100. Why We Need Boundaries Now More Than Ever with Monique Willingham

Do you ever feel like you’ve lost touch with the vibrant, energized version of yourself? Maybe you’re juggling work, family, and changing hormones—and wondering where you went in the process. If you’re nodding yes, this episode is for you.

Today, I’m joined by our beloved nurse practitioner Monique Willingham for a heartfelt, real-talk conversation about how to reclaim your sense of self in midlife. We’re pulling back the curtain on what we see in our clinic every day—and how boundaries, emotional clarity, and intentional self-care are essential tools for not just surviving, but thriving during menopause and beyond.

This isn’t about quick fixes or symptom-chasing. It’s about rediscovering who you are—and becoming the strongest, most joyful version of yourself.

In this episode:

• Why boundaries are the foundation of true wellness in midlife
• The emotional and physical disconnect so many women feel—and what to do about it
• How to redefine your priorities and make time for you
• The role of community and connection during hormonal transitions
• How mindset impacts your healing and why short-term fixes don’t work
• Tips for cultivating consistency and long-term wellness (even in a busy life)
• How acupuncture and holistic care support emotional and physical resilience

Resources Mentioned:

🎁 FREE RESOURCE: Download your guide to feeling empowered in midlife: https://risingwomanproject.com 

Connect with me, Dr. Sara Poldmae:

Website: https://risingwomanproject.com

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/drsarapoldmae

Join me at my next wellness retreat!   https://risingwomanproject.com/retreats/2025-april/

Transcript

Sara Poldmae: 0:01

Sarah, welcome to the midlife rise and thrive podcast. I am your host. Dr Sarah pulpning, if you have been wondering how to feel your best in mind, body and spirit as you navigate through midlife, then this is the show for you. Each week. I'm sharing accessible education, heartfelt stories and exclusive interviews. We will be talking about everything from health and wellness to sex and relationships and the many challenges and opportunities that come with mid life, it's time to take charge and live fully with intention as you write your next chapter. Let's

Unknown: 0:42

get started.

Sara Poldmae: 0:46

Hi, ladies, we have a special episode for you today. I'm super excited to have Monique Willingham, our nurse practitioner, back on the show. Monique and I just love working with women to have them live their best lives during menopause, perimenopause, midlife. And before we get started, I just want to make a quick announcement. You're going to notice a big change in a few weeks, I have renamed the show menopause rise and thrive, because we've spent so much time focusing on hormones and menopause and midlife just wasn't specific enough for me. Because midlife could be 35 it could be 40. I really wanted to hone in on what we're talking about here, because this transition can be really rough from both an emotional and physical standpoint, and I just thought renaming it just the first word would be a way to really hone in on what we're talking about here. So welcome, welcome and welcome Monique.

Monique Willingham: 1:42

Hi. I can't wait to talk about our topic today. Yeah,

Sara Poldmae: 1:47

so today we're going to talk about Monique and I work really well together, because we don't take an approach of like, let's get fixing these symptoms, and all will be magically well. We really try and talk with women about what they can do, what ownership they can take in creating the life that they desire. Because in functional medicine, natural medicine, the holistic way that we practice, we're not trying to get you to feel symptom free. We're actually trying to get you to up level yourself to feel the best that you can possibly feel, and frankly, that takes some work on your part. So today, we're going to dive into a topic that's near and dear to both of our hearts, which is about rediscovering yourself, taking time to sort through and start to enforce boundaries really practice true self care and wellness, especially during this time of life, it's so common for women to feel overwhelmed, lost in the roles that we play, of mom, wife, friend, employee, entrepreneur, that we often forget to take the time to figure out what makes us feel joyful. So we just thought we would come on and chat about a few things that we see in clinic time and time again with almost every patient, and we hope that you enjoy because honestly, we're not influencers. We're practitioners, right, right? Yeah, I mean, we're clinicians. So we love to be on social media a little bit, but we don't have the time to take out to create as much content as we would like. So this podcast is an opportunity to share what we see clinically and just insights of what works and what doesn't. And I think that the one thing we really see as a common thread is that women don't feel like themselves during this time of life, absolutely

Monique Willingham: 3:42

not. I think a lot of women come in here saying that, you know, I just don't feel good, or I feel off, or I feel weird, and everyone is telling me, Well, I feel the same way, and that's just how you feel whenever, however old you are. But I think because of society and the lifestyle that we're all leading, it's just like a it's literally a hamster wheel that everybody is on. And I feel like we need to make a shift of giving ourselves permission to have a down day, or to have downtime, to kind of reflect on what type of person we want to be, what kind of mom we want to be, what kind of business owner, what kind of employee, and taking that extra step and breath to be able to do that every I mean, how many people come in here and say, oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed. I don't have time for that. Have time for this. I'm here like I have exactly one hour. So, you know, it's really kind of looking deep inside and saying, What is your biggest priority, and what is the goal? What is your goal? Right,

