Suicide Prevention, A Mother's True Story

Felicia Limbrick is a principal from Victorville Unified School District. Felicia is also the 2021 state co administrator of the year and has more than 31 years of experience in education. But more than an educator, she's a parent, an advocate for suicide prevention, and a parent of a teenager who completed suicide. Felicia now bravely dedicates her time to supporting parents.

Music by DayFox from Pixabay - Salangseuleoun

Transcript

Cecilia  00:11

Hello, everyone, and welcome to our third episode of parenting with passion. I'm your host, Cecilia Holguin and today's topic is going to be much heavier than our usual. I really want to start today with a trigger warning. Because this episode will discuss youth suicide. We hope to provide a better understanding of youth suicide, and how families can help support our youth to help prevent self harm. And parents and families who are listening. Please remember your own self care during this difficult conversation. Although we are sharing important supports and resources, I want our listeners to really pace themselves. Pause this podcast if you need to take some deep breaths, really ground yourself and even call someone you trust to talk to before returning to the episode if you need to. We definitely want to practice good self care so we can continue to support our children best. Now, I'd like to introduce our special guest speaker today, principal Felicia Limbrick from Victorville Unified School District. Felicia is also the 2021 state co-administrator of the year and has more than 31 years of experience in education. But more than an educator, she's a parent, and advocate for suicide prevention, and a parent of a teenager who completed suicide. Felicia now bravely dedicates her time to supporting parents, and has developed an app and a website designed to provide users with the ability to get support quickly for someone they know is struggling with mental health concerns, and self harm thoughts or even attempts. So thank you so much, Felicia, for joining us today to discuss this important topic.

Felicia  01:59

Thank you for having me.

Cecilia  02:01

So I wanted to start us off with a little bit of statistics. You know, I think that's important for us to know before we start this conversation, according to the CDC, youth and young adults, ages 10 to 24 years old account for 15% of all suicides. And this rate has actually increased over 52% between the years of 2000 to 2021. And researchers have identified that 5568 youth died by suicide during the first 10 months of the pandemic in 2021. Suicide is now the leading cause of death among young people in the United States. According to the National Institute of Mental Health. This is a very serious matter. And I hope this conversation today really helps us as parents to open the conversation with our kids about their mental health. Now Felicia, before we dive into this topic further, I really wanted to give you the opportunity to share your story with our parents.

