Salary Negotiation Part 1: Why You're Afraid to Ask (And Why You Shouldn't Be)

By not negotiating your starting salary, you could be walking away from over $500,000 in lifetime earnings. But 70% of professionals never even try—because they're terrified the offer will be pulled.

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on what REALLY happens behind the scenes when you negotiate. After 21 years in HR and nearly a decade as a recruiter, I've made over 1,000 job offers—and I've NEVER seen one pulled just because someone asked to negotiate.

In Part 1, you'll discover:

• Why your fear of negotiating is completely unfounded (backed by real data)
• The $12,000+ companies invest to find you—and why that gives you power
• How to evaluate the FULL compensation package (not just salary)
• What bonuses, benefits, commute costs, and vacation really mean for your bottom line
• Why 85% of people who negotiate get results, but only 30% even try

This episode is for you if: You've ever accepted the first offer out of fear. You're underpaid and don't know how to ask for more. You're evaluating a job offer right now and feeling anxious about negotiating.

I'm Njsane Courtney, VP of HR at American Bureau of Shipping and creator of "My Friend in HR." I've spent two decades on both sides of the negotiation table, and I'm giving you the insider playbook companies don't want you to have.

Your job is meant to support your life. Your life isn't meant to support your job.

🎧 Listen to Part 2 for the exact words to say and when to shut up during negotiations.

📧 Questions? Email me at myfriendinhr@gmailcom 

📱 Connect: @MyFriendinHR YouTube

@MyFriendIn_HR on Instagram & Twitter | Njsane Courtney on LinkedIn

Transcript

Welcome And Why Negotiation Matters

SPEAKER_01 0:00

This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered formal legal advice. Please note that the policies of your company and laws in your country may vary. Also, the views expressed by the host or his guests do not necessarily reflect the views of any other company or entity.

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Welcome, career conquerors, to my friend in HR, your one-stop shop for all things related to career fulfillment and the elusive world of human resources. I'm your host and friend, Jasani Courtney. And here's one thing that might shock you. By not negotiating your starting salary on that first job out of college, you could be walking away from over a half a million dollars in the lifetime of your career. Yeah, you heard me right. This is not a typo, you didn't mishear me. Over $500,000. And that is the kind of money that changes lives, like paying off student loans, buying a home, and funding your retirement. And before you think, well, that doesn't apply to me, listen to this. Research from Harvard Business School shows that 85% of people who negotiate their salary actually get at least some of what they're asking for. 85%. And yet only 30% of us even try. I have been in HR for more than two decades. I have sat on both sides of that table, and I know exactly what happens in those rooms when you're not there. And today I'm going to pull back that curtain and give you the insider playbook. Because here's the truth most companies don't want you to know.

