a saver. Yes, I am. I am not good with money, yes, I am. Uh I have uh uh a lot of debt. Well, I have the answers to get out of it. But like, I want to ask you like, what does financial confidence actually look like in real life?

SPEAKER_00 13:43

Yeah, it's a good question. I would say that it looks different for everyone. And if you're looking for financial confidence, it might be part of what your goal is. Where do I want to, where do I see myself financially in in the next six months or a year? What does financial confidence even mean to me so that I can make decisions to feel confident? Because it could be that you just know what's going on and that it's organized, like I've been talking about. It could be that you feel confident enough to support yourself if you have to leave a tough relationship. It could be that if in the queer community, for example, laws or social uh things change, that you're able to support yourself if something terrible happens and laws are shifting and um the world does look different and the country does look different. So, so being able to prepare for those things might be what makes you feel confident financially. And then to your point, kind of, you know, let me say yes. Do I have this yes? Have I made this decision to put myself in a in a place where I can support myself? Have I protected myself legally? The list can go on, but it will be specific to each person.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

Right. It's interesting too because I love the idea of as well of like creating safety, creating these. I'm huge. I'm working on it still, but I'm I'm super big on that emergency fund, having that stuff there that can protect you. And I mean, an emergency fund is just money, but what are the other things that you need to have in place to kind of be that protective force for you? Do you need to have the right um documentation in place? Do you need to have the right accounts in place? I don't know what it might need to be, but the idea of having that stuff that is there to protect you is really something that I'm starting to look at more. Because I think when we grow up, we're not talked to about this. And I'm wondering if people in the LGBTQ community are talked to even less about this too, because their situation might not be what their parents understood or talked about at home, you know?

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Yeah, it could be that. I would say, again, we gotta unpack it. We've got to unpack it and we have to see, we have to see what's going on in your particular situation. And if you're not seeing role models like we were talking about earlier, you know, if there's no one in the queer community, as it seems to you, that can understand your situation, that you don't feel like you can be your authentic self around, so that you can ask questions, you can lean on resources, you know, that that's very impactful and likely not in a positive way.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

If someone were to ask you, what does a financial planner actually do in normal everyday language? What do you do every day, you know?

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Help people organize and understand their finances so they can make confident decisions.

SPEAKER_03 16:50

I love that. I think that it's interesting too to talk about like if I want to um I had a guy come on that climbed mountains. I know nothing about climbing mountains, don't necessarily want to climb mountains. That's not the thing that I want to do. But if I was gonna climb a mountain, I would want someone who could tell me how to climb a mountain. You know, I had another guest come come on who was doing triathlons, and I was like, how does a person start doing triathlons? It's not something I have any information about. And I think that it's really interesting too, because that type of um with money, as much as we use it every day, I find that in my family, we talked about money as much as we did climbing mountains. It was about as much. Like I might have heard more about climbing mountains than I did about money in my house, which is wild, you know? But it's interesting and powerful that, you know, you're out there helping people make these informed decisions, you know?

SPEAKER_00 17:52

Yeah. Most people don't talk about it, probably maybe because they don't understand it, or maybe they have some sort of stress stressor attached to it. And when you don't talk about something, it makes it unknown and it makes it scary. You know, it doesn't, it doesn't matter where you are in your phase of life, but if you're not talking about something, it's this sort of black box of unknown. And so starting to talk about things, starting to make it a norm. So if you in your own household, you know, even in that situation, starting to talk to your partner about it, your friends about it, you don't have to disclose everything about your financial life, but maybe ask, you know, what kind of bank account do you have? How are you are you earning interest on your cash? You know, asking those type of basic questions and making it normal and supporting each other is a great way to get rid of that stigma.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

I love that. I love that because there is a stigma to it. You know, we are not talking about this. People are not sure where to go with this. And I think the people that we should be talking to are the youngest, you know, and it's not happening in schools. And so let's imagine I have a 10-year-old daughter. If she got $20 for her birthday, what would you teach a 10-year-old to do first with that money?

