"To Kera - Love, Mom" | Getting Griefy and Leaving No Legacy Behind with Kera Sanchez

In this episode, we deep dive into the reality of experiencing life's duality in its fullness as guest, Kera Sanchez, experienced both the birth of her daughter and the unexpected loss of her mother only a few days apart.

She shares how her grief left her with no choice but to turn "lemons into lemonade" as she learned to navigate loss and joy through the power of dark humor and community.

Kera channeled her love for her mother through her creative gifts, creating legacy journals, a first-of-its-kind magazine for grievers, and a welcoming space for all through her social media channels.

Kera Sanchez is a High School Spanish teacher in the Chicago area, a wife, and mom of two. After her mom unexpectedly died while on vacation in Italy at the age of 57, she dove deep into a grief journey, where she channeled her unexpressed love in the form of the Legacy Letters guided journal, offering a way to write and leave handwritten legacies of love, advice, and support for loved ones, to ensure families all over the world don't have to face unexpected loss without a legacy left behind. She also released a second journal, "No Legacy Lost", a guided memory and grief journal. Through her Instagram community, she pokes fun at her grief journey with relatable memes and dark humor. In early 2024, she launched Get Griefy Magazine, as a community outlet for grievers to publish their poetry, writing, art, photography, and more.
 

Kera Sanchez Social & Website:

• Website: getgriefymagazine.com
• Subscribe to GET GRIEFY Magazine
• Instagram: @getgriefymagazine
• Website: legacylettersjournal.com
• Purchase the Journal
• Instagram: @legacylettersjournal

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Transcript

I think as a new mom, that's already like an isolating experience because you don't really have a ton of adult interaction. Like everyone around you is still working and doing their job. And I think we noticed that as grievers too, like when we're grieving, the world is spinning still and you're like, wait, what? Like mine just stopped. This two for one special that was like, definitely kind of hard to navigate is I had so much going on, but I felt like the world didn't have space necessarily for what I was going through. You just lost your loved one. Now what? Welcome to the Grief and Life podcast, where we explore this new reality through grief colored lenses openly, authentically. I'm your host, Nina Rodriguez. Let's get started. To many and the online grief community, today's guest needs no introduction. But if you're new here, you're in for a treat. We will be discussing what post-traumatic growth can look like in grief, how to hold space for the duality of life, and even some ways we can leave a legacy for our loved ones. Kierra Sanchez is a high school Spanish teacher in the Chicago area. A wife and a mom of two. And after her mom unexpectedly died while on vacation in Italy at the age of fifty seven, she dove deep into her grief journey, where she channeled her unexpressed love in the form of the Legacy Letters guided journal, offering a way to write and leave handwritten legacies of love, advice and support for loved ones to ensure that families all over the world don't have to face the unexpected loss without a left behind legacy. She also released a second journal called No Legacy Lost, which is a guided memory and grief journal, and through her Instagram community, she also pokes fun at her own grief journey with relatable memes and dark humor. And earlier this year, actually this month, as of this recording, she launched Get Grief Magazine, which is an amazing community outlet for Grievers to publish their poetry, writing, art, photography, and so much more. All things grief. I am personally grateful to have been a part of this amazing commemorative issue of the magazine, which is quickly evolving into a key resource within the Greek community today. Actually, I saw as of this recording that she earned her Women's Entrepreneurial Certificate through Cornell University. So that's another big win for the month. Let's just get started. Welcome to the Grief and Life podcast, Kara. Oh my gosh, thank you. You are like straight up pumping my tires and it feels good. But girl, thank you. You have done amazing things too. So I mean, all of the things that I have done, I've taken inspiration from others. So it it's like a team effort for sure. Same no same. And thank you for for all that you do. I get a lot of inspiration from you and we're going to get into all of that because you have a slightly different take on grief and how to channel it and everything that I think is very refreshing and important to talk about. But before that, um, this all started, unfortunately, with the loss of your dear mother. Tell us a little bit about her. Um, yeah, no. So my mom was a force, honestly, and so many of her friends compare her and I, and I take it as a compliment because whatever my mom set her sights on or whatever she wanted to do, she did. And so I'm so thankful that I am still carrying that piece of her with me because I feel like for whatever reason, she's like pushing me along even though she's not physically here. But, um, you know, she was short in stature, but like bigger than life energy, just the life of the party, very comical, vibrant, bold, vivacious. Like she was sparkly, honestly. Um, and then she was also an educator, so I feel like we just had so much in common and we just had a really good, um, mother daughter relationship in terms of like a friendship, um, partners in crime, like that kind of stuff. I will say that the touchy feely stuff was hard for my mom. And so that is something that one I'm learning about myself. Like why? Sometimes it's hard for me to connect with, like, those deeper feelings and