126. Finding Joy in Midlife

Can chronic stress trigger perimenopause symptoms? Angie Hawkins says yes—and she’s lived it. If you’ve ever felt like the stress of holding everything together might actually be breaking your body down, this episode is going to feel like a breath of fresh air. I’m joined by Angie Hawkins—Inner Glow Coach, author, and fierce advocate for authentic self-love—to talk about the profound connection between stress, emotional suppression, and perimenopause.

Angie vulnerably shares her personal journey from emotional rock bottom to healing—from pushing herself to prove her worth, to quitting a toxic job and watching her perimenopause symptoms vanish within weeks. Together, we explore what it really means to listen to your body, honor your emotional needs, and rediscover joy in midlife.

Whether you're feeling disconnected, burned out, or just a little unsure of what brings you joy anymore—this conversation will meet you where you are.

In this episode:

·         Angie’s story of stress-induced burnout, Hashimoto’s, and early perimenopause symptoms

·         How unresolved emotional trauma can manifest in the body

·         The surprising disappearance of her perimenopause symptoms after quitting her job

·         Why many midlife women can’t answer the question, “What brings you joy?”

·         How play, mindfulness, and wonder are powerful antidotes to chronic stress

·         The truth about spiritual healing modalities—not every tool is for everyone

·         How Angie helps women stop chasing love and start glowing from within

Resources Mentioned:

·         FREE Inner Glow Guide: Start your journey from not-enough to radiant confidence
Download here

·         Running in Slippers – Angie’s powerful memoir on emotional healing and self-love
Get the book

·         Website: https://www.runninginslippers.com

·         Instagram: @angiehawkins808

Connect with me, Dr. Sara Poldmae:

Website: https://risingwomanproject.com

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/drsarapoldmae

Transcript

Sara Poldmae: 0:01

Sarah, welcome to menopause. Rise and thrive. I am Dr Sarah poldme, and this podcast is your go to guide for navigating perimenopause and menopause. If you are feeling a little overwhelmed, trust me, you are in great company. Each week, I'll bring you expert advice, raw, honest conversations and simple tips to help you stay grounded and maybe even find some humor in the process. Let's rise, thrive and tackle this wild ride together. Hello, ladies, so nice to be back here today. I am chatting with Angie Hawkins, who is an inner glow coach, she helps to transform high achieving, spiritual women from chasing love and approval to radiating fierce confidence so they can finally feel happy, free and loved for who they are. Today, we're going to talk a bit about stress and perimenopause. Angie, welcome to the show. Hi, Sarah. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. So tell us just a little bit about yourself and why you want to talk about stress and perimenopause.

