CYBEX Hot Mom Walk Podcast

CYBEX Hot Mom Walk Episode #11: What Do You Wish Someone Told You As a New Mom with Alex Trimble and Chloe Alleyne

• CYBEX • Season 2 • Episode 11

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In this episode, Chloe Alleyne (@thesweatmovement) and Alex Trimble (@alex_trimble) discuss what it was like to be a new mom and the #1 thing they wish they knew sooner.


Listen as they share personal experiences, the unhelpful advice they received at the start, and the helpful advice they wish they got sooner — new moms, this episode is for you.

Show notes:
https://www.instagram.com/cybex_usa
https://hotmomwalk.ca/
https://www.instagram.com/thesweatmovement
www.instagram.com/alex_trimble

https://www.westcoastkids.ca/hot-mom-walk


Welcome to season two of the Cybex Hot Mom Walk podcast, The Momma Mentor Search. 80 % of women at three months postpartum say they feel more alone than ever. We're on a mission to give moms a platform to share their experiences on motherhood in an effort to mitigate loneliness and build community. Welcome back, mamas, to episode two. And I just want to remind you guys that The Momma Mentor Search is still on with up to $35 ,000.

of prizes to be won. We're talking leading a Cybex Hot Mom Walk, hosting a podcast, and a family trip for four. Oh, that is so good. So many amazing prizes. I'm going to say it every week. I want to win. I know. I want to win. Can I enter? Milo to enter. And don't forget, the submissions are soo -

super easy to do, too, right? Like, you can even do it while your kid is napping in the backseat of the car. Just pull out your phone, make sure there's good lighting, that we can hear you, and then just answer a few questions. We are looking for aspiring mama leaders, no previous experience required in being a creator, influencer, or podcaster. We want those who've always wanted to share, influence, and help other mamas, but just haven't found the right platform.

This is a fun and meaningful way to kickstart growing your community while making a difference. We're looking for passion and compassion, not perfection. Yeah, just go to hotmomwalk .ca and all of the information on how to enter is there waiting for you. OK, so on today's episode, we are so excited to delve in to what is one thing you wish somebody had told you about being a new mom? This question is so interesting to me because...

I feel like people told me so many things about being a new mom. But then I became a new mom and was like, why didn't anyone tell me this? But everyone told me. Because you do get so much unsolicited advice. Oh, I remember I had just taken a yoga class. And this woman looks at me and she was like, enjoy your sleep now. You're never going to get any more. And I was like, thanks. That's not advice. That's not helpful. I don't like the.

Just wait. Just you wait. Just you wait. Like you complain about something like, oh, my baby's like not breastfeeding. Oh, just wait when you have to start, you know, vegetables or whatever. Like the just wait, it's not nice. Let's stop the just wait. No, let's just like tell new moms how amazing it's going to be and how forever changed they will be. And it will be challenging for sure, but it's going to be amazing. Yeah. I hated the just you wait. Anyways. So.

I loved this question so much that I had to put it up on my Instagram. And I got the best responses that I would - She hasn't told me what they are yet. I wouldn't even share them with you because I just wanted your genuine reaction to them. Oh, boy. OK. So - Beat me up, Scotty. OK. Here we go. So many great ones. OK. First one. Non -mother friends won't understand many things. Correct.

Did you feel that? Yeah, I did. And I felt it and also recognized that before I had children, I didn't understand it. I remember one time I was talking to a girlfriend of mine. And so this was before I had kids and she had a child at the time. And I was telling her, it was something about dating. And her daughter was playing with a ball and she stopped paying attention to me and was like, ugh.

And I was like, okay, great, cool. Like your kid's playing with a friggin' ball, whatever. I'm telling you something important. No, everything your kid does right now is like magic. It's magic, I can't explain it. And I get it if you don't have kids, like why, you'd be like, who cares? Like they're coloring on a piece of paper, great, they do it all the time. No, like look at the masterpiece that he just made. What do you mean? But I remember that moment very distinctly and I look back on it now and I'm like, oh, I get it now. Yes.

I went back and apologized to my friends that had babies before I. I have a girlfriend who did that. Because it made me realize how much I was not there for them. And like, when they did have their babies and you go over and you just want to hold their baby and like, still be hosted, you don't even realize how sleep deprived your friend is. Their laundry needs to be folded, their dishwasher needs to be empty. The last thing that they need right now is you to show up at their house to hold their baby.