emotions. But to us, why? Sometimes I am the way I am when it comes to grief is because I learned it from her. You know, she showed me how to face life in, like, the comical lens. And so yeah, I guess that's kind of like where our relationship kind of left off. We did have a little bit of a stint of like some growing pains, I would say, because right before she passed, that's when my, my own motherhood journey began. And I had started having kids and we were just butting heads about stupid stuff. Now that looking back, you know, I really wish that that didn't have to be the case. And I wish I could go back and change it. But again, that's another piece to my story. And why I'm doing what I'm doing is just because it's so important to make sure that you always leave behind every piece of love that you have for all of your loved ones, regardless of the situation that you're in. Because even though I know we were kind of in a weird spot, I love her more than anything, and I know that she loves me more than anything, regardless of the circumstances. So that's my mom, you know, she she was my bestie. She sounds larger than life. And you're doing an amazing job conveying to us newbies in, in your life and in, within the grief community, just how big she was in spirit and is in spirit and how, you know, through you, she we get to know her. We get to know your mom through you, through your work and through your story. So she sounds like a wonderful, wonderful person. And now, you know, force that's still with us. And so I'm grateful that we get to know her, even if it's this way. Um, yeah, it sounds like she impacted a lot of how you've moved forward. Talk about duality. Grief throws you into the, the and world. I look at it like a Venn diagram, and then you're just in the middle living these crazy realities. So that was what was happening around the time, unfortunately, when you got that call, because here you are about to celebrate one of the most amazing times of your life with your. I think it's your second daughter, correct? Yep. The birth of your second daughter. And to be specific. And then your mother's going on this amazing trip with your father. I believe in a group of friends to Italy, and it's just life is good. Everybody's in a great mood about to have this great adventure. And then it just all turns around one day. Yeah. No, that's exactly what happened. And, you know, the universe has, like a really weird sense of humor or, I don't know, maybe this is all part of the plan, but, um, I wasn't even due until like a month after, like, my daughter was a month early. Right. And so that was the last experience and memory I had with my mom was the fact that she was there the day I gave birth because I had Covid, and they wouldn't let my husband in the hospital because he also had Covid. So they were, um, creating all of these like rules and stipulations of who could be in the room who couldn't. And it had to be someone that was Covid negative. Even though I had Covid, it just didn't make sense. But, um, she was able to be there with me. And, you know, if I had not gone into labor a month early, she wouldn't have been there, you know, and who knows what would have happened. Like, I'm sure that her death would have obviously created a really difficult situation in birth story for me as well. So the whole, no matter how you crumble it, it's, it's, um, a tough cookie to, to swallow, but I'm grateful that that was our last time together and she was able to meet my daughter and, and all of that. And we did have some resolution, um, in terms of some of the disagreements and things that we were having in that moment. It's weird. I remember her vividly, like walking out of the room and in my head, I remember thinking like, oh, I just, I'm excited for her to come back because I feel like we're finally in a good spot again and we're just going to be able to continue making more memories. And obviously that didn't happen. I wish that I had an answer. I don't know what happened. She just had a really rough flight on the way out to to Italy. My father had sent me a text message, like after they had been there for a day, saying that they were hoping to take her to the doctor in the morning, just because she had developed like some shortness of breath and she couldn't figure out like what was going on. And, um, there was a day of sightseeing where everyone in the group went out and was doing their thing. And my mom was like, you know, I'm just going to stay back in the hotel and rest and hopefully by dinner time, um, I'll be ready to go back to dinner with you, go to dinner with you guys. And when my dad came back to the room, my mom s my according to my dad, um, my mom's hands were like, clammy, and she was, like, turning blue. And she was like, something's wrong. You need to call an ambulance. And by the time the ambulance came, it was already too late. So it just happened so quick, so fast. It was so jarring for everyone. Like my dad was in custody for a little bit. Like they were questioning him, like seeing if he did something to her. Like it was just like a mess, you know? And everybody was just like, so distraught. And, um, it was like, traumatizing what had happened. Um, just watching the person that planned this beautiful trip for all of them to be together, like getting carried out in a gurney. Like it just, it's crazy. Um, but, um, yeah, I, I got that phone call. I'm in the NICU and just hearing that my mom had died just, you know, days after my, my daughter was born, I could not comprehend it. I did not understand how that was even possible. She was fifty seven. And so quickly you start to, to spiral and think about like your, your mind is like, almost like sick and twisted. And you think of like all of the things that they're going to miss out on at once. Like anything that could hurt you, you start to think