Back to School: Starting Strong for All Students

From supplies to programs and home routines, explore the various methods to help students find success this school year. 

Music by DayFox from Pixabay - Salangseuleoun

Transcript

Cecilia  00:10

Hey everyone, this is the Cecilia Holguin from San Bernardino County Superintendent of Schools, Student Services, and you're listening to Parenting with Passion, the show that has real conversations about the challenges of parenting, while providing real solutions. Welcome to the first episode of parenting with passion. I'm joined today by Miss Diana Turner, principal of Dorothy Gibson High School in Ontario, California. Thank you so much for joining me, Diana. Can you tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?

Diana  00:41

Hi, yes, good morning. My name is Diana Turner. I'm currently a principal at Dorothy Gibson High School for San Bernardino County Superintendent of Schools. Prior to that I was a Program Specialist with Westend SELPA had great opportunities to support teachers support students and parents across our Westend SELPA giving trainings, facilitating IEPs. Things like that. Very rewarding work. Before that I was a county teacher for autism for five years K-2 setting and then before that about 19 years of being able to teach students that are from grade kinder to up to high school, and different settings, like County Office of Education classes, district classes, also non public schools, and students with unique needs from across the spectrum.

Cecilia  01:35

Wow. Well, we are so happy to have you here. Thank you so much for taking the time out to talk with us today.

Diana  01:41

Thanks for inviting me.

Cecilia  01:42

So today, we want to discuss the challenges that we see students face. Regarding starting back to school. I know with my kids, it's always brought anxiety for them. And it's really added some behavioral changes, I noticed, you know, especially towards the end of summer and into the first month of school. So Diana, in your experience, what are some behavioral changes that a parent may see from their child that indicates that maybe their student is having some stress about returning back to school?

Diana  02:13

Wow, that's a really important heavy question. There's so many elements to that could unravel, honestly, first comes to mind. And I'm also a mother of four. Humbly I say that. So it's a journey that's different for each one. Yeah, that I do. See, I've learned that systems are really important. So our students as they're starting to manifest a little bit of anxiety or feeling worried about going back to school, we want to make sure we have great systems in place for our kids. And, you know, each student is so unique, and again, with varying needs. So I been blessed enough to be able to teach children that are nonverbal, children that are verbal, some that might struggle with articulating or sharing how they're feeling. So across those different settings, I would say things that parents really want to look for are changes in behavior, maybe increase in aggression, and or also withdrawals. Sometimes our students express them selves by withdrawing, when they start to feel anxious or nervous. A lot of times, there's some self injurious behavior, unfortunately, maybe biting on themselves, chewing things. Also thinking about even acting out towards siblings is another way that our students might express a little bit of worry or fear or anxiety about what's coming. They don't know what's coming.

Cecilia  03:45

Right? Right, especially our young ones,  you know, a new school year is always different, a little bit more responsibilities, new teacher, so just as they get used to their system and their routine, they know that they're about to be put into a new routine, I that's so difficult for them. I know it's hard for us parents to to really understand what the kids are feeling. You know, just going through all the motions and emotions that our kids process. It's really interesting to see. And I'm glad that you brought that up about, they're not always so verbal with the anxiety that they may feel, especially students who maybe are nonverbal. So if we have a student that is more on the spectrum, that's is that the time that you'll see more self harming, or how would you know that a student who's nonverbal, has that type of anxiety?

Diana  04:40

That's a good question. Again, I would say it's unique to each student. So you know, I love the name of this podcast, actually parenting with passion because it's really just a strong emotion to raise up a child. So going in with that fervor knowing you know what you'd have to do what you have to do. So looking at that as a parent that's coming into this new situation and New Year, what is my student feeling? They know the baseline of their students, so they know what their child normally does. So if there's a change of behavior, depending on again, each student sometimes, I've seen some of my little guys crying inconsolably. And that was the way they were expressing dreading change, or a little bit of fear, towards change, again, aggression, increasing. So just escalating aggression towards peers, towards their siblings, towards their parents. So not having those words to share that they're really feeling nervous, a lot of tummy aches, sometimes some nausea, diarrhea possibly happening. So just really the body manifesting the that feeling of being anxious and fearful.

