Good Neighbor Podcast: Rochester
Bringing Together Local Businesses and Neighbors of Rochester
Good Neighbor Podcast: Rochester
EP#148: Empowered Moms with Dr. Emily Jacobs
Dr. Emily Jacobs doesn't mince words when she talks about burnout: "It's a choice." As the founder of Empowered Moms, she's on a mission to help mothers who feel there must be more to life than endless self-sacrifice.
Her journey began by witnessing her own mother's gradual deterioration – watching a once passionate woman slowly disappear into the all-consuming role of motherhood. "Some people sacrifice gracefully," Emily explains, "but others feel defeated when they have ambitions alongside motherhood." This observation became the foundation for creating a community where mothers can nurture their full identities without guilt.
The conversation takes a revelatory turn when Emily redefines self-care. Forget spa days and commercial indulgences that feel impossible to schedule. True self-care starts with a simple question: "How do I best take care of myself today?" This approach removes the guilt and makes self-nurturing accessible to everyone. Whether it's sleep, nutrition, reading, or setting boundaries, self-care becomes whatever genuinely helps you thrive.
Boundaries emerge as the cornerstone of Emily's philosophy. "They're the single most important form of self-efficacy, self-respect, and self-love," she asserts. For women socialized to please others, setting limits can feel terrifying – but the alternative is resentment and eventual collapse. Through her own story of healing a difficult mother-daughter relationship, Emily demonstrates how setting boundaries isn't abandonment but rather the foundation for authentic connection.
The Empowered Moms community welcomes women of all ages and life stages – from stay-at-home mothers to entrepreneurs, from those with newborns to grandmothers. Through her Facebook group, coaching programs, and annual conference, Emily creates spaces where women can remember who they are beyond their caretaking roles.
Join this movement of mothers raising the bar on what's possible when you believe you're worthy of nurturing your dreams alongside raising your family. Visit empoweredmoms.co to learn more about upcoming events and community opportunities.
This is the Good Neighbor Podcast, the place where local businesses and neighbors come together. Here's your host, Lisa Swiftney.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone and welcome to episode number 148 of the Good Neighbor Podcast. Today I have with me Dr Emily Jacobs and she is with Empowered Moms, so thank you for being a guest today.
Speaker 3:Thank you, lisa, I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2:Yes, we're excited to learn more. Tell me about your business.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so Empowered Moms is a community where we raise the bar for moms who know they're worthy of more. Now, what that looks like is different for everyone, and so it's not about doing more and it's not about being more, but it's about believing that. You know, sometimes when people become moms, they believe that that's their sole purpose, and it is for some people. For other people, they feel like there's something wrong with them when they might have another purpose, not a bigger one, not a smaller one, but just another purpose. And so we yeah, I mean a little backstory is I formed this company because my mom was really passionate, and I say was because the the as the decades grew on, I watched her kind of slowly deteriorate and I just knew, even as a kid, that there's got to be another way.
Speaker 3:There's different choices and I think the the words that she used, and maybe generations before that, was like, you know, you sacrifice your life when you have kids and, like I said, some people do that very gracefully and they do it really well and they play that role, and then other people, I think, feel really like defeated and that there's something wrong with them when we have ambitions and dreams and things that are different or in addition to motherhood. So Empowered Moms is a community. We have a free networking group, as well as we do in-person events, all sorts of other sponsorships and collaborations within our community, as well as higher level coaching and mentoring for women that just need to dive a little bit deeper.
Speaker 2:That is amazing. We need more people like you. Thank you, tell our listeners about your journey. How or why did you get into this business?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So just to kind of build on a little bit about that, is, you know, watching my mom go through some of the behaviors that she went through? Like, let's just talk about self-care. I don't like that word and I think it's because of how my mom taught me what self-care was, which was selfish a day at the spa. We don't have time for that, and when you're so, you're so time, you're so consumed taking care of other people you don't have time for yourself, and that is so. That's how I looked at it, like, ooh, date at the spa it sounds fun, but I get it, mom, that does kind of seem selfish when you, we have a ton of things to do, right.
Speaker 3:So then I developed that mindset and then I became a mom and I remember, as a brand new mom, my daughter's eight weeks old, and I'm like, first of all, something's not right, because I was just feeling I felt like a piece of me was missing, which was, which was true. There was a piece of me, a piece of someone growing inside of me, and then it was gone. Someone had one. I used to be, I used to be a nurse, and someone described it almost like a transplant, like you are exiting, something is exiting your body, and it felt that way and I think the reality of that is I I didn't know how to take care of myself in the early stages of being a mom. So how to take care of myself in the early stages of being a mom? So what happened was when I would hear the word self-care oh, you got to take care of yourself, self-care and I was like what's that? What's that? When I was a new mom? So what I really ended up doing was reversing the words. It's how do I best take care of myself today? That's self-care. How do I best take care of myself in this moment? That self-care?
