Deep hurt in Fadrick's early life led him into years of deep anger and destructive behavior, but God had other plans for Fadrick, plans of redemption and plans of purpose. Fadrick opens up and shares his deep pain, his destructive behavior, and his eventual surrender to the Lord. This is an episdode full of powerful truths and lessons for us all to learn.
Deep hurt in Fadrick's early life led him into years of deep anger and destructive behavior, but God had other plans for Fadrick, plans of redemption and plans of purpose. Fadrick opens up and shares his deep pain, his destructive behavior, and his eventual surrender to the Lord. This is an episdode full of powerful truths and lessons for us all to learn.
Even from the choices I made, God was able to just turn that thing around. Yeah. I felt that I don't even deserve to be where I'm at. How many times I turned my back on God and how many times did I lie and how many times did you know, I wasn't honest, with myself. He already know the truth. You know what I'm saying? He already knew what's going on with me. He just needed me to talk to him.
Phil Shuler:HellO, and welcome to Renew, Restore, Rejoice, the Safe House Ministries podcast, where we share stories of the power of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. Safe House Ministries is based out of Columbus, Georgia, and we are a ministry that exists to love and serve people who have been affected by addiction, homelessness, and incarceration. I'm your host, Phil Shuler, the Director of Development for Safe House Ministries here in Columbus, Georgia. Safe House serves over 1, 100 people each month as they transition back into our community. Safe House provides an abundance of services including 213 beds for homeless individuals and families, case management for obtaining job skills and long term employment. Over 300 hot meals every day, free clothing, and so much more. One of the most incredible services that Safe House provides is our free 9 12 month intensive outpatient substance abuse program, which is state licensed, CARF accredited, and has no wait list. Almost 100 percent of individuals staying in our shelters who follow our three phase program become fully employed within a few months. And 68 percent of individuals who stay at least one night with us End up finding work and moving into their own home. Thank you for being with us today and listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Phil:Fadrick, to start out with, I would love to ask you, If you had to think about one word that might best describe you, What would that word be? Passionate today. Passionate? Awesome. So what makes you say passionate? I have a love for not only for people. I love for myself that I had to learn and it wasn't easy. I'm going through hardships in life, making bad decisions and I had a lot of anger built up, and once I got delivered from that anger, I began to love other people and learning how to love other people do love myself first and then I begin to learn how to love other people and treat them with respect and kindness, and have compassion for them, and and have self compassion for myself at the same time. And it just, it made me grow into a human being. And I'm still not a grown man, but I'm growing, yeah. Awesome. Awesome. And the way you say your name is Phaedric? Phaedric. Phaedric. Awesome. Phaedric, would you just take us out from the beginning and just share where'd you grow up and what it was like growing up? Yeah, so I'm 47 years old. I'm from Roma, Georgia. I grew up in Cartersville. In my early years, I was shy, I liked school a lot, I was raised in a two parent home, my mother and father that was together at the time and things went on between them, did, I didn't understand at a young age, as I grew up. I grew up without a father, so it made it a little kind of, so they split at some point then. Yeah. And it made it a little uneasy. And um, you know, seeing my mama dealing with certain kinds of pains and, things that I really didn't understand as a child growing up I was always around other kids, but I was shy, but I was always curious, when I'm, doing things that a little boy do, but I just had some some hardships, dealing with myself and not really knowing who I was, my mother wasn't around all the time, but when she was around, she did show me at the time it was just me and cause she had another son, which is my brother, years later Once I knew that she was having a baby and it was going to be another male, I was excited about that, I always loved my mama and I know she always loved me, and I grew up around. A lot around my grandparents, especially my grandmother, she always took me to church on Sundays and stuff Really, yeah, and so I was raised and you know in the church and stuff, and doing the years You know and I started getting older, I started being a little Peculiar, you know a little rambunctious, I'm saying in and out of stuff and Things being to happen, I've been around And the projects and stuff, a lot of crime, a lot of drugs, a lot of prostitution, just negative activities, and but it does those, like I say, things like that