They can hold their baby. You know what I mean? Empty my dishwasher. Yeah, empty my dishwasher. Sweet. Hold my laundry, please. And thank you. Hold my baby if you're going to send me for a nap. Yeah. Seriously. I have the best girlfriends. And when I had Caleb eight months ago, one of my girlfriends did that. She came over. She brought me food. Bring food. Oh, food. Yes. And she held the baby so that I could go upstairs and take a nap. And it was just like.

Glorious. Yes. My dad did that for my sister -in -law and she slept for six hours straight and she woke up so panicked and he was like no I Please like I wanted you to oh, I know it's so cute Okay, another one that I liked or that I thought was interesting is How lonely it is You and I can totally resonate to that 100 % resonate with that because we had our first

during the pandemic. Yeah. And because there was two levels of loneliness, right? The first level of loneliness is just like suddenly you are so you're a different version of yourself. And so you feel lonely because you're getting reacquainted with who you are. But then for us on top of this whole new world we're getting accustomed to, we were not allowed out of the house. Like literally. Yeah. It was illegal. It was illegal. We broke the law. We broke the law. Several times to hang out. Yeah.

Um, yeah, it, it, it can feel so, so lonely, which is why I know I've shared this before, but like I cried at the first mama walk that we went to because I was just like, I walked up and I saw all of these women and they were congregating and they were talking about their experiences and it wasn't, it's not sadness. Like it's not anger. It's just like,

I still get so moved because there's nothing like a community of moms that can lift up another mom. And so I see it and I'm so happy. And then there's a part of me that just has this little pang of like, ugh, like we didn't get that. But it's okay, we got other things. We got different experiences. We have children that are incredibly codependent on us. And we got each other to be honest. We did. Would we have, you know, become friends during that time if like,

Would we have bonded the way we did through social media? I wonder if the world was open and we were able to actually see our friends? I highly doubt I would have messaged you and been like, hey, do you want to meet in person for the first time and hang out on my porch six feet apart? Right? Yeah, it's cool. I mean, there's so when you actually do think about those times, there's so much that you got that you may not have had or experienced had it not been for the pandemic. But pandemic aside, motherhood can be very, very lonely. Yeah.

And literally that is what this podcast is all about, right? Yeah. Bridging that gap between mothers and feeling lonely and like even the Cybex Hot Mom Walks, getting a community of moms together, getting some movement and you know, getting just a talk in person and like let the baby see each other and just get out of your house. Like as a mom, getting out of my house, getting dressed, like, whoa. Even with Luna being my second, I was shocked at

how hard it was for me to leave the house. Everything felt so challenging. And I don't know if it's just because of sleep deprivation and you're just tired and you're slow moving or I don't know what it was, but I remember, she was like four months old and I caught myself up and out of the house. And it was probably just to pick Elias up from his school. And I looked at another mom friend and I was like, why does it feel so hard? And she was like, oh, don't worry, you're not alone. It's impossible. And I was like, oh, thank God.

Just that little bit of... Don't you just feel so... I feel so accomplished when I wash my hair, actually put myself together and then go out with the baby. And then if I'm in the mall and I'm walking and I see another mom, I'm just like, mom, not. I'm like, I see you, girl. I know how hard it was being together in the house today. Little wink. Or you see another mom with a screaming baby and you just give them that knowing look. You're doing a good job. Especially on a plane.

Especially on a plane. I want to go up to people and take their babies and be like, just go, it's okay, take a breather. But then I realized, I don't know you and I'm on a plane and you're gonna think I'm a psycho, but like, I'll hold your baby for a second. Like, it was probably your first flight. Like, I get it, I've been there. You're doing a great job. And it's like, sure you're back. I actually remember you telling me that you went on a flight and after the flight you went up to a mom and told her that she was doing a good job. Do you remember that?

You told me that, like this was maybe a year ago. You're like, I was on this flight and the baby was crying and the mom and dad seemed so frazzled. And after the flight, I just went up to them and I said, you're doing a great job. And I was like, yes, you told me. Did you lie? I would not have lied. It's just not, it's not front of mind. But it sounds familiar now that you're mentioning it. Yeah, but it's like those little things go a long way because when parents are on flights, they're so stressed out about everyone. And I will, I will admit, hand up in the air.