Speaker 3:Self-care is defined as, whatever you decide, what is best for you in order to take care of yourself. End of the story. It could be getting, it could be a day at the spa, it could be reading a book, it could be sleep, nutrition, any quitting your job. I don't know what self-care is to you, but it's, it's aligning something that makes you feel better and is taking better care of yourself. So I think a lot of that had to do with that story and watching that going. I just kind of always knew I'm like, as adults, don't you just get to do whatever you want, like that was the naive child in me, but the reality is I'm an adult've been an adult for a long time. It's true, if something's not working, what am I doing to change that situation, set healthier boundaries or communicate with someone? So that's kind of the background of the whole story is a little bit of like watching my mom struggling and then myself and realizing that there is there has got to be more support for women that need this in the world.
Speaker 2:And I think as women we have a very hard time setting those boundaries. So I know in my personal life yes. Yeah, I'm happy to dive into that. That's my favorite subject Setting those boundaries. That's going to be a whole nother podcast for us. Yeah, yeah. So can you tell us about any myths or misconceptions that you have heard about in this industry?
Speaker 3:yeah. So besides self-care being selfish, I would say it and I am going to build on boundaries because I can't not do it it's literally one, one of the pillars that I, that I that I scream from in my company is, you know, boundaries is the, the single most important form of self-efficacy, self-respect and self-love. Without that right, without the boundary that you're so scared of setting because you're so scared of hurting someone, you're so scared of disappointing someone, yet you are not okay. Now, obviously, if that resonates with you, you know what I'm talking about. If it doesn't, then maybe you're doing okay and it's okay to overgive.
Speaker 3:I'm an overgiver, I'm a people pleaser, I'm sometimes a perfectionist, and these are some of my traits. They're not bad. I used to think they were bad. What I want to try to help people remember is there's just a limit to when you're giving, but you tend to overgive and then you get bitter and resentful towards the people even asking you. How could they even ask me? Don't they know how busy I am? I hate that word. I hate saying that word, because anyone that watches my you know my stories and the things that I talk about on social media is.
Speaker 3:Busy is a choice. Everything you busied yourself with, you chose to put that on that calendar. Now the moms out there are going to argue with me the moms that are doing a million things and running for the sports. But can you literally argue that you, you did. You put that on the calendar, yeah, so now? Now you're overwhelmed and stress and it's not working and you're not okay. What are you going to do now? How are you going to either take it off the calendar, move things around, ask for help or set a healthier boundary, because that is on you and that's what I'm really trying to. I really try to nurture women that have a hard time with this. Some take longer, some take shorter amounts of time and some just need to hear it over and over again. Where I tell people I'm like burnout is a choice. I know because I did it to myself for so many years. I busied myself with so many things that got me to where I am today, but only to be able to tell everybody else there are healthier ways to do things.
Speaker 2:That is true. That is so true. So when you're not working on your business, what do you like to do for fun?
Speaker 3:Well, that's a hard question, Lisa. My business is fun. I actually really love it. I love my work, I love my job. I was a nurse for a long time and I loved that until that chapter needed to close. So it's hard because I really do love the business.
Speaker 3:But what would I do outside of the business is I love to spend time with my kids. We love, we love going to the pool, and one of my hobbies that I'm bringing back you're hearing it here, even though I've been saying it for months, but I have my first lesson again on Saturday is I used to do competitive ballroom dancing as an amateur. So I'd have a professional partner and I'm an amateur, as they call it pro-am and did it for gosh, I don't know, like 15 years in my thirties and then I had twenties, thirties, and then I had children and I've gone back and forth a little bit, Like I'll dabble for a few months and I'll take like a year off, and so now it's been like a year and a half and I'm like all right, I'm getting back into it this Saturday. So ballroom dancing is one of my little hobbies.
Speaker 2:That is fun. I used to work with a nonprofit and our signature event was dancing with the survivors, where we did ballroom dancing. So are you working with a company or are you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I've been. I've just been a student of Arthur Murray's for since the beginning, so it's it's always hard to leave where you started from. I started in Arizona when I lived there and yeah, so I'm returning back new instructor, so everything will be new again, but the dance is all the same, just depends on on. I just love moving my body to music and that's that's where I get lost in time. When I, when I try to help people like like where can you just like get lost in time?
