Bonus Episode: Additional Supports for Suicide Prevention

In this episode, I am joined by two incredible behavioral health counselors who dedicate their life to working with youth here at SBCSS Student Services. Gabriel Arredondo, a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. And we have Dr. Olga Sosa-Estrella, Program Manager of Student Services Counseling Center. We are continuing our conversation on suicide prevention.

Music by DayFox from Pixabay - Salangseuleoun

Transcript

Cecilia  00:10

Welcome back to a special edition of Parenting with Passion. This bonus episode provides a deeper look and additional support to our conversation of suicide prevention. I'm your host Cecilia Holguin with SBCSS. And if you haven't heard our last episode with principal, Felicia Limbrick, I do encourage you to listen. This episode, I am joined by two incredible behavioral health counselors who dedicate their life to working with youth here at SBCSS Student Services. Gabriel Arredondo, a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. And we have Dr. Olga Sosa-Estrella, Program Manager of Student Services Counseling Center. Welcome. And let's dive in. What are some common signs to look for? What should parents be looking for? When they start noticing some changes here with their their students? How do they know when it gets to that level, where we need to worry about suicide prevention here.

Olga  01:11

So first thing I'm going to say is that we don't want to get to a point where we're worried about that level, what we want to do is just be always mindful of our kids, what they're going through, keep those communication lines open as much as possible, it can be very challenging with some of our adolescents, because they come into an age where they don't want to talk to you anymore, you're not a cool parent, you know, you're, you're an adult, so go away. So that's all very normal and typical. But what I would say is, you know, as much as possible, be involved, be present, do check ins with your kids, I understand people work, long hours, I work long hours, there's people working two jobs. But make it a very intentional moment in the morning, if possible. Two minutes. Good morning, how are you? Hope you have a great day? How are you feeling today? You know, that doesn't take more than two minutes. And then, you know, maybe during a meal or after school, sometime get home from work, do another little check in. And then before bed. And so it's it's difficult to remain engaged with a teen, but you want to make your you want to build in those times where they already know, Mom's coming to ask me, How am I doing? how my day was? And and even if they don't give you an answer, you're observing their body language, you're observing how they say, Oh, it was okay. Or it was okay. You know, so you're paying attention to all those cues. And so I would say we would start there is just that, that basic, what we like to call in the educational world, a tier one intervention, just a basic built in routine that you have with your students, your kids.

Cecilia  02:59

So what if as a parent, we see that there is something troubling our student, but their responses continuously? I'm okay. How do we know the next steps here? And trying to get that answer out of them and get them that help, but yet not coming off? pushy or naggy as a parent?

Gabriel  03:24

That's a great point, I think something that needs to be addressed is the fact that we need to meet our students where they're at. So sometimes, we don't want to add pressure. But at the same time, we want to be compassionate and express his genuine concern that I sense that something's wrong. And I think for parents and their children, oftentimes what I've noticed professionally is many of our students do not want to overburden their parents. And I think that's why it's extremely important for them to have a support system at school, away from school. And if they don't have one, that's part of the game plan. Part of the safety plan is creating one, because that mitigates the risk when someone is experiencing suicide ideation, or has experienced suicide attempts, or they're experiencing a crisis.

Cecilia  04:16

How can you dive a little deeper as to what that might look like for student?

Gabriel  04:20

Sure. So I've worked with many students who have experienced this before. And one of the first things that I do is, I create a safety plan for my students. So that safety plan has different layers. And one of those layers is how do we create a sense of community for the student? Who are their support systems? Who are the people who support them? Are there any external support groups, for example, do they attend a church? Do they belong to some sort of athletic team? Do they participate in a certain activity that can build that resilience? So we We have different layers, and one of them is creating support. The other one is what are the different crises, numbers or sites that they can visit, such as the emergency room? Do they have a psychiatrist or they're working with a therapist, obviously, if they're working with me, then I'm providing that individual therapy, and family therapy. And that's extremely important. But we really want to mitigate the risk by preventing that escalation of behavior from increasing sometimes when someone is experiencing clinical depression, it's easy for that to grow like a wildfire. And so we want to extinguish that we want to control it before it gets out of hand and becomes overwhelming for the student and the family.

