Renew. Restore. Rejoice. A SafeHouse Ministries Podcast

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places and All the Wrong Faces: Tracy Doughty's Story (Part 1)

• Phil Shuler • Season 2 • Episode 43

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Tracy's story is a powerful illustration of how the enemy works to destroy so many people's lives.  Tracy lived what she learned, and that led to great sorrow and heartache.  But as Tracy states more than once in this interview, God was there all along, and He had a plan to redeem and restore her.  One of the most tragic things Tracy experienced was the death of her 5-year-old son when an old farm tractor rolled on top of him and crushed his lungs, but Tracy has found healing from God even for this.  What a powerful testimony she has, this is a podcast episode you do not want to miss!

Tracy:

Both of my parents were alcoholics. my mom had me when she was 14, She never got the help that she needed. And by this time, I was a teenager, and I thought that having a baby was normal. At that age, because she had me at 14, so I had one at 15, and unfortunately, the guy that I was with was not very good to me, but I accepted the beatings and the cheating and, because I thought it was normal. That's what I've seen throughout my dad and her.

Phil Shuler:

HellO, and welcome to Renew, Restore, Rejoice, the Safe House Ministries podcast, where we share stories of the power of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. Safe House Ministries is based out of Columbus, Georgia, and we are a ministry that exists to love and serve people who have been affected by addiction, homelessness, and incarceration. I'm your host, Phil Shuler, the Director of Development for Safe House Ministries here in Columbus, Georgia. Safe House serves over 1, 100 people each month as they transition back into our community. Safe House provides an abundance of services including 213 beds for homeless individuals and families, case management for obtaining job skills and long term employment. Over 300 hot meals every day, free clothing, and so much more. One of the most incredible services that Safe House provides is our free 9 12 month intensive outpatient substance abuse program, which is state licensed, CARF accredited, and has no wait list. Almost 100 percent of individuals staying in our shelters who follow our three phase program become fully employed within a few months. And 68 percent of individuals who stay at least one night with us End up finding work and moving into their own home. Thank you for being with us today and listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoy this week's episode.

None:

Good morning. This morning on the podcast. I have Tracy with me Tracy. How do you say your last name? Dowdy. Dowdy. Tracy Dowdy. It's so good to have you. Thank you. Thank you for being here and being willing to share your story. It's good to have you. Thank you. And Tracy is someone that currently works with with safe house, right? You're yes. What do you do with safe house right now?

Tracy:

I am a house manager at the Grace house. Awesome.

None:

Awesome.

Tracy:

Yeah

None:

Doing well helping others. Yes serving the Lord helping others praise the Lord, but it was a journey to get to that place

Tracy:

It was a door that was opened and I believe that's where my calling is This is serve others through Jesus.

None:

Awesome. Tracy I would love to ask you if there was one word that you think might

Tracy:

best

None:

describe you, what would that word be?

Tracy:

Thankful.

None:

Thankful. That's a great word. And what makes you say that?

Tracy:

Because he loved me where I was and pulled me from the darkness.

None:

Praise the Lord.

Tracy:

Yeah.

None:

And a lot to be thankful for.

Tracy:

Absolutely. Yeah. Every day.

None:

Where did you grow up?

Tracy:

Here in Columbus, Georgia.

None:

Here in Columbus. What was what was growing up like for you? Family life?

Tracy:

Both of my parents were alcoholics.

Phil:

Yeah.

Tracy:

I seen a lot that I probably should have never seen. There was a lot of violence in the family, a lot of drinking. At one point my mom had me when she was 14,

None:

wow.

Tracy:

Yeah, that was pretty young.

None:

That's very young.

Tracy:

Wow. I followed her pattern growing up into a teenager. And I had my first child when I was 15. Wow.

None:

So your mom had you when she was 14. And were you there? Was she living with her parents at the time? No. Or?

Tracy:

I heard my dad were married. I didn't realize the age that my dad was until later on in life. I just knew that was my mom and dad. But when I seen the birth, when I really just studied my birth certificate, it was like my mom was 14 and we lived on 4th Avenue. And my dad was 28 and I'm like, Oh my gosh, what is going on? Wow.