Angie Hawkins: 1:07

Yes, so I, I'll take the longer version, but it's intentional, because I have a personal experience with the correlation between stress and perimenopause. So it's all related. But basically, as a child in my home, my both of my parents were very emotionally unavailable, and as an adult, I understand what that means, but as a child, I didn't have the tools to interpret the situation, so I developed a belief at a very early age that I didn't deserve to be loved. And as you're probably aware, your beliefs dictate your behaviors, which dictate your experiences in life. So needless to say, I struggled for a very long time in life because I was a people pleaser. I was an overachiever. I was a perfectionist because I believed that I needed all of these things outside of myself to prove my worth, which, again, needless to say, is very exhausting, and I never really felt happy and fulfilled. It was like I was always chasing something, and it was always just out of my reach. And where things started pivoting was in 2017 my boyfriend broke up with me, and then my dad passed away. So not only did I have and I was 37 at the time, so I had 37 years worth of chronic stress that was self imposed, mostly from this overachieving and chasing, but now all of a sudden, I had this really acute stress from grieving two really hard things at the same time, especially since, again, I was 37 but I had spent 37 years running away from my feelings and not feeling them, and now I was in the situation where it was impossible not to feel my feelings, and I did not have the tools To handle that, so I wasn't coping very well. And that was the beginning of 2017 and later that year, I was diagnosed with Hashimotos, which basically means that my own body was attacking my thyroid, which in hindsight, makes total sense, because I basically was treating myself in unloving ways. And so then my body started acting accordingly. And then also later that year, I started having perimenopause symptoms, which, like, for instance, like the some of the most immediate things were, like my period started drying up, like I was getting hot flashes, the insomnia. It like it wasn't big things, but it was enough that I was like, This doesn't seem right, because 37 felt young, and so when I brought it up to my doctor, you know, of course, a lot of traditional Western doctors are like that. They don't offer a lot of help unless you're in have cancer or something serious. So it was basically like, this is normal. You just have to deal with it. And so again, I was just at a point in my life where I didn't know how to handle my stress and my feelings. So the chronic stress continued for many years, and there's so much more involved in this story, so I won't get into it, but it was I moved from Chicago to Hawaii. I had major job stress. You know, my grandma died. There was like years and years and years of just like things happening, and me not knowing how to cope with it, and then covid happened, which I don't think I have to explain how stressful that was. But then during covid, I had a total emotional breakdown, which actually led to a rock bottom moment where I was like, Okay, I need to do something about my mental health. So, and that's that was in 2020 so that was five years ago, and. Traditional therapy had never worked for me, so I actually hired a coach and invested in myself and started working on myself. So my mental health started improving, but my perimenopause symptoms, I felt like they were getting worse, because, again, I was still having my period, but it was like very dried blood type I was having, like, the hot flashes, the insomnia I was also getting, I don't think this is listed, like, if you were to Google perimenopause, I don't think this is listed as a major symptom, but I had this, and my doctor told me it was hormonally related, but I would get really bad stomach pain. So I think I was having gut issues, which also could be related to my Hashimotos. But again, the stress connection to all of this is super related. But anyway, during my healing journey, I was I worked in corporate America for over 20 years and but during my healing journey of my mental health, I realized how disconnected my authentic self was from corporate America, but I was so attached to the paycheck and the benefits and all of that stuff, so I was holding on for dear life, because I'm like, I'm not quitting my job. I'm not quitting my job. But then, you know, the universe sometimes forces us to do things we don't want to do. And I was transferred to this team, and my manager was basically a huge bully, which just totally increased my work stress. And I was in that position for six months before I finally decided that, you know, my mental health is more important to me than anything else. So I quit my job, and I am not even exaggerating, two weeks later, two weeks every single one of my perimenopause symptoms completely went away, like totally like, zero dried blood, no insomnia issues, nothing. And it was such a light bulb moment. And I don't even know if I have any solid advice, because I don't recommend people quit their job. I just that. Was just me. I felt like I had no other choice at that time. But it's it was really frustrating to realize that society doesn't hold space for women's health, and not only that, I don't feel like we have the tools to navigate a society that doesn't hold space for women's health, because we, in a way, we do have accountability over it, but it's hard, because we're always in a position where we have to, like, push and grind and survive. And how does that, you know, help us, or help us to figure this out? Yeah, 100%

Sara Poldmae: 7:41

although I think that there is awareness. I think things are changing. I think these types of conversations are super helpful, because by talking about things and helping women to acknowledge that they deserve more support, we can start to demand it, you know. And I think that when my mother went through menopause, it just wasn't talked about, right? And she wouldn't have even thought to seek or think about how the world would be supporting her. They kept it all inside. So the fact that we're asking questions about, hmm, is this right? Am I getting the amount of support that I deserve? I think is step. Even though it feels like a small step, I think it's a huge step, yeah, and I think will lead to change. I think things are changing, but they take generations.

Angie Hawkins: 8:25

Yes, yeah, you're right. I mean, just in general, we're talking more about things that we didn't used to talk about on a regular basis, which is so healthy, yeah,

Sara Poldmae: 8:35

for sure, for sure. So then tell me a little bit about your work. What you do? I know it's not exactly stress impaired menopause, but tell us a little bit more about how you coach people.

