Nothing But Anarchy
"Nothing But Anarchy" hosted by Chad Sanders explores and subverts sports, media, Hollywood, and culture. Chad's vulnerable and raw commentary creates a fresh podcast experience you don't want to miss. Tune in Tuesdays and Thursdays at 12PM ET on Youtube Live.
Subscribe to the "Nothing But Anarchy" Youtube channel for full interviews and more anarchy!
Game analysis, social commentary, and music.
Instagram: @chadsand
Executive Producer: Chad Sanders
Producer: Morgan Williams
Music: Marcus Williams
Nothing But Anarchy
Eps #88 Understanding "Queerbaiting", NBA Players' Feelings About All Star Weekend, and Radical Self Acceptance
On this episode, Chad talks through his understanding of "queerbaiting" and relationship to it based on some Instagram questions. Then, he quickly delves into why the NBA All Star games are not worth watching.
Tune in Tuesdays and Thursdays at 12PM ET to watch the show live on Youtube. Follow @chadsand on Instagram and subscribe to the Nothing But Anarchy Youtube channel for full interviews and more anarchy!
Executive Produced by: Chad Sanders
Produced by: Morgan Williams
Alright, welcome to Nothing but Anarchy. This is episode number 88, number of Michael Irvin. Number of CD-Lam, the number of Des Bryant Apparently, they have a group text with all the 88s from the Cowboys who like check in on each other and give each other support, etc. I think it's really cool. So I noticed something, which is when we got okay, this is what happened. This is what happened. This is what happened. This is what happened. This is what happened. This is what happened. This is what happened. This is what happened.
Speaker 1:We did the live show, stood on a couch, talked to 50 to 60 people who I mean 50 people, not including the staff of the restaurant. So 50 people who I know oh, let's say, 30 people who I know and trust and 20 strangers. They're abouts, they're people who I know that at least 10 of them, if they felt like I was going too far, they would reel me in, including Wargatron, who was there, and they didn't. And, to the contrary, in fact, most of them, after the show, expressed some level of positive feedback for the tone of the show. They liked what the show speaks to and they liked that I didn't shy away from what needs to be said.
Speaker 1:About what needs to be said, I am. This is something I'm having to come to grips with, okay, because it is not the identity that I thought I wanted to inhabit for most of my life. I am having to come to grips with the fact that I am a nice person and boys, I believe, are socialized to believe that niceness, kindness, will hold you back in capitalism, in dating, in socialization. You're not socialized as a boy. I think in this country, in this world, you are not socialized to admire kindness. We look up to some people, look up to Kobe Bryant, because y'all niggas are weird and you forgot about that thing, but most of us, Morgan, are you nervous? Did that make you nervous? No, okay, you took a breath. That's weird that y'all just forgot about that thing. Y'all don't think that's weird, josh, you think that's weird?
Speaker 2:I never forgot that thing.
Speaker 1:Why do niggas just y'all niggas are weird? Because y'all, just y'all. I just don't understand. Okay, that's not even what I came here to get into. Stop, I'm not going down that road. But y'all niggas are you Kobe fans are fucking weird as shit. I wouldn't trust y'all niggas further than I could throw you. You guys are weird as hell. But let's get back to the point.
Speaker 1:We are socialized to look up to people like, let's say, michael Jordan. Let's say, I don't know Superman. Superman's a bad example. He's pretty nice. You're socialized to look up to the big, squash-buckling, powerful, cutthroat, focused, unempathetic man. That's what you're socialized to look up to. Maybe these babies that are coming up now. In fact I'm even watching it with my nephews, but your parents are probably teaching you all something different. But I'm 35, growing up.
Speaker 1:Kindness was not high on the chart in terms of how they were trying to socialize us boys. At basketball practice my coach didn't say make sure you don't hurt anybody out there. He said in so many words. He said scrape a nigga's eyes out if that's what you have to do to get a loose ball. And I took that on and took that with me through college and it hasn't worn right on my skin for most of my life because underneath it, whatever I was trying to pretend to be, I am a nice person. My favorite thing and people are asking me very existential questions on Instagram right now because I'm telling them to I'm like, hey, ask me a question you think I want to answer honestly, and something that comes up is like what is your heart's greatest desire? My favorite thing to do is sit around with people that I like and just catch a vibe, talk like talk about what we see happening around us.
Speaker 1:We went to me, tim and Delisa. We drove to Gotham City Burger on Sunday in the Lower East Side. I got a car. My parents gave me my old car back from college. I had to sell my car, spent 10 days, or however long, walking to the gym 45 minutes and walking home, taking Ubers to the studio, and I just went home over the weekend to Maryland. My mom got a new car, so I got my old car back from college. I'm driving a 2000,. This is how glamorous my life is, guys. I'm driving a 2008 Nissan Altima around New York City right now. Okay, because I want you guys to know just how sexy it is to be me.
