The Identity Factor Podcast

The World Needs All of You With Sarah Bond

July 16, 2023 Robin Keesler
The World Needs All of You With Sarah Bond
The Identity Factor Podcast
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The Identity Factor Podcast
The World Needs All of You With Sarah Bond
Jul 16, 2023
Robin Keesler

When you can learn to stop denying the parts of you that you think are unacceptable;

When you can learn to stop believing the social conditioning of the world around you;

When you can learn to start embracing the courage to love ALL of you;

Your divine purpose in this world can finally begin to unfold in perfect harmony with every step on the path that has brought you to where you are right now.

In this episode, certified life coach and forgiveness expert Sarah Bond shares her experience with honoring and acknowledging her shadow parts and talks about what it means to be "beautifully human" and "uniquely you."

She reminds us that "The world needs ALL of you," not just the pretty, shiny or socially acceptable parts, and she exquisitely points out that your most divine and powerful purpose in this world is often tied to those shadow sides of our life experiences that often feel hard.

You can find more of Sarah on her YouTube Channel or on her FB page and at her website: http://thechristianforgivenesscoach.com/

If you enjoyed this episode, please do the world a favor and share with someone that you think might enjoy it. There has never been a message of love and enoughness that over-shared in a world like ours.

Register for the live event summit @ shadowsideleadershipsummit.com and we will see you inside for all the live event presentations and support classes coming your way. 

Talk soon, 

Robin 

Show Notes Transcript

When you can learn to stop denying the parts of you that you think are unacceptable;

When you can learn to stop believing the social conditioning of the world around you;

When you can learn to start embracing the courage to love ALL of you;

Your divine purpose in this world can finally begin to unfold in perfect harmony with every step on the path that has brought you to where you are right now.

In this episode, certified life coach and forgiveness expert Sarah Bond shares her experience with honoring and acknowledging her shadow parts and talks about what it means to be "beautifully human" and "uniquely you."

She reminds us that "The world needs ALL of you," not just the pretty, shiny or socially acceptable parts, and she exquisitely points out that your most divine and powerful purpose in this world is often tied to those shadow sides of our life experiences that often feel hard.

You can find more of Sarah on her YouTube Channel or on her FB page and at her website: http://thechristianforgivenesscoach.com/

If you enjoyed this episode, please do the world a favor and share with someone that you think might enjoy it. There has never been a message of love and enoughness that over-shared in a world like ours.

Register for the live event summit @ shadowsideleadershipsummit.com and we will see you inside for all the live event presentations and support classes coming your way. 

Talk soon, 

Robin 

 Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Identity Factor Podcast. My name is Robin Keesler and I will be your host. Let's go. 

Welcome in everyone. Yes, I am so excited for today. We are continuing today with our Shadow Side Leadership Series. And talking about leadership and identity, talking about mental and emotional health, and all the ways that these things are integrated together to make for the most fulfilling successful life.

And Sarah Bond is a Christian forgiveness coach. She's our special guest today. She, her mission is to help people find peace, freedom, and acceptance. Through the art of forgiveness, which I love. She teaches her clients what forgiveness really is and how to overcome the things that get in the way of that.

And so we are gonna dive into this conversation around the shadow side as it pertains to leadership and identity. And Sarah, if you'd like to introduce yourself at all more, please go ahead and then we'll dive in. Hi Robin. Now. I think you did a beautiful job. I'm Sarah, and yes, I'm a coach and I specialize in just that.

I am just in awe of forgiveness and what it means and what it's done in my life, and it's just given me so much, just peace and joy and freedom and it's, yeah, like you said, my mission to just share that with the world. I love that. Yeah. Well, on that note, Sarah, mm-hmm. I'm gonna invite you to tell us a little bit about your journey to discovering your identity.

As a leader in your field? Hmm. You know, it's funny, I've always been, for as long as I can remember, I've always been the kind of person that when I find something that I like or that works for me, I'm like, oh, you gotta try this thing. Or, oh, you gotta go watch this, or, and um, so I think it just, that just kind of comes naturally to me.

So when I, like I said, when I found this work and really dived into it, I couldn't help but share. So forgiveness is, Kinda my jam. Um, I've really experienced over the last 10 or so years the power of forgiveness as like a deliberate practice. Um, so I think even before, even before I found life coaching or became a coach, I feel like I've typically always been a very forgiving person in the kind of general sense of the term.

