Unlocking Intimacy and Pleasure - Diving Deep into Sexology with Kimberley Vita-Rose

Have you ever felt disconnected from your own body, especially when it comes to intimacy and pleasure? That's the pivotal question we unpack with Kimberly Vita Rose, a somatic sex educator and sexological bodyworker, who graces us with her profound insights on forging a deeper bodily connection and shedding the layers of sexual shame. Through her diverse expertise in midwifery, naturopathy, and nutritional medicine, Kimberley guides us through the power of somatic practices in enriching relationships and personal empowerment.

Our candid conversation takes a turn into the personal as I open up about the transformative period of leaving a long-term relationship, leading to a voyage of self-discovery and the art of communicating boundaries and desires. We delve into the historical and societal pressures that shape our understanding of women's sexual anatomy and the necessity for precise language in reclaiming our bodies. Kimberley shares the enlightening effect of tantra retreats and somatic practices that have revived not only my sense of self but also the dynamic of her second marriage.

Wrapping up this episode, we touch on practical tools for daily reconnection with our physical selves, from mindful breathing to somatic awareness. Kimberly also introduces us to the wheel of consent and the nuance of embracing vulnerability in our sexual dialogues. For those eager to continue this journey of growth and connection, Kimberley extends an invitation to her upcoming online offerings and shares how listeners can tap into her wealth of wisdom. Join us in this heart-opening discussion that promises to shift the way you think about intimacy, pleasure, and communication.

Here are some key resources from the show:

Book - Esther Perel "Mating in Captivity" https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/27485.Mating_in_Captivity

Facebook - Kimberley Vita Rose

Instagram - Kimberley Vita Rose 

Website - www.kimberleyvitarose.com

Somatic Sex Educators Association of Australasia Website to find a practitioner - Somatic Sex Educators Association of Australasia | SSEAA

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Transcript

Amy Stuth: 0:10

Where Michael and Amy your couples connection coaches. Our mission is to help couples thrive using a conscious and holistic approach. This podcast is for couples and singles who want to unlock their relationship potential and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful soul level. We share insights, client breakthroughs and personal stories to help move your relationship from surviving to thriving.

Michael Stuth: 0:36

We've got a treat for you today, listeners. We have a somatic sex educator, a sexological body worker and a birthkeeper who works with women and couples and holds monthly workshops and women's circles on her property in Armadale, new South Wales. Kimberly Vita Rose has a background in midwifery, natropathy and nutritional medicine, which gives her the skills to work with people in a naturally holistic way Through her own lived experience and bodying, her sexuality and releasing layers of shame. Kimberly delights in offering this space for clients. Kimberly teaches different somatic practices in her sessions to gain a deeper connection to the body, to discover true desires and communicate them with ease. With these fundamentals, her clients find they experience more joy, more pleasure and more power in many facets of their lives, not just in their relationships. This episode is absolutely worth listening right to the end. Enjoy this one, alright. So we have Kimberly on the show.

Michael Stuth: 1:44

And yeah, amy and I met Kim through. We're going on a travels, actually in the caravan, and we just got this message out of the blue from somebody who we saw was a sexologist in Armadale, new South Wales, and she was just curious about what it is we do. Are we local? And from there we ended up just kind of hitting it off and realizing there's a really nice crossover of what we're speaking about and our passions and her passions as well. And it actually happened perfectly at the right time because we really were feeling the need to explore this topic around sex and sexual shame and somatic work and things like that. So it was just absolutely perfect timing. So I want to welcome you onto the podcast. It's episode number 21. So welcome, kim.

Kimberley: 2:37

Thank you, I'm so excited to be here. It was such a synchronicities of seeing you drive by and seeing your logo on the side of your car and I thought, oh, I'm going to reach out and obviously see if you're local, because it's great to network with people that have similar passions. But, yeah, I love where it's brought us today.

Michael Stuth: 2:59

It's beautiful. So, just so the listeners can get a little bit of an idea about what it is that you actually do, can you give us a bit of an insight into your genius and your expertise?

Kimberley: 3:11

Yeah. So I would start by saying, like, I have a background in midwifery, so I've worked with women for a lot of, I guess, my career and through my own personal experiences I think I came to the thread of sexuality and realized that it was such an area of growth for me what I do now. So I'm a certified it's lots of different ways of saying it I'm a certified somatic sex educator. They also call it a sexological body worker or somatic sexologist. So essentially it's about learning about sex and pleasure through the felt sense in the body. I'm, you know, it's a client led modality where trauma informed, where license to do hands on and hands in body work.