Speaker 1:Pick up Tim and Delisa from Bushwick drive to Lower East Side. We're about to pull up to our parking spot and I'm like it's like I can pretend for long enough with people that I'm down to to, like not with my friends, friends but like I can pretend enough to be kind, to be generous, to like that I'm down to talk about some dumb shit, but I'm like with my real friends. I'm like, okay, delisa, give me some gossip. Like, come on, come on, tell me something, give me something real that we can like dig into here. Like, what's going on with your friends? Who's not fucking with who? Who's being shady?
Speaker 1:I do it to Morgan too. Like, morgan, come on, like, because what, what are we doing? Like, what are we doing? What are we talking about? Like, come on, like let's talk about what we are. Let's talk about what we really are. Let's not talk, let's not pretend. Like let's talk about who and what we really are. So I forgot. What the fuck am I even talking about? What does that have to do with being nice? Oh well, okay, so I'm realizing that what I actually care about is what I actually am underneath that that window dressing is someone who's nice, who likes to hang out, who likes to kick it with his friends, who, like that's what I am Like.
Speaker 1:I tried to fit, I tried to wear also that dumbass like Mark Zuckerberg, silicon Valley boy. Wear the same clothes every day. Like turn yourself into a sharp object as a person so you can just knife your way, you know, through capitalism to the top, and that also doesn't feel very good. That sucks ass. That's so bad at parties. I bet that's so bad in the bedroom for those guys. They're probably terrible at sex. Okay, right, no, okay, whatever I think. So I don't fuck with those niggas, all right. Where am I going with this? I don't even remember. Truly, I don't even know. I don't even know, like I just I got back in front of the microphone and I meant to start somewhere and I completely lost my way. But these are all things that are relevant to me anyway, so I'm glad I'm getting them off.
Speaker 2:All I know is that you said something about being a kind guy and then talked about this.
Speaker 1:And then say how bad.
Speaker 2:those guys are All right, fuck it.
Speaker 1:Here's what I do have to say, okay. And then I where I'm going. Actually I meant to do this last time. Oh, I know I did this, okay, so we did a live show. We did a live show. My people were like it's great, keep going, like do the thing. That's why I said all that shit about being underneath it all, and that don't mean like I'm not, I'm not like a quote, unquote nice guy, hate those guys. I hate those guys. Oh my God, and I'm not one of them. Okay, that much I want to assure you of. I am not one of those. Woe is me in the face as boys. Okay, hate those niggas. You guys know what I'm talking about. You guys know guys who wear niceness as their identity.
Speaker 1:Like and they're so pathetic.
Speaker 3:Oh, I thought you meant the ones that do it in like a toxic way.
Speaker 1:Um, I mean, to me it is toxic. I don't so I'm not necessarily meaning like I know there are guys who are like they use being the nice guy to get action. I don't really mean that, but that's kind of. But it's in the realm, it's like. It's like the like super, you know gentle guy who's like so frail, such a weeping willow of a human being that you can't actually say something real to them because they might just like break in front of you, they might just completely like fall apart. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, okay, thank you. Why are you laughing?
Speaker 3:Because I just have a very like you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, those people are so annoying. Like you can't. You can't do anything around there, you can't live like. You can't have a real conversation with them, you can't tell them anything, you can't. They can't keep a secret. God, those I hate, those niggas. All right, All right, All right, Most of them are white guys, by the way. Okay, so for real, we don't, we don't really get to do that. It's like, that's not, that's not available as an identity to us, as far as I can tell, with a few exceptions. I don't even know who they are. All right, why am I saying that? Because the live show changed me a little bit, I feel, to Morgan's dismay. I feel empowered now to be bolder about what it is that I have to say and more forthcoming. Okay.
Speaker 1:So it is no coincidence that we left that show, came right back and I walked into the studio knowing exactly what I needed to say to stir up a buzz on the internet, which is asking white people if they like makes people better. I was like oh, I got one. I know this. And when I say I got one, okay, I am a, I am a conversationalist. I care about, I like to actually try to find something that societally, we have not fully adjudicated, we have not fully, we haven't really. It's like we're close, We've circled it but it's a little sensitive, so we haven't actually nailed it, we haven't actually hit the mark and there are certain conversations that are so, so hot buttony that we never hit the mark because it gets. It's just the heat gets turned up so high in there that we kind of just like stop, we stop before we get to the thing.
Speaker 1:So I said the thing we do, we do the. You know, we put the reel out and I know, I know, I know a reel is going crazy because either one Morgan tells me or two my people in my real life bring it up to me. Most of the time my close friends. We don't really talk about my work that much unless something has gone, unless something has reached outside the bubble right, Unless it's coming back to them from other angles, like someone else who we don't talk to all the time sent them this thing, and that happened with this one. And so now today I have walked into this studio with something that I believe is another thing that I know genuinely. I don't have the answer on Morgan. Are you scared? You said you were.
Speaker 3:I am because you said I'm coming in at 100 miles an hour. Like that's a scary thing to hear Chad say.
