140. Body Image - Coming Home to your body

This episode explores what it truly means to feel at home in your body—something many women realize they’ve rarely, if ever, experienced. I reflect on my own journey with body image, including how early influences shaped my perception and how those patterns carried into midlife and perimenopause.

We discuss the shift from viewing the body as something to evaluate or “fix” to approaching it with greater awareness, curiosity, and partnership. I also address the often unspoken sense of grief that can arise during this stage of life, and how it can coexist with appreciation for the body you have today. Throughout the episode, I offer simple, practical ways to begin rebuilding a more supportive and connected relationship with your body.

In this episode:

[00:01] – Opening the conversation and asking: when did you last feel truly at home in your body?

[02:00] – Sharing my personal history with body image and early conditioning 

[05:30] – Why midlife changes can intensify body criticism—and how to start reframing it

[07:15] – Moving from “what’s wrong with me?” to “what does my body need?”

[10:01] – Making space for grief around your younger body while still moving forward

[12:30] – How joy and play help you step out of body monitoring and back into living

[14:45] – Three simple invitations to begin rebuilding your relationship with your body 

Connect with me, Dr. Sara Poldmae:

Website: https://risingwomanproject.com

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/drsarapoldmae

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with someone who needs to hear it. Don’t forget to follow, rate, and leave a review—it helps more women find this space so we can all rise and thrive together

