Kim's story is powerful and parallels the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15. She finally "woke up" when she found herself in the hospital with tubes coming out of her abdomen and trying to wheel herself into the bathroom to still get high. You'll learn much and be blessed by listening! God NEVER gives up on any of us and loves us more than we know!
Kim's story is powerful and parallels the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15. She finally "woke up" when she found herself in the hospital with tubes coming out of her abdomen and trying to wheel herself into the bathroom to still get high. You'll learn much and be blessed by listening! God NEVER gives up on any of us and loves us more than we know!
I'm sitting there with my like tubes coming out my stomach and I'm unhooking myself from the IV things and all this and scooting my little self to the bathroom with my pipe to go get high in the hospital.
Phil:Wow.
Kim:That was an eye opener for me because I'm literally sitting there, like I said, with two tubes coming out of my stomach and I'm still trying to get high and that was the eye opener for me. That is when I knew I needed something else that I needed help.
Phil Shuler:HellO, and welcome to Renew, Restore, Rejoice, the Safe House Ministries podcast, where we share stories of the power of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. Safe House Ministries is based out of Columbus, Georgia, and we are a ministry that exists to love and serve people who have been affected by addiction, homelessness, and incarceration. I'm your host, Phil Shuler, the Director of Development for Safe House Ministries here in Columbus, Georgia. Safe House serves over 1, 100 people each month as they transition back into our community. Safe House provides an abundance of services including 213 beds for homeless individuals and families, case management for obtaining job skills and long term employment. Over 300 hot meals every day, free clothing, and so much more. One of the most incredible services that Safe House provides is our free 9 12 month intensive outpatient substance abuse program, which is state licensed, CARF accredited, and has no wait list. Almost 100 percent of individuals staying in our shelters who follow our three phase program become fully employed within a few months. And 68 percent of individuals who stay at least one night with us End up finding work and moving into their own home. Thank you for being with us today and listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Phil:Good morning. This morning on the podcast, I have Kim and Kim is someone that works up at Safe House Ministries with me. She's a colleague and she has a story all of her own an amazing story. And this morning she said, Hey, sure, I'll come and be on the podcast. So Kim, thank you for being here.
Kim:Thank you for having me.
Phil:Glad to have you. We wouldn't be able to have a podcast if people weren't willing to share their stories. I'm grateful that you're willing to share your story. It'll be a help and encouragement to many people. So Kim, starting out, let me ask you. If you had to pick one word that might best describe you, what do you think that word would be?
Kim:I would have to say probably courage.
Phil:Courage. Yeah. That's a good word. What do you mean when you say that?
Kim:Because you have to have courage to go through some of the things I've been through to keep pushing forward and not give up. Just to be able to be strong and to keep going. And you have to have courage to do it.
Phil:Yeah. That's good. You make me think about Joshua in the Bible where he was told to be strong and courageous. Yeah. That's good. That's really good. I'm sure we'll hear a lot about courage in your story as well. So how about starting at the beginning? Where were you born and how'd you grow up?
Kim:I was born in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. My mom and dad probably got divorced when I was like four or five, but besides that I had a pretty good, lifestyle. I was never really raised around like no drugs, no alcohol, nothing like that. We were going to church. It was real family oriented. Now I know their divorce was pretty like rough and brutal, both of them like Trying to fight over who's going to have custody of me and my older brother. So that was, a little big, like emotional. Mostly it was really emotional, cause at my age, I didn't know what was going on. I was only. I'm gonna say four or five years old and being tossed back and forth, between parent to parent and that can that puts a lot on a child and I was, at first I was a, a daddy's girl. So my dad, he did have custody of me until I was, I want to say it was like 12 or 13 and then my mom ended up getting custody of me. Still, pretty much through my whole childhood, it was back and forth between which parents going to have custody of me. And then let's see probably about 15 years old when I moved to Georgia. Still, hadn't been around drugs or nothing. I was average with my grades, A's B's and C's never really, nothing too bad I didn't fail no grades or anything like that. I played softball that year around, you know It was like always constantly doing something
Phil:Yeah
Kim:and I mean I knew about like drugs and alcohol and all that and I was always the one like I'm never gonna do that. I'm not gonna be like that, look at these people. I'm not gonna do it and I'm gonna say my problems really didn't start until after high school I was going through nursing and I was working full time and trying to work full time and go to college full time. It's a struggle. It's a lot. It really is. And I really still down on myself about it because like I got all the way to like my clinicals in nursing.
Phil:Wow.