Speaker 1:Well, okay, because I thought about this sometimes. Here's a problem, and I said this also at the live show like this thing is so important, these microphones are so special. I'm watching them make a way for my life, like they are making a way for me. I'm like that's so cool Talking. I talked to Dax the other night Name drop. I talked to Dax the other night. Oh, my God, so many armchair experts people on my Instagram. I'm like you guys are really obsessed with armchair expert. They're like asking me these really detailed questions about armchair expert. I'm like I've listened to like three episodes of armchair expert and I'm on two of them. But talk to Dax the other night. I'm calling people. I'm calling people.
Speaker 1:I'm like, hey, I know where I'm going now. I need money to fuel this thing. I keep doing it with my own money, but it's gonna take longer to get there and I wasn't asking Dax for money. But I'm like, do you know somebody who will get? Introduce me to a rich gambler. That's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a rich person who will put their money on something that they don't totally understand how the money's gonna come back. That's the truth. Like if you introduce me to a venture capitalist and they wanna put me in front of a spreadsheet like it's not gonna work like that. I need a rich gambler, somebody who will give me $50,000 and they will go use $100,000 at the Blackjack table that night. Like that's what I'm looking for. Dax definitely knows somebody like that.
Speaker 1:That has nothing to do with what he said to me, though. We start just shooting this shit for a second and he says I thought I was gonna be done with this thing now-ish. And now that I've done this much, I love this thing. I love the pro-. I've been reading and listening to a lot about process. I just love talking to people. That's what he says. I just love talking to people and I feel that I didn't expect us, societally, to be at this place at the height of my probably the beginning of the height of, like my sort of professional earning power years, which I guess are like 35 to 50 or something like that. I didn't expect us to be at a place where talking was gonna be such a thing Not rapping, not singing, not doing a talk show, but like literally this thing. And now that we're here, I'm also watching something and this could be me flying toward a buzzsaw, and I can't. I don't care Like I can't. I can't stop that. Morgan, did you take a deep breath? Are you nervous? No, are you?
Speaker 1:nervous in general about this whole thing? Are you nervous in general about this whole direction?
Speaker 3:I just, I don't know what you're gonna say. I hate, I mean, I usually don't know what you're gonna say. But, like on specific topics, I'm just like is Chad gonna get canceled?
Speaker 2:today Like.
Speaker 3:I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't think I am, but you never know, any day could be your day. But I'm realizing. That's why I was bringing up these mics. This is powerful. And sometimes I get up here because I realize I'm not on the cutting edge of what the conversation is in terms of what you are allowed to say about certain things. I get up here and I talk about some shit and I'm and I'd be doing it halfway cause I'm scared, cause I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. No, I know what I'm saying and I know what I feel, but I don't know what is allowed to be said. Does that make sense? Yes, maybe some of that's okay. Last thing, the thing is about queer baiting. For the record, that's what we are going to explore. No, no more things. We're going to get to the bottom, maybe, of what is queer baiting. We're going to do so with no queer people in the room. Excellent.
Speaker 3:Great job by us.
Speaker 1:Great job by us. We're going to talk about queer baiting and we're going to talk about whether or not we are going to adjudicate whether or not I am guilty of queer baiting. Okay, all right, let's talk about queer baiting. Why are we talking about this? All right, let's start here. There's a couple, there's a few questions that are here. Number one what is queer baiting and why is it bad? And like, let me also just headline this one by itself why is queer baiting bad? Why is it frowned upon? Why do so many queer guys think I'm gay? Or do they even think I'm gay? Or they just shoot in their shot to see what happens? And how should I feel about that? Those are the questions. Okay, I'm realizing Morgan's going to be nervous for this whole segment, so I can't look to her for affirmation as I shoot this off.
Speaker 1:No, you're feelings are valid. If you're nervous, you should be, because I've done very little research on this topic. I'm just ready to get my shit off, okay, the first question is what is queer baiting? You have a first, morgan. This is what happened. This is what happened. This is what happened. I'm gonna start at the beginning. Probably since college, I have felt the. I have felt the. What's the word the? It's not admiration, it's not affection. Exactly, gays, gay dudes, have liked me for a long time. That's how it's been, that's what it is. I feel so much more comfortable saying that up here than saying women have liked me. Okay, cause you're not allowed to say that. You're allowed, but you are allowed to say gay dudes have liked me for a long since college. Okay, remember Facebook honesty box, do you all?
Speaker 3:no, you definitely don't no, I remember like two like two be honest statuses.
Speaker 1:No, that's not what it is. It was a box. I don't remember this either On Facebook you could opt into this box where people could just write you an anonymous message on Facebook, right Almost like the questions thing I do on Instagram, but where you couldn't see who asked it.
Speaker 2:A word yeah, they need to bring that back.
Speaker 1:It was fire. It was really cool. You had what? Ask FM, yeah, okay, well, so honesty box. The reason why you used it is because you wanted to either shoot your shot at somebody anonymously which makes no sense or receive them shooting their shot at you.