SPEAKER_00 19:13

10 is a good age to start talking about money. I'd say, I don't know, eight to twelve is like your sweet spot of starting to get the basic foundation of money. So I would, because I'm a financial planner, I would start with what does she want with that money? So first understanding everything for thought.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

And everything and something fun, I'm guessing. So going through first, what does she want with that money? Um, it's hard as parents because we want to try to provide information and educate, but we also have to take a step back and listen, even to our 10-year-old. And talking at the at your daughter to tell her what she should do with that probably isn't going to be as effective.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

Never gonna work, already realizing that.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

So taking a step back, what what do you want to buy with that? And then my my theme today, I guess, is unpacking it. Okay, let's see how much that costs. Let's go to the store. Let's um, let's see if you have $20 and you spend $10 on this, you could save that other $10 for that other item you wanted that was $50. So that way, you know, you can put it in your piggy bank, or if you start a savings account and talk about interest and how it can earn interest, that will also grow your money. So it's a great starting point to talk about it, but bring the cash to the store so they can see what's going on and see what things cost and compare. Uh, with my daughter, she's only three, so we're not talking about money too much, but we are talking about it. And I'm showing her the different things. Well, if you want this compared to this, what do they look like? How do they feel? Let's narrow it down. Let's go over to the other side of the store and see what that is. And then you start to learn that, oh, I have choices and not to be so impulsive with my decision on what to do at that $20.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

Right. It's a great place to start. With my daughter, we had to just start showing her um basic things. And like it was interesting because she was like, let's just go to the bank and get the money. And I was like, well, that's not how money just doesn't magically appear. And uh, so we had to just start showing her these things. But it was interesting because there's so many concepts you start getting into once you start getting there, needs versus wants, you know, uh prioritizing this versus that. But, you know, I wanted to ask you this because how can parents start teaching their kids about money without making it boring or scary? Because both of those are very easy to do.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Yeah, especially if we're not comfortable already with it, right? So I I'd say the pre work is become comfortable with it yourself and start talking about. It with other adults so that you have that practice and that muscle and that comfort with the conversation. Because we know whatever whatever emotion we bring to a conversation with our children, they feel it. Whether you're verbally saying it, they're feeling it. And so bring that comfort to the conversation and make it make it fun by playing games. There's so many games you can play. I mean, Monopoly might be stressful for people. So you could play Monopoly Jr. But Monopoly is about money. There's a lot of different games out there that you could pick up and just start looking at it. I there's um a late, I don't know the name of it, um, but there's a Lakeland game. Uh Lakeland is a toy company that has a lot of educational toys. And there is a money game there that is similar to Monopoly, but not as stressful, I would imagine. Um, so getting getting that, getting that um in front of them. And then, like I said, bringing cash to the store, going to the store, bringing them to the store, to the grocery store. You want these berries versus these berries, and kind of showing them what things cost. Even if it's not like intentionally teaching them, like you have to pay attention, just start casually talking about it. I want to buy these strawberries. They're eight dollars. Strawberries are very expensive nowadays. But you're, you know, you're just mentioning these things on a normal basis. Um, and then starting to introduce, after you've done that, introduce the concept of growing your money. If I open up a bank account, I can earn interest. The bank will hold on to my money and then they'll give me extra money. And what does that mean? And what does that look like? And you might take some coins to kind of show them what that looks like and make it fun. But you have but just like we were talking about earlier, you just can't go all in 100%. This is a gradual, let's talk about it on a regular basis, let's introduce concepts. And instead of a sit-down talk, uh funny, funny story because this just reminded me. Please my dad did the sit-down talk with me. Um, I was not going to be a financial planner, I was going to be a therapist. That's why my background is in psychology. And I will never forget being in high school, my brother's six years younger than me. Both of us were about to leave the house, or maybe he was going to go play. And my dad says, Come over here and sit down. Like, oh my gosh, what's happening? And he took like a yellow pad and he started writing out numbers about retirement. And I'm in high school, not worried at all about retirement or anything like that. And he just did all these numbers. If you save this, if you save this, was it effective? I would say yes and no. It I didn't like it because I was a teenager and I wanted to get out of the house and it was very boring to me. And my brother, who is six years younger, probably had no idea what we were talking about. But it does stick with me. It's a story that sticks with me. And I did remember that oh, you have to do something to make more money and you have to save it. So even that basic, you know, I didn't get all of it, but that those basic concepts that this is an important thing that he wanted to sit us down and talk about might be something I'm gonna have to think about one day. Right. So I'm not suggesting that, but something, you know, gradual over time.

SPEAKER_03 25:14

I think those conversations in some way, shape, or form, lay the foundation, you know, and how they stick, how they land, that's not the degree of you can make it fun, you know, and make it interesting for the kids. But I think if you're not having any conversation, that's the biggest injustice that you can have, you know? But I want to ask you this because you're also working with a wide range of families and life situations. Are there financial challenges that LGBTQ individuals or couples often face that many people may not realize?