Kim:And it just got to a point like going through that and By the time I get off work, having to really be able to do my homework that I had to do before going to class. That's when, it was, hey, try a little bit of this, keep you awake or, it'll help you get through to do what you got to do. And experiment, pretty much is what it came down to. I was around a few people, that, that were into drugs, so it wasn't like I was out looking for it. So I knew where to get it. Pretty much around it and it just, it helped me to where I was doing my work. And at that time, you're really not thinking, you have a problem or issues with it and it ends up being like, every couple of day thing or maybe like a weekend thing that you're doing, your choice of drug or whatever it is or alcohol. And then eventually it ends up to be in like, Oh yeah, let me do it a few more days a week or ends up being the everyday thing to where eventually it turns into being like a, just smoking a cigarette every day. And I was, let's see my DOC. I'm not afraid to say it or tell anybody about it. My DOC was meth. I Started when I was 20 years old and I am 43 now I've been clean this July will be two years. So almost two years, still it's a work in progress, but to be involved with something, for that long, like it really plays a toll on you. I've lost, contact with family members through it. Jobs.
Phil:Wow.
Kim:Because you sit there and you're working your jobs. I didn't finish my nursing. I dropped out of nursing.
Phil:so dropping out of nursing was
Kim:the first thing that significant
Phil:consequence that started to happen. Yeah. And you were around 20 at that time?
Kim:When I actually dropped out of nursing, I think it was either like about towards the end of me and being 20, 20, 21, around there.
Phil:Okay. So that was the first domino that fell and then things started to just get worse from there.
Kim:It gets worse from there.
Phil:So what did that, what started to happen after that?
Kim:Were you living with
Phil:your mom still at this point?
Kim:I was living with my mom. And I hid it from her for years, like years I hid it from her. And then the first time that I really had to admit that I was, Involved with drugs or using drugs I was in a vehicle with a friend of mine. We got pulled over. They had drugs on'em. I had drugs on me. So of course we both go to jail. That is the first, that is like the hardest thing is to have to call your mother or your father from jail and. Me seeing my mom on the other side of that plexiglass when she came to see me. I just, I turned around, I busted out in tears. I felt like I was the worst person on earth. I felt like I was, a disgrace to her. But she never once turned her back on me. She, she stayed by my side through it all. And that was like an enabler, but she never once turned her back on me. But that was the hardest thing is me having to call from jail or, have her come and see me at jail. And I told her that first, she came one time and I was like, Mama, please don't come back and see me at jail. I will call you, like every Sunday or, I'll call you twice a week. Just, I can't look at you in the face from the other side of this plexiglass because I can't give you a hug. I can't, none of that. I was like, I just, I can't. That made, that hurt me. Now that was the first time I'd went to jail and actually I didn't get no charges with that one because the only thing I really had on me was paraphernalia. The judge was like, Oh you're still in school. I was in college. And he's you're working. He's look, this is what we're going to do. If you get in any more trouble though, basically we can put these charges back on you. I was lucky then. So I'm, got the little big head going on Oh, you can't stop me. Y'all just let me get away with that. But eventually, it just, it gets more and more. That was like the first time I'd ever went to jail. And I've probably been a total of maybe six, seven times in the past 20, 23 years.
Phil:Yeah. A few months at a time.
Kim:A few months at a time. The longest I actually had to stay in there was That would have been pretty much the whole year of 2022. And that's really when I knew I needed some type of help. I was in there for the first, I remember, I got arrested at my mom's house. It was January 23rd of 2022. And it was for violation of probation. So I had to go and I sat for, I think it was two months, almost about almost three months. They put me in DRC,
Phil:drug rehab,
Kim:and Oh, I did good for the first week. Did good for the first week, but still being around like the same people and everything, it just, it doesn't, it was not a good environment for me. So I was right back out there and a month later, I'm right back in jail. So it was just, and then eventually I came over here towards the end of that year to do the rehab treatment with Tomorrow's Hope through the safe house.
Phil:Okay. How'd you find out about Tomorrow's Hope?
Kim:They actually when you actually are in jail, they do have like a list of rehabs and everything. And this was a THOR approved rehab and that is what my public defender and what my probation officer told me I needed. If I could get into a treatment, it has to be like certain, standards.
Phil:During the dark times were you really hurt a lot or did you hurt a lot of other people a lot? Do you you were telling me about some things that you saw when you were there. Would you be willing to share some of those things? Yeah.
Kim:I'm gonna say, most of the harm that was done. Was really me just harming myself Now, I know I did cause a lot of emotional problems to like my mother My family members, you know me not being there because I was always family oriented Me not being there no more for like little family holidays Birthdays, stuff like that I know it caused like a toll on them to where they my mom and then my stepdad and my mom was like We don't want you at the house no more If you come to the house, it can be to maybe eat dinner or something like that. But after that, you got to go, no coming in and out because we know what you're doing and you're not willing to stop. It did cause a lot of emotional toll with that. Now I was married. I was married for I think it was like four or five years. And. That caused it, it caused, a lot of issues with that. It caused a lot of trust issues. I did end up cheating on my husband. And he knew what I was doing. And the crazy thing about it is I wasn't just using drugs. I was selling them too. So The street life, it is, it's one thing if you're using, but it's totally more dangerous to, if you're selling.