Before I had kids, I didn't get it. I was like, oh, there's a kid behind me. This is going to be the worst screaming baby. And then it's your screaming baby. And you're like, you're doing everything you can. Yeah. The last thing you actually want is your child to be screaming. So everyone, please just calm down. Yeah. Yeah. Jimmy and Seat 26F can screw off if he has a hard time with it. You can nap when you get to your destination. Sorry. Sorry, not sorry.

OK, do you want to hear another one that came through the DMs? I do. I really like this one. The duality. Intense, difficult, tiring, fulfilling, empowering, and beautiful. I have never lived in so much contrast in my life as I did when I had a child. The duality is insane. Did you ever watch the show The Letdown? No. Oh, it was this brilliant show, and it was called.

The let down, get it? Like breastfeeding. And it was all about this mother's experience as a new mom, a first time mom and her friends don't have kids. And there's this one scene where she's so desperately trying to get out for a birthday dinner and she like brings the baby and it's so tragic and it's such a mess and the baby's screaming and so she leaves and she's on the bus on the way home and she's like, I think trying to breastfeed. And then she looks over and she just sees, she looks at her kid and.

that she loves more than anything. And then she looks over at this young group of teens on the bus, and she just bursts into tears. Because you can tell she's mourning her old life and so wrapped up in her new life. And it's like, you wouldn't change it. But you're also mourning that. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. What was your biggest moment of duality? Duality? Oh my gosh.

So many. There's so many. It's like every day. And they can be so tiny, right? Yeah. I can't even, I literally can't even pinpoint. I have one. Go. Just, I have lots of different groups of friends and when I see them out and I'm not there, it's like, I love them. I miss them. I want to see them.

And I just, I'm not gonna trade in this day with my kids to do that. And there's this balance of recognizing and realizing that there are some things and times and places that you're just gonna have to let go of. And that's a bit of a zinger. You know? Not getting to go to all the parties, not even parties, but just like events sometimes, right? Or maybe not even getting the invite anymore because they just kind of assume you might not come. Well, that's just rude. All those -

Always invite. Let me say no. I mean, yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Even though there's an 80 % chance I'm not going to be able to come, I just don't want the invitation. How many times have you invited me downtown to events? I'm like, listen, I know you're not going to come, but I'm letting you know. Not even. And I'm the worst. I'm coming, and then the day I'm like, girl, I slept.

Two hours, there's no way I'm not coming. But please invite me the next time. Yeah, and I always do. Yeah, you do. I always do. That's too funny. Yeah, the duality, that one, yeah. It's just like daily you're dealing with this duality. Daily. Right? It's like the being proud of your, the being proud of your body that housed and grew children and then missing your body before you had babies. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Missing the body before you had babies is the thing. There's just so much. Missing the boobs I had before babies. Listen to me. Caleb nurses on one boob right now. So you're lopsided. I'm so lopsided. You can't even tell on this. I can tell. It's your right. Can you tell? He nurses from your left boob. No. Oh, no, sorry. He nurses from your right boob because it's bigger. Yeah. Because it's producing milk. Yeah. You know what I miss? Do you know what I miss? What? Both my nipples pointing in the same direction. What the?

My nipples used to point in the same direction. They don't anymore. One's Norris and one's... You know what I miss now that we're talking about this? This is so simple. Being able, on the weekend, being able to just take a nap when you feel like taking a nap. Do you remember pre -kids, if you just had a week and you're like, on Saturday, I'm gonna get a nap in? No, you're not. No, you're not? No.

Not unless they're both napping or like one goes down for a nap, like you are not napping. You know what I missed during my second pregnancy, if we're getting into it. Oh yeah, yeah. During my second pregnancy, I couldn't nap whenever I wanted. That was so hard and a shock. Like when I was pregnant with Elias, it was like - You just drop asleep on the couch. Yeah, it's like, oh, it's time to have a nap. I'm feeling tired. I'm so famished. It's time to have a nap. Nope. When I was pregnant with Luna, it -

You're on the go. I swear I've said it a hundred times. I know you're going to say and I agree. Being pregnant with a toddler is harder than having two kids. Yes. Oh, I agree. I agree. I agree. Anyways. Oh my gosh. We've we've we've I think we've exhausted that one. Yeah. OK. So here's another one that I really stood out to me about. What's the one thing you were someone told you about being a new mom? The first time they get sick is the hardest thing you will ever experience.

