William Foster's Story (Part 1): Paranoid, Homeless, and Washing Clothes out of a bucket.. But God's Love Reaches Beyond All Barriers.

William is such a nice guy, and his story is truly incredible.  He shares some crazy stories and some amazing insight into the world of homelessness.  Enjoy!

Transcript

William: 0:00

I can remember when I was in the program, they had this moment where they called me into the office and I went in there and they set me down and they said, I'm Mr. Foster, we're not sure if we can help you. And it just fell on me. I was like, what do you mean you can't help me? I need help. And if you're professionals and you can't help me, then what are we going to do? And at that moment, I realized that I needed to change my thinking and my attitude about stuff. A lot of things about me needed to change. But they were so ingrained, it was so deep, because I'd been doing it for so long. And change comes gradually. They realized that I was really putting forth the effort, so they were willing to work with me. And I think that's when we had our moment, our breakthrough. I was trusting people that I didn't know. And that was very foreign to me, because even people that I had known all my life. I didn't even trust them. And that's how I was living. I was living with, it was just me. I couldn't trust you. I couldn't have you around. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't And so the drugs had really taken their toll on me. They had caused me to have a mental breakdown. I thought I was going insane.

Phil Shuler: 1:25

HellO, and welcome to Renew, Restore, Rejoice, the Safe House Ministries podcast, where we share stories of the power of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. Safe House Ministries is based out of Columbus, Georgia, and we are a ministry that exists to love and serve people who have been affected by addiction, homelessness, and incarceration. I'm your host, Phil Shuler, the Director of Development for Safe House Ministries here in Columbus, Georgia. Safe House serves over 1, 100 people each month as they transition back into our community. Safe House provides an abundance of services including 213 beds for homeless individuals and families, case management for obtaining job skills and long term employment. Over 300 hot meals every day, free clothing, and so much more. One of the most incredible services that Safe House provides is our free 9 12 month intensive outpatient substance abuse program, which is state licensed, CARF accredited, and has no wait list. Almost 100 percent of individuals staying in our shelters who follow our three phase program become fully employed within a few months. And 68 percent of individuals who stay at least one night with us End up finding work and moving into their own home. Thank you for being with us today and listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoy this week's episode.

Phil: 2:38

Good morning this morning on the podcast. I have William Foster and I'm really excited for William to be here this morning So William, I'm glad you're here. Thank you for being willing to share your story.

William: 2:48

Yeah, most definitely. I've heard nothing but good things about you as well, and I'm glad our schedule's finally met up. If I had to choose one word?

Phil: 2:56

Yeah, so you already know the question. The one word that would best describe you.

William: 3:00

I guess I would say genuine. Genuine. That's a good word. So how do you mean? I've always just tried to be who I am and tried to be the best version of myself. But I got way off course at a young age Coming up. I started getting into trouble hanging with the wrong crowd my mother died at a very young age. And so my family struggles with Coping with how to cope with the loss of a loved one. Yeah, and my father struggled trying to raise three children on his own but I got into Drug use

Phil: 3:36

and so so how old were you? I was about six years old then and you have two siblings. I do were you younger older? Where'd you fall in the mix? So i'm the baby of the family. Oh, okay Wow. Okay. That, yeah, I can't even imagine. So your dad was just struggling.

William: 3:55

Yeah, he was trying to make money, but he was also trying to raise three children. And he was also trying to cope the loss of his mate. And so a lot of things fell to the wayside. We all were. Just tried to find ways to cope with things. But as a young teenager, I started hanging out and doing drugs. Where were you guys living at that point? We were living in Warner Robins. Okay. We were living in Warner Robbins. We lived in a nice neighborhood, lived in a nice house, so your

Phil: 4:24

dad had a pretty good job? Yeah.

William: 4:26

Yeah. He was doing real good. He was doing real good with making money. He didn't have no problems there. He had his own business. Wow.

None: 4:32

Yeah.

Phil: 4:33

But the problems were when just trying to figure out how to raise you guys.

William: 4:36

Yeah, there was a lot going on underneath the surface. And struggled, we all struggled. My brother and sister they did a little bit of the drug use, but they quit.

Phil: 4:46

Okay.

William: 4:47

And I never could figure out why I couldn't quit. I never even knew that I had a problem. Wow. Until it was way later. And I wound up getting into trouble one night, me and a friend, we did some things we wound up robbing someone for money for drugs. Wow. And I wound up going to prison for that. How old were you? I was 18. Okay. I was 18 for 11. Wow, 11. 11. 11. And I spent a lot of time in and out of jails. I never really realized how bad my addiction had gotten. Yeah. But when I got here, I came to a place called the Freedom House. And it was So how, when was that? At what point was that? This is so much later. This is almost A year and a half ago.