None:

So your mom got married when she was 14? Yes. I'm assuming legally, maybe her parents had to sign off on that?

Tracy:

Most likely. That's wow. My granny did. Wow. That is Yeah. Wow. But my granny was also an alcoholic too. Yeah. Okay. It was sad.

None:

A pattern of

Tracy:

alcoholism. Yeah. Absolutely.

None:

So your mom was 14, your dad was 28, and you came along. And what was the early years like?

Tracy:

Like one time we went to the fair and she told them I was her sister.

None:

Great. Wow. Wow. How old were you at that point?

Tracy:

Oh, I was probably about maybe 11 or 12.

None:

Okay.

Tracy:

That was I didn't understand the concept behind that, but yeah. That's just what we grew up together. So you were

None:

Like buddies, like like just growing up. Yeah, but

Tracy:

she was still my mama, um, when. I can just remember her drinking. And when she did get of age and I really can't remember if it was 18 or 21 in her years, but I can remember her getting ready to go out. She'd be putting this Disco stuff on it.

None:

Like music and?

Tracy:

With the outfits that went with the music. Oh. And I knew what was going on. I didn't like it. I was 5. When you were young.

None:

I did. So I guess you were probably what, 5, 6, 7 ish around then? Yes. And you started seeing that?

Tracy:

Maybe 8, but a little younger. She would take us to a babysitter, and I remember her name, and it was on 29th Street, and her name was Miss Jean. But mom would go out, party, and say that she would promise us that she would see us the next day, and we wouldn't see her for two weeks. Wow. At a time.

None:

And that was fairly frequent that she would just do that and yeah,

Tracy:

it was

None:

so miss Jean was just a Friend that you guys were just staying with she was the

Tracy:

neighborhood babysitter for all the moms that

None:

Wow

Tracy:

yeah,

None:

so that so there was a bunch of other kids that because of a she just

Tracy:

she was That's how she made her money, I guess but

None:

so she raised a lot of kids Wow. She

Tracy:

did. Yeah.

None:

Wow.

Tracy:

It was a lot.

None:

So that would be Fairly frequent. You just drop you off and go party, do whatever for two weeks at a time

Tracy:

And

None:

then she would come back and

Tracy:

pick us up.

None:

Yeah.

Tracy:

There was one time that she did remarry and She pulled one of those stunts and at that time it was my baby sister's dad Found us and come and got us and took us where my mom couldn't find us'cause she left us there, whoa. Wow. Yeah,

None:

so I guess the first husband, he joined her in the partying and was like, yeah, let's lead the kids. And,

Tracy:

That would've been my dad and no he did not, he would beat her up pretty bad in front of us choke her until she passed out in front of us. That's horrible. I've seen him. Put a sawed off 12 gauge shotgun between her eyes. And I've actually seen him get shot right in front of my face. Yeah. Wow. With his ex wife. And I was young.

None:

Wow. Young 6, 7, 8? That kind of, the same time frame? No, I was

Tracy:

younger. I was younger than that. And this was on 23rd Street. And I can vividly remember. What color the car is, who was in the car and how it happened. Wow. Yep.

Phil:

Oh, man. But,

Tracy:

It's okay though, because you know what, I didn't know then, and I didn't know While I was growing up, but God had his hands on me, for sure.

None:

Yeah. So that that was, at what point did that first husband leave and get off the scene? Or did your mom end up leaving him,

Tracy:

Actually, she did end up leaving him, and then they got remarried. Again, and it didn't work out. then that's when she met my baby sister's dad and then she continued spiraling out with her drinking problem. And finally we moved to California, to Stanley State, California for five years.

None:

How old were you then?

Tracy:

I was, Phil, there's so much that happens within the years that I can't even keep track. I was young. I can't really remember the age, but

None:

not a teenager yet. You were still

Tracy:

why I was not, I believe I was in fifth or sixth grade at that point.

Phil:

Yeah. Okay. Wow.

Tracy:

It was a good life then. Yeah. Yeah.