I've typically always just kind of seen people, you know, just as people that do human things, they act out. Um, I've never really taken things super personally or made someone's choices like mean something about me. I always kind of knew it was about them and whatever struggles they were having. However, when.

I went through what for me was a really challenging and painful relationship and marriage. I learned that while, yes, I was this very forgiving person, you know, I lacked a lot of boundaries. I lacked a lot of understanding around my. Trauma, my triggers, my shadow side. Um, and that experience led me to find the, the coaching, but also that deep dive into this deliberate forgiveness work with a mentor.

You know, really diving into what it means and why we might wanna make it, or why I might wanna make it a daily practice, a daily lifestyle. And that's what I do now. I love it. Mm-hmm. What were, um, You may have just touched on this, I know you did just touch on this a little bit. Mm-hmm. I'm just curious if there's anything else in addition to that that comes up for you when you think about the, the most important or those defining moments potentially within that, you know, relationship experience even, um, oh, for sure.

That brought you to, to this point today. Were there any like moments that you felt really defined you in, you know, in this work? Well, def yeah. Again, definitely the, The romantic relationship side, you know, I was married once and then divorced, married again, separated, reconciled, separated again, and now headed for my second divorce.

So, you know, I, I, I would think things like, I'm this intelligent, capable, strong woman. What is happening? What's happening right now? Why am I struggling so much in these close intimate relationships in particular, you know, why am I choosing these partners? The quote unquote failure Yeah, if you will, of those marriages, really led me to question everything.

Hmm? Everything I thought about love, you know, everything I had thought about my childhood, and it led me to reflect and, and just gain different perspectives. So the process. Of healing from the pain of those experiences and learning to look at things in a new way has created a tremendous amount of awareness for me, for who I am, the way I am, the way I do things, and, you know, kind of pushed me to evaluate the way I treat myself, which was certainly a reflection.

Of the way I was treating other people, and I just learned to question everything and find my own answers. And that process has been so freeing. Um, you know, just me being who I am, I can't help again just to tell everybody about it. Yeah. Yeah. And when you talked about the, this being like a daily practice and how, how much emphasis you really put on the, this being an intentional daily practice.

Yes. Is that something as well that you experienced, like for yourself, either as a necessity or as a benefit, or what was it that that made, created that shift for you where you, where you're like, I wanna become very intentional about this and have this be a daily Yeah. Well, when I noticed, because when I, when I wasn't making it a daily practice, I noticed that, I would just forget about it.

It would just become an afterthought, if you will. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgive you. But it wa you know, it was just kind of, it didn't have a whole lot of meaning behind it. And what, and I, and what I noticed is when I did do the daily practice, it was much, I was just much more conscious of it. So it's kind of like, if you wanna get good at something, you wanna practice it.

Every day, right? If you wanna get good at playing the violin or you know, whatever it is, you practice it every day. And I wanted to get so good at it that, and I'm still working on it, but I wanna be so good at forgiveness that I can do it instantly. And I'm at a point right now where I, I can do it usually in the same day.

Yeah. You know, versus taking years or months or weeks or whatever. I'm at the point, I've practiced it so much, I can do it in the same day, but my goal is to have just so much consciousness and awareness around it that it's almost instantaneous. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Can I just ask you quickly too, Sarah, why, why has that mattered for your, not only for your mental health, but also for your ability to show up as a leader in your business and for the people you serve?

Yeah. Well, for my mental health, it's definitely helped me because for me personally, I am someone who naturally just wants to ruminate. I want to think about, you know, I want to blame. I want to, you know, do all those things. And so for my own mental health, the quicker I can get to that, That freedom of forgiveness where I can, uh, you know, look at things from a different perspective and, you know, not, not make it mean something about me, that's the quicker I can get there.

That's just what helps my own brain and my own mental health and my own nervous system to, to be able to cultivate that practice. Yeah. And then, and then what was the question about, um, as far as a leader, Yeah. Like, yeah, you answered that. Yeah. So how, how, it's helpful, like obviously how it's served you in your own mental health.

Mm-hmm. And then are there places where you've noticed as well that as you, as you do that work and free up that resistance and allow yourself to kind of step into that, to that space, have you noticed a benefit to your, to your business, the way you're able to show up as a leader, as an entrepreneur, you know, for your clients?