The Fear Of Offers Being Pulled

SPEAKER_00 1:36

They're actually expecting you to negotiate. And when you don't, you're leaving money on the table that was already budgeted for you. So this is part one of a two-part series on salary negotiation. Today, we're going to tackle the fear that is keeping you from asking for what you deserve. And I'm going to show you exactly what's happening behind the scenes when a company makes you an offer. In part two, we're going to dive into the actual tactics, the exact words to say, when to say them, and how to close that deal. But first, we got to get your head on right. Because if you're paralyzed by fear, there's not a tactic in the world that's going to help you. Let's start with the elephant in the room. You know, that voice in your head telling you that if you dare negotiate, they're going to pull the offer. Look, I get it. I've heard this from folks for years. I've heard it from friends, families, and even fellow HR professionals. But here's what I need you to understand. And I'm gonna be very clear because I need you to understand this. In my 21 years of HR, I have never, and I am serious, I mean I have never seen an offer automatically get pulled back just because the candidate tried to negotiate. Let me say that again for the folks in the back who aren't listening. I have never seen an offer get pulled just because someone tried to negotiate. Now I will tell you what I have seen. I've seen people leave money on the table because they were too afraid to ask. I've seen talented professionals accept offers for $10,000, $15,000, $20,000 below the market rate because they thought that negotiating would make them seem like they were being difficult. I've seen people sacrifice their financial futures because they were terrified of a five-minute conversation. And here's the truth: nobody tells you. Your silence is literally costing you money. Now, I'm gonna be completely transparent with you. I have seen offers retracted when candidates took an overly aggressive approach when trying to deal with a negotiation. When they get into a heated back and forth with recruiter or start making demands instead of having a conversation, but simply asking to discuss the compensation package that has never cost someone a job offer in my experience. And look, to be honest, if a boss out there feels like their employees should be grateful for whatever scraps of compensation that they deem worthy, trust me, you probably dodged a major bullet. That probably would not be a healthy work environment that you wanted to be a part of. So here's what I need you to burn into your brain right now. The company chose you, not the other way around. They looked at dozens, maybe hundreds of candidates, and they picked you. That means something. That gives you power and you need to use it. Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator who wrote Never Split the Difference, says that negotiation is not about creating conflict. It's about connection. It's about understanding what both sides value and finding a solution that works for everyone. And that is exactly how you should view a salary negotiation. You're not asking for charity, you're not begging. You are negotiating a fair exchange of value. You bring skills, experience, and results. They bring compensation. This is simply a business transaction between equals. Let me pull back the curtain and show you this from a hiring manager's perspective, because this is where

Inside The Hiring Manager’s Math

SPEAKER_00 4:55

it gets really interesting, and this is where you'll understand why your fear is completely unfounded. So, first, let's talk about the real cost of that vacant position being open. By the time a company gets to the offer stage, they have invested massive amounts of time and money. And I'm talking dozens of interviews, countless work hours, and in many cases, that position has been vacant for weeks or even months. So let's break down some quick math for you. And don't worry, I've already done a calculation for you. So let's say that a sales manager has an opening for an account manager position. The sales manager makes about $100,000 a year. The recruiter presents them with about 12 candidates for the first round of interviews. Each interview takes about an hour. That one round of interviews alone costs a company about $576. But it doesn't stop there. Honestly, how often is there only one round of interviews? The manager narrows it down to about six candidates and then brings the person back for round two. This time appears involved. So let's just say that's another $576. Final round, they bring in a boss who makes in about $150,000 a year, interviews the top three candidates. That's another $216 worth of executive time. Oh, and we can't forget our trusted recruiter who's been sourcing the internet looking for the best candidates. For every 10 phone screens, you might find one decent candidate who meets the qualifications. To get those 12 first-round candidates probably cost them about $2,163, assuming the recruiter has a salary of about $75,000. But wait, there's more. Just because the position is open does not mean the work isn't getting done. So let's say two account managers are working overtime, and because they make about $75,000 a year in overtime in the US, that's about $54 an hour. If they've been working 10 hours of overtime each per week for the last two months, that's a whopping $8,640. When you add all of this up, and this is just the abbreviated cost, the company has already accrued about $12,000 in cost just to find you. But here's what most people don't consider it's something called opportunity costs. While all these senior sales managers are interviewing, they're not out there getting business. The company is missing out on potential sales and profits because those leaders have to focus their time on non-sales related activity. That could amount to thousands, even tens of thousands of lost dollars. And here's the kicker. It typically costs the company about one and a half times the salary of a job to hire and retrain someone. So if we assume that salary is $75,000, we are talking about $112,000 in total hiring costs. Do you see how these numbers add up? And better yet, do you see how extremely cost ineffective it is for a hiring manager to get to this stage just to retract the offer because you dared to negotiate? Research from Harvard's program on negotiation backs this up. They found that candidates often perceive negotiation as a zero-sum game, that any gains on their end come at a manager's expense. But managers actually have a broader, more flexible view. They understand organizational goals and usually have some kind of budgetary wiggle room built in specifically for negotiations. So

