Have you ever faced a moment so dark it seemed impossible to find the light? Andrea Gullick, a beacon of resilience and wisdom, joins us to recount her own journey through such depths. She bravely opens up about battling mental illness and coping with devastating personal losses, all while maintaining the conviction that happiness is a personal responsibility. Andrea's stories are laced with empathy and humor, offering powerful insights into how we can cultivate transformation within our lives and relationships. Her message is clear: happiness is a choice we're all capable of making, regardless of our circumstances.
When life throws its worst at us, who do we become? This episode delves into the raw and often painful process of redefining oneself after loss. Andrea generously shares her experience of navigating the turbulent waters of grief following the loss of her husband. Her poignant narrative sheds light on the importance of maintaining individuality within a partnership and the daunting yet empowering task of building a new identity from the ashes of the past. Andrea's honesty and vulnerability provide a roadmap for anyone embarking on the tumultuous journey of self-discovery after their world has been turned upside down.
Finally, we peel back the layers of our unconscious beliefs to reveal how they shape our experiences and relationships. Andrea guides us through the labyrinth of our internal narratives, questioning the stories we've told ourselves about love, worthiness, and success. With her, we confront the self-imposed limitations holding us back and embrace the uncertainties of life's journey. Her wisdom is a gift to us all, reminding us that the power to heal, to grow, and to forge ahead in the creation of the love and life we desire, resides within each of us. Join us for an episode that will not only move you but might just alter the course of your life.
Thankyou for listening, if you liked it, please remember to subscribe.
Join our Private "Thriving relationships - Deepening connection to self and others" community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1107209283451758/
Website: https://michaelandamy.com.au/
Join our free 7 day relationship challenge: https://michaelandamy.com.au/free-relationship-challenge
If you would like to book in a private discovery call with us, here is the link: https://michaelandamy.com.au/call
Have you ever faced a moment so dark it seemed impossible to find the light? Andrea Gullick, a beacon of resilience and wisdom, joins us to recount her own journey through such depths. She bravely opens up about battling mental illness and coping with devastating personal losses, all while maintaining the conviction that happiness is a personal responsibility. Andrea's stories are laced with empathy and humor, offering powerful insights into how we can cultivate transformation within our lives and relationships. Her message is clear: happiness is a choice we're all capable of making, regardless of our circumstances.
When life throws its worst at us, who do we become? This episode delves into the raw and often painful process of redefining oneself after loss. Andrea generously shares her experience of navigating the turbulent waters of grief following the loss of her husband. Her poignant narrative sheds light on the importance of maintaining individuality within a partnership and the daunting yet empowering task of building a new identity from the ashes of the past. Andrea's honesty and vulnerability provide a roadmap for anyone embarking on the tumultuous journey of self-discovery after their world has been turned upside down.
Finally, we peel back the layers of our unconscious beliefs to reveal how they shape our experiences and relationships. Andrea guides us through the labyrinth of our internal narratives, questioning the stories we've told ourselves about love, worthiness, and success. With her, we confront the self-imposed limitations holding us back and embrace the uncertainties of life's journey. Her wisdom is a gift to us all, reminding us that the power to heal, to grow, and to forge ahead in the creation of the love and life we desire, resides within each of us. Join us for an episode that will not only move you but might just alter the course of your life.
Thankyou for listening, if you liked it, please remember to subscribe.
Join our Private "Thriving relationships - Deepening connection to self and others" community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1107209283451758/
Website: https://michaelandamy.com.au/
Join our free 7 day relationship challenge: https://michaelandamy.com.au/free-relationship-challenge
If you would like to book in a private discovery call with us, here is the link: https://michaelandamy.com.au/call
This episode. We are blessed to have Andrea Gullick, an international speaker and mentor who has overcome multiple traumas throughout her life and shares openly her greatest life lessons from these experiences, harnessing her inner strength to work through mental illness not once, but twice. Andrea shares the power of using our innate wisdom to guide us to our greatest potential, both individually and collectively. With her own brand of straight talking, empathy and humour, and her authentic, relatable approach to storytelling, andrea is a beacon of light for those motivated to make positive changes in their life and relationships. You're going to enjoy this one, folks. There's some absolute nuggets of wisdom in here, and her message is happiness is your responsibility. Enjoy.