None:

Thinking back of that time with your mom is there anything that stands out about just, I don't know the, did your mom ever get her life back? Unfortunately,

Tracy:

she didn't. She passed away in 2002 and she was still an alcoholic. But, there was a lot I didn't know about my mom growing up. Hurt people, and she, we were in church. We did go to church, but not all the time. And I didn't, I did know God. I just didn't have a relationship with Him. I didn't know anything about that. But Mom she, Lord bless her soul. I love her so much. I miss her. But she was hurt when she was growing up. She was molested, and When you don't go get help and you it just continues and I think that's why she continued with her alcoholism is because she didn't know how to fix it, she didn't know where to go and wish that was Jesus.

None:

Yeah. Wow. Did that abuse in her life, did it ever affect you like directly? No,

Tracy:

absolutely not. She was very she sheltered us, believe it or not, even in her alcoholism as much as she could. And it's, when she got married to my baby sister's dad, everything changed after a while, when she's seen, hey, I got a husband that loves me, and that's not gonna abuse me, and that's gonna accept me for who I am. And that's when we moved to California.

None:

Okay, so what was that time period like?

Tracy:

It was great.

None:

Yeah?

Tracy:

Yeah, it was good. It was normal.

None:

Awesome. It was

Tracy:

normal. But, we didn't go to church. But it was a normal childhood to me. Yeah. Because there was no drinking going around and partying going on.

None:

So she was a little more stable at that time.

Tracy:

And she had my sister, my baby sister. And so that was amazing. We got to name her Jamie after what Six Dollar Million, the Million Dollar Man with Jamie. Yeah.

None:

Yeah. Okay.

Tracy:

We named her Jamie after her. It's like

None:

the bionic, Yes. That's it. Yes. Yes. That's awesome. About five years you were in California? We were. Okay. And then what brought about a change from that?

Tracy:

My mom wanted to come home and visit and that was probably the worst decision that she could ever have made.

Phil:

Oh.

Tracy:

Because she spiraled out again and The next thing I know, we were on a plane coming back home. And she divorced he divorced her,

None:

and Because she started spiraling, and he's sick. Yeah, again.

Tracy:

She never got the help that she needed. And by this time, I was a teenager, and I thought that having a baby was normal. At that age, because she had me at 14, so I had one at 15, and unfortunately, the guy that I was with was not very good to me, but I accepted the beatings and the cheating and, because I thought it was normal. That's what I've seen throughout my dad and her. So

None:

You just expected that's the way it is? Yeah,

Tracy:

that's, I expected that. And then one day I just He had put me in the hospital like three times. He's it was actually a professional boxer. Wow he had to go to gloves of New Mexico and Yeah, I just Only said I can't do this anymore. I just can't I walked away from it.

None:

How old were you at that point?

Tracy:

When he say 20

None:

So you were with him from about six

Tracy:

years

None:

Okay. So you guys got together around 14, had a baby at 15 and for, until you were 20, you were just,

Tracy:

wow. And I was didn't think about this, but the other day I was thinking back through my whole life. In my teens, I was going to the doctor getting diet pills. So I actually was in. My addiction as a teenager and didn't realize it. Diet pills? Diet pills.

Phil:

Okay.

Tracy:

Yep.

Phil:

Wow.

Tracy:

Yep, so I never picked up drinking, but I did the pills. Yeah, okay.

None:

do you have a boy or a girl, that first child?

Tracy:

I have a son. Okay. My first son, he passed away when he was five. Oh, was

None:

that, so that was before you left your

Tracy:

was

None:

husband at the time or just? We were just together. Yeah. Yeah.

Tracy:

He was my firstborn. Matthew. Little Matt is what we called him.

None:

Was that what? Did that spurred you to get out of that?

Tracy:

No, I still had more children with him. I had twins after that. And one of the twins passed away at four months. Wow. Yes, and then I was pregnant with quadruplets, but I had a miscarriage yeah. Wow. Yeah. I blame God for the death of my five year old.

None:

How did that happen?

Tracy:

He was at my dad's and they were on a farm and there was a tractor that was chained up. It didn't work but it was like a riding lawnmower. It was chained up to the tree and him and Christopher were playing on it and it started rolling downhill and he got in front of it and it crushed his upper respiratory system. Oh wow. Yeah. He was

None:

five. And how old were you? You were 19 maybe or?

