If we are going to get real with our self-discovery journey then we are going to need to get very honest. What that means is taking off the judgement glasses that can block or rose tint our experiences so we can understand how they informed who we are. You cannot break a pattern that you are not willing to name.
Understand that objectively observing your experiences does not discount or negate the love and respect that you have for your family, but it is imperative in knowing how you were and are being informed by those relationships.
We are going to continue to pull back the curtain in understanding ways to understand who we are, our energetic blueprints, conditioning. and divine path in the coming weeks. Be sure to subscribe to journey with me.
If we are going to get real with our self-discovery journey then we are going to need to get very honest. What that means is taking off the judgement glasses that can block or rose tint our experiences so we can understand how they informed who we are. You cannot break a pattern that you are not willing to name.
Understand that objectively observing your experiences does not discount or negate the love and respect that you have for your family, but it is imperative in knowing how you were and are being informed by those relationships.
We are going to continue to pull back the curtain in understanding ways to understand who we are, our energetic blueprints, conditioning. and divine path in the coming weeks. Be sure to subscribe to journey with me.
(0:00) Rise and shine, everybody. It's time to wake up with Susan. (0:05) Spiritual awakening can be a beautiful, messy, and sometimes lonely journey.(0:09) So let's do it together. I'm your host, Susan Sutherland. (0:14) I'm an intuitive healer and spiritual mentor.We are all called to rise up above our conditioning (0:21) and limiting beliefs and shine our light on ourselves and others. (0:27) Hi, family. Thanks for joining me today.We are in a series about self-discovery, (0:33) and today we are going to talk about getting real. (0:37) But I want to tell you that my lesson in A Course in Miracles this morning, (0:43) we are on Lesson 70, and I'm so proud of my girls who are doing this with me, (0:47) our daily practice of getting out of our egoic mindset that is based in fear and lack and (0:54) limitation and separation and moving our mindset over to atonement, at-oneness, love consciousness. (1:04) And so we've been doing this daily practice, and our lesson today, Lesson 70, (1:09) is my salvation comes from me.And I listened to it this morning. I record the lesson before, (1:16) and so when I listen to it back, it's like a whole new day for me. (1:19) But I was listening to it, and it felt like I was putting a cape on, like such a true claiming of (1:31) power.This comes from me. My salvation comes from me. I am in charge of this.But with great power (1:40) comes great responsibility, and that means that I can no longer wear those little horse blinders (1:49) that allow you to see forward and not in the periphery. I need to really reflect on everything (1:57) because we're accountable for all of it. And in order for my salvation to come from me, I also (2:06) have to accept responsibility and understanding for all aspects of me.I feel like when you're on (2:17) this journey, and you are able to lift out of victim consciousness, the consciousness that (2:25) assigns blame to others for your experience, when you lift up out of that, sometimes, Susan, (2:35) we are so hesitant to find fault in others. I guess we're so hesitant that it would be seeming (2:45) to find fault in others that we don't actually examine honestly. And so you're not looking for (2:51) fault in others, but I know because I love my parents, because I feel like I had a good childhood, (2:58) because I feel like I had enough, I haven't really allowed myself to look honestly (3:08) at the lessons that they have provided for me.And so if you have the very best math teacher, (3:16) and she's your favorite teacher of all time, and no other teacher has made you feel this way, (3:24) and somebody says, oh, what problems did she give you, and you say none, then she's probably not (3:30) that good of a teacher. Our parents were chosen by us for the lessons that they would bring forward (3:39) in help to us on our journey. And so it is not, it is ignorance and not kindness (3:50) that puts the blinders on.An inability to see what they have brought forth to us that we are (3:57) meant to work through. I chose these lessons. I chose this course material.So just saying (4:04) everything was perfect, they did a good job, is a discount to them for how I thought they would (4:13) teach me. So if I leave the class and I haven't learned the lessons, then they didn't really (4:20) succeed, I suppose. It wouldn't even be their fault because it's all my journey.I've already said that. (4:25) However, I've missed the boat by peeking through these rose-tinted glasses instead of saying, (4:33) okay, there was a lesson here. I am supposed to learn from that.And so I'm encouraging you (4:40) to get really honest about things. And this is not placing blame at all. There is no blame.(4:49) All of this, every experience was for you, for your growth, for your understanding, for (4:58) you experiencing new aspects of yourself. And so with the understanding that you are not blaming, (5:06) it is still really important to put a magnifying glass on the situation and see what is there. What (5:16) am I supposed to be learning from these people and from these situations? It is really tricky (5:25) for me to look back because I adored my mother.She was, I mean, she was a freaking phenomenal (5:37) person. She did not yell at us. She treated every situation with compassion.She was kind (5:45) and generous. And also she died. And it is really hard to reflect back and find complications when (5:54) somebody is no longer with you because you hold them in such high esteem.And I've never wanted (6:01) to dishonor her by thinking that she was anything beyond perfect. But that's not fair to my discovery (6:11) journey. To not be honest.Because I've learned now through so much that really what I am (6:22) challenged to do is learn how to be and not do. To do less and to embrace being that I have gotten (6:32) caught in the doing even when it is in service. To get caught up in the doing and not to allow (6:44) myself to be.To be at peace. Well let me tell you something. My grandmother used to say that my (6:51) mother was going to work herself to death because we went to my grandparents house every weekend.