Renew. Restore. Rejoice. A SafeHouse Ministries Podcast

Perspectives of Pain, Grace's Story: An Addict For a Mom, But A Mom Who Found Jesus, SafeHouse, and Victory! (Part 2)

• Phil Shuler • Season 2 • Episode 35

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Part 2 of Grace's Story!  When Grace was nearing the point of giving up on her mom forever, Kristie found SafeHouse Ministries and Tomorrow's Hope.  Kristie was Redeemed from her addiction and Grace's relationship with her mom was Restored!  This is an amazing conclusion and Grace shares even more helpful insight into the struggles that so many children face in our communities!

Grace:

And, I think, it started to get bad, probably, fourth grade. That was when I was, like, made fun of the most. Because of what had happened with my family. And I think that it cause everyone was like if she loved you, then why would she be in jail? And I think that was the biggest thing that has stuck with me. Because I think it just put the thought in my head. It's why? Like, why would she? Like, why would she be in jail if she loved me? And it was like, it was almost like a mind game for me. Because it was like, I'd hear all these things about my mom. And it's obvious it's from kids that don't even know her. You've never met my mom. So it was hard for me to understand that growing up that they were just talking to get to me. But I took that really hard. People would be like why would she pick that over her kid? And I would be like Wow, like I don't know Like I don't know who like, I don't know why she would that's not me But yeah, I think it just like really caused a lot of bullying for me And that was when I like seriously started to like You I have a lot of questions in my head because I didn't know what to think.

Phil Shuler:

HellO, and welcome to Renew, Restore, Rejoice, the Safe House Ministries podcast, where we share stories of the power of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. Safe House Ministries is based out of Columbus, Georgia, and we are a ministry that exists to love and serve people who have been affected by addiction, homelessness, and incarceration. I'm your host, Phil Shuler, the Director of Development for Safe House Ministries here in Columbus, Georgia. Safe House serves over 1, 100 people each month as they transition back into our community. Safe House provides an abundance of services including 213 beds for homeless individuals and families, case management for obtaining job skills and long term employment. Over 300 hot meals every day, free clothing, and so much more. One of the most incredible services that Safe House provides is our free 9 12 month intensive outpatient substance abuse program, which is state licensed, CARF accredited, and has no wait list. Almost 100 percent of individuals staying in our shelters who follow our three phase program become fully employed within a few months. And 68 percent of individuals who stay at least one night with us End up finding work and moving into their own home. Thank you for being with us today and listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoy this week's episode.

Phil:

When you began to understand what was going on, you said that was about the time that your mom started to turn the corner and get away from that and get clean and

Grace:

Yeah, so at the point where it was like all changing, it was more of it was like my mom would talk about it. She'd be like, So there's this program. And it's it's 12 steps. And they, she gets to live in a house with other people that are going through it. And they it was more just like explaining to me what the program was. And I was like that's whatever. She can do it if she wants. It's not gonna help. Nothing's helping her. She's been through it all. Nothing's changing. And I think it was at that point where I had shut down on my mom. And I quite literally wanted nothing to do with her. I know when she got out, I like, she was like, can I come see the kids? And I was like, I don't want to see you because at that point I had shut down because I genuinely thought that nothing was going to help her. And it was just going to be like that for the rest of my life. And then I was like, okay, whatever. She can do the program. I don't care. Like whatever it's whatever at this point. And then my mom had started the program and I remember the day we dropped her off. And I was looking around and I was like, I don't, how is this gonna help? And then, I remember it was kinda whatever to me, we'd see her on weekends it would be okay. She got a job, which wasn't like a step up, it was an improvement. And then, I think it was, So I started to notice progress, and her being better. And she would talk about how she was like, two weeks, a month clean, and it would be like, Okay, that's a start we're getting there. And then, I remember at her graduation from the program, I don't, they asked me to talk, because obviously I'm the kid They always want the kids, or the parents to talk, of the person. I remember I stood up, and I just started bawling my eyes out. Cause, number one, that was a big, like a packed room. But because now when I look back on that situation, I was so harsh on my mom when my mom was genuinely trying to get better, but she was stuck in a cycle of where she couldn't. And, it was like I stood up and it was like, I just bawled my eyes out. And then I remember like the only thing like I said was that like I love her. And I'm thankful for that program because it changed my mom's life and it gave me my mom back. So then it was the same thing. She had started living in a duplex and it was like at this point I'm, I was legally adopted by my grandparents. This happened in 2018. So it was a bit before but Thank you. Then I remember her year's celebration of being clean and it was like, they treat it like it's a birthday party and that was my first that was my first ever celebration that I'd ever been to for anybody and it was my mom's year, another girl's, I think five year, and then a man's 13 years. And I was like What? You're telling me my mom's gonna do that?

