Finding Freedom and Healing: My Divorce Story | Minisode 1

Welcome to the first minisode of Money and Magic, where host Chey, the Remote Bookkeeper and Judgment-Free Money Coach, shares a deeply personal story about her divorce. Chey opens up about the events leading to her decision, citing reasons such as verbal abuse, differences in political views, and marital coercion. She highlights her path to self-discovery and healing, hoping her story helps others in similar situations. A trigger warning is provided for discussions of verbal abuse. Chey's journey is a testament to reclaiming power and loving the freedom that comes with making the hard, yet necessary decisions for a better life.

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Transcript

 Welcome to Money and Magic, the podcast that combines the mystical with the practical to help you navigate money in the muggle world. I'm your host, Chey Remote Bookkeeper and Judgment Free Money Coach. I hope this podcast helps you create a harmonious relationship with your finances that empowers you to lead your truly magical life.

Let's get started.

Hey, magical human. Welcome back to Money and Magic. This is my very first mini sode and it is a personal one. Today I am sharing my divorce story and I will be getting pretty vulnerable here. So if that's not what you wanna hear, then please feel free to go ahead and go to the next actual episode. I do believe that words have power, and by sharing them with others we can heal the world.

So that is why I'm talking about this. I do wanna put a trigger warning out there. I will be discussing verbal abuse. So if that is a topic you don't wanna hear about. That is your trigger warning. Let's go ahead and get into it. So in my last episode, I pretty much said, Hey guys, I'm back. I got divorced.

And I'm sure a lot of you were like, yeah, we wanna know what the heck happened. So that's why we're here. I'm gonna rewind a little bit to the weekend that it all happened, and that is Memorial Day weekend 2025. I was supposed to go on a trip to a van show with my husband and. A few days prior to that, we had laid down for bed and I was just so tired.

I had been prepping for our vacation. I had just gotten back from a vacation not long before that. And so I was just ready for bed and I remember him saying to me, um. He wanted to have sex in the morning, and I was like, yep, sure, you got it. Well, the morning came and I completely forgot. I'm trying to get everything ready, trying to get all my work done before we head out for the weekend, which was the next day, and he went ballistic.

He got so mad at me because I forgot that he had said he wanted to have sex the next morning. So I went on about my day and a little bit later on I was sitting at my desk working and he came over and he just started yelling and screaming and cussing and calling me all these horrible names. And he took his hand and he slammed it down on my desk.

And when he slammed his hand on my desk, it broke it. Now I've had this desk for over a decade. It has moved with me multiple times, and not once has it been broken. So that. Kind of scared me. And I was sitting there thinking to myself, what if that wasn't the desk? What if that was me? And that was not the first time I had thought that about other things he had broken.

But that is kind of when I was like, huh, I should probably think about that. And as I'm sitting there crying, which is not something I do regularly, he says to me, go boohoo to your mom. Go boohoo to your sister. Go boohoo to your dad. And then after he slammed the door and stormed out, he texted my sister.

So I find that very ironic. But that wasn't the actual thing that made me leave. I had been considering leaving for about six months at that point, but I really wanted to make it work because I had spent half of my life with this man, and I knew he had some traumas and some stuff that he needed to work through.

So I thought we could work through this. It's okay. As we were arguing about anything and everything he wanted to yell at me about over those next several hours, I told him, I'm not going on this trip with you. I don't wanna go away. If this is how you're gonna act and this is how you're gonna treat me the entire time we're gone.

And his response to that was, well, I don't want you here when I get back. So I made sure I wasn't, he left that Friday and headed north for the van show and I started packing up all of my things in the house. Uh, the house that we had built together, the house that I had designed and painted and made a home.

I spent that entire Memorial Day weekend that I was supposed to be on a trip with him packing up all of the things that I wanted to take, and that I knew I could get out of there before he got back on Monday. Thankfully, uh, both of my parents live nearby and so I was able to go stay with my mom. I had no clue what my plans were.

I just knew I needed to get out of that house, and I did not wanna be there when he got home on Memorial Day. So he came home that Monday and asked me where I was. This is after he took his wedding ring off. Before he left. He left a little card that I had made him with our vows on it as a gift. He left that behind.

So to me, he's pretty much like, Hey. I don't wanna be here. I don't want anything to do with you. I'm going on this trip without you. Good luck. So that's how I took it. Uh, I told him I was staying with my mom and that I wanted a divorce. We kind of discussed it back and forth a little bit and I said I was willing to try some marriage counseling.

He did not wanna do that. And so I filed for divorce about a week later. Uh, that was two days after my 34th birthday. The last day that I was in the house was on my actual birthday. I had asked if I could keep things there or if I needed to get a storage unit, and so he said it was best if I got a storage unit, so I spent my 34th birthday getting the last few things that I wanted out of the house and then filed for divorce two days later, August 1st, I got my own apartment and my divorce was final on August 13th.

