The Real Costs Of A Wedding in Canada — and How to Handle Them

How much does the average wedding cost? The answer may be higher than you think — and the costs associated with a wedding can be surprising. You might have already budgeted out your wedding, but having the insights of people who’ve been to and planned weddings for several years is invaluable.

In this engaging episode we delve deep into the world of organizing and budgeting for significant life events, specifically weddings. We are joined by Amanda Cowley, founder, head planner and designer of Amanda Kelly Events. She also happens to be the wedding planner for Cadeem’s wedding. Jaye Simpson is also joining us today. She is a senior underwriter for a leading insurance company based in Toronto and the proud owner of Jaye’s Boutique–a go-to source for custom crafted delights perfect for celebrating life's greatest milestones.

Tune in if you or anyone you know are planning a big event, particularly weddings. And if the average wedding cost seems too high for you, this episode can help you figure out a way to manage your finances better.

Three Reasons to Listen to This Episode

1. Learn how to effectively manage external pressures and align them with your budget and event vision.
2. Discover the importance of financial planning in staging successful life events.
3. Understand how to address surprise costs and ensuring value for money.

Resources

• Money.ca
• Amanda Cowley Events
• Amanda Cowley on Instagram
• Amanda Cowley Events Facebook Page
• Jaye's Boutique on Instagram
• Jaye's Boutique on Facebook
• Jaye Simpson on LinkedIn

Guests:

About Amanda Cowley

Amanda Cowley is the founder of Amanda Cowley Planning + Design. They do extensive work for couples aiming to have wonderful weddings and celebrations to truly honor that special moment.

Visit her website, or follow her on Instagram.

About Jaye Simpson

Jaye Simpson is an entrepreneur and started her own business, Jaye’s Boutique, which caters to wedding crafts.

Connect with her on LinkedIn.

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Transcript

Amanda: The friction tends to be mostly with those outside factors. The parents, especially if they're very hands on and if what they're contributing is a large portion and they just want to make sure that it's going to the right places and being used wisely.

I feel like there have been many times where I've kind of had to step outside of my role as a planner and step in as like, a moderator. And you do it with love and you do it with all the experience in the world, and you just say, you know, it's going to be this, that and the other thing, but that can tend to be the number one thing.

Cadeem:  I'm Cadeem Lalor.

Bethan: I'm Bethan Moorcraft.

Cadeem: And this is a Half Banked Podcast presented by money.ca. You swiped right on someone. You clicked, you fell in love. Maybe you moved in and got a pet together. You've decided you want to merge your lives and your finances, for better or for worse.

For a lot of couples, there may be daydreams of walking down the aisle dressed in your best heartfelt wedding bows and families coming together in celebration.

Bethan: But like a lot of things in life, the price tag can put a damper on those visions.

Cadeem: In Canada, the average wedding costs about $29,000, according to WeddingWire CA, and 30% of couples admit to taking on debt to cover the costs of the big day. 

Bethan: That could be why couples are getting married later in life. With the latest statistics showing that many Canadians are now waiting until their early or mid thirty s to tie the knot, one major factor in this trend is that more couples are moving in together and living together longer before marriage. Since 1981, the percentage of common law couples in Canada has increased from 6% to over 20%.

Cadeem: It's important to agree on a financial plan before you take that next big step as a couple. If the cost of your big day pushes your finances beyond the brink, then your honeymoon period could be short lived.

Bethan: Now it's not just the happy couples splashing the cash during wedding season. The financial burden also weighs on guests, especially if you're planning to attend multiple celebrations in one year.

Cadeem: Gifts, hotels, maybe flights, maybe a new suit or dress all these add up quickly. But backing out of a wedding for financial reasons might make you feel like you're letting a friend or relative down. In this episode of Half Banked, we'll talk to a wedding planner, my wedding planner to be exact, to examine some do's and don'ts for budgeting for your big day.

Bethan: We'll also talk to a millennial Torontonian who's been part of so many weddings, she decided to make a business out of it. And she's here to dish on how young Canadians can survive the summer wedding season.

Cadeem: Now we have Amanda Cowley, founder, head planner and designer of Amanda Cowley Events, based in Niagara, Ontario. Thanks for joining us.

Amanda: Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Cadeem: I think this will be very interesting look and kind of an inside look at the wedding industry. So really appreciate it. And so I just want to ask if you're comfortable just talking about your background a little bit, how you got into this, how long you've been at it.

Amanda: Yeah, actually this August, just in a few short weeks, not far off from your wedding weekend, actually will be my 10th anniversary doing this. I am a floral designer by trade. I've been cake designer and maker. I've worked in wineries, I've assisted photographers. So I've had my hand in weddings and events since I started working at maybe 16 years old.

Cadeem: I think you're great. Just throw a little compliment in there and then the people you work with can be entertaining, kind of for better or for worse too. We'll get into that as well. So what would you say is, like, the average price people end up paying for the weddings for the people that you work with?

