In this episode, we will be exploring how our sense of worthiness can often become tied to external factors - the way people see us, the approval, importance, love, acceptance or forgiveness they may or may not provide us with.
We discuss the impact this mindset inevitably has on our mental health, and the deep sense of shame, frustration, emptiness, anxiety and even depression that can result when we go round the circle of chasing after the external things that inevitably will still leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled because they simply are not the answer.
I would like to invite you on a journey of self discovery that will lead you home again, back into the truth of your true identity as the divine being you are that is inherently worthy at your very core.
By shifting from a deficit motivation to a divine motivation, we can move out of this cycle of seeking and into a sense of true fulfillment that comes from sharing the truth, love and worthiness that is within us.
Take a minute to share this message with the world if it resonated with you or if you think there is someone out there that could benefit from it. And please know that I am here for you if you ever want to get some support in doing this work.
I love you. Talk soon,
Robin
Website: robinkeesler.com
In this episode, we will be exploring how our sense of worthiness can often become tied to external factors - the way people see us, the approval, importance, love, acceptance or forgiveness they may or may not provide us with.
We discuss the impact this mindset inevitably has on our mental health, and the deep sense of shame, frustration, emptiness, anxiety and even depression that can result when we go round the circle of chasing after the external things that inevitably will still leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled because they simply are not the answer.
I would like to invite you on a journey of self discovery that will lead you home again, back into the truth of your true identity as the divine being you are that is inherently worthy at your very core.
By shifting from a deficit motivation to a divine motivation, we can move out of this cycle of seeking and into a sense of true fulfillment that comes from sharing the truth, love and worthiness that is within us.
Take a minute to share this message with the world if it resonated with you or if you think there is someone out there that could benefit from it. And please know that I am here for you if you ever want to get some support in doing this work.
I love you. Talk soon,
Robin
Website: robinkeesler.com
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Identity Factor podcast. My name is Robin Keesler and I will be your host. Let's go.
Looks like we're live. Hello everyone. Welcome in. Today I want to, um, talk about something very important, and this is the foundation of. Everything that I wanna do moving forward in this podcast on, on this YouTube channel, everywhere that this is being offered, I have to sneeze.
Excuse, excuse me.
I shared with you guys all my story yesterday from kind of a 10,000 foot view. Um, just a quick introduction to the foundation of how I got into the work that I'm doing, and I want you to do something for me today, um, as we begin to discuss this conversation of unshakable strength and unwavering worth.
Because everything that I'm about to do in our work moving forward is really about bringing you home to the truth of who you really are, and it doesn't matter. If you consider yourself to be rich or poor, fat or thin educated or not, right? Whether you are struggling with addiction or success shame, right?
There's so many people that shame themselves for anything and everything. It doesn't matter. Whatever. Whatever life you're living, you are so capable. As I'm sure you know, of finding something to feel shame about, something to hide about yourself, um, something that makes you feel at times unworthy or inadequate.
And so I wanna begin with an, um, an invitation for you, um, to do something. I'm just gonna read this excerpt from Debbie Ford's book because she, uh, says this probably better than I could. So if you're at a place. To, um, to be still for a moment and come into this space with me in a very mindful way. I wanna invite you to do that and I want you to spend a moment just kind of grounding yourself in your body, and I want you to travel somewhere with me.
I want you to do something if you're open to it. I want you to imagine that you knew at birth. That you were a master, that you were powerful beyond measure, that you possessed enormous gifts and that all it would take to deliver those gifts to the world was your desire to do so.
Imagine. That you came into this world with your heart filled with the healing power of love, and that your only desire was to bestow that love onto all those around you,
no matter where you are in your life. I want to invite you to come again back to this place and imagine. That you had the innate ability to have all that you want and all that you need. Imagine that you knew at birth that at some point in your life that you knew that there was no one else in the world like you.
And that every fiber of your being that you knew that you not only possessed the light of the world, but that you were the light of the world. Is it possible that at one time in your life, perhaps at the moment of birth, as you came into this world, With your mind open, your heart full. Is it possible that at one time in your life that you knew beyond any shadow of a doubt, you knew at the deepest level, who you were, who you truly were, and that you rejoiced in your gifts?
I'm gonna invite you to take a moment now and see if you can remember that time, see if you can remember that time when you knew the truth of who you really are.