Speaker 3:So you, I mean, I know it's a 45 minute lesson, but I don't have to no one needs anything from me, no one's bothering me, I'm not even looking at my phone and it just helps me to to be free. It's always hard for me to do that on my own, which I'm working on, so just finding that quiet space, reading books and love reading, and then when I'm there I'm like committed there, and nothing will take me off the floor unless it's an emergency, and I like it that way, so it's a fun hobby.
Speaker 2:It's a great hobby, good exercise too. Can you describe one hardship or life challenge that you rose above and can now say because of that challenge that you're better and or stronger, because of that challenge that you're better and or stronger?
Speaker 3:Just one, huh, I'm sure we all have several. Yeah, I mean, I really I'm really going to talk about the challenging mother-daughter relationship I had. I was really people pleasing my mom most of my life. Now, a lot of this was not her fault. I thought it was. I lived in blame for a long time, but it really wasn't. I don't think she had the knowledge and skills and tools that I have. Number one I don't think she had the vulnerability tool that I have, because I know she didn't have that and so we couldn't connect Right. So because of that, it just was very challenging. Right, there's a lot of love there. It is really challenging.
Speaker 3:So what happened over time is I was trying to fix her. I was trying to make things better the way they used to be. I wanted my mom back, because I'm watching this, this strong and passionate woman just like kind of give up on her life, and I think that's really hard for a daughter to watch. When I knew better, I saw something different from her, and so I think one of the biggest challenges was, at the same time, I to break free from trying to save someone. Well, one. If you're in the middle of that. You're kind of an enabler. Number one, number two we can't really change people.
Speaker 3:And let me tell you, lisa, and everyone listening, I tried for decades I had therapists being like you know, it's not your job to like save your mom and make things better. And I was like why would I not try? Like I'm this, my mom, if I can't help her, I can't help anyone like. This was in my brain for decades and I'm like I'm a nurse, I help people, like surely I can help this woman. And no, it didn't happen. And I think, when I let go, I think when I was able to set boundaries with her space, with her, I was able to say things out of love, but for more respect for me, which was the hardest thing I think I'd ever done, and I could have lost the relationship, but I needed to gain myself back and so by doing that, I had a little hate mail from a friend of two of hers, like how could you do this? How could you like cut your mom on a Facebook? You know like silly things like that. I'm like because I'm not okay, but thank you for loving my mom. So there was just a lot of things around that that were, and that's how I responded, cause that's the truth. I'm like you love my mom so much Thank you, and so do I. But I have to do this and I think that that's. You know, that was kind of the the the, the challenges that I learned have helped me to where I am today, where I can help women and change the legacies and generational cycles for my daughters the previous version or those versions of her and me, the ones I didn't like and I go through shame or guilt and then I think to myself I'm still working on myself and that is the one gift I can give my daughters. I will continue to work on myself to keep breaking these cycles and I'm not mad at her and I think that's the biggest thing. That was the biggest like light bulb moment is that once I had forgiveness and gratitude. All of this comes from a place of love.
Speaker 3:I wrote a book about our relationship and these challenges. But I guarantee to everyone I'm like I promise you it's not a mom bashing book, like it's just going through our story, but I know it's hundreds of other women's stories because I've been coaching these women and asking them these stories and I'd say what's your relationship like with your mom? And they, I mean Lisa, I thought I was alone, I did not think my story. I thought my story was very unique and when I learned it wasn't is when I really wanted to use that for something good and use that voice. The written words in the book, the events, everything around that was like we have to help. We have to help these women break these cycles, no matter what age, no matter what stage in life you're in. I have clients that are in their 60s and they're like, yeah, no, I'm still people pleasing my mom and you know it still hurts, it always kind of will. But how do we also nurture and take care of ourselves in the process so we don't keep losing our identity?
Speaker 2:I had a therapist one time tell me because I was struggling with everything I had to do in life and my taking care of my mom. It was one of them and I said she said to me she goes, you are who you are today because of your mom. And I'm like, oh, okay, so that was something to really think about. So, yeah, I think it's the good, the bad, the in between.
Speaker 3:And then I also think too, lisa, is that we do get to choose, like for me. I'm like I'm picking the parts of her that were so amazing, and I want to, I want to optimize that for me, because there's parts of her there in me that are just absolutely incredible. It's what, it's what you're seeing, it's what this company is all about. Like that's, those were the great parts of her. And so what I'm working towards is then, how do I not lose myself, how do I not deteriorate? And the reality is I can't burn myself out anymore. I have to have healthier boundaries. I'm going to disappoint people. I'm a business owner. It's going to happen. Right, I have to be okay with this, because I have to stay true to the mission, no matter what, and I'm just. I've disappointed myself before. So I think that, in the reality, is that you being honest with yourself and and what do you actually need? Right?