(6:58) She would not sit down. It was dusting, laundry, helping the kitchen, whatever. (7:04) She was busy all of the time.My mother was the busiest person you have ever seen in your life. (7:13) And I understand now that I was given an example of the doing. And by somebody I love so much.(7:23) And that's what you want to emulate those you love. But that's completely opposite of what (7:32) I understand now that I'm working against. And so I see how I am having to balance that out.I'm (7:38) having to take that example and work through it and say, you know what? I have to do things another (7:45) way. I can't recall my mother ever sitting in the floor and playing with us. She would be cleaning (7:54) up behind us, but she was never part of the fun.She was the support staff making sure everything (8:01) was running smoothly or cleaned up afterwards. But I can't tell you what her hobbies were. (8:08) She took care of herself as far as eating, you know, eating proper food and going on walks (8:16) in the neighborhood.But what did she love to do? I have no idea. Because she put everybody in front (8:23) of her at all times. So I have to be really honest and say there were so many lessons there.And (8:33) sometimes your lessons come through as what you should do. And sometimes your lessons come through (8:38) as what you shouldn't do. But I have to be really honest and say, okay, some of what I took from my (8:45) mom is that I want to be a playful mom.I want to do handstands in the pool, provided it's at least (8:53) 85 degrees outside. Because I still don't like cold water, even if I do like having fun. But I want to (9:03) sled down the hill in the snow.And I want to be silly and laugh and have a good time. And my mom (9:11) was so busy. There wasn't playfulness.There wasn't joy. I think she found, you know, so much (9:23) satisfaction helping others. But this is what I get caught up into where I really love serving.(9:31) And then I will have my schedule so busy that it feels like work. And I have to acknowledge (9:40) that that's what was mirrored to me. That's what was shown to me as a good life, as a life of (9:47) service.And I have to really pump the brakes and acknowledge that, wait, I need to do things (9:54) differently. And my tendency is always to get back into the doing. And so I really have to (10:02) consciously schedule fun time.I have to consciously pull back when I am overbooked (10:10) or overdoing. I have to say, you know what? It's okay that the kitchen is not perfect today (10:18) because my kid wants to go shoot hoops. And I'm going to choose that right now.And then I'll (10:24) clean up when we get back. Or letting things go to choose differently. When we look through those (10:32) rose-tinted glasses, we're not able to really acknowledge the tendencies that we have.(10:40) And that puts us really limited in being able to shift how we do things, to reprogram ourselves (10:48) in new ways. When you come into this lifetime, you have all of your soul's journeys, history with you. (10:57) But you also have memories in the cells.There is cellular memory in your ancestral lineage. And that (11:05) is passed on to you. And so when we are able to look with wide eyes and say, okay, these are the (11:13) tendencies that I've inherited.But also this is the behavior that was mirrored to me. And I am (11:20) choosing a new way. We really have to do that or else we're not going to make the course corrections (11:25) that we really came to experience.We chose these models for us, for us to either help a lineage (11:35) or to provide challenges for ourselves to really have to lean into our purpose. Lean into (11:44) how we are here to express ourselves differently. So with my dad, he's still alive and I adore him.(11:52) And I have, I have really not ever looked honestly at what I am meant to learn from him. And what (12:04) what he has contributed to the parts of me that I'm really examining. Because I'm proud of how he (12:12) overcame a really challenging circumstance of my mom dying when I was 18.Now, we weren't little (12:20) tiny kids. I think my sister was 25 and my brother was 19 and I was 18 when my mother passed away. (12:26) But when she was diagnosed, she had to teach him how to do laundry.Like he had not been (12:33) a self-sustaining adult. They married young and he worked and he would come home in the evenings. (12:41) He worked out of town and would come home in the evenings and have dinner and then watch TV and go (12:46) to bed.He was not my go-to. I didn't ask his permission for anything because he was definitely (12:53) the go-ask-your-mother. But he also didn't, I mean, he probably didn't know any of my teacher's (13:03) names.He might not have known what grade I was in. Funnily enough, I was at my daughter's concert (13:11) the other day and she had a flute solo. And my dad, my stepmom, and her mom came to watch her (13:18) and she played beautifully.And he kind of knocked my elbow and was like, (13:23) she gets that from your mama because my mother played flute. And it just kind of cracked me up (13:29) because I had also played flute and then played the French horn. But there's no clue my dad would (13:34) have