CYBEX Hot Mom Walk Podcast

CYBEX Hot Mom Walk Episode #20: Mom to Grandma with Ashley Roberts

• CYBEX • Season 2 • Episode 20

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Welcoming back our new Mama Mentor, Ashley Roberts (@arober14) - and her mom!  

In this candid conversation, they’re pulling back the curtain and discussing all things motherhood, past and present. Listen as they share personal stories filled with laughs, frustrations, challenges and accomplishments. 

Show notes: 
https://www.instagram.com/cybex_usa

https://www.instagram.com/arober14/


Hello and welcome to the Cybex Pop Mom Walk podcast. Cybex started this series as a recent study found that 80 % of women at three months postpartum say they feel more alone than ever. Designed to help mitigate feeling isolated, the Cybex Pop Mom Walk podcast series aims to help moms across North America cope with the feeling of isolation and the huge identity shift that comes with parenthood. Hi everyone, I am Ashley, one of the Cybex Mommentor winners.

and I'm so excited to be hosting an episode of the Cybex Hot Mom Walk podcast. On today's episode, I'm actually gonna be having a conversation with my mom. I thought it would be a really nice way to kind of share the journey that we've had over the last six months with bringing Ivy into the world and her transitioning into her role of grandmother. And so my mom, Marilyn, is here with me tonight. And so mom, as you know, I placed in the top three for the Cybex Mom -a -mentor search. Part of that, I get to host

three podcasts. And so I'm excited to have you here today. Mum, do you know what a podcast is? I think it's just like a radio. That's a great start. Ultimately, you know, it takes a community to raise a child. And I feel so grateful that you and I are so close and you've been such a great help and a key part of my transition to motherhood that I thought it would be fun to share some of the conversations

we've had over the last six months, some of the funny things that have happened and maybe some of the things that have pissed each other off over the past six months. So let's start with like a brief intro. Mom, when was the last time you gave birth? 1986. And that was to you. So like 38 years ago, almost four decades. Yeah. Four decades ago. Um, and so you have two kids and you have one grandchild. Ivy's your only grandchild. Right. And so maybe I would love to like start off

What has been the most unexpected part of becoming a grandparent? I think the most unexpected part is how much time that you spend with them and you love it, but it sort of becomes a habit. Like you want to do it all the time and you just, it's just like part of your lifestyle. I was retired, so I had a full schedule happening. fitting in the grandchild, I thought would be difficult, but it wasn't. just,

left a lot behind and came to Toronto and spent a couple days with Ashley and then I would go home again for a few days. So I would go back and forth and it's been fun. It was nice seeing her every week. So what I'm hearing is you want to see more of Ivy and provide more childcare for her. Is that what I'm hearing? Yeah, I don't mind having her at all. mean, it's great.

Okay, love. She changes so much. And when you have your own children, you don't really appreciate them as much as your grandchild, as you notice the little things that they're doing you. Because when you're your mother, you're looking at them global things. You've got to change or feed or keep her satisfied. But as a grandmother, you can just enjoy her and play

It's funny because that's something that I've noticed you do with her that I don't is like, I feel like you have more fun playing with her. Like you're more fun than I am to Ivy. I'm so like, I got to feed her. I got to change her. I got to make sure we're on schedule. But like you just like sit on the couch and play with her. And I feel like, I don't know if you weren't fun when I was a child, but you're definitely like, I see you playing with Ivy and like you just like legitimately look like you're having a good time. Yeah, it's great when you don't have any responsibility and you can just have fun. Yeah, I love that. So.

What? I thought this would be like a good thing to cover and I know we've talked about this separately, but if you like think about raising me and my brother and now seeing, you know, 40 years has gone by basically and now you're seeing me raise a child. What is the thing that I do with Ivy that you hate the most and gets on your nerves the most? I think the thing

that got on my nerves the most was the straight jacket when you put them to bed. I mean, we didn't have that. I can understand they've done a lot of research and this keeps them from having crib death, but I couldn't imagine putting my baby in a straight jacket and how that wouldn't even be comfortable. So that was one thing that I always should say, you're putting her in a straight jacket again. Okay. Well, first of all, it's called a...

