Presence among the Presents

This year I am focusing on creating a calm Christmas with an emphasis on presence, not presents.  Now of course with three kids there will be plenty of presents, but I am not going to subscribe to the "I'm so busy" holiday madness.  What I can do, will be done with joy and the rest will be left!

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Transcript

Hello family, thanks for joining me today. We are going to talk about the holiday season  Um, I was a little late getting started this year. Normally Mariah Carey day is November 1st and As I kind of take halloween decorations up christmas decorations come down Um, but this year we had marks birthday and so I waited and waited until we had this birthday party to really start decorating for Christmas.

So I'm several weeks behind. Let me tell you something funny. I was at gym and one of the cute little coaches was bringing in her Christmas tree into the office a few days before Thanksgiving. And the coach that was instructing us told me that he is a one holiday at a time kind of a guy that no decorating until after Thanksgiving.

So I said, well, do you do the decorating? To which, of course, he said no. So, basically, if you are not participating in the put up, you can shut up. Like, you don't get a vote if you are not on the decorating team. Anyway, I'm a little behind. I have probably  three jazillion Christmas decorations. All the rooms in my house get That's not true.

All the rooms don't get decorated. I don't decorate the kids rooms, but  Most of the spaces in my home get decorated. It makes me feel so joyful to have Gold and red and glitter everywhere and I really enjoy it.  But what I'm committing to this year is calm over chaos and presence over presence. Now, I have three kids.

If there's no presence,  that would be a whole nother level of chaos. So there will be presence, but I'm just going about the holiday season with strategy. So that's what I'm talking about today is just setting your intention.  As you move into the holiday season,  and some of you may have started that weeks ago, and I'm not here to judge you.

But, as you move forward in the holiday season, really choosing things that bring you joy, and saying no to the shoulds and the expectations. We talk about this all the time, but if you are looking to reduce stress in your life, the holiday season is a great time to start putting some of these practices into play.

And one of the things we can start with  for sure is not competing with others for how busy we are. Let's take that off as a badge of honor.  I don't I don't want you to brag to me about how busy you are. Brag to me about how much downtime you're enjoying with your family. That you got to sit around and talk about holiday memories or watch a funny Christmas movie together.

But in competition for how many stores you can run between and how many things you can do and  kind of over commit to to where you're in a  chaotic state for an entire month. Nope. No more bragging rights. there. Let's leave that competition behind because it's one, I think we all get into the habit of having this one upmanship of who can be the busiest person on the face of the earth.

No more, no more. Let's settle down and say. You know, I got to really actually enjoy, I got to implement practices this year that allowed me downtime to, to be present with my children, to play games over their holiday break or go on walks and look at the Christmas lights or whatever you love to do. But let's stop competing about who has The craziest life going on.

That's, that's no longer serving anybody.  So let's just stop doing it. Okay?  Alright. So, we're not, we're choosing calm. We're not choosing chaos. Which means we say that with our, our voice. If If that means having something catered to take something off your plate that you don't enjoy doing,  do it! Oh my god, somebody sent me the funniest Instagram post and it was like a Thanksgiving memo, but it had like specifically what the people were meant to bring, but very very rule based about you will bring this in this portion.

You will not bring this. It was really, really funny and that has me very inspired for my Christmas hosting. I'm just kidding. I'm not actually gonna do that, but there will be rules in place because if you have forethought  to what has created stress for you  on previous holiday seasons, now at the very beginning of December is when you can get  Away from that.

Go ahead and fix it. Just think through, this caused me stress. I'm not gonna do it. If it's teacher's gifts, there is no shame in contributing to the kitty that the room mom is collecting. That's fine. One thing that I always try to do is get a lot of my shopping done early and wrap it.  Before my kids are out of school or actually like as things arrive.

I try to get them wrapped  Unfortunately  what this does is means, you know the day before Christmas I'm telling this child what they got for this child and like you got your sister this and It's very different for my husband who does take them out shopping and then they have a little wrapping party And I do think that's really important for them  And he only has to buy presents for one person and so they have this little, you know, clan doing gifts for mom and I think it's a really special event.

And  It's easier if you only have the one person to do it for, but instead of saying, well, I have to do for everybody, I can't do that. I'm really going to try this year to make it  just  make it more than just a gift exchange. Make it where they have  had say so in what they're choosing to give, or  actually I really want them to wrap the gifts for each other.

Um, so they're taking. part in that process. And it sounds like a little thing, but I really kind of pride myself on getting everything done. So it's out of the way. And that has definitely  taken a back seat and I think has come up short in their gift exchange for each other. And so I'm saying I need to do that better.

And. not do it in a way that causes me stress, but say, Hey, here's some gift options. Come help me with this. Help me decide, help me wrap and really for them to get involved in the giving instead of  how I've done it before, because that has definitely come up short in my opinion. So, um, I am working on that.