known that.But it just, it kind of cracked me up. He remembered that my mother played flute (13:40) because they were in high school together. But he did not know that I ever did.Anyway, (13:46) it was just kind of, it was the only dad I knew. And so I have never examined it (13:55) really under a microscope to say, okay, what did I learn from my dad? And it requires being (14:03) really honest and understanding that I'm not blaming him for anything. I just have to be real (14:10) about what makes up who I am and why I'm that way.And to not examine it honestly is a disservice (14:21) to me choosing him as a teacher and me really wanting to understand who I am. (14:29) So now I can tell you my dad is emotionally unavailable. It is very challenging to have (14:37) a conversation with him about feelings.Now, if I look at his parents, also completely emotional, (14:44) emotionally unavailable, amazing people, amazing people who I think were deeply in love. But you (14:53) didn't hear that L word in their family. Nobody communicates feelings in that family.And then (15:00) they had three boys and a girl. And so that doesn't add a huge amount of feeling to your family. (15:05) But it was just so different.I knew that they loved me. But until I was older and kind of forced (15:13) the issue on my grandmother, who I called Gigi. And I was like, I love you.And then she was like, (15:19) I love you too. But then I go to my mother's house and her dad would be like, I love you. (15:27) And I appreciate you.Like he was so wordy and expressed emotions so easily. And so now (15:35) that I'm really looking at things, I can see how differently my parents were raised. And because (15:43) of that, how differently they presented themselves to me.And so there's no accusation or blame (15:52) or fault. But I have to understand how I got to be who I am. So how I communicate with my dad, (16:02) where I can connect with my dad, is with sports.That is his language. It is (16:11) nearly the only one he is fluent in and wants to talk about. He likes sports.And so when I look (16:19) at myself and how I am perhaps competitive to a fault, a bit of an overachiever. Because (16:29) I understood growing up that that was the way to get acceptance and validation from my father. (16:37) His love language was sports and just about the only language.And so if that's not how I was (16:43) able to communicate with him, then I missed out on that relationship with my dad. Even now, (16:51) I would say 50% of our text messages are about sports. Did you see this? Did you see this? (16:57) It's how I'm able to connect with him.And so I have to understand when I am overly competitive (17:08) or when I feel like my validation and my worthiness and my acceptance are through achievements. (17:18) It is a disservice to me and him to not acknowledge where that came from. So that I can (17:25) reparent myself and say, you don't have to do anything to be worthy of my love.You don't need (17:33) to achieve or win. I have stopped telling my kids that winners sleep inside because I really (17:43) have to acknowledge my competitive streak. And I don't want them to feel that way.And so they (17:53) know I'm competitive to the point where I'm not going to let them win. I'm sorry. If you beat me, (17:59) it's because you rightfully won and more power to you.But we're not doing the I let you win (18:08) situation in my house. However, I do try to show them as much pride in their effort, (18:16) in their attitude, in their ability to do hard things or try new things. (18:24) Um, when I told my dad that Zosia was playing soccer, he's like, why? I mean, it's just a (18:32) different mindset.These are the things you do. This is how you achieve. Um, and I'm really trying (18:38) to do things differently with my kids.So that if you are on a team that loses every single game, (18:47) but y'all are out there working and showing good attitudes and being encouraging to one another, (18:54) then I'm still your biggest fan. I'd be your biggest fan if you weren't, but I really have (19:00) to understand the implications within me for how my dad did things so that I can change it. (19:10) I have to be the one who changes this behavior for my family.And that's really important for (19:17) me. It's also really important for me, for my children to know they can talk to me about (19:24) anything, absolutely anything. And I'm not going to get mad about it.It is a conversation (19:32) and that's that. There is nothing that they cannot tell me. And I hope that they know and (19:40) feel that.Um, my daughter had a really tough day a couple of weeks ago and I could tell she (19:47) was really upset. And I just waited until after dinner. And then I just went in and laid down on (19:53) her bed and told her I've been in seventh grade before.It can be hard. So just tell me what's (19:59) going on and her just getting it off her chest to somebody that's not a girl or a boy in her (20:07) school that might be involved in the situations. You can just tell me and then be done with it.