Phil:Yeah.
Kim:And
Phil:how so
Kim:because you put in more pressure on just like where you stay at, as far as like law wise my house was kicked in twice by the the EA agents they came in there looking for drugs. You see all this stuff, like on TV when they're sitting there showing it and you would be like, Oh yeah. Okay. That ain't true. Yes. No, it is true. The way they do things. Like I said, they kicked my door in twice. And when you have 20, 30 people coming at your house with decked out full, like camo gear and all that, it's scary.
Phil:Were you really big into it then? That sounds serious.
Kim:It was quite a bit. Yes. It was quite a bit. So not only like I said, does it cause issues with the law? But you put yourself in danger of being around guns. You put yourself in danger of people actually getting hurt with the guns. I've never particularly seen anybody like get shot or anything like that. I've seen people threatened with them. I've seen Females get jumped on by, their other drug dealers or whatever, like I said, you put yourself in a different, completely lifestyle.
Phil:Wow. Like you're talking about getting beat up, raped, just violent? Yes, beat up.
Kim:It is, you would be surprised. Like I said, it is a totally different, it's a dark lifestyle. It is it's real crazy. It's insane. And. The way I look back on it now and I could look back at it with a clear head I Can't believe I was involved with some of that stuff. I can't believe I was involved with them people, you know I wasn't raised to be involved with something so like dark and just disturbing and I honestly don't know where I went wrong as far as, like what made me veer down that road because I wasn't raised that way. a Lot of people, like when I went through my treatment, they say it's like you're trying to fill a void. So I don't know if it was a void from maybe my childhood as far as like feeling like abandonment or something, with being tossed back and forth from mom to dad or something like that. That's something I still work on now trying to figure out. tHey said it could be years until I figure out exactly, where it went wrong.
Phil:So have you ever heard the illustration of a frog boiling in water?
Kim:No, I don't think I have.
Phil:So If you take a pot of water and you just boil the water, you throw a frog in there. You know what he's going to do? Yeah.
Kim:It's gonna boil. It's gonna
Phil:No, he's gonna jump right out. If the water's boiling, you dump the frog in there, he jumps out fast.
Kim:Yeah.
Phil:But if you put a frog in a pot of water, and you slowly turn up the heat, and it gets a little hotter, a little hotter, a little hotter, and then it starts boiling, He won't jump out. Because it's that gradual he's in there, and it just, he gets accustomed to it, and it becomes the new normal, and then you're desensitized, and so the frog will die. And maybe that's similar. I've never been addicted to drugs. I've struggled with sin in different ways. And just that idea of like, when you take a few steps, you create a new normal, then you take a few more steps. And then before you know it. It's crazy. It's insane. It's dark. And you're like, how did I get here?
Kim:Exactly. And that's how I feel sometimes and the past, like 20 some odd years, I can't remember a lot of it because it seems like it flew by so much, but it's like, how did I get that far down? Because I was the type of person never depended on nobody. I worked, I was going to school and then back to school. Bam. All of a sudden I just was down to where I had nothing. Everything was just, it was stripped for me. I messed up a good marriage, I was in and out of jail. I was just. I was lost. I was lost in, and the bad thing about it is not just was I lost in that sense, but I was lost because I was also using. So it was like, it was covering it up. Like when you're actually like using it, it masks is, what really is going on inside of you. But, When you sober up, all the problems are still there. They haven't went nowhere. They're just covered up. So it's like you keep using more and more just so that you don't have to think about it or feel that way or, try to cover up what you're, whatever is bothering you. And a lot of the times you might never know really what is the issue with you. And, It took me years and years to actually admit I had a problem.
Phil:Wow. What sort of things did you see happening to other people that affected you?
Kim:Just the way that like the lifestyle of some females I've seen plenty of females that were selling their bodies. Or just being like degraded by men just so that, they could get their next little fix, next hit, whatever they needed. Just, that amazed me how a person could treat another human being. And it wasn't just like men doing that to females, it was men doing that to men too. Like you would be, You would be surprised at how bad these drugs can get a hold on somebody and make them do stuff That you know, they never thought they would do because there was plenty of females that would come and talk to me and they would it was like, I never thought I would be doing this and that and But you are doing it But then you know, you keep putting yourself in that situation and keep doing it Then those things are going to keep happening to you And I mean I could sit there and tell them advice all day long, but I wouldn't take my own advice Now, as far as me I never sold my body for drugs. I never, give my body, to get drugs, nothing like that because I was selling them. So I always had them there. So I was like on the flip side of that, but I seen everything that was happening to everybody else. I seen a person that OD'd in front of me. And I'm freaking out because for one, this is in my house that it's I didn't even know, that, that was one thing you know, I never touched heroin or nothing like that. And I was in the bathroom. I didn't even know this person had done it in my living room. I come out, I see them like doubled over and I'm like, What is going on? And then I find out what's going on. Cause he, you're sitting there with a needle hanging out your arm. And I start freaking out at first, but then that kind of goes back to, Okay, you know what you got to do. He didn't actually die. But that is, that is something that, that scares you and it really makes you think what is really going on around you? You got to watch the people that let around you. And a lot of the times when you're under the influence, you don't think about that stuff.