Phil (2):

I

Grace:

was like, that's crazy. I'd like, but then again I've never been around people that were like, In that cycle and then got out And were able to like, change their lives. I've never seen that. They had me speak at my mom's One year. And I, same thing. I cried. And that was when I like, truly started to meet Her friends. And then I started going to church with her sometimes, at her church. And obviously people, it's I would meet people and they would already know who I am. And I was like Mom, who is this?

Phil:

Was that weird?

Grace:

It was weird because it was like, I've never seen you before. Like, How do I know you? They were like, Oh, I know you on Facebook. I was like, Oh my gosh, how much is on Facebook? But, um, there's so many people that I feel like it's crazy because I'll meet people who have been through the same stuff and they ended up going to her high school the same year as her. And it's it's crazy. I didn't realize, like, how serious of a problem it was until I meet all these people and they've all been through it. I don't even know because sometimes I sit and think about it and I'm like, I don't ever want to go down that path. Because, like you see some of the ways that it affects these people. It like, it tears relationships up. It'll put you in a place where you'll never talk to certain people again. And it was like, when I would go to that church, and you would like see all these people that are like pouring their heart out to God, and they like, they relate to all the words in the song, like they're there like every Sunday. They're there, they talk to everybody. They're there, they talk to everybody. They're involved with everybody. It's like I've never seen that because I go to a traditional church and it's more of Y'all just stand there and lip sync, but y'all don't really Worship as much as they do at her church But I don't like I don't know growing up and just seeing that and processing it Of watching my mom get close with god Seeing my mom get back close with me and my little sister, it was like the only thing I could really do was like be thankful for this program. Because at the end of the day, if my mom didn't go to this program, I'd probably be in a completely different place. So it's I love them. They're amazing if you have doubts, go to them. I love them. But it's like at the end of the day, that program gave me my mom back. And now it's like I feel more normal because I have a relationship with my mom. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. It was I don't know. My whole thing is if she didn't go to Safe House, I don't know. I don't think I would be here. If she would've went, if she would've went somewhere else, or if she would've probably, I don't know. If she would've still been in jail, I don't know what I would've done. You think? I think I would have completely cut her off. Never spoke to her again.

Phil:

Yeah. Wow. How do you think that it has affected the trajectory of your life? You made the comment, like, when you started to really understand things, you were like, I don't ever want to go through that. how has that affected your resolve to, when you face situations where you could make the wrong choice?

Grace:

Okay, so there are two things I mean by that statement. I never want to do drugs. The only thing I'll maybe ever do is when I turn 21. Maybe drink alcohol occasionally, but we'll see when we get there, but I also mean like that. I don't ever want to go to jail thing So with the jail my mom was in they did a family day, which was like Somebody can come or like your child and somebody can come so my grandma took me up there to her jail and I got to like Not like see But I I was inside of the jail to be with my mom. They had hula hoops, they had games outside, and then they had raffle tickets so you could win in the cafeteria. All this, and at that point, I'm seeing everything that my mom goes through on a daily basis in jail. And it was like, that has just made me be like, no. Nope, not happening. I don't want to do it. I don't want anything to do with it. But, I think, like, how it's affected me, I've seen the damage that it can do, and I've seen what it does to people that you care about, and I think in situations where it's I have the choice to make the bad decision, it's like I think about what my mom put my family through and I think about all the pain that it caused me, and it's I don't wanna go down the same path. I don't wanna, I don't wanna do the stuff that she did. Because I've seen how bad it messed my family up.

Phil:

Yeah. So are you still going to church most of the time with your mom? Or do you split sometimes in different places?

Grace:

I think, majority of the summer It's I'll go to Mike. Church with my grandparents and my little sister, and then I'll go join my mom for her service because hers is later

Phil:

Okay, so you go to both services both places

Grace:

sometimes if I feel like if I feel like it, but Now it's more like I'll go on like special occasions With my mom, but majority every Sunday. I'm at church with my grandparents. So it's not like I don't go to church

Phil:

Where's y'all's church at?

Grace:

We go to st. Luke.

Phil:

Okay, and Awesome.

Grace:

Yep, that's where I went to school.

Phil:

Oh yeah? Okay. Yeah. Where are you in school now?

Grace:

Northside High School.

Phil:

Do you like it over there?

Grace:

It's okay.

Phil:

Yeah.

Grace:

It's school.