Amanda: Well, it's so different from where we were pre-pandemic, which is only just a handful of years ago, but where we were even ten years ago feels like a lifetime ago. Like, it is just absolutely silly to think that ten years ago, what you could have for an average size wedding, 100 to 150 people is kind of an average size wedding today.

Getting closer to that 100 mark, scaling back and definitely making things more intimate is the trend. I see you were looking at spending around the $40,000 mark in the beginning of things to host about 150 people.

A really lovely wedding with delicious food and entertainment and kind of the bells and whistles. And it would be beautiful and memorable today to accomplish something like that. Definitely approaches the 70 to 80 and up mark.

Bethan: How much do you think that kind of the economic factor of inflation is playing into that too? Just kind of generally raising the price of everything.

Amanda: The vendors that I refer, or even a lot of the venues, especially being Niagara based, I work with a lot of family run wineries, or I work with people who want to celebrate on their private properties.

And so we're working with a lot of vendors that are small business owners. And so the cost of what they pay to staff that they're training and clinging onto for dear life, fuel costs, supply costs, supply chain issues, all of those things definitely impact the pricing I've seen and the quotes I've received even just over the last few years.

For sure. Yeah. Grocery shopping is night and day compared to what it was a few years ago, and that's transferable right across the wedding board. For sure.

Bethan: Absolutely. One thing we're interested in as well, in researching for this episode and looking at weddings and costs, et cetera, we found that people are generally kind of getting married a bit older these days in the kind of mid, early to mid thirty s range.

So that might include professional couples who've built up some savings and they're willing to kind of do this themselves. Do you see differences in spend between different generations?

Amanda: Yes. So I'm definitely working with a lot of professional people and that affects a budget massively. And it's for the reasons that you say a lot of times they're in their mid to late thirty s and older. They have some savings behind them, they know what they want. Their point of view is really, really clear.

And so to plan with someone who has a really clear point of view, it's easy to sort of say, these are the non-negotiables. It's going to be A, B and C. We don't care about the fluff. We're not interested in being influenced by anything from the outside. Pinterest is a thing, whatever. That's not our thing. It's like we care about a gorgeous venue, delicious food, a premium bar, and some great entertainment, and we're going to throw the whole budget at those things. And if it gets a little bit out of hand, that's okay because we've got that buffer.

But when it's like a 20 year old couple and I still do work with young couples, which is really nice, priorities are definitely different. And then the decisions made based on those things have many moving parts because they're supported by things like family or having to take out some form of loan or assistance in order to cover the cost of the wedding.

Bethan: How big of a role do you feel that social media and everything we see on the internet kind of has to play in that? I want to have the biggest, most sparkly, best wedding of 2023.

Amanda: Yeah. I hear it often from my brides specifically, although I have lots of grooms who care very much, but my brides are the ones that are being sort of like inundated by. If you search one hashtag on Instagram or you look up one thing on Pinterest, it is just going to come at you so quick and fast and it's changing every single minute.

And so to even keep up with what is the coolest thing anymore and is this thing that I really liked worth investing in? Because I'm planning my wedding a year and a half in advance. So I've fallen in love with this thing that's going to take up a good little chunk of my budget, but I'm worried about even like, is that going to be relevant or I'm going to like it still when I get married.

You're making decisions that are so far in advance that you're holding their wise investments. So I would say my role there is to always sort of go back to what's classic, go back to what stands the test of time.

You're going to look in your photos 20 years from now and you're going to say, I am so glad that we went for that really classic thing and that maybe we didn't do, I don't know, like some wild trendy thing that somebody made everybody think was the great thing to do. Taking inspiration and maybe adding a little bit infusing a little bit, but not feeling like you need to do every single trendy thing that's out there because it's unlimited, it's infinite.

Cadeem: I was going to say Annika actually had some Pinterest boards, but I think in her case it was not. Let me look online to see what's trendy it was like, I kind of like this. I want to see get some ideas based around what I already like the flower umbrellas.

That was something she got from there, but I think she had that idea beforehand. So it's not just social media kind of dictating what she wants. It's just like you can find some inspiration and still kind of make it timeless and then make it more customized.

Amanda: Yeah. You guys are the perfect example of having a wedding that is truly who you guys are as a couple. I mean, we're infusing two very bold cultures. We're pulling on the food, we're pulling on the drinks, we're pulling on the color, we're pulling on the music, we're pulling on so many things that are true to who you are in the fusion of your families.

But then, like you said, we can't help but think that this little pineapple thing we saw to do for a signature cocktail is so cute. So we're going to do it. But again, it's relatable and it's not like a budget breaker. We're not going to break the budget doing that. Yeah, you guys are the perfect example of that, for sure.

Bethan: I was hoping you were going to dish the dirt and give us a-

Amanda: No way.

Cadeem: We're going to edit that sentence and just say perfect example, like a couple. Just get it shortened and yeah, I think we'll let it run like that.

And then even the rum and pineapple thing is also just that's something that I actually like to drink. So we want to factor it in that way, make it more customized and personal again. Yeah. Thank you. So I'm excited to learn that we're going about it a good way. It's good to hear that. And then I was also wondering, there's a lot of things kind of surprising for me when it came to costs of weddings.