Speaker 1:Put my honesty box up. Oh, and Facebook. The only thing it would tell you via the color of the message pink or blue is whether or not it came from a guy or a gal. That was it. So put my face.
Speaker 1:I'm a freshman in college. I live in Graves Hall with my roommate. This is the part of the story with my roommate who eventually became my fraternity brother, who eventually came out as queer after we were out of college. That's just something to just keep that in the box. Like, just know it.
Speaker 1:I put my honesty box up, expecting a flood of women from Spellman and Clark who are too shy to approach me in real life to tell me that they have a crush on me, and instead what I got was a nonstop flood of blue messages saying anything from basic shit like you're cute, are you straight, or are you straight or not? Aren't you in that class? Yada, yada, yada, yada, ranging all the way into the loon and explicit, as I'm sure you guys can imagine. All right that because and here's another dimension of this that I want to keep here Like dudes are dudes, yeah, like gay, straight, bi, whatever across the spectrum. Like dudes are dudes and dudes are fucking nasty and lewd and forward. Okay, that's what it is. Recently, I have received quite a deluge of messages from guys ranging in between you know, you're like, you're good looking. Some guys say you're beautiful, which I know is like the basic ass shit. Guys say to women as well that they think sounds interesting or better than just being like you're fine. You know what I mean. All the way over to nothing like now I can see who they are, so they don't jump out as crazy as like some of the shit that they used to say in college or some of the ice to live in the West Village. Some of the comments I would get in passing as I walk by in the West Village Um, but pretty forward, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:A series of guys asking what's up with me. Um, I have been doing a lot of Q and A's on my Instagram. Ask me a question you think I won't answer. Honestly, I get quite a few guys asking do you? As, for example, when I got two days ago, um, are you attracted to people of my gender, which is another fancy way of saying like, do you like megas, do you like men? Let's use that one.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to a little space from the inward for me, all right, and I have been wanting to explore exactly, and I have been having this conversation with friends, my sister morgatron to an extent, like I'm trying to understand what it is, what it is that I am signaling that would make people think I'm gay or queer. And I'm also wondering if, because queer guys are just guys, if they're doing the same thing that straight guys do, which is where they know a woman has said I only like women, but they just can't hear that because they're guys and they don't listen. They don't actually pay attention, like they don't care. All that they're thinking is but I like you. So when are you going to come around to liking guys? Never is what those ladies are generally trying to make clear, but guys ain't are not trying to hear that. How do you feel, morgan? What's your nervousness level at zero to 10?
Speaker 3:I'm not like a four or five.
Speaker 1:All right, great. So I put it. I'm doing the Q&A, I send more. I forgot what I sent Morgan. I sent Morgan something and probably was like what's up with this? Why do these guys think of gay or something like that? And again, I'm not playing oblivious, like, oh, this is what it was. This is what it was In response to one of those questions. The exercise was ask me this should go in the row right here. The exercise that I presented was ask me a question that you think I will not answer honestly. If I won't answer it, you get a point.
Speaker 1:Somebody asked me do you like my gender? A guy asked me that. It's basically asking me are you queer? And I'm driving home from, I'm driving back to New York from Maryland in my 2008 Nissan Altima and I, what I feel come over me, this is what's going to get us into queerbaiting. What I feel come into me, come over, come over me, keep that, that was good Is I am not. I felt myself realizing, oh, like I don't know if I'm ready to be honest about my sexuality here, like, not like I've like hidden it in some way, but like I have been quite happy for if a bunch of queer guys like me and it helps them to believe that I might like them.
Speaker 1:I have been happy to accept that because at the moment, at the discurrent point in time, what Chad is focused on is grabbing a large audience, like that's what matters to me right now. Is it nefarious, is it not? I don't think so. What I'm trying to do is like tired of fucking with all these other people's audiences and studios and celebrities and whatever. Like my audience, mine, and I'm happy to do that by presenting myself as like a part of the offering. There's the creativity, there's the, there's writing, there's podcasts, there's images. It's a whole world that we're building here and if a part of it is here is also Chad as the person, as the avatar who you can slot in as like maybe that person would be attracted to me. I've been happy to go with that, not just for dudes. For a lot of people who I'm not attracted to. This is good. This is coming out good Cause I really mean it. It's clear and I'm not scared of being canceled. But take that out, okay. Thank you, I realized it washed over me. I don't know if I'm ready to tell whatever sized audience of, whatever part of my audience is queer guys. I don't know if I'm ready to tell them I'm not into guys. I felt that I felt it because here's the thing getting into the weeds. But that's the point. This is the show.
Speaker 1:When I answer these questions, when I do even this job, I'm trying to do, I'm trying to like, I'm trying to like bring it from inside and what's real. And so sometimes, when, when I don't know, oh, what's going to be interesting, what's going to be generous to the audience here, a good way for me to find it is like well, what do I actually feel right now? And that's what I felt. I felt myself about to expose myself. And I was like Chad, are you ready to expose yourself so long? Tag, I did it because I knew it was gonna be good content.