And it's okay if you can't remember even consciously, but I wanna invite you to imagine that there was a time. Where you did know, where you were fully aware of the truth of who you really were, of your divine nature, of your unshakeable strength, of your unwavering worthiness,
And I wanna invite you to imagine, excuse me, that at some point in your life, That you, that you knew that you had this, and then something happened along the way, right as you came into the world, that you were born with, that knowing, with that fullness, with that worthiness, with that love, with that light, and then something happened and it's as though a veil of forgetting was placed over you.
Right? It's as though. That light began to get covered up somehow, right? That you began to question it. Maybe someone in your life came and told you a lie. Maybe a parent, a partner, a friend, a child at school, right? Something happened. Some people began to tell you that people that have a lot of money are greedy.
People began to tell you. That people who are depressed aren't fun to be around. Someone maybe told you that it wasn't okay to have that body shape, that people that are educated won't ever be able to have a life like that, right? All these belief systems and that you began to take those on, that you began to believe them.
And I wanna invite you to notice for a moment at what point in your life. Did you began to, at what point in your life did you begin to lose that sense of unwavering worthiness of unshakable strength of unshakable worth? At what point in your life did you begin to believe that your sense of worthiness, that your true worthiness was actually fragile?
That it could in fact be tarnished, that you had to earn it, that it was not in fact consistent, complete whole. And oftentimes we think we consciously know this, right? That all humans are worthy. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know. But in our body, there's something deep inside. Where we don't fully believe it. And this is why we so often, especially in the coaching industry, right?
So many of us, it's like, I can know this intellectually, and the conscious mind can have an awareness of it. We can believe it at some level, and some of you may not even fully, but for many of us, we, we believe it at some level, but when we have these responses in our body, we're getting ready to talk a lot about mental and emotional health coming up very soon here, and I'm gonna be doing a lot of interviews.
With these coaches and leaders and, and one of the things that I've been working a lot with people around, especially, Coaches and, and entrepreneurs and leaders that I've been coaching inside this program that are at high levels of earning power and they're starting to have success, shame, and all kinds of things that are coming up.
And it's not a conscious belief system, it's an unconscious belief system. It's something in their body that's being triggered. And so I wanna invite you to go back to that moment if you can, and notice when did you begin to take on these belief systems, what is it that you believe or that you once believed your worth was tied to?
So finish this sentence for yourself. I will have worth if I will have worth when? What is that belief system for you? I will have worth when I am loved, I will have worth. When I'm accepted, when I'm liked, when I'm wanted, when I'm forgiven, I will have worth, if I could just be important, right? If, if my life could have meaning or purpose, I will have worth.
When I am adequate. When I am seen as adequate, right? I will feel worthy as long as the world doesn't think that I'm greedy or selfish or rude. Right. All coming again into that, that feeling of being loved, accepted, right, adequate, important, all. What are the things for you I will have worth if this relationship, if I can just have a long-term relationship?
What are the things that you're attaching your worth to? And this is what I wanna show you because this is the loop that we so often get stuck in, but people do not realize. And it's, it's this loop. And for those of you that are listening to the podcast, if you would like to, to come and, and look at this drawing that I'm putting up on the board, you're welcome to.
It'll be on my YouTube channel or the Facebook page, but I just want you to notice something, right? I'm drawing this triangle here on the board, and I want you to notice that at the bottom of this triangle is your health, and then there's your worth. And then there's this ability to give and receive love.
And then at the very top, we have this desire for joy. And I want you to notice that as humans, we all have this, this drive right to, to have our health be taken care of. That's very normal. And if our physical needs aren't met right, we kind of go into that survival mode and, but this, this need for worth, right?
That's where we kind of move into this need for worth. And notice that our worthiness, if we do not have that internal belief, that knowledge, if we are not filled. With a sense of worthiness and that we are loved and the ability to have joy, right? Which is, in order to have that, you have to have that secure sense of, of being loved, of being able to love and receive that love.
And you can't do that until you know that you are worthy, right? If you do not feel in every ounce of your being that fullness, that knowing that you are worthy 100%. And you are insecure in that, then your ability to love to, to love and be loved, your ability to have joy will be compromised, right? You won't be able to experience the fullness of that.