Cecilia  05:48

Wow, that's a lot to look for, for a parent. 

Diana  05:50

Yeah, really, it is.

Cecilia  05:52

I know, with my teenagers, I try to create over the summer some sort of structure. And it's difficult I felt like parenting over the summer, it will anytime really, but parenting, a young child versus parenting a teen, it has changed so much, and you have to adapt to their needs. So that's been a challenge of mine as a parent. So during the summer, I find that I'm trying to really put in place a lot more structure for my kids. And I find that with my teenagers that helps. But what are some other tools that parents can use to support their child during this time of anxiety and transitioning back to school?

Diana  06:31

I think I love what you said about, you're trying to do something different. Because what I found as a teacher, administrator and a parent, is that your system is as good as its created. So if you're creating a summer system to help your child transition into the new school year, you really want to make sure you have important pieces in place. So you want to make sure based on where they're at meeting their needs, but also you being the parent and you being the parent and implementing, so things like designated areas, if you're going to create a schedule for your child, for let's say, even a little bit I used to do with my children, my older children have three adult children. And they complained to this day, but they had summer packets, and they had a little bit of academic time. And so we had that structure in place, because I wanted them to you learn to make summer a time of resources and also growing, they thought just couch potato for three months, I don't have to do anything. But just building that self regulation and determination in them, you have to force it because we're like this student's prefrontal lobe basically. So we're helping them make those long term decision. That's our role as parents. Yeah. So moving forward, I would say really want to make sure the home structure is in place. And considering our students needs and you know, the IEP is really important. So there are key supports and accommodations in the IEP, we can translate them into the home. So we see that there's a lot of breaks offered for our student, if we're going to implement a schedule at home, we can make sure those breaks are offered, if there are visuals that are in place for our child in the school setting, we definitely want to use that in the home environment. Because I mean, we can count on those accommodations because they're based on assessment. So experts have taken the time to use all these tests. So why not let's generalize that bring those supports into our home setting, and inform our home environment to help our child not feel so stressful at home, to feel comfortable, safe, but also learning to have that specific designated area, whether it's gonna be their work time, let's say there are some sensory needs. There could be flexible seating, flexible lighting, there could be some weighted pencils. So whatever our child's unique needs are, we want to bring that into the home setting to make learning at home also not only fun, but accessible, you know, parenting with passion, we're leaders, so we're going to find a path, but we want it to be an informed path. So we're going to, we can use the tools from the school, we can ask for help and say, Hey, like I want to set up the schedule this summer, teacher, service provider, whether it's the occupational therapists, psychologists, you know, my students struggled because my child has this behavior. You know, we want to access that support and we can ask for help some advice and implement and you know, if it's not working, then we can just go back to the drawing board. Try maybe lengthen the break, change the reward, but I feel like there's always a path parents with passion. That's very poignant, because we're saying we're not going to give up we're going to find a way. So in that summertime, really supporting our kids. Most importantly, I have to say because as you know, I helped facilitate and teach Parent Project which is a great parenting class and program. But literally the key denominator is love. Like every day, letting your child know that they're loved, make them feel love, like that's the key ingredient that cannot be missing from any system that that's put in place, I just really have to say that, you know, I was challenged when I took the course because as parents, we are so busy, that you would think the little five minutes is not a big deal. But it's like dragging to the room to say I love you, you know, to your teenager, it's a lot, but just really reiterating, I would want to say to all parents, make sure your child feels loved that one day, and they hear it. So however, it's through affirmation words, squeezing, whatever it is, I would just say, because sometimes I know for myself as a parent, I felt like a failure, like, Oh, I didn't do enough. But there's going to be those days. But if I could at least say I love you, and connect, I feel like at least I did something.