Speaker 1:That's really why I did it. And I say and I tell, I'm like Explaining it to the, to the camera. I'm like, hey, this is why I haven't said outright that I'm straight, but I'm straight, I didn't want to like alienate any particular part of my audience. Blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Put it out there.
Speaker 1:And then I start getting funny responses. One of them comes from my friend, bethany, who I went to college with who says I Genuinely don't think I've ever seen someone come out and straight and I was like, yeah, I thought of. And then I respond. I was like, hey, can I post this? Because it's funny as shit. And then I posted. People thought it's funny, but there's a point. Here's the point. Let's go back to the point. Let's stop too many dimensions of the internet. Let's just talk about the point. The point is I Want to know is there something sleazy? Is there something duplicitous? Is there something Dishonorable about me Knowing that? That is one of the audience.
Speaker 1:There's another audience that I have an internet relationship with, which is like guys, ready, scary, but we're gonna put it on here. It's like 40 to 55 year old suburban white women. Okay, we're gonna put it on here Because it's true I don't care, it's true I don't, and and and. For both of those audiences, I it's like if someone asked me to sit down and write out what are you doing? That's appealing to those audiences. Maybe this is why it's a little something. I could probably do it if they were like hey, write the 10 things about you that you think Make soccer moms like you white ones. If they were like hey, write out the 10 things that you think make Queer dudes like you. I could probably do it, and I guess this is a question about marketing, it's a question about identity, it's a question about the internet. If I Continue to step into those things, I'll tell you guys right now.
Speaker 1:If the reason why I Queer guys like me is because, as I put it to someone in my DMs, like I don't know, I think it's because I talk about feelings and I'm pretty Morgan Morgan nods. Thank you that. I mean. If that's the reason, it cuz I have nice jewelry, it's cuz I get my hair done, it's because I brush my teeth at morning and at night, it's because, like I Look, I mean I'll keep it a buck with you guys. My body's not where I want it to be, but like I'm 35 guys like you guys know what 35 year olds look like. You guys know. You guys know 35 year olds look like Josh, you look great too, but y'all know, you know what most of our age look like. Yeah, most of our age are it's getting close, yeah, you understand. So here's the point. Here's the point. Here's what.
Speaker 1:If they like me for things that I also like about myself, I'm not gonna like bend in the opposite direction Just to avoid baiting, or Because I know just as well as there's some, gonna be some people when they hear this that are gonna nod along and be like, yeah, you do kind of be like that. Yeah, you are kind of like that, that's cool, whatever. I think my sister even likes it. My sister's like that's cool that you're not Whatever, whatever. That's not the point. It's gonna be some other dudes who are like, literally, you're gonna be like no, nigga, that's gay, dware jewelry and all that shit. Like no, that's gay. Like literally, that's what they're gonna say to themselves, to each other, and a couple of them in a moment, here there, somewhere in private, they're gonna say that to me Okay, morgan, john, what's queer baiting? What's the definition?
Speaker 3:Do you want my definition?
Speaker 1:I want yours first cuz you were the one who was like when I sent it to.
Speaker 3:He sent me the. He was like oh, like, I want to add this to the docket. And I was like, okay, yeah, by the way, like when I saw this, like it really brings up queer baiting like what you were like talking about, like in your response to you, and he was like what's that? He's learned how. You're like that self-explanatory, but like what is it? I mean like.
Speaker 1:I it was pretty self-explanatory, but I was like what is it? And you explained what is it, what?
Speaker 3:was it to you for me. I consider it to be someone that's like Purposefully presenting themselves in a way that could be like Like that could be perceived as being queer when they're not and so, and then, like I asked one of my other friends and he was like like performative queerness, basically when that's not actually like the group that you identify with, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, and so here's a distinction that I made intellectually, once you told me what it was. Here's what I know is problematic and this should probably go into I Think it is in the definition that I saw, either that you sent me or I found a Wikipedia. I saw One dimension of queer baiting is performing queerness for the intention of Attracting an audience, selling something whatever, whatever, whatever, like um, and this is what's so crazy for me, like in as much as we separate sexuality, in as much as we make sexuality distinctions which, for some reason, we just feel like we have to, which is annoying, which is kind of stupid already to me, it's like we're separating people on how they like to fuck, like we are deciding If you like it in your booty, it's. If you like a dick in your butt, it's that. But if it's a tongue, it's, it's okay, right, or it's this.
Speaker 1:That on on premise, I'm like that does not stand up to my sense of logic, but like I'm gonna let y'all fit, I don't care, I don't care, shut up, I don't care. That's dumb to me, but let me continue if we're gonna do that. To me, the only thing that makes something like Gay or straight as much as we want to make those distinctions, is like to me, truly, the sex act, like that's. That's the baseline for me. If we must like, if we absolutely, it's like, if we absolutely must, which I feel like we're overthinking it. We don't have to, but we're doing it, so fuck it. My like I'm gonna now when it's talking a little bit about what I don't think is problematic about that thing.