Phil:Wow.
Kim:You really don't know the people that are around you and oh, we're your best friend. We're your buddy. Yeah. You're my buddy, because you're trying to see what you can get from me at that time. I have something that you're wanting. And then when it really comes down to it, you're not my friend, these drug dealers out here, they ain't your friend. They might act like you, they don't love you. They don't care about you. The drugs don't love you. They don't care about you, but that's what you're getting from them. Like the drugs, it's you're getting that love from them is what you're feeling on the inside, but it's not, and it's it hurts in the long run and It changes everything. It changes the way your family looks at you. It changes the way friends from high school looks at you. It changes the way society looks at you. And, I didn't understand that at that time, but I see it now and the one thing about me being on that flip side is I will never look at, I will never judge anybody anyways. But I understand now because I've been on that side and a lot of people now that see me, they're like They don't believe that I've ever done drugs. They don't believe I've ever done any of that and I'm like, oh, I'm I could prove it You know, I got the rap sheet. You want to see it? It's there It's the truth. And Especially where I work at now a lot of the clients that are there. They're like man. You never did drugs You never did this. I was like, I'm looking at him like Y'all just don't know my past and this is the first time I've really talked about some of it and it's still hard to talk about because it's still fresh. I've actually never opened up to anybody and really spoke about a lot of it and it's hard to, yeah, it is real hard to,
Phil:wow it's crazy. I think it's helpful for others. It is. Cause when you're in that moment, when you're in that place, it's like you don't, you're just blind to it. You don't see it. You don't get it.
Kim:Exactly. It's, you lose all morals go out the window. Not just morals, but just the. Self care, everything goes out the window. And that was a big issue with me. If it wouldn't be for tomorrow's hope in the safe house, I wouldn't be alive right now.
Phil:Wow and you said you got connected to tomorrow's hope in the safe house during that, the time you were in the longest in prison, 2022. How did that happen? Did someone mention safe house to you?
Kim:At first they they put me in DRC and like I said, that didn't work out for me. So I got revoked. I got sent back into county jail. I was there for another two and a half, almost three months. They released me again to go DRC. And two weeks after they released me, I had I had to have emergency surgery. So I had to have my gallbladder removed. And, they did that surgery. And that's the one normally they can do. And they send you home like the next day. I was sent home the next day. Three days later, I'm back in there again. Cause they mess up on the surgery. So I had to have a second one. And I think that was the longest time that I was actually out in 2022 because I had to have two tubes that was like a drain tube coming out of my stomach for five weeks. But in the process of that time, in the process between the two, the first two surgeries, that's when I really admitted to myself that I needed help. that I needed help and I knew DRC was not going to work for me because everybody that was in, DRC with me was someone I either use drugs with, sold drugs to, and I couldn't be in that same environment. I'm sitting there with my like tubes coming out my stomach and I'm unhooking myself from the IV things and all this and scooting my little self to the bathroom with my pipe to go get high in the hospital.
Phil:Wow.
Kim:That was an eye opener for me because I'm literally sitting there, like I said, with two tubes coming out of my stomach and I'm still trying to get high and that was the eye opener for me. That is when I knew I needed something else that I needed help. And after my tubes came out, they had revoked me from DRC for the second time and I went back into jail. And my public defender that I had she was very nice. I appreciate everything this woman did for me. I can't remember her name right now, but I appreciate everything she did for me. And I just told her, I was like, look, I said, DRC, I was honest with her, I said, DRC is not working for me. I never held nothing back from her. I told her everything I did in the hospital. I told, I was straight up 100 percent honest with them. And at this time she had told me, she said, look, DRC is not on the table no more for you. She's you're either going to go to RSAT, which is like in house substance abuse, but it's done inside of a prison. That's a nine month Facility that you would have to go to. And actually the wait time for that was like anywhere from six months to a year. And that would have been really almost two years that I've been just. Wasting away, pretty much with no help yet. But she said it was either RSAT or I could go to, I could refuse RSAT and my next thing would be. Sent to a prison with, I think it was a three. Yeah. It was either a three or four year sentence And the exact words that came out of my mouth to my attorney was Is there any other option I have? I was like because My mom is not gonna Make it if i'm in prison That was the only thing I was worried about
Phil:And it was killing her like it was just seeing her
Kim:health it done went down like bad And it was just, it was hard for her to get around. She was full time oxygen. I knew, I told him, I was like, look, I said, I won't never see her alive again. If I get sent off, I already knew that. And she told me, she's look, she's like, The only other option is she's and it's not going to be 100 percent guaranteed because the judge you have that day has been refusing everybody for the past two or three months, rehab places. She's but you can try it. She's if you can get into a rehab, have a bed available for you before we go back to court, he might approve it. And this is why I say my family never turned their back on me because I called my mom and my stepdad, as soon as I got out from talking to her and told them and I had to be at court in two weeks. I had two weeks to find, rehab. And in the jail system, what they'll do is they'll give you like a sheet with all the rehabs and their numbers and all that. So I gave all of them to my mom. My stepdad called every day, I know for two weeks, and spoke with Ms. Jamie Lee, trying to get him in every day. And it was like clockwork, he was like calling every day. And so when it came time for me to go to court, I haven't heard nothing, I didn't know nothing, I went in there blindsided. And the attorney came in and she's you have a bed waiting on you. She's it's all up to the judge now.
