119. The Power of No: How Letting Go Leads to a Life You Love

Are You Saying "Yes" When You Really Want to Say "No"? If your calendar is packed, your energy is drained, and you're constantly “should-ing” yourself through the week, you’re not alone. In this short but powerful episode, I’m talking about one of the most freeing things you can do in midlife: say no.

This isn’t just about boundaries—it’s about reclaiming your joy, your time, and your health. Saying no is the first step toward letting go of what no longer serves you… and making space for what does.

Whether you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck in old patterns, or just craving a little more peace, this episode is your permission slip to release the stressors and tune into what really matters.

In this episode:

• Why midlife is the perfect time to let go of what no longer serves you
• How saying "no" helps prevent burnout, overwhelm, and hormone imbalance
• The surprising connection between chronic stress and your inbox, your friendships, and your to-do list
• A simple journaling practice to identify what’s draining you
• The real meaning of mindfulness—and how it helps you move through change
• How to start making decisions from a place of clarity instead of autopilot
• Why support (and sometimes counseling) can help you reframe your life in a powerful way

Connect with me, Dr. Sara Poldmae:

Website: https://risingwomanproject.com

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/drsarapoldmae

Transcript

Sara Poldmae: 0:01

Sarah, welcome to menopause. Rise and thrive. I am Dr. Sarah pulled me and this podcast is your go to guide for navigating perimenopause and menopause. If you are feeling a little overwhelmed, trust me, you are in great company. Each week, I'll bring you expert advice, raw, honest conversations and simple tips to help you stay grounded and maybe even find some humor in the process. Let's rise thrive and tackle this wild ride together. Hello ladies, welcome back to midlife. Rise and thrive. I am super excited to be here today, and thought I'd just pop on for a quick episode about letting go and how sometimes you need to basically say no in order to let go of the things that are not a hell yes and begin living the life that you love. Women have so many roles in life, and we talk about this again and again, but during this stage in life, we often find ourselves holding on to things that no longer serve us, and that can be anything from relationships to careers or even outdated beliefs about ourselves. We've touched on this in so many different episodes, but this time, I'm just going to go into it. How do we let go? And why is it important that we let go? Because I think it's not as simple as knowing that we should let go of things that don't serve us, but I think we need to understand the why, and let's start by acknowledging that it's not always easy to let go. It can feel like we are losing a part of ourselves, especially I know recently, I had a friendship fall apart, and it really felt like I had lost part of myself by losing this this woman that I had held so dearly for so long. So letting go isn't always easy, but if we can talk about why it's so important to let go, I think that that will that will help us all in midlife to really see why we need to do it so clinging to parts of ourselves or people in our lives, or hobbies that maybe don't fulfill us anymore, or careers clinging to these what are essentially stressors in our lives, things that cause us stress, whether it's major stress, like a truly toxic friendship, or minor stresses, just because whatever you're saying yes to isn't truly filling your bucket, and therefore you feel a sense of overwhelm, like you don't have enough time to do the things that are important to you. These stressors can lead to burnout, to anxiety, disrupted sleep if you're trying to pack too many things in. All of this is this. This is stuff I see clinically every day, right? Like we're too busy, we're rushed. We don't open emails because we've got too many emails in our inbox. We're subscribed to too many lists, so we don't even pay attention to the emails that maybe we need to pay attention to. If we're juggling too many roles, responsibilities, relationships that have run their course, it's really hard to to carve out those times to not only do things that bring us joy, but also to relax and to recharge. So so often we're running to social events that maybe we don't even truly want to be there, but we're running, running, running, and then we don't get the chance to sleep in for a little while in the mornings, when we really crave to because we have too many things on our list to do. We have to go food shopping, sort our laundry, yada, yada, yada. So how do we begin this process, I always want to give actionable strategies, and sometimes that's easier in some episodes than others, but I just want to break down a couple of steps that I think may help if you're finding that you're overwhelmed and you know that you're living life kind of moment by moment, on autopilot, doing the things that you should, shoulding all over yourself. I think that the first thing that we can do, and I've I've mentioned this on other episodes, but I think it's so important, is to reflect and acknowledge where you are and what you may need to let go of. Sometimes this is as simple as creating a list, or sometimes it's journaling about your day. What did you enjoy? What didn't you enjoy? Because, again, there's so many opportunities out there for us, like life can carry us away, and so things that feel good, you know, the first couple of times that we do them, like a hobby or. Or, you know, friendships that we have may feel good in the beginning, but if we reflect and acknowledge what they feel like in this current moment, we can make a better decision as to whether we want to carry forward with that stuff, right? And so if you reflect on a job and say, Oh, I can make it through another year. It's not whether you can, you definitely can, or most likely can, unless you hit the stage of burnout where you literally collapse, but it's do you want to? And sure, there are things that get in the way of just quitting a job if you don't like it. We have bills, we have responsibilities and all of that. But I think if we get a more clear picture of how this job serves us, maybe again, making that list the finances and the benefits and all of that, and the making the list of the ways that it doesn't serve us, we can get a clear picture. We can decide how to take action, and sometimes maybe it's not leaving the job, sometimes it's looking at the things that really bother us about the job and seeing what impact we can play on those parts of the job that we're