Yes. One thousand percent. You think that they are everything. A fever. Yeah. A cough. Call 911. Oh my goodness. Jasmine got hand, foot and mouth. I remember. I was like, dude, chill. Three times. Remember? I was like, I'm taking her out of daycare. I'm done. Like it was so bad, but I literally cried. I remember. Literally cried. I remember you messaging me and I was like,

you know that they're all gonna get it right? Like you can't, like, it was like you thought maybe there was something wrong with the daycare. You were blaming the daycare. It's like, no, they're just like cesspools of germs. You know why? Because when we were growing up, we didn't, according to my parents, my grandparents, they're lying. We did not have hand, foot and mouth. They're lying. So they're like, what is this new thing? Why?

Does she have it all the time? Do you know what those, our parents and our grandparents, those generations, they just block out like anything that they consider to be trauma. But my aunts have said it too. They're like, what is this Hanford? Like you guys did not have it. I don't know. Also, but why the name? And you know what? Why the name? Hanford and, it's so gross. Why can't it be called like - Did Elias get it? Polka dotted. He got it, but he got it lightly. He got it so mild, so did Luna. Compared to Jasmine. When you sent me a picture of Jasmine, I was like, oh my. Right.

Right. No, for real. It was so bad. So yeah, that's something that nobody kind of prepares you when you're a mom, right? When Elias was six weeks old and we took him to Maui, because I had earned Maui with Arbonne and everyone was like, oh, bringing a newborn on a like, it's so easy. And it was the travel was amazing. But he got RSV in Maui. He had to go to the hospital there. He had to go to the hospital. There was no cabs out at 11 because it's so sleepy there. So they had to call an ambulance.

and I was six weeks postpartum. You know, don't the fact that you even go on a plane for that distance. But it wasn't intimidating because he was just this sweet little potato. Yeah. But thinking about it now, it was probably COVID because it was January of 2020. Right. But I was, I was ruined. He was six or seven weeks old. And then,

Yeah, just so paranoid, so anxious. I mean, that probably had a lot to do with the way my postpartum manifested. No, not manifested. That probably had a lot to do with the way my postpartum materialized. That's the word I'm looking for. I don't know. I know what you mean, though. Yeah. Anyways, yeah, it was just, yeah, you're on alert all the time and everything is a danger. Yeah. And then with Luna, I was like, hey, boo, you OK? So different with the second. So different. So different.

I remember when I was pregnant with Jasmine, one of my good girlfriends, she had her son about four months before Jasmine was born. And I'm like such a go -getter. I'm always doing things. And she called me and she's like, Chloe, listen, like, I know how you are. I just need you to stop. Like I see you on Instagram. I see you. You're doing a lot. Stop. Like slow down. Give yourself a break.

take naps where you want to, don't fight them. And it was the way in which she delivered it to me and also knowing that she just had a baby so she knows what she's talking about that I felt compelled to listen. And I was like - How pregnant were you at the time? I was probably, I'm gonna say like seven, eight months. So it was close to game time. And did you listen? I listened.

Because she kind of scared me, I'm not gonna lie. Like in a nice way, she was just like, listen, like slow down. Take the nap when you need to take a nap, like, you know, relax. And I'm happy I did listen because for me, one of the hardest things was sleep. And people talk about it all the time, like, you're gonna be sleep deprived, but it's a different kind of sleep. You can't even like. It's not just sleep deprived. It's like your nervous system, the anxiety that you feel about.

closing your eyes and leaving them to close their eyes, it's just like it engulfs you. It's a different kind of sleep deprived than just like cramming for your exams and university. Totally pulling an all -nighter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the same thing. I can confidently say that I've never truly slept the same since becoming a mom. Absolutely. I wake up at all time. Well, now I'm nursing an eight -month -old that wakes up three times a night. But like,

my body just naturally wakes up. Even when Jasmine's staying at my parents' house, I'll still wake up. Even on vacation. I'm like, why? Look at this king -size bed. No one here calling my name. It's so different. Why am I awake right now? Why am I awake right now? Yeah. Yeah. Why can't I just knock out? No, it's not a thing. Not anymore. No. You want another one? I do. OK. Here's another one. People told me that the newborn stage would go by quick.

but I had no idea it would be so quick. Oh, that one got me in the gut. I remember when Elias went from zero newborn diapers to ones. I wept. And every time he... The day I realized he was no longer a newborn was when he wasn't curled up anymore. He decided he could take up space and he wasn't curled up like he was once in the fetus. And I just looked at him.

