Salary Negotiation Part 2: The Exact Words to Say (And When to Shut Up)

You interviewed 10 times. You've been waiting by your phone for days. Then the recruiter finally calls—you got the job! Your heart is racing, you're thrilled, and they're giving you the offer right now. What do you say? Do you accept on the spot? Do you negotiate? And if you do negotiate, what the hell are you supposed to actually SAY?

Haven't listened to Part 1 yet? Go back and start there first. We tackled the fear that holds most of us back when we think about negotiating our salary—and I showed you exactly why that fear is costing you money. We broke down what's really happening behind the scenes, what companies actually expect, and why you have way more power than you think.

In Part 2, we get tactical. I'm giving you the exact script, the specific FBI hostage negotiation techniques that work in salary talks, and the one skill most people completely blow: knowing when to shut up.

We walk through a real salary negotiation step-by-step—from the moment you get the offer to closing the deal. You'll learn calibrated questions that put the hiring manager in problem-solving mode, how to use strategic silence as your most powerful weapon, and why filling that awkward pause costs candidates thousands of dollars.

But here's what matters most: I'm giving you permission to advocate for yourself. Research shows that by not negotiating your starting salary, you sacrifice over $500,000 in lifetime earnings. Half a million dollars. Is five minutes of discomfort worth that to you?

We also cover what most negotiation advice misses—character and integrity. How to negotiate powerfully without burning bridges, when to hold firm on your number, and how to close with class no matter the outcome.

Your job is meant to support your life. Your life is not meant to support your job.

Transcript

Series Setup And Mindset Check

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This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered formal legal advice. Please note that the policies of your company and laws in your country may vary. Also, the views expressed by the host or his guests do not necessarily reflect the views of any other company or entity.

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Welcome back, Career Conquerors, to my friend HR, your one-stop shop for all things related to career fulfillment and the elusive world of human resources. I am your host and friend Jasani Courtney. So this is part two of our salary negotiation series. If you haven't listened to part one yet, go back and listen to it first. Because in part one, we tackled the fear that's holding you back. We showed you the real numbers behind what it costs a company to get to the offer stage, and we broke down all the components of a compensation package beyond just a salary. Today we're getting tactical, and I'm gonna give you the exact words to say, the specific techniques that FBI hostage negotiators and top salary experts use. And most importantly, I'm gonna teach you when to shut up because silence is one of your most powerful weapons, and most people blow their negotiations by talking too freaking much. But before we dive in, let me remind you of something critical from part one. The company chose you. They've already invested over $12,000 to find

Why You Hold The Power

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you, and you have the power in this moment. Now let's talk about how to use that power. So we've already covered why you shouldn't be afraid to negotiate. We've shown you what's really happening behind the scenes and why companies actually expect you to negotiate. And we've broken down all the different components you need to evaluate: salary, benefits, commute, vacation, bonuses, retirement, all that stuff. Now comes the moment of truth. You've got the offer, you've done your homework, you know what you want. So how should this whole salary negotiation go? Let me walk you through this step by step because the approach matters just as much as what you're asking for. Let me give you a scenario first. On Friday, you were extended an offer as a senior marketing specialist at a large company. They offered you a salary of $75,000. During your conversations with the hiring manager, you mentioned that you'd like to make around $75,000 to $85,000. You gave them a range. They also offered you two weeks of vacation when you currently have three weeks, and your commute is going to be twice as long with a number of tolls along the way, and your benefits aren't as competitive as they are with your current employer. Step one, never ever, and I mean never, folks, accept an offer when it's given. Look, my friends, at the very least, sleep on it overnight. I do not care how good those numbers look. Never accept an offer on the same day. Emotions are running way too high, and the company is actually counting on you being so happy that they called you that you'll accept on the spot. If the manager or HR tries to pressure you into making a decision that day, that