in. Sometimes it could be a relationship that feels one sided, and if we make a list of examples and things like that, we can get really clear on why the relationship may or may not be serving us anymore, and again, take action, and that that action may be having a more authentic conversation with the person that you're having the relationship with, whether it be a spouse or a friend or a family member, and just coming to the table instead of with hurt more with This is what I would really need from this relationship for to feel good to me again. You know, again, if we, if we create clarity around the things that maybe feel like they're still maybe like they maybe serve us in one way, maybe serve us in another way, we'll be able to let go feeling a little bit better about it, or let go of what that thing or that relationship used to be, and create a beautiful new relationship with the same person. This, this act of gaining clarity and acknowledgement of where you are current day can be super healing. So I think that's truly the first step before we rush to say I'm going to stop doing this, or I'm going to stop seeing that person, because we're in a state of overwhelm, or we really want to grow in this process, the first step is to step back and look at it almost as an outsider, and say, what is it about each of these things? But again, that's why this letting go process maybe is so important, because if we aren't allowing ourselves enough space to even reflect and gain clarity on things. How are we supposed to decide what to give up? Mindfulness is another step in the process where you can actually stay present and reduce anxiety about what your future may look like. And I think that's really important, because sometimes when we're trying to let go of things, we worry about what it would be like without those things, or without those people, but being mindful and acknowledging your current state of being and allowing that to pass through you with things like meditation or deep breathing that can really center you and allow you to face the fears that you may have about letting go, because it can be scary to change things up. And you know, us humans like to keep things status quo. A lot of us don't think that we're creatures of habit, but indeed we are. But remember, every time that you say yes to something you are inherently saying no to something else. Let me repeat that, because it's something that I've carried with me for quite a few years, since the first time that I heard that phrase. Every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. And it may be that you need to say yes or or want to say yes to that one thing, but what are you giving up when you do say yes? I think that's a really mindful way of looking at our lives and how we want to create this next chapter. Again, going back to what I see in clinic a lot of women, you know, we serve others, and we don't always serve ourselves, and sometimes we believe that we're serving ourselves, but if we look back on the hobby that we're doing or the friendship that we're keeping, I see in clinic that so many people are so many women especially, are rushed and overwhelmed and again, are on autopilot, and that can create a lot of stress, and then we end up doing things like stress hormone panels and neurotransmitter profiles and all sorts of functional lab testing, deep diving. And I think that all those tools are super useful, that's why I use them in clinic. But we also need to use. The tool of self reflection and mindfulness in order to say, hey, how do I break the stress cycle? Is it by finding more joy in my life? Is it by finding more rest in my life? Both of those require you to say no to something that you're currently doing in order to seek that rest or that joy so it can really play out in your health and is an important thing to look at so you don't have to go through this alone. There are so many ways that you can navigate through this, and sometimes it's reaching out to friends and asking their shared experience or advice on what they think about how you're spending your days or your relationships. But my mother once said to me, and I've probably mentioned this on the podcast, some of her best friends who are amazing, amazing women, some of her best friends gave her the worst advice. And I do feel like looking back on some of the advice I've gotten and certainly have given may not have been the best advice. I mean, we try right our intentions are, are all well and good most of the time, but you know, maybe a support group or a counselor could help you to navigate through it, doesn't? You know, counseling does not have to be all about inner child, work or trauma. I think if there, there is trauma, it definitely needs to be dealt with, but sometimes counseling or even a life coach can help you to take what may feel a little blessed, not horrible, just bless or stressful, and and reframe your thoughts enough so that you can choose things that bring you more peace, joy, energy and all of that. So letting go is not just about loss. It's about making space for new experiences, new relationships. It can really be a beautiful thing, and midlife is just such the perfect time to embrace that, because we're often becoming more reflective, even if that's not comfortable creating room for rest and relaxation and joy, it can take some work. Can take some inner work, and each person is going to need, each woman is going to need a different form of support going through this, and sometimes that support just means allowing yourself to Unschedule some of your days that normally would be super scheduled. Some women may find community helps them the most, find what works for you, so that you don't end up in my office getting stress hormone panels, neurotransmitter tests, you know, all of that stuff that I love to do because it can lead to clinical results. But definitely, let's start with, are you living the life that you ought to live? So quick episode, I just had that on my mind. I wanted to share it with you. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you found value in this episode, I would love for you to share it with someone who might need a little encouragement on their journey. Share it with someone that maybe you want to pick their brains about. The idea of letting go intentional conversation amongst friends is always such a beautiful thing, until next time, keep growing and embracing change and again, every time you say yes to something you're saying no to something else. So maybe being just a little bit more mindful about how we fill our calendar, who we fill our calendar with and all of that good stuff. All right, I'll talk to you next week. You

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