Phil: 5:43

Wow, so from 18 to about a year and a half ago, you were in and out of prisons, was that all in Warner Robins, or did you, were you in different places?

William: 5:52

Yeah, it was pretty much all in Warner Robins. And I had, by that time, got myself where just about everybody I associated with was using drugs. Wow. And it was almost like, to me, a normality. But it wasn't normal at all.

Phil: 6:10

So you would go to prison, go to jail or prison and then you'd get out and you'd go back and just what stay with one of those buddies and get back in the darkness of drugs and or did you use while you were in jail too?

William: 6:20

I used while I was in jail too. It was just, it was almost like a way of life to me that like I always had it around me, always had the means to get it. It was just, It was a very dark time for me. My life, I was running from the pain and the hurt of my childhood. And I was running from all these feelings that I didn't want to feel. And because I never really dealt with any of that stuff. I just pushed it down. And, my father died.

Phil: 6:56

While you were in prison?

William: 6:58

No, I had got out. And he had passed away. And that really set me off on a weird track. Because I never really knew what to do. I never was really able to function or, as a normal person in society. How old were you when your father died? I was 29. Okay.

Phil: 7:21

Okay. You're still in Warner Robins living on your own then after that or were you? Yes, I,

William: 7:28

I was staying in a trailer park and just trying to make my life go. I didn't even have a job and did you have any

Phil: 7:36

kind of relationship with your brothers?

William: 7:38

I did. I had a good relationship with my brother and my sister and they wanted to help me and they've tried to help me. But even with their efforts trying to help me and they love me so much, it was more like they were enabling me to keep going on that path.

Phil: 7:54

Really?

William: 7:54

Yeah, because they say you gotta hit the bottom to start looking up, and they were cushioning it. Oh. And it wasn't until they didn't know what to do, they didn't know how to help me. And they wanted to help me and my drug use had got worse because I started doing stuff like methamphetamine and when I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the drug use so I would be up for days at a time and then I would start having I want to say it was like hallucinations and things like that. And so I started feeling like everyone was out to get me and I was panicky and jumpy And I was homeless And you couldn't even get close to me. You couldn't help

None: 8:42

me

William: 8:43

And they were real worried because they didn't know where I was at What was going on with me? And that's just the way it was

Phil: 8:50

wow Were you living out on the ground outside or

William: 8:53

I had actually was staying outside. I had found a tent And I was staying in a tent up behind a church. And I was living back right on the edge of the woods. And it was brutal.

Phil: 9:08

Just trying to scrounge for food or just do whatever you could?

William: 9:13

Yeah, I was pretty much trying to just, make some kind of way without, without. I was trying to do these things without breaking the law. And that was like, it was so difficult. But, I thought, I started thinking, because of the things that I had done in my life, that I was a bad person. And I felt terrible about myself. I felt terrible about my life. And eventually, I got arrested, again. This time with drugs on me. And they sent me to a county jail and they wanted me to go to this PDC. And I had been to the PDC, I can't tell you how many times probably seven or eight times.

Phil: 10:00

What is PDC?

William: 10:01

It's a probation detention center. Okay. It's the guys on the side of the road that pick up the trash and stuff like that. Yeah, okay. Cut the grass. And I just felt like it was a revolving door. I felt as if, nothing was changing. I was like, this is not the answer to my problem. I've been here before. This doesn't work. And so someone told me about rehabilitation. And it's like, you could go to a rehab if you have a drug charge. And I was like, really? And so when I went into the courtroom they offered me the, they offered me the PDC sentence, and I immediately asked for rehab. I'm like, why is no one trying to send me to a rehab? I think rehab would help. And it was like, at the same time, everybody in the courtroom just started nodding. And I was okay. And they did. They sent me to here, into Columbus. And it was it was called Tomorrow's Hope. Okay. Is the place that I went to.

Phil: 11:04

Yeah, with Safe House Ministries.

William: 11:05

Through Safe House.

Phil: 11:06

And then you were you staying at the Freedom House, the men's shelter, while you were going through the Tomorrow's Hope program? I was,