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Yeah, I would say there's there's quite a bit of financial planning that are new, that's nuanced. Um, of course, everyone's different. So not everyone's going to have every single nuance, and that's just applicable to all to all people with their finances. But what I have noticed is that areas that tend to be more LGBTQ friendly are urban areas that cost more. So by default, we have a higher cost of living in many cases. There is a wage gap in the United States with pay for people in the queer community and their counterparts. And that if if you live in a higher cost area and you're getting paid less, now you already are kind of set back. And so that intentionality becomes more important and thinking about where your money is going in your cash flow. So, in addition to that, you might also be thinking about additional expenses, such as starting a family. You may use health insurance to help you do that, or maybe that's not possible and you have to pay out of pocket. Anywhere from fertility treatments to surrogacy can be $100,000, $200,000. So these are added goals and plans that you now have to prepare for, in addition to the standard, I want to buy a house, or I need to save for vacation, or to buy a new car. And then if you're transitioning, you might also not be covered with your health insurance for any of the care that you're receiving there. And so those are the financial numerical implications. If I expand beyond that with financial planning topics, I also help people think about their estate plan, asset protection, and things like that. So if you think about traditional estate documents, your will, your financial PAV attorney, your healthcare proxy, your healthcare agent who's making decisions for you, everyone needs those documents. People in the queer community really need those documents because we need to make sure that if we're in a crisis situation where we can't act on our own behalf, someone else can act on our behalf who we want to. So you may be estranged, you may be young and estranged from your parents or family members. And you need to assign someone as a healthcare proxy for you to make medical decisions. And that could be a partner, a friend, a chosen family member, having that legal document in place so that when you're getting care, the medical professional has to listen to that. And they don't default to someone else who you might not want to make those decisions. So I actually travel with a copy of that in case I'm in an area that might not be as friendly, or maybe the doc the hospital might not default to my wife, for example.

SPEAKER_03 28:43

That's really interesting. I had heard a story of a person, and this is a financial planner, told me that they didn't have the right designations in place. And what happened is that while they were traveling, um, someone had a medical emergency and they were calling this person's mom who was an as they were estranged from, and it was like not a good situation. So that's really interesting that you bring it up because I've actually heard of that playing out, and it was challenging. They were actually able to make it work, but it wasn't easy, you know? Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

Yeah, and when you're already in this situation that's high that's devastating potentially, you'll just want to make sure for everyone around you who's trying to help you, it's as easy as possible. The other big the other big thing that I just want to mention, because I think it's often overlooked, is ensuring that you have legal parentage. Uh I live in New Jersey and I'm moving, I'm actually moving to Massachusetts later this week, but right now I'm currently in New Jersey. And um in New Jersey, a birth certificate is not a legal document. So really. Wow. That's right. Yeah. And a birth certificate can always be changed in the court. So uh someone can petition to one of the parents can petition to change the birth certificate, which has happened. So if you have one birthing parent and one nothing non-birthing parent, for example, you'll want to do something called a confirmatory adoption or a second parent adoption, depending on what your state offers, to ensure legal parentage for your child. Because there had there is a story, I believe it's in Oklahoma, where a couple was married, they got divorced or they separated, I believe they were married. And the birthing parent petitioned to remove the non-birthing parent off of the birth certificate at age seven for the child. So this person had been, I don't know their circumstance, but they were both parents, and now all of a sudden the other parent was not, and the court approved it. And so you you really need to take these steps if you're going to um it just working with legal professionals. A lot of people go online to do their state documents. It is cheaper, but is it protecting you? And it is cheaper to not go to that adoption attorney or, you know, reproductive technology artificial reproductive technology attorney and talk with them and say, you know, what legal action do I need to take to protect myself, to protect my frozen embryos, whatever it might be. But doing that's going to help you overall and and potentially help you from a financial standpoint over time.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