Phil:That was with Safe House Ministries? Yeah.
Kim:So they had a bed that came available. So I'm standing in front of the judge that day, just wait. That's like my little judgment day, which way is it going to go? And for some reason he approved it wow, and I swear there was like 60 other people in court with me that day And everything that they had coming up. He was declining everybody on everything And just for some reason he approved mine and he was like look He's like you're under my radar though He's I don't want to hear one mess up one anything He's like because after this is done with he's like after this you have no more options you'll be sent off and i'm like Yes, sir, that's all I could say was just yes, sir, and I remember the next day I think it was like six o'clock in the morning. They came in there and they were like grab your stuff Let's go and I remember the two hour trip in the back of that car what handcuffs on me and I'm just like oh Lord this fix to be a change. I didn't know what to expect I didn't know what you know, I was getting myself into I just knew I needed something away from You My hometown, my home area, the people I was used to are, I was never going to change.
Phil:Yeah. So where was that home place?
Kim:Houston County, Warner Robins.
Phil:Okay. That's where you were.
Kim:And once I got over here, it was different at first. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know nobody over here.
Phil:Yeah. Cause so you must have, you were in Columbus for a little bit. Then you must've left Columbus to go there.
Kim:I when I moved up here to Georgia, my stepdad was military. So we were in Warner Robins.
Phil:Okay.
Kim:But like I said, the list that they give out in the jails, It lists, like, all the rehab facilities in the state of Georgia.
Phil:Okay, so that's how they got connected. Yeah, and there's
Kim:not many of them for females. That was, I think there was maybe, no more than maybe ten listed on there.
Phil:But there's a ton more for men?
Kim:Yeah. That's interesting. Exactly, that's what I thought too. And like I said, Tomorrow's Hope was one that did accept me. And I feel like, I owe them my life. I really do. Anything that I can do to help, the safe house and them, I'm willing to do it for them because, I was still not only like sick, with my drug abuse and everything, but I was still sick from my surgeries and I didn't know it. So like we're sitting here and doing our classes and they do our, your analysis screens at least, once, twice a week. And I remember my house manager coming to me and she's look, you've been passing all your tests. She's there's something going on with you though. She's your skin is yellow. yOur urine is the color of like tea almost. She's but there's nothing in your system and we know you're not doing nothing. And they kept pushing me to go back to the doctor, go to the daughter. And I finally, I, I finally got in. It took me about a month to get into seeing a doctor and I had no insurance or anything, they covered it. They covered my my actual going to the doctor and everything. And come to find out I was having issues. I I had biopoisoning. So I was still having issues from my previous surgery. And this had already been like three, four months. It was actually, it was literally like in my system already. It was killing me. And these, the people here at safe house ministries, they barely knew me, but they stepped into they are my family now. And I remember when I'd miss I was actually missed three it was almost three months of class, they never discharged me. They never kicked me out the program. I had to go have another surgery. I was at Emory for a whole month. And my counselors, my case manager, they're coming all the way to Atlanta from here to check on me and take me to my appointments. The safe house ministry, like I said, they saved my life. Not just with that, but with what was going on with me.
Phil:That's love. Wow.
Kim:And they, like I said, it was like they took over where my family couldn't physically be here for me right then they were there and I would have never known I was sick still, I would have still been out there doing the drugs. I would still just, and I would probably be dead by now because it had done got in my system that it was that bad. I actually ended up losing half my liver from it. And I still have to go have another surgery. I'm still not done with it. We don't know when that one's going to be yet, but I still have more surgeries to come. So like I said, me and my drug of use putting off being sick, never going and taking care of myself. Like I should have been doing, everybody should go for their little exams and everything. I didn't do that. I was not taking care of my body. I was killing myself in more than one way. And I see that now and like I said, if it wouldn't have been for the rehab facility and safe house and them just accepting me, I would have never known. I would have never known none of that. And then as soon as I start back class like I said, I missed about two and a half, almost three months of class from being sick. From having the surgery and being on bed rest and everything. Yeah. I wasn't even back in class, maybe two weeks. And I remember we were going to one of our NA meetings at the safe house. And right when I'm pulling up there, I'm getting a phone call from back home. My mom had a massive heart attack. So I ended up losing her last April but at least she got to see me sober.