Angie Hawkins: 8:46

Yeah, it is related, though. So I coach high achieving women to stop chasing love and stop performing for approval so they can finally feel happy, confident and love for who they are. But that in itself, really helps with stress levels, because again, when you're constantly looking outside of yourself to prove your worth, it's exhausting. You never feel happy and fulfilled. And my coaching program, it's called shine from the inside. And the entire concept is based on the concept of we're all born with this light inside of us, but as we you know, kids are always like running around and screaming. They don't care what anyone thinks. But as we grow up and move about society, we're always told what we should be doing, what we shouldn't be doing, and we slowly start to dim our light, to conform into these systems outside of ourselves. So the whole concept, because I feel like a lot of self help is based on or it's marketed as fixing yourself or changing something about yourself, but really it's just about relighting that light and coming back home to yourself so that alone does a lot for your stress

Sara Poldmae: 9:57

levels. Yeah, I always. Counsel my patients, because in midlife, a lot of times, you know, when I ask the question to a midlife woman, what brings you joy, they don't know the answer to that. And that's

Angie Hawkins: 10:10

really, that's the first question I ask anybody on a call, and they have, yeah, they don't know. And that's like, oh, wow, yeah.

Sara Poldmae: 10:19

So I often challenge people with the homework of going home and journaling about what they remember in childhood that they loved when they were five or eight years old. Because, you know, that's before the world kind of started to taint us, before we got to the awareness that, like, our needs weren't being met, or what have you or, you know, before we started to see the, you know, maybe the cruelties of the world, so to speak, and we were still in this imaginary state where we could go out and play for hours without needing what we would consider these days stimulation, yeah, go out. Remember, I had like, a bug collecting club, right? And so if you told an eight year old these days to go out and collect bugs, we had this really cool patch of ivy that grew up around and created, like a tent. It was like a tent of ivy. And I could tell you, I've spent hundreds of hours in that tent when I was, you know, young, and we would just, we called it the bug collecting club. I don't, I mean, we definitely collected some bugs, but that wasn't like the only thing we did in that tent. In fact, when I get old, got older, I'm pretty sure we played truth and day or dare in that tent, yeah, but that's a whole nother story. But, you know, we could spend hours just chilling out in a tent of ivy, right? And that doesn't seem stimulating, but it is stimulating, yeah? You know, we've changed, like, what that means, because we haven't allowed ourselves lately to slow down and think, Wow, a tent full of ivy is pretty freaking cool. So when you think of it like, the homework is to, like, bring back what brought you joy when you were younger, and make a list of those things, and then kind of say, does that still seem cool to you? Because you can do that again. You can still play in mud. You can still, you know, look at plants and think they're really cool. But we've become so detached from what brought us joy, because of the traumas, because of our needs nothing, that we lose ourselves and we're the same as we were when we were little, like maybe more evolved in certain ways. But chances are what you liked at eight, you might still like now.

Angie Hawkins: 12:23

That is so true, and I guarantee this is your experience. Because again, if you ask someone, and they're like, I don't know what I enjoy, but if you ask them, Well, what did you like doing when you were six? Like, immediately, they're like, Oh, I love to paint, or I love to do this. And they remember immediately. And to your point, I was talking to a woman recently. She was like, Oh, I love to play on a playground. And it's like, you can still do that. Like, yeah, I sometimes when I go running, I pass this playground and I'll stop and do the monkey bars or the balance beam or something, just for fun, and then I'll continue on my run. So obviously you would never, like, kick kids off the playground so you can play. That doesn't mean you still can't play on a playground. Yeah, 100%

Sara Poldmae: 13:08

I think, like, when we're grown ups, we think, oh, you know, we don't want to get our shoes dirty. And it's so funny, because my daughter and I went to Costa Rica when she was I'm trying to think of what year it was. I'd like to say she was, like, 11 or 12, but my daughter's always had a thing for shoes. When she was little, even as a toddler, she, like, loved shoes, and then she continued to love them, and then started to, like, really obsess over whether her shoes were clean, like that, like, yeah. So we were in Costa Rica, and we were trekking to a waterfall, and it was so magical. But we had to trek through a field where there were cows and mud, know, whether it was mud or if it was, you know, yeah, cowboy, right? And it was a thing for my daughter to like, let go of the fact that her shoes were getting dirty and there was no way out of it, right? But, you know, it's so funny, because just remembering that moment and remembering her, like struggling between being a child and like not caring, and then caring, you know, just watching that transformation and like her kind of battling those two worlds was really interesting. And just myself, like trekking through a jungle, essentially, like, how does that feel to you? Like, what parts of it are you bringing in that are, like, I'm supposed to not get myself dirty? Versus, like, it's kind of fun to be caked in mud. There's actually healing properties to being caked in mud and just kind of playing with those ideas. And you know, there are some women in midlife that are like, absolutely freaking not. We're not playing in mud, and I'm not saying that that's not okay, yeah. What is your definition of play like? If it's not mud, if you want your play to be clean, that's fine too. Yeah. Does it look like like? What did you like as a kid that maybe didn't involve dirt?