Scenario And First Steps

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is a potential red flag. A company should never try to pressure a candidate to make a decision at that time. It is such a major decision that if they're trying to pressure you, this is probably an indicator of how that relationship is going to go with that employer. This is typically why recruiters will try to extend offers on Fridays so that you have the weekend to at least think about it. And that's exactly why you don't accept the same day. You need time to look at the offer, dissect it, and come up with your best approach. Step two, the actual approach. Now it's Monday morning, you've called the recruiting or hiring manager, and here's how I'd recommend negotiating. First, always show your appreciation for the offer and place the focus of this negotiation on rectifying a couple of small items so that we can get this wrapped up and get to work. Now, here's where I want to introduce you to one of the most powerful techniques from Chris Voss's playbook, Calibrated Questions. This is straight from his FBI hostage negotiation experience and it works incredibly well in the salary negotiations. Instead of making statements that put people on the defensive, ask calibrated questions that start with how or what. Instead of saying, this salary is too low, try how can we bridge the gap between this offer and the market rate. Instead of saying, I need more money, try what would it take to get to whatever the dollar amount is. These questions make the other person feel in control while actually guiding the conversation where you want it to go. Kwame Christian calls this strategic questioning. You're gathering information while subtly influencing the outcome. So assuming the recruiter's name is Bob, here's how I would start the conversation with Bob. First, Bob, thanks so much for this offer. I can't wait to get to work at ABC Company. There are a couple of things I'd like to talk about before we get this wrapped up. So, based on my research and experience and the value I'll bring to the role, how can we work together to get to the salary closer to about the $82,000 range? See what I did there? Instead of saying, is there any room to negotiate? Which is simply a

Calibrated Questions That Guide

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yes or no question that can actually shut down the conversation, I asked, how can we work together to get to this X result? That just makes the assumption that we're moving forward and it puts them in problem solving mode. Now, at this point, they'll either start problem solving with you, say they need to check, or tell you that the number is firm. If they unfortunately say that that's not negotiable and there's no room at all to negotiate, and this is the max offer due to budgetary constraints, honestly, I wouldn't push it any further on salary. But you can pivot to other components. Now, if they go down a different path and they say, well, let me see what I can do, or tell me what you're thinking. Now they have swung that door wide open. It is now time for you to begin your negotiation specifics. What we've done is that we've set the stage for the negotiation using strategic questions. You've stated to the hiring manager that you appreciate the offer and that your mind is already starting to wrap around working for them and their team and the new company. Your demeanor shows that all we have to do is just work through a couple of details together and we can get this deal done and get to work. Linda Babcock, who's a professor at Carnegie Mellon and author of Women Don't Ask, found in her research that by not negotiating a starting salary, professionals sacrificed over a half a million dollars in their lifetime. Half a million dollars. And here's something interesting from her recent research. Contrary to popular belief, women actually negotiate more than men now. 54% of women negotiate compared to 44% of men. Now let's move on to something that Chris Vosh emphasizes that most people get completely wrong. And this is absolutely critical.

Ask, Then Embrace The Silence

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After you make your ass shut up. Now, the silence is gonna be uncomfortable. Your brain is going to scream at you to fill that silence with justifications or maybe even backpedaling. Don't do it. Because whoever speaks first often loses ground. When you say, based on my research, I was hoping we can get close to 82,000. Is there any flexibility there? Stop. Don't fill the silence with, I mean, I know that number might seem high, but I'd be willing to accept less if no. Just stop talking. Sit on your hands, count to 10, do what you gotta do, but don't talk after you make your ask. Give them time to process and response. That silence is them thinking, calculating, considering, don't interrupt it. I have literally seen candidates lose thousands of dollars because they couldn't sit with five seconds of silence. They make a perfectly reasonable ask and then immediately start talking themselves down before the other person even responds. Trust the silence. It is actually one of your most powerful tools. So if the recruiter or manager asks, what did you have in mind? Or what specific question do you have about the offer? Here's what I would say. Well, the offer was technically within range of what we discussed. However, I'm hoping that we can at least get closest in midpoint. In addition, I currently have a very short commute, and this new opportunity would be at least twice that with the number of tolls. I also noticed that the medical coverage would be nearly double with a slight reduction in coverage. This is fine. However, to offset this, I'd like to add an extra $7,000 to the offer. If we can do that, I can get the offer signed and we can start the background check right away. Now, again, see what I did there? I asked for more money and I