Phil:That's good. That's a, that's an amazing blessing. That's awesome. I'm sure she was so proud of you for that. Wow.
Kim:Everybody was like, do you think she held on long enough, to see that you were going to be okay? And I believe that. I really do. I believe she did. And, I got to spend, I got to spend a sober birthday with her. So for Christmas with her, yeah That's awesome. And I got it. I got to do all that. I'm actually I hate that I lost her but I know she's not hurting no more But I'm glad that I was still going through my treatment process when I did lose her because I remember like the first month that we were in class and I started classes and one of my counselors the question he had asked us, you know for that whole day was Would there ever be anything that would make you go back out and use again? And I told him I said if anything ever happened to my mom And When I graduated this past november And he got up and he spoke he's like You I remember. When I asked that certain question, he said, if anything ever happened to your mom, you would go back out and use, he goes, but you didn't. He's you've made it through it and you're still making it through it. He's so that should tell you, if you can make it through something like that, that you should be able to make it through anything. And I mean you can you just you have to change the way you're thinking you have to change everything about You have to get more spiritually with god and I had to admit and put everything in his hands to make it through it and i'm still doing that every day That is like I still have to even though i'm almost two years clean. I still have to Give everything to god every morning Because I know that there's some things out there I can't control, there's some things out there I can't change, and I just have to follow the path that he has led for me. And not only just going through like the treatment program, and now that I work with Safe House, I think that is the road that he has planned for me. I'm put there for some reason, I'm still alive and kicking right now for some reason. And the way I was going, I'm lucky right now. I'm really lucky. I feel like I'm on borrowed time sometimes.
Phil:Wow. That is so incredible. Cause I know many times when something like that happens in someone's life, when they lose someone and it really does send them back into the darkness. But so would you talk a little bit more about like how you Rejected that temptation and stayed the course. I know you mentioned turning into the Lord, looking to him, spending time with him. But what did, how did you do that? What did that look like?
Kim:I think that was the hardest thing I had to do too. Cause the whole, the whole few months that I'd been already in class and everything. Not once did I like go back home and visit my family. My mom and my stepdad always came over here. I told them, look, I'm not ready to take a pass. I'm not strong enough to do that. And the one thing that I told my counselors too, before I'd left on pass to go to my mom's funeral, I was like, look, I said, my older brother's in full addiction. He is still in full addiction and I know he's going to be there. And every single one of my counselors in there, I already had their numbers, but every one of my peers that was in there. Constantly every hour, almost every two hours, one of them was calling and checking on me. So me being able to stay in contact with them and being around my family. And when I, we had the funeral in Florida. And so when we got to Florida, just seeing my aunt, my uncle I did see my older brother. And of course he was high the whole time, I could tell, but I never put myself in that situation to be like alone around him or leave in a vehicle with him. I stayed away from him and I think it was easier because seeing the look on every one of my family members face and the hugs I was getting from them and them coming up and telling me they were proud, I didn't know my mom had told all of them. Yeah. Hey, she's in treatment. She's in rehab. This is what's going on. She's doing good. All this. I didn't know she was telling all of them. Just the love that I was getting from them and the support I was getting from them. Oh, we're so proud of you. If you need anything, we're here for you. We want to come see you when graduation is, we want to come visit with you and let us know, where you're at and all this. And it was just all the love I was getting from them made me realize, okay, y'all never turned your backs on me. Y'all are still here for me. Y'all are giving me another chance it was the love and support that I have from them that actually It never crossed my mind. It never once crossed my mind while I was gone for like the two days to the funeral, because it would have been easy to go and find it. I could have just went to my brother and been like, Hey, let's go. Let's go get high. But I didn't. And I felt like I would be a disappointment. I did not want to disappoint my mom knowing that, she had already got to see me sober for nine months. I Wouldn't have just been disappointing myself because I knew she was looking down on me. I would be disappointing her and I didn't want to do that. And not only am I still pushing, myself now to stay sober, but I'm also doing it for her. Then it comes to where my niece and my nephew, they're like, why can't my dad do it? Why can't he be like you, why can't you talk to him? And it's I tried to tell them, you can't make someone do it until they know they want to. So they were like, how did you know you was ready? And I told him, I was like when I was in the hospital sitting there with the Ivy pole tubes coming up my stomach and I'm still trying to go to the bathroom and get high I was like, I knew some, I knew then that I needed more help than what I was getting. It was hard to admit it. A lot of people, they don't want to admit they have a problem or an issue. Me, I was always the one, Oh, it's not a problem. I can kick it just like that. No, it's not. You might be able to kick it for two or three days, but eventually you're going to go back to it. And all that was playing back in my mind, all the hurt and disappointment I put on my mom's face, seeing her through the plexiglass. It's just. That is what made me not want to go back down that road again after she passed.