Felicia  03:04

My story, like you said starts with me being a mother and a parent survivor. Unfortunately, that is the title that I hold now. And it started with me just being able to recognize the signs in my teen early on. And so that's one of the messages. When I speak with people, I always let them know that recognizing the support that your teen needs is extremely important, because it does give them the avenue. Now, I in no way patting myself on the back. But I think that helped her delay her decision. When I first became aware she was in high school, ninth grade in high school. And I just noticed her becoming more withdrawn more quiet more just wanting to stay away from people. So of course with my years in education, and having to work with students in all capacity. One of the things that we're trained with, you know, for an administration is to identify risk factors. That was like one of the first things and initially I tried the parental approach of making sure they understood there was more than enough. The love was always there. Because I'll be honest, initially I was afraid to ask that question. And I could ask you to other people's children. Are you considering self harm? Have you ever thought about hurting yourself? But that was a hard one. So I expressed to all parents, though, it's a hard question you have to ask it because that kind of helped get the ball rolling of me getting her to therapy, which was a huge eye opener. Then I found out no, she's suffering from depression anxiety, later on it spiraled into bipolar. Which, as you start to educate yourself as parents, because most parents, you know, and I'm sure, if you were in my shoes, you start to Google, Google everything. We play our own doctors. That's right. So, you know, I started to pay attention to the signs, I made sure. I started asking those critical questions. And I remember with her first therapy session, they were just asking, you know, what, what were her triggers. So I started using that same lingo, if you will, just to make sure when I saw the depression getting, or the anxiety, because sometimes they would spiral together. And sometimes they would do like this. And just to make sure that I kept the lines of communication open. I will say that since I've done so much research on this, what I found is, she would have been placed in what we call a high functioning person was suicidal ideations. They learn how to tell their loved ones, what they want to hear. And they learn how to fake the funk. You know. And I think, you know, on the last days, as I replay it, that's what happened. Though I, she was just finished her first year at LSU. Sorry, of course. Getting ready to take her back. And there was that struggle of do I go back? Do I stay? But I can't stay? Because how do you leave the IE and go to LSU? And then come back home? I was like, well, plenty of college students do that. That's like, not unheard of. This is what happens a lot. I'm trying to make sure that that out was always there. So there wasn't this pressure of No, I gotta go because my mom's gonna think I'm a failure, because I know that would have been, you know, not something she could handle. So kept that door open. So that's one of the messages that I tried to tell people to just make sure you keep that door open. But what we noticed, my oldest daughter and I is her level of I guess, expressive love and attentiveness, Blossom, last summer. But being on Facebook, and you know, now and a couple of Survivor groups, a lot of parents say that they saw the same thing in their teen, or their loved one, because Facebook groups, you know, it's teens all the way up. They a lot of them will express that they will have they noticed that. There was like a lot of a lot of outpouring of love. So I don't know if that's a sign or not, I'm not a therapist, but just listening to other people's story it seems to be. And it was odd for her. But I thought, well, she isn't therapy, you know what I mean? She did, because she would tell me about some of her sessions, you know, not everything they discussed, but they removed her from the high risk group down to low risk. So I'm thinking, you know, maybe she she can tell you what strategy she was using to de escalate herself. So like I said, very high functioning. And to the point where telling me Mom, what I needed to hear. And then it was still nothing that I could have done differently. I'm comfortable with that. Or is that rigor back? Yes. But I know we had a really open relationship. There were times where she would tell me mom, you know what, I think I need to go to the hospital. So like I said that lines of communication is important because they're looking for support. They're looking for answers. They're looking for a place to kind of reset which is why I thought about The idea for my app which is in developmental stages, more of a panic button. What happens when I reach that point? You know, there were times last summer. She was at home and she begged, okay, Mom, we live in reality, oh, I work in Victorville, can I come up there and go to work with you, you know, sure. You have a car, like, you know how to get here. Like, of course, they have my location on their phone. I don't know how many parents and kids share locations, but we do. So, like I said, that support was there, the openness was there, the conversation was there. But that darkness, the darkness is real. And it is something that I wish I knew the way to get rid of it. But I know. There. I've been doing other research now on like, just what happens in the brain, that whole neural science behind that depression in that anxiety in though it I don't know if it helps or not, but it might help someone else, just kind of take it into another perspective of if you're scared to have the conversation, or you're scared, because my daughter was on drugs was on medication. Because it did help her moods. It helped to kind of balance them out. Though she didn't like it, I was able to force it upon her until she turned 18 Once you turn 18 And she went to college, I'm gonna be honest with parents, all bets are off, you know, right? You kind of instill that in them and hope and hope and hope but but along with the neural sciences of it, I listened to this one conversation. And when it was a doctor, and she was like, think of depression and anxiety, the same way we do cancer, or asthma, or a DD or ADHD, it is a chemical imbalance. It is real, it's not something that you can gloss over. And I know you know, just speaking, you know, in my daughter's world, and just reading, you know, some posts on Facebook, maybe one parent believes that depression and anxiety and Bipolar I was having a hard time digesting, although I could clearly see it. If you play it clearly see it. Be willing to accept that, and then figure out how to get the help and make sure that your child or your loved one is heard. Because it is it is something neurological. Yeah. And, you know, although I can point to you know, she was an honor student, obviously, in college, so college bound state seal by literacy, CTE Completer. So all the buzzwords for education, love what she did with kinesiology was very outgoing in things that she could control, anything that she can control. She managed. It's the stuff that was outside of her control that really kept her thinking and wondering, and I think over processing, and overthinking. You know, well traveled. So there was, in our case, we didn't have an issue of lack of access to anything her passport is, you know, full. So there was nothing, as far as that's concerned, that's missing. But now that I'm really digging into what's going on, and not that I wasn't before, but I know I didn't spend any time on Facebook in a survivor's group. You know, I didn't, I didn't need to, I would even tell parents to if your child isn't therapy, and they have ideations to join those groups, because a lot of times what people talk about are maybe some takeaways, and some wrap around or some different ways to think about stuff. Like I said, I would have never thought about the neurological side of depression, even though it makes total sense. It is what it is. That's why you're on the drug to balance your chemical imbalance. But it is it something that is real. And I'll add one more statistics and then I'll let you get into the question is, I was reading that one. Death for every 11 minutes is committed by suicide. That staggering

Cecilia  14:47

I never heard that. That's amazing. I had no idea.