Cecilia  05:40

That's wonderful, thank you. And I love how you connected the school with the family life, our community life, you know, the childhood sports and church. And I think that's really, really important for families to know that you have a partner here with our school system. And so utilize those resources. I think that's really important for families. Another question I get so often is how young is too young, to have a conversation with a student about suicide.

06:14

That research is showing that students are showing signs of depression at a younger age. And so I wouldn't say it's, I think the when the way that you present, it has to be developmentally appropriate. And so you're not going to talk to a teenager the way you would talk to an eight year old, or an eight year old, you know, a 16 year old. So I think it just has to be developmentally appropriate, you have to speak their language. And something that Gabe brought up was meeting them where they're at. And so the way that those questions are asked, they still have to be direct. But you might have to be more mindful the language and not use, you know, bigger vocabulary words and things of that nature, because a student might not understand, or your child might not understand what you're asking them. So there's, you know, for example of I've had five year olds that have expressed certain things they don't always understand, I believe it's not until the age of seven, for a normally developing child to really understand the finite nature of death. So even if they lose a pet, or you know, a loved one, they don't understand that it's how that it's over. Right? That it's finite, until they're seven. And so we've had students as young as the age of five expressed that they want to take their own life. And they, you typically they use the words, I want to kill myself, which is a very, you know, the word kill is a very basic word, and they understand what that means to certain extent, and that they want to hurt themselves. And so, at that point, it would still you would still want to engage in a conversation and really see where those feelings are coming from, did you really mean that? Do you know what that means? You know, explain to me when he said that, what what that looks like, and most kids can tell you, and if they don't have the language, you can ask them to draw your picture. And they usually can, you know, show it to you in a different way, express it in a different way. And then you can really decipher and rule out what's going on with that child. But I would say there is not really too young of an age, you don't want to come up with the number and then dismiss something that is that strong of an expression. A child might be really feeling some kind of grief for his anger. And so it also gives us an opportunity to build their emotional vocabulary is what we like to call it in the mental health field. What do you mean that you're angry? Do you mean that you're frustrated? Do you mean that you're very sad? You know, and so then you start giving them those words, sometimes it's just a lack of knowing how to express yourself. Sometimes it's really them experiencing some early signs of feeling very upset and depressed and not wanting to be here. So never make any assumptions, I think is my always something that I tell others never assume that they're okay. Never assume they're just saying it to say it. Always make sure you're following through and checking up and making sure that we're understanding where that's coming from.

Cecilia  09:33

Right, right. And what should be the next steps for a parent when they do hear their child say that they want to harm themselves? What's the very first thing that they should do? I mean, do they go right away to call 911 or 988? Or are there other steps in between? How does a parent decipher that information?

09:52

So I would, I would say as a parent, you would ask your child to have this conversation with your child and really see where, where they're coming from What do you mean by that? If they start telling you like, Yes, Mom, I don't want to be here anymore. I hate my life. My life used to be better than you know than it is now. I don't, I feel trapped. You know, there's, there's all these indications of frustration and feeling almost not caged. But trapped in the situation of sadness, of grief, of loneliness, of emptiness, that's when you really want to reach out right away. If they're telling you, they already have a plan, that is a 988 call, like, you need to call the suicide line, there has to be a professional under their line, who's going to help them talk them down, and then you want to seek immediate assistance. So if you feel like, I can't sleep at night, you as a parent know, you know, I can't sleep at night, because they might get up in the middle of the night and do something to themselves, then you shouldn't sleep at night, you should probably, take them to the emergency room, or you look for the local crisis center. And you transport them yourself. And you make sure that they're getting all of the safety checks that Mr. Gabe talked about in terms of having a plan in place, and you're having a mental health professional, or a doctor actually assessing the child.