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think it's just about being, just kind of setting that example. Right. If I can show up and I, and I love to think of, you know, the ripple effect, if I can show up that way, if I can set that example and, and give them a picture of the possibility of that, then then it's just gonna have that ripple effect, not just to them, but also the people around them.

That's just kind of the way that I look at it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. A hundred percent. That's awesome. Yeah. Okay, Sarah. Let's dive in now to this idea. We've kind of talked about leadership a little bit and some of the mental health, um, Challenges that you've gone through and, and, and the benefit of that and how it's affected your business, which I love.

Um, but if you're open to it, I would like to dive in a little bit to this idea of the shadow side mm-hmm. And how we experience that. Right. We, we talk a lot. About the 50 50 of life. You know, we we're both life coach school coaches, and so at the life coach school, that's one of the concepts we teach and talk about a lot is the 50 50.

Right. The day and the night. The joy and the pain. Yeah. The ugly and the beautiful. Right. That's all a part of us. And so, but so often we try to, Hide the shadow. Mm-hmm. Right. The parts of us that we don't like. That's what the shadow is, right? The shadow side is the, the parts of us that we would rather deny or hide away that we don't want the world to see.

Um, and, and so I wanna dive into what those things are for us and why they matter, right? Yeah. And so for you, my question is, what do you think has been your most? Inconvenient or persistent shadow part. I just have to pick one. You can however many or what, you know. You can, you can. All right. You can have three.

Three. Okay. I have three. Yeah. Well, first just thank you for bringing this, um, to the table and I will admit that I was nervous and kind of scared to talk about it. And you know, I think also in the. In the, you know, in Christianity too. It, it's one of those things that, you know, everybody's trying to be good and everybody's trying to do the right thing.

And it's, so, I think it's so important to, to bring this into the light and to talk about this kind of stuff. So, okay. If I have to pick three, however many, um, yeah, the first, the first one that comes to mind would be, The opposite of self-confident. So it would be that, that really doubtful, insecure piece.

Um, I think most of the time I'm, I come off as pretty confident, but I actually do have that very insecure side that I deal with about, oh, what is the right thing to do? Is this what I should do? Um, which kind of brings out my controlling side. I don't like uncertainty, so I like to think I have to control me and everyone around me because I have this idea that I think I know what's best.

I know what's best for them. I know what's best for the situation. Um, and so that, that makes me think of, uh, pride. Pride is a big one for me. I really like to be right. I like to prove that I'm right. I don't like to be told I'm wrong. It feels deeply, deeply shameful for someone to point out to me that I'm wrong or I may be wrong.

So I don't like to be told what to do. Um, and then probably the last one would be like ambiguity. Like, sometimes there's, I just have this, there's a side of me that's fiercely independent and it, the ambiguity comes in where I'll just kind of be like, don't care, don't care. Don't need anyone, don't need you.

You don't, ma, you know what you have to say doesn't matter. So it's like the pride mixes in with the ambiguity and I just think I can handle everything myself. Yeah. I think there are so many people out there that are resonating with that right now. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, and that's a tough one to talk about because Ooh, such a tough one.

You know, especially in the church. Like in the church, yes. Like, ooh, pride is like very No, no. Yes. And I think this is where this ties into identity, right? Because it's like we have this, this way that we want to be seen in the world. And especially as we talk about leadership, right? Christianity, there's, there's a lot of levels of identity.

There are a lot of ways that we will identify ourselves or attach ourselves to things and, and I think that 100% Sarah, I think you're so right, where it's like, okay, like, so then in order for me to belong, In this group, in order for me to be okay, in order for me to be safe, in order for me to be accepted and loved, I have to be right.

I have to fit in the box, I have to, right? Yep. Be the good Christian. Yep. And what does that mean? And Right. And so like, and for me, like as a, as a queer person, like we could talk for a long time about the identity factor as a, yeah. To, you know, being too gay for the church. Mm-hmm. Being too Christian for the queer community.

There's nowhere that I fit in. And now let's just talk about all the other layers of humanity and the reasons why I just am not good enough. Yeah. And it's just so easy to do. And so instead what we try to do is we either try to fix ourselves or we try to hide. Yep. So either I have to fix this part of me that's difficult to admit.