He was born November 21st and it was between Christmas and New Year's. We went and visited our friends who had just had a baby. So he was only like six weeks old, not even. And I looked at their son and then I looked at Elias who was still so young and I was like, he's not a newborn anymore. It's so unfair because the newborn stage goes by so fast. But that newborn stage, you are in like this mom fog. Like you're almost not even fully allowed to like soak it all up because you're just.

Trying to survive. That's why I want to have a third. Do it. I literally go back and forth. Yeah. Like from one minute to the next. Yeah. But no, it goes by so fast. And that's why I'm done. You can go have a third. I'm not having any more. I know. You've made it very clear. Very clear. I'm giving away all the things. Once you like, I have bins ready to give them away. But.

I just try so hard to soak up every moment. Even though this kid has me up three times at night and I compare, I'm like, well, Jasmine was sleeping through the night at eight months. I'm like, okay, this is our journey. This is what we're doing here. I look at him at three o 'clock in the morning with my eyes half open and I'm just like, you're not gonna be this small forever and I'm just gonna soak this up because soon I won't even, holding, like Jasmine's four, like,

Lifting her is hard. She's so happy. Honestly, Elias, so Elias likes to sleep in the bed with me. And he's capable of sleeping in his own bed. I mean, I was away last week. My parents were there. He slept through the night the whole time. Like, he can do it. And when I'm there, and I get it, like, he doesn't have me all the time. So for both of us, it's kind of, it's really nice. And there's this part of me that struggles with like, no, I should get him into his own bed. He's perfectly fine.

But I'm like, he's my baby. And why do I need to rush it? You know, he's not going to be going to university asking to sleep with his mom. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's true. If he can do it when I'm not there, that was always my concern, right? Is I need to be at like, if I need my parents to watch him. So if he can clearly do it. So now I just look at him and I'm like, I just want to embrace like every little moment. And when he falls asleep beside me and he curls over and he puts his head on my chest, I'm like, I can't say no to this.

It's almost like it becomes one of those things that becomes like this badge of honour as a mom to say like, oh, my child is potty trained at 18 months or my baby sleeping through the night. Like, because I was that mom when Jasmine was, I was proud. I was like, yeah, she's eight months and she sleeps through the night. I get rest. Not really. You're still waking up. But you know what I mean? But it's like, just do what works for you. And every kid's different. So. Yeah, totally.

I think it's really important what you said, like, just do what works for you, because there's so much out there that, you know, the comparison culture is so real, being a mom. And like you said, it's like, it's almost like you, you know, you said with Jasmine, you wore it as a badge of honor. And then, you know, with Caleb, it's completely different. And I think what's so important to remember as a mom is like, only you truly know what's best for your child and what's best for you.

It's important that you consider you in the equation. Like, you know, they say, like, when a child is born, so is a mother. This is your experience. You know what? I don't have my kids all the time. I share custody. So if my child wants to sleep in my bed with me at the age of four and a half, I don't want to look back when he's 10 and ask myself why I rushed it. Right. You know? And I think that's a big question. That's something that I ask myself often these days is, like, why am I?

Why is this important to me? Is it important to me because I think it will make our household more functional? It's important for us as a family. That's one thing. But if it's just because I think, well, he's 4 and 1 half, he should be sleeping in his own bed. You know what? We kept him. I kept him in his crib until he was, was it when? Three. No, it was almost four. It was almost four? It was almost four. And I'm sure you were thinking, what the heck is she doing? I was jealous.

I was like, he doesn't come into your bed at night? That's amazing. So he loved his crib. And we had planned on putting him into a big boy bed just a few months after Luna was born. We wanted to give him that time to transition and get adjusted. But then we got separated. And I was like, well, this is not the time to force him into a big boy bed when there's already so much transition.