Framing Reasons And Tone

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gave a couple of reasons. And I put the pressure back on the employer to let them know that I feel like this is the only thing holding us up from getting to work. I have seen this strategy work time and time again. Heck, I've done it myself a few times. If you always keep focused on the positive and at least have one or two financial reasons other than you just want more money, it tends to work out more often than not. The tone, demeanor, and attitude that you display can play a huge factor in terms of the employer wanting to work with you on the final package. One of the worst things you can try is to start quoting market data to an employer in an aggressive way. For example, I have literally heard candidates say, based on my market research on indeed.com, the salary you're offering is 15,000 less than the minimum standard. Look, that might be true. The offer may be low compared to your research, but the tone in which you communicate this will probably come off as pompous and the negotiations will break down before they've even had a chance to begin. Now, let's talk about the scenario that scares everybody. What happens if they say no? Well, look, there's your answer. You now have a decision to make. Is the current offer good enough for you to leave your current role? If the answer is yes and we're just looking for a little extra icing on our cake, then go forth and conquer. If not, and you have mixed feelings about accepting the offer, then don't. The choice is yours, not theirs.

When They Say No

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And you should never join a company with ill feelings at the onset. One of the last things I want to caution you against, if you know this offer is not acceptable to you, please don't play the game of accepting an offer and working only until you can find something else. That goes completely against our long-term perspective thinking. Look, if you're in a scenario where you're unemployed and you simply need to put food on the table, you gotta do what you gotta do. But for those of us who are not in that specific scenario, be professional in all aspects of your career. Remember, this entire negotiation is a business transaction. Nothing more. Do your best to take the emotion out of the conversation. The more emotion you bring to this party, the less likely you are to get what you want. Chris Voss teaches something called tactical empathy. It's about staying calm, being genuinely curious, and making the other person feel hurt. When you approach negotiations in this way, you're not adversaries, you're collaborators trying to solve a particular problem together. Now, before we go any further, I need to talk about something that's more important than any negotiation tactic, and it's your character and integrity. Here's the deal. If you and the recruiter or hiring manager agreed upon a certain salary earlier in the interview process, let's say you told them you're looking for $75,000

Integrity Over Short-Term Wins

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and they came back and offered you exactly $75,000, it is absolutely bad form to suddenly ask for $90,000. In my book, that is being disingenuous. That's moving the goalposts. That's not negotiating, that's going back on your word. And here's what happens. Even if they give you that $90,000, they're gonna remember. Trust me on this. I've been in those rooms, and the hiring manager will say to HR, well, we gave them what they asked for, and here they come asking for more. I'm not sure how much I even trust this person anymore. You just planted a seed of doubt before you even walk through the door. Is that really how you want to start a relationship with your new manager? I hope not. Your character is worth more than money. Your reputation is worth more than the extra $15,000. This is a long-term gain, and burning credibility for short-term gain is a losing strategy every single time. Now, this is exactly why early in the interview process, you want to give them a range and not a specific number. If someone asks, what are your salary expectations? Don't say $75,000. Say, based on my research and experience, I'm looking for something in the range of $75,000 to $85,000. Now, when they offer you $75,000, you can say, I appreciate the offer. I was hoping we can get closer to the midpoint or the higher end of the range we discussed, as we mentioned before. That's not moving the goalposts. That's negotiating within the framework you both established. But if you said $75,000 and they give you $75,000, you honor that. You can still ask about other components, vacation time, a sign-on bonus, start date, flexibility, but don't go back on the number you committed to. Your word

Set Ranges Early, Not Numbers

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matters. As I've said in nearly a dozen episodes now, we are taking a long-term perspective on our careers. It's not just about getting as much as you can in this one moment, it's about cultivating relationships, building trust, and creating a reputation as someone who operates with integrity. That's what leads to true career fulfillment. And I can't stress this enough: the business world is smaller than you think. People talk, recruiters talk, HR professionals talk, we go to the same conferences, we go to the same happy hours. And if you get a reputation as someone who negotiates in bad faith or moves a goalpost, that will follow you. And it will cost you way more than whatever extra money you might have squeezed out of one negotiation. So, yes, negotiate. Absolutely advocate for yourself, but do it with integrity. Honor your commitments, be honest about your expectations from the start. And if you set a number and they meet it, have the character to stand by your word. Alright, now let's recap what we talked about. When it comes to your offer, remember, look at the offer in its totality, not just the basic salary. When you're thinking of a good starting point to start negotiating your salary, 10% is a good number to start. Take a look at the benefits. Are the premiums more or less than where you currently work? Is the coverage better or worse? What