(20:13) And I can reassure you that this day will pass. The situation will pass. This hard time will pass (20:20) and I'm always on your team.And so it's really important. I had that mother too. I had that (20:26) example.But if you're going on a self-discovery journey and you are not being honest about what (20:35) was modeled to you or what hoops you were jumping through for love or validation or acceptance, (20:45) then you're not going to be able to go back to the inner child version of you that needs to be (20:51) reparented. That needs to be loved differently. And you're not going to be able to course correct (20:58) for your children.Because unless we're being honest about our parents, we're probably not (21:05) being honest about ourselves and how we are showing up for them. So another area that I think (21:14) it's easy to brush over or put those little horse blinders on is with your abundance or scarcity (21:24) mindset. If you were raised by parents who gave you enough, regardless of what enough may have (21:34) looked like, a lot of times we're so appreciative of how they sacrificed for us or what we were able (21:44) to have in our childhood that we are not honest about some of the money mindset or abundance (21:52) mindsets that we have inherited from them.And you can't correct it. You can't reprogram how you see (22:03) money, how you see abundance, how you think about those who have a lot versus those who have a (22:12) little. Who's entitled to that? Who's worthy of being affluent? If you were raised in a middle (22:22) class family, you can still have these limitations, this ceiling of abundance that you can't get (22:31) through unless you are honest.That you think people with money are greedy or you think you (22:38) have to work super hard for every dollar or you think that having more than enough is too much or (22:46) you know like whatever was taught to you about money from your parents, you have got to be honest (22:57) about it. And it's really tricky, but understand that it is not from a place of lack of appreciation. (23:05) You can still appreciate every single thing they did for you, but if you would like to take that (23:13) abundance energetic set point, the ceiling that you have on you, and move it up a floor.If you (23:22) want to allow more for your family, for your children, then you have to get real. So when I (23:31) energetic set point is really interesting and one of the books I did, it was asking the question (23:37) because this is it's so true that it doesn't matter what happens in a month, you will likely have just (23:45) about the same in your bank account. If you have an influx of money, you might have an influx of (23:52) expenses.It always seems to be right at the same balance and that is because that is what you expect (24:00) to have and that is where your energetic set point is. And if it goes above that, if you get an influx (24:08) of money, then it's like whoa I don't know what to do with that money. And sure enough there will be (24:13) a way for that money to go away from you.So it is really challenging yourself to see yourself as (24:22) worthy of more and that comes with being really honest about what your money story is. What do (24:31) you believe about money? Who do you think is entitled to have more? To earn more? What are (24:39) your negative connotations for people who have less or people who have more? But when we are (24:46) painting over our parents and acting like they are perfect and taught us nothing that needs to (24:54) be corrected, we are losing the opportunity to learn from the experience and move that energetic (25:02) set point up. Move it up.You can take an elevator up with your energetic set point once you start (25:10) changing your money mindset but none of it can happen when we are not being real. I've had a (25:18) client who had a sibling who was always in signed up for the lessons and signed up for the sports (25:26) and for her that was not available for her. Well what do you think that does when somebody else is (25:33) worthy of having this money or time spent on them but you are not? But if you just say, (25:40) oh my parents did a good job.They had their hands full. You are ignoring the imprint that (25:46) that kind of situation would make on you and then A. You are likely to repeat it with your kids but (25:54) you are not addressing and releasing it and saying, you know what? I am worthy. I am worthy (25:59) of gum at checkout and a basketball group and I am worthy of singing lessons.I am worthy of all (26:07) that just by being me and I am going to release this limiting thought that somehow I'm less than (26:15) because I wasn't able to have that. But we got to get real y'all. We got to be honest about what are (26:24) the situations we were exposed to.I think when we are choosing our lessons, your birth order, (26:31) oh my goodness, it matters so much. I have said full honesty, I think firstborns to young parents, (26:40) those are some brave souls who are just like, all right, I'm here for it. But also the youngest, (26:46) when you come back, when you come back and I guess you're meant to be the independent soul.(26:54) Like bless my little one's heart. He has to be independent. It is expected of him to pack (27:01) whatever he needs to keep up with his assignments.This is just his rodeo and often (27:08) they are the children who are on the sidelines of the older children's activities and they choose (27:17) their birth order too. And so if you're not looking at what were the experiences (27:23) that you encountered, then you're missing the fact that you chose this birth order. You chose (27:29) these parents.You chose these lessons. So I am telling you that I am getting real over here (27:38) and I ask you to do the same. Start getting real and saying, I honor my parents by learning from (27:47) them.I honor my parents and our lineage by changing some of the practices, some of (27:56) were ingrained ways of being. I am going to model something different. I am going to (28:03) change how I think about myself.I am going to reprogram myself. And so we're on this self (28:14) discovery journey. We are, we're getting real because that's the only way we can make changes (28:21) and really embrace this journey.So thanks for listening. If you are ready to have a one-on-one (28:29) session, I've got my link in the show notes. I would love to work with you.Have a great day, (28:36) have a great week, and I'll see you again next week. Thank you so much for joining me this week. (28:43) Be sure to not miss any upcoming episodes by subscribing to the podcast.That way it's (28:49) available automatically in your RSS feed. This is a crazy journey. Let's do it together.