One of the ones I've sort of I think I've touched on a little bit here is just the venue cost, how that doesn't include everything. I kind of assume it comes like, already that includes all food, all drinks, table settings and so forth. It doesn't. And then if I'm wondering, for a lot of the couples you work with, what do they view or what tends to come up as kind of the most surprising cost?

Amanda: Yeah, that's fair. I think that a lot of times the photo and video costs, if that's something that couples are going after, can kind of make them take a step back and think, oh, wow, and I kind of prep them before we even start reaching out to vendors.

We're not going to waste anyone's time and just cold call. I have like a little running list of the vendors that I love working with that I can give great feedback on because of personal experience time and time again.

So I try to make referrals for clients based on those kinds of things, not only the style that they have and what they're looking for aesthetically, but where their budget realistically is to hire something like that.

And then florals have become one of those components. And you're shaking your head because you looked at floral quotes and again, a few years ago, floral quotes look a lot different than they do today, but the pandemic shook everything up.

Bethan: I'm just going to, well, if I get married, make everyone pick some flowers and carry them in, bring a daisy, it'll be fine, a andelion.

Amanda, at the start of this chat, you said that today you could be spending in the range of $70,000 for an average sized 150 guest wedding, which is a big sum of money. How often do you see just wedding spending generally getting out of control? Obviously as a planner, you can help people to kind of see, look at their budget and think about that, but how often do you see it, hear about it and what can be done?

Amanda: My job with full service more than anything is to make sure that that budget stays on track and that there isn't that out of control feeling. Inevitably it is going to be something that has to be considered, like there's always got to be a buffer built in there.

But I do find that when I see things get out of hand, it is almost generally not in the bride and groom's control. It is about things like family members saying, we need to have twelve more people come, or 20 more people come, or we forgot about this number of people, or now we want to provide transportation services and move all the guests, and we'd like to cover that cost.

We don't want guests covering that cost. Or we want to upgrade from the standard bar package to the premium bar package. We'd like to see a premium bar offered. Whether that fund is being contributed by the parent making the request or the family member making the request or the bride and groom, it's still the budget at the end of the day, it's still all a part of the same spreadsheet.

And so that is where I usually see things go outside of the original scope and the original plan. It's those outside factors, and it's really hard as a couple, especially if they are being gifted a portion of the budget by parents, grandparents, whoever it is to say no to things like that. It's very difficult.

Cadeem: I was wondering then, so do you typically try to give or have them plan for a range outside of their budget? Or basically when you're doing the budget initially, are you kind of like planning for 5000 over or whatever?

Amanda: Yeah, I would say that's fair. Or when we see that outside factor come in, then we kind of look and see, okay, where can we pull back a little bit or where can we be more hands on? And again, to go back to you guys, Cadeem and Annika.

Annika and I just went through all of the plans for stationery, which she's designed all of the stationery on her own. She's designed all the signage on her own. She's having it printed through a very reasonable printer. And rather than paying a stationery and signage designer to do that for far more than what you guys are going to invest into that portion of your day, she's taken it on. She's taken that sort of like hands on. Yes, she likes doing it. She's so type A and loves the control, making sure it's going to be exactly what she wants. And I appreciate that so much.

But also, what a great way to not have every single category of your budget just blown to the very top. Let's be reasonable in some areas and get hands on. And that was one of the ways, and I think that's always a great way, something that feels hands on. You can't photograph your wedding day, you can't maybe do all the florals, you can't cater it or bartend it, but you can do some other things. And that's a great way to adjust if you need to.

Cadeem: That's what you're thinking with the small things because like the logo especially, because I just want to give credit to one of our friends, she actually reached out about designing it because we knew she did graphic design.

We were looking at other places, charging a lot more. Like you mentioned, our friend was willing to just kind of give us that as a wedding gift. So again, hands on piece kind of helps to save some money. And then I guess I wonder, do you have specific areas where you find the friction pops up the most when it comes to couples when they're planning their budget?

Amanda: Yeah, the friction again, tends to be mostly with those outside factors. The parents, especially if they're very hands on and if what they're contributing is a large portion and they just want to make sure that it's going to the right places and being used wisely.

I feel like there have been many times where I've kind of had to step outside of my role as a planner and step in like a moderator.

Bethan: Yeah, you must have had instances where one of the two is somewhat dragged to you. We're going to use a wedding planner to plan the wedding, et cetera.

And maybe there are couples as well who perhaps aren't on the same page when it comes to expenses and what they want to spend on the big day. What advice do you have for those couples who perhaps aren't quite yet on the same page?

Amanda: I feel like going back to the non negotiables. I think when you sit down and start planning a wedding, whether you're doing this with your planner, if you're going to hire one, or you're doing this on your own, I think that making a list of sort of the non negotiables and each having one is such a great thing to come back to when it feels like you're getting out of hand.

So when I got married, for me, I knew I wanted to get married in June because that's when peonies are in bloom and they're my favorite flower. And I couldn't imagine not having peonies at my wedding. I know that seems ridiculous, but that was my non negotiable.