Kimberley: 4:09

We kind of I guess there's all the little pieces that we can do in our modality is like touching on consent and boundaries and we also do scar remediation work, which also pairs beautifully with my midwifery. The modality, like the things that I find that we work with people around, like it just opens up so much around, yeah, releasing layers of our shame, opening up communication with others, a lot of its nervous system work as well, like how can we come back into our bodies, release that fight, flight or freeze and start to? You know, if there's numbness, it's awakening the body. And how do we start to connect deeper to ourselves and feel like what is it that I desire? What is it that I'm wanting? What is it that I'm needing? How can I communicate that? How can I speak louder with my yeses, my noes, you know all that sort of thing.

Amy Stuth: 5:08

Amazing. Yeah, thanks, kimberly. I'm curious to know kind of how you went from midwifery into that path, like what was that journey for you about?

Kimberley: 5:16

if that's okay to share, yeah, yeah, I mean, fundamentally it's how I came about. So I left a 10 year relationship in my career of 10 years all at the same time. It was around that 30 year age mark which they say you know, you're sat in return, where you stop and look at your life and think is this the life that I want to be living, is this the person that I am? And when I left that relationship, I vowed to myself to do all of the work to deepen that connection to myself, to love and honour myself, to attract someone into my life that would love and honour me that way as well.

Kimberley: 5:57

And when I came to the edge of sexuality, I realised that that was an area that was a real edge for me and that I had a lot of layers of shame around that as well.

Kimberley: 6:09

I had a lot of numbness in my body as well, and what I've realised is the amount of years that myself and probably many women can relate that we say yes to opening up our body to partners or not partners, when our body is actually screaming no, and the amount of times that we do that, how that can shut off the body from sensation.

Kimberley: 6:33

So journeying through, like I did, a lot of like tantra retreats and workshops and sort of big, like week long events where we would journey into the body and start to awaken those things and express, and so increased sensation, myself getting more confident with my yeses, my noes. What is it I want to feel? And even so and this is why I love talking to you guys as well is because I am in my second marriage and it's what, coming up to five to seven years that we've been together, and and I see as well these little tendrils of like, how can I communicate things better with him? How can I express my desires? How can we come together when we have been together for that amount of time that things start to feel quite comfortable? And so, yeah, I see how I'm kind of using a lot of my modality, even in my own life as well.

Amy Stuth: 7:32

Yeah, amazing yeah.

Michael Stuth: 7:35

It is amazing that you can and we, you know, mirror a similar thing in that the work that we're doing with couples we obviously mirror back to ourselves. And so the journey of growth, you know, is with us, just as it is with our clients. It's just that some of us are at different stages, you know, at different levels, and none of us are ever going to be at the same point, at the same level. But for what you were saying like releasing shame and you've been on this process of releasing shame why is like, how does someone actually identify and even start with knowing if they've, you know, if they're under a cloud of some sort of shame? Because I think, like a lot of us don't really know. We just exist, you know, we just think that this is normal.

Kimberley: 8:26

So I would say, how comfortable are you sitting there and saying Seth, how comfortable are you saying the word pleasure? I noticed even my discomfort even saying the word pleasure, and it's like it doesn't even have to be sexual pleasure. But how much shame do you feel around feeling pleasure in your body? Can we name our genitals? Can we sit there and say vulva, vagina, pussy, any of that without like? I even feel, even still like I can feel that air is raising on my skin and I can feel goosebumps, and I know that there's still layers there of speaking these things. And yeah, so I would say, like, how comfortable are you even just speaking the words and notice the sensations in the body when you do?

Michael Stuth: 9:13

Yeah, isn't that such a simple way to identify it so powerful to.

Michael Stuth: 9:17

Both of us felt that there and even though, like, we've been on a journey of really like you know, I guess, really diving into our own pleasure in that that space, so much more than we ever have. We've been together for 20 years and things are really, really good now with us sexually, but big, but we are, we are. We still have layers of shame to clear out too, and we've, we've. I think society plays a big part in this, doesn't it, you know? And then previous generations and what they, what they shamed and what was to do.

