I4L, Tips to Greatness: Navigating Life with Insightful Information (T2G Series)

Debunking Demons - Understanding Cluster B Personality Disorders, part 2 of 5

• Daniel Boyd • Season 2 • Episode 17

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Unlock the secrets to understanding Extreme Self-Focus Disorder (ESFD); our label for NPD to foster a better understanding of the core of this Cluster B disorder. In this episode, we start with a narrative story of a Dr. Chen, who shares a compelling narrative about a high-achieving yet emotionally volatile patient to illustrate the core traits of 'ESFD' and shed light on the disorder's profound impact on interpersonal relationships. We promise you'll gain a deeper appreciation for the complexities of 'ESFD,' clinically known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and dispel common myths that often surround this misunderstood condition.

Discover the subtle yet significant differences between overt and covert forms of ESFD, and learn why covert ESFD, often masked by shyness or self-doubt, can be just as disruptive as its overt counterpart. We debunk the stereotype of constant outward arrogance, revealing how deep-seated insecurities often lurk behind a confident facade. We'll also explore the high comorbidity rates with other mental health issues, emphasizing the importance of a comprehensive approach to diagnosis and treatment.

Finally, we delve into the challenges of navigating relationships with individuals affected by 'ESFD,' especially for those who are emotionally codependent. Gain valuable strategies for healing from narcissistic abuse, setting healthy boundaries, and fostering compassion without compromising your own mental health. Whether you're looking to understand the nuances of 'ESFD' or seeking practical advice for coping with toxic dynamics, this episode provides empathetic perspectives and actionable insights to help you through your journey.

References for Further Reading:

Becoming the narcissist’s nightmare: how to devalue and discard the narcissist while supplying yourself. Arabi. (2016).

Borderline, narcissistic, and schizoid adaptations: the pursuit of love, admiration, and safety. Borderline, narcissistic, and schizoid adaptations: the pursuit of love, admiration, and safety. (2019).

Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5 (5th ed). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5 (5th ed). (2013).

Don’t you know who I am?: how to stay sane in an era of narcissism, entitlement, and incivility. Durvasula. (2021).

DSM-IV personality disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Lenzenweger, Lane, Loranger, & Kessler. (2007). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2006.09.019

Gender differences in narcissism: A meta-analytic review (2015). https://doi.org/10.1037/a0038231

Grief counseling and grief therapy: a handbook for the mental health practitioner (Fifth edition). Worden. (2018).

Kaplan & Sadock’s synopsis of psychiatry: behavioral sciences/clinical psychiatry (Eleventh edition). Sadock, Sadock, & Ruiz. (2015).

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A Current Review. Ronningstam. (2010). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-009-0084-z

Pathological Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (2010). https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.121208.131215

Prevalence, Correlates, Disability, and Comorbidity of DSM-IV Narcissistic Personality Disorder (2008). https://doi.org/10.4088/JCP.v69n0701

Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad - and Surprising Good - about Feeling Special. Sharma. (2018). https://doi.org/10.4103/IJPSYM.IJPSYM_136_18

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Daniel Boyd:

Unmasking ESFD 50 Myths About Extreme Self-Focus Disorder Debunked. Dr Olivia Chen stood before the ornate mirror in her office adjusting her blazer. One last time, her reflection stared back, confident and poised. Perfect, she thought, just as she liked it, just as she needed it to be. As she turned to leave, a flicker in the mirror caught her eye. For a split second. She saw not her polished exterior, but a scared little girl, desperate for approval, terrified of abandonment. Olivia blinked and the image was gone.

Daniel Boyd:

Shaking off the unsettling moment she strode into the university auditorium, hundreds of eager psychology students awaited her lecture on emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships. Good morning, she began, her voice carrying effortlessly across the room. Today we'll be exploring the complexities of human emotions and relationships. But first let me tell you about a patient I once had. The students leaned in, captivated.

