Part 2 Default to YES! - The Clarity Loop: Thoughtful Transformation

The Clarity Loop: Retrain Your Mind for Nervous System Regulation and Emotional Control

In episode two, we cover how thoughts shape overall wellbeing and nervous system regulation, building on last week’s focus on how body state affects clear thinking. Drawing from cognitive behavioral therapy and neuroscience, we emphasize that it’s not just what happens but how we interpret it: thoughts create emotions, drive behaviors, and produce results, especially as cognitive bias intensifies under stress. To create space and choice through metacognition, we walk through a four-step “clarity loop”: Notice the facts, Narrate the meaning you’re assigning, Nurture by identifying the emotions, and Navigate by asking what’s true, helpful, and what you will choose. 

Your assignment if you choose to accept: practice to pause during strong emotions, examine the thought, question the thought’s truthfulness and usefulness, and then choose the outcome you want, accompanied by more accurate, honest thinking.

Transcript

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Welcome to episode two of what I hope to be a very extraordinary season in your life and, as it is. turning out to be in mine. So we are going to talk about how our thoughts play into our wellbeing, our overall wellbeing, how they play into nervous system regulation. We're gonna talk about What I call the clarity loop and how to retrain your mind. We talk about training our brains to cooperate with us so that we can show up in the world in the way that we really want to, and sometimes that is a battle. Last week we talked about nervous system and how your body. State influences your ability to think clearly. So hopefully you have, either made some notes on things that you're going to do, differently. Maybe some simple things you're gonna incorporate into the things you're already doing. Hopefully you are, practicing those things as well, whether you're. listening to all of these episodes at one time, or you're taking them slowly and moving through them so that you can integrate your wins. either way, I hope that you are finding some wins in this. So today we're gonna build on that foundation because once the body begins to settle, we can start looking for something incredibly powerful and that is your. Thoughts. Now, I mentioned before that I've had a lot of coaching conversations where we have gone for thoughts maybe a little too soon in hopes of regulating the nervous system by managing our mind or taking those thoughts captive. And sometimes it works that way, but it's a lot easier for those changes and for those epiphanies to really take hold if we have a nervous, system that we're not battling against for attention. So a regulated nervous system is gonna make all of this, flow easier. it doesn't make it easy. maybe makes it simpler to incorporate. Okay, so we're gonna talk about. Our thoughts. This is that quiet driver of your life. Well, maybe it's not so quiet, but it seems to me that most people assume that their life is shaped by circumstances. I have a lot of conversations about circumstances, what happened, what didn't happen, what someone said. What went wrong, and sometimes these things, I'm not gonna take that away from you because sometimes, well, a lot of times things just don't go the way that we had hoped or planned or dreamt. or even when they do, we don't get the outcome that we thought or it doesn't feel like we thought it would. It doesn't look like we thought it would. Regardless, we. Tend to focus on circumstances. When somebody says, how are you? It's easier to talk about what happened, maybe, or if they notice that you were upset or notice something. It's just easier to focus on those circumstances. Then we go into fix it mode on things that we maybe can't fix. a whole lot happens when we focus on the circumstances. But cognitive psychology tells us a different story. It's not just what happens to you, it's how you interpret what happens. I had a hard time when I started down this road studying cognitive behavioral therapy My coach would say over and over and over again, there is no good or bad thing that happens to you. Things Only have the meaning that you assign them. There is nothing bad. There is nothing good, and I had a really hard time with that because a bad diagnosis or a terminal diagnosis, a traumatic event, an accident, those are things that we would just say those are bad things. But I wanna back up and get to the truth. yes, bad things happen. That's a fact. It's part of our human story. Bad things happen, good things happen, but they only have the value that we assign them. So it's not what happens to you, it's how you interpret what happens In cognitive behavioral therapy, one of the most researched and effective forms of psychotherapy, we learn that thoughts create emotions that Drive behaviors that produce results. So, which means that if you want to change your life, you have to understand your thinking. And this isn't always easily come by. Sometimes we're telling ourselves stories and we get those mixed up with the facts. Your brain is a meaning making machine. Your brain is constantly interpreting, not occasionally. It's constantly at work. Some estimates suggest that we have tens of thousands of thoughts per day, and many of them are automatic and repetitive. And here's what's important. Your brain is not designed to tell you the truth. It's designed to keep you safe, which means that it scans for problems. It predicts worst case scenarios. It fills in gaps with assumptions. It repeats familiar narratives. And this is all called cognitive bias. Now, this as at play for all of us in different degrees, different variations. some people will see best case scenario first. However that works. But this is what your brain is designed for, and this is why cognitive bias is so studied and well documented under stress, these patterns become even stronger. So without realizing it, you can begin living inside a story that feels true, but may not actually be accurate. I've had clients get really frustrated when I try to take them to a place where their circumstances aren't really responsible for what they're experiencing, and they get really aggravated because they just want me to acknowledge the circumstance and how bad it