My husband's was to have a band, a live band, non negotiable. And I knew that if I got married outside of June, then A) peonies weren't going to be in season. And if they were imported from another country, then they were going to be three to four times more per stem than I was paying in season locally. So that was a non negotiable for me and I knew what his was and then the exterior items, we kind of just had to always find a middle ground.

But we always came back to the things that we knew were the most important. We got married when we were quite young, so we did have those external considerations when it came to parents gifting and being a part of our budget.

And I feel like that pressure we received. My mom is Italian and so her, to hear I was marrying a mungie cake and having a 120 person wedding was kind of shocking and almost not believable.

So she tried to help make that guest count grow. And a cheeky thing we did is secured a venue that really could only accommodate 120 people. So that's a very cheeky little tip.

And I think that this might be something that you guys have done because you probably could have had 1000 person wedding realistically, but your venue can't accommodate much more comfortably than 120. So if you can kind of use the venue as your leverage there, that's a great way to sort of help manage your day and not let it get out of hand. It physically can't.

Cadeem: Because I will say too, even that actually ends up being one of the tough things when it comes to the planning piece is actually just bidding as much people as you want in the 120. Like outside the financials, that's one piece that kind of ties in that makes weddings more difficult. Just a heads up for some people.

Bethan: That's an important point though because people just might not even know where to start. If they're engaged, they want to get married, don't know where to start, so they'll look to a planner. But there's also a cost that comes with bringing in an expert to help with that.

Amanda: It's a long journey for most. The longest client I've had, she booked me two years before COVID and we planned together for four and a half years. Wow, your face is so great. But we replanned her wedding four times. Yes. Most of the time they're reaching out to me anywhere from a year and a half to two years in advance.

So it is a long relationship. With that comes a lot of time and a lot of energy. The range for a planner, depending on the level of service they're going to provide to the client, I would say can be anywhere from the $3000 to $10,000 range.

The stat you see over and over again when looking, you get engaged and you go online and what does a wedding budget look like? And it's a pie. It's normally 10% that goes to the planner of your overall budget. Okay. So if you're planning $100,000 wedding, you can probably expect that your planner is going to charge about $10,000 to plan that wedding.

Cadeem: Thank you. And I guess I was wondering, too, because part of the wedding cost that we want to touch on is also looking at guests, wedding, party, groomsmen and so forth. Do you have kind of tips or stories related to kind of managing that piece of things in order to as part of the budget?

Amanda: I would say that when couples feel the obligation or the want, even just the want to have a wedding party, especially a larger one, with that comes this guilt about how much each of those individuals is paying to participate in their wedding day. Right.

And you're both nodding your head because we've all been there, where we've been like, okay, we're going to do the bridal shower. We're going to do the bachelorette, we're going to do the okay, now it's the wedding stay in a hotel, hair and makeup dress. It is a lot of moving parts.

And for couples who can put it in their budget to do something to help offset some of those costs, it's so nice when maybe your hair and makeup is a gift that's a part of the wedding day to your bridesmaids or the shirts that the guys are going to wear. Cufflinks or something. I mean, just like little details like that to help try to offset some of those costs is really nice.

Cadeem: All right, well, thank you so much. I think learning more and also getting some compliments from you, which I appreciate for Bethany yet, but maybe you two will meet again in the future. We never know.

Amanda: That would be lovely. We can have a wildflower wedding. I love that. Let's do it.

Cadeem: She's nodding her head. I think she's down. And I think listeners will get a lot of value out of that. Thank you so much.

Bethan: Yeah, definitely.

Amanda: You're welcome. Thanks for having me. This was really nice. Thank you.

Cadeem: So just wondering, as someone who's said you'd be looking to get married some point in the future, what's the first thing on your mind after that discussion?

Bethan: Well, I have to say the first thing on my mind was that she said you were the perfect couple.

Cadeem: I said no other context. Just perfect couple. That's all she said.

Bethan: Yeah, I mean, perfect co host, perfect couple.

Cadeem: Aw, thank you.

Bethan: I was quite shocked by the two items she flagged as being the surprise cost, that being flowers or florals and photography, as I kind of joked, get everyone to pick some flowers. I didn't even think about why that would be such an expense. I mean, have you noticed that in planning?

Cadeem: I guess photography video didn't surprise me as much. And we'd worked with a photographer before, and I just saw one thing that kind of matters when you're sort of person of color is a photographer who actually gets your color right.

Lighting turns out well, you actually look good in pictures. So that was something that we kind of did not want to compromise on. And then video, it is nice to have after, depending on if you can swing it. But yeah, I think floral was just more shocking in terms of what it adds versus how much it costs. I think that really took me out.

Bethan: The other thing that I thought was really important, actually, was when she was talking about kind of reducing costs for the wedding party and for guests. I went to three weddings last summer, so we're well and truly in the wedding stretch of life. 