Speaker 3:Um, Well, you didn't really say what you thought was. Oh.
Speaker 1:Thank you, morgan, because that's important. If you are, if you are that feels, if you're performing Queerness while not being queer, that feels like appropriation. That feels like that is. That is duplicity, that is nefarious, that is, that is Manipulative. Like you are trying to manipulate perspective While knowing that you are, that you are lying. That to me, that is not cool. Here's what I don't think is Problematic.
Speaker 1:I was remembering college. I was a freshman in college, went to Morehouse, atlanta. We talked about this Get to college. Fashion is changing. It's 2006. It's changing.
Speaker 1:In front of me, between tall tees is what we used to wear baggy ass clothes, fitted hats. It's changing and it's getting more form fitting. It's getting I Hate to put it like this, but like more polished, more, a little more um, a little more pleasing to like the Polished aesthetic sensibility. It's just like it's getting a little bit more metro. I is how I would describe it's getting more metro. And One of my friends made he said this and I've held on to it he was he said it deadpan.
Speaker 1:He wasn't fucking, wasn't playing. He said gay is in, and what he meant by that was all the things I was just trying to describe with other words, as an aesthetic. He was saying basically the way that gay dudes have been dressing for the last 15 years. Everybody's now coming around to that, like all dudes are now coming around to that, and All that I think he meant is like taking good care of yourself, wearing clothes that fit, having a sensibility about how you look to someone else that you're trying to attract, and I do think that's where it meets friction with the straight male crowd is I do try to dress in a way that makes someone that is pleasing to the eye of someone else. That's true, I do try to. I am on.
Speaker 1:I was on TV for the first time when I was 12. I became aware of other people's eyeballs as a child Sports plays. My parents were extremely watchful. I became aware of how other people saw me and I wrapped myself around that in a lot of ways, and so I think when people say something is gay versus something is straight I mean specifically when straight dudes say something is gay versus something is straight I think what they're saying is like it's taking into account somebody else's point of view, somebody else's enjoyment of the moment or how you look. It's generous in a way.
Speaker 1:Alright, there was somewhere I wanted to land the plane, but we do have a good ending from earlier. That was pretty funny. I guess where I'm landing is this, which is, I think, right now I am getting so much information about how other people see me, and I used to think that was going to be, and this is like I'm sharing this for other people who are scared of being seen. I used to think that was going to be a cage. I used to think that was going to feel very confining and that I was going to constantly feel insecure about myself and feel like watched. What I actually feel is that, like the things that I was already doing naturally, things I already liked those things seem to they appeal.
Speaker 1:I could only hear the voices. The voices of straight men are the loudest in this world that we live in. Those were the voices that I could hear the most, and those voices were very confining for me. It's very nice to know that there are other swaths of people out there who are in support of how I carry myself, who like how I move around the earth, and that empowers me to be more of myself. So I don't know. That's pretty good. I guess that's it. Is there anything else you'd like to say about queerbaiting. Did we answer all the questions?
Speaker 3:I mean, yeah, I think you just answered the one about whether or not you think you're doing it, I think, or why you think you're not doing it, because it already aligns with your personality, or, like I think I'm.
Speaker 1:I don't think my answer on that is like clear. I think it, because I think it has parts of both. Like I do think I'm. I am a media executive. Like I do want these people to continue to follow. Now I'm enjoying it. I like I'm.
Speaker 1:I watched the little Nas X doc last night, like out of and just to be clear, out of curiosity. Like I, I love watching artists docs, I love watching music people docs, I love watching the perform, I love watching whatever. But what I saw in that doc was like A celebration of an extremely Gen Z Queer artist and the community that's following him. And I thought to myself, like this is a huge community of people who are this ready to rally around someone who represents their community. And I know that that is not ever going to be me and I don't mean for it ever to be, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think this about a lot of like communities that stray further and further away from like the white Protestant male ideal Straight white Protestant male ideal. It's like these communities are starved for the shit that they like. Like black folks, we are starving for good black shows. We are starving for somebody that looks like us doing something interesting or cool and like. I'm not of their community I probably am never going to be, unless that's something that changes about people too, I don't know. But if they like me, because I dress a certain way and I move a certain way and like, and also because, like, I don't push them away on purpose, I'm super good with that and I'm probably, I probably am going to lean into it yeah, I think I already am. I mean, I'm not going to lean away from it, I don't know. Does that feel clear? Yeah, all right. Does anybody else want to weigh in on this?
Speaker 3:My only thing, I guess, like you have to like mention also is that, like the problem with presenting as queer when you're not, is that when it comes down to it, and queer people are being murdered and gay rights are being rolled back and all that stuff, you are not a part of that group.
Speaker 1:How does pres what is, tell me what is? How does one present as queer?