Cecilia  11:20

Yes, and I know a lot of parents, they've, they've stated that that feels sometimes too harsh with the child saying no, no, nevermind, nevermind. But really, we do this out of the space of love. Right, we're taking those extra steps to ensure that our child is safe. And so parents, I want you to know, it's okay to make these decisions. And they may not be the most popular ones with your child. But if they have expressed this, we need to move forward with the next steps in ensuring their safety, it's number one. Do you have Yes,

Gabriel  11:53

I wanted to throw this in there before I forget. In terms of treatment, something that I encourage every parent to do is to make sure you advocate for your child. Because sometimes their voices are silenced by the depression they're experiencing or anything that is troubling them. And truly the treatment here, it's a multi dimensional treatment, a child needs a psychiatrist at times, they need, of course, a therapist so they can work one on one with them. Family Therapy, they need a team effort. This isn't a one dimensional treatment, this has to include a team. And I think I can't emphasize that enough. Because there are children who may need medication from a psychiatrist, in addition to the therapy that we provide. And so depending on the severity, depending on the history, there needs to be an approach that's a little bit more intensive. And I encourage every parent to not back down and actually advocate for their child, because that's the most important part.

Cecilia  12:58

That's very important. Thank you for that. Can you go through the steps of how would a parent find those resources? Because I know sometimes that's that's overwhelming. You know, there is so much resources, but at the same time, it's not an easy thing to navigate. So how would a parent go about that?

13:18

That's a great question. So I would start at the school. If the school doesn't have a therapist present at the site, then I would consult with, you can't you have the option of consulting with a crisis line, you can also visit an emergency room. And they usually have the resources on site. And they directly towards a behavioral health center or crisis stabilization center a CSU. It depends on the location and the geography of where the family lives. But the most important part is they can start at school and they can visit the hospital. They have a crisis line. And they can also dial 211 as well.

Cecilia  13:57

Great, great point, yes. So if you're unsure of your resources, always dial 211 great informational number that gives us resources in your area, crisis line 988 They will also support the child and that's a number that this child teen can call or the parent. So if you are noticing your child or someone else's child even experiencing these types of harmful tendencies to themselves, dial that 988 And if it's an immediate emergency 911 is also a great resource. We want to make sure that our families are safe. Anything else to add? Anything that you feel that the parents should know?

14:44

Just to you know, follow. Really pay attention to patterns of behavior when you know your child better than anybody else. Every child has an a personality you different routines, different habits, different preferences, you know them best. When your child we start noticing differences, and it's not for like necessarily the good. And maybe your child who's very outgoing now doesn't want to go out with friends, or even a more introverted child who loves to play video games all day, and now they're not interested in playing their video games. That's a big change. That is noteworthy. That's something that you want to pay attention to, and start really, you know, doing those check ins, like I said, to kind of just establish that routine. And the reality is, is that some students will, you know, go up to you and tell you what's going on, most won't. But when they know that you care, they know you're a safe person, eventually, they will. But you have to be, you know, available and persistent and present.

Cecilia  15:55

Perfect, thank you so much.

Gabriel  15:57

That's right. I think the the lingering sadness, too, that stretches for an extended period of time, or you've noticed a change in mood behavior, it's gone on for more than two weeks, or even less, sometimes you notice a pattern that just doesn't fit with your child. And so red flags start to emerge, you want to address it, and you want to not sit on your hands, but actually be proactive. That's very important. So for every family to take charge, and really mitigate that risk. By seeking that support at school, they usually have a mental health professional. And it's important to use those resources because they're there for that purpose to support and to prevent a lot of these emergencies from taking place. We want to mitigate the risk. We want to conserve life. We want to protect our children, and we want to help them through their journeys, because it's not an easy process, even for adults. And I think for adolescents, there's tremendous change that's taking place biologically, and there needs to be a lot of support in place.

Cecilia  17:03

Yes, yes. Thank you for that. Well, that's it for our bonus edition of parenting with passion. I want to thank our guests today for joining us for this very important conversation. Remember, parents, you are doing amazing, you are amazing, and you are raising amazing humans. So take a breath. Enjoy the little moments, and we'll see you next time.