Kimberley: 9:50

Yeah, yeah, so a lot of it. I mean we can't blame religion for everything, but I guess a lot of people brought up in religious households there are that teaching that you know sex is for procreation and other than that, like you're dirty naughty, you know that's where a lot of the conditioning can come from. But I was sitting with when we were talking about what we would discuss and the whole society and shame. I've got a book I'm reading at the moment and it was only 100 years ago that we didn't even know about women's anatomy. We. The vagina and I believe it's the word vagina is has the meaning she so essentially like it. It's there just for a penis to enter and that's it. And that they didn't even have an understanding that women could experience pleasure. And I've actually sat here like I've got my little model of a little bit of vulva, and so the outside external genitalia is called vulva.

Kimberley: 10:49

But the clitoris, which is the little golden yellow bit we see here, that we thought was only this little knob, is actually like this big.

Amy Stuth: 10:58

Wow, it has inches long.

Kimberley: 11:01

It has bulbs. Women actually have network of erectile tissue. We can be engorged and aroused also. We have this knowledge, like it just changes how we relate so much. So, yeah, that was only 100 years ago that we didn't even know that, and I think in the book it was, one of the doctors would prescribe us some kind of acid to place on the woman so that she wouldn't self pleasure anymore. Like there's a whole barbara of things that have happened and so that leaves within us that lives through the generations.

Amy Stuth: 11:40

Yeah, yeah, I didn't realize. That's just blown me away as well, you know. And then I find that so fascinating. As a woman, not knowing much at all about my own body, you know, and I'm sure most women can relate we're just so disconnected from, from even like even with our clients we share a little bit more about the cycle and you know how you're feeling with your hormones and stuff like that. Even that alone is so like not spoken about, you know, in relationships, let alone the sex part. So it's kind of like gosh, we've got, we've got so much to kind of uncover and pull back, and which is exciting in a way. But it's also so interesting how much of that has been shut down and hidden or, like you said, you know, not even spoken about. So yeah, it's exciting for me because I'm like, what else do I need to learn? And you know I get excited.

Michael Stuth: 12:32

But yeah, and Kim Kim I'm curious about you were saying vital flight and how we're in that kind of I guess that you know that protective state and how that actually shuts down our body over a period of time or our feeling. What do you say? Feeling senses or that sensation that we might experience? I totally think that is such a powerful thing to communicate, because so many of us of us are under a cloud of stress and we've been like that, we've normalized that experience and I think I know from our experience that it's only when Amy is able to drop into her feminine flow, which is more of a relaxed, open state where she's receiving. That can only really happen when she is relaxed and in a safe environment, right, so so for someone who often experiences high levels of stress, how does this journey sort of begin? You know what's, what's some ways that we can kind of begin to open up to this, this whole realm? Obviously you went to, you know week-long Tantra retreats, but you know, for the average person, like, how do we just start this process?

Kimberley: 13:48

Yeah, I mean it can be minutes a day and I guess if the person is identifying that they've got a high stress lifestyle, it's also choosing what. What of this are they willing to?

Kimberley: 13:58

let go and what do they want to keep. You know, there's so much of our lifestyle that would benefit from just slowing down and just reframing and changing things the way we do. But it could just be a five to 10 minute practice each day of just stopping and breathing and noticing in the body, so, somatically, what connects us to the body is using our breath.

Michael Stuth: 14:24

Yeah.

Kimberley: 14:24

Being noise, so Sighing on the exhale movement, you know the gentle movements of the body and placement of awareness. So that can be like. If I quieten down right now, what sensations do I notice in my body and someone might name oh, I've got pain in the back or there's sadness in my chest. But can we actually find it down and tune into? Oh, that feels heavy, there's a tingling there, like can we really find the descriptive words to really come into it more and find that body and describe it with those words, because that has us tuning more into it. There would even be even in your day-to-day life. If you're out doing chores and you've just hopped in the car and putting the seatbelt on, just take a breath.

Kimberley: 15:19

You know, just taking a breath, what do I notice in my body? And just inviting that more into day-to-day.

Amy Stuth: 15:26

Yeah, that's so simple, yet so powerful because we don't do it. You know, always in our heads, right, we're busy, busy in our heads up here, living like 90% of the time up here we're like, oh yes, right, we've got this body as well, like, how do we integrate and find connection again to this body that we've disconnected from ultimately? So that's beautiful, simple practice of taking a breath, tuning in and checking in. Yeah, like that, yeah.