Felicia  14:52

Yeah, so it's staggering in it's becoming it's just become the Now who we are, who we have to deal with, I never thought I would have to deal with it. I'm like, You know what? You know, I even threatened her last summer. I was like, Nope, you're going back to therapy? Or you're not going back to LSU. You know, you'll stay here. We'll email Cal State San Bernardino, you're already taking a class at Chaffey. Heck, you can just stay at Chaffey. I don't care, you know, or Nope. School, you don't want to go to school, take take time off. Like, it doesn't matter. But yeah, I encourage all parents take it seriously. Listen to your child do not think they're being dramatic. Once they tell you they have ideations I can tell you this, honestly, once they tell you they have ideations they thought about it a long time. That wasn't their first time having that thought, when they finally admitted, it's already there. So now you have to do the work to try to undo that. And that's the hard part. The older they get the access they have to social media on their own, these crazy TV shows that romanticize it. So it's a lot. It's a heavy topic. But whatever I can offer to other parents. Other just loved ones, you know? Yeah, I want to try to do my part. Because it's not an easy seat to sit in.

Cecilia  16:21

What can I just say, you are so incredibly brave, to share your story. And I'm, I'm honored, that you're sharing your story with with us in our platform here to bring awareness to our parent listeners. So thank you so much for doing that. You're welcome. I want to dive into some of these questions that I've heard parents asked me. And the first one that I hear probably most often is really what makes youth more prone to suicide.

Felicia  16:52

Wow, there are so many factors. It's, you know, I'm thinking about my daughter, just the students I've dealt with, I haven't been able to find just one or two facets, but a lot of it is that psychological depression or anxiety or they are bipolar, or they don't have that high level of self worth, or like the example I use on my daughter, she was a true over processor over analyzed every thing.

Cecilia  17:36

And I'm sure it doesn't help that, you know, our youth, really, they run on emotions,

Felicia  17:40

they run on emotions in that other one, they run on emotions in their access just to the different channels out there. And sometimes people are just unkind. And so they're I don't know that there is anything that makes them more prone. I can only answer that once you find out they are prone. That's really where that real work in that struggle. And I'll be honest, as a parent that worry. I mean, I carried around a heavy burden. It was crazy heavy. Like, you know, some people turn their phones off at night, or I could not, especially once you went away to school I could not. So it is that heavy burden, I will say whatever it is, your child is telling you believe them. But more importantly, what they're not telling you. As parents, you know, most of us, we pride ourselves on knowing our kids, especially their body language, you know, you can tell a kid is sick, you can look into the whites of their eye, you know what I mean? We know different stuff. Belief, your gut when you feel it and get the courage to ask the question. It's a hard question. Because you have to ask, I would say fear of rejection is one that you know, just became my position. I'm just listening to some of the students that I've had to refer on to the PET Team and things of that nature. A lot of it was just that fear of rejection that self doubt trying to live up to other people's standards. Overwhelmingly sadness. Yeah, those are some of the things that some of our youth they get stuck on that especially trying to live up to other standards. Especially with in our world of college and career. I'm not going to blame education. But I know some of our standards may be just ahead of the kids cognition, their cognitive level, and they feel some need to get there without having the tools to get there. Well that can cause anxiety and anxiety. Is his reveal. So whether there's something that makes them more prone, I don't know. But there are a lot of things that parents can look for. And again, just get the courage to ask question. Have you ever thought of hurting yourself? Have you ever tried to hurt yourself? And then you know, if the answers to that is yes, and you are not a therapist, my honest is to just call your physician, take them to the doctor yourself. Right? Just like drop everything, get in the car,

Cecilia  20:34

let's go. Exactly, yes, take it seriously, every

Felicia  20:38

time you take it seriously, do not play with it.