William: 11:11

I was staying at the men's shelter because I'm not from this area. I don't have nowhere to go. And I had lost everything again. And it was just like just like being homeless again. At first, I hated it. At first, it was just like anything else that's good for you. I hated it. But after a while, because of being sober and being around these people it started to make sense to me. doing and why they were doing it. At first, I didn't understand any of it. They wanted me to put a lot of things on paper. It was a 12 step program. They wanted me to get with another person and work the program the way they wanted to work it. And at this point, I was humble enough to try it because even though I didn't know if it would work or I didn't really have faith in it I needed something. I needed something to help me because I couldn't help myself. I had tried to quit Several times and I had got I'd got up to 18 months clean time But then I go right back out there and use again and I was afraid I was Worried and I just didn't know where else to turn but I got into the program And I got serious about the program And things started changing. My problems didn't just go away, but the way I felt about things started to change. And so I like to think of myself as a spiritual person, a person who, loves God and loves what's right. The problem was, is I wasn't able to do it. And having knowledge of what's right and then doing the wrong thing. I was very conflicted with my spirit. And so when I got there and I got into the program, someone asked me a question, they said, what do you think? Are you a bad person or are you a sick person? And I really didn't think of myself as being sick. I thought of myself as being sick. Being bad doing I mean I was doing things that were not right. And so I had to reflect on that and Be sounding like I was sick that sounded a lot better than being bad But I didn't know anything about addiction. I had no idea About any of those things. I still thought that I was Okay, yeah that I could whoop it on my own and I couldn't And it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I spent a lot of time sitting in a room talking about it. Learning from it. Started taking notes about it. Yeah. Going home and reflecting on it. And had always went to services and things like that and tried to get involved with spiritual stuff, but I never was really able to kick the habit. That's it. Until I got here and I'm so thankful that everybody was so patient with me, I think a big part of it was not having the faith and not believing because I had done got myself so far down. I did not believe that I was capable of turning my life around. And when I started getting help, I started getting help from Higher power. God of my understanding. Yeah. And things started to change. It was like, I was tired of looking like the one who was making the I was making a fool out of myself and I was tired of it. I was tired of being the joke, I told someone, I says, I knew my life was a joke when I walked into the room and everybody just started laughing at me. And so things needed to change. My life needed to change. I was doing nothing but hurting myself and everyone around me when I thought I wasn't hurting anyone. So I needed the time to reflect and I needed the help of others. I can remember when I was in the program, they had this moment where they called me into the office and I went in there and they set me down and they said, I'm Mr. Foster, we're not sure if we can help you. And it just fell on me. I was like, what do you mean you can't help me? I need help. And if you're professionals and you can't help me, then what are we going to do? And at that moment, I realized that I needed to change my thinking and my attitude about stuff. A lot of things about me needed to change. But they were so ingrained, it was so deep, because I'd been doing it for so long. And change comes gradually. They realized that I was really putting forth the effort, so they were willing to work with me. And I think that's when we had our moment, our breakthrough. I was trusting people that I didn't know. And that was very foreign to me, because even people that I had known all my life. I didn't even trust them. And that's how I was living. I was living with, it was just me. I couldn't trust you. I couldn't have you around. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't And so the drugs had really taken their toll on me. They had caused me to have a mental breakdown. I thought I was going insane. And, um I was screwed up on the inside really bad, but working the program helped me to let a lot of that stuff go and helped me to realize that it's okay. There was a lot of things that were said, it's okay not to be okay. And so what I found was, is that when I got ready to face some of these things, all those feelings, all that. Fear, all that pain, all the every feeling that I was running from was still there and I still had to deal with it. And it was new to me because I was sober. And my way of coping with it was to get high, so I didn't have to feel these feelings. So I still had to feel all those bad feelings and learn how to deal with them. And thankfully someone was willing To be right there with me and work it. And so the whole time what I come to realize was that everybody was just trying to help me. And that's when I really started to feel bad because I had thoughts that they were, they had different thoughts. I thought I knew what people were thinking. How crazy is that? But it was very difficult to. Make a transition like that, and when I started to realize all that people wanted was for me to get better, no matter how, just, they wanted me to be okay, then I started to feel bad again, and I said, maybe what I need to do is I need to try to help others too. Maybe, cause life is so good now. I never imagined that I would be doing the things that I'm doing and living like I'm living now. I've got my own place, got a vehicle, going to work, just paying my taxes, doing everything that normal people do. And, um, it's really amazing because I never thought that I would have that kind of life. I was always running from the law. I was always hiding out somewhere. And, Now in my life, I don't have to hide from anything. I don't have, I can face everything. I make good decisions. I never could make a good decision when I was high. I always made a bad decision. I was turned around, spun around so much that you know how you get dizzy. Yeah, and that's what it was like With my daily life, I didn't know what to do, where to go, what, how, I didn't even know how to reach out for help. I had no idea that this kind of stuff was out here. The support is incredible, man. There's so much support out here that if a person really wanted to get well, they can get well. You just have to, you just have to look a little bit. You have to find what you're looking for. And so when I came here and I realized, hey, this is where I belong. This is it. I heard a lot of people's stories that were just like mine. There were differences, but I was like, basically that's what it was like for me. And it was so strange because I thought I was the only one. I thought nobody knows what it's like, but they do. And I started getting more trust in other people. I started being more sociable. Because I had isolated but now I'm actually living life and that's the difference.