was like curious to me, No, I'm right from wrong, just a little still rambunctious and just real curious, real curious about about what's going on, what's going on around me, but not really understanding it, but just, knowing something wasn't really right, and so as I began to experiment in drugs and have little girlfriends and stuff like that how old were you then when you, I was around about 15, 16 years old, when I started It should be a woman with alcohol and then alcohol from alcohol to marijuana and then to harder drugs. The street drugs that you hear right now, I done experience all those drugs. From putting it in my nose to putting it in my arms, to if that get worn out or it's it's if it's hurting, I would eat it, and it took me down a long dark road, dealing with addiction, So I was dealing with childhood trauma too, when I was like about five years old, I got molested, by a childhood friend. And it was my mother's best friend's son who molested me, and I held it in for so long, and up until I turned about 46, but it always bothered me, being incarcerated in and out of prison a lot and because of the drugs or other things you got into as well because of my drug uses and committing crimes to get drugs and I still didn't know how to deal with making good decisions, because I started out making poor decisions at a young age. It isn't that I had that I didn't have good guidance, because My father left my mother, it wasn't like I didn't have good guidance because my grandma always took care of me a lot, and my mama and grand grandmother. She always made sure we had food on the table. We never went without eating. It was always breakfast, on the table, especially on Sundays, before she go to church, she always cook us a good breakfast. And, like I said, things just grew out of control. And II was really powerless over my addiction and you know how to stop. I had a desire to stop. I wanted to stop but I just couldn't because it progressed. So bad, and come to find out when I, start getting in treatment centers. I started finding out what addiction is How powerful the disease is and no matter how hard and I want to stop if I couldn't get the literature that I needed I couldn't get the teaching that I needed. I couldn't get the understanding that I needed the knowledge about what I was really dealing with this is a disease that doctors don't really know anything about I have no good on cure for that's what it says in our literature. Yeah. They're having a desire to stop using just a desire to stop drinking. I had a an awakening, a guy told me a while back, he said, you're going to have a, an epiphany one day, you're going to get tired, all that stuff you're doing. And then, I was sitting in the park and I had just moved back from Chicago and because I had been in California, I had been in Florida, just running for myself, not realizing that I'm taking myself with me everywhere I go. Yeah. I still got these behaviors. I still got the character defects. I still have anger issues, just In a lonely place, full of fear, full of doubt, full of anger, from the childhood trauma but once I began to, having a real desire to stop using I noticed. When I was, I would start to, I would go back out and I would get high, I wasn't really enjoying it, because most of the pain was coming back up and it was still inside of me and when I began to share my story with people, not being ashamed because that was one thing that held me back, ashamed and embarrassed me of what another man or another woman might say, so that held me back for a long time, but I got to a place where, it was hurt me so bad inside that I just had to tell my story and what I found out in that Is when I get released, what was inside of me, what was inside of me was their inner voice wanting to come out. And once I released it and it came out, I feel a whole lot better. I didn't get, it wasn't no instant thing that happened, but. It took, another month or two before, I really started understanding the addiction and what it causes and how I was suppressing my anger. And what I was angry about was the molestation, where it really was coming from. Was this, were you in a program and with some counselors that helped you? Yeah, I was, the first time I went through treatment, it was a journey to recovery. And the first time I got kicked out because I had anger issues fighting people, so they didn't want to kick me out. But based by what the policy says, I had to be removed. And so basically I kicked myself out. Let's get that right. And so they let me come back again. I hadn't dealt, I still hadn't dealt with telling my story. I had. Told everything about my addiction and what I did in my addiction, how I live like a barbarian and I made it through that program. Graduated, had a celebration, But I was still dealing with that one issue about being molested. That was really hard to get past. And, people don't, I didn't realize at the time that it's not only me that's dealing with that. Not only women is dealing with that. It's a lot of men is dealing with that who are not able to come out or just afraid. I still have that anger