So it did go very quickly, but we had no kids. We agreed on how things were going to be set up. We weren't really arguing, and at that point I pretty much cut all ties. Uh, that's pretty much how my divorce went. So since then I have been loving the freedom. I'm reclaiming my power. I'm learning the things that I like and what I don't like.

I'm living by myself. For the first time ever, I'm in therapy. I'm journaling more. I'm meeting new people, and I'm really enjoying my life. I didn't realize how unhappy I was until I realized how happy I am now. So a lot of people asked me, why did you choose divorce? And kind of what led us there, because obviously it wasn't just that Memorial Day weekend.

That made me think, huh? Yeah, I wanna leave. So since I get asked this a lot, I wanna tell you why divorce. So I want to preface this by saying that I'm gonna put a lot out there without telling my entire life story. I'm also not telling you this to make anyone the bad guy. This is just my lived experience and the things that I went through and possibly things that might make you question some things.

In your life. So the number one reason, the final straw for me was that he wanted kids. And I didn't, at one point, this was a mutual decision. We both said we didn't want kids. I had been sterilized. He was on board for that. Everything was great. And then at some point that changed and I had said, Hey. If you really want kids, if that's something that is passionate to you, I need you to figure out what that would take for us to do and bring me the information.

He couldn't do that. He wanted me to do all the research, all the information not happening. Um, so I finally told him, here's the deal. I do not want children. If that is something that you have changed your mind and that is something that you are adamant about wanting, then you should do that. But I am done talking about it.

And then he continued to talk about it. He continued to bring it up and so my final straw, I was like, I'm done. You constantly talk about this. I cannot keep you from having kids. I'm out. So that's the number one reason. That's what I tell most people when they say, um, his girlfriend now has two kids, so I hope that is fantastic for them.

The other reason is politics. Now, a lot of people might say, oh my gosh, you gave up your entire marriage over politics, and yeah, yeah, I did. Um, I believe that everyone should be equal. I believe in equal rights. I believe in feminism. I think Donald Trump is a piece of shit, and I was very vocal and outspoken about that.

I stood up for people regularly and he hated that. He would constantly say things like, I don't wanna be married to a liberal. That's not what I chose. When we got married, he didn't care about the president. He would say that I should clean the house or garden more and quit talking about politics. He would say, I wasn't allowed to go to protests.

He said if I ever ran for office that he wouldn't support me. And these are all things in the state of America that I was just like not okay with. Uh, it was absolutely disgusting that I was married to a person who felt this way. And so that was kind of like another straw. And on top of that, he would just make comments and say things time and time again that I just didn't really grab onto, but were kind of in the back of my head and now that I think back on them.

And over the time it kinda made me realize he really didn't like me. I think he tolerated me out of comfort because we'd been together for so long and he just didn't know how to leave. And that doesn't make him a bad guy. That doesn't mean anything against him. I just think that was a big part of it.

The final straw was our growing differences. I have been growing for the last. Seven years since we got married. I have been trying to better myself. No, better do better. Stand up for people, be more empathetic, constantly learn, and he's the same. He's the exact same person. One of the last times we talked, I remember standing on our front porch and he looked at me and he said, I am the exact same man you married seven years ago.

And I said, yeah, that's the problem. Because if you haven't changed as a person in seven years. If you haven't changed seeing the shit that is happening in the world around us, if you haven't done the work, if the therapy sessions that I paid for for six months did nothing to help you grow, I can't do anything about that.

And I can't continue to stay stuck with someone who feels like that's an acceptable way to live. So I know that's a lot and there's a lot of reasons in there. Obviously that wasn't just one reason. Uh, we were together for 17 and a half years. Like, that's a long time. Literally half of our lifetimes we were together and we just became different people.

So a lot of people ask me, when did I see this? And this is, I'm gonna throw another disclaimer. This is where the abuse comes in. Um, this is a disclaimer to my family and friends. If you are listening to this and you know me personally and you don't want to hear this part. Please stop now. Otherwise, we're going to get into some of the nitty gritty details.

Um, it kind of goes back to July 8th, 2024. Okay. This is the day that I can fully remember saying if things don't change one year from now, I'm leaving. And we were sitting on our front porch and I remember our lawnmower was broke and our yard was getting too tall. And I said, you know what, I'm just gonna go buy a new lawnmower so I can mow the garden and I'll be happy.

And at this point he. Blew a gasket. Like he went off, he slammed his head against the wall. He started cussing and yelling and screaming at me, telling me I was stupid and why the fuck would you go spend money on a new lawnmower and all of this stuff? And so I just left. I went inside and I was like, I'm not doing this.

He grabbed my coffee mug, he threw it on the floor and shattered it. And that's when I re like, that's the first time I was scared he had. Done things like that before, but not to that level. And I remember getting in my car and leaving, and when I left I said, okay, fine. I'm not gonna go get a new lawnmower.

My mom has one. I'm gonna grab it, see if that works. So I got my mom's lawnmower. I brought it back to the house. It didn't work. So I changed the spark plugs on it. I did an oil change on it all by myself. I figured it out all out by YouTube. I'm out here trying to figure out how all of this works, and he's just watching me.