Daniel Boyd:

This patient was brilliant, successful and admired by many. She had achievements that most would envy. But beneath that gleaming surface lay a tumultuous, emotional world. Her feelings were intense, often overwhelming. One moment she'd feel on top of the world, the next she'd be plunging into an abyss of despair. Olivia paused, her gaze sweeping across the room. Her relationships were a rollercoaster. She loved deeply, passionately, but her fear of abandonment often led her to push people away before they could leave her. She loved deeply, passionately, but her fear of abandonment often led her to push people away before they could leave her. She struggled with a sense of emptiness, an unclear self-image that shifted like sand beneath her feet. As she spoke, olivia felt a familiar twinge of discomfort. She pushed it aside, focused instead on the wrapped faces before her. What this patient didn't realize, what many don't realize, is that their greatest challenge isn't the world around them, it's the person staring back at them in the mirror.

Daniel Boyd:

The lecture continued, but a part of Olivia's mind kept drifting back to that flickering image in the mirror. For the first time in years, she wondered if perhaps she had more in common with her patients than she cared to admit. As the students filed out at the end, one lingered behind. Dr Chen. The young woman said hesitantly how does someone, someone like your patient, begin to heal? Olivia felt a lump in her throat. It starts, she said softly, with being brave enough to really look at yourself in the mirror, to see past the reflection you want to see to the person you truly are. It's about learning to ride the waves of your emotions without letting them drown you. It's about building a stable sense of self even when everything feels like it's constantly changing. The student nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Thank you, she whispered before turning to leave. Olivia stood alone in the auditorium, her carefully constructed facade beginning to crack. She realized that perhaps it was time for her to take a long, hard look in that mirror herself. After all, the first step in understanding the complexities of the human heart was understanding one's own.

Daniel Boyd:

Welcome to the second episode in our five-part series on Cluster B Personality Disorders and Misconceptions. Today we're diving into Extreme Self-Focus Disorder, or ESFD, which is the term we're using to describe what's clinically known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As we mentioned in our previous episode, we've chosen to use alternative names for these disorders to reduce stigma and focus on their core aspects. Esfd captures the essence of this condition an extreme and persistent pattern of self-focus that significantly impacts an individual's life and relationships. It's crucial to understand that quote ESFD end quote is more than just vanity or self-importance. It's a complex mental health condition characterized by one a grandiose sense of self-importance. Two preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.

Daniel Boyd:

3. Belief in one's own uniqueness and that one can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions. 4. Need for excessive admiration. 5. Sense of entitlement. 6. Interpersonal exploitation. 7. Lack of empathy, specifically emotional empathy. 8. Envy of others or belief that others are envious of them. 9. Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. To be diagnosed with ESFD, an individual typically needs to consistently exhibit at least five of these traits. These patterns must be 1. Pervasive, occurring across various situations and contexts. 2. Persistent, stable over time, usually beginning by early adulthood. 3. Problematic, causing significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning, such as negatively impacting relationships.

Daniel Boyd:

It's important to note that only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose what we're calling ESFD. This process often involves multiple sessions and may include structured interviews, psychological testing and gathering information from various sources. Throughout this podcast, when we use ESFD or discuss individuals with extreme self-focus, we're referring specifically to those who meet the clinical criteria for what's formally known as narcissistic personality disorder. Our goal is to foster understanding and dispel misconceptions about this complex disorder. Before we dive into the misconceptions, let's talk about the prevalence of ESFT and related statistics. Prevalence rates refer to the proportion of a population that has a specific characteristic or condition at a given time. For ESFT, or clinically known as narcissistic personality disorder, studies suggest a prevalence rate of about 1% in the general population, with rates between 2 to 16% in clinical settings American Psychiatric Association 2013. It's worth noting that ESFT is more commonly diagnosed in males, with a ratio of about 50 to 75% male to 25 to 50% female who are formally diagnosed. Kaplan and Sedok 2015.

Daniel Boyd:

It's important to note that ESFD isn't a one-size-fits-all condition. Researchers have identified different types of extreme self-focus, including what's called covert or vulnerable ESFD. This type is less obvious and can be harder to spot, especially for someone who has never run into one of these types before. Interestingly, some studies suggest that women might be more likely to show this covert type of ESFD. Gryalva and others 2015.