It's called a swaddle. It's a very safe way for a baby to sleep and it is recommended. I remember one of the first nights that you were in Guelph and I actually came to Guelph to visit and I went out for dinner with my girlfriends and you were looking after Ivy and I had put her to bed in her swaddle. Straight jacket. And I returned home from dinner at about 10 p .m. and she was in your arms, unswaddled, sleeping and I was so mad at you.

And do you remember why I was so mad at you? Because I disturbed her sleep. But the trouble was she kept escaping from the swaddle and I couldn't swaddle her tight enough or whatever the heck that thing is. I either had to leave her there with her arm out and her legs out, whatever. Or I had to, I felt it more safe that she was sleeping in my arms. That's why if I

more safe for her because I knew you didn't want her sleeping out of that straight jacket and I couldn't get her into the straight jacket. So I had to, you know, keep her safe. So I held her. Well, I do appreciate you taking care of her. However.

I think what upset me is that like I have to keep her on a schedule and like when she falls asleep in your arms I was like this baby's gonna need to fall asleep in my arms now every night for the rest of week. That didn't happen luckily but I remember coming back and just being like my gosh you've disturbed the schedule what are we gonna do and I do have witnesses who tell me that you never actually tried to put her down in the crib. that's true.

Anyways, I do appreciate you taking care of her and the swaddle is important. She's now not in a swaddle anymore. Her arms are out. So we are, we are past that. Do you want to know what annoys me the most about what you do since I had a baby? you breaking the schedule and going rogue with the schedule, the language you use. So you use terminology that is not even grammatically correct.

Like what? Making strange. making strange. Yeah. Yeah. Would you like to share what that is? Well, making strange. We always used to say that the baby probably will make strange at some point, which means that strangers come into the room and they'll cry because they don't know them. And that's called making strange. mean, my grandmother, my grandmother, I was just a normal phrase that we used. I feel like when you said it, I was like, are you from the 1920s? First of all, we call it stranger danger.

Anyways, I just like, for some reason, whenever you say that, it just like grates on my nerves. Is she making strange yet? I'm like, mom, that's not, it's not even a grammatical sentence. the other thing you say is when you go, she's winding up. She's winding up. She's winding up. I know in my heart, she's winding up mom. Like I can feel it on my nerves. And then you saying she's winding up gets me wound up. Everyone gets wound up together. It's not funny. It's really funny.

It's real tough. She's winding up. She's winding up. That one is another one that really, really gets to me. But I can wind her down. that's okay. Great. Love that. Okay. So maybe any tips that you have for new grandparents? Don't say much. you just have to, you know, be there, but like

say anything and try and you know when things you when you can see I could see Ashley getting uptight and the child's know fussy maybe I can take her and do my old style rocking or walking or use some of the old remedies that I used on my kid that actually seemed to work but anyways you know you know and not you know just accept what's happening it's all new I mean there's there's rules

We've heard of us grandmothers and you just have to let them bring up their own children the way they want to bring them up and just try and support them the best you can. Yeah. I feel like I heard stories of you bringing me to parties and letting us sleep under chairs at parties. think that would be illegal now. Maybe. But at the time, I mean, they were safe. You were in a basket or a laundry bag. A laundry bag.

Our laundry baskets or something, you were contained, you were safe, you were... A drawer, face down on my stomach, I'm sure. didn't put your face down, but I mean, you were there, so we were always watching you. We didn't have the fancy gadgets where you can look at them on a television screen. We had to have them near, so...