So I left him in his crib and he loved it. And he didn't crawl out or try to crawl out until I think it was the September, it was two months before his fourth birthday. And he tried to crawl out a couple of times and one time he did it successfully. And I was like, okay, we're done here. But I was just like, I'm going to keep him in there as long as possible. He's thriving. Why would I take him away from that environment? Exactly. Again, he's not going to be going to university asking where his crib is. Yes. And.

Every kid is so different because hearing you tell that story, Jasmine was the opposite. She was in a toddler bed before she was two because she was over the bed. Caleb is eight months. I've had to lower, we've had to lower the crib thing already twice because this kid is constantly trying to pull himself out. So then I put him in a sleep sack because I remember you telling me that Elias is in the sleep sack, was in a sleep sack so he couldn't climb out if he wanted to.

I don't know, the athleticism that this little eight month old has, I'm not even joking. He's trying so hard to get out of his crib. It's comical to me now, but we've lowered it. Now he can't, because we've completely lowered it. Well, I hope he gives up for you. Well, he'll tire himself out when he realizes he can't get his leg up over it. He's just doing a, what is this called? You're just trying to push yourself out. He's hoisting himself up. He's hoisting himself. He's not swinging the leg. He can't even crawl. It's so weird.

It's hilarious. I literally watch him on the camera. I'm like, you go, boy. I don't know what you're doing. But that is your home for the next year, minimum. You're not getting out of there any time before that. So funny. But they're so different. Yeah. But it's true, that comparison culture and do what works for you. Because you'll listen to other moms' stories, and you'll feel like, oh, maybe I should be doing that. But nobody knows your household and your schedule and what will make your family thrive better than you. Yeah. And honestly, I think,

I think the most important thing about being a first time mom is just being ready for the unexpected in every aspect and just being flexible and giving yourself grace as you go through the motions of being a new mom and experiencing so many new things and emotions that you maybe didn't know would come up for you. Like that's a huge one. Yeah. It's.

It's a rebirth. I'm just gonna say it. You have been, you have rebirthed. You are a new version of yourself. Yeah. Okay, you know what my last one is? One thing I wish someone told me before being a new mom. I'm gonna end it with this. Okay. How important it is to have a mom community. Oh my God. I didn't know that. No, of course you didn't because we didn't get to have it. No, but even, we weren't a part of a mom community.

prior to becoming a mom, like why would you need to be a part of that community? But then when you become a mom, you're like, is anybody else drowning? Is anybody else going, yes, yes, save me, save me, you know? So. It's so interesting because I don't know if you've watched the Blue Zones documentary on Netflix. Yes, love it. Yeah, but one of the things they talk about is community, community, community, community. I am a sucker for a community. You want me to be a part of something?

Sign me up. Sign me up. I'm there. If there's community attached to it, I love it in every aspect. And it's so interesting to see that cultures where there is so much community, especially into the older ages, is people live longer. And so that just put in a little emphasis on the fact that an emphasis, emphasis. I know. I know. I was being cheeky. Is important. Get into a community.

Join a Cybex Hot Mom Walk. Ah, join us? Yeah, join us on the walk. We're lots of fun. Maybe I'll show up to one of yours, just for fun. I'm showing up to yours. Good. Yes. As you should. I can't wait. They're going to be so much fun. Honestly, I'm so grateful to Cybex for making all of this happen in partnership with West Coast Kids. Yeah. And I'm so grateful for you because you brought me to a Hot Mom Walk, and here we are. Yeah, that works. Love you. Love you, too.

So what we're looking for in the Cybex Mama Mentor search is a mom that's going to lead a Cybex Hot Mom Walk in their community, host a podcast, and potentially win up to $35 ,000 in pricing. That's the jackpot. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot. OK, you have until May 3 to submit. Just head to hotmomwalk .ca, answer the questions, submit your video. Boom. Don't overthink it. No.

Just post it. Just post. Yeah, enter. Thank you for listening to season two of the Cybex Hot Mom Walk podcast, the Mama Mentor Search. Join us for more episodes where we give moms a platform to share their experiences on motherhood with the broader mama community.