None: 20:01

Wow. That's awesome. That's really awesome

Phil: 20:05

you have done a great job of describing that internal journey. Yeah. Just the process that you had to go through and that I think is similar that everybody has to go through. Of just first coming to the place where you want. Like you want something better and I guess realizing that your way hasn't been working and you need to listen and receive the help and instruction and suggestions of others. And then you really did well at just describing that change in the way you felt about yourself and the things you thought about others. You're helping me to really think, to realize when you talk about the dark times and just the paranoia and the fear and the anxiety and the self loathing, what was the image that you showed to others during that time? Was it a very different image or were you, did you, did people know that those were feelings were inside of you?

William: 21:02

That's a good question. It's so crazy because. One time I was walking down the street and I seen an old friend and she was with her mom and they were like, Hey, how you doing? And I was like, I'm doing okay. How you doing? Trying to play it off. I'd been homeless for about two years and she knew something was wrong, that's why they asked the question, am I okay? I couldn't let other people know how bad it was. I didn't want nobody to know because I didn't want nobody to really, I thought that they would manipulate it some kind of way. Here they are just trying to help and I'm pushing them away saying okay. I hadn't even ate in two days. And so I guess pride got in there a little bit. But yeah, I tried to keep my upkeep. I was washing my clothes in a bucket. And hanging them up in a tree and trying to present I'm not a homeless person, but things were really bad. And I wasn't, there were, man, so many times I'd be alone, I'd just break down and cry, just feeling terrible. Wow. But around other people, I tried to have this wall up. Yeah. And the wall was so fake that I'm sure that People can see right through it, but in my mind, I'm doing a good job in my mind. I'm keeping it together. And so it was such a crazy time. I'm actually surprised that I survived it and I made it through. And it was a friend of mine. He's dead now, but he had told me, he says You can only ride that lightning bolt for so long. And I was going through the refrigerator when he said it, and I stopped. And I was like, looked at him, and I was like, You're so right. You're so right. I just don't know how to get off. And things change, man. Situations change. A lot of it seemed like it was out of my hands. I had no control. I didn't have any control anymore. I didn't even have control over myself. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't control the situations. I couldn't control what I was doing. And I didn't understand it. And so there was a lot of confusion as well. There was, it was just so Frustrating, and the only thing at that time that I was clinging to was being numb. Numb me from this feeling, and unfortunately, that numbed all my other feelings, and I couldn't live like that no more. I didn't want to live like that no more. I heard the horror stories of other people. What happened to them, and how they turned out. And I kept thinking that's going to be me. That's going to be me. And thankfully, the arrangement that was made here in Georgia and was these programs. And I was able to get into one that accepted me. And, I got there and it took a little while for me to adjust because, I had my own way of thinking. And I had to let all that stuff go. So I had to quit thinking like that. I was thinking and I had to quit feeling The way I felt about things and that's what changed me my thinking and my feelings I they begin to change my situation didn't change but my thoughts and my feelings changed and that made a huge difference Because I was able to face the situation and then the situation changed.

None: 24:33

Yeah

Phil: 24:33

Wow And that's such a true Transcribed A true thing to think about that before our actual situation changes, it's our thinking that does have to change. Our thoughts, which lead to our beliefs, which lead to the actions we take, which lead to the outcomes that we get, right? And so your thinking changed, your actions begin to change as you start receiving the suggestions and following the plan. And then the outcomes changed dramatically and drastically. When you were there for that time of being homeless in the tent, were you with other people like an encampment or were you just totally on your own? Oh yeah. Isolated.

William: 25:14

I'm as isolated as they get, man. Yeah. I actually had some people show up and thought they were going to camp out up there and I was like nah, nah. And so I had walked off and there was some lady who was talking about. It was behind a church, right? And I had went across to these apartments, and I was walking through the apartments, and the lady was going, Have you seen a package that was on my porch? Somebody stole a package on my porch. And I was like, It might be that guy back there staying in the tent. Because they had camped, started camping out back where I was at. And I had done packed up and left and went somewhere else. It was like I was doing all kinds of things that I shouldn't have done. They probably didn't have nothing to do with it, but I was doing that kind of stuff, I thought, I thought I was smarter than everybody else. Yeah. And I was the idiot. That's what I had to realize is that I was living like an idiot and I needed to wake up.

Phil Shuler: 26:05

We look forward to being with you again next week as we share another testimony about the power and the goodness of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. if you are someone listening to this podcast that loves to hear these stories of the great things that God is doing in changing people's lives for the better, and if you would like to be a part of that work, please reach out to us You can reach us at 2101 Hamilton Road, Columbus, Georgia, 31,904. You can call us at seven oh six three two two. 3 7, 7 3, or you can email us at info@safehouse-ministries.com.

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone)-2: 26:43

Thank you so much for being with us this week for the renew restore and rejoice podcast of safe house ministries, we pray that God will bless you this week. And we look forward to having you back with us again next week for a new episode