Even though the entire world is struggling with the same thing or their own version of it. Mm-hmm. Or if I can't fix it, then I need to hide it and I need to pretend that I'm strong. Insecure and Sure. And right. Don't be needy, don't be this. It's like there are so many versions of that. So yeah. Thank you.

And you touch on, you touch on being, you know, feeling like you want to hide it. And I think that's part of why I was like, oh, this feels nervous and vulnerable to talk about this. Because it's true. I think, and I think everybody can relate to this. We all think I'm the only one that feels this way. Yes.

Yeah. And yet, when it comes to this idea of leadership, I think that's why it's so powerful because. For me, the leaders that I respect the most, the leaders that I want to follow are the leaders that give me permission to bring my ugly Yeah. The leaders that give me permission to, to show up as I am Right.

And to, and to believe somewhere deep inside that my darkness does not negate my light. Yeah. Right. That I am worthy and beautiful and that I have something to contribute in the world and that, that these parts of myself, The, the pride, the anger, the controlling, the shame, the depression, the anxiety, the neediness, right?

Like, how many relationships have we been in that are like, you're too needy, or the other way around. You're too avoidant, you're not nurturing enough. There's al, there's something wrong with you, right? No matter which side of the coin you're on. And so I think the leaders that are willing to stand up and share that story and normalize that and say that, you know what, it's okay.

We all have, again, the 50 50. Mm-hmm. The day and the night, the joy and the pain and the light in the dark. And so to begin, the first thing is to name the shadow, which you've done. Mm-hmm. And I, beautiful. And then the second thing, after we, after we're able to name the shadows and admit that they're there, that part of our humanity.

The second question that I have is, what do you think that this shadow is trying to protect you from or give you control over? Hmm. Well, like I said, the. For me, there's something deeply, deeply shameful about being wrong. So, which is again, is why I try to control everything and yeah, and I think I, and I've discovered, I think it ha you know, has a lot to do with how I was raised.

Of course. Um, I was raised single mom, but I was like the golden child. If anybody kind of knows what that means, it's like I could do no wrong. I was very much put on a pedestal. And so I've learned that I equate love with praise. Oh. So if you're not praising me, if you don't think I am like the cat's meow, so to speak, then you don't love me and then I'm being rejected or abandoned or something.

Yeah. So, um, so that definitely is what I think that is trying to protect me from is rejection is mm-hmm. An abandonment. Yeah, for sure. And then, you know, if I stop, if I, if I'm not being conf or if I stop being doubtful and I give up that control Right. And I, and I just fully step into, you know, my role, that would mean that, uh, that somebody might see all of me.

Right. And if I do that, then I'm definitely gonna get rejected. Yeah. Or I'm gonna get called out for something. Um, that again, will just immediately fill me with shame. And, and that's where my mind just goes, well, I'm in. Yeah. I'm not lovable. I'm not. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I think one of the things that I've noticed in doing this work that's just coming into my brain right now is even just like when I've had, you know, even these podcast interviews as I'm, you know, sharing bits and pieces of my story along the way.

And of course you are too. Um, This is, you know, this is a question that I, I just, just thought about just now that I, that I'm curious about is, Sarah, for the, for the leaders, the entrepreneurs, the people, right? Whether, whether you as a leader, you, you know, whether you're a parent, partner, friend, you know, pastor, you know, teacher, school, principal, it, that there's so many ways, you know, that, that leadership shows up and, and I think that there are a lot of people that, that.

Disconnect themselves from that definition because they think of a leader, you know, from this very, again, external praise and, and, and fame and notoriety and power, right? But I don't think that's the kind of leadership we're talking about, and I don't think it's the kind of leadership that matters. And so for the people that are listening to this, um, and, and when we think about, you know, naming our shadows, and especially talking about this publicly, it's like, what do you do with the, when that.

Uh, what's the word that I wanna call? Call it When? When the, the wash of shame comes after the vulnerability. Mm. Right? Like, Ooh, did I just talk about that publicly? Did I just say that? Like, how do you support yourself? And, and so that is my, how this might show up for you or I later, but even for people that might be experiencing that.

You know, in their work or, so this leader's like, okay, I'm gonna do this scary thing and I'm gonna do what Sarah did, and I'm gonna be vulnerable with my family. I'm gonna be vulnerable with my wife, I'm gonna be vulnerable with the other teachers at school. Yeah. Right. Like, can you just as a side note, give them anything to hold onto when that fear, that shame, that negative self-taught comes because it will.