And this is why so many people in their businesses, I work with people and coach with people that are, you know, making 300, $400,000 in their business. I was coaching someone the other day who was at a multimillion dollar business. I think she was at like 3 million or something. She was utterly miserable.
She did not have joy. In her business, she had stress constantly worried that she was gonna lose it all right? She had profound fear, but I'm gonna lose it all. Why is that a problem? She didn't have conscious awareness of this, but her sense of worthiness was being tied. To her business and that success, and if I lose it all, notice when you feel like you're fighting for your life.
Like right, it's on the line. Her health, her physical needs, right? Her basic needs, were not gonna be, that wasn't what she was afraid of losing. She wasn't afraid that she was going to go into utter poverty and become homeless. Right? Not necessarily, but she was gonna lose what she had built. And so much of that was tied to this sense of worth to be loved, to be accepted, to be important, right, to be seen as important, to be seen as adequate for herself, to be able to believe that she was adequate, that she was capable, that she was strong, that her life had meaning and purpose, right?
All of that is gonna go up here, right? To be loved, to be accepted. Right. Oftentimes we want to be forgiven, right? For the things that we've done. We carry regret and shame. We want to know that we're important, right? We want to know that we ha our life has meaning or purpose, and we wanna know that we are adequate.
Because if we can meet these six needs, then we will feel finally, we will feel secure. We'll feel secure in our worth. We'll feel significant, and to feel secure and to feel significant. These are powerful, powerful foundations of that sense of worthiness. But when these things, when we believe these things come from external validation, So many of us are seeking that external validation or that external answer that's gonna support our internal needs.
This is what I talked about in my story yesterday that I shared with you a little bit. I'm gonna show you how this works, this cycle that we get caught in, right? So notice. That this need for worth when we do not feel and have that internal sense of worth, truly, and it's okay. This isn't a shame or a judgment.
So many people were afraid to just admit that we don't always have it right. It happens to me all the time. Probably about every week I notice myself feeling that tension, that fear, I get attached to a relationship, to a result in my business, something's going on, and as soon as I feel that I notice it.
Is this my umbilical cord? Right. Am I being coming attached to this? Am I, am I stepping out of that sense of internal worthiness and security? That true identity? Am I forgetting, is that veil of forgetting coming over my eyes again, my heart to where I am starting to believe? That these things are gonna somehow come from this external validation, right?
When I hear about people in the community that are trashing me, right, and especially in the queer community, right? This, these are painful wounds for me. Wounds of belonging and rejection, right? When people say things about me, right? If I'm not secure in the truth of who I am and my worthiness that will begin to impact my mental health, my emotional health, I will begin to feel painful, painful emotions.
Right, so just notice that, and this is what happens, our worthiness when we are coming right from a deficit deficit. I don't know how you spell that, but let's say a deficit motivation. Right. I'm missing something. I'm empty. I need, I need something, right? I'm not whole. I'm not complete. I'm really not good enough just the way I am.
Right? For me to be this rich, I need to make sure people know that I don't love money, that I'm not greedy, right? I there, they need to know that there's something externally outside of me that needs to happen. Otherwise, I'm gonna feel shame of this success, right? So we have this deficit motivation, and what we do is we, we come outside of ourselves and we seek a goal.
Right. A goal that we think is going to solve for that. Again, that goal might be, I need to be seen a certain way. That goal might need to be, I, I need to achieve a certain thing. I need to get this PhD, I need to get a master's degree. I need to get some kind of an education to prove to myself, to prove to the world that I'm important, that I'm adequate, that my life has meaning.
I need to go volunteer, right? I need to go show the world. That I have this good heart. I need to be loved. I need to be accepted. I need this relationship to work out. I need her to love me. I need him to love me because if they don't, then notice what am I gonna make that mean? I am all of a sudden my sense of security, my sense of significance is going to be chipped away.
The truth that I wanna show you is that that's impossible. But notice what happens when we're not in that place. We go after this goal, this thing that we think is going to meet that need. And so when we go after that goal, what we, what we show up with is really a, a self-centered behavior. Okay? And so what we have here is a self-centered behavior.
And that's not a bad thing, right? Again, this is not to shame anyone, but notice that when you're, when you're coming from that deficit motivation and you're going after that goal, it's a self-centered behavior. It's in order to to help bolster yourself, your own ego, right, to heal something that's wounded.