Speaker 2:We're Michael and Amy, your couples connection coaches. Our mission is to help couples thrive using a conscious and holistic approach. This podcast is for couples and singles who want to unlock their relationship potential and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful soul level. We share insights, client breakthroughs and personal stories to help move your relationship from surviving to thriving.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the show, andrea Gullick. It's so nice to have you here and we're really looking forward to this podcast. How are you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm fabulous, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I definitely have loved having little moments of time to chat and get to know the two of you, so it's so lovely to be here and on your podcast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you so much for your time, and I know you're a busy woman, so I appreciate you being here as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Wonderful, and I know that you have a podcast as well and we'll we'll share that with the audience at the end, so make sure you hang around for that. But, andrea, I just want to. Really, I think I wanted to start with saying that the message that you have for the world, what I noticed when I when we first met you, is that it comes from a special place, and when I say that, I mean there's something like a fire or a flame or something that's underneath this message that you have. That drew us to you and I wonder if you could share a little bit about what that fire or that flame is for our listeners. That's interesting.
Speaker 3:Two things came to me when you said that, and the first thing is my story, which I'll share in a little minute, in regards to to love and relationships and my experience with that. But I think the other thing that I've really been able to step into and recognize I work with human design and gene keys and I don't work with it, but I certainly have explored that for myself and share what I know, and my purpose here in gene keys is all about listening and taking in people's stories and and really being able to hear what's not actually said.
Speaker 3:But then my pearl, which is kind of what I'm here to do like overall when everything comes together, is called the medicine woman, and so I've really established that within my DNA I have the ability to be able to articulate and to share what I know, to be able to articulate and share in a way and to be able to hear things that people are saying that they don't recognize and share it in a way that really creates resonance for people.
Speaker 3:So it's I feel like it's to do with just the gifts that I was born with in regards to how I articulate, but on a on a, on a general life level, I guess it really is my experience around. I was really drawn to your podcast and the fact that you are here to really help support people with relationships, because I'm also a coach slash mentor, and while people might come to me about their career or people might come to me about being a bit despondent with life or different things, if their relationship changes, if they end up in a relationship, if their marriage improves, that to me is the ultimate like well, that's brilliant, because I just I love to love and I love to see people in loving experiences. So the flame is is really about just how much, how wonderful I think it is to safely be able to love somebody else, and that safety is created and curated from a sense of being able to fall in love with who we are from a very grounded place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and and thank you for sharing that, because that's going to be a big topic of our conversation today Is loving who, who you are, you know, and how important that is so that we can then love others in a healthier way, right? And?
Speaker 1:and I and I really just wanted to ask a little bit about your story so that we can get some context and some background about how this flame was ignited. Can you share with us a little bit about your background and how you've come to maybe move into the space that you're in now?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I guess we all grow up with some dream or goal or ambition of our life. I guess some people might want to travel the world. Other people want to become a surgeon or a doctor or a hairdresser. I did become a hairdresser, but for me, for the most part of my life, ever since I can remember, I was a little girl that just wanted to get married and have children like that was fundamentally, and I wanted it to be a farmer. It just seemed like such a glorious life of freedom and stuff like that, and I was really lucky enough to.
Speaker 3:At the age of 21, I I met my first husband and he was a farmer and all of these I was manifesting. Before I even knew what manifesting was like. I can't believe. I was just like putting it out there so much, you know, shoving pillows up my top when I was eight to see what I would look like when I was pregnant and like I was gone all out. I couldn't wait, and so I yeah, I actually created that. I really did. And so at 21, we, we got together and by the time I was 23,. At the end of being 23, we got married and fell pregnant straight away and everything, like everything that I imagined it would be came together, and pretty effortlessly really, Until our first baby was born, and so he was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at two days old, which is a.