Cecilia  10:40

Yes, I couldn't agree more, I find new ways to say I love you and show that. I think that is such a powerful message, especially at all ages, really, at all ages, it doesn't stop when they get older. If anything, they need it even more totally, because they're so unsure of themselves, that one thing that's constant, and that they have to know that we're there for them and that we love them totally. And so every child I noticed also finds that love differently. They want to accept that love differently. For example, I'm a hugger. I love to just love on my babies. Yeah, but my 16 year old son, yeah, like, right. So I have to find the way that he wants to be expressed through you know, love. So for him, it's doing little things for him waking him up in the morning, in a very gentle way. He loves that, you know, cooking for him. That's something that he really, like, enjoys that I do for him. So there's different little things that I do to show that I love them. With my daughter, it's words, words of affirmation big for her. So I will write sticky notes and put it on her mirror of just a little messages. Like I love you. Yeah, you're awesome, you know, just positive messages. So during the summer, yeah, you're right, that does not stop that it has to be constant. And you're right. My kids also had that expectation of what, it's summer time, I don't have to do schoolwork, you know, I'm gonna just sit on the couch and watch TV. So it's interesting, you know, the structure includes physical activity. And for my house as well, it also includes some academics. In your opinion, what is enough time during the day? And how many days a week over the summer? Should we try to have our kids do some sort of academic supports?

Diana  12:27

I think that's a good question, I really want to say it would depend on the student and the goal of the academic time, right. So we're trying to shape behavior. And if our child still is struggling with attending and sitting, then that's where our child's at. And that's going to be our goal to get them ready to learn, for example, so then we're going to try and shape that behavior, we could have our timers, have our little rewards, have token boards, and you know, all of these tools really do translate across age groups, across unique disabilities, across settings. So I just don't think anyone is ever too old to use any type of support or tool. But again, let's say, for example, my daughter didn't do well in math. So then we're going to structure and frame the day, focus on math. So you didn't, you want to have high clear expectations. But you want to also want to be reasonable. You know, there's other ways of learning. So what does our child need, that our child struggle with social emotional interaction throughout the school year that maybe that could be our focus, and time or building those skills, right? Sometimes we get so stuck on academics, and we can only define success through you know, one avenue, one domain, but it's really we want our child to be well rounded, supportive, you know, the federal law IDE, a 2004, as schools were mandated to educate the whole child. So in that same vein in the home, what portion of our child's life needs a little bit more work, because we don't want to, you know, have them carry the weight on their world, and we need to fix them in a summer, right? So we just really want to focus on what was the area of need, really, to help our students grow, help our child grow, but through our system, hopefully, that we create in the home setting, they will build confidence, they will have access, and they will be successful. That would be the goal. So I think it would really depend on what the student needs. And also, I will say humbly, too, for us parents just to be flexible, because it's going to change. And not only changing our system, let's say because students do get satiated, they're bored with the same reward board with you might have to switch it up. So for parents, I would just say don't get discouraged. Try it again, try something different. But again, basing it on our child's needs, basing it on good systems. So we're implementing tools that we have found worked for our child that the school has helped inform us that work for our child, and also based on research So we're not just going to pull out some crazy therapy, hopefully there's some evidence based support there so that we're not wasting our time, our child's time,

Cecilia  15:08

I'd say communication with the teacher right before school is out is also very important. I know I've gone to my teachers and asked, you know, can I get some packets, something that you've already maybe done. And that way I can have a copy of something to help my child work at home over the summer just to keep their skills up and keep their mind working. But always remember parents asking support asking for help, is okay. Yeah, I think a lot of times we feel like, well, we don't want to bother the teacher, or we get busy too. That's another thing. You know, what, what do parents do when we have to work eight hours during the day, you know, and then our child is maybe with a caregiver, and you're trying to implement all the structure and routine, but it's so difficult when they're already out of their comfort, they're out of their routine, they're with a sitter, or grandma or whoever that may be, uh, you know, it's really just difficult for for parents to maintain employment and still try to be, you know, the best parent that we can be. So what kind of advice could you give a parent who maybe it's about trying to balance all of that as well?