Daniel Boyd:

Think of it like this If typical ESFD is like a peacock showing off its feathers, covert ESFD is more like a chameleon, blending in but still needing attention. People with covert ESFD might seem shy or self-doubting on the surface, but deep down, they still have these core ESFD traits like needing admiration and feeling special. Here's the tricky part Because covert ESFD is less obvious, it might be underdiagnosed, especially in women. This could happen because the quiet, self-doubting behavior of someone with covert ESFD doesn't match what most people think of as extremely self-focused. It's like looking for a lion but missing the cat that's just as fierce on the inside. Pincus and Lukowitzky 2010. This potential underdiagnosis is important because it might mean we're not getting the full picture of how ESFD affects different people. It's like only counting the red cars on the road and missing all the blue ones. You wouldn't get an accurate count of all the cars out there an accurate count of all the cars out there. Understanding these different forms of ESFD can help us better recognize and address the condition in all its varieties, regardless of gender. It reminds us that mental health conditions can show up in diverse ways and we need to look beyond the surface to truly understand what's going on.

Daniel Boyd:

When discussing mental health conditions, it's also important to understand comorbidities. Comorbidity refers to the presence of one or more additional conditions co-occurring with a primary condition. Esfd often co-occurs with other mental health disorders. Studies have shown high comorbidity rates with mood disorders 45-50%. Anxiety disorders 40 to 45%. Substance use disorders 40 to 50%. And other personality disorders, particularly from cluster B 25 to 40%. Stinson and others 2008,. Ronningstam, 2010.

Daniel Boyd:

Now, regarding the sources of our 50 common misconceptions, these were compiled from a variety of reputable sources, including peer-reviewed psychological literature, clinical observations and common public misunderstandings reported by mental health professionals. Key sources include the works of Dr Craig Malkin, dr Romani Devasula and Dr Eleanor Greenberg, all respected experts in the field of narcissism and personality disorders. We've also drawn from publications by the American Psychological Association and the National Institute of Mental Health. It's important to note that these misconceptions represent a synthesis of commonly held beliefs and are not meant to be an exhaustive or definitive list. Let's dive into the 50 common misconceptions.

Daniel Boyd:

Misconception 1. All people with ESFD are outwardly arrogant and boastful. Reality While some individuals with ESFD may be overtly grandiose, others might present as shy or self-deprecating, known as vulnerable narcissism. Misconceptions ESFD is the same as having high self-esteem or extreme self-confidence. Reality Unlike healthy self-esteem, esfd involves a fragile sense of self that requires constant external validation. It's not genuine self-confidence but a facade hiding deep insecurities. Misconception 3. People with ESFD don't have insecurities or experience self-doubt. Reality Many individuals with ESFD experience deep-seated insecurities and self-doubt, which they often mask with grandiose behavior or overcompensation.

Daniel Boyd:

Misconception 4. Esfd is caused solely by excessive praise in childhood. Reality the development of ESFD is complex, involving a combination of genetic, environmental and neurodevelopmental factors. Misconception five All successful CEOs and leaders have ESFD Reality. While some traits associated with ESFD can contribute to professional success, not all successful individuals have this disorder. Contribute to professional success. Not all successful individuals have this disorder Misconception 6.

Daniel Boyd:

People with ESFD can't form any genuine relationships or friendships, or they always end relationships abruptly when they're no longer satisfying Reality. The relationship dynamics of individuals with ESFD are complex and often contradictory. While it's challenging for them to form and maintain genuinely reciprocal relationships, they can form connections. However, these relationships are typically conditional and based on how well they serve the person with ESFD. A crucial concept here is supply, which refers to the admiration, attention or other forms of validation that individuals with ESFD crave. Supply can also come in the form of practical benefits like financial support, shared living expenses or access to resources. Relationships often last only as long as the other person provides this supply. When emotional supply dwindles, the person with ESFD may abruptly end the relationship, often saying it quote no longer serves them. End, quote. This sudden termination can be confusing and hurtful to the other person until they realize the true nature of the vampire they've been living with. However, the same individual might maintain other relationships that seem contradictory. For instance, they might continue living with an ex-partner who previously hurt them deeply if that ex-partner provides practical benefits like help with rent or access to transportation. In this case, these practical benefits become a form of supply. This can lead to seemingly inconsistent behavior. An individual with ESFD might discard one relationship over a perceived slight like public embarrassment, while maintaining another relationship with someone who caused deeper hurt simply because of the practical benefits. It's important to understand that these relationships, whether maintained or discarded, are always viewed through the lens of how they benefit the individual with ESFT, rather than being based on mutual emotional connection or shared history. This utilitarian approach to relationships is a hallmark of ESFT, but it doesn't mean these individuals are incapable of forming any connections. With awareness and proper guidance, individuals with ESFT have the potential to develop more balanced and genuine relationships.