Cecilia  20:41

And what are some early signs or risk factors family should look for,

Felicia  20:44

I would honestly have to say isolation that shut down. If your teen is prone to running away, they're running away from something. If they are unwilling to talk about things, they tend to shut down and hold things in. And again, this is like a mix of professional and personal because after 30 years, I've seen some stuff, just crying all the time, or angry all the time. Without a reason, you know, it's time to ask those questions. If their grades are dropping. You know, that's always a telltale sign that there's something wrong if they're nervous, scared, preoccupied. Those triggers that if it were to happen to us, as an adult, we would know something is wrong with ourselves. Well, sometimes kids can express that, but their body language, their mood, their health, they have stomach aches all the time. You know, it starts happening. Yeah, so those are just some things to kind of keep in the back of your mind. If this is happening. It could be, you know, just for the moment, and it could be more serious. But as parents, it is our job to ask, right?

Cecilia  22:00

And how would a parent go about starting this type of heavy conversation with our youth?

Felicia  22:06

If you see the signs, I'm gonna say it's almost easier if you see the signs, because then you can just say, you know, bring, you know, I noticed you're crying more or you know, your grades are dropping, you know, there's something going on something I can help you with. And sometimes that'll open the door. If you don't see the signs, and you just want to have the conversation. Maybe just have the roundtable. So I listened to this podcast. And there was this lady talking about or the topic of conversation was teen suicide, have you ever thought about it? Do you know anybody that's thought about that thought about it, because that kind of opens up a very broad door. And then it just allows open conversation where you're not really putting anybody on the spot. And then it allows them to just say, you know, you know, find out what their child is thinking. It's always, you know, like I do in my office all the time when kids come in here and tell on each other. So someone told me, you know, as parents, you have to use those tactics, because kids do like to say, Oh, I'm no snitch, or, you know, I can't talk to my parents, or whatever the case may be. So make it a broad conversation. I just listened to this podcast. And this lady said, Yeah, that's a great example. Yeah, make it's keep it simple.

Cecilia  23:35

Right. And I know sometimes it's also helpful to for parents to really share what we do to help our mental health right, what do we do? What are some coping skills that mom or dad does? You know, when we're stressed out, that can maybe help them then integrate that into the conversation, I think, also very helpful and model that behavior as well.

Felicia  23:57

Yeah. And so that modeling, what you do to de stress is extremely important. And I know we made it a point and you know, COVID did some things, but it also did some, some positives came out of it. Because I was really dealing with the height of it, she was a junior and then her senior year was all COVID. So we were able to you know, see Mom stressed out at work on the computer all day have, you know, three or four different devices on by the end of the day, I would say well, this is me distressing. We're going to all we're all Marvel fans, you know, just happen that we had that connection. So we decided to watch Marvel and Marvel Universe order. And then you know, whatever cylinders you can come up with. We watched Family Feud through story, you know, that was just, you know, whoever can get the answer first. So it's just, but I would always say this is me just sitting here doing nothing. not reading any work, email, you know, stuff like that. So I was always letting her know all Hey, then I had a rule or over achieving academic student Saturday, before one o'clock, no homework could be done. Because I noticed if she started it early, it will kind of mess with the rest of the day, she would be unable to unhinge. So I said, No, nobody's doing no work before a certain time. And if you decide after this time to do it, you can decide, but at least you need to take some time off. Because you know, being in honors and AP classes, you got to spend some weekend time it is what it is. But I had to set up some parameters where when you first get up, no, you know, just to remember, we're still distressing, because I needed to let her know that it was okay to do nothing. Which is for some students, they they feel like they have to, like always, please, and I'm like, what pleases me right now? Is you relaxing, making slime with your knees? You know, that's nothing. So that's great advice. Finding those, you know, in some of this, I mean, literally, I was just making it up, like, because I, there was a need, there was a truly, and I just had to find different ways to in my mind, we always talk about removing barriers, so I was removing barriers for her. Even related to her stressors.

Cecilia  26:32

Yeah, and, you know, for parents listening, another good thing that to do is just all electronics can can stop, you know, for a moment, you know, two hours before you go to bed, at least. And definitely two hours, when you wake up in the morning, we should not be putting those the cell phones in our faces, the laptops, you know, we have to have that moment to really one wake up properly, right, starting our day positive, and then ending it without that stress as well. And for the kids, like you mentioned that social media, we really have to be on top of that this. It's something that parents have to pay special attention to. And it's difficult, it isn't easy.