Managers Expect Negotiation And Have Wiggle Room

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here's the bottom line. Don't be afraid to negotiate. The fear is almost always worse than reality. Alright, so we talked about why you shouldn't be afraid to negotiate and what's really happening behind the scenes when a company extends you an offer. Now let's talk about what you should actually be looking for when you get that offer. Because here's where most people make a critical mistake. They get so fixated on that base salary or hourly wage number that they totally forget to evaluate everything else. And trust me, those other things can cost you thousands of dollars per year. First, let's talk about salary. Salary is how we live, it's how we pay our bills, afford summer vacations, and buy Christmas gifts. So there is a good reason why we should always consider this first. Here's a solid rule of thumb I typically advise folks to start with. Start with around 10% above what they offered you. So if they offered you $100,000, start by asking for $110. Now, according to recent data compiled from 2024 and 2025 salary negotiation studies, people who negotiate their salary

What To Evaluate Beyond Base Salary

SPEAKER_00 9:12

usually get about an average of 18 to 19% more than those who accept the first offer. Some candidates even secure increases up to 100%. But let's be realistic, that 10% range is where most successful negotiations land. Kwame Christian, CEO of the American Negotiation Institute, his podcast, Negotiate Anything, is the number one negotiation podcast in the world with over 16 million downloads. He talks about something he likes to call compassionate curiosity. Kwame mentions that it's about approaching the negotiation with genuine interest in finding a solution that works for both sides. Not manipulation, not aggression, just honest, curious conversation. The higher the level of the position, the more room you typically have to negotiate. A director or VP position has way more room to negotiate than an entry-level IT professional. This also applies to the range of salary you can try to negotiate. Now, if you've done your homework, and you should have done your homework by now, you've researched the market value for your position. Sites like salary.com, Payscale, and Glassdoor can help you understand what's reasonable for your city and your experience level. So let's say you determine that the market rate for your city for that position is about $75,000, but the company offered you $65. The numbers aren't too far off, and I will simply ask for the $75,000. Sometimes you'll get it, other times they might meet you in the middle at $70,000. But let's say you determine the position should pay around $90,000 a year and they offered you $65,000. That is a massive difference. And in most cases, if $90,000 is where you need to be, there aren't a lot of tactics from a salary perspective that will overcome such a wide gap. Next thing within the offer I want to talk about are the medical benefits, and this is where people make a lot of critical mistakes. You never want to accept an offer without looking closely at a company's benefit plans and their premiums. This is especially the case if you have a family. It does you no good to negotiate an extra $10,000 if your new medical premiums over the course of a year exceed that. You also want to take a deep dive and compare the coverage you'll receive compared to what you currently have. Will Little Timmy be able to get frames once a year or once every other year? Those details actually matter. According to the Society of Human Resource Management's 2025 compensation data, healthcare costs continue to rise and companies are shifting more of their burden to its employees. So this isn't something to gloss over. Take a look at those co-pays. If you and your partner are considering having a family, take a look at parental benefits. Does the company provide maternity and paternity leave? For our partners living overseas, your mouths are probably wide open right now because in many countries outside the United States, it's not uncommon for mothers to have 10, 12, or even 18 months of maternity leave. In this respect, the United States falls woefully behind. Now, unfortunately, there's typically nothing that

Health Benefits And Hidden Costs

SPEAKER_00 12:05

can be negotiated in terms of healthcare coverage. You can't negotiate a lower copay. That's usually set in stone in the company's plan document. But what you can do is highlight these differences to your new potential employer and see if they'll even be able to be more flexible with your salary. But what you can do is highlight these differences to your new potential employer and see if they'll be even more flexible with your salary. I've seen it happen time and time again. Now, let's say you crunch some numbers and let's say your premiums are going to cost you an extra $1,200 a year, and it's probably going to cost you an extra $5,000 due to the reduced coverage. $6,200 becomes a much more reasonable number to negotiate for. Next, let's move on to bonuses. Man, bonuses are great. They're even better when they're actually paid out. And there are all kinds of bonus plans: short-term incentive plans, long-term incentive plans, performance bonuses, commissions, so forth and so on. Normally, these bonus plans have a target percentage attributed to your salary. So if you're offered a bonus with a 25% target, assuming all the triggers or KPIs have met, your bonus would be about 25% of your overall salary. But here are the questions you need to ask. And this is where Kwame Christian talks about using strategic empathy. This means you're not just asking questions just to get answers, you're asking questions that show you understand their perspective while gathering the information you need. So ask first, how often are the bonuses paid? And more importantly, are they paid out at the full target? Now, a savvy HR person may try to use their Jedi mind tricks to say, well, bonuses aren't guaranteed. And they would be 100% correct. But historical payout information is a must for you to make a full educated decision. If they have not paid out a full bonus in over 10 years, buyers beware, and I wouldn't consider that in my full compensation number. Next, let's move on to retirement benefits. And I know you old whippersnappers out there are gonna live forever and retirement's a long, long time away. But trust me, your 65-year-old self will thank you. In the US, most companies offer a 401k. You'll want to ask, what is the company match and what is the vesting schedule? Now, for those of you who may be new to your career, you may not be clear about what a vesting schedule