about it ahead of time and you're like, oh my gosh, like she's not gonna, you know, break in the shoes that she just bought. Like she was watching a show on TV. Like she's not gonna finish that series like my daughter's birthday that's coming up. She's not going to be there for that. Like all of the things that I thought she was going to miss out on, I was thinking of in that moment. And so that was like the initial stages of just overwhelm. Like it just hits you all at once. So it was, yes, D for duality capital D, because while I'm carrying that, I'm also like looking down at my baby, who, you know, is just like filling up my heart. So it was, oh, it was a lot, you know, it was a lot to juggle at one time for sure. That is a lot. And I'm very sorry you even had to go through that. I know the reality of sudden loss and how shocking that is because there is so much disbelief in that moment of it just can't be like there's there's just no way this is happening. There's so much denial and disbelief. You know, it's real, but it just doesn't seem real. Especially when here today, gone the next moment. I think it's on your website that you said, how is somebody so full of life just gone? Like, how does this just happen? And like you said, there were so many plans and you were just getting started. You were looking forward to so many things. So I have compassion for you. I am so sorry for that. And it's also the birth of your daughter. And you know, you're also getting to know this little baby. And it's also a very joyous occasion. So I know that your father and the group that they were traveling with, they also decided to stay. And side note, I didn't know the bit that they were questioning him. Your poor dad. At the same time, he has to go through this shock. He's away in a completely different country and they're questioning him. I have so much compassion for him as well. I do know that they decided to continue, which when I heard that, it made me feel like that is the spirit of your mom. Like your mom would just have wanted everybody to to stay and keep going despite everything that just happened. So. Talk a little bit about that and then maybe what it was like when your dad came back and how that. Yeah. So I was like, not into this like woo woo stuff or like signs until this had happened to me. And I think that happens to a lot of people, like you just are in disbelief and you're like, no, that doesn't happen. And, um, you know, my dad and everyone in the group, like they had this like, um, big like chain message. They had a Facebook group. And so like, anytime something would happen, like they would share and it was just like jaw dropping all of the different things that had occurred on the trip where it felt like a push or a sign for my mom that she was like applauding them and saying, like, thank you for, you know, continuing on this, on this journey. Um, and then same for me at home. You know, I felt like I was getting like little winks from her and just like she was trying to, to tell me that, like, although she's not physically here, like she's still here. And so it was almost like this limbo period, because in my head, I knew that they were going to be gone for two weeks. And I don't know, I just was like, she's on vacation, you know, she's going to come home in a few weeks. Like, this isn't real. And so that I think was really hard because when they finally they came home and my dad's wheeling in, you know, all of these suitcases and, you know, her items, but she's not there. That that was like when it really hit me, you know, that she, she was gone. I feel like that was truly the moment of, okay, I need to accept that. Like, this is my reality now. And planning her celebration of life, which was very non-conventional. My mom was a big Jimmy Buffett fan, which that was salt on the wound this year when he passed away because my mom loved Jimmy Buffett and I grew up, I went to my first Jimmy Buffett concert when I was in kindergarten. That's what we used as inspiration for her celebration of life. We had it at a beach and we were all wearing like vibrant colors and like, leis and all this kind of fun stuff. Everything that we did moving forward, we still tried to find a way to like infuse her into our life. I don't know if that's like a piece of advice for people who are grieving, but for me, that was comforting to know that although she like physically wasn't there, I still had memories and things that reminded me of her. And those were things that I also enjoy. The way I get to continue forward is still I'm bringing her along. I'm still holding her hand. And so that was important to me. I look back in that summer is just a blur because just so many things happened those three months, it was definitely a blur. How did that dynamic play out between you and your husband? Because he had, in a way, gotten through this not too long ago himself. And then, you know, he's going through that as well. What was that dynamic like? So I feel like this is like a prime example of how everyone grieves differently. Well, just in general, like my husband and I are yin and yang. I'm the outspoken one. I'm the loud, vivacious one. And he's much more conservative, much more reserved. And I feel like that held true with our grieving styles because he, you know, likes to keep things close to his chest. And I feel like he honors and talks to his mom daily, but he keeps that close to his chest. Like that's not something that he's very vocal about. Whereas I'm over here on Instagram being like, oh my God, you guys, I got a sign from my mom today, you know? So I feel like it again, this is totally how I think grief can be if you want to be authentic with it, and if you want to truly integrate it into your life, you do that in a way that feels authentic to you. Authenticity feels like a very important element, especially in life