Tracy:

1920. Wow. Yeah. I'm telling you, I can't move my fingers. I'm sorry. Yeah. And still with that

None:

first boyfriend.

Tracy:

Yeah, I was still with him. But I thought it was okay. But it wasn't. But you know what? Through all this time, I can look back and even though I was angry with God Oh, he was still with me because he loved me while I was at. Yeah. And I didn't know that until I formed my relationship with him.

None:

Wow. Yeah. You're around 20, 21. You're in the hospital and you have one child living maybe at that time?

Tracy:

I do. He's 37.

None:

And so that was a point you said that you're like,

Tracy:

This is

None:

crazy. I'm going to get out of this relationship after I lost a

Tracy:

quadruplets.

None:

Okay.

Tracy:

So I'm looking at almost 21.

None:

And how old was your son at that point?

Tracy:

Christopher was, I was 17 when I had him. So he was maybe two or three somewhere

None:

around there. What happened that. Helped you say this is crazy. I don't want this. I need to get out of this. What happened? How did you come to that decision to leave that abusive relationship?

Tracy:

I got tired of it

None:

Yeah,

Tracy:

I got tired of it and still have not had a relationship with Jesus yet, but I just knew That I was tired of it. I didn't know my word. So I still it was still a pattern. Yeah. I Was looking for love in all the wrong places and definitely All the wrong faces. So I ended up getting married. And,

None:

So you found somebody else.

Tracy:

I ended up getting married. And We built a house from ground up. We had good jobs. And Got a taste of the good life on the other side. You know what I mean? I didn't have anything to worry about.

Background:

Yeah.

Tracy:

And I have my son and he was bold and, but it still just was not, we ended up in a divorce because he cheated on me.

None:

Oh, he wasn't abusive, but he cheated on you?

Tracy:

Wow. So it was more or less like a controlled thing with him.

None:

Yeah.

Tracy:

Yeah.

None:

Wow. And how long after, how long, how old were you about that time?

Tracy:

I didn't get married until I was 25. Wow. Wow. So I wanna say 31. We were, so you guys

None:

were married for a good bit? Okay. And then you divorced him? He divorced me. he divorced. Oh, wow.

Tracy:

Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

None:

So what'd you do from there? Did you get Christopher with you? I

Tracy:

did. Okay.

None:

I

Tracy:

did. Um. I ended up in another relationship that we were not married and we were together for maybe two years. At this point I wasn't doing pills. I was I did drink on the weekends at that point. It wasn't through the day, but it was just through the weekends and we would go camping with the kids, his children, and Christopher, at Mulberry Creek, we would just do the weekends with the kids, but there was drinking involved.

None:

Yeah.

Tracy:

Yeah.

None:

So you, you had started drinking?

Tracy:

Just the weekend. Yeah. Yeah, not a whole lot. You said doing the

None:

diet pills still?

Tracy:

No. Okay. At this point, I wasn't anymore. You were just, it was

None:

alcohol started to become.

Tracy:

Yeah. But just the weekend. And I know I keep saying just weekends and I say that because I guess it was more of a social. Thing on the weekends,

None:

okay. Yeah, you guys were stable for a while.

Tracy:

Yes I was assistant manager at Stuart Finance Company and he worked for Holbrook's Plumbing. Okay. So yeah, we it was pretty stable But then he came up to me one day and asked me for my blessings that he was getting married because he had a baby on the way.

None:

Just out of nowhere, just like shock and yes.

Tracy:

So I've been hurt through the years and didn't understand why I chose these people. And I guess it was again, a pattern. Wow.

None:

So what, where'd you go from there after he comes to you and says I know we've been together for however long, but I got someone else pregnant. I'm going to get married. Will you bless me? And what, where did you go from there?