You mean you didn't have a baby monitor? I didn't have a baby monitor. We were the baby monitors running up and down the stairs, watching, looking at them, opening the door, peeking in, making sure they were all right. We didn't have any of the gadgets. Yeah, I mean, I do notice that, like, there is a lot of gear that you can get into. And I remember one conversation, I think I was pregnant somewhere in my pregnancy and we

shopping for some sort of baby gear and you were like you're gonna need washcloths. You're gonna need hundreds of washcloths and I was like hundreds of washcloths. Like I think you you know you bath them once a day. Why would I need hundreds of washcloths? And then recently you told me why. So why would I have needed hundreds of washcloths? Because we didn't have the baby wipes. We didn't have these baby wipes that come out of a little box and you wipe the bottom and you throw them out. We had to use washcloths. So we...

you know, would use a washcloth and then we would toss it and the next time you clean the baby up, used a different one, you know, so that's why you would need hundreds. I just remember I went through hundreds of washcloths a day. made more sense. I can't believe you didn't have baby wipes. mean, very eco -friendly of you. So thank you for that. But that would have been... So you just use water and a cloth. just use water, a bowl, we have a bowl of water and we just, you know, you wipe the baby with

plain water and we change it. We change the water, we change the washcloth. my gosh. Hundreds of washcloths. Hundreds of washcloths. That is definitely a different way of diaper changes than we are currently living. So what did you do when you were like out and about and had to change the baby?

We brought the washcloths and the little bowl with us and we just would use the water in the women's washrooms. didn't have, the washrooms didn't have any of those pull down little things that change the baby and we had to either change them in the bassinet or go to the car and change. We didn't really have anywhere where we could change it. I mean, it's very baby friendly now. Yeah. I mean, guess that's a good thing in a pinch to just use water. Water and a washcloth.

probably gonna need to get some more washcloths in my gear. Going back to the original question that I asked you about like any tips that you have for grandparents, I think one thing that I thought was really nice and that I really appreciated that you did is that you like really let me take the lead. I remember when we were talking about when I was giving birth and if you were gonna, you said do you want me to come to the hospital? And I was like honestly I haven't even thought of it. Like yes I think I would want you at the hospital.

Ivy surprised us all and came a month early and I think you actually had a cold at that point so you couldn't come to the hospital and you actually like didn't meet her until she was about a week and a half old which is kind of weird because I feel like normally you'd be right there but I appreciated that you like gave us time and then even after that like you gave me the time and space and to like get to know her and to figure out what I needed and then when I called you in January was like mom I I need you to come

and help me. And so it was really nice you then came, started coming to Toronto. What was it like Sundays and Mondays? Like two days a week? And it was so, so helpful. And I was so grateful that you came. Yeah, I loved coming to Toronto. And my most favorite thing was I got to take the baby out in the carriage and I gave Ash some time to herself. Because that's the thing is when you have a baby, you know, to find time to do things for yourself, even have a shower or maybe go to a Pilates class or a yoga class or just...

be without the baby. So I used to bundle the baby up and I loved putting it in her in her carriage and we'd walk all over Toronto and Dundas West has some wonderful murals. So I would sort of walk the carriage past all these beautiful murals and I'd be out for like, I mean it was, was, I had two hours I could be out but often I could be out longer than that and often I was late bringing the baby back but she was still sleeping so everything was fine.

We were off schedule again. Again, we were off schedule, but we got her back on schedule. Yeah, I really appreciated it. It was just nice that you kind of gave me the time and space because I didn't know what I needed until I knew and I was like, Mom, I need backup. So I'll definitely miss that this summer while you're away. But when you're back this fall, we will roll right back into our schedule. So maybe like another question that I have for you is

I'm interested, like any changes that you've noticed in me since I've become a mom in the past six months. Like you've known me for 38 years is definitely not a mom and honestly, like probably not really a mothering type or having any interest in kids. I'm curious, like your feedback and like what you've observed in the past six months. I think that you've become way more patient and way more tolerant of other people.

that's not really saying much about who I was before, but okay, we'll, we'll roll with that. You know, you were always on your own track, right? You you were doing your own thing and which was great, you know, doing your career and being successful and being traveling and doing this, but bringing, another person in you, you know, you are more patient. I remember, you know, you weren't very patient with people that were sick or that people were slow or that, you