Daniel Boyd:

This transformation represents one of the most challenging personal growth journeys possible, a task that only the most determined and exceptional individuals could hope to achieve. It requires a level of self-reflection and personal development that goes beyond what most people ever attempt in their lives. For someone with the SFD, embarking on this journey of change could be seen as the ultimate test of their abilities and strength. It's an opportunity to prove their exceptionalism in the most meaningful way possible, by conquering their own deeply ingrained patterns and emerging as a truly evolved version of themselves. This process isn't for the faint of heart. It demands a level of courage, introspection and perseverance that few possess. Those who do undertake this transformative journey and succeed will undoubtedly set themselves apart as truly remarkable individuals, capable of overcoming one of the most formidable psychological challenges known to mental health professionals. It's a path that offers the potential for genuine, lasting admiration and respect, not just the fleeting validation they may be accustomed to seeking. However, it's crucial to note that this journey, while immensely rewarding, is also incredibly demanding. Many individuals with ESFD may find the prospect too daunting or may not see the value in such intense self-work. The choice to embark on this path of transformation ultimately lies with the individual, and it requires a genuine desire for change that goes beyond surface level connection and, as a side note, I have looked long and hard for any documented case of someone with very, very high, unhealthy levels of narcissism that changed, and I have not been able to find one documented case, not one Misconception.

Daniel Boyd:

7. Esfd is just extreme selfishness or being egotistical Reality. While self-focus is a key component, esfd is a more pervasive and problematic pattern of behavior and inner experiences that goes beyond simple selfishness or ego. It involves complex patterns of thinking, emotion and behavior that significantly impact various aspects of life. Misconception 8. People with ESFT don't experience empathy at all. Reality Empathy in ESFT is complex. Some may struggle to retain effective empathy feeling others' emotions but might retain some cognitive empathy understanding others' feelings but might retain some cognitive empathy understanding others' feelings. Remember that these people weren't born this way. Often it's terrible experiences with those who already have unhealthy levels of narcissism who turn them into the vampire they are. In a future episode we will explain why the vampire mythology came from dealing with these people. We think you'll find it pretty compelling.

Daniel Boyd:

Misconception 9. Esfd is easily identifiable in all situations. Reality. Some individuals with ESFD can be quite adept at hiding their traits in certain contexts, especially when it benefits them. Misconception 10. All people with ESFD are abusive. Reality. While ESFD traits can lead to harmful behaviors, not all individuals with ESFD are abusive and many may not realize the impact of their actions. Misconception 11. People with ESFD always know they have the disorder. Reality. Many individuals with ESFD lack self-awareness about their condition due to its egocentronic nature. Misconception 12 esfd is just a modern social media driven phenomenon reality. While social media may exacerbate certain traits, esfd has been recognized in psychology for decades. Again, we're going to get into the vampire mythology and explain how and why it actually came from people dealing with these types of people.

