Re-romanticise in 2024: A practice to fire a spark back into your relationship

Ready to rediscover the magic that made your relationship sparkle? Our special new year edition of Thrive is your ticket to revitalizing the love and excitement you once felt for each other. Drawing from Harville Hendrix' acclaimed Imago Therapy, we provide an intimate exercise that promises to help you and your partner pinpoint and share the specific actions that used to light up your days together. Whether it was a spontaneous kiss or a shared adventure, revisiting these  gestures can pave the way to a rekindled romance.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello everyone, happy 2024. Welcome to another episode of Thrive, again, your relationship podcast.

Speaker 2: 0:10

Oh, we're in 2024, we're stoked. We are so happy to have you here on another episode, and often with new years, we have these resolutions and we desire change in the relationship, and today we're going to bring you a short, sharp and focused episode. We don't have our fancy microphones with us because we're on the road, aren't we?

Speaker 1: 0:30

Yeah, we've been travelling for the last three and a half weeks and coming to the end of it and it was a bit of a do we do this episode or not, but we thought we'd get this out to you guys so you can start the year off with an intentional focus on something new, something different for your relationship. That we do with every client that we work with, and we thought we'd give you a little bit more value in sharing this with you guys today. So hopefully, yeah, you can take away whatever you want from this.

Speaker 2: 0:59

Yeah, we just decided to run this today mainly because we just worked with a couple who had profound impact from this simple exercise that we're going to share with you at the end of this episode. So I really encourage you to hang around. And the topic it actually stems from Harville Hendricks, who wrote a number of books in the Topics of Love and Connection and especially Amago Therapy, and that's an aspect of relationship work that we infuse into our practice. So this is called re-romanticising, and so when you've been together for a while, sometimes we can drop into complacency, can't we?

Speaker 1: 1:44

Yeah, very, very easily, Especially when it's often the listeners are. Probably most of you can relate Potentially. You've got kids, you've been together for over five, maybe 10 years plus, and romance is something that you're like what? Oh, that's right, we used to be like that, or I can kind of remember how things were back when we first met. So we wanted to bring the focus back to that for you guys this beginning of this year and to intentionally look at re-romanticising. So it's a funny, it's a funny term, but it's kind of bringing that romance back and we've got a couple of really powerful exercises that we can share with you that we maybe encourage you after this episode to if you're not listening it with your partner, maybe to mention it to your partner say, hey, I'd love to do this together. So you will need a pen and a paper and you will need to spend maybe five, 10, maybe 15 minutes on this activity to really get to the bottom of what it is that makes you feel loved and cared about.

Speaker 2: 2:51

Yeah, and when we receive this information even though we've been together for a while as a couple when we receive the even the micro elements of information that you just didn't even know about, for example, I know that there were times when I felt loved and cared about that I just didn't notice that, hey, like Amy doesn't actually do this for me anymore and I'm, by doing this exercise, actually unearthed it. And one example of that is because we're traveling on the road. I just love it, or I used to love it when she used to put her hand just on my knee. When I'm driving every now and then, and for me that's just a little tiny thing that has such a big impact for me, for some reason, right, I'm not even that much of a touchy-feely kind of person, but it's just to know that. I think to me it just communicates that I love that you're maybe driving this, you know this vehicle with this massive caravan on the back and I trust you and I love that you're just sitting next to me.

Speaker 2: 3:53

And that's what that communicates to me, so I feel loved and cared about when you do that.

Speaker 1: 3:58

Yeah, for sure. And I think sometimes, when we have been in relationships for a little while, we forget these little things. They might come so naturally to us at the beginning because we're so focused on each other and the energy between us is amazing, but over time we start to fade. Life gets busy. Kids are, you know, taking our attention, our energy. So sitting down and doing this practice or taking it's not even a practice really taking the time to complete these few questions three questions and then sharing them with your partner, can really bring that back into focus and attention and it's kind of like a bit of a map, a bit of a clue to help you to bring that love and care and affection back into the relationship again.

Speaker 2: 4:51

Yeah, we're going to really challenge you guys here, just to you know. Maybe take a little bit of a leap, but let's get into the exercise, because it's going to be short and sharp, and so the first question is so the first question what we'd like you to do is actually to separate as a couple for a moment and actually jot these down separately separately.

Speaker 2: 5:13

The first question is I used to feel loved and cared about when you feel the gap right. So you just complete that and literally just jot down anything that comes to mind. There might be things that you just remember that he or she used to do for you, or maybe it's the way in which they speak to you, or maybe they used to give you a foot rub, or maybe it was like I don't know, maybe you'd shower together or you love going for a walk together, and you just haven't really seen that recently.

Speaker 1: 5:47

So yeah, so that's a good one to just ponder on and maybe you want to write down a few things. It might be like two or three or four or five little drop points of what you used to do together. That was really important, maybe not so much as an activity, but even like things like make a cup of tea. You used to make a cup of tea for me and bring it into bed and I used to love that. But yeah, those sorts of things, like Michael suggested, are really prominent and really important to focus the attention back on, to help your partner to get those clues again.