It makes I it makes sense to me, but I also like I want to reframe it for people who might not get it. Um let's imagine that you have a tooth problem and you're like, well, I'm gonna do the dental work myself. You watch some YouTube videos. Yeah, I'm I'm not gonna say that it's not gonna turn out well, but like might not turn out the way that you want it to. Or you like sit there and go, I watched some, I saw this one video about these people that were like watching YouTube videos and they decided to do their their own house like rebuilding, and they were like making YouTube videos about it. And they were like, this one person was just cutting this. So I'm like, this is no problem. You like I I read all the comments, they're like, that's uh that that that thing that you're cutting right there, that's uh that's a weight bearing beam for your for your roof. And and I'm just like, and the person's like, it's just we're just gonna remove this and do some stuff, and all of the uh the builders in the in the forum are just like yeah, will not turn out well. That's gonna turn out well. And I mean, and I know I know we are in this world where, especially with AI, everyone thinks that they can DIY everything. But sometimes you need to slow down and realize that there are some things that you don't necessarily want or need to DIY, you know? And it's good to get help. It is a good thing to get help and to get people that can actually um make sure that you're gonna be safe. I I um my wife and I have a financial planner, and she was like, Well, why do we need this person? I said, because if anything ever happens to one of us, we will make sure that anything that we've set aside will go directly to our daughter. And she's like, But we we have people that we trust. And I said, I agree, but have you ever had someone that you trusted do something that maybe wasn't exactly what you wanted? Well, yeah, it maybe they didn't think it was bad, but it annoyed you. Well, yeah. And I said, now put money into that. You know, now put something else that, you know, do you trust the people 100% with, you know, Eilani and stuff, my daughter? And she's like, okay, let's make sure that we have all this lined up. You know, it's just like best of situations, everything goes well. But life is not filled with best of situations, you know, life is filled with that murky middle in that yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

And you don't know what you don't know. So if you don't know what you don't know, and then the people who are taking care of your affairs later also don't want to know what they don't know. Leaning on resources and um and people, it's helpful. I know that what I I hear a lot is that it's very hard to find a financial planner because you don't need a minimum or the fee's too high. And so there are resources out there that can provide you help. There's um advisors give back, which is a pro bono organization that five that provides financial planning. There's certified financial planners who volunteer on there. Savvy Ladies is another organization. Um, the FPA, FPA um has pro bono, CFP website has pro bono. So you can find help. And I would start there. If you're not sure if you can afford the fee or if you're meet the minimums and you just are afraid to reach out to an advisor, then just go to those, those resources, the pro bono free help. You may not qualify, maybe you have too much to qualify to participate in those programs, but at least you started the conversation because that I think is also the hardest part. It's scary to reach out to a to a professional to understand. It's hard to pick up the phone, especially in today's generation. We just want to send an email or send a text, and there's a lot of resources. Um, and you can start there. But ultimately talking with someone about your situation, seeing what you don't know and how to prepare for it is going to put you off in a better place.

SPEAKER_03 35:39

We don't know what we don't know. And that seems to be one of the most common themes that comes up when I talk to people about financial planning. Everyone is uh like, I think I know what I'm talking about, but then they really realize they don't know. Like a couple facts that I thought were pretty funny. There was an interview where um, and I it I was one of them. I'm ashamed to admit this. Uh, they did this like like uh survey where they talked to people and they said, Could you land a plane if the pilot was incapacitated? And everyone's like, of course I could. I could totally land a plane, you know? And I was sitting there and I was like, dude, I did some flight simulators when I was younger, blah, blah, blah, blah. So my daughter and I recently we went to a really cool place where you got to sit in an actual like flight simulator. It was like a pilot school. But because the pilot school is not like constantly busy, like they rent out time for people to go and to hop in the simulator, like between pilots, you know, working on their hours. And I was like, this is pretty cool. We got in there. Yeah, I am not gonna be able to land that plane. The surprising part is that there's some of these planes are absolutely really amazingly automated, like the safety system. I was gonna ask that.

SPEAKER_02 37:00

Is this going to want a lot of meeting?

SPEAKER_03 37:01

Especially the Airbus. The Airbuses are ridiculously good, and they they almost have this return to like there's an emergency land button that the thing will almost essentially land itself. It's it's amazing. That being said, there's a lot more buttons in there than you think, and like, you know, playing with the throttle, turning the things. Like, you think that you're gonna go like this to turn it when you land. That's not how it works. There's like a little wheel up here that you gotta work on. It's fascinating. And I was just like, and that the other fact was uh most of the people interviewing, there was like, I think it was seven out of ten people said that they could fight off a grizzly bear.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Oh, yeah. I just said no to both of these, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

Because you know what you don't know. But the wild thing is, it's like seven out of ten people in America said I could fight a grizzly bear. I think seven out of ten people have never seen how big a grizzly bear is. Its head is like this, you know. So, needless to say, I remember once when I was a kid, my grandma took me to see a moose, and I was like, she made me jump out of the car, and suddenly I was like, She's like, go get closer, take a look at the moose. And I got out of the car, and then all of a sudden I saw the moose was there, and I'm just looking up at this thing, and I turn around and the baby moose is on the other side of the street, and I'm like in the middle between mama and baby, and I'm like sprinting back for the car. I did not realize how big moose are and how terrifying they are. So, needless to say, what you don't know can hurt you, you know?