Speaker 2:What is one thing that you wish our listeners knew about? Your business knew about?
Speaker 3:your business. Well, the one thing I want people to know is that empowered moms just in the title, I think can sound intimidating and it's really the most receptive, supportive, loving community and every single mom, like I said at every stage, is welcome. A stay at home mom, a mom, a woman wanting to become a mom Like I tell people I'm like we don't check IDs Do you want to be in this community? Do you have dreams and do you want to nurture them? Whether it's like it is starting to take care of yourself first versus like maybe it is starting a business, you don't have to have a business to be in this company, like it's, or be in this community. It really just about mom supporting moms in whatever way works for you is what I really want people to know.
Speaker 3:We have a lot of fun things, we have free things, we have paid things, we have all sorts of things to help support you, and I know I feel like just with the title itself after two years of being in business is that I think some people are a little intimidated at first to kind of like well, I don't know, do you have to have like written a book or do you have to have a you know your own business. I'm like, and really some women would ask me do I have to be a mom to come to your? You know your events? And I said again, we don't check IDs. Do you want to be in the room? Then we want you to be in the room because it's really in different ages.
Speaker 3:I think that's one. Another misconception is I'm older, I'm an older mom, I'm an older mom with young kids, and so people ask me do you just have to have young kids? Is there? Is there other women? We have grandmas in the group. Like I said, we have women of all different seasons and and they're just so beautiful and supportive to everybody and I think that's what we really want people to know about our company.
Speaker 2:That is amazing and you're doing a really good job doing it, and I saw that you have a thousand followers in the group now on Facebook.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, so in our Empowered Moms, the Facebook group, yeah, so we have a thousand members and stay tuned. There's always going to be growth in our company. We are excited to kind of reveal some new stuff coming up soon. And then we have our big conference, which was kind of one thing that really started the whole thing, like, besides the book, but when I wrote that in 2022, but the big conference was always on my heart I used to plan nursing conferences, vendors, sponsors, speakers and I loved it.
Speaker 3:I did it. And I just did it like naturally and I know that sounds kind of funny Like sometimes we do things and we're like, oh, I didn't know people could get paid for that, I didn't know that you could do these things. Like I love it so much that I'm like, why isn't there like a mom's conference where, like moms can come and like pamper themselves and get, you know, treats and goodies and shopping, and then inspirational speakers and I kept asking that question why isn't this out there? And then, in 2022, I probably was thinking about it for a while I was like designing it and I'm like, well, why don't I just create it?
Speaker 3:And, of course, as every entrepreneur's first question is, well, who's going to come, Every author who's going to write a book goes well, who's actually going to read it? Now, that is the wrong questions, right, wrong questions. So, yeah, so we, we have our third big event coming up in October and it's one of my favorite pieces that I put on every year and it's just, it's like that one room. A lot of moms are like I just need the day to myself.
Speaker 3:Right, we talk about, like mother's day, how moms some moms want to escape and some don't like again no judgment either way, I've had both, where some days I just want to, mother's days, I want to be there, and other days I'm like, get me out of here, right, but I would hear moms over and over again I just need a. That was the other thing. I was hearing that. And then I'm like I want to do this big event. Well, here you go, here's the data yourself, come and be around other women that it's just going to be so fulfilling, so full of love.
Speaker 3:And so I kept even the moms that were like I don't know if I can come, oh, it's a long day. And I'm like didn't you just say you needed a day to yourself? Are you going to? Actually and this is the hard part with, with me, being a coach is when are you? When are you going to commit to the thing that you say you need? When are you going to make that choice for yourself the investment, buy the ticket, book the book, the flight, do the thing, because it's it's. I feel like our dreams will go away. I feel like our dreams will be given to someone else who will actually do them, and I know that's really harsh, but if we're not going to get on them, it's going to be given to someone else.
Speaker 2:I just had to write that down. When are you going to commit to what you need? So that's a good one. Write that down on my list here. Yeah, so our listeners are intrigued. They want to learn more.
Speaker 3:So how can they get involved with Empowered Moms? I know Instagram's really super cool that's at dremilyjacobs' Instagram but I always feel like things get missed in social media because you never know if you're going to get that flyer or get that story. So our newsletter is on our website, which is empoweredmomsco, and there's information about our big conference in October, our free community in there, any sort of mentorship experience, those types of things everything is in there.
Speaker 2:Amazing Well, Dr Emily, thank you so much for being a guest today on our Good Neighbor podcast.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to the Good Neighbor podcast, rochester. To nominate your favorite local businesses to be featured on the show, go to gnprochestercom. That's gnprochestercom, or call 248-988-9640.