in them where they don't know how to talk to somebody about it. Having a trust issue, sharing it with somebody because that's serious. You don't just want to go around telling everybody this is what happened. You want to try to get it out to somebody. So we took therapy. It took therapy for me at the family center to actually start talking about it, openly and being honest about how I felt about it, how it was affecting me and my decision making my everyday life. And so that anger it really. It really kept me bound, you know to myself, and I really was like I had became a loner I didn't we don't deal with people, But once I was able to finally get that out and share my story, the disease was just the the drugs was just a symptom of my disease, so that what I, that's what I used to suppress what was really going on with me. I wouldn't really, I was walking around carrying different kind of mask, if you wanted me to be this person, I was this person. If I wanted you to see this person, then I put this mask on and when I, yeah. When I finally gave all that up, the mask fell off and this is who I am today, and my experience, with with God, has grew stronger, through prayer and meditation, my contact with him has proven, improved, it has improved, and I can hear him at times, when I'm not into myself or not in my own head or being selfish I hear his voice, and it's it's a voice of leadership. It's a voice of power. It's a voice to give you strength. It's a voice of love, and listening to what he has to say. He wants to lead me, through other people, even in this situation right here, I don't know what I was going to say. I don't know how I was going to get it out, but just being led by and once I say one or two words and I'm able to go ahead and share, where I'm at, when I, where I'm at today, I'm in a good place. I understand my disease. I understand the decisions that I made, out of ignorance, out of a dark place, out of anger, because I, the anger Sometimes it still come up but I don't respond. I'm able to get quiet, get alone sometime and just think about, what's going on, how I feel about it. Yeah. If I'm not able to process it like that and I have a sponsor. I have people that's in my program that I'm able to exchange numbers with and something going on with me. I'm able to give them a call and and express how I feel and what's going on with me and I realized I don't have to do it alone. That's what people are here for to help me. Yeah. Everybody needs somebody sometime for something. That's true. I just love today that everything turned out beautiful. Something that was really ugly. It turned out beautiful, I would never think that I was going to see this day, I didn't ever think that I was going to live the to tell my story. I just thought I was going to stay in addiction. I thought I was destined to be a drug addict, because I just, I would, like I say, I was in a such a dark place, and just lonely and full of fear and doubt, and yeah, a whole lot of doubt, because I kept feeling myself and I kept trying to, to To improve myself, but kept making bad decisions, but I didn't know I was dealing with this disease that was causing me to make these bad decisions. And some of those decisions I made, so when you were in that, when you were in that darkness, what happened that. Helped you to recognize you needed to get into a program to get some help. Was it something somebody said to you or did you just reach out on your own and say, I need to find out about how I can get help? Or what? Like I said, I was sitting in a park when I came back from Chicago and I was trying to get hot in, like I said, it started. was unwanted. It's this is the same thing repetitively. You didn't do this for so many years. God put that in your heart and you wanted a change. Yeah, I wanted to change and I had seen where it worked for other people but I had to really want it. I had to really get honest with myself. This is what I needed. But realizing that I couldn't do it by myself because I tried to do it by myself and it just didn't work. Yeah. I was just powerless. I was out of control, so I needed somebody else to help me. Somebody that's not been through this process before to guide me through it, so is that when the Lord connected you with someone that kind of put you in touch with Journey to Recovery? Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. And then at what point did you get connected to Safe House Ministries? Like I said, I had went out again. After graduating Journey to Recovery, you went back to some of the old ways. Because I hasn't dealt with that anger issues. I hadn't dealt with those, they gave me what I needed, but if I'm not telling you what's wrong with me or how I'm feeling, then you can't give me an answer. Okay. So you're back into the, some of those old ways, cause you hadn't dealt with the real root. So then how'd you get, how'd you get to the place where you. Dealt with the real route. beIng inside tomorrow's hope, I got to tomorrow's hope and that was the last door that opened up for me because all the other rehabs I had called. It was either they didn't take