Daniel Boyd:

Misconception 13. All people with ESFD are extroverts Reality. Esfd can manifest in both extroverted and introverted individuals, with some showing more covert or vulnerable narcissistic traits. Misconception 14. Extreme self-focus disorder is untreatable and people with ESFD can't change their behavior Reality. While challenging treatment can theoretically help individuals with ESFD develop healthier patterns of thinking and behavior, with appropriate intervention, motivation and support they can theoretically learn to manage their symptoms and improve their relationships. Misconception 15. People with ESFD don't experience depression or anxiety Reality. Individuals with ESFD can experience these and other mental health issues, often triggered by perceived failures or lack of admiration. Misconception 16, esfd is the same as psychopathy Reality. While there may be some overlap in traits, esfd and psychopathy are distinct clinical concepts. Misconception 17, all children of parents with ESFD will develop the disorder Reality. While there's a higher risk, many children of individuals with ESFD don't develop the disorder. And that concludes our list of 50 misconceptions about extreme self-focused disorder. We hope this information has helped shed light on the complexities of this condition and dispelled some common myths the true cost of loving someone with extreme self-focus disorder.

Daniel Boyd:

Individuals with ESFT often present a charismatic, confident facade that can be incredibly attractive, whether they are overt, grandiose, covert or vulnerable types, etc. This initial attraction can lead to intense, whirlwind romances that seem too good to be true. You may actually feel like you found either the one or one of the ones, depending on your viewpoint. Over time, the partner may notice inconsistencies between the ESFD individual's words and actions. Examples of inconsistencies between words and actions in ESFD individuals Promises versus follow-through Words.

Daniel Boyd:

I'll always be there for you. You can count on me, no matter what Actionsently fails to show up during important events or emergencies, often with elaborate excuses. Commitment to the relationship One Promises versus follow-through Words. I'll always be there for you. You can count on me, no matter what Actions Consistently fails to show up during important events or emergencies, often with elaborate excuses. Number two Commitment to the relationship Words You're the love of my life. I've never felt this way about anyone before.

Daniel Boyd:

Actions Continues to flirt with others, maintains active dating profiles or has emotional or physical affairs. Three empathy and support Words. I understand how you feel. Your feelings are valid and important to me. Actions dismisses or belittles the partner's emotions when they conflict with their own needs or desires.

Daniel Boyd:

Four financial responsibility Words I'm great with money. I'll take care of our finances and make sure we're secure. Actions accumulates secret debt, makes impulsive purchases or fails to contribute to shared expenses. Five personal growth Words I know I've made mistakes. I'm committed to changing and being a better partner. Actions continues old patterns of behavior, blames others for their actions and shows no genuine efforts to change.

Daniel Boyd:

Six exclusivity and commitment Words you're the only one for me. I don't even notice other people anymore. Actions constantly seeks attention from others. Compares the partner unfavorably to exes or other potential partners. Seven sharing responsibilities Words we're a team. I'll do my fair share around the house. Actions Consistently neglects household duties. Expects the partner to handle all domestic responsibilities.

Daniel Boyd:

Eight Conflict resolution Words I believe in open communication. We can work through any problem together. Actions communication we can work through any problem together. Actions Stonewalls during arguments, gives the silent treatment or becomes verbally abusive when confronted. 9. Future planning Words I want to build a life with you. Let's plan our future together. Actions Avoids or sabotages any concrete plans for the future. Keeps the relationship in a perpetual state of uncertainty. 10. Appreciation and Reprocity Words. I'm so grateful for everything you do. I'll make it up to you. I promise Actions, takes the partner's efforts for granted, rarely reciprocates acts of kindness or support.

Daniel Boyd:

These inconsistencies can be subtle at first, but tend to become more apparent over time. The partner may find themselves constantly confused, trying to reconcile the loving words with the hurtful actions, often doubting their own perceptions in the process. The most insidious aspect of ESFD is the profound lack of emotional empathy. While they may understand logically that their partner is hurting cognitive empathy, they are incapable of truly feeling or connecting with their partner's emotional pain. This disconnect creates a chasm in the relationship that can feel bewildering and deeply painful for the non-ESFD partner who thinks they are dealing with a healthy fellow human. The ESFD individual's constant need for admiration and validation can drain their partner emotionally, leaving them feeling depleted and unimportant. It's nearly impossible to fully comprehend the devastating impact of being in a romantic relationship with someone who has ESFD unless you've experienced it firsthand. The disconnect between the person you believe you're in love with and the reality of who they are creates a profound cognitive dissonance that can shake the very foundation of your reality.