Speaker 2: 6:21

All right, now we're moving to the present moment. So the next question is I feel loved and cared about when you so this is more just reinforcing that I love this when you do this, and that's just going to help to kind of go cool, I'm on track, or hey, maybe I had no idea that that was really important to you, but now I do. So this is all feedback, and when we get feedback, we receive information and as human beings, you just want to. You know, I know. For me, I just want you aiming to be happy, and that's what I want. So if you're giving me clues about how to help that process, then I'm all ears.

Speaker 1: 7:00

That's one thing I think we take for granted. Sometimes. We just expect that you should know. You should know what I want, you should know what I'm thinking and feeling, but unfortunately it's just not the case. So it's important to express this and share this together, and that's why we're encouraging it to you at the beginning of the year Get the clues out clear, make it clear, and and men love it. Men love to be told Simply easily. This is what I'd love and this is why, and therefore, it's going to be so much Easier for them to fulfill those needs and those desires. So, take your sake, take some time, ponder on it. What, when do I feel loved and cared about? And and what can I do to make sure that I can share it Simply with my partner?

Speaker 2: 7:49

Yeah, Cool, is there one last one?

Speaker 1: 7:52

Very last one is now. This is a tricky one, because sometimes we actually probably get stuck in the sense of I feel selfish if I'm asking this or oh, they've already got so much going on, why should I ask the for more? But I feel like it's. It's really powerful and really in Fulfilling to actually know your desires and what you want.

Speaker 2: 8:17

So the question is I would like you to yeah, and fill the gaps there, because it's the desires that sometimes we we shut away. You know, sometimes we shut them away or too scared to ask. Actually, sometimes we're embarrassed and it could even be like sexual positions, you know, for example, and, and, and you know like we need to actually express our desires to our partner to have a thriving relationship, because If we're not expressing our desires, then we're not being our authentic self. Therefore, they don't really know you at the depth in which you need to be known in order to feel the expansion and growth and connection with each other.

Speaker 2: 9:05

Hmm, yeah, so it's really, really important to actually take this time now, right now and like just after you listen to this podcast, at some stage when you're together To do this process and also three questions, write them down. So once you've done that and you've individually written these down, what happens is you guys come together and you share them and you might even want to rank them in terms of how important they are for you. So you might want to rank them like I know you could have like an out of 10, so 10 being yeah, this is max. I just love it when you do this for me and and if you can just just rank each one of them and they get even more of an idea about how important this is.

Speaker 1: 9:48

Absolutely so. Just to recap over the three questions so I used to feel loved and cared about when you Dot dot dot. Feeling it in the second question is I feel loved and cared about when you so just reminding them of anything that they're currently doing, that that you'd like more of. And Then the third one is I would like you to. So maybe it's something that they're not currently doing that you would like more of, or you would like to explore, or it could just be something I would like you to sit down with me and have a cup of tea and Put your phone away and be super present and just just listen to me. It could be something as simple as that, or it could be deeper, like Michael said.

Speaker 2: 10:34

Or it could be. It could be more playful and around leisure a lot. I want you to just choose a holiday destination and just take me on it. I don't want to have to think about the process and planning. I just one day, I just want you to just take me, even just for a day, a day trip somewhere and just surprise me.

Speaker 1: 10:51

Hmm. So get get really creative, have a bit of fun and set some time aside to connect and go through this Reremento sink, remote romanticizing exercise, tongue-twister that one and and have some fun with it. Like I really encourage that. This is a great way to start the year off. And you never know, we've had had clients having the most profound conversations that have led from these three questions and it's fun to kind of dive into where this conversation might go. You just never know.

Speaker 2: 11:26

Yeah. So hopefully that gives you guys a good guide to kickstart the year and freshen things up in terms of the Romantic side of your relationship, because we can just be an okay team together and, yeah, you, someone could say that that's you know. People could say that's quite healthy to be a good team, but to add an element of Like that romantic aspect of it again is Absolutely at another level. So let's let's challenge ourselves to get to that point and and to be open to receiving New levels of feedback so that we can become better partners for each other.

Speaker 1: 12:03

Spot on, hundred percent. I love that and don't forget, guys, we do have our relationship reboot, which is starting In another couple of weeks. So, if you're interested, it's just an online, really powerful program to get that relationship back on track. We share some powerful communication visions, looking at our Feminine and masculine energies, and we go. We go pretty deep, but it's going to be a great start for the year if you're looking at starting a new Practice and a new focus for your relationship, so you can take that to the next level.

Speaker 2: 12:40

Awesome, all right, thanks, listeners, and thanks again for being part of our journey and we look forward to catching you on the next episode.

Speaker 1: 12:46

See you later, guys, you.