And so that's where the focus is coming from. And so notice that you go into this self-centered behavior, and when you do that, And you finally come over here and you attain the goal, right? So you finally attain it. And when you attain the goal, what happens? You attain the goal. You get the house, the job, the money, the degree, right?
Whatever it might be that you're going after. Maybe even you, you have all the friends. I see so many people that have the, they have the Instagram photos and this huge group of friends, and on the inside, what I hear all the time, so often what I hear is that they feel a sense of emptiness. Right. And when I did the podcast interview with Jessica S.
Morrow, which you guys are gonna be hearing soon as we release these mental health, um, awareness campaign podcasts, she talks about that, right? That was one of her hardest moments, and I hear this from people over and over, over again with, whether it's money, relationships, kids success, right? I thought this was gonna be the thing.
And then you arrive there and you feel this sense of emptiness and it didn't work. And that is one of the most painful places because you become desperate and your worthiness wasn't, it wasn't the solution. And what happens, especially with people that are wealthy, this is referred to as the Solomon Syndrome, right?
Where you may not know the story of King Solomon, it's from the Bible. But I grew up listening to that story. King Solomon was rich, he was wealthy. And so he could go around this circle, this loop as many times as he wanted. Right? And this happens with a lot of people who are wealthy. They end up sometimes even destroying themselves if they're not careful because they can go after another goal and another goal and another goal, right?
King Solomon, he did all those things he could. He he. Sex, women, drugs, alcohol, right? He, he built tall monuments. He became a diplomat. He was a king, right? Back in the day. He had all the accolades. He went after all the importance, all the things to make himself feel adequate, to feel loved. He, he surrounded himself with friends and people, right?
And women, and none of it worked. He called it. In the end of his life, he called it a chasing After the wind. All of these things. It was a chasing after the wind. And Jim Carey said the very similar thing, right? He said, I wish with all of my heart that each and every one of you could attain the success and the fame and the fortune.
And all these things that you dream about. He said, I wish so deeply that each of you could have these things that you think are gonna be the answer, so that you could finally realize that they're not, it's not the answer. And so we'll go around this loop of having, as long as we have this deficit motivation and that deficit motivation comes from that, the lie, the biggest lie is that belief that I will.
I will be worthy. When I will be worthy. I will be secure. I will be significant when I meet this goal, when I finally do the thing and notice it's outside of myself, when I do that thing that's outside of myself, when I get that, those accolades, when I get that reputation, as long as everyone sees me the right way.
And none of it works. And so the transition that we need to make, the transition that I am going to invite you to make is this, because when we switch and we exit out, this I will statement. When we let go of that lie and we can step in to I am, I am worthy right now. I am worthy. I am loved. I am accepted.
I am forgiven. All my past things that I used to beat myself up for and carry along with me, all that shame, I have forgiven myself, right there is nothing to hold against me anymore. The slate is clean. There is no shame, right? I am loved. I am accepted. I am important. My life has meaning and purpose. When I know that, when I believe that, and I am adequate, I am adequate, I am able, I have full capacity, whatever that dream is, that purpose in my life that I'm here to fulfill, I'm not here to fulfill the purpose of Barack Obama or you know Brene Brown or anyone else.
That's their meaning, that's their purpose, that's their destiny. But my destiny, my dream. It's in my heart for a reason, and because of that, because it is mine, I have been uniquely designed to complete it. I am adequate. There is no other way. I am adequate to fulfill the destiny that I am here to fulfill.
I have everything I need, and when I believe that, that I am loved, that I am accepted, that I am forgiven, that there is nothing to hold against me, that I am important, that my life has meaning. Do you notice I'm saying this a couple of times and that I am adequate. When I get that through, when I really allow those things to sink in, what I all of a sudden, therefore, what happens is I am secure.
I am secure in my worth, and I am significant. I am significant in this divine unfolding. My life is significant no matter where I am, even when I was in the depths of my addiction and my homelessness and living in my car and friendless, and everyone was against me. So it seemed, even in that moment, I was significant in this divine unfolding, and I was adequate even in that moment to fulfill my destiny, my purpose, my meaning.
And here I stand. Not because I will have achieved worth anything outside of me. I already had it. I always have. And so do you. And when I believe that, when I replace, I will with I am, I am worthy. What happens is this deficit motivation, it goes away. And do you know what it's replaced with? It's replaced with a divine motivation.