in general, but especially with grief, because your tolerance I'm not saying you. I'm saying people's tolerance during this experience can be so thin. Our energy and our attention span and what we can process at one time is so limited for the time being that authenticity is one of the only things we have room for. Grief, I say, has the capacity to burn everything to the ground, and then you get to rebuild with how that looks like. And oftentimes, if it doesn't resonate with your core, it's just not going to make it to the next iteration of your life. You were on maternity leave or did you go back to work right away? Or how was how did that play out? Um, I was on maternity leave from one school, got out until Halloween time. Some people like to keep themselves busy and some people want quiet time. Yes and no. I think it was helpful because the authentic piece right there is a part of you, especially in the beginning, where you feel like you need to wear a mask And not truly show how much the grief is affecting you. I mean, who wants to have a teacher that just comes in looking like they've been crying all day? Obviously, when you're grieving, like there's so many emotions at play. It eats up so much of your energy. I can't imagine being at work with that amount of grief and how exhausted, you know, I would have felt if that was the case. So I am grateful for like, I guess my mental health that I had that time off. I am the type of person that is a busy body. Like I need things to do. And I do think that that does come into play with all of my projects and like the things that I, I throw my energy into because if I just let it fester, it just stays in here and it, it spirals, you know? And so I need to take all of that energy, all of that sadness, all of that grief and put it into something constructive. And so for me, like, that's my coping mechanism. I'm glad I had that time, but at the same time, it was definitely hard to be home, you know? My responsibilities were like diaper changing and folding laundry. And those can be tedious. And that can also make the grief sometimes hard because I think as a new mom, that's already like an isolating experience because you don't really have a ton of adult interaction. Like everyone around you is still working and doing their job. And I think we noticed that as grievers too, like when we're grieving, the world is spinning still and you're like, wait, what? Like mine just stopped. This two for one special that was like, definitely kind of hard to navigate is I had so much going on, but I felt like the world didn't have space necessarily for what I was going through. It was hard. You know, I can imagine, and I could see how it was the motherhood and it was the grief, and it was the loss, and it was the processing and the transmuting of both major, major life changing experiences at the same time. Yeah. So much grace for that. So when you went back, were the students aware? Not necessarily. You know, I'm a high school teacher. Even at semester, my roster changes. It's kind of hard to show up being like, hey, hello, it's me. And here's all my grief. You know, I didn't want to do that. There were some students, I think, that were aware if I had had them like years prior and let them know what had been going on because they're like, oh, Miss Sanchez, you're back. Like, how's your baby? And all things like that six month stint where I was back in school from like November to the end of the year was like a really rough school year for me. It wasn't as easy as it has it been in the past? Just because I said you have this like mask that you need to wear, and it is hard to put on a smile even though you feel like garbage on the inside. Just being positive. Even though I wasn't feeling positive, it really did make a really challenging year. And I still even have that sometimes this year. Just the way that students are today, like after Covid, there's been so many social emotional changes in the students and they have apathy. They have disinterest. So like, there's just so many components at play when it comes to teaching and caring. Grief and or your own mental health. A lot of components at play. So much changed in such a short amount of time. So all this happens. At one point something turned around for you and you said, I feel like doing this. And that was the beginning of legacy letters. Yeah. No. Um, you know, over some laundry folding. You know, I feel like again, your brain can just continue to run. And that's where, where I was at. I was just like, thinking about how man, like this sucks. Like there was my mom and I were just getting back to a good place. And like, there was just so many conversations we didn't get to have. And now there's so many future events that she's not going to be there for. And dang, I wish I would have saved those birthday cards that she had written for me. And although again, my mom wasn't like very touchy feely and never really wrote a ton in those cards. I do remember that at Christmas time, some of the gift bags I had saved throughout the years, I found one that my mom had previously given to me at one of the holidays. Just seeing like her name to Carol love mom like made me feel so good seeing her handwriting and like how she looped her letters together. It was like the combination of that plus me not wanting to leave my daughters in that similar position. Like accepting that I'm a mom and I have this ultimate responsibility to always take care of them, even though like physically one day that's not going to be the case. I tied those two ideas together to create the journal because we plan our loss when it comes to like life insurance and like leaving a will and making sure that all of our belongings get divided to who we want them to go to, we don't always consider like our true Love, advice, support, like all of those things, we don't