my insurance. It wasn't no beds. It was just those doors was closed. Yeah. And this was the door that opened up for me and when I walk through this door, I said, I have to. I got to give you my all. I got to tell everything. I got to empty this trash can out. I can't leave not one piece of paper in it. Yeah. Everything has to come out. And like I say, when I when I got to that place where I wanted to be honest, rigorously honest, that I really wanted to, feel better, it had to come out. Yeah. And The facilitators, who I think, those are the vessels that God used, and even in that process, it wasn't easy. It wasn't just come out, I had to be coached through that. I had to have, I had to be told to have self compassion for myself. That I didn't have to be angry all the time that I didn't have to be upset all the time, because that's what, that's what us at is go through a lot of anger, from stuff that, from maybe whether somebody else did it to us or whether we did it to ourselves, we deal with a lot of anger issue. We deal with a lot of, I deal with a lot of resentments, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I had the I had to just let it go and let god do it. I had to let it go and let who he was using. Who he was using to teach and facilitate. I had to listen to them. To get the help that I needed cuz I'm the one who went to their facility saying I needed help. Yeah. It ain't about me running the show no more. It ain't about me taking control. It ain't about me having the power. It's about me listening and getting the tools that I need and doing what's being suggested. Nobody's telling me what exactly like what to do being mad at you telling you what to do. They give you suggestions. Cuz. The people who are giving you these suggestions, whether it be my sponsor, whether it be a facilitator, whether it be a teacher, they just giving you the suggestion that may have worked for them. If that's, if that suggestion doesn't work, then that's always another suggestion. If it works for this person might not work for this person, it was you just keep getting suggestions and you'll get the answer you need. Wow. Awesome. You were you at the Freedom House Men's Shelter when you were going through the Tomorrow's Hope program? I'm still in, I'm still in Freedom House now, which I'm in the second phase. Okay. Which is work phase. Yeah. In the first phase, you go through step one, two, and three. The first step, you read out, you write down, your experience. The things you did in your addiction. Yeah. How you felt, yeah. And that's really getting it out. How you how did it make you feel? How did it make me feel? And you just express what's really going on within you. Yeah. Put it on paper. You read it out. You get some relief. Yeah. And you read it out in front of a group. That's awesome. And it and that motivates you. That motivated me to do it more. Yeah. And the more and more I pull it out, the more and more The literature began to fill me up. I had to get the old stuff out so the new stuff could come in. That is such a good metaphor for all of us like of emptying like you said, you talked about emptying the trash can and then you got an empty vessel, the Lord can put the good things back inside it. Good things. That's good man. And sometimes it's things and doors be opening into the It's really like it's you. It's unbelievable. You'll be like, man, god did this in 3 months. I wonder what he'll do in 3 years. You know what I'm saying? You reaching towards, you're reaching towards the mark. You on a journey. You want to erase, to get to the finish line and it's never a finish. For us, it's always every day. It's just 1 day at a time. We're always gotta grow. Always gotta grow. Yeah. I'm not a grown man. I'm a growing man. I'm a growing man too. You're so right, man. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So you really tackled phase one. You just poured yourself into it and you actually Did everything you needed like you really embraced it No, sometimes people get into the programs and they're half in half out. They're yeah I'm just gonna go through the motions, but you and that's what maybe what happened the first time you went through journey to recovery but this time You just opened up your arms. You became vulnerable you embraced it totally and the Lord I can see it. I can see it in you in your eyes. Just the Lord is he's really working in your life. He's really doing some great things. It's just scary sometimes, because it's man, I can't believe this. I didn't never see myself being in where he got me at now. I didn't never see it, because a lot of times, having faith in God and not, not seeing it, it is this having faith in this chair sitting right here. I know it's gonna hold me up. And it's the same thing with God. Just trusting him. Yeah. Just let it go. Even when I don't see it. When even when I feel bad, even when they don't sound good, even when they don't, especially when they don't look good, just and I found out just surrender. Just give it all up. Cuz that's a good word. He gonna have his way anyway. That's a good word. I might go ahead and let