Michael Stuth: 15:51

Right. So both are a little bit about safety. Before and you know you were saying that sometimes women say yes when their body is kind of saying no and that, repeated over time, it can be kind of damaging. I guess it's related also that men they're in their head a lot, you know, but then when they see their partner, maybe in the kitchen, and they get this instant arousal sort of thing, it's the one thing that drops into their body, but it's probably not their whole body, it's just in their genitalia. I know for me like I can just drop into some sort of like sexual desire within about 30 seconds and then that might in the past have led to some form of impulsiveness or neediness in order to get the outcome and you know, like that dynamic in a relationship. I wonder if we could just pull that apart a little bit because I think that that that's really important, in that sometimes she feels like she needs to fulfill his desire, but she may not be receiving what she needs in order to give that, if that makes sense.

Kimberley: 16:58

Yeah, yeah, I love that. The biggest step there is, like taking responsibility for your own pleasure and arousal. Just because you're feeling arousal in your body, witnessing your partner, doesn't mean that it has to be put on to her. I think stopping you from walking away and actually doing some beautiful self-pleasure ritual yourself and doing what you want to do with that arousal, but putting it on her when she's not open and ready to receive. So I'd say, taking responsibility, spending your own self-pleasure practice and even for the woman, starting into your own body and start you know even that a 10 or 15 minute practice each day of connecting to your body, down regulating, if you know that you want to connect with your partner that night, starting to take the steps during the day of, like, how do I come into my body, how do I slow down and come into my flow? And it's communicating as well. Like if he comes to her and says, like I'm feeling this arousal, this is what I'm wanting, like there's a communication piece around that. Like I find, even with my partner, I will say, okay, let me know what is this providing for you? Like, are you wanting release? Are you wanting to feel orgasmic energy? Are you wanting to connect and just touch my body or have me touch yours, is it you just want to stay close and talk, like, what does this look like? And when I have that framework broken down, I can like say to him okay, if it's providing this for you, then I'm willing to do this and this, but I don't want you to penetrate me. And I'm going to segue to that because we have this whole.

Kimberley: 18:39

We all believe that sex is this penis in vagina sets. We need to throw that away, break it apart and say that, all right, sex is us making out on the couch. Sex is us touching each other and fondling. Sex is us doing all these other stuff. Like, can we just call it intimacy sex? Throw it all in that container. So then there's not this huge focus on just penetration and also taking away the foreplay. Like, can this all just be an active connection with one another? Right?

Kimberley: 19:12

So for a woman to feel safe to open her body, she needs her heart to be opened first If the man is wanting to connect with her.

Kimberley: 19:22

It's like, how many times can you penetrate her heart in a day before wanting to penetrate her body?

Kimberley: 19:28

And also, don't, don't just work on penetrating her heart so you can penetrate the body because she will know that. Yes, but yeah, but like it's really breaking it apart and having this open communication and okay, well, I can agree to that. I know that my body's willing to do this and this and I want to connect to you and love you and you know. But this is a no and sometimes, like you spoke to the fight and flight and women feeling that freeze, sometimes there might be a period of time where she just has to say her no, she just has to practice her no for months and can a man hold her in that space to just find that until she repairs that fracture in her body to be able to know, okay, this is a true yes and yes, I want to connect. Sometimes it's like it's repairing that relationship with your own body when you've overridden them, and gaining that trust back in your own body first, yeah, yeah, for sure, and I feel like that's such an issue with a lot of our clients that we work with.

Amy Stuth: 20:35

is that real difference between you know intimacy and sex?

Amy Stuth: 20:40

you know, and they just like it's like penetration, you know, because they just think it's all the same thing, like, oh well, that just leads to the penetration. But I think that's what we're trying to teach them more of finding that safety within each other, of it's okay just to cuddle on, kiss on the couch and that could be all. That is and and, and being able to say no, because I think that's where, like you said, the woman feels like it's like a duty or an active service that they have to. Just, I've got to just do this. So we try and share a lot of that as well with our clients too. But I'm it's nice that you brought that up where we can just throw that out the window for now and just just focus on on connecting in a, you know, in a physical way, but doesn't have to lead to intercourse.

Kimberley: 21:23

Yeah, and I would also say like taking the goal of orgasm, because when you can take that goal away and actually just be there in the sensation and the pleasure and moment which may lead to an authentic orgasm. But when you're chasing it, yeah, it changes things and with yourself, like when you're self pleasure and yourself. If you're just doing it to chase that and go, you miss out on so much in between, of course.