Daniel Boyd:

For those who are emotionally codependent, especially temporarily due to life circumstances, the allure of an ESFD individual can be particularly strong. This temporary emotional codependency is a highly vulnerable state and it's recommended that individuals heal from this condition fully before seeking a partner. People who are temporarily emotionally codependent due to life circumstances, such as the death of a partner, are extremely vulnerable, especially if they've never experienced emotional codependency in their lifetime and can't recognize what they're feeling. These feelings cause confusion and doubt. These individuals often become prime targets, drawn in by the ESFD's person's initial charm and promises of love and support. However, once emotionally invested, the damage to their psyche can be severe and long-lasting. In the worst cases, they can end up adopting ESFD traits themselves as a maladaptive coping mechanism.

Daniel Boyd:

Healing from Temporary Emotional Codependency After the Death of a Partner. The death of a partner, especially if the death is sudden and unexpected, can create a state of temporary emotional codependency where the surviving individual struggles to regain their sense of self, since the overlying joint identity has been ripped away. Regardless of how strong their individual identity is, this vulnerable state requires careful navigation and time for healing. Warden 2018 outlines four tasks of mourning that are crucial for overcoming this temporary codependency 1. Accepting the reality of the loss. 2. Processing the pain of grief. 3. Adjusting to a world without the deceased. 4. Finding an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life. The third task is particularly relevant to overcoming emotional codependency, as it involves developing new skills and ways of being in the world without the deceased partner. This process of rediscovering oneself and building a new life is essential for healing self, and building a new life is essential for healing.

Daniel Boyd:

Whitfield 2010 adds that unresolved grief can lead to codependent behaviors. He emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and working through grief emotions to prevent the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms and blind spots that can prolong this temporary emotional codependency. Remember, not everyone who attracts a toxic person is a toxic person themselves, especially if they have no pattern of attracting toxic people. Sometimes we attract a measurably unhealthy person who is in desperate need of what and who we truly are. Temporary emotional codependency blinds us to who they are and leads us to justify their objectively and clearly manipulative behavior and fragile self-esteem, sometimes even leading us on a mission to prove to a therapist that the person you attracted is just nuanced and not a measurably unhealthy person, even when the overwhelming amount of evidence keeps hitting you square in the face.

Daniel Boyd:

It's crucial to note that healing from such a profound loss takes considerable time. While everyone's grief journey is unique, it's important to understand that five months is generally not sufficient time to fully process the loss of a partner and overcome the resultant emotional codependency. Grief experts often say that the first year is the hardest, as the bereaved person experiences all of the firsts without their partner First birthday, first holiday season, first anniversary. Warden 2008 stresses that grief is not a linear process with a set timeline. Some people may start to feel better after several months, while others may struggle for years. And remember just because you feel better after several months doesn't mean you're not emotionally codependent anymore.

Daniel Boyd:

The complexity of the relationship, the circumstances of the death and the individual's coping mechanisms all play a role in determining the length and intensity of the grief process. Both Worden and Whitfield agree that seeking professional help can be beneficial in navigating this difficult period. Grief counseling or therapy can provide tools for managing grief, rebuilding independence and avoiding the pitfalls of prolonged codependency. But remember, five months of grief counseling may not be enough. Remember, while temporary emotional codependency following the death of a partner is a common and understandable response, it's important to actively work through the grief process to regain independence and the sense of self without the layer of joint identity on top, because a joint identity on top of your own is inevitable in any real, authentic relationship, no matter how fiercely independent and self-sufficient you are. This healing process takes time, often much longer than five months, and may require professional support. Patience with oneself and an understanding of the complex nature of grief are key components of the journey towards healing and independence.

Daniel Boyd:

This vulnerability of emotionally codependent individuals to narcissistic abuse is supported by research. A study by Lancer in 2018 found that codependents are more likely to be attracted to narcissists and to stay in abusive relationships with them. The study notes that lifelong codependents often have low self-esteem and a tendency to prioritize others' needs over their own, making them particularly susceptible to the manipulation tactics used by individuals with narcissistic traits. While self-esteem may be intact after the death of a partner, that tendency to prioritize others' needs over your own is a very real coping mechanism. Furthermore, the potential for victims of narcissistic abuse to develop extreme self-focused traits themselves have been observed in clinical settings. This phenomenon, sometimes referred to as narcissistic abuse syndrome or narcissistic victim syndrome, can lead to the adoption of narcissistic defense mechanisms as a way to cope with the trauma of the abusive relationships, arabi 2017.