And all three, actually, the bridesmaids, they followed a color pattern, but they were allowed to go and get whatever dress like she said, whatever dress they were comfortable in. And they looked fab. And I think that's important if you feel good, the colors were there for the photos, et cetera.

But I think that sort of compromise is really important and it's more about kind of bringing your friends and family together. It doesn't need to be uniform perfection, in my opinion, but obviously, you know.

Cadeem: For sure, because even getting some of the groomsmen suits for one of my friends' weddings, and even then, it wasn't like sweetheart table instead of a big grooms table. That's kind of one of the things.

But we are all dressed up the same, but we didn't have to go basically to the same tailor and get the same black suit. It's just kind of like get a black suit this style, like two pockets, whatever, and then kind of go wherever is closest for you since everyone's out of town, so they don't have to spend time and money traveling to one spot to meet up, get the same suit at the same place.

And some of them were able to get their suits for much cheaper than others and whatever works best for them. At the end of the day, it's just we look kind of close enough. We don't have to be identical and perfect for the pictures, and the pictures still turned out great anyway.

Bethan: I just think that's important, especially when you might be going to one, two, three weddings a year and buying something new. A new outfit for each wedding just kind of seems expensive. Expensive, a bit silly, maybe.

And that's something that we're going to really take a deep dive into with our next guest. And with that, it's my pleasure to welcome Jaye Simpson, a senior underwriter for a Toronto insurance company and the owner of Jaye's Boutique, a custom craft shop for events like weddings, birthdays, and other milestones. Jaye, welcome.

Jaye: Hi. Thanks for having me.

Cadeem: And thanks for joining us. So I guess we'll get into it first thing. I've heard you've attended a lot of weddings. Just wondering if you can verify a number for me.

Jaye: So in the last five years, I've attended six weddings.

Cadeem: Okay. All right. Thank you. And then we understand I helped you to start your business, Jaye’s Boutique, but first, can you talk us through the expenses that basically go into attending and or participating in a wedding

Jaye: I think this is a really important topic to discuss because I think a lot, especially as somebody who's part of the wedding party, you tend to get really excited. You want to stand there, you want to support your friends, all the fun things that come with having a wedding and being there.

But I think a lot of people get caught up in those moments, and they really don't understand that there is a large financial aspect to that. I mean, even just being a guest alone, a lot of us want to buy a new dress, new shoes, outfit like that, wedding gigs.

If you're attending any of the pre wedding celebrations, there's always a financial cost to the excitement, unfortunately. So, I mean, for me, a lot of the weddings that I've been in have been really close friends to me, so I've been lucky enough to have brides in my life where they've asked in advance.

The general rule of thumb is six months prior to the wedding, but I think just life gets busy and things like that, and people want to go, go. So I've been lucky to have that advance notice. So that's really helped for budgeting those kind of things.

Cadeem: For sure.

Bethan: It's funny what you said about you want to have a new dress or a new pair of shoes. I really feel like, Cadeem, you can correct me if you disagree, but I feel like it's kind of a woman issue because maybe I'll recycle a pair of heels, but I don't want. To wear the same dress with it if I'm at two or three weddings in this summer. So it adds up, definitely.

Cadeem: I will say for me as a guy too, though, if you're attending weddings where there's mutual friends between them, like, I had one friend's wedding last summer and I know I didn't want to wear the same suit to another friend's this summer because like, a lot of the decent amount of the crowd overlaps.

So I definitely didn't want to be viewed in the same suit as I was last time because also, looking back at pictures, maybe they notice even if they don't remember, oh, they're same suit as Cooper's wedding.

This one I'm like, yeah, I don't want to do that either. I'm not going to lie. It does feel nice to kind of get a new suit. The excitement of putting that on. Maybe I have some of that excitement when it comes to weddings as well.

Jaye: Oh, yeah, for sure. That's one of my favorite parts. The whole dress up part.

Bethan: Also extra context for our listeners. Cadeem is a very sharply dressed fella. He has lots of suits. So Jaye, when budgeting for those expenses, have you had to make certain compromises and can you share any kind of strategies that you've used to kind of get through that?

Jaye: Yeah, actually, I have a very good example. When I was a lot younger, I got my first apartment moving out of my parents house and one of my friends that I had grown up with, she was getting married and it was a destination wedding.

So I was like, awesome, I'm in. Like, yes, I want to be there. We did the whole dress thing and everything like that. And then when it came down to it, again, she was a bride that was planning ahead. I think she had like a two year plan for it once it came to booking where she was going to have the wedding, what resort we were going to be staying at, it was extremely unaffordable for me.

That was one of the first weddings I was in. And I will admit it was a big learning experience from there because again, I was caught up in the excitement. It's vacation. It's a wedding, too. It's going to be such a blast. And then I guess I didn't really have grip on how expensive some of these things could be.

Especially weddings are family. So you're going to a family resort. You're not going to a resort where everyone's partying 24 hours a day. So sometimes the costs are more because there's water parks, whatever. So that was a huge learning lesson very early on in my participation in weddings.