Sara Poldmae: 4:42

right? And you know, that's where we start to get into things that maybe your regular doctors don't have time to get into, or maybe just don't see the connection. So we really, I wouldn't say, I go a day without talking to at least a few patients about boundaries. Because in order to take that time, you need to create that time. We have 24 hours each day. None of us have 25 none of us have 18. We all have 24 hours in a day. And some of the basic building blocks of health, sleep, nutrition, movement, movement, stress reduction, like all of those things, take time. And you know, we see so much on social media. There's so much noise about do this, do that. So our goal is to help you to first prioritize boundaries, so that then you can take the advice that we give you and the lifestyle shifts that we're asking you to make, and make them, because if you don't have boundaries, things are going to get in the way,

Monique Willingham: 5:47

totally. They're going to get in the way, and you're not going to you're not going to be consistent. And what we try to do is it's one thing for us to talk at people right, like you need to do this, you need to do that, but what we need is something that is going to be a consistent and it's going to be sustainable for you, so something that you're going to enjoy and continue on and not lose footing backtrack. So we want to help provide you as best as we can with your guidance how to create a sustainable, healthy lifestyle.

Sara Poldmae: 6:19

Yeah, because it was either the last it was probably the the episode before last, I talked about mindset. And you know, we can go to the gym once and we feel stronger just by going once. And we look in the mirror and we think we look better, right? But just one trip to the gym, it just doesn't create you don't like look in the mirror and actually look better. It's the mindset that you look better and that you're stronger and so with consistency, like Monique said, that's the long haul. That's the game, right? It's not these immediate, quick fixes that we're looking for on social media. It's how do we create sustainable, long term wellness, and as a bonus or because of creating these boundaries and saying yes to the things that you want to say yes to, rather than out of obligation, you're less likely to allow the silly interruptions on a daily basis. You're more likely to focus on what true wellness looks like to you. We really have to protect our energy, protect our peace of mind in order to create true wellness, and that's especially important in perimenopause, because we've got symptoms left and right, and we're also chasing our kids. We're chasing our aging parents. There are always going to be disruptions, but we have to really make sure that we protect our boundaries and stay connected to our values and to the importance of us. We're really important, just like everybody else in our lives, we're just as important and we cannot serve if we're feeling lost and sick,

Monique Willingham: 7:57

right, right? I mean, if as females, I think if you're the center of your household, really, I mean, if you have children and a husband or a partner, you know, it feels like you are the one that's kind of directing the household ship, and so nobody is going to take better care of you than yourself and giving yourself permission to say, You Know what, I'm gonna get up a little early so I have some quiet time in the morning, because I know at seven o'clock when the, for example, the kids get up, the dog needs to be fed, the husband's got, you know, so much happens, but between six and seven, I'm gonna give it to myself, and I deserve that, and that's gonna set me up for a good Day. So part of this we're

Sara Poldmae: 8:41

talking as clinicians, right? We're we're talking into a microphone. We're going to give you tips and tricks that are going to make you feel better, and we know clinically how to get you well. But we're talking about this also as women, as women that have the same struggles as you, the women that have to balance careers, kids, all of that stuff. So we're coming to you as providers, but also as women that want to walk you home through this, right? So one of the common themes that we hear, and Monique, I'm sure you hear this too, is that women often feel alone and disconnected. So we have to really understand that midlife is not just a challenge, it's also an opportunity. Because the challenge is that we often feel isolated as our bodies are changing and we are going through emotional upheaval, but this is a time to also step back and realign your priorities. That's the that's the beauty of this time of life, is we get to kind of redefine what is important for us and every single woman, there is a connection here. There's a chance to build community around the fact that we often, or almost all of us, feel disconnected. Alone at this time of life. So Monique and I really try and hone in on the fact that there's an opportunity to really rediscover yourself at this time of life. It's not just about physical change, that mental and emotional transition that we go through. We're all going through it, if we're lucky to live this long enough to get to this place in our time. A lot of us are asking, what's next for me? What do I want from the next chapter of life? And then, how do we get our bodies to get in line to take us there? And that's where Monique and I come into play.