Mm-hmm. So how do we have our own back and, and what do we do in that moment? Just as a side note, in that moment, I, what I have learned to do that has helped me the most is breathe. Like, it sounds so simple, but literally just kind of put my hand on my, my heart or my chest and like remind myself I'm okay.

That I am actually experiencing the shame. Yeah. And that's okay. What I used to do is just feel this awful feeling and then freak out and then make, and then go in my head and, and think about I. All the reasons that I had just done something wrong. Now I can just recognize, oh, there's that feeling again.

Which is super interesting, right? Because all the reasons I've done something wrong, going right back to that shadow belief that if I do something wrong or if I'm, if I am wrong, then I won't be loved. So then just driving that wound deeper and deeper. Yes. Yeah. So a lot of just, again, not, not freaking out when I feel it, it's more of like, oh, there you are.

Yeah. Hi. It's almost like making friends with it. It sounds, sounds kind of funny, but it's almost like, oh, hi. There you are. Yeah, I see you and it's okay. And I just, I do, that's a, that's a big one that I just remind myself like, you're okay and it's gonna be okay. All okay. And I love, yeah, I love what you said there.

And one of the things that I do, just for the listeners as well, just to build on that same thing, is I just, I really do think of it and, and relate to it as this, as this person. This, this protector or this, because that's what it is. It's a protective per, it's a protective personality, if you will. It's a protective mechanism, right?

It's something that got created. Truly and onboarded and brought on part of the team in order to protect you from something. And so it's just doing its job. Yeah. Right. And so just noticing that there's just, there's just a part of you inside of there that, that just might need some love. Mm-hmm. And that that's an opportunity and indication for you to be able to come home to yourself, to be able to love yourself deeper, stronger.

Right there that. That it can be hard, and of course you can get support right. And have someone to talk to that can really help you to do that. But my, my thought that I would tag onto that for everyone is just to know that there, there truly is and can be a beautiful opportunity for you there if you want it.

Yeah. To, to deepen your relationship with yourself, to deepen the love and the care, and the nurturing and even the confidence that you end up having. Yeah. On the other side of it, right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I ha I always have this fun image in my mind when it comes to any of my, like, emotions. I imagine them coming to the door of my home or something and, and knocking and, and I always wanna open the door and let them in.

They're always welcome. Versus, you know, in the past I'd be like, you know, adding not that one adding deadbolts to the closing the curtains. No. But now it's like, you're welcome. Come in and, and I, and they always have a seat at the table. So to speak, like you've always got a seat at the table, and I may not always let you have the microphone and run the meeting.

Yes. But you're, I love you. I'm so glad you're here. Here's a warm cup of tea and a blanket. Yeah. You know, and I'm just glad you're here. Here. Do you wanna tell me something? Okay. Thank you for, for letting me know. Yeah. And that's how I've sort of like to think of it. It's like, you're welcome. I'm not gonna just block you out anymore.

Yeah. I adore that. Isn't that fun? Yeah. That is such a perfect analogy and such a beautiful way to relate to these parts of ourselves, right? Like that feels to me that feels accessible.

Hey, if you're enjoying this episode, I wanna invite you to come join us on May 19th through the 21st for the Shadow Side Leadership Summit. It's gonna be an entire weekend where we're gonna dive into these conversations around identity and leadership, around mental and emotional health, around how to support ourselves so that we can truly lead others in a more impactful way, that we also get to experience connection, and joy along the journey.

Shadow side Leadership summit.com. Go sign up and we'll see you inside. Can you name what your light sides are? I think I can, I think my light sides are, um, I have a lot of compassion. Mm-hmm. I have a lot of grace. Um, I'm not really sure where this kind of view comes from, but I feel like I, I just see.

People, I separate people out from the things they say and do. It's like I feel like I can recognize their human side from like their just pure, perfect, beautiful soul. Yeah. And that he, that's again what helps me not take things personally, still love them no matter what they've done or said, um, and call it forgiveness, but I think it's a little deeper than that for me.

When I'm fully in that like loving and compassionate and graceful light side, I actually don't even see anything to forgive because I don't think anything's gone wrong. Yeah. Because I see humans doing human things. Yeah. And, and they're just, it, what it means to me is they're, most of the time it's just they're doing these human things in an effort to get back to that light.