Felicia  27:15

It is not easy. That was the hardest fight. During the COVID. It was easy, you know, to shut it off. While we were all watching TV together. No, no phones. And I had to be the model had to be the example. But once we got back into school and work in life, and of course being away at college, you know, I had to depend on you, you know, like all parents, you hope your values, your morals, your, you know, whatever practice you put in place you hope that they stick? Yes.

Cecilia  27:48

And what age do you believe it's appropriate to really start these conversations with our kids? How young is too young?

Felicia  27:55

Wow, how young is too young. I don't know that there's a how young is too young, maybe under five is probably too young, because they don't really understand the concept of death quite yet. So I don't know, everything somewhere around eight or nine to be quite honest, our students are so much more advanced because of social media because of just the students that they hang around at school. I'm thinking about my nine year old granddaughter right now. Who, you know, we've had to have some conversations with

Cecilia  28:38

it depends really on the child.

Felicia  28:42

It does, it totally depends on the child, your family circumstances.

Cecilia  28:49

Whether you're asking questions, or

Felicia  28:51

if they're asking questions, parents, you have to be ready to answer them. And that would be the good time to maybe start that general conversation. So what have you heard about that? What do you know? Because it couldn't be they might still believe babies come from a store you we just don't know what they know. So that's when you just want What have you heard? But for sure, by the time they become teens, and if you are seeing signs have the conversation. And it's not it. Trust me. It's not easy. I think I beat around the bush for about a week or two before. And I'm like, why is it so hard to ask you ask this to other students? All I'm saying is so myself. Ask this to kids that come into your office all the time. But it's different when it's that close to home. And it's different when you as a parent, you already know the answer. You know, I was just asking for confirmation, I think, but my gut was already telling me there's more going on here, but I couldn't delay it because I'm like, your gut is right. You got to get her to a therapist.

Cecilia  30:01

So yeah, and I think to starting the some conversations about what that what have they heard about? Or what do they know? Yeah, really supports in our kids that are in junior high. I think that's like when puberty is starting. That's when their emotions are all over the place, right? Their behaviors are changing already. And they're hearing the most obscene things from TV, radio, they're YouTube, tick tock, they're friends, and they listen to their friends. They really do. They really, really do. So I think it's also important for parents to get to know their friends.

Felicia  30:36

It is, it's extremely important in parents, you know, my advice to you is, we all hear birds of a feather we all hear you become who you hang around with. We all hear you know, the more positive side iron sharpens iron, your teens, whether they are leader or follower, or in betweener. They are impacted by their friends. So you are it is your utmost responsibility to get who get to know who they're hanging out with. And if possible, get to know those families. If you're having a family barbecue, invite that family over I did it all the time, because I wanted to know what, what's her mother? Like, you know what I mean? I'm sure we had a good time. But um, you know, the back of my mind, I'm thinking, Oh, okay. Yeah, you she can spend a night? You know what I mean?

Cecilia  31:27

Or no putting limits? Yeah, exactly.

Felicia  31:29

You need to tell you, I was always looking at ways to set different parameters, just because, and I think my background and education helped me do that. But parents, yes, please. And if you feel something's not right, with that child or that family dynamic, it should. You don't have to make excuses as your child like, sorry. You know, they may not like you, and sometimes your kid will not like you.

Cecilia  31:56

But that's the role we get. But that's the role we get as parents,

Felicia  31:59

we're not really here to be, quote, unquote, light. We, of course, want our kids to like us. But I also need to be sure I'm setting up good examples and setting up parameters and letting them know what my boundaries are. So there's one thing kids know, your expectations, they'll rise to that if you have done those to rise to

Cecilia  32:23

Yes. What can we do for our kiddos who refuse to talk to us? So we want to have that conversation with them? We started with, you know, and they just refuse to talk. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Felicia  32:36