Monique Willingham: 10:37

Yes, yes. So a lot of women are, you know, when hormones start to change, meaning they are literally like a roller coaster, or they're just going down. Our emotional and mental well being definitely changes. And a lot of women will come in and say, you know, I used to not be this way. I used to be happy, or I used to be more peppy, or I had a little more, you know, I was smiling all the time, and now I just feel so exhausted and tired, and I don't feel like me. And so it's really kind of looking into digging deep of, you know, what are your expectations? How do you want to show up that for the day or for the week? You know? How do you perceive yourself? And then let's work together on figuring out how to make that happen for you. Yeah,

Sara Poldmae: 11:24

so again, we're coming at it from perspective. We want you to be more comfortable. We want to get rid of your symptoms, so that's definitely a part of our treatment plan, right? We don't want you to suffer, but often we challenge you to look at what does true wellness look like for you next week, next month, next year, and maybe the next five or 10 years, because your goals may be different if you look at the more long term, like I know I've been really focused on my physical fitness because I want to be able to play with my grandkids, if I'm lucky enough to One day have them. So it's really about, you know, redefining what brings you joy, what true wellness looks like, and and possibly even challenge you to reclaim a sense of purpose. Because, again, this is an opportunity for us to say that maybe some of the things that were really important for us 10 years ago are no longer important for us, and that can mean developing more boundaries in relationships or or challenging your relationships to make them deeper and more connected, because the superficial stuff doesn't work for us anymore. So really stepping back from your roles and saying, What makes me happy, what makes me feel fulfilled, and what does what level of energy do I want each day? Do I want to feel really rested when I wake up? What are, what are your goals from a broader sense, for not just today, but long term? Do you agree

Monique Willingham: 12:53

I agree that was good preach. Yes. I was like listening and absorbing it. All right?

Sara Poldmae: 13:03

So I feel like it takes a lot of courage to prioritize ourselves, right? It takes a lot of bravery to be like, Yeah, I'm not doing that if you don't want to do it, right? And

Monique Willingham: 13:12

I think as women, for some reason, we have this guilt, like, if we say, No, I can't do that, or No, I can't help with this, it's like you feel so terrible they have said the word no, but you know, my husband doesn't feel bad when he says no, or it's just a whole different thing. So I think that as we are learning more about ourselves, about what fills our cups, about what our priorities and what's important to us, it helps build that confidence to say, You know what, it's not going to serve me to go to this event because I'm you know, there's more other priorities, or this event isn't going to keep me at my highest level. So you know it's okay to say, No, it's okay to prioritize what you think is important and not what the rest of the world thinks is important, and and keeping a sound circle of community and friends that really matter and actually bring you up and make you feel good.

Sara Poldmae: 14:14

Yeah. And, you know, I think again, we're we get so lost in like how our body is cooperating with us. And it used to be this way, and it used to be this way, well, we can't live in the past anymore. We've got to live in the future, and that means finding the right practitioners for you that will help you to feel good. And you know, I know a lot of you listeners are not here in Maryland. Monique and I both practice at the same clinic in Annapolis, Maryland, so we can't, we can't work with all of you, right? If you're out of state. We can't necessarily help you directly, but I can tell you, finding great integrative holistic practitioners could be a first step, but make sure they're there to treat not only your physical but also your emotional well being, because they're really not to. Is connected like you have to you have to feel empowered in order to make these lifestyle changes. And if everything's getting thrown at you and you don't know how to say no, it becomes nearly impossible to make some of the changes we're going to ask you to make. And you know, it takes willpower, it takes courage, it takes lots of different emotional alignment to make these changes. So if you're not undergoing acupuncture care, already find a practitioner of acupuncture, because acupuncture is such a beautiful medicine that really weaves in the emotional and spiritual components of well being. So if you are lacking courage, acupuncture can actually help you to to kind of boost your confidence. Acupuncture can also help you with stamina, with consistency, because all of those are related to different meridians, and that could be a whole nother topic. Perhaps I'll ask one of the acupuncturists from the clinic to come on the show and talk about the emotional components of dis ease. But we just wanted to kind of come on here and show you the more holistic view of how we treat women in our clinic, to perhaps give you some food for thought as to what to look for in a provider. If this resonates with you

Monique Willingham: 16:16

100% and just knowing that you know you're in charge of your health, and when you feel like something is off, you're probably right, and finding that prac to help guide you through this journey is definitely important, and letting yourself know that it's okay to have your boundaries and feel good about whatever you're deciding the next chapter is for you, I love that You get to decide

Sara Poldmae: 16:40

what your next chapter is. Thank you, Monique, for being on the show. To all my listeners. I've got two things to say. First of all, you will notice a name change. We are going from midlife, rise and thrive to menopause, rise and thrive. So just kind of file that away for yourself, in case you're looking for the show again and you can't find it. But then also, if you go to rising womanproject.com that's www rising womanproject.com you will find a guide on there, a resource for you for some things that you can take action on right now, to go from feeling exhausted to empowered, because, again, in natural medicine, just getting you to status quo is not good enough. We want you to rise. We want you to thrive. We want you to feel amazing. So with that, we'll leave you, but have an amazing day, and we'll talk soon. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the midlife rise and thrive. Podcast, if you are enjoying what you hear each week, be sure to follow the show and leave a rating and review, letting me know what you think I would love to hear from you see you later. Foreign.