Transcript

sara poldmae: 0:01

Sarah, welcome to menopause. Rise and thrive. I am Dr Sarah pulled May, and this podcast is your go to guide for navigating perimenopause and menopause. If you are feeling a little overwhelmed, trust me, you are in great company. Each week, I'll bring you expert advice, raw, honest conversations and simple tips to help you stay grounded and maybe even find some humor in the process. Let's rise, thrive and tackle this wild ride together. Hey, ladies, I am so glad you're here. Welcome back to menopause. Rise and thrive, and today, I'm really excited for a pretty juicy episode. It's been on my mind a lot lately. And before we start, I want to ask you something right now that I'd like for you to sit with for a second before we go any further, the question I want to ask is, when was the last time you felt genuinely at home in your body, that's a big one, right? So when I say genuinely at home, I do not mean that you've come to peace with what it looks like, that you're resigned to your body, that you are just tolerating it. I mean actually at home, present, comfortable, like you and your body are on the same team. You're super happy with it all that, right? So that's a tough one. It's a tough one for a lot of women. And if you had to think about it for a while, if that answer didn't come to you immediately that you felt at home with your body. That answer matters, that that pause matters, because what I want to explore with you today is exactly that what it looks and feels like to build a new relationship with your body, the body that you have right now, not the body that you had at 13 or 35 or the body that you hope to have after that next program or that next protocol, but the body that you have today this one, and I want to be honest with you, because this is personal for me. If you look at my Instagram page at Dr Sarah pull May, D, R, S, A, R, A, P, o, l, D, M, A, E, and I hope you give it a follow. You'll see that I don't share a ton of like, really deep personal information, at least not right now. I've never been super comfortable with social media being somewhere to kind of pour my heart out, but I made a post in my bathing suit a few weeks or maybe a month ago, and it went viral. And what I talked about in that post, and I ended up getting a ton of messaging from people, what I talked about was that I've had body images for most of my life, body image issues, I should say. And one of my clearest childhood memories surrounding this is sitting with my grandmother, and she actually poked me in the thigh and told me I needed to watch out. I needed to watch my weight, because I could become hippie. And she pointed at an area of my thigh that was a little bit more fleshy, and I was eight years old. I don't really curse that much on my podcast, but fuck that shit. How could someone that loved me dearly, she wasn't trying to hurt me, she was trying to do me a service, because she was just repeating what she had been taught. And our culture has been doing this to women for generations. So fuck that shit, because there's been this internal surveillance system that's been plugged in and and taught to us for generations about how we should look, what our body should look like, and that we shouldn't be comfortable if we're carrying a few extra pounds or what have you. And I just, I can't, I really can't get over it. So this is one of my clearest memories. But clearly my body image issues weren't just from one thing that my grandmother said, right? I mean, again, this is like all around us, my friends and my patients, all women, spend a lot of time thinking about what their bodies look like, myself included, and I can't think of the number of times I have been in a bathing suit and not really been comfortable in my surroundings in a bathing suit, and that just sucks, because so many times we're just having a good time with our family, and All of a sudden we feel ashamed. So I carried all of that into my teens, into my 20s, into my 30s, and then later into the beginning of perimenopause, and I feel like I'm just starting to be at peace with my body and what it can do for me. I've been super, super. Active, and I finally feel like my body doesn't cause me to be fatigued. I don't feel puffy or inflamed. And a lot of that has to do with me seeking functional medicine combined with Western medicine, to really feel like I'm in a good place. And a lot of it has nothing to do with what I look like. It's more just that I feel good, like I feel empowered and strong. But you know, it wasn't an easy road. So the question I find myself sitting with was, How did I end up feeling better about how I look and I feel like it's bigger than that, and I feel like it's not over. My story is not over. I feel better than I've ever felt in my body for as long as I remember. I feel better in my body right now than I did when I was 22 when I was probably the perfect body according to society, right? I was, like, lean and curvy at the same time. And you know, if I look at pictures, I'm like, oh gosh, like, I would have nothing to complain about, but I was not comfortable in my own skin. So that's what today is about. Is really the reframe, right? So asking ourselves, when was the last time that we felt at home in our bodies, and then taking that information and trying to be a little bit more curious with it, because when I asked myself that I can say, now, now I feel at home. I feel more than just at peace. I feel empowered, but I can honestly say that I don't remember before this period of my life feeling that way ever, and I'm angry about that. I'm angry about that for myself and for the women that I'm in contact with. So one of the most useful shifts that I have made, and honestly, it's still a practice. It's it's not necessarily perfection at this point, is really moving from thinking about my body as something that I have to relating it to something that I am. My body and my mind are not separate. And when you treat your body as an object that's like separated from who you are, it's really natural to go ahead and start evaluating it, grading it approving or disapproving. And in midlife, what with so much happening, the weight distribution, changing, your energy levels, the skin, the sleep, all of the things changing, we start to have even more self criticism and evaluation sometimes. And you can really get very much in your head and the criticisms and the and the complaints about your body can get really loud, but when you feel that your body is is, is like your partner, and it can take you places, and it's not separate. Mind and body are not separate. If you're in relationship with your body, it becomes a different set of questions. Instead of asking myself lately, like, what's wrong with me, I can start asking, What does my body need and what is my body trying to tell me? And I think that those are really valuable questions to ask, and what would actually feel good in my body right now, because when you start asking those questions, you can take action in ways that serve not only your body but your mind, your midlife brain, your midlife body, your midlife emotions. They all work together. So I find myself in clinic counseling women on things like blood sugar balancing. So one of the best things you can do for your health is get a hold of your blood sugars, because your blood sugars are involved with your sex hormones, your blood sugar is involved with your cognition. Your blood sugars are involved with so much and so by regulating your blood sugars, your body is going to feel better, your mind is going to feel better, and just starting to see the connections of like, what does my body need? Is actually like, what do you need? So starting to see those connections are so valuable. Your body in perimenopause and menopause is doing so much extraordinary work. The hormone recalibration is really big, and it touches like, every single part of your system, your hormones are connected to your brain, your bones, your cardiovascular system, your metabolism, your nervous system, and the changes you are experiencing are not signs of failure. They are signs of your body in a deep state of transition. So instead of focusing so much on how does your body look and what can you do to change it? By asking yourself or noticing the ways that your body is actually fighting for you, even when it doesn't feel like it, could really flip the script. So. What would it mean to meet your body with a little bit more partnership, with a little more understanding and a little less like how do I get my body to behave? Does that make sense? I want to pause here and acknowledge