is and acknowledge that they can't do anything to improve because the circumstances are so bad. And, well, if that's where we wanna live, then fine. That's also a choice We can choose that outcome to stay sick, to stay sad, to stay angry, to stay depressed, to stay frustrated, to stay stressed. We can choose that or we can choose something different for ourselves. This is where awareness changes everything. And this is why I thought awareness is so powerful because the moment you can observe your thinking, you're no longer completely controlled by it. Neuroscience shows that this ability called metacognition activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces emotional reactivity. In simple terms, this means that when you notice your thoughts, you create space between you and them, and in that space you gain choice Now. I call it the clarity loop. I've worked with a lot of coaches. I've studied under a lot of thought leaders and taken courses from these people who have designed frameworks for us to work in this. I've found that something memorable and something a little bit more flexible is a good place to start. So I call it the clarity loop. And it's a simple framework that I use all the time. It's four steps. and the first is to notice, and the reason I like this framework is because it's really easy to take with you on the go. Now you can pick apart the components as far as, working a different model. And getting a little more detailed. And sometimes I will do that as well. But this is a really great place to start and it's a great place to train your brain to just automatically navigate through these steps. First, notice what actually happened. This is the fact, not the story. So for example, he didn't respond to my message. So this is, something that. Is a circumstance, it's a fact. He didn't respond to my message. Everybody could see that. I could show you my text and show you that. I sent five different texts and he didn't respond. So that's fact. Now the narration. Now, when we start down to narration, what am I making this mean? This is the thought. He's ignoring me. He must be upset with me. I did something wrong. And in the case that I'm thinking about, I'm thinking, he doesn't wanna tell me the truth. So the response is not what I want and he knows it, so he doesn't want to respond because it's gonna be something that I don't wanna hear, and he knows it. So he is ignoring me, and that makes me feel disregarded. What I'm making this mean is that it's bad, it's bad news. Now what am I feeling? Thoughts create emotions. It's not the other way around. You don't get angry and then have thoughts. You have thoughts that cause you to be feel angry. So the example in this situation might be anxiety or insecurity, frustration. Now we move on to navigate. we've noticed, we've narrated, nurtured it. What am I feeling? And now we're going to navigate. this is the most important step here to really get any kind of traction on this thought and in trading your brain to cooperate with you is what is true, what is helpful, and what will I choose? Now, this is where you get to gently question the thought and choose your response. you could ask yourself, what outcome do I want? What do I really want from this? following our example, I don't actually know why he hasn't responded. Maybe his phone is broken. Maybe he lost his phone. Maybe he left the house without his phone and went on a weekend trip and doesn't know that I'm texting. maybe he's just focused on something else and is thinking, I'm gonna get to this. when I can give it to my a hundred percent attention. now I can follow up or I can let it go and just take action on my own. So whatever. Response that better, best serves me. I can choose that. I don't have to make up stories. I don't have to live in the frustration. There's nothing I can do about it. He's gonna respond when he responds. Right? So that isn't something I control, but I can control being. frustrated about it, I can control, my constant, message sending because probably one or two messages was enough or one a day as a reminder to bring it back to the top, and let him know the urgency. So this is, these are things I can choose. I can follow up or I can let it go. So why this works, we're gonna talk a little bit about the science behind this clarity loop. This is a process that's grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy. research shows us that when individuals learn to identify the automatic thoughts to change cognitive distortions and reframe interpretations. They will also experience reduced anxiety, improved emotional regulation, and better decision making. So from a neuroscience perspective, this process strengthens the connection between your prefrontal cortex and the emotional centers like the amygdala. You are literally rewiring your brain through repeated practice, and I can testify to this over and over again because I. At one time felt very reactionary. I, I think I've shared before that calm down are, are fighting words for me. But now I think somebody could say, calm down and it might trigger this clarity loop for me. I probably still don't like it and I probably should do a clarity loop around that, but just like, not in general, not liking to be told what to do, Regardless. Rewiring your brain. That's how crucial mastering this skill is. Now, scripture has been teaching this all along. What's fascinating is how closely it aligns with scripture. Take every thought captive. we make that a passive thing. But so don't fall into the trap of making that a passive action. It's exactly what we're doing in the clarity loop, actually taking the thought, captive, isolating it, putting it in view, and then going to work on what freedom looks like. We're not suppressing thoughts, we're examining them, and then choosing what to believe. Philippians four, eight says, whatever is true, think about such things. Not everything in your mind. Not everything your brain tells you. Not everything your mind offers is true. We cannot believe everything that we think, and you have the ability and the responsibility to discern the difference. I would guess that any question that you have, you already have the answer to. my coach always says, no, you can't say, I don't know. I don't know is not an answer because you do know. we might have to dig for a little