Total Offer View And 10 Percent

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about your time off? And remember, never accept an offer the same day it's extended. Take your time and put some thought into the offer given. If you do decide to negotiate, come at it with a good spirit and make light of the fact that there's just a few things we need to tweak and we can get this deal done. By making light of the situation, the company may see it the same way and give you what you want just to get the deal done. And here's one final piece of wisdom from Kwame Christian. He calls it closing with class. No matter how the negotiation goes, whether you get everything you ask for, some of what you asked for, or none of what you asked for, you always end with grace and professionalism. If the negotiation goes well, you say, thanks for working through this with me. I really appreciate your flexibility and transparency, and I am excited to get started and make an impact for the team. If you decide to decline the offer, you say, look, thanks so much for the offer, and I appreciate your time throughout this process. After careful consideration, I've decided that this isn't the right fit for me at this time. But I truly appreciate the opportunity, and I really do hope I pass crawls again in the future. Why does this matter so much? Because the business world is smaller than you think. The recruiter you're talking to today might be the hiring manager at your dream company five years from now, or they may know the person who is. The HR person you negotiated with might end up being the vendor you work with down the road. Kwame talks about how every negotiation is also a relationship. You're not just getting a job or a raise, you're building a network, creating a reputation, and establishing how people will remember you. Close with class every single time, no matter what. So before I wrap this up, I need to give you something. I need to give you permission. You have permission to advocate for yourself. You have permission to ask for more. You have permission to negotiate. I know that might sound simple, but for a lot of you right now, you've never heard these words before. You've been taught to be grateful for what you've been given, not to rock the boat, accept the first offer, and count your blessings. And I'm here

Close With Class, Always

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to tell you, that mentality is costing you your financial freedom. Listen to me carefully. You're not being greedy by asking for fair compensation. You're not being difficult by negotiating. You're not being ungrateful by knowing your worth. You're being smart, you're being strategic, you're being professional. And any company worth working for will respect you more, not less, for advocating for what you want. Because companies don't want employees who undervalue themselves. They want confident professionals who know what they bring to the table. Look, the worst thing they can say is no. If they say no, you have a decision based on the full picture, but you'll never know unless you ask. Stop waiting for someone to notice your value and reward you accordingly. One conversation, one uncomfortable ask, half a million dollars. Is five minutes of discomfort worth half a million dollars to you? Because that's a choice you're making right now. And here's the thing that gets me fired up. Some of you who are listening right now are absolutely brilliant at what you do. You're top performers, you deliver incredible results, you make your companies millions of dollars,

Permission To Advocate And Believe

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and you're being underpaid by $20,000, $30,000, $40,000 a year because you're too afraid to have that conversation. That ends today, right now, this moment. You are worth it, your skills are worth it, your experience is worth it, your results are worth it. And if you don't believe that, if you can't walk into that negotiation believing that you deserve fair compensation, then there's no strategy I can give you that will work. Because confidence is the foundation of a successful negotiation. So before you negotiate a salary, negotiate with yourself. Look in the mirror and say, I'm worth it. I deserve fair compensation and I will advocate for myself. Say it until you believe it, because you need to believe it before anyone else will. My friends, I hope that over these two episodes I was able to give you a few pearls of wisdom to help you in your career journey. My goal is to arm you with as much information as possible so that you can be confident regardless of the path you choose. If you have any questions you want to ask me, feel free to email me at myfriendnhr at gmail.com. You can follow me on Instagram and Twitter, and you can find me on LinkedIn under Jasani Courtney. If you like the content you hear, do your friend a favor and leave a five-star review and comment. So until next time, my friends, be well. Not just to others, but to yourself. And always remember that your job is meant to support your life. Your life is not meant to support your job. Until next time, my friend.