him have his way now cuz he gonna have his way anyway. He's the he's all powerful. He's the creator. I would just submit to it now. It'll be a whole lot easier and the process of the pain that he takes us through is a whole lot painless than being out there. Yeah. Yeah. He loves us in the midst of that process. Yes. That's good, man. I'm so glad to hear that you're doing so well. Are you going to church anywhere? Yeah, I go to attend Overcomers Christian Church. Yeah. Mrs. Sherrill and Mrs. Charles Sapp. Yeah. Yeah. Love the church. They treat me like family. Like I have. Like I've never been an addict. Like I'm one of the sons, like one of our own. It's like they adopted me. They took on a challenge. And I will allow them, because they allow a god to use them to help me. Yeah. Do I get it right every time? No, I don't get it right every time but I'm not giving up. Yeah. I didn't came too far to give up, the peace and the love that I have now. Yeah. And the freedom that I have, I didn't came too far to not allow continue to allow him to use other vessels. Yeah. To help me because I see it works. That's a good picture too of the way God treats us like when we bring our broken lives to God and we just ask him to forgive us for our sins and we believe in his son Jesus and ask him to save us. God brings us into his family. He makes us one of his sons. Yes. And he treats us so much better than we deserve. Yes. I'm so glad for that. Yeah. He shows us. He does. He is one of his sons. Even through the chastisement. It's love, ain't it? Yeah. Because that's the yeah. If he didn't love us, he wouldn't chastise us. Yeah, that's the love. Trying to like a good daddy just trying to correct us and get us back on a better path. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it ain't no fun with that chastisement. It ain't no fun. But if we just like you said, if we surrender and submit to it, man, we get on such a better path. Our feet get planted on a solid rock and our life path just. It just becomes so much better. So much better. He's a leader. Yeah. Letting the lord lead. Yeah. Yeah. Phaedric, is there any other just thinking over your life? Any other little story or anecdote that you wanna add? I don't regret what I went through. Even from the choices I made, God was able to just turn that thing around. Yeah. I felt that I don't even deserve to be where I'm at. How many times I turned my back on God and how many times did I lie and how many times did you know, I wasn't honest, with myself. He already know the truth. You know what I'm saying? He already knew what's going on with me. He just needed me to talk to him. Yeah. And yeah, it's just beautiful the way life is today. Yeah, that I just I just I'm enjoying where I'm at. I'm glad I'm loving where I'm at now. I love god, and I love the people that he put me around, and the people that I come in contact with, And I don't even know, I could find something somehow, some kind of way to love him. Yeah, because he hasn't taught me how to love myself, that what that makes me, not even want to think about going back, but it's been a beautiful journey and this only beginning, I only got about six months, clean now. But it's the best feeling that I've ever had, yeah. It's been the best feeling, and I ain't even living my best life yet. Ha. But I'm just so excited about this. That's wild. So I couldn't turn down, coming here and sharing my story. My spirit's strengthened whole. Yeah. I really love it. That's good. Fadrick, is there any little bits of wisdom or some of the core lessons that you learned over your time and your life and what the lord's done. some of those core lessons that maybe you want to share. Yes, my my pain is my power. I know today, like I said, I don't get it right every time but I know today, I'm very familiar with, my past, the decisions I made and what happened. I know they do this and don't do that, because it took a while for the lesson to be learned, out of my selfishness, but you know, if he um, has measure of Ellis, nothing, we gotta be all the way in the cup, and he fills us up. What is his spirit, and I wouldn't have it no other way. Wow. That's some good, that's some good lessons. Pain is my power, recognizing that the choices that were made that led to great pain. Yeah. Remembering that great pain gives you the power to Keep away from those bad choices and make better choices. Yeah, because pain is a good motivator. Yeah, you're right. It's, I read a book that was called The Gift of Pain. And they're talking about how the God has given us pain to help keep us from doing things that continue to hurt us. Yeah, man, that's good. That's good. And then the lesson that you can't be half hearted. You can't straddle the fence. You got to be all in if you want the victory. because dabbling a little bit in, it doesn't get you there. Yeah. I'm able today to, to share my story. Yeah. When I wouldn't, years ago, I wouldn't share, not everything, but yeah, I don't mind sharing with people now because it ain't all about me. it Ain't all about it ain't all about me. It ain't all about being selfish no more. It's