Phil:

Yeah, it's school. Are you pretty active and outgoing at school, or are you quiet and to yourself?

Grace:

I'm quiet, I get off the bus, I talk to my best friend, I go to my class. And then, when the bell rings, I'm out of there. Headphones are on, I'm on the bus, and I'm going home. Yeah. It's I really don't talk to anybody, besides my best friend. But, it's I don't really care. Cause at the end of the day, I'm here to get my education. Not to talk to y'all. So yeah that's my outlook on Northside.

Phil:

Okay. And Considering your experience of just growing up and the things you've had to deal with how has that affected your approach maybe to social media? Or has it, how has it been a factor in the way you maybe you use social media? Or has it not been a factor that you think?

Grace:

I've never really thought about that. How has it been a factor to social media? Okay. I don't really think it has an effect on my social media. I would say maybe like outlook on the only thing that I'll say is like dating. That is the only thing that I find it like, that it affects me in.

Phil:

Okay, how

Grace:

okay, so growing up, I didn't have my dad or my mom. And I've only met my dad once. I think once. And it was like, highly shamed. And I said his name once and my grandparents were like, You hang out with him again? To my mom? And it was like, it's what are they talking about? And it was like, I don't know, but the only thing is the, okay, my dad definitely affected me dating because it's He didn't love me. So I think I get in my head and it's If my own dad didn't love me, then why would a guy? But that's that's probably the biggest thing that affected me dating wise. My mom really doesn't. My mom will sit here and she'll be like, Grace, he's ugly. And it's funny because we'll just go back and forth and we'll be like, Mom, I don't want to hear it. My dad's ugly. But, I don't know, like my mom now, I don't think, when I was growing up I wasn't really dating. So my mom didn't really affect me. But the only thing that's like seriously affected me was like not having my dad during that. Because like when I'm dating, it's I get in my head and I overthink things because I'm like, My dad couldn't love me, so why would he? And it's like I self sabotage things because I get scared. of feeling that again. But, my mom's kind of just there, and she just reassures me. She's you're great. If he don't like you, that's his problem. But,

Phil:

Are you dating? Or are you just have friends?

Grace:

I'm not dating anybody, if that's what you're asking. But, I don't know. It's not like I'm like closed off. It's not like I don't want a boyfriend. Okay. When the time comes, it'll come.

Phil (2):

Yeah. Yeah.

Phil:

Alright. Do you have based on your experience, do you have some guardrails that you've already decided, I'm going to have these guardrails and try to have a healthier start to a relationship?

Grace:

I have a job.

Phil:

Oh, awesome. Where are you working at?

Grace:

nowhere at the moment.

Phil:

Okay. But you want, oh, you're saying you want him to have a job?

Grace:

Yeah.

Phil:

Gotcha. Okay. I

Grace:

have standards, I just don't have a lot.

Phil:

Yeah. Okay. You want, okay. You don't want a deadbeat. That's good.

Grace:

Yep. Have a job. Be respectful. Don't do drugs obviously. Yeah. But don't drink alcohol and don't go to parties. You can go to birthday parties. I'm just talking about

Phil:

parties. Yeah. That sounds like some good standards. Some good guardrails. Yep. Have you have you had anybody that has really been a strong father kind of figure, or not really, in your life?

Grace:

My granddad.

Phil:

How's your relationship with him?

Grace:

I live with him, my adopted father. I would definitely say he's more close with my little sister now, but that's just because Okay, my little sister plays softball. I used to play softball, that was when we were closer, but now we're not as close. He's more close with my little sister because she plays softball. And the whole thing with softball in our family is, my mom was a state championship pitcher at Harris County in 2000. I don't know, I feel like he's trying to relive the dream with my little sister.

Phil (2):

Yeah.

Grace:

And I don't do it, but we talk every day. Yeah. Like we, I don't have a problem. He's great. Love him to death, but Yeah, it's like sometimes I'll just go sit back there and see what he's doing But I would definitely say that he's closer with my little sister than me,

Phil (2):

but

Grace:

it's not like it's not like a oh He don't like me. No He loves me, but We talk at dinner. I'll go see him When I put my phone up at night When I go plug my laptop up, it's I talk to him all throughout the day. But it's just he spends more time with my little sister because he takes her to practice. Yeah, my relationship with my granddad is great.

Phil:

Good. So you guys have a family dinner every night? Or pretty often?

Grace:

Yes. Me, my little sister, my grandma, my granddad, and my great grandma. We sit down at 6. 30, around, every single night. And we all eat together and we talk together. And that's pretty much every day from Monday to Friday. And then Saturdays and Sundays, my mom will also be there. Because she works during the weeks. But, on Saturday and Sunday, she'll come eat with us.