Tracy:

So I met my second husband and his name was Randy and he was superintendent at Kegels and I was still at. Stuart Finance Company, and we dated for a while, ended up getting married, and I lived in, we lived in Hamilton at that time, Georgia, and everything was great, but he had custody of his son, and he, when you're, you just don't let a twelve year old boy sleep in the bed with you when you're, young. Married, and it became a problem and he was, I think he was hurt because his mom and dad wasn't together. So he really Held it against me because he felt like I took his mom's place yeah, and I you know, I tried to love on them as much as I could but it's a blended family And so it was a lot.

Phil:

Yeah.

Tracy:

Yeah, so we ended up getting a divorce after that It was only a three year marriage Yeah. Wow.

None:

And then, what next?

Tracy:

I had a wreck.

None:

Okay. A car accident? A

Tracy:

car accident. And that's how I got back on the pain. That's how I got on pain pills. From the car wreck. And I ended up with somebody that was in more shape than I was on them. He was stealing them from me. And I ended up marrying him. So he

None:

was addicted to pain pills. And then you got started on pain pills.

Tracy:

Pain pills, but a lot of other things I didn't know about at that, yeah, at that time. But we were married 11 years and he passed away. We were not together when he passed away, but yes, he's yes, that was that I believe. I feel at that time, when I married him, that's when I met darkness. And it began with Full blown. It was like a whole new world that I never knew about with him.

None:

Wow. And the darkness was in him. Yes. And he was in the darkness. Yes. And that, did that kind of draw you into the darkness?

Tracy:

It did.

None:

It did.

Tracy:

It

None:

really did. What did that look like? How, what was that progression?

Tracy:

It was scary. It was scary. I, I was, at this point I was still doing the pain pills and he was still on them for me. My son and his wife was on meth and he was doing meth as well.

None:

You're saying Christopher was on meth? Yes, he was. So Christopher had somewhere along the way.

Tracy:

Yes, lost his way As well.

None:

Did you know that from the beginning? No,

Tracy:

I didn't know what it was. I didn't at that point I didn't know what it was then. And was

None:

it that man that introduced Christopher or was Christopher in that world before?

Tracy:

Yes, Christopher was in that didn't know it. I didn't know what it was. When I did find out, I absolutely hated it. I just oh my gosh, where did this thing come from? Where did this drug come from for it to destroy my son? Because he's lost all of his children. He had eight children, nine children, but eight of them have been adopted out now because of it. Wow. How old

None:

was he around that time? He was

Tracy:

young. He was like 17, 18. And it was his wife at the time. That turned him on to it.

None:

Was he still living with you at the time? No. No, he was married

Tracy:

and So he got married young? Yes, he did. And he had his first child young as well.

None:

How old, was he like 16, 17 when he got married?

Tracy:

He was like 17. Wow.

None:

And I guess you thought that was normal too, just cause you had Yeah, I did. You saw that and I did.

Phil:

Wow.

None:

So you found out that he was In the midst of deep darkness, and then you married a fella that was there, and How did you get drugged deeper into that?

Tracy:

I got on meth. All for pills, and I got into the meth world.

None:

Just wanted to try it since he was doing it, kind of thing, maybe? Yeah,

Tracy:

I did. And I'm telling you, that drug is so demonic, it will drag you down through there. It got to where I had, from a house of paying bills food on the table, lights and water, to living in a house just paying rent with no water, no lights, no food.

Phil:

Wow.

Tracy:

Yes. I didn't, I, I quit working. I quit working, and we were just living off of his check at that time, which wasn't much, but wow. Any evictions after eviction? It was it was pretty bad. Wow. Yeah.

None:

Were you ever on the streets or did you always Oh

Tracy:

yeah. Yes. After he passed away? Not after he passed away, I had left him and I went and stayed with my sister and we were all in our mess there.

None:

Your sister as well?

Tracy:

Yes, and she still is.

None:

Oh.

Tracy:

And but anyhow, I was living with my sister and we were all in our mess there. And they lied to the police and told the police that, I didn't live there, but all of my stuff was there. I paid rent and everything, and I just, somehow or another, I got pushed off that property and I was not allowed to go back on that property. I had to go through, in order to get my things, I would have had to have went to a judge to set up a time.

None:

So this was your sister's place that she was renting maybe,

Tracy:

and

None:

they just kicked you out.