Um, I am not a huge fan.  I think, no, I can't say I'm not a huge fan of lists because I really do love giving people something they really want if, um, if they've had their eye on something and they have list of things they like, I really love that. But I miss  people giving because they thought somebody would really love something, if that makes sense.

Um, my sister and I always at the very top of our list have surprises and genuinely mean it like if, if you see something and you just think I would love it, I would rather that than stuff I had to come up with because we all pass around the list, um, which are helpful if you only see somebody a couple of times a year, it is hard to, um, choose a present for them.

Or if you are, like a single guy, like my brother,  who's not exchanging gifts with his family, and you only get a couple gifts at Christmas time, you probably do want something that you want and need. So, I totally get the lists. However, it doesn't feel  super personal to me. So, I've decided this year, because I think everything is energy and intention, to pray  for that person as I'm wrapping the gift. 

And that doesn't sound like a whole bunch, but I think really taking a moment to pray for that person's health and well being and their joy for the next year, I think that will really mean something to me. And I hope it means something to them. Maybe, maybe they won't know it, but  I always tell my kids when they're, when they tell me that.

They like something I made like cooked or baked or whatever  that I use myself special ingredient which is love and My little one he just feeds into my my little loving heart because he is he's a bucket full of love himself But he's like mom I can taste the love in here So I do hope that people can feel the love that will be poured into their gifts because that's part of my intention this December to make it meaningful for me.

I would really, really love to be able to write a short note to each of them or think of a quote or a passage that I think would really inspire or resonate or makes me think of them. I hope that I do something like that, but at the very minimum. I would like to just pray over the person as I wrap their present, um, sending them all of just  if you want to pray to God or send good vibes, whatever your thing, whatever you want to do.

But when I pray, it is just really for someone's highest good for whatever makes them feel so happy. And doing that for other people makes me feel happy. Like. it feels connected to do that. Um, so I'm really going to make that important  part of my wrapping this year. And, um, I like to not be rushed so that I can wrap pretty presents. 

That's a goal too. So I am trying to get all of my gifts wrapped.  So that I can do that now if you've been to my website and read my blog, you know the beginning of last year I had a great intention to break my Amazon habit and To start shopping in stores and being really intentional with my spending that has gone very mixed bag through the year  I have been significantly more intentional with my spending,  buying things that I really love, but  exhausted of trying to find things in stores, especially if somebody has picked out a specific item.

And then you go to try to find it in a store. Y'all,  that is no way to spend your life. It is no way to spend your life. If you're in a store and can browse around and pick things out for somebody, then that's fantastic. But if they said they want this specific sweatshirt in this specific color, you might as well not go to a store because you will not find it and It's no bub.

And let's keep it real, y'all. I've talked to you about Dolly, my Tahoe, but as I'm driving around from store to store looking for things, I have to be  aware of the elephant in the room, the elephant in the driveway, which is my Tahoe, which is gas guzzling as I go around town looking for something I could have had delivered this afternoon had I gone on Amazon.

So  I,  I have not given up my online shopping. I do look for other places. I do look for  other ways to buy things. My, my kids are now thrift shop kids, which is fun, and I order a lot of books on Thrift books, which is a used bookstore, but Amazon is still absolutely tearing up my driveway. It only lasted a couple months before I just, it just,  y'all have failed.

Um, so anyway,  I am ordering things. They are arriving and hopefully I will have pretty little packages. It's filled with love that I can give. I am also promising myself to keep better track of what I have ordered and what has arrived and been wrapped because I do feel like I get ahead of the game and I feel ahead of the game and then I panic that things aren't even or I forgot something and I order things last minute only to realize I had everything I needed in the first place.

Um, I even did this with Mark. birthday.  I ordered things that like had this panic feeling like oh my god I haven't gotten him enough for his birthday and I was ordering things and do you know that after his birthday I found the the big gift that I ordered  First, I didn't even wrap it up, like had a panic totally forgot about this gift that I'd hidden in my closet.

Now good news Christmas is around the corner and I have to shop for four people again for Christmas to give him a present so one of them's done, but I am gonna try to do a better job of  keeping track of what I've ordered and what I've wrapped and Realizing that Things aren't even Steven. It is, it is different what my 15 year old wants and what my 10 year old wants and for him to be Magically happy does not have to equate to the same dollar value.

He is gonna be super happy Getting the things that he wants and we always have to throw in a surprise or two because the boy wants  pickles, Nutella, and a grocery store gift card because he doesn't like to ask me for things that he knows I don't love to buy like Takis and junk food,  so he asks for grocery store store card gift cards So he can go and unapologetically buy what he wants.

Well that Really doesn't compare to my 15 year olds  wish list But,  I have to think of something that he would really like that he thinks is too expensive to ask for because he thinks everything is too expensive to ask for and I'm really trying to  figure out where he gets that because I know part of it is the third child mentality, um,  gosh, I'm sure he's going to have so many money blocks to work through.