Michael Stuth: 21:53

So true. It's so true and that has changed our dynamic, like sexually between the two of us, is that it's more the presence in the now and the slowing down and the breeding and and really just being in that moment.

Amy Stuth: 22:06

With our body. I think that body, yeah, exactly.

Michael Stuth: 22:09

Yeah, yeah and and it's just, it's like a parallel in life, I think as well, you know, we become so outcome focused, we become so focused on the future and what, how the future is going to bring me happiness, and we just missing all these golden opportunities to sink in the present.

Kimberley: 22:29

And it's short term gratification. It's like I want this and I want to feel this right now. Like they also say like it's like junk food diet, like if you just going for the orgasm all the time, rather than what is nourishing, what is nourishing to the body and connective and really nurturing, like the body and the nervous system.

Michael Stuth: 22:46

So I gotta say it's really, it's quite a big shift, like for women, but I guess, from my point of view, just representing the men, really really difficult for guys to break the cycle that they've been in ever since they got given this amazing tool that they can just use whenever they want and and I mean that like just even in masturbation, you know, and as a teenager, and it is it's, it's shameful, it's, it's to be hidden, it's so. Therefore, I need to get to this point of ejaculation as fast as I can and yeah, yeah, before mom, and be quiet and be tense and be rigid.

Michael Stuth: 23:31

Yeah and all of that stuff too. So that experience repeated over and over again.

Kimberley: 23:37

And I hear you speak into the male version, but I think a lot of women out there can relate to.

Amy Stuth: 23:41

Yes, yeah.

Kimberley: 23:44

And that track of like fast friction and the tensing and the holding, like we I think many of us have that pattern. Shame in that when you go and turn to that and you know, enjoy it, celebrate it. But there is this other way and the more you start exploring these other parts of your body and the slowing down, the more you'll increase your capacity to feel pleasure as well.

Michael Stuth: 24:08

So, yeah, yeah, yeah so hopefully out.

Amy Stuth: 24:11

The listeners out there are kind of just you know, I think sometimes it's a big concept for a lot of people because it is quite like we've been on this journey for a little while ourselves. So it is quite a big step. But I feel like there's this little pieces of gold that we can just kind of take from there and, whether or not you act on them right now, I just feel like the listeners can really just sit with this for a little while to process what we're saying, because I think it makes such a massive difference in your own body and your own self and knowing what is good and what's not good, and what you enjoy, what you don't, but then also obviously in a relationship and that connection it brings. So, yeah, it's so important, yeah.

Michael Stuth: 24:46

So a lot of couples that we work with, they're sitting in this space of comfort and I would say staleness, you know, comes to mind. It's almost like you got this stalemate energy between you. You kind of like probably more buddies, you know, but you still love each other and I would say that a lot of them are calling out for spontaneity, for adventure, for pleasure again, and actually I would say that some are using exits like pornography and others, you know, stimulus to get that outcome, that feeling right, to sort of fulfill that void. But what would, I guess, from your perspective, what would be the first step in bringing more sexual connectedness together and actually kind of approaching this topic for someone who's been together for a long time?

Kimberley: 25:36

Yeah, it's a really tricky one, and there's a beautiful book written by Esther Perel, the mating in captivity, because she talks about in relationship we look for comfort and we want connection and you want the security. And once you've got that, the you know the sexual aliveness starts to fade. So how do we bring that into relationship? And it would be things like still have your own hobbies and spending a bit of time apart. And if you are planning a date night, like gets ready and separate houses or rooms or whatever you want to bring, bring this pulling apart a little bit more. So there is that pulling back together and I'm not sure how that flows through your work as well, because with a partner, I mean you want to create safety and you want to create this really loving container and be coming together and create a little bit of this sexual friction between us as well. And whether it's like we're not allowed to touch each other for a week, I'm not sure if that does bring that pulling back together or maybe we can't touch ourselves for a week and that creates that sexual attachment and friction back in. Like I know we talked about, how do we, how do we communicate needs and desires to someone.