consider that to leave to those that we care about. And so I just felt like it was something important to pursue. So honestly, that day when it that idea came to me, I opened my computer and I just started creating and I, I want to say I created like over half of the journal in one sitting just because it was a stream of consciousness just coming out of me. Yeah. Flowing for sure. For anybody that's met you or seen your work or anything, you have such a clever way of taking a very complex and nuanced topic and making it not just palatable, but friendly and even fun, dare I say fun. Like, so you have this way of taking this information and this experience and inviting people into a conversation for something that can be very, very heavy and almost overwhelming for a lot of people. And yet you make it something that people want to do. So this journal not only helped you process a lot of your emotions and the conversations and the man. I wish I would have had X, Y, z conversation with my mom. I wish I knew x, y, z like in my case I. I think I cried over a week because I didn't know my brother's favorite color and I was like, what was his favorite color? I can't believe he died. And I don't know these things. The magnitude of that felt so important back then. I've gotten over it since then, but still, it's like these things that you're like, I wish I knew this about them. So you take that and then your teacher background, there's a common thread that runs through your life and everything that you do. And it sounds like that common thread is also part of this journal. You take your experience as a teacher to break down the topics into different segments. Tell us a little bit about the thought behind how you fill out this journal, how you answer these questions, who it's for? Like, I don't think it's necessarily just for grievers. It could be as a gift for a family member or doesn't necessarily have to be related to law. So tell us a little bit about the content of the journal and the thought that went behind it. Yeah. No, I mean, you nailed it. Like that's my wheelhouse as a teacher is to take these, like really complex, difficult topics and break them down for my students. So that's exactly where my mind went when it came to this. Um, but yeah, I would just say that, um, you know, I've had conversations and feedback from people and they're like, wow, like I really want my parents or whoever to fill one of these out. But I, it's like hard to say like, hey, I want you to fill this out in case you die. And I'm like, well, don't, don't say it like that. Like you can, you can just fill it out because you love somebody and you can just give it to them, you know, like it could be a gift to them that you have all these words written down. And I'm thinking of like parents that are sending their kids off to college or like people who are entering into the military and like, you're not going to have contact with your family for a little bit. Like those are things that you can continue to bring with you. And it still is just as meaningful just because that person's still alive. Like it doesn't change the meaning behind it. So, um, I would say like for anyone that's a little cautious or skeptical about filling it out because it feels morbid, don't make it that way. It doesn't have to be that way because it was written in the way that it was written. There are some pieces that maybe don't resonate with you as much, and so you don't have to put any pressure on yourself to be like, oh my gosh, I have to fill out this whole thing, or I need to fill it out in order. Like, I personally feel like the best way to do it is just to flip through it, check out what's in there. And as life happens and prompts then resonate with said life, then fill it out. It's like a a life experience book or like a memory book, just without the pictures. Like your consciousness on paper, there's no right or wrong way to do it. You do what feels good for you and you don't. That doesn't mean you have to write like a novel either. Like maybe there's a prompt that only requires two or three sentences. That's just fine. A lot of times we put pressure on ourselves to come up with these profound things that we need to say. and sometimes just a simple like I love you in your handwriting is all someone needs to hold on to and remember the best of your relationship one hundred percent. And journals especially are very powerful. I've had many conversations with different grievers. I've hosted groups, I've done one on ones, and the one tool, if you will, that's like a must in grief and processing emotions is a journal. The person that's going to receive that is going to cherish that. So that was the first one. And that one's available in English and in Spanish. There's another journal, no legacy lost journal. Tell us about that one. I had originally created conversation cards and it wasn't landing. I feel like people didn't feel the need to download it. And like I wanted to turn it into like a game or something. But you know, that costs a lot of money. So I was like, how can I pivot but still use that information? And I was like, why wouldn't I make a journal? And I remember thinking when my mom first passed, I don't want to forget a single thing about her. Very natural for people who are going through grief to be like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna forget, you know, their little nuances and their little quirks, you just want to preserve them. That's basically what the journal is for very specific questions about their person, like who they were. Um, the idea is to write down what comes to mind, like almost like a word association. I have two little girls without a grandma. My mom is gone. My mother in law is gone. And I'm like, that is heartbreaking to me, that they could have had the most amazing grandmas in the world, and they're