Right, because all of a sudden what happens is this, this triangle that I've drawn, this source, this center that is the center of your heart, your very identity, it becomes filled up to the brim with worth. Right. You don't have to seek it anymore. You have it. And as you have that worth, your ability to love becomes so much bigger and your ability to receive love because your, your belief in it is already there and your ability to have joy is boundless.
You can have an unconditional joy because you know I am worthy no matter the situation, no matter the external circumstance. It just is. And when that happens in this, and you are filled with that love and that light and that that strength, And that unwavering worthiness, what happens is it begins to overflow and you now have a divine motivation.
So your motivation for going after this goal, that same goal, you're gonna go after it, but you're going after it instead. Not from a deficit. From a divine motivation, you're not going after that external thing. In order to gain your worthiness, in order to gain approval, you're going after it in order to give, in order to give love, in order to give and share the light and the love and the joy and the worthiness that you are so full of.
It begins to come out of you, and so you're not seeking something that you need. You are sharing something that you already have. Do you see the difference? And so when you move from seeking to sharing, because of that divine motivation, your behavior is no longer self-centered, it's heart-centered. You're having heart-centered behavior.
So you can do the same thing. You can give your partner flowers, but when it's coming from a deficit motivation, they sense it and they say, oh, she's needy, or this right? They there. There's something there. They can feel it. But when it's coming from a heart-centered behavior that's just from love, people can sense that difference, can't they?
You know what I'm talking about? And when you attain a goal when you're already full on the inside and it's coming from that heart-centered. Motivation, that heart-centered behavior, and when you attain that goal from that place, it doesn't feel empty anymore because you're already full. And so what you feel instead is a sense of fulfillment.
Can you see that?
That's where fulfillment comes from. That's where true fulfillment comes from. All that, the, the joy, the love, the worthiness. It's already, it's already inside you. Right. It's already inside you. And so when you can begin to release and break free from those, those chains of needing that external validation, needing the world to see you a certain way, and when you can begin to believe in the truth of who you already are, regardless of how much money you have or don't have, regardless of what your body looks like, your level of education, regardless of your past life choices, when you can let go of all of it and just realize, I am.
Worthy when you can step into this true identity and to know it with all your heart and to feel it, to remove the veil of forgetting and to come back to that moment, as we said in the beginning, right? Can you imagine that place, that time in your life? Imagine that you knew at birth that you were a master, that you were powerful beyond measure.
Imagine that you came into the world with your heart filled with the healing power of love, and that your only desire was to bestow that love on all around you. Imagine that you knew at one point in your life, in every fiber of your being that you were worthy, and can we. Come home to that. Are you ready to come home to that unshakable worthiness?
Because it will give you a strength and a power to live a life that is extraordinary. A life that is fulfilling. A life worthy of being remembered. Of being, of being you. A life every life is worthy, right? But a life that is. That is worthy of your own sense of coming home. Right. When I, when I am living from that place, it's not that my worthiness has ever, ever, you can't add to it.
You can't take away from it. But when I'm living out of alignment with it, I. That's where all the negative emotion, that's where all these, when we're about to talk about the mental health challenges, right? The shame and the fear and the anxiety and the anger and the frustration, right? Those things do not feel good, and so I as a human, am worthy of living a life where I don't, I'm not getting stuck in those things.
I am worthy of living a life. Where I feel love, where I feel joy, where I know in every fiber of my being, how worthy I am, I am worthy of that. I am worthy of the remembering. I am the worthy of coming home to myself. And so that my loves is what I would like to invite you to do. And I'm here if you want help, but just notice today, is there a statement in my brain that says, I will be worthy?
When do you notice yourself chasing after something? And believing that if this doesn't work out, if this relationship, if this business venture, if this launch right, you can tell inside your body are you believing that something is on the line, something about who you are, something about your identity.
And if you are, I wanna invite you to realize that nothing is on the line here, that you are worthy just the way you are. All right. I love you friends. We'll talk soon. Bye-bye.
If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of it for me and share it on your favorite social media platform. And in the meantime, I just wanna invite you to remember that you are beautiful, that you are worthy, that you belong, and that you are powerful beyond measure. See you next time.