Phil:

Awesome. Do you love that? Do you look forward to that? Or is that just a normal part of life? Awesome.

Grace:

It's okay. Recently, my little sister has decided to catch my attitude. It can go one of two ways. It can go fine, or it can end in Bailey getting her phone taken. But, we love Bailey, but she can do too much.

Phil:

When you say catch your attitude, does that mean like you used to have a bad attitude, and now you're better, but she has a bad attitude? Or what does that mean?

Grace:

I'm going to swallow my pride when I say this. I still very much so do have an attitude, but it's I try to work on it. So I'm not as bad, but you can tell on my face if something makes me mad. But it's like, Bailey, she's more vocal about it. If she has a problem, she's gonna say something. If she don't like Grammy's chicken, she gonna say it. And it's I sit there and I'm like, Bailey, shut up. Because what are you doing? She cooked for you. She'll even make you different sides. But you know me, if I have a problem, I just eat the food. Because food is food.

Phil:

It might show on your face, but you won't say anything about it.

Grace:

Oh, they know how I feel. It's we have mashed potatoes at least five times a week. And it's stop making mashed potatoes. I'm tired of them. But it's like, Bailey, if she had a problem with something, she's gonna be like, Can you make me mac and cheese, please? And then they're just gonna say no, get up and make it your own. But that's not my problem, but I think it's funny, because Bailey acts like me a lot of the time.

Phil:

How's y'all's relationship now?

Grace:

It's like the roles have switched, almost. I think Bailey's kind of at the point where she understands what all of it is. But, she didn't really go through it and understand it. Cause, now she's 11. And I was like 11 when I was going through it. But, I think, I don't know. I think we have every other sister relationship. We fight with each other. She has me to play Roblox with her. I don't know, she's funny. She, I don't know, she takes after me. Yeah. I swear, it's literally me, but smaller. Yeah. It's we like all the same things. Her room has started to look like mine now. I don't know, we kinda I don't know. We do our own things, and then it's like when we go out with each other, she loves to annoy me

Phil (2):

and

Grace:

then as soon as we get home, I try to be nice to her, and she's get out of my room. But, she's pretty awesome. Besides the fact that she makes me mad.

Phil:

Alright. Sounds like sisters. Over the years, and more recently as well, when you have experienced really Just dealing with hard things. What has brought you peace or comfort or what have you turned to that has helped you get through things

Grace:

turned to? Probably Or who has been

Phil:

there or what has been there. What has helped you through?

Grace:

My family.

Phil:

Yeah.

Grace:

My Bible. And Kaylee. Kaylee's my best friend.

Phil (2):

Okay.

Grace:

But if it's anything family related, I go to Kaylee. Okay. Peace. I swear, Kayla's been through it all. And she like, she knows me in and out for the person I am. But if it's if it's like I'm like upset or I'm crying, then most of the time I'll go talk to Grammy. But other than that Just church on Sunday.

Phil (2):

Yeah.

Grace:

Yeah. But then again, I don't really talk about a lot of the things I got through with my parents. So they really don't necessarily know. But it's more of a, But I think that's more of what my trauma did to me. Like I don't open up to people, I keep it to myself and I handle it my way. Most of the time it's just on church. I'll like, when we're praying, I'll pray my own little prayer about what I'm going through. And to guide me through the situation of what to do next. But yeah.

Phil:

Okay. How would you describe your personal relationship with God?

Grace:

I think Okay, I went through like the situation where I feel like a lot of people go through it. They're like God, why would you do that to me? Like why would you put me through all of that? but I definitely had that experience for a while with You know dealing with my mom and all of that stuff But no, I would say it's more like it's more of like I have a friend And it's like I ever need to talk. He's there. He ain't gonna judge me It's I don't know. That's probably the only thing that like, genuinely helps. Is just praying about it.

Phil:

Yeah. You pray a lot, you think?

Grace:

Probably four times every week.

Phil:

Awesome.

Grace:

Yeah. But if something's bothering me. Probably every day but, yep.

Phil:

Okay. How about your Bible? Do you read that on your own, or do you just enjoy reading it and studying it when you're at church?