Speaker 3:He had a malignant tumor in his abdomen that we didn't know about, and so that took us on a bit of a journey in regards to chemotherapy and surgery and pretty stressful and overwhelming time as new parents.
Speaker 3:But my husband was a salt of the earth. We just have to get this done. You can't worry about what you can't change, and he was really truly amazing in showing me how to deal with stress and overwhelm and a crisis really, and so I'm so thankful that that I found him because of how steady he kept things throughout that time, and we were really really fortunate to be able to bring our baby home eventually one kidney down, but otherwise relatively healthy, happy and thriving after that, and so we just got on with that, because that's what you do. You can't really sit there and wallow in self pity, because that just ruins the rest of your future. So we had another baby in the beginning of 2006, a little boy, and you know life was just hectic two and a half year old, six newborn baby. And in September of 2006, two days after our first son turned three and when our baby was eight months, my husband was tragically killed in a car accident.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:So everything that had come together to create this perfect fairy tale. Within three years I was. I was exposed to the fact that nothing external to us is ever permanent or ever guaranteed, and it really was obviously quite a significant life lesson in you know just how just the shit show that can be created sometimes that you just not prepared for. So I love hard and so I lose hard. It was. It was horrendous to actually have to, you know, face this life without without him. He was my rock, he was the guy that I lent into, and so that I guess that's the background in regards to, yeah, how, how fairy tales can be become fractured fairy tales, I guess yeah.
Speaker 1:I want to ask there, andrea, and thank you for sharing that I want to ask about that time specifically, when you're probably in a phase of shock. You know when that, when that happened, what was that like for you, considering this whole fairy tale which you thought everything was just unfolding perfectly and everything has just been pulled out from underneath you? I mean, I know it's hard to kind of describe what that's like now for you, but what was it like then for you, considering you had basically all your apples in that car?
Speaker 3:Very good analogy of having all the apples in one cart, because obviously I'm like 17 and a half years down the track, so I've had a lot of time to be able to look back and reflect and really begin to understand my whole life journey, even leading into the relationship with my husband. So that was probably one of the hardest things. Obviously, losing him was exceptionally hard and traumatic in the grief and the emotions. But recognising how little I knew about who I was and that my surety, or my sureness within myself, came from the fact that he was by my side, that I didn't have to worry about what other people thought of me, because I only worried about what he thought of me. I didn't have to worry about how we raised our children or the decisions we made, as long as I was rock sure with that.
Speaker 3:He was cool, and so I outsourced my power through loving him. Who I was was determined by the fact that this man had chosen me and that I was worthy of his love. So when he was gone, the stark reality of not knowing who I was, not knowing if I was worthy of love, feeling powerless because I had never really infused my own sense of power in who I am and then being responsible for two little boys, and the outcome of how I managed to get them through life with never knowing their dad. It was overwhelming I can't think of the word that I want to use but the pressure I put on myself because I'd never really established my own identity. I was only okay because I was his wife.
Speaker 2:It's so common, I think. But we do that. I was reflecting over it even one time that with you and I, when we're going through this journey of self growth and personal development. Someone said you've got to be okay imagining that you're just you. You have to learn to be okay without Michael. I was like you can't continue on relying on him stuff. Imagine it's just you. I was like I can't even imagine that. How do I even comprehend that? Because, again, similar to you, I feel like we've been together for so long that I don't know life without him.
Speaker 2:I think what I was trying to share there is that it is something that is probably important to reflect on some partners and how reliant and how connected and who are you without your partner? Who is the truth behind this partnership or relationship? I think that's a really good message. You experienced firsthand on a really tough, challenging way. But to learn that and to realize that and to go actually I'm okay, I can be okay because you don't have a choice right. But to reflect on that when we're in relationship is probably a healthy thing to actually look at.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think for me personally because I did a lot of avoiding my trauma.
Speaker 3:So I went to university, I renovated a house, I started a relationship because I was so not okay with me and being on my own.