The man who said he loved me, who was my husband at the time, watched me suffer, watched me sit there and try to figure this out, knowing he could have helped me. And later on during an argument, he told me, he said, I watched you stand out there, and it broke my heart at how stupid you looked trying to get that to work.

And I remember hearing him say that and thinking to myself, huh. This is someone who loves me. And that was kind of the point that I was like, okay, if things do not change one year from now, I'm leaving. And so I started my plan. I know that you cannot leave overnight, and so I started. Thinking about what would my plan be?

How would I get out of this? What would I wanna do? And I put those in process. Now that I'm actually outta the relationship, I started looking back through all of my journals and kind of reading when, when can I pinpoint when things went downhill? I have journal injuries that mentioned divorce as early as 2021, but literally six months after we got married, he was threatening me with divorce.

So it wasn't great. Um, I think I had rose colored glasses. I looked at all of the good times and I let that cloud the bad times. Um, so some of the red flags that I see now that I'm out of the relationship that I really wish women would look for while they're in it are the way he spoke to me. Like that is the number one.

No one should be yelling and screaming and cussing at you. No one should be calling you names, calling you stupid. You should not feel like you're walking on eggshells in your own home. At one point my ex-mother-in-law sent me a text message, and this was after I had left, um, and it was. Very mean. I do plan to put a transcript of this episode on my website, so I'll probably go ahead and stick that, uh, text message in there if you wanna see it.

But the overall gist of it, she specifically said that I was a selfish, self-centered, emotionless, cold, heartless bitch. And I'm gl finally, glad that you're out of our little family for good. This is the way she talked to people regularly. She said that I was a nasty no brawl wearing fat cow, and she hopes I die a lonely old witch.

And so if that is how my ex-mother-in-law talked about me shortly after I left, I could only imagine the things she said about me the whole time. I can only imagine the things that he told her. At this point, I don't really care. Um, I know the kind of people that they are, some other things in my relationship, he would say things that made it feel like he didn't trust me.

And now I realize he didn't, he never trusted me. And that's not a me problem, that's a him problem. Um, but he would make a lot of comments and question a lot of things that I'm like, bro, like, do you not trust me? No, he didn't. And then the last thing that. I really see as a red flag now. Is marital coercion.

That is a word I learned after I got divorced, and that is pretty much if you have a partner who is pressuring you to have sex with them for any reason. Marital coercion, you do not owe anyone sex, even your spouse. We would have a lot of. Arguments over the fact that I didn't have sex with him because I forgot, or because I was tired or whatever the reason was.

And that was my fault. He believed as a wife, my responsibility was to have sex with him when he wanted it, and that is how he was supposed to stay. Not angry and calm and contained. And if that is you, if you are in a relationship with someone like that, that is not okay. That is called marital coercion.

It is a form of rape and you should ask for help because that is not okay. I did not know that when I was in my marriage. I do now and I will continue to talk about it. Like I said, I have only been divorced for six months now, so there are a lot of things that I'm still working through. There are a lot of healing that I still need to do, but I will say I'm currently in a relationship and my partner.

Is incredible. Like the way she listens to me and the conversations we have, like it's, I feel so safe with her after six months, more safe than I ever felt with my ex-husband. So I hope that the girlfriend that he's with now is amazing. I hope that they work so much better than we ever did. I hope that he gets the therapy and the help that he needs and that his mom decides to no longer be a crazy psychotic lunatic bitch.

Uh, I doubt that, but. As of now, I am a happily divorced woman. I am exploring the world with a fresh mind and an open heart, and I cannot wait to see what unfolds. I wish nothing but the best for my husband and his future family. The kids he may or may not have, whatever that looks like for them, um, I wish them nothing but happiness.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse or anything like that, definitely let me know or. You know, reach out for the resources. I have plenty of those. If you're currently navigating divorce or you're thinking about divorce, the one thing that really helped get me through. Is knowing that the only way out is through, and when you get to the other side, it is absolutely glorious and it is well worth the hell that you go through to get rid of that person that was not good for you.

So if you liked this personal mini, so let me know because I would love to do more of these. If you were like, girl, we don't wanna know your life story. This is stupid. You can let me know that too, but I probably just won't listen to you. But thank you so much for listening to this and I plan to do more of these mini episodes.

I have another episode, regular episode coming out shortly in a couple weeks, so I will see you there. Rap for another spell binding episode of Money and Magic. I hope you learned something that can help you navigate money in the muggle world. If you have any questions, topics, or even your own money and magic story that you'd like to share, reach out to me on social media.

I'd love to hear from you, and if you have found the show insightful, I'd truly appreciate it. If you could take a moment to subscribe, leave me a review and share money and magic with your friends and family. Think of it like. Casting a spell to help others on their financial journeys. As always, stand tall, shine bright, and stay grounded.

I'll see you next time.