Speaker 3:I mean, I think like a common thing with queerbaiting is, like at concerts, when musicians will like pull up and make out somebody of the same gender just to like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just to spice it up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but it's like they're not actually interested.
Speaker 1:Oh, I think that's Well. I would like to speak on that.
Speaker 3:But it's also 1248 by the way.
Speaker 1:All right, well, I'll make it quick, because I only have a couple of things to say about this NBA thing. Yeah, I mean, that is the other Like. So that's I'm glad you said that, because the moment that I step outside of myself and what I actually want to do, like how I actually feel and what I want like to To generate more interest from that particular audience, I think all is lost. Like everything then is broken. Like starting with what's inside me. Like everything is broken.
Speaker 1:The second that I'm willing to lie to kiss someone I'm not attracted to, like for the sake of, for the sake of like Like stirring up and attracting more of an audience. I think that's, if that's not who I actually am, I think that's. I don't even care about what it means for anybody else. Like I hate that for me. So, and it is bad because of what it is for everybody, but like I hate that for me.
Speaker 1:If an artist will do that because they think it's, they think it's, they think it's gonna help their audience growth, that person is empty. That means I. Then I'm like, oh, they'll do anything Like what is the? I mean, what will they not do if they could, if it's gonna make people buy their merchandise more, like I do think that's. Yeah, I don't like that, I don't like that. But if I want to fucking look like Jack Sparrow, like let me have it, that's what I like, that's what I like. All right, okay, we did it. We're gonna talk about the All Star game, which is like I even just saying we're gonna talk about it. It feels like such a dead fish, but we're gonna do it Because we have to, not because we have to because I have things to say. That's it, josh. Did you have anything to add on that?
Speaker 2:I did, but I'm a little short on. We're short on time. My opinion doesn't matter that much. Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1:Josh, josh, tell us, because who gives a fuck about the All Star game? The All Star game sucks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, actually. Yeah, that's true, I do think the All Star game sucks, and who the hell still watches it? But the only thing I'll say is like I'm not surprised. It's funny, just add some extra context into here. I've had two or three clients, practically three clients, specifically new ones, who have mentioned or wanted to record here and they're like oh, chad Sanders records here. That's part of the reason why I know and they are, that's fire and they are and it's called, and two of them were queer, oh, fire, and two of them were queer.
Speaker 1:That's so fire.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's so tight. Okay, influencer hey.
Speaker 2:So, like when you told me, when you told me you wanted, or when I heard about you talking about the subject, to me it wasn't surprising. But to make this really quick, though, I think what they are attracted to them being the queer community, I think, from my perspective that community a lot of people of that community have to grow up. They have to repress who they are. They can't be their authentic selves, and it takes them a long time to sort of figure out who their authentic selves Not all of them, but a good majority of them have that as part of their story and I think they're really attracted to anybody that really is able to.
Speaker 2:For example, I will call it radical self-expression and radical authenticity, and I think that's part of what you, I would say, ascribe to your brand, and I think that's a large reason why they are attracted to you. Outside of the obvious things, I would say, yes, your looks the way you dress a little bit, but obviously. But I don't see that as queerbaiting. I see that as you. That's always been you. You've never been anything else, and if anybody who talks to you within five minutes knows that you're not queerbaiting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, yeah, and that's the other thing that I'm like. Thank you, josh, I don't give a fuck about the All Star game, all Star games. All right, let me get my All Star game shit off, and then we're not even going to do music, we're going to keep talking about this because, josh, that was so. Thank you for telling us that that's so cool, bro. All right, couple things Shit. Can I just say really quickly why the All Star game is so ass? Can you please keep that right there? I'm going to probably forget a little bit what you just said. I'm going to all right, guys, guys, guys, guys, ladies, gentlemen, everybody. If the players don't care about the game, I refuse to fucking care about the game and I'm starting to feel that, listen, I am probably in the 99.99 percentile of NBA fans on Earth. There are few people who care and follow the NBA more closely than I do. If the players don't care about the game, the All Star game, the regular season.
Speaker 1:Giannis himself said he does not watch basketball games. Why the fuck am I going to watch that? I'm not a fucking plebe. You don't just get to throw anything you want at me as a product and I just have to drink it down Like that's just, that's like fuck off, I don't care. Like you know what, I've been saying this in private, so I'm going to say it in public too.
Speaker 1:I had an agenda. I wanted to be in support of all these NBA players with podcasts. These guys suck at podcasting. There's like three of them who are good. The rest of them are fucking terrible. Dreymont Green good. Paul George pretty good. Jj Reddick obnoxious but good. All the smoke. Pat Beverly, all the smoke. Retirees are better, like much better. They have perspective. They're not in it. In the same way, they're not protecting allegiances.