Speaker 3:So I have to be honest in regards to when people say you need to know who you are and without a partner, I totally do agree with that, but I do think that we can come to that even within a relationship. I personally can't sit here and say that I did the all this self-discovery and landed in my skin and my soul and was this yes, I know exactly who I am and went out and attracted my second husband because I'm happily married for a second time. That didn't happen. I was broken, disheveled, still didn't know that I was trying to stave off this unworthiness by falling in love again and stuff like that, until I was within a relationship and I had the safety to unpack myself. And so I do believe that we have opportunities within a safe relationship to unpack and reconnect and really meet ourselves for the first time. We don't necessarily have to go off into the into the nethernethers and the hinterland and separate ourselves from society.
Speaker 3:To be able to do that. I just I don't agree with that personally for myself and I'd be a hypocrite if I said that's what you've got to do, because that's not what I did but the willingness to actually be able to sit and ask the question of why, why do I want to be in a relationship, why do I want to be married? Why do I want love? Because if I were to ask that, in reflection of looking back over my past, why I wanted it was to prove that I was worthy An unconscious thing and but 110% my relationship was based on, because it made me worthy. It proves that I was lovable.
Speaker 3:And there was a point in between my husband passing away and me meeting my second husband that there was another experience in there that really hit rock bottom for me in regards to not feeling worthy. And there was this moment in time where now I know, based on my journey of self exploration and looking at consciousness and soul and things like that, but it really was my highest self speaking to me and when I was curled up in the fetal position of feeling like life could get no worse and no more broken and I could be no more love unlovable. I heard your happiness is your responsibility, and it was a really defining moment for me in being able to. It's almost like I watched my life play out backwards where I was like, oh wow, I was going to be happy when I met someone. I was going to be happy when I had kids. I was going to be happy when I had this, and so it was always.
Speaker 3:My happiness was always going to be dependent on the external outcome that that was created in. If it didn't get created, or it was created and then lost or something happened, then my happiness went with it. And that defining moment changed completely my energy and I just started to live life based on what do I want? In regards to the what like, what do I want to do? Just because I'd love to do it, because that's what my happiness is going to be created upon. And my second husband actually ended up turning up not long after and it was very different in regards to how I felt about it. It was just just a sure knowing of it's, just because I love to hang out with him, not necessarily because I feel worthy of and approves that I'm lovable.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, what you shared there is such an important message for people, because now I guess our listeners can go through this, this process and I was just doing it, then actually thinking about the things that I have in my life or the people that I'm surrounded by that helped me to feel happy, and then it got me to think about what, if I lost them, would I still be able to access and resource happiness within myself? And there's some things there that I'm still attached to, as we all are. We're human beings, you know, in this physical world that has you know so many things that we can be attached to. What you spoke about before, about going into the woods and doing your own individual work to find yourself, I'm what I'm actually interested in. Is you doing that within partnership with somebody else, right with your new husband?
Speaker 1:I want to know what that experience was like for you going, moving into a serious relationship again Based on, I guess, this newfound knowing of yourself, but also in the back of your mind, remembering the trauma that existed from the loss of your first husband. How was that for you? Because, I mean, for a lot of people, they would be sitting in this state of clinging and fear and, oh, please don't leave. I've got to make sure that you know everything's safe for you and and you know what I mean Andrea.
Speaker 3:Yeah, totally, and it's such a good question because I can honestly reflect on whatever and I know it's my higher self, but whatever people want to believe, whether it was a thought or whatever but that your happiness is your responsibility completely was like turning a light on that. I couldn't turn off at that point in time. It literally just shifted my focus on my perspective and my husband my first husband was pretty amazing. I've always maintained that and again, whatever people think of it, but I've always maintained that my husband was absolutely guiding me on how to live without him throughout our son's illness.
Speaker 3:His staunch, strong, and, and his catch cry was always you can't worry about what you can't change. And so I always had that at the back of you know, even if I got shaky. Like you can't worry about what I can't change, I can't go back. I cannot go back and bring him back to life and I can sit here and rob myself of love and happiness and be miserable, but that ain't changing shit about whether he's by my side or not physically, and so being able to lean into his way of being helped me immensely. But that flick, I just started loving life again just because I was here and I had the opportunity to love life. It's been 17 years.