Daniel Boyd:

The aftermath of such relationships often leave survivors feeling isolated and misunderstood. Many find that sharing their experiences leads to an outpouring of similar stories from others who have been through the same ordeal. This shared understanding can be both validating and heart-wrenching, as it confirms the reality of their experience, while highlighting how widespread this issue truly is. It's crucial to understand that healing from a relationship with an ESFD individual is an incredibly challenging process. The psychological wounds inflicted by such an experience run deep, often requiring professional help and significant time to heal, to avoid adoption of the same traits. However, with support, understanding and a commitment to self-care, recovery is possible. If you find yourself in, or recently out of a relationship with someone you suspect has ESFD, remember that you're not alone. Learn the difference between someone who's truly extremely self-focused and self-centered and someone who's just, confident, authentic, abrupt and sometimes comes across as abrasive. Seek support from therapists who specialize in narcissistic abuse recovery. Join support groups and be patient with yourself as you navigate the healing process and, above all, vow to never do to another person what was done to you Again, as this bears repeating.

Daniel Boyd:

With awareness and proper guidance, individuals with ESFD do have the theoretical potential to develop more balanced and genuine relationships. However, this transformation represents one of the most challenging personal growth journeys possible, a task that only the most determined and exceptional individuals could hope to achieve. It requires a level of self-reflection and personal development that goes beyond what most people ever attempt in their lives. As of today, we have not been able to find one documented case of this growth and evolution actually happening. For someone with ESFD, embarking on this journey of change could be seen as the ultimate test of their abilities and strength. It's an opportunity to prove their exceptionalism in the most meaningful way possible, by conquering their own deeply ingrained patterns and emerging as a truly evolved version of themselves.

Daniel Boyd:

This process isn't for the faint of heart. It demands a level of courage, introspection and perseverance that few possess. Those who do undertake this transformative journey and succeed would undoubtedly set themselves apart as truly remarkable individuals, capable of overcoming one of the most formidable psychological challenges known to mental health professionals. It's a path that offers the potential for genuine, lasting admiration and respect, not just the fleeting validation they may be accustomed to seeking. However, it's crucial to note that this journey, while immensely rewarding, is also incredibly demanding. Immensely rewarding is also incredibly demanding. Most individuals with ESFT will find the process too daunting or will not see the value in such intense self-work, since we cannot see the actual impact of two choices playing out and then compare the outcome objectively. The choice to embark on this path of transformation ultimately lies with the individual, and it requires a genuine desire for change that goes far beyond surface-level considerations.

Daniel Boyd:

Remember, esfd is a complex disorder that requires professional diagnosis and treatment. These misconceptions highlight why it's crucial to avoid casual labeling and seek expert help when dealing with suspected ESFD in oneself or others. When dealing with suspected ESFD in oneself or others. In our next episode, we'll be exploring misconceptions surrounding emotional intensity disorder EID, our term for what's clinically known as borderline personality disorder or BPD. We'll continue our journey of understanding and destigmatizing these complex personality disorders. Remember, destigmatizing the cluster B disorders doesn't mean that you should entertain a romantic relationship with a person suffering from this disorder. Far from it. We recommend avoiding that option, as doing so will inevitably lead to emotional turmoil, probable manipulation and an unhealthy dynamic that may be difficult to navigate, especially without professional support.

Daniel Boyd:

People with extreme self-focus disorder, or ESFD, often experience difficult and unstable relationships. This is partly because they struggle to recognize healthy relationships and are often drawn to people who aren't good for them. Sadly, even if they come across a genuine caring person, they may not recognize it as something positive. This is because they've often had experiences with people who not only saw, but then took advantage of their vulnerabilities. Instead of seeking help to break this cycle, they may adapt similar harmful behaviors themselves. Given that it's 1% of the population, thankfully, it seems that most people who encounter these types do not fall into the same trap.