bit, but you do know. So I don't know is not an answer. I don't know, is an easy way out. I don't know. It gives you a pass on maybe, Some understanding will come your way or this settling into that circumstance or believing what isn't true. this again, is not about toxic pos positivity either, so let me be really clear about that. I don't enjoy that either. This is not about pretending everything is fine. This is not about choosing a positive thought and going to work, replacing the real thought. The thought that recurs or replays in your head. Maybe all of your life you've had this, you've been walking around with this thought you didn't even know about. Those take work, those take a lot of effort It's painful to work those out and to take them captive. They don't go easily. So it's not about, affirmations and things like that, when you say, well, what would you rather thought? Well, I'd rather think that this is a wonderful day with all sorts of possibilities when you've just been given some bad news. Sometimes those two things do not go together easily. Telling yourself another untruth. Just because it's positive doesn't make it true. This is not about pretending everything is fine or forcing positive thoughts. It's about accurate thinking. It's about honest thinking, helpful thinking. And sometimes the truth is this situation is hard. That conversation really mattered. That boundary is necessary. But even then, we can choose thoughts that move us forward rather than keep us stuck. This is hard. This is painful. I will move forward. I get to decide how to respond to this. Sometimes that is the thought. I'm gonna walk you through this, giving a little bit of. a real life situation. Okay, so let's say that you receive critical feedback. So when we walk through the clarity loop, we'll notice my manager gave me feedback on my performance. Then when we narrate it, we see it brought up thoughts like, I'm not good enough, I'm failing. I am not as good as others. I'm not as far along as I thought. Whatever that thought is. And then let's nurture it. what is the emotion that those thoughts are bringing forward? Shame, discouragement, maybe. And then we move to navigating. This might take these kind of conversations, honestly. Could take a whole journal session, an hour of coaching, a good conversation with a friend or someone you trust. Sometimes it's painful getting there because your brain's gonna wanna keep you safe. So it's gonna tell you things like when you hit the nurture phase, it's gonna tell you things like, I don't really care. I don't really care about what my manager thinks. so things like that are gonna come up. You gotta wade through them to find out what is really going on, and then navigating, what specifically did they say? Asking questions like, is there something here that I can learn? Or, what's one piece of feedback that does not define my ability? Do you feel that shift? It's the same circumstance with a different interpretation, a different emotional response, and a different outcome. All right, so a simple practice for you to do today to get started is today. I want you to try this. The next time you feel a strong emotion, pause, no matter what it is, it could be somebody cuts you off in traffic or you're standing in line and you're getting frustrated. This would be a good time You could use that time to work that clarity loop. Why are you feeling frustrated? So, pause and ask, what am I thinking right now? Write it down if you can. If you're standing in line and killing time by practicing the clarity loop, then maybe you can't write it down, but write it down if you can. And then gently ask yourself, is this thought completely true? Is it helpful? Is there another way to see this? Now, you don't need to do this perfectly. Just begin. Yeah, and if I need to say that again, don't get caught up in doing this perfectly and arriving at the perfect thought and having an epiphany. Sometimes that doesn't happen. Sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it's a very subtle shift. Just something that maybe brings you back to your center regardless. You don't need, again, you don't need to do this perfectly. Just begin. Just do it. When you learn to work with your thoughts, instead of being ruled by them, everything begins to change. Your reactions become responses, your emotions become information. This is when it's not so frustrating to hear somebody say, that this emotion that you don't wanna be feeling is your friend. So emotions can, you can become friends with your emotions because they become information that give you clues on how to move, forward, and who you really want to become. Your life becomes more intentional. And this is how we begin to move from survival mode to clarity, from reactivity, to choice, from confusion to direction. And this will help us navigate so many things, even political climates, it things that we're dealing with in our world.'cause these things are not, again, ever gonna change. They're part of the human story. They happen over and over and over again. We have history to tell ourselves this. How are we going to navigate from survival mode to clarity, reactivity to choice and confusion to direction. Here's a question to carry with you. I want you to sit with this today. you might wanna write it down. What thoughts have I been believing without questioning, and are those thoughts helping me become who I want to be? Write those at the top of a notebook, paper or a journal page and answer them every single day. Until you get into the mindset of working this clarity loop on all the things that come up. I promise you that you could even make a game of this. I promise you that it'll get easier. It will get easier as you do it more, but this is the work. It's not controlling every thought, but becoming aware even during mindfulness. Thoughts will pop up that distract you. Instead of stopping that time of being present, just gently tap or file, set the thought aside'cause it's gonna be there later as well. So this isn't controlling every thought, that's not even possible. But becoming aware and becoming discerning, becoming intentional, and from that place you begin to live differently. So tomorrow morning, wake up, take a breath, notice your thoughts, choose what is true, and once again, default to yes, your extraordinary self.