But I mean, there's absolutely budget cuts that do happen. Maybe I won't be going out as often. I won't be splurging on regular shopping as often. So there are those little things there. But I do believe, too that it's hard to budget if you're not already financially responsible or budget savvy. And I think that's a really key lesson, especially being the generation that we are. I think we lacked a little bit of that education.

I'm happy that schools are teaching it now, but I wouldn't say that our parents were just working to pay the bills, so maybe they didn't have that budget either. So I think that's a big struggle for our generation.

Cadeem: We definitely touched on that in previous episodes of the podcast, too. Never really getting kind of formal teaching. It's kind of like go into the frying pan and kind of learn how to make it work as you go along.

So it's definitely like learning a lot of things the hard way. And I guess that point you touched on about the notice, I believe that helps with budgeting because you mentioned six months out. I'm guessing if, you know, you have a big wedding coming up, especially if it's destination or anything like that, maybe you're probably not going out as much leading up to that.

Maybe not buying outside of the clothes for the wedding. Maybe you don't buy as much new stuff during that either. So I'm guessing that that's kind of a piece of the budgeting.

Jaye: Yeah, that's where it is. I mean, let's face it, it's expensive. So live these days. So a lot of us don't have just that large fun money where we can just dip into for all those things. So I do believe that you kind of have to think about it going into this wedding.

There are going to be sacrifices that I have to make, and I mean, especially being in the party, you're kind of responsible for things. On the women's side, some people do the bridal shower and the bachelorette, the guys have their bachelors.

There's things like that. Jack and Jills, if that's a factor, if they're trying to raise money. So there's a lot of support that's needed. And I think people need to understand that they're not just asking you to be in the nice picture, they're asking you to help support them through this. Because weddings are expensive.

Bethan: Do you think it would ever reach a point where you would have to or be willing to say, no, I'm sorry, I can't come to that destination wedding because flights, hotels, et cetera are too expensive? And would you be comfortable to say that?

Jaye: I think it's a hard thing to say. I mean, obviously you feel super special that that person's even making that decision for you. But I'm also a firm believer in communication, and if you and this person have this relationship, keep it open and honest with them.

Even when you're close with friends, you don't really know what they have going on in the background 100%. I mean, at the end of the day, relationships are communication. And if you have that open communication with somebody, it just makes things so much easier

Bethan: Can you talk us through like bachelorette parties or things like that for friends? Can you talk us through some of the costs of organizing those events?

Jaye: Let's just talk bachelorette, for example. So what do they see for their bachelor, bachelorette parties? Is it something where they want to go away? That's another huge financial aspect to it. Is it something they just want to do a one day thing or is it going to be like a weekend of event? I think once you get a better idea and understanding of that, and again, it is honesty. I have $200 I can pitch on the bachelorette.

As soon as you know exactly what that number is, let that maid of honor know or the best man know. This is what my budget is. And sometimes people have different incomes, people have different lifestyles. So yeah, you can only pitch 200, but maybe there's somebody else that can afford a little bit more.

So it doesn't mean that you're not still helping out with that. Just really boils down to just be loud about it and be honest with people and nobody should be shaming you. At the end of the day, everybody knows the financial cost, the cost of living right now. So I think in today's day there's a lot more understanding around that than maybe ten years ago when things were a lot less costly.

Bethan: I'm really getting this kind of what you're saying about open communication, being honest with each other about what you can afford and what you can be part of.

I think the issue today is that there seems to be kind of heightened expectations on people about what they do for their bachelorette bachelor parties, having a destination wedding, doing all these big things and getting the best possible social media posts and stuff like that.

What do you think is behind those expectations? Not just for weddings, but also in other kind of major life milestones and events?

Jaye: Yeah, we're very much — I don't know if this is going to age me — but doing it for the ‘Gram is still a thing. People want the likesm the follows. They want to be talked about and shared on a stranger's page and all that feedback.

Let's be honest, family is a huge factor, especially you're the only child getting married or oldest, the oldest, the baby. There's a lot of family pressures and even culturally I think there's a lot of influence being in Canada. We're a multicultural country, so everybody's coming from back home. So you want to make sure that you keep that authenticity to your culture there as well, while still pleasing and making sure that it's you.

Birthdays seem to be going that way now too. I find a lot of more people are like renting halls and having this big balloons everywhere and the fancy lights and the DJs and the photo booths. What's the difference between a wedding and a birthday when it comes to having all those things there. There's pressures there, too.

Your friends having this big, gigantic birthday, and it's like, well, they're inviting me. They're spending all of this money. I want to get them the best gift. So then that kind of pressure kicks in, too. So we kind of get it from all angles. I definitely think social media is like the main driver in all of that.

Bethan: Yeah, well, absolutely. Well, I was just going to say, I'm not married one day. I would like to be, but that scares me. Just the idea of splashing out so much cash on one eight to 10 hours of fun, that's kind of scary.

Jaye: I feel a lot of pressure from the brides and grooms that I've kind of been on that journey with. Is the family pressure inviting your third cousin twice removed that you've never met before in your life, and that's a cost to the bride and groom, and that's when the guest list blows out of the water.