Diana  16:16

Right? That's heavy, because I would say that almost all parents right, trying to do it all. For one, I just have to say, to be kind to yourself and forgiving. And to honestly control what you can control. So there's different variables, if your child goes to daycare, if your child is with a family member? Could what part of that environment can you control to help your child move forward become successful in whatever desired area? And I, again, I think we want all or nothing. And there's, you know, something and teaching called incidental teaching in the moment. So in the moment, what's the most that we can do and maximize that moment, and in that way, being compassionate to ourselves as parent because we know our motives are good. We know we love our child, and we're doing our best. So just to be forgiving of yourself. And also just seek to implement and control the variables that you can and whatever your situation is. But really just I mean, give yourself kudos for you're doing your very best.

Cecilia  17:19

Can you emphasize a little bit more on the importance of forgiveness as parents, I know, we're really hard on ourselves.

Diana  17:26

I think, you know, I really agree with you there. And, you know, sometimes people learn more when they hear people's story. So I'll share my story. I'll be very trans parent, and I'll unveil to one of my greatest struggles. And one of the most powerful moments for me as a parent having to forgive myself. I have a 27 year old son, his name is Wisdom. He graduated law school two years ago. He worked really hard. Unfortunately for me, after law school, he told me, he said, Mom, I have ADHD. And I said, No, you don't, you're just highly intelligent. And I remember him as a child running around, just all over the place. And so once the cell phone came out, it was like a saving grace for him. And in my mind, I thought, oh, so his thoughts could just have somewhere to go, because he just mind kept going. I really had no idea in my home setting what ADHD looked like. So for myself as a special education teacher for over 20 years supporting students with ADHD in my class setting, the fact that I missed it at home, and that my son had to struggle and suffer through law school pretty significantly felt, I think, just an emotional turmoil because he had to find ways to survive and cope Law School. The stress just really broke him down after Unfortunately, he's fine now, but just I thought I could have prevented him from that pain had I known had, I provided him strategies. And in doing my very best, giving him everything that I had access to, I missed the marks still. So for me to forgive myself, that was a big moment for me. And I had to accept that I did my very best. And then we had to move on from there, create new memories create a new story. So now it's kind of crazy, but I have to make legal analogies. So a lot of cases, the findings at the court have our three prongs. So I'll tell him beginning, middle and end wisdom, there's three prongs. So when you come in, you turn the light on in the kitchen, you use it, the third prong is turn it off. So we're trying to get that third prong down, even now at 27. And just him building up his confidence, accepting that he's going to navigate the world differently. And he always knew he was different, but he never articulated because I felt like in our environment, we didn't make it safe to be that and for myself, I had to mourn that loss for my son and now try and create a safe space for him and be accepting of him who he is now. 

Cecilia  20:02

Thank you for sharing that. That's very impactful. What would you say to a parent who maybe thinks that their child might have something like ADHD? How do they go about trying to figure out if they do, what support? Should they go ask for for the school? How do they wrangle that?

Diana  20:19

Yeah, I think that's it's never, you can never err on the safe side, it's a great, I'm sorry, you should err on the safe side, you can ask for an assessment. Because you know, it's really not the label, it's just creating opportunities and strategy. So your child has access, so that they can grow up, be an amazing adult and know what strategies they need. We're all different. We're all unique, different palette of learning, but just having the parent No, I think would be reaffirming for them. So they know what they can do moving forward how to advocate for their child in different settings. So that when they're an adult, they'll know they'll have those tools under their tool belt their child will, and knowing Oh, yeah, okay, I need to make sure I do this, to pay attention. Or I might have, you know, something that I'm holding in my hand to not get distracted. But again, ask for an assessment, ask for help. The doctor also, I think, is really huge, because under, you know, federal law for special education, it's identified as other health impaired. So that would be a medical issue. So definitely asking our doctor for that support. And to have our child be assessed.