Speaker 3:Have there been times where I've fallen off the perch? Is there times where I've doubted my, my path forward? We've uprooted and moved from Victoria to the Sunshine Coast with no jobs, no house, no idea what we're doing. Put all our pieces together, like. There's been times I'm like what are you doing? And the happiness has not been at the forefront. But I know that it's still my responsibility and what's more important is it's my opportunity to choose how I want to be and that I'm in control of that.
Speaker 3:So when we met, it was a super whirlwind, like when I say that I knew, and people say, oh, you know, love at first sight it doesn't exist. We connected on the internet. So we were your typical internet love fest, you know, and I think we talked for maybe a month and then we met in person. A month later he met my boys, who were five and three. Five and three, yep. Two weeks later he stayed over and never went home. Six weeks of physically meeting him, we were living together and we have never looked back and all I can say is I just knew yeah.
Speaker 3:I just knew. I never doubted it, I never really questioned it. He's very. He's the complete opposite to me. I'm extroverted, he's introverted, all those sort of things. But the safety that that man provided for me to actually begin to really know who I am and take my own journey.
Speaker 3:I've done more of my healing since we've been together than I've ever done in my life because he created that safety for me to to really go into the edgier parts, like we're human we have amazing attributes and gifts we all do but we all have some shitty stuff too that can be really hard to sit with and really be hard to look in the mirror, and he's always just allowed me whatever space I've needed to be able to do that and to come out with this real sense of knowing who I am and what I'm here for and why I'm here for it wow, can we get this man on the podcast?
Speaker 1:I want him on the podcast only because you know to have a man who can help his partner to be settled in a nervous system, then allows her to be in a natural state of flow and ease, which then provides fertile ground for her to be able to peer into her darkness. That is why it is so important for a man to be grounded in himself, to be the rock within the relationship and to be the one who fosters the growth of his partner in a way like that.
Speaker 3:I did and these are the things like I've always said that. I've always said that like he came to a breathwork session with me just for shits and giggles because on us he's just like, okay, like, and he didn't get much out of it. I get a lot out of it, but he gave it a go and it's not his thing and I don't. It's this stuff that I'm into. It's not his thing and I'm so okay with that and he's so okay with that.
Speaker 3:But he is so comfortable in his own skin that he never felt threatened by the memory. Like we have three families. We have Christmas with three families my first in-laws, my second in-laws and my family. It's always been like that. He has always held the space for my past and my son's past, while fully embracing what we have together. And, like I've always said, I would give up my life for the man because I and it's not because I'm codependent to him or anything, but just because I value his sense of self so much that it just has allowed me to to really just remember who I am and yeah, it's just, he's just a gift, like he really truly is a gift. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I want to just go back a step, because there's something that you said before and I love in loving just listening and watching and just taking it all in. There's something that you said before that I think I want to pull out a little bit more from our listeners perspective, because I was just working with a lady yesterday and I feel like this will be really helpful for her, but and a lot of people but you said there's nothing external to us is ever guaranteed and I know, I know, obviously I know what you mean by that, but I'd love for you to kind of just explain that a little bit more and share, I guess, your experience with that. I'm you've already kind of dived a little bit into that, but tell me, what does that mean to you?
Speaker 3:okay. So what it means to me is that anything external to us should be an added bonus that we are capable of being okay with losing or changing. Or You're not your job, you're not your relationship, you're not your money, you're not your past experiences, you're not your future experiences. You are the living essence of right here, right now, and what we are here and what we are created in to be able to share from within ourselves. And that is so overlooked and so bypassed in the pursuit of us being something because of what we have or what we do. It's backwards to me.