Cadeem: There is that pressure to have certain people invited, and then you're kind of thinking about that. I mean, one article I'd read kind of just put into perspective, it's like, would you pay for $1,000 for that person's dinner? Would you take them out for dinner for $1,000? And then you'll put that into perspective of you and inviting them to the wedding.

And then if you're getting pressure to invite someone that you don't really want there, or she's kind of out of obligation, that can also kind of put financial strain. Because even with our own wedding actually think my fiancee.

And I have found that one of the biggest, bigger stressors was actually just figuring out the wedding list, because it's a relatively small one, like 100 people, and then thinking about, how am I going to like after 20 people with the right family between the both of us, and then figuring out 40 each. That can get very tough.

Jaye: Oh, yeah, for sure. And I mean, again, parents come into play there when you want to cut somebody and they're like, no, you can't. And then you're arguing there with your parent, you're like, but it's my wedding!

Bethan: So, Jaye, I wanted to kind of come back to the beginning of our conversation. You said you've been to six weddings in the past five years. How many of them were you a guest at and how many were you sort of part of the wedding party?

Jaye: So out of the six, I was part of the wedding party in five of those. Then the one that I wasn't in the wedding party, I did the hair and I was a guest in the wedding. I make the joke that I'm the next 27 dresses, but I just love weddings.

Bethan: I wasn’t going to say that if you didn’t say it. So, I mean, that has, in part, as I understand it, kind of inspired the creation of a business that you have called Jaye's Boutique. So tell us a little bit about that.

Jaye: I was actually supporting one of my dearest friends in her wedding journey through her Jack and Jill and her bridal party and bachelorette. So there was things even for the wedding day that I was doing for her. I did her card box and things like that and as I was kind of going through and making all of these things and just posting them on my social media, like, oh, made this today.

People started asking me like, do you sell this stuff? I was seeing how I mean, obviously being my friend, I was doing things pro bono for her, but I seen how having that personal touch to a lot of things in life, I feel like we're in the age of customization. So yeah, I kind of took a jump.

I wasn't really planning it. I mean, making more money is obviously always a good thing, but as anybody knows who's owned a business, making money does not happen quickly.

It was the right time. It was in the fall when I really kind of launched things and of course Christmas just blew my business out of the water and shout out to my friends because my friends really supported my journey through that and I don't think my business would be where it is today without them.

Cadeem: Yeah, it's nice to have something from that big day that you can take away from it and that kind of could possibly serve you the rest of your life as opposed to just being an expense just for one big day.

Bethan: So Jaye, when you launched Jaye's Boutique, you said you took a bit of a jump. Why did you feel the need from a practical standpoint to do that, to start a side hustle and cover some of these costs?

Jaye: So, I mean I'm lucky enough to have a pretty decent day job, but at the end of the day, rent goes up, food costs, I mean we all seen what's happened in the last eight months or so. Like food costs have just gone through the roof.

Unfortunately, in the corporate world, it's not like I can knock on my boss's door and say, hey, my grocery bill went up, can I get some extra money? So I find a big part that our generation needs is some sort of side hustle.

And I mean that doesn't necessarily mean that you're selling a product. I know a lot of people have gone on journeys of teaching people about stock and writing books for motivation or they're doing like life coaching things. And I think the reality of it now is we're in that generation of just like, hustle, hustle, hustle.

For me, I didn't have an RESP when I went to college, so I had to take out that loan and I had to learn about making that repayment back to OSAP after I was done. So I also want to influence my daughter into the sense of multiple sources of income is becoming a reality.

Bethan: I know to start off with, a lot of it was friends, word of mouth, kind of a lot of support from your inner circle. What have you done to kind of grow the business beyond that a little bit? What tactics have you used?

Jaye: Social media. Social media is going to have to be the way I go. And I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Instagram. I've been a Facebook user from day one, but I really got to get on TikTok. TikTok seems to be the place to go now.

Cadeem: Because you touched on the social media piece that I guess I just want to mention for that when it comes to the research part is also, I guess not, maybe not part of, it's not letting the image of something kind of draw you in, because it seems like an obvious thing. But I feel like a lot of people don't.

It still can suck people in, like the glamorized idea of the hustle, entrepreneurship and so forth, and then not really seeing the reality of possibly making $10 this month and then $500 the next. Not being a stable, like understanding that that is something that's just part of the business.

Jaye: You kind of want to have the mentality of you got to think today of where you want to be in five years. You have to have the mentality, like, I'm a successful business owner. Just have that drive and the motivation, and every day is not easy.

Like you said, some months you pull in $10, and other months you're doing great. And I've had those moments in my business, and it's hard not to get into that slump and think, did I go wrong? But if you look at the statistic, year one is not successful for most small businesses

Cadeem: That was also not throwing shade at you, as the kids would say, example. But yeah, I know that's just the risk of a small business in general. Yeah, no, it's true. I was wondering, any final thoughts on how to kind of survive wedding season as guest or basically as the couple member of the party?