Phil:Wow. That's You really have an amazing story. And I'm sitting here just listening to you, and I'm learning so much. So much. Wow. So finishing up tomorrow's hope, take us from there, bring us up to now.
Kim:Finishing up in November, I was already working with the safe house when I was in like the last phase of my rehab.
Phil:Okay.
Kim:And basically it's just, I feel like everything is falling in place the way it should be. As far as just me getting my life straight. I have, steady job now. I'm not disappointing nobody. My connection with my family is like so much better than it used to be. Like me and my stepdad, we used to constantly just fight and argue and fight and argue and everything. And now it's we have an awesome relationship. The man's been in my life ever since I was like seven years old. So he's he's really another dad to me. And even with my mom being, out of the picture now, it's like our relationship is so much better. And I hope she sees that. I hope, I hope she sees that in just that everything I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm gonna be okay. Yeah, and I hope now, you know a lot of the times like with where I'm working at I See some of the clients that come in and I'm like, wow, did I act like that? dId I present myself like that, and A lot of them will come up and they'll talk to me about, Hey Kim how long you got clean? I know you went through the treatment program. What all do you have to do? And I try to give them some encouragement, some, hope, some courage. I give, I answer their questions cause I'm not afraid to talk about it. anD now there's still some things that I haven't talked about and it's hard for me to do. And I'm pretty sure you can see right now, it's still, there's some things I hold back because I'm not ready to divulge that yet. But it's like a lot of the clientele, with where we work at, for some reason they feel comfortable talking to me or coming to me about, anything that's going on with them. And that's what I don't understand. I don't know. Some of these people, they will come and tell me their whole life story and I'm just like, you don't even know me but they said it's like a vibe that I give off to them or something. I don't get it. I really don't get it. But I'm, I love where I'm at right now.
Phil:That's good. Helping others.
Kim:Yeah.
Phil:Being a light.
Kim:Yeah. Just
Phil:your example alone is a light that they're seeing. And it. It may be different times for different people. Yeah. But God will use you to, whenever that time comes for them, it's, I think about the story of the prodigal son yeah, you're familiar with that story in Luke and just where he's in the famine in the midst, he's in the pig pen, he's, and he's eating the food from the trough, the wasted stuff from, for the pigs and he, and it's, the Bible says that. He finds himself. He wakes up. He's like the lights come on in his head and he's what am I doing? And he goes back to his father. And so you're a light in it. It'll be something that Lord will use that when that time comes, someone else, someone will say, what am I doing? Man. And they'll probably sometimes they'll think of you and they'll be like, there's a way out. I'm going to do it. I'm going to follow Kim's example. I'm going to, I'm going to. Make a change.
Kim:And, I think that's a lot of the issue with my brother right now. Me and him our relationship is there's no relationship. And, that was I had to cut that off. Because I knew he's, still in addiction. He's still doing this and this. And I had to, my, my mom's mom is still around. She's nine 91, I think. Yeah. 91. It was hard for her to understand. She's why can't, why ain't you there for your brother? And that was like me having to explain to her, I have to take care of myself right now. And then, she understood it and she, felt, and she's maybe him seeing you do good. Will help him. I'm hoping eventually he'll open his eyes and he might walk down that, road and ask for help or get help. And if he does, I'll be there to encourage him or explain to him what he needs to do. But I still have to have that boundary with him until I know that he's a hundred percent wanting to, fix himself.
Phil:Yeah.
Kim:And he's got two kids, I don't have no kids. He's got two kids that want to One of them's an adult one of them still got two years left in high school You got two children and then and they want to know, why they're their father ain't around why was grandma raising them and You said he still has a chance to fix that with his kids and I pray and hope he does and that's where that's the only part of my My family that I haven't fixed yet because I can't fix that part He has to help fix that
Phil:You're right. It's still more parallels to I think of that prodigal son and the father loved him. The father was there, but the father knew he couldn't make him come home like he just had to wait. And then when the son came to that place and he came back, then the father loved, showed him the love, brought him in. And it's, you're right. It's so true. We can't as much as we want to. We just can't make another person do what they should do. They have to the Lord has to get their hearts and they have to come to that place You know Themselves
Kim:and they have to be ready and willing I mean they have to admit first that they have an issue and be ready and willing to fix it Some and I guess it took me 20 something years to admit I had a problem, But I mean I finally did and I Look at me now. I'm changing everything and it's a work in progress. It's still something, we have to deal with every day and I'll have to deal with, every day for the rest of my life because addiction is it's something serious. It really is.