What I loved with that, even though it sounds like we talked a lot, and we did there was a lot of in between the initial conversation of I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm like, clearly you're not. I'm let that I'm fine. Be heard. First of all, you know, early on, I think I just wanted an answer so badly. Because I can tell it wasn't. But I talked to one of the counselors at my school, I use other resources. And she's like, well, you know, keep asking, but try this different approach. So I think that's where I got the idea of just throwing out that generic conversation of you know, so I see something's bothering you, or what have you heard or something, I forget how it started. But they will tell you, they're fine. Especially in the teenage years. They're always fine, right? Nothing's wrong with our kid. But take that as your window. To now. Take a step back, as you're taking a step forward to find another way in. I think that just finally, I don't remember what it was now. But I remember just having to take my foot, totally off that gas pedal and taking another way around. And I don't remember what the conversation was now. But it was something really something silly. That kind of just got the conversation started. But if your gut is telling you something is their stay at it, without adding that pressure of where they're like, Oh, mom or dad just get away, like, Oh, you're always bugging, you don't want to send them down that road. Right? But literally, if you start that generic, just off the wall conversation that you've planted, you be surprised they don't see it coming.

Cecilia  34:39

So being persistent, but not in a pushy way and give yourself more opportunity to be there for them right when they're when they're ready to talk. Maybe play for me. You know, I think family games, okay, I'm gonna play more family games with this person. With my child. I'm going to have you know more meals together just giving them that opportunity to talk more and open up more would be helpful. Very helpful. Great. And what would you say to a parent who's maybe worried that talking to their kids about suicide could make their child more likely to attempt suicide?

Felicia  35:16

There's a parent that has that worry, that child should already be in therapy. I want to be honest, because self harm and getting to a point where you can no longer take that inner voice, that inner darkness, the child is already suffering. So if you feel like this is going to push them there, you need to call 988. Because a parent can call and have someone reach out. If you have a your own, you know, we you we have Kaiser, so I was able to reach out to her pediatrician who got me in, you know, if you think that a conversation is going to push your kid there. They're

Cecilia  36:00

there. They're there. Yeah, then they need the supports already. If our child expresses that they do want to harm themselves. Can you go through some of the steps that a parent should take? Right? How, how do parents know when to take that next step?

Felicia  36:18

Well, there's a couple of different avenues. I'm thinking if we're just thinking of teens, they're all in school knowledge. They're 18 and already graduated. So we're thinking of school age, teen students, and a parent may not know what to do. Your first resource is that school principal, the school counselors, the school administration, because that is truly part of what we take on a parent. You know, I get calls, I'm not gonna say all the time, but I do get enough of my counselors certainly way more than me. Because a parent doesn't know where to turn to. So parents, please use your schools as resources. Most schools in California now have school counselors, and a lot of us have mental health clinicians on site. We have school psychologists on site, that is part of what we do. So please pick up the phone calls and say, you know, whatever you say, how are you phrasing, we are able to take that information in to put it into next steps. It always leads for us doing a risk assessment. And that's the adult calling the student in and going through a series of questions to find out where they are, how escalated they are and if they have a plan, if they have a plan, parents, I will tell you, we will call for additional resources, which we call our child protective teams, our PET teams, they come out and they do another risk assessments. And sometimes we have students that are taken right away for what we all know to be a 5150 hold, especially when they have a plan. So if you don't know where to go right away, call it school to schools know what to do, we are here to help and we want to help. I'll segue to what my app is designed to do who. So for me, I would like to see an app design that's more like a panic button. Maybe I'm in this moment, and I'm by myself. If you are considered high risk, and you have a therapist, you have any mark, you have a safety plan, they give you a safety plan, and there's people on that safety plan that the person in me has assigned your safety plan. So the app would allow that person just to hit that panic button and send a pre written text to five of their emergency contacts, you don't have to think about it just hit it.

Cecilia  38:47

And I want to go over you mentioned safety plan. And for those parents who have had a child attempt suicide one or more times, you may be familiar with that term, parents are given the safety plan by their either pediatrician or by, you know, the mental health provider to support them. And what the safety plan is, is really gives you resources for the child or for the person right? For when they feel super stressed they are in that moment. And they need additional support. And they even when they go into crisis mode. And this would include like check ins with somebody regularly beyond just the day to day tasks. You really learned to have those deeper conversations and know who to turn to in that moment. So when you can text your location, like you were saying, you know, and I love that your app would go directly there. I mean, that's such a support for our for our families. I did want to ask, because this question to me, is near and dear, during 2020 My son's friend, very close to friend of his committed suicide he completed suicide. So how would you talk to a parent about how they should talk to their children who have known someone who has completed suicide.