Cecilia  21:25

Yeah, I really appreciate how you're saying kids react differently, depending upon what they what their personalities are, you know, I have a son and I have a daughter, my daughter is 20. And my son is 16. And I feel like I've had to parent them very differently. But they have different needs. So my daughter was much more dependent on my support and help. And it was hard for me to understand how to support and help her because our learned the way we learn is different, right? And I've noticed that she's a very visual learner. So I've had to adapt to her learning style, so I can help teach her. I think I mentioned earlier, she needs something in the background constantly. She has to have music on or the TV on. And in the beginning, I really did not understand that. I felt that that was a distraction, and that had to be removed. Now I see that that was supportive for her that was helpful for her. I think also identifying other support. So I mean, parents get anxiety, right before school starts as well. Right? We have so much to collect, and do we need school clothes, we need backpacks, school supplies, all of this stuff. So I urge parents, ask their schools ask their community support person at their school sites or liaisons, their teachers, wherever they get their information on community events, Two One One, Connect IE those are all great resources to find out where we can get supports, like free backpacks, school supplies, clothes, things like that, because it's really helpful for parents and helps relieve some of our stress that we have as well. 

Diana  23:09

I totally agree. 

Cecilia  23:10

I think sometimes we stress out and the kids really feel it.

Diana  23:14

They do. Right, right. Yeah. I like what you said about having to do things differently. So I think, why I No, for the state of California, they've adopted Universal Design for Learning, which is a really profound research based educational framework. And honestly, if we all operated from premises from that framework, which basically say that all children learn differently, period. Yes. And also it asserts that if we come from the lens, that the barriers to a child learning are in the environment and not in the student, then we're going to endlessly you know, with fervor, look for what do we have to do different in the environment to get our child access to that curriculum, to that meaningful moment of learning. And I think that's my passion. When I think about even my own, I have a 10th grader, she goes to a high school nearby. And so her journey of learning is so much different than my three older children because she went through COVID her anxiety is inherently high now, because she lives something different, almost like the bottom the floor of the ground. Just you never know when it's going to fall off. Because all of the knowns all of the things that were certainties no longer are so the world she saw was so fragmented and frail. So she has so many more fears than her older siblings. So in that vein, I would say for parents that you just accept that each one of your child learns differently. If the system you set up at home for one child is not working for the other than adapt and change it because you really want to give your child access. And if we put it on ourselves to say what can we do to get our child access again, saying that we're we're leaders, we're We're Pathfinders we're gonna find a way for our children. These are our children, and just making sure that we are doing our best again, in that forgiving sense for ourselves, but also just an endless pursuit of, there's a way, there's always a way I feel like there's always a way in solution. So I just encourage parents, try different things. And again, based on your student's need, if it's not identified, ask for that help ask for assessments. And then just keep going, keep trying different things so that you can meet your child's educational needs, social emotional needs. I think it's pretty poignant when you think about hierarchy of needs, because you shared about backpacks, parents, you know, worried about basic necessities. So if our students are worried about basic necessities, they're not going to get to the level of being safe and feeling ready to learn. So we just want to remove those obstacles as much as possible, not only as educators, you know, for children, but as parents we seek every day, what can we do different so a student or child can feel safe and be sitting in that seat, feeling good about themselves, ready to learn?

Cecilia  26:10

That's great! Thank you so much for sharing that I know that'll help a lot of parents at home. Well, that's it for today's episode of parenting with passion. Thanks for listening. And a special thank you to principal Diana Turner for joining me today. I really appreciate your time and insight to helping students find success and returning back to school. So join us next time for a very impactful discussion on the IEP process. We're diving deep in this and figuring out what is an IEP, how to make our systems work and better communicate with the school staff, really to support our students in the end. And remember to subscribe to the parenting with passion episodes on Spotify and I Heart Radio. Thanks again for listening and remember parents, you are doing amazing. You are amazing. And you are raising amazing humans. So take a breath. Enjoy the little moments, and we'll see you next time.