Angie Hawkins: 14:57

And also, have you noticed a trend? I feel. Like, a lot of the things that get stifled as adults are our creative outlets. Do you notice?

Sara Poldmae: 15:05

Yeah, 100% and I remember, like, a couple years ago, I went to an intuitive and I was talking to her about just this thing, because I actually feel like my creative juices aren't flowing. And I don't know if that's actually true, or I did feel that way a couple years ago. I think that I had in my mind, and it was brought to light to me about a year ago when I talked to a play therapist. So this intuitive therapist had said you should paint. So I went and took a class. The class was horrible, and I was like, clearly I'm not supposed to paint, or this teacher really sucked. Yeah, I didn't know which it was, but I put it on the shelf. But then about a year ago, I talked to a play therapist, and she said to me, Well, what do you like to do for fun? I'm like, Well, I like doing new things. Like, I like to try different things. I'm very adventurous. Like, if you ask me to do something unless it's something related to heights, which I'm pretty scared of heights. If it has nothing to do with that, I'll try it. I'll play kickball, I'll go in the mud, I'll do whatever. And she's like, so maybe you don't need, like, a consistent hobby, like painting. Maybe you just need to do a lot of new shit.

Angie Hawkins: 16:14

Yeah, that makes sense, and be

Sara Poldmae: 16:16

an explorer. So maybe that is your hobby is exploring. And it really like, made me think, like, I think we think like our hobbies should be something or or need to be this, or need to be labeled in some way. And that's not really the truth to me. The truth is, if you have lost the answer to that question, then maybe our job in midlife, as we go through these transformations, is to just ask yourself that question, get into, you know, a quiet space and start journaling or try new things to see if you can reinvigorate that part of

Angie Hawkins: 16:56

yourself. Yeah, but I still think it's related to your childhood, because it's so funny when you were describing the ivy tent, because you originally said the bug collecting club, but then you were like, We didn't just do that, and you started just to describe the experience. And I always said, Well, I think what lit you up was the experience of the adventure. So, exactly. So I think the thing that lights you up is the exploring and adventure aspect of it, yeah, and

Sara Poldmae: 17:25

just the magicalness, like, how does it? How does Ivy form? Just this magical, yeah, that's so cool. So I love like, just seeing things that have happened, especially in nature, but also man made, just to be like, Wow. You know that me is, like, my passion, and I think finding things that make you get into that state of wonder that is less common in adulthood, but is so common in childhood, is where the use is. It's where the joy is right, where you can, like, kind of forget all of your troubles and just be in this mystical space of wonder, of joy, of play. And we lose that so often, especially women, for some reason.

Angie Hawkins: 18:11

Yeah, and have you noticed? Because I I'm not normally mindful. I have to intentionally say, like, Okay, I'm going for a mindful walk or something. But have you ever had the experience where you intentionally take a mindful walk and you even if it's like for me, sometimes it's just down the street that I live on that I've been down a gazillion times, but I'll see flowers I've never seen, I'll notice something I've never seen, and it's just so magical and wondrous. So I think another part of it is that we don't live in a mindful society, and we can get wrapped up in that, but even just being mindful creates a sense of adventure and something that's normally ordinary in our day.