Hmm. Um, and we have to fall. We have to be in the darkness to get to the light many, many times over and over. And I, and I've, I've come to embrace that it's. It's not about not ever being in the darkness. It's about the lessons that we learn from that journey and from that cycle that, and then from those lessons, we then know how to get back to the light when we're back in the darkness.

That's what matters. It's never about the quote unquote mistake. It's about the lesson and then what we choose to do. Yeah. And how that, how that thing is really growing you and contributing. Mm-hmm. Right. So I think, I think that's the thing is we often forget that the, the quote unquote, like you said, the mistakes or the quote unquote failures or the things that are hard or that we're ashamed of, or whatever it is, it's like all of those things have, you know, either, like you said, like a lesson or even just, maybe another way to think about it is just a contribution.

Right. Like there's some way that that thing is growing you. Yeah. You know, and, and for, for many people it's like I, the, these, these parts of themselves, I talk to people all the time that are like, that's the part of me that that allowed me to be so successful. That helped me to get where I am. That's, you know, like you said, it, that created safety that helped me to survive.

Like that it has had a function for you and an important one. Doesn't mean that you have to stay there forever, but that's like you said with these, as we get good at this and, and learn this process and learn these tools, the, the beauty of it is that we don't have to stay in that darkness. Yeah. But we don't have to freak out that we're there either.

Right. We can just allow it all to be a part of that process. Mm-hmm. And, and to realize that it all has value. Yeah, really love it. Yeah. Okay, so when you are, you know, maybe feeling out of touch or a little out of control with these. With these light sides of yourself, you know, like just like we talked about.

So we're talking about going from the darkness into the light and learning how to have some agency and some control. So we're not just on autopilot. Mm-hmm. Life's not just happening to us. Right. We actually get to decide. Yeah. You know, our journey and have some control over that. So when we look at that journey, what are some of the ways that you have found to begin to, to begin reconnecting or reestablishing.

Like that sense of oneness or that, that, that connection with those highest parts of yourself when you need it? Yeah, I think, I think, we'll, you know, we probably kind of touched on this a little bit, but it just reminds me of just the beauty of being a human, but I'm just having a human moment and that the light is always available.

But like you said, it's not a problem. You know, that like if we're in the dark, that part, that's part of being human and that's okay. I'm supposed to be experiencing whatever it is that I'm experiencing, not just to get back to the light, but to learn something from it, right? Mm-hmm. Like that's, I find a lot of peace in that, not just in forgiveness, but in that acceptance of those dark times.

And I, I remember not to fight it and that. That's kind of what that light side does for me is it reminds me not to fight it just to allow it, it reminds me that I'm here to learn, I'm here to grow, that I can handle, um, but there's nothing I can't figure out. Yeah. It's funny, my, um, my, my aunt, she calls me the fixer anytime.

Like she can't figure something out. Whether it's, you know, a broken refrigerator or maybe an argument with a family member or something, she asks me because she knows that I will always figure it out. I don't know how to fix refrigerators, but I'm gonna figure out and I'm gonna keep going until I do. I just don't give up.

Yeah, yeah. So is what you're saying then, so like when you're, when you find yourself in the darkness, wanting to kind of reconnect with those, Those higher parts or those light parts when you're tired, when you're done being there, what I hear you saying and tell me if this feels right for you, is that you just don't resist it.

Yeah. It's like me. It's like just being right there with myself where I'm at. Ooh. Yeah. So I'm, right now, I'm having this vision of, you know, I'm, There's a version of me standing up in the light at the top of the mountain and then there's me down here. Kind of still lost in the woods. Yeah. But I go down and I meet myself there.

I don't stay up here being like, Hey, come on. I'm like, no, I'm gonna come get you. Oh. And then lead you and we're gonna go together. Yeah, absolutely. So that just, yeah. That's a beautiful, I thought I love that. No, I appreciate that. Really helps cuz then so it is, it's like this. It's, it's like this, this energy that I'm feeling is like an energy of like, again, like you said, just being mm-hmm.

And allowing yourself to be where you are. It sounds like an energy of like recognition and just like being present. Yeah. And like, because I think that's a beautiful point, because when you're willing to really connect with yourself where you are mm-hmm. You're not only gonna be connecting with yourself where you are in the darkness you are.