Daniel Boyd:

Most of the time, people with ESFD don't connect with emotionally healthy individuals. However, sometimes they meet good people who are going through tough times. This can lead to two scenarios. One, they might push these good people away, seeing their temporary struggles as weaknesses. Two, or the person going through a hard time might make choices they normally wouldn't, crossing important personal boundaries. This can lead the person with ESFD to mistakenly assume they're dealing with another emotionally unhealthy person like those they're used to. They struggle to understand that they should be patient and supportive during this difficult time. They don't realize that with proper support, the healthy person will likely return to their natural balanced state, often much faster than if they had to seek out and pay for professional help on their own.

Daniel Boyd:

People with ESFD often confuse walls which keep everyone out and assure that everything ends with healthy boundaries, which not only left the right people in but keep them in. This confusion can lead to pushing people away or the person with ESFD being left behind. When someone tries to point out how they're making their own life harder, people with ESFD often deny it or blame others. It's very challenging for them to see how their own actions are causing their own problems. It is important to note that there are currently no well-documented cases of individuals with ESFD fully overcoming their condition. The path to change is extremely difficult and it seems that all of them find it easier to continue with familiar patterns, even if those patterns are harmful.

Daniel Boyd:

There's a particularly troubling situation. We need to address Individuals who recognize and exploit the vulnerabilities of people with ESFD, including their maladaptive coping mechanisms. This scenario becomes even more problematic when it involves mental health professionals. Consider this example A woman with covert ESFD seeks therapy. Her therapist, instead of providing unbiased professional help, has her own unresolved issues, perhaps a bias against men due to personal experiences. This therapist might have entered the field to fix herself rather than to help others, and the educational system failed to identify and address these red flags. In this worst-case scenario, the therapist might reinforce the client's distortive views rather than challenging them constructively. They could encourage blame-shifting and victimhood mentality instead of promoting personal responsibility and growth. Victimhood mentality instead of promoting personal responsibility and growth. The therapist's own biases could lead to misdiagnosis or inappropriate treatment plans. This situation could exacerbate the client's ESFD symptoms and further damage their ability to form healthy relationships.

Daniel Boyd:

This nightmare scenario highlights several systemic issues. One, the need for more rigorous screening and ongoing evaluation of mental health professionals. Two, the importance of addressing personal biases and unresolved issues in therapist training. Three, the potential for harm when professionals exploit vulnerable individuals. Four, the complexity of treating personality disorders, especially when compounded by poor professional ethics. It's crucial for individuals seeking help to be aware of these potential pitfalls. If you suspect your therapist is reinforcing unhealthy patterns or imposing their own biases, it's important to seek a second opinion or report unethical behavior to the appropriate licensing board. For those supporting someone with ESFD, be aware that not all professional help is created equal. Encourage seeking therapists who specialize in personality disorders and have a track record of ethical practice.

Daniel Boyd:

While it's important to be understanding towards people with ESFD, it's equally crucial to protect your own mental health. You can offer kindness from a distance without putting yourself in emotionally dangerous situations. Reducing stigma around ESFD means understanding the condition better, not exposing yourself to potentially harmful relationships. What destigmatization means is that we aim to foster understanding and empathy towards individuals suffering from the disorder, acknowledging their struggles without excusing harmful behavior. Destigmatization is about recognizing that extreme self-focused disorder. Again, our label for NPD in the context of this podcast episode is a serious mental health condition requiring proper treatment and support, not just a label to dismiss someone's experience. It's essential to approach those with MPD with compassion, but also with boundaries, ensuring that your own well-being isn't compromised in the process. By understanding the disorder, we can help reduce the fear and misconceptions that often surround it, while still making informed decisions about how to engage with individuals suffering from it in a safe and healthy manner. References for further reading are in the description. Thank you for joining us today. Stay curious and do your best to stay compassionate passionate.

People on this episode

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Daniel Boyd

Host
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Rachel Stidham

Co-host