SPEAKER_02 38:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:32

I I want to ask you another question after that lovely side uh sidetrack. Um, for LGBTQ couples or families, what are some important financial or legal conversations people should be having earlier than they often do? I know we touched on it a little bit. Are there any others that you can mention?

SPEAKER_00 38:52

Yeah, I think um estate planning is a big one. And that's an emotional one because you're thinking about what you what to do if you pass away. And then I'd say arguably maybe more important is what happens if you're incapacitated and you can't act on your own behalf. But it's really important to have those conversations if you're um, you know, whether you're in a relationship or you're not in a relationship, it doesn't matter whether you're married or not. Um, that's that's really important. Um thinking about and being intentional about your savings. I know we talked about that, some sort of recapping. What where's your money going? Do you want it to go where it is now? Maybe you do, but is it best for you? Would be um would be the other question. And how can you prepare to make sure you're protected? Um, I'd also say that, you know, if things like if you're getting a name change, I didn't touch on this yet, legally get your name changed and then update everything, especially right now, just update everything so that you have that information um accurately reflected on your documents. And if you think that there's a family member or a chosen family member or a loved one who's including you in their inheritance, they also need to change your information. So they need to put your name, your correct name into their documents and make sure that's updated or added you as a beneficiary. If you lose a loved one and now you have to help them settle their estate or you're inheriting money from them, and now your dead name is being used, you have a whole extra layer of emotion that you now you need to deal with. And so that may or may not be impactful for you, but it is something to consider and make sure that you're accounting for, whether or not you're comfortable sharing that with somebody. But casually, you know, I need to update all my documents. Um it's difficult to have that conversation to say if I'm inheriting something, change my name in your document. Um, but it could be like an example. I'm updating my estate documents so that nothing goes awry when something happens to me. And kind of that gentle reminder to people who who also love you.

SPEAKER_03 41:11

Right. One of the things I think people don't realize um that haven't experienced it is how names and naming stuff is really complicated. Like really complicated. My daughter, uh, we had a very challenging situation where um she's Vietnamese and she's American. Now she was born in Vietnam and I did the consular birth abroad. So I got the uh the US birth certificate, but we also had her birth certificate for Vietnam done in Vietnam. Now, when they were doing her birth certificate, um, one of the challenges is that the Vietnamese paperwork flipped her name. So it was like, my name is Sean Eric Trace, right? And they did uh the opposite. So in Vietnam, her first name is like Trace, and like my last name would be Sean. And so it was just like so we have two different passports that each have a different name on them. Now that's really challenging because every time we fly, she has to have a different ticket. Every time we do anything, we have to have two things listed, not one. And it is really a challenge. It is a challenge in a major way. And I think for people who've take that for granted, they're just like, oh, it's names. It's, you know, and if things are not exactly right, you will deal with problems. Uh, we had just recently, my wife and I were filling out new documents for our our retirement accounts, and my wife is listed as the beneficiary on my account, and her name was spelled wrong. Luckily, I caught it, and I I I called my financial advisor. I said, Hey, they they misspelled uh my wife's name. And she was like, Oh my goodness, I'm so glad that you saw that. And she we had three sets of eyes on it. But like once we submitted it, someone at the bank entered a digit wrong, a place mark wrong, and it was the wrong name. And like my wife's like, Well, why what's the big deal? How could that be? I said, No, that's a huge deal because having a wrong name is gonna be a whole headache, you know, down the road. And I think that it's powerful to talk about that because I think that for the LGBTQ community, um there's been a lot of people that don't understand. And and I think that what I think that uh one of the things that I try to tell people is to just be open and listen. Be open to what other people are dealing with and their lived experience because. You don't have to understand everything, but understand that you know, be open and listening. And again, I think that that's where knowing that everyone has a different experience and giving them space to talk about it, giving them space to feel comfortable talking about it, and that they're gonna be um, I don't know, and and talking about issues that they have is something that I'm I'm so glad that people like you are doing.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