Sara Poldmae: 18:52

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it's so funny that there's always an agenda when you're an adult. And when we got on the call, we said we're going to talk about stress and Mary menopause, and, you know, we could go back to that, and we will go back to that. Because I think what we're talking about, even though it may sound disconnected, I think if we go to the fact that we spend a lot of time circling back to stress, we spend a lot of time counseling women that in order to combat stress, they need to take on more jobs, like getting morning sunlight, regulating your circulating rhythm, practicing deep breathing, doing non sleep, deep breaths, yoga, Nidra, all of those things are beautiful, and I practice them regularly, and I love practicing them, but If they aren't getting you where you need to be, perhaps it's that you need to stoke that joy and that wonder and develop a sense of play. Because play, the play therapist I was referring to earlier said something really insightful, TJ Matten, I'd like to throw her name out there, and I'll get some links for the show notes. But. She said, You cannot be in a state of play and wonder and fun and joy and in a state of fear. So you cannot be in a state of fight and flight at the same time as when you're playing. So play is just as valid as meditation. It's just as valid all of those other

Angie Hawkins: 20:22

tools. And I love that you're pointing that this out, because I don't think all spiritual or healing modalities are meant for everyone, no. So it's like, find whatever works for you.

Sara Poldmae: 20:36

Yes, yeah. And that's such a beautiful part of working with different coaches is the ability to find the right coach for you. There's a ton of coaches out there. There's like so many that it's kind of mind boggling, really. And everybody has different credentials and some credentials, quote, unquote, meet more me more than others. Yeah. Same medicine, same as you know, functional medicine, providers like myself, Chinese medicine doctors, medical doctors, like we all have our trainings and our certifications and blah, blah, blah, but you've got to find the right doctor or coach for you. Yes, you have to find the people that you feel have your best needs in mind, but also that you feel a connection with, where you know that their dedication to their craft is going to get you where you need to be. And that can take some work. Yeah, some it can take some interviews. It could take working with one coach for a couple months and taking away a few tidbits. But they might not be someone you need to work with long term, like exactly for a season, or they can be with you long term. Each, each has value.

Angie Hawkins: 21:45

Yeah, yeah, I, I'm always the first to admit I'm not for everybody, and my coaching program is not for everybody, because I do offer. It's called a free glow up session, and I stress that the entire point of the call is to get you help. So we it's a 60 minute call, we'll work through whatever you're struggling with on that call. But if my program is not a good fit for you, I know other coaches. I have other resources. I'll recommend you to someone who is a good fit because, yeah, like, you need to find someone who speaks your language and understands what you need to get the results absolutely

Sara Poldmae: 22:24

well, this has been an amazing conversation. It took a few twists and turns, but I think that it's, I feel like it's information that's been on my mind here and there, that that you really drew out of me, and I would love for you to tell the audience just a little bit more about your work and how to get in touch with you, so that if any of this information resonated with them, they can reach out.

Angie Hawkins: 22:47

Yes. So my website is running and slippers.com which is also the name of my book. I am an author, and my book, it's a memoir that covers about a five year train wreck period of my life, and it's extremely vulnerable. The reason I wrote it that way is because I feel like what we see on social media is profoundly filtered and edited. And even in real life, we all walk around with our happy faces on, pretending everything's fine. So the entire goal of the book is connection through vulnerability. So if you're tired of all the filters and edit it. This is a real life story that you will probably find very relatable. And there is also information about my coaching program. Again, it's called shine from the inside. I help over achieving women stop chasing love and stop performing for approval so that they can finally come back to who they are. So again, it's called shine from the inside, because we just want to light you back up. And that is directly related to stress, because when you are in alignment with who you really are, you don't feel all the cognitive dissonance and resistance to the things that are going on around you. And again, I do offer a free 60 minute call. I call it a glow up session, and we can work through anything that you're struggling with, and at the end, I will give you recommendations. And again, I'm not a good fit for everyone. My coaching program isn't a good fit for anyone, everyone. So if it's not a good fit, I can definitely still help. Refer you to anyone else that can help you.

Sara Poldmae: 24:18

Amazing. I love the work that you're doing, Angie, it's been such a pleasure talking with you. Angie is actually in Hawaii, so the next time I'm out that way, I'm gonna have

Angie Hawkins: 24:30

to look you up. Yes, let me know. I would love that.

Sara Poldmae: 24:32

For sure, it was great chatting with you, Angie. Thank you so much. Thank you. You