Kimberley: 26:52

There's a beautiful little game that was created by Betty Dobson and it's called the three minute game. You can look it up online. There's a YouTube clip there for it as well and it talks about the wheel of consent and how for someone to receive that there has to be a giver, and we get really clear on who's the pleasure for. And by playing that game you can set a timer, you can practice asking I would like you to do this. The person can say no, they can be negotiated, and it gives this framework in this really, I guess, comfortable setting to start playing around with like a little bit of excitement and a little bit of oh, I'm going to ask for something maybe a little bit edgy that I wouldn't normally ask for, and it has the framework of the three minutes and practicing that that might bring in a little bit of that sounds so good in terms of just giving permission for both partners to just kind of open up about this.

Kimberley: 27:57

And this is, for me, like it's so clear about when we're relating sexually. We don't, sometimes we don't stop and go. Well, actually, who is this for? Because if this is for me, I'm going to tell you how I would like you to do that to me, and but if it's for you, then I will allow you to. You know, explore my body how you would like and knowing that I would speak up if you reach an edge. That's like that's hurting, or stop there, please. Like at this permission piece in knowing that, yes, take pleasure from my body or no, that's a no there. It just gives this little playful like lightness to start practicing that.

Amy Stuth: 28:38

Yeah, I love that. You know, like I mean it seems silly but my analogy, but you know, like we know what we like to eat, right, like I know that you don't like your eggs that way and I like my eggs this way and I would never give you your eggs that way, but you know what I mean. Like we know that obviously it's different with our bodies and our sex, but we don't know what we like in our body. You know, like I don't like you touching there. I do like you. I think we need to learn that again. You know a little bit more so we're able to express that and speak that, because I think there is also a block with not even knowing that. You know. But I feel like that would be such a nice little way what you just shared, that three minute game of actually exploring that. Like that's why can't we try this and see if that does feel good, if it doesn't?

Kimberley: 29:17

And yeah, I love that you would also say too, though, like when she tells you all the things she likes, don't just get a notepad out and write it all down. Because it depends how she's feeling, it depends on how you play and what the cycle she's in, and you know it can change. It can change, yes, yes.

Amy Stuth: 29:35

And that's so true, because what, yeah, what we like some days, we might not like another, and that's totally okay. And I think that sometimes we get stuck in like, well, I can't change my mind now, you know. But I give permission to women and to men to change minds. It's okay, what you liked yesterday you might not like today, so that's okay.

Michael Stuth: 29:52

That's like the biggest challenge for men is to drop into that understanding that change is such a constant with women, and I think that's why it becomes so difficult for us to read these things because it's so logical. So, like you know, you gave me the map last week, remember, and now you're changing all the rules and, yeah, it can be really tricky for men, but I need to speak up.

Kimberley: 30:21

Yeah, I'm like that's where communication's vital, because it's like just saying to her what do you need? And do you need a moment to even find out, because sometimes Interesting.

Amy Stuth: 30:31

Yeah, yeah, it's okay, you know, and that's you know. Obviously, we speak to you about communication on a very broad sense, but communication in this space is such a whole different type of communication, I feel, because you need so much trust and understanding and safety in the relationship to be able to communicate in this way. So that's what we aimed to help our couples with, but it's big, it's not little stuff.

Kimberley: 30:54

So, yeah, and I know we spoke about. You know that comfortable stay-on-ness and how people might, you know, step into the connection again and you know, nothing drops you into your body more than connecting sexually or intimately with someone, and sometimes it is avoided because it's such an area of discomfort, like I know, as an embodiment practice. If I go and sit with my partner and I'm breathing into my body, it's such a space of like, all right, I'm feeling the sadness coming up now and I'm feeling the this and the that and sometimes it's just holding that container and holding that presence for you know the feminine to unravel and be seen and express everything before you then can go into connection, or so there can be this pulling back of like, oh, but I don't want to be seen and oh, it's feeling so uncomfortable.

Kimberley: 31:49

But it's also this commitment of like am I committed to connecting to myself and am I committed to connecting to my partner?

Amy Stuth: 31:57

Mm so beautiful.

Michael Stuth: 31:59

I think it just gets to this tipping point where it's like I can either dwell in this stay-on-ness or that comfortable nature of what that is, that bubble-wrapped, you know, scenario. It does it get to that point where I just I can't tolerate this anymore, which then ignites courage. You know, it ignites that courageous sort of speaking up about hey, let's just, you know, open up this conversation about what you like, like, what do you like? Because we're just assuming half the time that, oh, I think you like this because we've been doing this for 10 years, mm-hmm, yeah, and I think that that would be really beneficial for couples as well to open up into that. You know, just a simple, you know, start with some questions and just, yeah, tune into that. You know what he or she is actually saying, and if that's reciprocated, and most of the time I would say, if you have the courage, normally the other person's probably thinking the same thing.