Grace:

Me and Kaylee do this thing. Okay, so Kaylee got a devotional for her birthday back in June, and she she'll send me a photo of it every single day. And then we will go, and we will try. We will find a verse that relates to the devotional or something that we've gone through or experienced And we like write down in a journal about like why that verse stood out to us Or like sometimes we'll read from a certain part in a chapter to a different part so and then talk about like how we like relate to that or how we see like the point or The topic of the message Like, other than that, yeah, like I, I do read my Bible a good amount. But, most of the time, it's like only if it's like a bad week for me that I'm like seriously involved in my Bible, which I know is bad. But, I'm working

Phil:

on it. Alright good. What's your relationship with your mom like now?

Grace:

I see her majority. of the weekend. I don't really see her during the week because she's working and I'm at school. But, I see her like, pretty much every weekend. Sometimes me, her, and my sister will go to Six Flags. Sometimes we just go to Starbucks. My mom is my friend. One of my best friends. She's seen a lot of my teenage years. But, I don't know, she's one of my best friends but now, I don't know, our relationship has changed a lot. Going from what I went through with her, and experiencing all that, to now, us being as close as we are. Our relationship's good I don't have any complaints about it. It's kinda I don't know, now it just feels more normal, cause it's that's my mom. I feel like I relate to more people when they say they have a good relationship with their mom.

Phil:

Good. That's good. What kind of advice would you offer for other people to encourage someone that might be going through something like that, like what you went through, or Kaylee went through, and just, how can other people be a help, be a support, be an encouragement?

Grace:

I would say try to find something that helps you express how you feel. Even if you just need to write what you feel down on a piece of paper. Or, I would say, talk to somebody about it. You can talk about it as much as you feel comfortable with. If you don't feel that comfortable, then obviously don't express that much. But, um, pray about it. You can write it down. You can talk about it. I would say definitely, if you have a support system, then open up to them, because most of the time, they won't judge you. But also, if you know somebody who's been through that situation, then I'm like 99 percent sure you can always talk to them about it, and they'll be completely open to talk to you. I know when people ask me to talk about how Or to listen to them talk about how it affected them. I'll always listen because I know how it felt to go through that alone. I always try to be there for somebody if there's something wrong or bothering them because I don't want them to feel like they're alone in that situation and they don't have anyone to talk to. But yeah, I would just say pray about it, write it down, or talk to somebody or people you trust

Phil:

okay. What? What do you think are some of the really important lessons that you've learned, just based on what you've lived through and seen and dealt with in your life?

Grace:

Probably the two biggest lessons for me is that God is always listening to you, and don't give up on somebody just because of one mistake, but those are like the two biggest things that I've learned. But, some smaller things is like, trust the process. Just because you think it's not going to work, don't mean it won't.

Phil:

Like back when your mom was going through the Tomorrow's Hope, or the Safe House Ministries, the whole recovery program, trust the process that it can be a help.

Grace:

Yep.

Phil:

Yeah, that's good. Anything else you want to add?

Grace:

Not that I can think of.

Phil:

Yeah. Anything else that you would share? Maybe just that could be an encouragement to someone else that maybe dealing with some struggles

Grace:

don't give up on yourself. God has a plan for you

Phil:

that's good. Yeah. That's really good. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for. teaching us and giving us some insight into what it's like growing up with a parent that's dealing with addiction and in and out of prison or jail and just the struggles. Yeah, it's you've shared some really helpful things and some very insightful things and given some good lessons and you're right. God has a plan for every one of us. God loves us. He loves us so much more than we have any idea of so thank you.

Grace:

Thank you for having me.

Phil:

Yeah. Do you mind if I close this in a word of prayer? No. Alright. Dear Lord, I thank you for your goodness. Thank you for Grace and for her family. Lord, for her grandparents. And thank you for, just, God. Getting her mom's heart and turning her life around and redeeming her. Thank you for Bailey. I just pray you'd bless grace and Bailey and their whole family. that you would guide grace in her path and the things that you want her to do. The plan that you have for her, Lord, I pray that she would listen and receive your guidance, that she would follow you with all her heart, that she would grow closer to you, help her to begin to understand your word and just bless her path and her her life that you want for her to live and help her to bring glory to you. I pray in Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Phil Shuler:

We look forward to being with you again next week as we share another testimony about the power and the goodness of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. if you are someone listening to this podcast that loves to hear these stories of the great things that God is doing in changing people's lives for the better, and if you would like to be a part of that work, please reach out to us You can reach us at 2101 Hamilton Road, Columbus, Georgia, 31,904. You can call us at seven oh six three two two. 3 7, 7 3, or you can email us at info@safehouse-ministries.com.

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone)-2:

Thank you so much for being with us this week for the renew restore and rejoice podcast of safe house ministries, we pray that God will bless you this week. And we look forward to having you back with us again next week for a new episode.