Felicia  40:16

Of course, I'm thinking about my daughter's friends, because she had, you know, keep those lines of communication open. And if your child is starting to feel blame, because a lot of times, you know, as adults, you know, kids, you want to blame yourself for that happening. You want to make sure that you talk your child through that. And let them know that it wasn't their fault. There is now science behind it, what's going on, because it's happening so much. It is. So let them know, it wasn't their fault. That their friendship, you know, was something that they value, you know, the other person value, like I can think of my daughter's closest friend. And we talk about that all the time of their friendship being valued in

Cecilia  41:18

your time sheet share,

Felicia  41:19

like some of their little special places like they will drive to, you know, a little place down in San Bernardino and have their boba that you want to remember those times because those were the times were that, you know, your son may not have known and I can think of my daughter's room and I didn't, but those were those times where they were feeling okay, they were in that moment. So it is it's a lot of conversation, just a lot of support. And if you feel like they are internalizing, again, because this is something that they will live with foreseeably for the rest of their lives, it's okay for you to reach out for them to get grief counseling. Yes, you know, grief counseling is not just for me, I'm in grief counseling right now. It's not for just that immediate family member it is for the friend too. Because those friends do suffer, especially those really close friends. Because they do internalize it a little bit differently. And it's okay. And first of all, let them know, it's okay not to be okay. To be angry to be sad. When the moon hits, let the tears come

Cecilia  42:46

in knowledge, their feelings, acknowledge those

Felicia  42:48

feelings. And, you know, if there's something you feel you want to do to honor them, go ahead and do it. I know, like my daughter's closest friend, and she'll call me up. Hey, you know, so I know you're going to go visit and I can Can I go with you? Absolutely. Because sometimes they need that time to Yes. So whatever it is, you know, you just have to now be sure to wrap your arms around that child and say, Hey, what do you need,

Cecilia  43:19

right? And parents to find grief counseling near you, we encourage you to speak to your principal, your your counselors at school, if that's maybe not an option for you over the summer, or you need that right away. Always call 211. It's an informational number that you can call and just let them know what resource you need. And they can help you locate it in your area. So thank you so much for sharing these resources with our families. Do you have any final advice for parents who have lost a child to suicide?

Felicia  43:52

If you're not part of a support group, there's a lot of them out there, I encourage you to do so. It's, well at least for me, it's a kind of therapeutic if you will. But then as probably the educator side of my brain, being in the support groups, listening to other stories, kind of learning from other people. And you know, now joining AFSP American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, I'm going to do a walk in October I probably would not have before find your own cause in this I am one of those people who believe in purposes in God doesn't make mistakes for a week for that matter with me, but sometimes when I say that I feel like well, are you being selfish because she was suffering? And I knew it. So I would just say find that support for because talking to other people do it does help if you need to go to grief counseling, do it. If you need to join the ranks of medication, I don't take it anymore, but I did because I needed to sleep I needed to get back to balance. It was, as you can imagine a challenge

Cecilia  45:27

when we consult with our doctor physician consult, exactly say,

Felicia  45:31

Oh, yep. Once you start talking, you know, to a therapist, they will start to help you get to a level where they feel like it could kind of get you on the right path. Whatever it is, that kind of helps you get through a day, and maybe help someone else at this point, because that's, if you're suffering with this. That's kind of what you have to do. You kind of want to get the word out there, share your story, and it's hard. Trust me, it's hard.

Cecilia  46:05

Thank you so much, again for sharing your story with us. So parents, if your child has a history of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, self harm, or substance abuse, you should monitor them more closely and consider involving a professional. And again, the number for suicide and crisis Lifeline is 988. Or you can text the Crisis Text Line by texting, talk, ta LK to 741741 to speak, or text with a trained counselor who can provide guidance and the most appropriate steps and resources. And of course, calling 911 is the best for solutions when self harm is occurring, or you believe it's about to occur. All of these resources including the link to the all three body mind, soul can be found on our family empowerment website through Canvas. Just type into the search bar, s s dot s bc s s.net/family. Remember parents, you are doing amazing, you are amazing, and you're raising amazing humans. So take a deep breath. Enjoy the little moments, and we'll see you next time.