Amy Stuth: 32:59

Mm, yeah, absolutely yeah. It's an interesting dynamic and one I feel like, like you said, how long can you continue on that stay-on-ness for, like, when is when do you get to the point where, like, actually there's so much more, you know, beautiful experiences and connection that comes from having that openness and that understanding of each other's desires and pleasure needs. So, yeah, I encourage couples if you're listening, like yeah, don't be brave ask them, take that next step, because it is so rich and juicy and valuable and pleasurable and all the good stuff when you're with your couple, when they're with their partner, in that space, it's beautiful yeah.

Michael Stuth: 33:39

Yeah, amazing. So what are some of the real the best parts about, I guess, your job and how you facilitate? What are some of the favorite, your favorite things that you see emerge from your work?

Kimberley: 33:54

Because I have worked mostly with women.

Kimberley: 33:57

I've worked with a handful of couples just recently, which is exciting, but I would say the amount of women that say to me in a session doing body work is that it just feels so safe, like I've never had a space like this hell, to just feel so safe and that is really hard opening.

Kimberley: 34:19

That always feels like such a gift to be holding that space. Seeing the differences in women's bodies and the beauty in that diversity is amazing. And the other thing that comes to mind is working with a couple the other day when the man was sharing that an experience which he was saying was like it wasn't a highlight of the week, it was one of the really challenging things. And when he shared it, like the partner and I just looked at each other and we're like, oh my gosh, that's so beautiful, like it was such a vulnerable piece that he was sharing. That's like that's what the women want. They want to see this vulnerability in men, and so I think it's just seeing vulnerability and, gosh, it's almost like when you see someone be vulnerable, you're looking right into their soul.

Michael Stuth: 35:14

And it's so beautiful. You know it's so interesting. You said that and thank you for sharing because I think for Amy and I I know we mirror the same thing In the work that we do is that it's when that vulnerability opens up. It's sort of like this uncracking of oh I see you and you see me now, you know, in this moment, and all of the stuff, the resentment, all of the issues that have built up and been kind of like a tumor between them for years, just disintegrates and melts away.

Michael Stuth: 35:45

And the tricky part, I guess the challenge, is that you know, for women and for men especially, like it's to be vulnerable. We see that as kind of like surrendering or being weak. And you know, when you're in a partnership with somebody, that perceived strength of invulnerability is is kind of taught at a young age. You know from our normally for men, from our dads and from society as well. So to be vulnerable is so damn important in unlocking that new depth of connection for couples, for in our work, and I can see that it's mirrored exactly in in a just in a different way, just just more, you know, in a sexual way or in a physical way as well.

Kimberley: 36:29

Yeah, I always tell women our vulnerability is our strength. It's where our power lies.

Amy Stuth: 36:36

Yeah, we need to change that story. Hey, that, that's so important. Yeah, yeah.

Michael Stuth: 36:40

Yeah, for ourselves.

Amy Stuth: 36:41

It's been amazing. Shall we wrap that up. Yeah, yeah, it's been a really nice talk.

Michael Stuth: 36:46

And I think for me I'm. I guess we live so far away from each other, but I would just be in a heartbeat booking in, you know, for us to kind of dive deeper into some of the stuff that we would like to dive into, to maybe unfurl some of that, the layers back again even more, and and just for the listeners who are interested in maybe following you or connecting with you, what's the best way that they can do that?

Kimberley: 37:11

Yeah, so I have a website that's been put together as we speak and it's I mean I imagine you'll attach it to show notes. Yeah, wwwkimbaleevitarosecom. I'm also on Instagram and Facebook under the same name. Yeah, and I mean I offer online sessions as well, so it is an option to do like telehealth conferencing type work, but also that, like there is an association of somatic body workers, and maybe we can attach the website to the show notes as well, because you can look up for practitioners in your area also.

Michael Stuth: 37:53

Yeah, well, most definitely doing that. So, yeah, thank you once again. I'm sure the listeners got a heap out of that and and we'll look forward to maybe at some stage doing another podcast, but this has been wonderful so thank you so much for your time.

Amy Stuth: 38:08

Thank you, it's a pleasure.

Kimberley: 38:10

I'm so happy to be here and connect and share some of the wisdom. Thank you.

Michael Stuth: 38:15

Thank you.