Phil:Yeah, it really is. You're right. how are you doing spiritually? Were you going to church anywhere? You plugged in?
Kim:I was going to the Fort church, but normally I do work every Sunday. So I'm always at the safe house working every Sunday. I pray every morning. I go to my devotions when I can. So I'm still building, my strength back up with, God, I've always trusted and believed in him. But that is something I still have to work on. I have to build that rapport with him every day. I do know that every day when I get up, I have to trust and believe that the path that he has laid out for me that day. IT's one step at a time, but that is something I know I've got a lot of work still to do on me with building, building that relationship back up with him. Because if it wasn't for the good man upstairs, I wouldn't be sitting here right now because it's actually all his doing all his strength and everything. If it wasn't for him guiding me down that path and still believing in me and not giving up on me, I wouldn't be here.
Phil:Isn't it amazing that God loves us so much? No matter what we do, how we reject him, how we turn our backs, how we go into darkness. He loves us and he's still there. He's still trying to reach out to guide us, to turn us, to bring us back to himself. He loves us so much.
Kim:Yeah. Wow. Wow. There's temptation out there every day, every street corner, every door you open, there's some type of temptation, but it's like he's got his arms around us. No matter what we decide, he's still going to try to save us. No matter what our decision is.
Phil:He gave his son Jesus to die for us. That's how much he loves us. We can't even fathom that. Wow. Kim, anything that I haven't asked, or any other little anecdote that you want to share?
Kim:Just that, if I can do it, anybody can do it. You just got to trust and believe in yourself and you have to want it 100%. You cannot come in here with, a half mind to do it or I'm going to fake it till I make it. You can't do that. You have to believe in yourself. You have to put your trust in God and everything so if I can do it, anybody else can.
Phil:That's all. That's some good wisdom. Some good wisdom. As you look back over your life, the different things that happened, the things that turned you to a better path, helped you just do that 180 turn and head in a different direction, and the things you've learned, any other little bits of wisdom or advice that you would offer?
Kim:There ain't no life out there in the streets. There's, you might think that, it's all money and fast cars or, quick buck to earn. It's always going to end up, in a downfall. it Might look good at first, but it's not worth it. The streets don't love you. The drug dealers don't love you. They love what you bring in them as far as money, but that's, wow. It's not going to lead to nothing but jails, institutions, or death.
Phil:That's simple and profound. That's a heavy truth. Yeah. And it's a clear truth. It's just, I think it's a hard truth for people to believe and to accept.
Kim:Yeah.
Phil:But you would know. And I, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing just that wisdom and thank you for sharing your story and thank you for. What you're doing.
Kim:Thank you. For shining a light.
Phil:For being there. Being an example. I mean it, even if you didn't say anything, just simply being an example. But you have a lot of a lot of amazing things that you are sharing, listening to clients and letting them share with you and giving them, answers and helping them in any way that you can and that's good. That's good. Kim, you mind if I close this in a word of prayer?
Kim:Nope. Let's go. All right. I'm ready for it.
Phil:Father. I love you. I thank you for Kim. I just, I thank you for what you have done in her life and for what you are doing. Thank you for her family that loves her. Thank you for the way you've guided her life over the years. I just, I'm grateful. And I thank you that her mom lived to see her get clean and I, I can only imagine how proud Her mom must have been of her the way that she describes all her family talking to her and telling her they're proud of her and give it and that they're there for and they love her. I pray you'd use Kim Lord. You have a plan for her. You have a purpose for her life. You have things that you want her to do to help others to invest in others to serve you. I pray that you'd guide her path, protect her from all temptation, Lord, and I just pray that. You would bring her brother to the place where he would wake up, where he would open his eyes, where he would see where he's at, that he would accept that he's got a problem. And I pray that you'd bring him to the place where he would turn around and come back to you to turn his life around. I just pray that you would bless. The rest of this day, bless this podcast, those that hear it, Lord, it's been such an amazing interview, just, wow. I know that you will use this and Kim's words and her story to help others. I pray that you would do great and mighty things, and we thank you for them. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Phil Shuler:We look forward to being with you again next week as we share another testimony about the power and the goodness of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. if you are someone listening to this podcast that loves to hear these stories of the great things that God is doing in changing people's lives for the better, and if you would like to be a part of that work, please reach out to us You can reach us at 2101 Hamilton Road, Columbus, Georgia, 31,904. You can call us at seven oh six three two two. 3 7, 7 3, or you can email us at info@safehouse-ministries.com.
Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone)-2:Thank you so much for being with us this week for the renew restore and rejoice podcast of safe house ministries, we pray that God will bless you this week. And we look forward to having you back with us again next week for a new episode.