Jaye: That's the thing. Go into this knowing that you got to save a little bit. You have to have that phase where you save you do bank some money because you can budget down to the cent, and you're still going to just blow. You're going to blow something. It always happens.

Cadeem: All right, well, thank you so much. I believe that's luminance conversation, hopefully for guests and also for people who might be getting married soon. So thank you so much.

Jaye: Awesome. Thank you so much for having me. And good luck with the wedding festivities.

Cadeem:  Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Bethan: All right, so that was a really interesting conversation. I think I learned a lot there. What would you say are your key takeaways?

Cadeem:  I guess first thing is I did mention the issue of like, familial pressure and so forth. That's not a dig at either my family or my fiance. Just want to clear that up, clear the air. But I guess a piece of it too, is that seems like a very universal thing.

She related to that as well, Jaye did. And who knows, maybe in a few years or whenever you might come across that yourself, it's something that might not seem like a financial matter, but if you say, for example, get familiar pressure and they kind of say that they want more people, right? Like, in our case, it's pretty small venue, like I mentioned, 100 people.

But if there was more pressure to invite more people, maybe we have to get a bigger venue that seats 200 instead, and then that can make a budget balloon. And then maybe it could be a case where the parents are not covering it, but they still expect that.

So that can be very tough. There's this idea that the financial topic should be kind of taboo, but I think that topic should not be taboo with those types of people, and they should understand that.

Bethan: Yeah, it's interesting. Like, I've been in Canada for five years now, but a lot of my friends and family at home in the UK are reaching that kind of wedding season, wedding age. And so I've got some tough decisions to make because I can't afford to fly back each and every single time.

Right. And I think while you always want to be there for your friends or your family, going to a wedding one day is not worth breaking the budget for, it's not worth going into debt for, in my opinion.

And I truly believe that if you're as close to that person as you believe you are, they can forgive you for that, or you can communicate and find a workaround and kind of help each other to get there.

Cadeem:  100%. I think, as she had mentioned, the notice piece is a big part of it, like six months at least, when you're sending out invites. I have had some people, like more last minute. I have instances of that with other people's weddings where kind of a last minute thing, they kind of bail out and that can always be annoying.

But I think a part of that might be the kind of embarrassment or shame of just being able to say, like, look, this is kind of tough for me, so there might be kind of last minute changes and so forth that's come around. 

But I think you can avoid all that, that sort of shame, guilt, the kind of running around with other excuses, if you feel like you can just be open and honest about what the real problem is. And if you know that early on.

Bethan: Yeah, and this goes back to what you said as well about familial pressure, that's the hard way to say, I think you and your partner need to have a plan. You need to stick to it and be strong about it. And of course there'll be pressures. 

There'll be things that you spend more money on than you think and things that you didn't even think of that you all of a sudden need to splash out five grand on. And that's really annoying.

Cadeem:  And when it comes to weddings, there are costs that you don't even think of or the ones you assume are rolled into other services. So you don't want that to be kind of a kick in the teeth. Like if you're getting the venue, one small thing I've learned is that that does not include even things like the plates you're still paying for that separate after the venue.

So there's all the kind of different costs rolled into each other and ones that get added on that you're not thinking of and then like, oh, then you're paying for floral and then the napkins. All of that stuff is extra on top of what you're already paying. So just a note. Food for thought.

Bethan: Yeah. One thing I will add too, is that I really admire Jaye's move to kind of turn that into a side hustle because we all do things, we all kind of attend things that our friends are organizing. Maybe sometimes, maybe it's just me, but begrudgingly will go away. But yeah, I really admire what she's done and kind of turned her learnings, she's helping her friends and now turning that into a bit of cash flow. And that will help her to attend even more weddings. You never know.

Cadeem:  100%. And even for the couple getting married, that DIY touch, I find is a big piece of it because from an emotional standpoint, you want it to be a special day. And I think aside from just spending money, if you can get stuff that's very kind of unique, custom, DIY, kind of like handcrafted by people you care about, that adds something special to it too, even if it might be more time consuming.

Because I know in my fiance's case, she's her and her friends, they'll get together and just make these flower umbrellas and like umbrella stocks and then wrap the flowers around and that's just like a cool kind of custom thing that also can save some money, but also just looks great.

And it's something that adds like a little note of love and I think just that personalization that makes it like that gesture and the logo, like the logo that Ford Jamaican and Indian flight combination that extends beyond that one big day. And it's something that's a true lifelong memory.

Bethan: Yeah, I don't think you need to necessarily compromise on the things that you truly care about. Right. If you want to have the princess dress, absolutely. Go for it. Exactly. But yeah, there are ways to manage that. I admire what Jaye's done in terms of turning that into a business as well.

If you liked this episode, be sure to subscribe rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you're listening to this podcast. If you want to get in touch with us, you can email us at hello@halfbanked.com.

Cadeem: Special thanks to executive producer Samantha Eamon and producers Kevin Hamilton, Shane Murphy, James Battiston and technical producers Marie Alcubierre Muhammad Tabish. This episode was edited by Lead Podcasting. Until next time.