So yeah, thank you. And and that's when I talk with my colleagues and peers in the financial planning world about how they're serving their clients, that's much of what I'm talking about. You know, you're just you need to allow the person in front of you to come to you with their situation and explain what's important to them so you can help them. Even if it's not the cookie-cutter traditional certified financial planning education that we received. This is a science and an art. And so the fun part of it is the art of putting together the puzzle and saying, okay, these things are important to you. How can we make them work? Because maybe some things are just not possible right now just because of the financial situation. And we need to be honest with ourselves about that and how we work it out, but we still have to consider it. And so I think that a very big piece of, you know, when you're choosing someone to work with or you're looking for advice, having someone who's not dismissive, who allows you to come and talk and speak about what's important to you, regardless if it didn't fit on the questionnaire, is going to be the difference between taking the advice and dismissing that advisor on what they're trying to say because they're just not listening to you.

SPEAKER_03 45:51

I love what you're saying. But I want to ask you this too, because I'm still curious about um, you know, the different family structures that you had mentioned. Like, how can someone financially prepare when they're building a non-traditional family structure? Whether that's adoption, surrogacy, co-parenting, or blended family dynamics, you know, what type of preparation do they need to look at financially?

SPEAKER_00 46:15

Yeah, it a lot of research early. Don't wait until you're just ready to go. I would call your insurance company to understand what benefits you have, talk to your HR department if you're working and see, you know, what benefits they provide you there. If you're working for a large company, um, I think some even smaller companies, but they're offering um packages that benefit packages that might pay for sperm donation or egg donation or freezing, freezing your eggs and embryos. And so finding out first what's available to you in the benefits that you have, and that does require calling because you cannot look at your health insurance documentation and understand anything. I mean, I can't, I don't know, but if you're working in the industry, you might understand it. But there are co-pays and 10% here, and this isn't covered, and whatever it might be, you know, that you need to really dive into. I've I've heard everything from, you know, nothing was covered at all. And so you're paying fully out of pocket to they'll cover my medic, this insurance will cover my medications, but not the treatment itself. And then another client said they'll cover my treatment, but not my medications. And so making sure you're doing all that research up front. And then go online it, depending on your financial situation, and search for grants and financial support for fertility treatment and starting families. There's a lot of organizations out there that provide grants. And so I mentioned Sarrogacy earlier. $200,000 for a Sarrogacy, you know, to have a baby, it's that's so expensive. And so, yes, you can try to plan and save, um, but men having babies is an organization that can support you potentially, given it's depending on your situation. So going online and and researching to see what um programs and nonprofits and organizations are out there to help you is also really important. Don't leave that money on the table, right? Like I might not, I'm not gonna qualify, so I'm not gonna call, or I don't I want to be able to do it myself. Just know what's out there and then decide um what you want to take advantage of.

SPEAKER_03 48:26

I love that. If you can figure it out one step at a time, but you gotta know what's out there and what your options are, you know? Well, I I want to ask you this other question because um if you could teach every family in America one money habit that would completely change their future, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 48:48

Can I name two?

SPEAKER_03 48:50

Please do. Please do.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

So two. One, have an emergency fund. All right, it's it's so maybe foundational. It's boring to have cash, extra cash, but have an emergency fund because the last thing that you want to do is pull from your retirement that needs to support you later. Because you have to spend money on this, this unexpected expense today. Something's always going to come up. So, whatever number that is, three months, six months of expenses is an easy way to think about it, or what might come up that's an emergency that I need to cover, and how much is that so I can make sure I have cash? Because once you pull from retirement, that seems so far in the future, there's a ripple effect. You now have to pay taxes, you have to pay a penalty, you can't get that money back, you might be able to borrow, but then you have to pay back interest. So there's having that nest egg first will help you prepare for other goals that you have. And then the second thing is my first piece of advice with the easy win is automatic savings. Make it automated. I don't see it, it's just happening. And then next thing you know, you have your emergency fund or you have that extra savings account, you have that retirement account.

SPEAKER_03 50:06

I love it. I love it. And those make so much sense. I'm a huge fan of um of the uh of the emergency fund. I think that enough people don't realize how much it puts you at ease, you know, if you have a good one there. But I want to ask, where can people go to find out more about you and what you do?

SPEAKER_00 50:26

You can go online. Um I'm on LinkedIn, Mindy Nira. I work for Modera Wealth Management. Uh I'm based currently out of New Jersey, but by the time you're listening to this, I will be in Boston. Um and please feel free to reach out, send me a message on LinkedIn, call me, um, email me. If I can't help you, I'm happy to point you in the right direction.