not going to really get to know them because not only were my mom and my mother in law, like very strong, beautiful, independent, funny, all of these things, they were also beautiful. And it just breaks my heart that my girls aren't going to get to know them personally. So it was important for me to come up with a way to preserve their essence. My kids are, what, three and one now? They're not gonna be able to read it, but like one day they could. That was important to me to create something that stores all of that for safe keeping. So beautiful. That gets at the core of one of the biggest fears. And it's forgetting your person. And on one hand, I don't think it's possible to, but I heard somebody say, yes, but the memory gets a little fuzzy around the edges, right? So you're not going to forget them. But these little details, they do kind of, you know, the lens is a little fuzzy. So this is a wonderful way of keeping that sharpness intact and at least like jogging the memory. And there's something intangible about taking this time to write these things that make you feel like you're spending time with them in a really weird way, like in a new capacity. I don't know what it is, but sometimes, like we have these conversations when we do journaling. When my mom used to go on on mommy cry walks, like she just walks and cries. And this was her way of saying like, I'm getting to spend time with him with, in my mom's case, my brother, there's something about all of this that helps with the process as well. It's not just keeping the memory, which is very important in and of itself. In your website you have. The journal gives you permission to live life after loss. Why is that important for a little bit? There's a sense of guilt, almost like the survivor guilt of if I am not thinking about them all the time, or if I'm not remembering them all the time, that in some way you are not honoring them. And like, that's not true. I saw David Kessler had just posted like, the best way to honor them is to continue living like a fruitful, vibrant life. Just having a place where you can dedicate time and space to them gets that off your chest a little bit. That stood out to me the whole permission to live life after loss. Some of us need to hear that. Some of us need to hear that it's okay to feel something other than just the heaviness and the pain. I know that the first time I genuinely smiled after the death of my brother, it felt like betrayal. It was like, what am I doing? How dare I like, how dare I be anything but sad, right? And I had to slowly give myself permission. That moment that somebody says, it's okay for you to live and live a life beyond survival. Dare I even say thrive? Dare I even say feel joy? It feels insane in that context. But it is okay. And it is a process. Getting there that really stood out to me. I really, really, really like it. So you have the two journals, the one, are they both in English and Spanish or just the second one I have? Yeah, the second one I have not translated yet. Jury's still out, if I will, only because the Spanish sales have not been as popular as I thought it would be. So it was a lot of work to do it. And so I want to obviously make sure that people are interested in it and would would buy it. So maybe one day get Griffey Magazine. I don't think there's anything out there like this. I think this is a first of its kind. And when I saw it, I was like, oh my gosh, this is so brilliant. So tell us the inspiration behind how you went from the journals to the magazine. I think for like all of these things, they were a little bit like divinely inspired, meaning that it was an intuitive hit. It was like a download. And not only was it like an idea, but it was almost like a game plan. And like, I just had such like an intense visualization of like what it could be. I guess this also ties back to your other question, why it's so important to continue to live life. It's because as grievers, we hate being told, well, they don't they don't want to want you to be sad. That's true. No one needs to tell that to us. We need to come to that realization on our own in order for us to come up with that realization on our own. We need role models, and we need people to look up to who are doing that. In the beginning of grief, you just can't see through to the other side. I don't even know what that means. People use that term and I even use that term. What does it mean? I can't give you an answer. It just means that I think one day you wake up and you don't feel like you yourself want to die as well. Like there's just a point in the situation, yes, I want to continue and I'm going to continue fighting and I'm going to make the most of what I have. And so that's really what I wanted to do, especially since I connected with so many people on Instagram with legacy letters. And I just saw all of these beautiful stories of life after loss. And I'm like, this is so inspiring. Especially even like being a teacher. I see a lot of my students struggling with depression and having traumatic life experiences. And we could all use this like kick in the pants a little bit. And also this community, because that's what I'm trying to create as well, is this feeling that like, we all belong here, even though we don't want to be here, we don't want to be in this club. We all like each other's back. That's something that's been awesome is I feel like, yes, I've lost my mom, but I've gained like so many friends and connections and colleagues. That's been like beautiful. And so while I would trade it all in to get my mom back. That's not an option. So here I am, making the most of it, I guess I don't know, lemons out of lemonade goes a long way. Thank you for answering that call. Thank you for answering those intuitive downloads. Dare I say they were inspired by your mom, I think. No, we definitely got to know