Automatically, unavoidably going to be connecting with yourself as a whole. Yeah. Which is going to include the light. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love it. That's beautiful. Mm-hmm. What advice would you give Sarah to anyone who's listening that is secretly hiding a part of themselves that they feel ashamed of or afraid of, or that they don't know what to do with?

Hmm. I think I would just, remi I would remind them that, you know, without, without the shadow parts of us, like we wouldn't have the light. They've gotta coexist together. We wouldn't know one without the other. Right. And you've, and just learning to acknowledge both. Embrace both. Love both equally. It's the part of you that makes you so beautifully human and so uniquely you.

And that's what the world needs. The world needs all of you, not just this one part of you. Yeah. Needs all of you. I heard a, I heard an interesting quote the other day, um, that kind of resonated with me around this topic and it said, The extent to which we deny ourselves is the extent to which we deny our purpose of being here.

So that kind of makes me think of that. It's like, where are we denying ourselves and what is, how is that taking away from our purpose of being here? And so how could we open up more and stop denying yeah, any, any part of ourselves so that we can step into that purpose. Yeah, a hundred percent. Like, it just makes me think about, like, even right now with you, it's like y you know, your willingness to share these parts of you that were hard to share.

Mm-hmm. And it's like that, you know, it's like I can feel it, like I'd rather just shove it and keep it in the closet. But it's like, but just noticing that again, that's a beautiful, I think it's a beautiful example of that willingness to, to open up and to share that and to bring it into the light, like, Had you not been willing to do that, you would in a sense be denying your purpose of being here because your purpose, again, right now in this moment, just specifically as we talk about, you know, your business and what, what you help your clients do around forgiveness.

It's like so much of forgiveness, I think is about permission. Yeah. Right. And it's like mm-hmm. And it's like mm-hmm. Permission to be who you are. Yeah. Right? And, and so you're, when you give yourself that permission, you are. You're doing it for other people too, right? Yeah. Like you said, you're modeling that and, and you're giving them permission as well, and so the very act of doing that is, like you said, is really allowing you to step into that and to live out that purpose in, in such a bigger, more beautiful way, I believe.

Yes. Love it. Mm-hmm. Doesn't mean that people have to do it. I always, I like to say that, right? Mm-hmm. Like it's, you don't have to, it doesn't make you a better person. No. If you do, right. It's not like you're more, you know, evolved or whatever. I mean it or you know, but it's like it doesn't make you a better person.

It's not wrong. You know, there are some people who aren't ready to do that or to go there, and I just think it's important to say that that's okay too. Yeah. Agreed. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And if all you do right, is even just kind of in front of the bathroom mirror Yeah. Start to explore that, you know, if, if it feels safe, like yeah.

There's no, doesn't mean you have to all of a sudden go out into the world and, you know, get on a big stage and no, we're not all meant, we're not all meant to do the same thing. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So, so important, right? Mm-hmm. That you're, for anyone who's listening, like yeah. That you're, you're perfect exactly where you are.

This is all part of your journey, and this conversation is truly just meant to be an offering, an invitation, a consideration, just to know that it's an option, right? I think I spent a lot of my life not realizing that there was an option. To feel better, to forgive, to forgive myself, to forgive other people.

I didn't realize that it was an option for me to reinvent myself as a person that had an entirely different emotional capacity, a different emotional experience. Like I just didn't realize it. Mm-hmm. So I think that's the importance of this conversation, is just to say that you're beautiful exactly the way you are.

Yeah. And. Whatever you decide is okay. But just to know that there is this other path here and there is this option, and it really is a beautiful path and a beautiful journey. Mm-hmm. Albeit hard at moments, right? Yep. Yeah. So my last question for you, Sarah, is speaking of the journey and the hard parts and the path, what was your ma moment of greatest joy along that journey?

Hmm. You know, you know when you're in the thick of something and you're just working so hard to figure it out, and you're just in the mud and you're just struggling to get through it and struggling to even just breathe. You know that moment when you just realize that everything's gonna be okay. But there usually comes that moment.

Sometimes it takes a while, sometimes it happens quicker, sooner rather than later. But there's usually that moment when you're like, this is gonna be okay, this is gonna work out. And it feels like the weight of the world just kind of lifts off your chest. I think one thing that I've learned to do is really not just savor that moment.