I don't know where he has gotten that he can't ask for things because the other two, good gracious, They've got no qualms, no qualms about putting things on their wish list. But, um, anyway, bless his little heart. But, I don't have to think that the dollar value needs to be even if I am providing them  what brings them true joy and for him that even includes surprises because he won't ask for anything of value  but i don't have to make it even steven and i do have to keep up with what the hell i ordered because the last minute like oh god you know do i need more for her more for him  that's no vibe not doing it.

I was really good about that last year, but just got a taste of that memory of screwing it up for Mark's birthday. So I'm remembering this year to make a list, check it twice,  and do it all before like December 10th so that I don't have  crazy running around to do for no reason because  They all get plenty and they are all happy and it's not that one little thing that you added on at the very end that changes Christmas.

Um, we did have a conversation last night at dinnertime because in my head I've got all these Christmas activities that are marvelous and we need to go to the botanical gardens and the Biltmore house and you know all of these different fun Christmas activities  and I put a lot of value on.  But it is really important to check in and see where their value is and how they want to spend their time.

And so when we went around and said, like, what do you want to do this Christmas?  I have one who wants to ice skate and Another one who would also say Ice Skate, but since she did he got to choose something else and We have a tradition. I don't think we did it last year, but  the kids and I will pile it into the car and go get  Probably Chick fil a because they really want a peppermint milkshake while we do it and then I print out a list of the best  lights in Charlotte the best houses residential houses with lights that either Time to music or some of them have Santa given out candy canes or you know different really spectacular holiday displays and we 

And that's what made his list, so it's not going to some amazing place three hours away, it's riding around the car, being together, looking at lights, um, that he loved doing. And then my oldest, he really wants to, Spend the day baking cookies. And so they all chose things that each other loves. So those are our three have to do Christmas activities.

And then everything from there is a bonus. If we get to do it great, but we don't have to stress about it. Those are the three things that we're definitely going to make time for.  Because that's what,  you know, really matters to them. And, they told me they don't really love going to the Grove Park Inn to look at gingerbread houses.

Whaaat?  Which I really do love. So, maybe that's a day trip that Mark and I go and we have that time together and get to spend that one on one time doing something we really love to do and drop the dead weight. They don't want to do it anyway.  We can have a date about it. I don't have to feel guilty leaving them back.

So just really talk about how how is time spent this year? I have already watched three Christmas movies. Now. I will tell you I am NOT a movie watcher. I'm not a TV watcher I don't often sit down and And  spend that time watching movies, probably because they watch movies I don't even care to watch.

Mission Impossible 16 is a hard pass. I don't need that in my life. I don't know if there's actually 16, but there's a, there's a lot and I don't need any of them.  So,  I do try to make a point. In the Christmas season, there's lots of holly jolly to sit down. The kids really love it.  And this year, with our foreign exchange student, I even got to watch  a movie.

We got to watch Home Alone and Elf, and she had never seen them. How fun is that? First time watching those. Um, I felt really excited to share our favorites with her, but we're also, um, we are car sing along people. And so the month of December, we get to switch and sing some Christmas carols and just have, have fun in the car in the holiday spirit.

So we'll definitely be doing that too.  And for hosting, I really am going to just set a couple guidelines. Sometimes it gets out of control and um, I can have everything done and really be ready to relax and enjoy company on Christmas Eve. But if everybody has not set the same standards when they get here, it's a little chaotic and you know, stuff's not done. 

It just feels stressful. So my intention is for, for there to be a couple of guidelines sent with love, but Hey, this is, this is our plan for Christmas Eve is to have dinner and really be able to enjoy everybody. And so, Please get all your stuff done beforehand so that we can really be in the Christmas spirit and really embracing the calm and the presence instead of, you know,  stress and chaos and last minuteness.

We're not going to do that. So we're choosing a different way of doing things this year. Um,  I really hope that you can go into this season really honoring the true. The true meaning. And if for you, that means Jesus is the reason of the season, then that's wonderful. And I think there are a few lives to be celebrated like Jesus's.

Amen. Um, but if, if you are  not a follower of Jesus, that's okay because putting Christ in Christmas, the Christmas season, December is about honoring Christ consciousness and whether or not you have someone you look as your role model for Christ consciousness, basically it is acknowledging our interconnectedness.

And that means that it doesn't really matter if somebody tells you Happy holidays or Merry Christmas Jesus doesn't care and you shouldn't either if somebody is wishing you a greeting  Then just say thank you, you too. Um, it is about really meeting people where they are, about loving them and being generous, being kind, and that's what we're bringing into this holiday season.

So however you celebrate in your home, know that I honor and love you, and I hope it is full of joy and love.  Happy Holidays.