Tracy:

Her, my niece, and my ex daughter in law at the time.

None:

So you were homeless at that point?

Tracy:

I was, and I had nowhere to go. I remembered a friend of my brother's. His name was Jody. And I went to him. I didn't know what to do. I'd never been in the streets before. I just didn't know what to do. And so I went to him. And told him what happened and he just helped me out along the way. And because of that we ended up in a relationship. And we lived in a Bando. I would wash clothes by hand.

None:

Bando is just an abandoned house that you just found

Tracy:

it belonged to someone but he was in jail but there was no electricity. But there was water, but no electricity. And, so I would wash clothes by hand and I don't know, I thought I was grateful just because I wasn't in the streets anymore and I could at least do that much, but, it ended up from a house with no electricity to another house, oh in tents. I lived in tents in people's backyards. We went from there to another bando on the south side. And then a tent in the backyard of that place. And two park benches on the river walk. Wow. Sleeping behind bushes, covering up with a tarp.

Phil:

Wow.

Tracy:

And living in motels, working, just, trying to, yeah. It was a scary time in my life.

None:

Were you were together with that other fellas? Yeah. Through all of that.

Tracy:

Yeah. I was he he cheated on me as well, but I didn't know. I just didn't know. I couldn't live in the streets. I didn't know how to live in the streets by myself.

Phil:

Yeah.

Tracy:

Because I was never I was never, I never thought I would that would happen to me, but it did.

None:

So you, so he was the security that you had during that time. Yes how long of a time period was that?

Tracy:

Oh gosh, that was four years. Four years. Yes. Yes. Wow.

None:

Still in, in deep addiction with the meth and

Tracy:

wow. And it was very scary. So evil. The things that I've seen is just

None:

What was one or two of the, just the scariest, craziest things that you saw during that time?

Tracy:

I can tell you this. There's some woods behind a safe house that we stayed at in a tent. And honestly, Phil, I shouldn't even be here right now. We had no idea that someone else was staying there and they didn't like it because we were there. And he came through with a 22 shooting and those bullets just were going anywhere and I honestly should not be here right now. Wow. The other time was in the same place before that happened was that Jody was there and people were back there with flashlights and I was on the ground for a whole hour and I would not move because I was scared to death. I didn't know what they were coming for. I thought I was going to die. Wow. And when I realized that I was okay, I jumped up and I called, I, I begged somebody to please let me use their phone because I didn't know where my phone was. And I had my ex sister in law come pick me up and me and my dog stayed in her truck all night long because I was so scared. I was crying hysterically. I I thought I was gonna die

Phil:

wow.

Tracy:

I thought I was gonna die. I've been through some things that I wouldn't wish nobody to go through. It was scary. It was scary.

Traci is in the midst of the darkest point in her life, and what a powerful illustration her life is of the strategy that the enemy uses to destroy so many lives. Traci simply followed the pattern that she saw in her mom and her parents, and it led to so many failed relationships. So much heartache, so much sorrow, but wow. Can you hear the peace and the joy and the, just the healing in Traci's voice, even as she recounts the horrendous things that she went through, the peace and the joy and the healing that is in her spirit. I. That comes from Jesus, and next week you'll hear how everything turned around. You will hear how the darkness turned into light by the power of the son, the son of God, who redeemed and restored and did an amazing miracle in traci's life. So please come back next week. You will not wanna miss the conclusion of Traci's story and I look forward to being with you again then. God bless you.

Phil Shuler:

We look forward to being with you again next week as we share another testimony about the power and the goodness of God to change lives through Safe House Ministries. if you are someone listening to this podcast that loves to hear these stories of the great things that God is doing in changing people's lives for the better, and if you would like to be a part of that work, please reach out to us You can reach us at 2101 Hamilton Road, Columbus, Georgia, 31,904. You can call us at seven oh six three two two. 3 7, 7 3, or you can email us at info@safehouse-ministries.com.

Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone)-2:

Thank you so much for being with us this week for the renew restore and rejoice podcast of safe house ministries, we pray that God will bless you this week. And we look forward to having you back with us again next week for a new episode.