But celebrate and cultivate that moment more and more in my life, and that that is what joy feels like to me. Mm-hmm. So it's even, so what joy means is even in the midst of everything that life is given us, thrown at us that we're going through. I can be in a whole bunch of pain, but still feel that joy.

If that makes sense. Yes. I would say, yeah, that that's the, the, the big, I know it's not just like one moment, but that's a moment that I can specifically pinpoint and think of in all of my trials and tribulations. Like I have that moment where I'm just like, it's gonna be okay. Yeah. And then you can just breathe again even, and then just allow the, it's kind of like clean pain, dirty pain.

You can just allow yourself to be in whatever you're in, if it's sad, if it's heartbreaking, but you're not adding like that extra weight of. Sorrow on top of it, thinking that just like the world is ending. Yeah. Right. You're just being with it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that. It reminds me of that, like, um, you know, listening to Stacy Beman, um, in her two K for two K program, one of the modules that she teaches in there, she talks about the moment that she was like, you know, life coaching and she's like, you know, I wasn't.

Rainbows and daisies on, on a tall mountain somewhere. You know, just celebrating, enjoy. But she's like, I was actually going through a breakup and she's like, I was heartbroken, but she's like, I was able to sell life coaching in that moment because she's like, because what I, what I realized was that I could, I knew how to support someone in that and that's what so many people are wanting.

But that specifically, this part she was sharing was, she was like, I remember being in my car and she just said, I was just, Had a moment where I was so acutely aware of how broken my heart felt like I was just in so much pain. And she's like, and that was the moment it dawned on me where I felt alive.

Amazing. Right. She's like, I felt, because exactly what you're saying. She, she wasn't adding the dirty pain on it. She just, she's like, I just allowed myself to feel what was real, what was true, what was raw, what was authentic. That real, raw, authentic truth of mm-hmm. Pain and heartbreak. It when you can say yes with all your heart, when you can scream.

Yes. Yeah. Right. It's like, and just going out into the rain and just letting the rain fall. And just mm-hmm. Like dancing in the rain, right? Mm-hmm. To be like, mm-hmm. Yes. I want all of life. Yeah. And that gives me goosebumps. It gives me goosebumps when you say that, because that is what it means to be alive.

Yes. That's what it means to be alive. And so in those moments where we feel, even like for me right now, right? We were talking about before this call, like going through the project like that speaks to me. That's something that I'm like, Ooh, that's my work today. That's my work right now. Mm-hmm. Right. As I'm going through all of this and I'm like, oh, I'm trying to, in coordinating everything and doing all this stuff, it's like, What if it's all okay?

What if nothing has gone wrong? What if this moment, right? I'm a little tired today. Yeah. I'm a little like, okay, that first week was amazing. Now we're, we're going through the thick of it, right? Yeah. And this is like, it's crunch time. We've got 10 days to put, you know, and it's like as I'm in that moment of building this thing, there is inevitably that day, that point where it's like, it's not all rainbows and daisies and I wouldn't want it to be.

Necessarily. Yeah. Right. Like sometimes before we got off the call, I did say I wanted it to be, I was like, actually I kinda want it to be, but just noticing that, right? Like what if. Mm-hmm. And what if like in this moment I still kind of want it to be, and I can be honest about that. Mm-hmm. But what if I can at least let go of the resistance and just say, it doesn't have to be Yeah.

I am willing to let this be a part of it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And just be present with what it means to be alive. Mm-hmm. As an entrepreneur, as a leader, as a parent, partner, friend, as a human. Mm-hmm. Right. Yes. I love that invitation. Sarah, how can people find you? People can find me on um, ins. I'm on Instagram at Cbon Coaching, and I also have a website, the Christian forgiveness coach.com and YouTube channel by the same name.

Beautiful. Oh, oh and podcast. Super fun. Name of my podcast. It's called Forgive Everyone for Everything Every Day right away. I love it. Can't miss it with that title. Don't miss it. No one else has it. No, that's that title. Sarah, it was so lovely to have you. Thank you for being here, and I can't wait to see you at the summit.

Can't wait. Thanks, Robin. Ah.

If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of it for me and share it on your favorite social media platform. And in the meantime, I just wanna invite you to remember that you are beautiful, that you are worthy, that you belong. See you next time.