her, get to know her through your work and get greasy magazine is incredible. If you have not followed it. If you don't know about it, I will link it in the show notes along with the journals. It is a very, very important space. I remember starting in this journey I was looking for community, felt very scattered. And this podcast, for example, was my version of an attempt to get a community going to connect people, as is the Instagram account. When I saw the magazine, I was like, this is brilliance. Like, this is so smart because it is a tangible, concrete, visual way beyond just scrolling that you can have people's stories, people's information, and then your Instagram account, various Instagram accounts, the Legacy Letters journal and the get greasy. Instagram accounts also serve as communities for all of the people that are working in this space, you know, creating something in the space as well as the people looking for help. My students, if they heard me say about how much I love social media, they would be like, what? Miss Sanchez, you tell us to get off our phone all day long. And I'm like, yes, when you're at school. Of course I do. But I think that it can serve such a beautiful purpose. We would have never connected if it wasn't for social media. And this story has played out like thirty other times. More than that, with the beautiful people that I've featured in the magazine and like hearing all of their stories. And it just makes you feel so much less alone with legacy letters, you know, a little bit more personal. It's more about me, my specific journey and what the magazine, you know, I do give some behind the scenes and like a little bit about me, but like, I really want the magazine to be a dedicated space that's not necessarily about me, about the grief experience and about everybody who's involved with Legacy letters I do for like memory chats where we talk about if someone wants to sign up and like participate, I use the memory journal as a guide and I flip through it and pick out random memory prompts and ask them to just tell me about your person, because I feel like that's such a valuable conversation to is just fifteen, twenty minutes dedicated to, I want to hear all about them. I just want to hold space for that. And it's always just a beautiful conversation. And without a doubt, when people finish, they get off and they're like, wow, like that was the most I've talked about them in like years and it just feels so good. It's so refreshing. So we have to do that. We have to do that soon because I would love to learn more about your brother. Yeah. So that's more like on the legacy letters side and then get Griffey side. It's been just fun to like play and see what people want to do. I'm all for whatever people want me to create and what people want to collaborate with. Like I've been very open about if you have an idea like, let's do it. Definitely like a community space where everyone gets a chance to shine and hopefully laugh as well, because that's probably the biggest goal, is just infusing life again with something that makes you smile. So, so, so important. So if somebody wanted to, let's say, get in contact with you or submit a story to the magazine or collaborate, how can they do that? So there's like various paths, um, like there's some people that they just don't necessarily have like a full blown article they want to share, but they have a blog post or like a journal entry that can go like in the community blog. Same with photography or art. You're a little bit more of an established presence. And like you, you actually have something that you've written, right? That's something that you can send me through an email and we'll, we'll connect and I'll figure out if like, that's a piece that's a good fit for not only the magazine, but like which issue we're on. Right. Each issue is going to have a little bit of a different twist. The first one was whatever I could get, like I wanted to put in there. But I think moving forward, it would be kind of nice to have things a little bit more thematic. Yeah, I'm pretty open. Like if people want to just get in touch with me, shoot me an email. The email is on the Get Goofy magazine Instagram handle. Like there's that option to just shoot me an email straight from there and just get in touch with me. And, and from there, we'll move forward and, and see what works. I haven't had to turn anyone away, really. There was only a couple situations where like, there wasn't just like enough information to write the story. And so that part makes it a little hard to, I'm definitely open to people sending things my way because I think that that's like a really great way for them as well to contribute, but get their name out there. We both get something out of it, right? And so it's important to, to share beautiful ways to collaborate that are not just in writing or even photography. You also work with artists. So there's music artists, performers. There could be authors. So there's no limit really, as long as the. The general string is some type of grief related experience, story or product or anything that's related to that. I'll link all that information in the show notes. Next issue is coming up in mid-April. Well, I'm excited for that and to see how it evolves, to see the evolution of of your work in this magazine and everything. I know it's going to grow and help a lot of people. So thank you for that. I would be amiss to not mention what role does humor play in grief and in your grief work and how you express your grief? Because I think that is a very important topic to touch on how different people express and transmute and process their grief. So tell us a little bit about that, because I think I actually found you through one of your memes. I was laughing so hard and I said, who is this girl? Like, you know, I think it like ties back to the