something, because I think skipping over it would be dishonest building a new relationship with your body does not mean that you can't also mourn your old body. Those two things can exist at the same time. There is a real loss in this season, a loss of how things used to feel, a loss of a sense of ease, a loss of a version of yourself that you experienced without having to think about it, and that loss deserves to be named, not necessarily like with big drama, but at least named. There is a grief there. So have you stood in the mirror recently? We asked this question and felt that something wasn't just disappointment, but more like grief. Looking in the mirror in midlife and experiencing grief can be real. I know I often feel a sense of loss, because the way that I treated my body in my 20s is very, very, very far from the holistic, healthy lifestyle that I lead today. I mean, it's like night and day. I could tell you stories that could be another podcast, but looking in the mirror, you can grieve your 20s without necessarily needing to be back in your 20s. You can acknowledge that that grief is real, that it's valid, and you don't have to pretend that it isn't there in order to move forward. You can grieve something, but then still be very grateful for the body that you have today. So we can name it, we can honor it, and then let's talk about what's possible going from here. Okay, because we don't want to stay too far down that rabbit hole. When you're genuinely joyful, it's really hard to hate your body. So one thing that I challenge women that are really struggling with body image issues. To do is to find more joy and more play, because when you're laughing hysterically or when you're really involved in learning something new, it's really hard to think about your body. I have been surfing on and off very infrequently for years and years, and surfing brings me a great amount of joy. And I can tell you that even in the days when I was really struggling with body image issues, when I was on a surfboard, I did not care what I looked like in my bathing suit, because I was more focused on getting the wave. And I suck really hard at surfing. I mean, I am, like, not any good, because I get to go, like a couple times a year at the absolute most, but I do know that anything that brings me enough joy to allow me to let go is worth doing. So I share that with you, and I share that with my patients, because I think that if you are riding a bike or dancing with your friends or cooking a beautiful meal in the kitchen with your husband, or hiking somewhere beautiful, you can let go of those body image issues easier. So perhaps by getting into that joyful state more you can care about your body less. It's a process like I'm a little pissed, and you can tell because I was cursing earlier and I'm cursing again, but I'm a little pissed that it took me until my 50s to really let go of some of this. So in these moments when you're feeling joy, you can't also be scanning your body for flaws you can't think about your thighs or your arms or your stomach in those moments, so finding more of those moments could be the first step for you when you're fully in your body in those joyful moments, your body and your Brain are so connected that you can't like, isolate them, and then your body can't say, how is my brain feeling, and your brain can't say, What is my body looking like. So we've spent so much of our energy trying to think our way into body acceptance, but sometimes it's more about feeling into that body acceptance. Those things have value, those ways to think your body image issues away. So, yes, meditation, mindset, gratitude, all of that, I'm not going to say not to do that. Those things all have value. I'm not dismissing all of those Mind Body practices, but I. I think experiences, and experiential ways to think yourself out of body, or to be yourself out of body image issues could be even more valuable. So here's how we start to build this. I have three simple invitations for you. They're not rules, they're not a program, but just places to begin the next time that you catch yourself grading your body in the mirror in a photo getting dressed, try swapping out the questions instead of Ugh, or look at that instead ask, What does my body need right now? Or how am I and how is my body doing today? It sounds small, but it isn't. So maybe the next time you're looking at your body in the mirror and you're judging, be like, am I thirsty, or do I need to eat something, or just, would my body feel and look better right now if I was moving and maybe do a little dance, do something to get yourself into the frame of mind, of like, how can I serve my body instead of, what does my body look like? So that's step number one, instead of evaluating just being curious and asking. Step two is, notice the surveillance. So catch that judgment as it's happening, the body checking in the mirror, the comparison to an old photo, the critical stuff. You say to yourself, you don't have to fix it, just notice it. Bring it to light. Bring awareness to the fact that you're doing that, and that can really begin to start the shift as well. And then I'm circling back to Step number three, which is find your your version of surfing. Just because surfing is something I love and I find myself in a super joyful state may not be your version. So find your version of surfing. What is the thing that pulls you completely into your body in the best possible way? Is it swimming, walking, dancing, gardening. I don't care what it is. Whatever it is for you do it this week. I'm going to challenge you today. When this episode airs, it'll be Thursday. So I challenge you, by the following Thursday to try to find a couple things where you just really feel good in your body, and do them. You don't have to love your body every day. You just have to be willing to stay in more of a relationship with it. So again, this is personal for me, because I feel like I've spent so much time not appreciating my body. I have spent so much time in judgment or worrying about how I look, and I am really grateful to say that I spend less of my time these days doing that, but it's still there, and it makes me angry for all of the women that have come before us, and hopefully not too many that come after us, because I feel like I'm seeing glimpses from my daughter's friends that they're a little bit more body accepting than we were. But we don't know what's going on behind the scenes. We don't know which women, which of these young women, middle aged women. We don't know who's faking it, right? We don't know what's going on behind the smile. So be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with other women. I know I'm still a work in progress. I'm grateful that that I am more at home in my body than I've ever been, but I'm also mad that it's taken me this long. So thank you so much for spending the time with me today. I know this podcast isn't always about the most fun things, but I hope I bring a little bit of fun into it. If you ever do want to go surfing and want to reach out to me and ask about some great places I've been with super easy waves where you can go and forget about all the things, please reach out and remember your body is not a separate thing. It's you, right? So develop the relationship. All relationships can heal and grow. So I can promise you that there are resources out there to help you if you're really struggling, I can promise you that it can get better than it's ever been, because I really think I was as hard on myself and my body is just about any woman out there, but this is the perfect time to start creating that better relationship with your body, especially now, right? I think about that little eight year old girl a lot who got that message that she wasn't enough. That should never have been a part of my life, right? But it affected me dearly, and the messaging kept coming from the magazines to all. All of the crap that we see online, and I think about how many of us are still somewhere inside, living by rules that were handed to us before we were even old enough to question them. And what if we just decided to write some new rules right starting with this, the body that you have right now is not your enemy. It's your best friend. She is not a project. She is your partner, and she has been showing up for you every single day through everything. So less monitoring, more surfing. That's where we're headed, right? I'll see you next week. Actually, I'll see you the week after next, since I was honoring slowing down, and until then, I want you to Practice what it means to really rise and thrive. You