about sharing my story and, hoping somebody can relate to it. Yeah. Some things that I said I hoping inspire them to, just tell it your story has made'em my disease. Tell'em my story. Yeah. Tell'em what happened, what it was like and how it is now. And that is, it is a way out, but we have to want the change. We have to want the desire to stop doing the things we was doing, yeah. Your story is teaching me a lot, even just in this conversation. I appreciate that. And I know that the people that listen to the podcast and hear your story, it's going to teach them a lot too. but the lesson is true that we got to be willing to receive it. Yes. Yeah. And we, if we don't, if we don't listen with a heart willing to receive, then we don't get any benefit. Yeah. Amen. I'm hearing you man it's some good things the Lord has taught you and the, just a wonderful way that he has directed your life. And I'm so happy for you. I'm so excited about what the Lord's doing and the victory that he's given you, being clean six months and about to be starting a good job and saving up some money and just really getting on a good path. Any last thing you want to share before we close? There's peace in the pain, there's peace in it. liKe I said, I wouldn't have it no other kind of way, and I hope this, I hope my story reach somebody, I really hope it did. I know it did. It reached somebody. Yeah. Somebody heard the story. Somebody received it. Yeah. That's that's my faith and belief. Somebody received it. Somebody need somebody to love on them, and somebody need to teach somebody else how to love theirself, and I'm just glad that god used me today, I'm glad that you gave me a call. I was trying my best to get this schedule right, but I enjoyed it. Yeah, it's good. Every time you share something, it is, the Lord just hits me with the truth. It comes right from the Bible. You talk about peace and the pain. The Bible talks about a peace that passes all understanding that when we walk with God, even in the midst of some of the hardest things we could go through, he gives us a peace that just doesn't make sense sometimes. It just, it's yeah. It's not humanly understandable, but yet, when we're walking and surrendering to the Lord, that peace is there. Yes. It's, wow. That's good, man. Do you mind if I close this in a word of prayer? Father, I love you, and I thank you for my new friend, Phaedric. Thank you for his heart. Thank you for his willingness to share. His life story to share the hardships that he's faced, to share the consequences of his bad decisions, and to share the fact that you were there all along to, to recognize that you love him so much. Thank you that he has received your love and that he loves you as well, Lord, that he has embraced you, that he has let go of his life, that he has surrendered. Thank you for just allowing him to be connected to Safe House Ministries, to the Freedom House, to Tomorrow's Hope, and thank you for the fact that he has submitted himself to you. That he's listening, that he's letting you grow him, and thank you for helping him complete phase one, that he's now in phase two and just doing well. He's about to start a new job, and I just pray you bless. Lord, the devil, our enemy, is still wanting to destroy all of us. The devil wants to destroy Phaedric. And I pray that you would not let him do it. That you would keep Phaedric on a Wonderful path of growth, of stability. Need protect him when the devil comes along and tries to tempt him and sway him and lead him astray, Lord. Let Phaedric stay connected to you, to your spirit, to other Christian friends and brothers and sisters that will help him, Lord. It's so true what he said that we can't do it alone. We need you most of all. But you also have designed us to need help from others. And thank you for the others that are helping Phaedric, but the others that help all of us for the fact that you're sovereign and then you're in charge. Bless Phaedric, I pray, Lord, I pray with all my heart. use him in his life to shine a light that can help so many others around him. Lord, put it in his heart to give back, to be someone that you would use to help others to get on a good path as well. Thank you for your grace in Jesus name I pray. Amen. Amen.
Phil Shuler:We look forward to being with you again next week as we share another testimony about the power and the goodness of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. if you are someone listening to this podcast that loves to hear these stories of the great things that God is doing in changing people's lives for the better, and if you would like to be a part of that work, please reach out to us You can reach us at 2101 Hamilton Road, Columbus, Georgia, 31,904. You can call us at seven oh six three two two. 3 7, 7 3, or you can email us at info@safehouse-ministries.com.
Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone)-2:Thank you so much for being with us this week for the renew restore and rejoice podcast of safe house ministries, we pray that God will bless you this week. And we look forward to having you back with us again next week for a new episode.