Bonuses And Strategic Questions

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is, and all that is is just a timeline in which you'll eventually own all of the company match dollars. It's typically an aspect of modern 401k plans that attempts to incentivize employees to kind of stick around for a few years. Next, consider your commute. Now, you can't negotiate where the company's building is. However, if you are required to come into the office, you need to take into account how far that daily commute will be. Do you have to take the tube or the train? How far do you have to drive? Do you have to pay tolls along the way? Over the course of the year, these costs add up. And if these costs exceed what you're currently paying in your current job, this is another one of those little small gremlins that eat away at any additional salary you just negotiated. Now, let's move on to vacation. So, following the pandemic, most employees look at their vacation time differently than they did before. Work-life balance has become such a big part of our everyday lives, and this is critical when you look at negotiating. So here's a secret. For many companies, especially in the U.S., the amount of vacation you can receive is heavily dependent on your years of experience. Again, this is another area in the United States where we tend to fall woefully behind, as most countries in Europe offer at least 30 days of vacation. If you are in the US and you currently have three weeks of vacation at your current job, but the new company is only offering you two weeks, let the recruiter know that you're currently at a three-week standard and you'd like to at least retain that level. Now, if you're unable to negotiate when it comes to salary, vacation can be an excellent strategy to try to meet in the middle. So if you were offered $65,000 and you were hoping to get $75,000 and the employer counters your counter and offered you $70,000, you could try to offset that shortfall by asking for an extra week of vacation. Just another option for you to have

Retirement, Commute, And Vacation Levers

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in your hat. All right, career carcowers, let me pause and recap what we covered here in part one because it's been a lot. We talked about why your fear of negotiating is unfounded. Because in all of my years, I've never seen an offer get pulled just because someone asked. We showed you the real numbers behind what it costs the company to get to the offer stage, over 12,000 hard costs plus some lost opportunity cost. And we broke down the different components you need to evaluate just beyond that salary number. Here's what I need you to burn into your brain before we get to part two. The company chose you. They've invested thousands of dollars to find you. You have the power in this moment. You need to use it. So in part two, we're going to dive into the actual negotiation. I'm going to give you the exact words to say. I'm going to teach you Chris Boss's calibrated questions that make the other person feel in control while guiding them directly to where you want them to be. I'm going to show you that you have the power of silence and why shutting the heck up after you make your ask is the most important thing you can do. And I'm going to walk you through the entire conversation step by step. But here's what I need you to do right now. Before part two comes out, I want you to go do your homework. Research the market data for your position. Look at Glassdoor, PayScale, LinkedIn salary. Know your numbers. Because when you walk into that negotiation with data, you're not asking for charity. You're asking for fair market value. And if you found value in this content, do me a favor. Give your friend here a five-star review and leave a comment. It really helps me to continue to provide the type of information that allows you to make the best choices for your career. And be well. Not just to others, but to yourself. And remember that your job is meant to support your life. Your life is not meant to support your job. Until next time, Career Conquers, go do that research, and I'll see you in part two.

Recap And Homework For Part Two

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Also, the views expressed by the host or his guests do not necessarily reflect the views of any other company or entity.