Speaker 1:I don't listen, I don't care, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't need to do business with any of you niggas. I don't care if you like me or don't. I don't care if I see your tall asses outside. I don't care, I don't care. You guys are not good at this. Stop it, don't stop trying. I'm not saying that, but like, stop telling us you hate that. Like telling us you don't care about the game. Stop showing us you don't care about the game and expecting us to keep showing up and listening and watching. Like, if you don't care, I don't care. I'll be there for the playoffs. I actually feel that way. I sound like an old white guy. I don't mean to, but that's how I feel. Okay, let's get back to this. That's it, like that's my all star game coverage.
Speaker 3:Sports segment. That was our sports segment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that should suck. Adam Silver, figure it out. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. I can hear the voices of what they would say to this. I don't care, I don't fucking care. All right, assanti Black. You know what? Assanti Black?
Speaker 2:is no. Who's that?
Speaker 1:He was the actor who played the lead, the lead.
Speaker 3:No, he was one of the leads.
Speaker 1:He was one of the leads when they see us, okay, and he just he, random, oh I, he liked her something, one of the reels, and I just followed up and was like hey bro, how'd you find, how'd you find me? And he said he found me through the show. And then he said he wanted to come on the show and do a freestyle over the song Vultures from the Kanye Vultures album. I was like, okay, cool, come through. Who else just told me they like the show? Lena Waise been fucking with the show. She's not going to come on the show, but she said she will have a private. She's going to. We're going to catch up one-on-one. Aida is going to be our guest in LA. The show is having. It's having an impact.
Speaker 1:Like what you just said about the show or, I guess, about me, but I think that's as extension of the show is like that's fire, like it's happening, it's happening, I feel it happening. Shaq obviously loves the show. Huge fan, huge fan, whatever man. I can watch Shaq on TV again. I took like three weeks off of him.
Speaker 1:Okay, I think, josh, I think you nailed something and the one thing that you said that actually was true, but I need to sharpen it, which is like you said. This is how you are and who you've always been and, truthfully, it is who I've always been, but it's not how I have always behaved. It's who I've been, but it's not how I have been. And that is because I felt so squished by the pressure of one specific type of conformity to the straight black male presentation Like you must, guys, and imagine, like, imagine what a box that is for me.
Speaker 1:When it's like nah, you're supposed to be this height, you're supposed to have these muscles, You're supposed to have this chain, you're supposed to have this car, you're supposed to have a part of the accoutrement that you're being sold. Is like you're supposed to have this girlfriend who looks like this, but who is an extremity, who's not actually like a person. It doesn't really fit any of us to. If you look at it like this, if you're really looking at it, but it's still so boxy I still go to my hometown. I see it here too.
Speaker 1:I mean it's not like, but I still go to my hometown and I see people still living like they got bought on a rack at Toys R Us with the same setup, and it hurts, it doesn't feel good, and so I do think you're right. There's a level of expression that I think is celebrated. I saw it while watching that doc next to it, and I also don't wanna put all queer people in a box, because there's certainly so many queer people who present just like you know, just like I do, or did six, seven years ago. There's a celebration of there's a release, there's a celebration of I give up, or maybe, if they see it better than I do, like I realize, I accept myself, I realize this is who I am. No amount of trying to be somebody else for someone else is gonna work. So like, so fuck it.
Speaker 1:I've been reaching out to sponsors for the last, or I was reaching out to sponsors all last night. I probably reached out to like 25 potential sponsors. I'm like literally DMing off, like hey, this is who I am. Look over here. Look, look, look at Dax Shepherd, look at Spike Lee, look at Julie Bowen, look at all this shit. Give me money. Basically, that's basically the message. Okay, look at my audience. I know these people look who they are 25 to 55 year old black people, people of color, white women. I know you wanna sell shit to them. Let me help you. Let me be your on the street drug dealer. Literally reached out to Dayquil and Nightquil.
Speaker 3:Let me sell drugs for you. I should send them the sick reel.
Speaker 1:I mean, like I'm right here, we should cut this up. Like, come on, man, it's easy, talk to me, I'll help you, talk to them. I'm not gonna sell them anything I don't use or don't like, but come on, and why don't I just bring that up? Oh, acceptance, self-acceptance. While doing so, I also realized, oh, the first thing they're gonna collide with after they get past my pinned shit on my Instagram is gonna be a reel where the first words out my mouth are white people you guys like mixed people better than black people and if they can't fuck with that, then I guess they're the wrong sponsors for me. Like, if they can't, you know what I mean. Like, if I got, it's not gonna work, I can't. It's a moving target for me to try to change what I have to say and who I am to work for them. So, like, fuck it. I guess if they can't get with that, then I'm just screwed. But I don't think I'm screwed.
Speaker 1:All right, it's one o'clock on the dot, let's get out of here. This has been Nothing Banerky the show that explores sexuality and queer baiting, and we did a great segment on the All Star game today. So we will not be back on Thursday. We'll see you guys Tuesday, same time, right here. Also, the live show audio will be available for a few bucks on Thursday because it costs money to do all this. So like, come on, fuck with me, fuck with me, all right, that's it. Delicious music years into next.
