Episode 2 - F*** Grandma!

Let's dive into generational fat shaming, talk about the harm it causes and how ridiculously ineffective it is. Oh, and how shitty my grandma was :) 

Music sourced through FMA (free music archive)
Song: By the Coast by Antony Raijekov (2004)
Source: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Antony_Raijekov/
License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:07

Alright. So the next episode of Puts the Fun in Dysfunctional, we're gonna be talking about generational fat shaming and where it started and where we are today in regards to me and my family. I mean, it's no question that we live in a country that is extremely fat phobic. Ironic given that most Americans are overweight, but whatever. And then, you know, weight overweight, that's a whole other thing we don't need to talk about today. There's health at every size. That being said, back to um, you know, family shit here. I was body shamed pretty early on in my life. I have vivid memories of them already happening when I was nine years old. But it wasn't a new thing to this family. It was not a safe space to be if you had any type of body weight. And the other thing which is just really frustrating around, you know, around, you know, shaming children one shouldn't happen, but both my parents were not small people. Not to say they were huge, but my grandma's sorry, my grandpa was a big guy, tall guy, big frame. Three of five of my uncles were big guys, but my mom couldn't possibly have a similar frame to her father. She had to have the same frame as grandma. Apparently, grandma was too dumb to understand genetics. Weight is just one indicator of health. And I think if people saw it as a symptom versus, you know, just a uh, you know, a major indicator of health, that's you know, bullshit. And I have a prime example of that because grandma was thin, but she had a terrible diet. I mean, a lot of it had to do growing up poor, low income, you know, you're very limited to what you can buy. But she, I mean, it was a very, you know, meat and potatoes diet. She grew up, you know, she was grew up in the depression. So, you know, you ate what you ate. But she had like a sweet tooth and she also loved butter. Like this woman would slather it on her, on a saltine of all things, a saltine. If that isn't like, I don't know, whatever. And you know, she had really high cholesterol and refused to change her habits. And she had heart surgery, and then had an additional two surgeries to put in stents, which I had to look this up because I I knew they had something to do with heart surgery, but basically it is a support placed temporarily inside of a blood vessel to aid or heal to relieve an obstruction. It's probably because grandma's vein, you know, arteries were filled with butter. And I'm pretty sure it was unsalted butter too. Like, could you get any whiter? Anyway, back to grandma's bullshit. So this all started obviously long before I was born. My mom was put on diet pills when she was 10. This was the late 50s. Uh, that was essentially speed. Not essentially, it was speed. It was an amphetamine, putting a 10-year-old on amphetamines because she was quote unquote chubby. I saw pictures of my mom at that age. All kids at one point are gonna chunk out before puberty hits. That's just how things work. And I think if our dumb family members would just learn something, you know, we might get somewhere. But again, if they're dumb, they may not get there. But yeah, so mom was on diet pills, she pretty much dieted her entire life, and you know, that behavior influences children, and so of course, you know, that's it influenced mine and my sister's relationships with our bodies and food. And I started restricting as early as probably 14 or 15. And I remember, you know, my mom had some, she got some herbal supplements, and I was like, I want to try them. And they wired me the fuck out and I stopped taking them, but it didn't stop me from trying anything and everything to restrict. I'm well into my 40s with food, and I I had a really shitty relationship with food for a long time, and I'm still healing. You know, I'm almost 45, and it's not easy and it's ongoing, but I feel like there needs to be shame removed from food and any type of value or moral. There's food is morally neutral. Anyway, this isn't gonna get turning into a thing. I mean, don't we need to go back to grandma? So, yeah, and extreme dieting surgery. That's a whole other episode. I'm sure I could talk for hours about it. So uh back to family shit, you know, I was teased by family members, obviously, because grandma created this environment where it was acceptable, you know, which is really ironic and funny because her, you know, favorite son, Stan, was a bigger guy. And I'm don't recall him ever being shamed for his size. You know, as mentioned in my previous stories, mom was definitely a scapegoat of the family. So by default, her children were also, and I definitely felt it and saw it. So, but overall, you know, it really sucked what grandma did and how she raised two generations of fat phobic assholes. I was a really active child until I was actively bullied by my family for not being thin. I played tennis, I roller skated, I ice skated starting at nine, I swam six months of the year. But because of how I was treated, I lost that joy of being active. Society definitely doesn't help, but it's those around you and their treatment of you that have the largest impact on you. And I'll tell you what, my family was no exception. My sister has stopped that generational cycle with her children. They don't talk about physical appearances in a denigrating way. I'm almost 45 and I still struggle with my relationship with movement and exercise. It's taken some really kind and compassionate people to come into my life and help me find that joy and remove the judgment or have to's. But I'll still go a week without movement. And the thing is now I don't beat myself up for it. We need to be kind to ourselves. Being mean didn't work when other people did it. So why would it work for you? All that is to say, grandma, your bullying didn't work. Me, my mom, my sister are not skinny. And that is no thanks to you. Shaming the women in your life created a lifetime of trauma, and I am glad we are healing from it. There is a reason I call my anxiety grandma now. It's so when I am activated or triggered, I can say out loud, fuck grandma. Anyway, thanks guys. That's this week's short episode. Um, gonna gotta start writing out more. Um, it isn't this week, it's been two weeks. But uh would love your people. If you have some stories, let me know. You know where to find me, I'm gonna go to the video.