I like to move fast, mom, what can I say? So now you realize that, you know, you have more patience and I know you tolerate more people that make mistakes and that kind of thing. think, you know, that's made you sort of expand. So you have that one side of your personality and now you've developed the other maternal nurturing side. I actually like didn't know what kind of mom I would be. I remember saying to Hayden before we had Ivy, I was like, I don't know if I'm going to really like.

being a mom, like I don't really know, but it's great. Like it's actually way more fun than I thought it was. But you've always gotten into things. I mean, when you do something, you've always all through your life, you've like dove right in and tried to do the best you can and that kind of thing. So I, you know, can see that you being a mother, you want to be, you know, nurturing and do the best for the baby and, also look after yourself too.

It's hard. It's a hard thing to balance because you want the best for her and you're trying to like mentally like adapt your life and who you are as a person to this baby. And it's like, you know, I'm sure that also changes with different stages. Like you've been through all the stages. You know, I'm interested to see like, what's that going to be like when she's 16? What's that going to be like when she's 24, 30 or 40? You know, like how does that change? Because I imagine it's very different, the stages. Yeah.

It's very different, but you always have a really strong love and bond for them and you're always worried about them. 24 hours, right? 24 hours you're thinking about them even when they're not there. Even I, I think about you when I'm not around. I have a baby now. So now I have to think about her too. More people to think about and to be concerned

Yeah, I felt that like when I was pregnant, I was obviously because we had miscarriages, I was like very nervous while I was pregnant with her. And then I remember thinking like, my gosh, she's going to be outside of my body. And then I'm going to be nervous about her being outside of my body. And Ivy just recently started sleeping on her stomach as her favorite sleeping position, which is like a whole nother level of anxiety. really like changes and escalates really, really quickly. So that doesn't go away is what you're telling me. No, it doesn't go away. Ever. Ever. Okay.

Love that for us, for us mums. I have a question for you, Ash. What is the most valuable thing that I've given you in regards to looking after Ivy? Like the most valuable thing that you've taught me? I think when I reflect on it, it's probably just about how I react to her. How do I stay calm when she's getting upset? How do I stay calm, you know, when we try to breastfeed

go on that journey and just really managing my own emotions and ensuring that I don't project how I'm feeling, whether it be anxious or nervous or upset or frustrated on her. I think you do a really great job of that with her. You're very, very patient. And so something I've learned from you, it's probably more by observing is just how do I stay calm?

through all the ups and downs of motherhood and just make sure I'm managing my emotions. And if that means I need to put her down in a safe space for a minute and take a minute for myself, then so be it. I need to do that to ensure that I can be the best version of myself for her. that's interesting. I thought it would be more of a physical thing like burping or walking her when she's fussy rather than just sitting with her and rocking her. That's what I would have. yes.

Well, that is true. I remember when I first had her, I didn't burp my baby because they told me didn't, a breastfed baby didn't need to be burped. And you came and you were like, you need to burp your baby, which was true. Things really changed once we started burping her. So I think you taught those as well, but maybe what I take as a more general advice or lesson or observation from you and how you mother is just making sure that I monitor my emotions and how I'm reacting to her day to day.

Mom, thank you so much for chatting. Thank you so much for giving birth to me. I know now have a better, better appreciation for what that was like. So thank you, mom. You are the best. I love you so much. learned from the best and you and Ivy have such a special bond and it means so much to me. I love you terribly both. Thanks mom. All right. Now that we are both in tears on my closet floor won't be the first time

Probably not the last time I have cried on my closet floor. I think that'll do for this episode. Again, I am Ashley. Thank you so much for listening. And I will be back again with another episode soon coming to you from my closet. Love this podcast life. Thanks so much. Thanks for tuning in to the Cybex Hot Mom Walk podcast series. Follow the Cybex Spotify channel for more updates and for new episodes.