authenticity piece because you were a person with all sorts of awesome qualities before grief hit your life. I think it's just so important to acknowledge that, yes, you will never be the same, but you don't have to abandon yourself either just because you're grieving and you don't have to abandon yourself because society has this idea of what grief is supposed to look like. You don't want to change so much about yourself that you like, don't even recognize who's in the mirror anymore. That's just who I was at my core. I was like the clown. I was goofy and I was outgoing and vivacious. And so it was just, yeah, it was important to find a way to incorporate who I truly am into how I'm processing my grief. And so that's what I do. It feels right now, and it's very engaging and it makes a very nuanced topic, very relatable. And would you say it's also a way that you feel like you connect with your mom's energy as well, because she sounds like she was very funny and very vivacious herself. Yeah. I like literally found a meme today that if anyone who already does follow me probably saw it, but it was like a kitchen towel and it was my closest hope to a smoking hot body is like getting cremated. And I was like, why do I feel like my mom sent me this? Because like, that's something she would have said, you know? And it just felt so funny anyway. But yeah, I just, I do think that that it was how I was raised and that was our relationship. And that's how we bonded was getting into mischief, being funny and silly and like, I can just still hear her laugh. I do think that that's like how I connect with her still. Definitely. Well, I thoroughly enjoy your humor and your memes and they are funny. And I also want to add, like, I went to this event about grief in New York last year, end of last year. I expected it to be kind of, you know, a serious conversation and open, very heartfelt. I expected the heartfelt part. I was so surprised when the main presenter was a comedian and I said, oh, that's different. But it was such an aha moment that so much of this process involves also that levity. It's necessary. I think it's necessary to help process. It cannot be so heavy all the time. We will. We're not meant to carry that much at all times. And it's also very fun. And like you said, it gives us that glimpse of hope that once we're past the survival stage of that very early grief, that, quite frankly, I don't know anybody that can necessarily escape that part. But once we get to the part where we can say, okay, I can take another breath, I can smile again. I could do this again because it does change. Humor is a great tool to help us navigate our own grief. And it's funny and it's relatable and it's fun. What's next? Do you have any projects in the pipeline or are you just hands just completely full with, I don't know, being a mom and entrepreneur and editor in chief? Like what else? But knowing you, I mean, we have something up your sleeve. So I'm just like manifesting out loud the things that like, I would love the magazine to maybe turn into and I would love it if it had more of like a video component piece. Like I could totally see it being like some type of series on like Instagram TV. Is that even a thing anymore? I don't even know. Like a YouTube video channel, you know? I love this idea of like, again, the community and so trying to find ways to get people together and like hosting events would be fun. I don't know, I'm picturing like a get greasy prom or, I don't know, something fun where we just like all get together. That would be awesome. Like these are just brain dumps. I definitely would love it to turn into something bigger than it is now. That's my goal. How that looks, I don't know. I'm a firm believer of speaking it into existence, and I'll add to that energy may have become what it needs to become, but I have a feeling probably get to some. You know, the community is online, it's in person. It could be different media. And I'm I'm here for all of it. So thank you for your work. Is there anything you want to say before we close out floor is yours? No, I just I want to say thank you so much because your podcast obviously brings so much joy and hope to people. And holding space for these types of conversations is important. So I feel very lucky that we connected that we're virtual friends now, and hopefully one day we will be able to hang out in person. But until then, we'll just keep listening to the podcast and keep following and sharing each other's things on, on the gram. And we'll see what's next for us here on the big things too. I feel the same way, and I'm so grateful that I met you, and to be a part of this virtual community that will hopefully meet in person one day. Last question and we're out. What would Kara today say to Kara after your mom passed? Oh my gosh. That you will eventually feel joy again. I think you are just crushed when it first happens, and you think of all of the ways that your life will never be the same. And that is that is accurate. Like your life will never be the same, but you will find ways to cope. Yes, it will be okay. And I do believe that they are still somehow connected to us, whether that be spiritually or just us carrying them in our heart. Just because they died does not mean that the love is over. So that's, I think, an important piece to remember as well. It has been an honor. Thank you so much, Kara. Thank you for being here and thank you for all that you do. Thank you. That's it for today's episode. Be sure to subscribe to the Grief and Light podcast. I'd also love to connect with you and hear your thoughts and your stories. Feel free to share them with me via my Instagram page at Grief and Light. Or you can also visit Grief and Light dot com for more information and updates. Thank you so much for being here, for being you. And always remember you are not alone.