Speaker 3:We are not who we are based on our degree, our occupation, our bank account. We are who we are and we get to use that and share that in a way that can create those external things, for whatever reason, purpose or why we want that. But we have to be okay with not having them so that they don't have the power over us. Because if you can't contemplate life with anything external and it's, you know that's a big call, like I've literally chosen a funeral song for my baby just in case. But the reality is, when you can get so okay with even the discomfort of losing a child or a partner or a job or your money, it no longer controls you, you are no longer trying to control. It allows you to come into a sense of low and acceptance and be able to follow the guidance of what's internal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, amazing, great answer, thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think a lot of it echoes what Buddha teaches, which is attachment is suffering, and it just highlights that exact thing. And if we can look at our life and look at the things that we're clinging to, and particularly our persona that we've built as part of this meat suit thing that we've dropped into right, we've been taught from day dot that we need to be somebody. You know, we've been taught that you need to be important, you need to look a certain way, behave a certain way and, to a degree, we need to be socialized, to exist in this world to some degree. But that programming that's layered on top of us prevents our true essence from coming out only if we're lenient on this persona that we've built right. So, yeah, the degrees, the accolades, the accomplishments, the perfect life that I'm portraying on Facebook, all these things you know, what if Facebook collapses? What if my partner leaves me? Then who am I Then what?
Speaker 1:And I think if we can ask those questions just like you did, I mean at a big level, and I think that that's amazing that you have and some people might think it's morbid, but you know, you've created a song for your baby. It's funeral. That's kind of what we're talking about here. It's sinking into that experience before it's happened, so that you can almost feel the pains and experience the suffering and almost get to that point where you've actually accepted that this could happen. I don't know, and maybe I can continue with life knowing that I'll be okay if this happens. I will be okay.
Speaker 3:And I think it's also really important that recognizing that okay has variables in that doesn't I don't know what okay will be. I don't know what okay would be for you if something tragic were to happen to you or your whole life flipped upside down. I don't know what okay would be for me either if I lost my second husband. But there's an okayness of that. We are built to survive and the reality is that so much of our suffering comes from what we make things mean about who we are Everything, like I've had little bits and pieces just drop in like little sayings, and this one I hold firm to.
Speaker 3:Everything is nothing until we make it mean something. So divorce is just divorce until you make it mean like you're unlovable. Bankruptcy is just bankruptcy until you make it mean that you're a failure. Everything, everything is nothing, and we are in control of what we make that mean. And it's almost our duty, but also an honor, to go within and start to connect what meaning am I making and where has it come from? And really begin to uncover those unconscious beliefs, because that's what's driving the bus.
Speaker 3:To be a conscious creator of your life, conscious creator in a relationship, in a career, in anything, you have to be able to recognize where the unconscious beliefs are getting in the way of you. Just because that's the only thing, that's the only roadblock. Point A, point B what would you love to have? Just because you want to have it, whether it's relationship or anything. This is where we are. There's a straight line to that. Except they're in between there's roadblocks, or they think, oh, you'll be abandoned, you'll be rejected, you'll be criticized. Where did that come from? Why do you have that? I know why. I had an unworthy and wanted love to prove to me that I'm worthy, and that's the kind of journey that we get to have, but we're so afraid of that, and yet the absolute freedom that is on the other side of being radically honest with their just beliefs. They're not the truth. They are your perception, based on your experiences at a time that you were not old enough nor emotionally capable of really seeing what the truth was.
Speaker 2:So spot on. I love that yeah.
Speaker 1:And I was actually going to ask you how someone would go through a process of maybe unraveling their unconscious beliefs. But it does start with that. It starts with just asking those questions like why Am I so scared of divorce and what that would look like? And you don't actually need a coach. If you've got enough space and time and you've got a self reflective practice and you've got a journal, you don't really need a coach.
Speaker 1:You do need to understand the process and I think that by asking those questions to yourself in a place of curiosity, like, wow, isn't that interesting that I have such a fear of losing my partner? Why, why is that so? Why am I really clinging to that? And I wonder what that is. And then you might find that there's someone that had a big influence on your life, and maybe they didn't. Well, maybe they're just in your life at the moment and you've gathered some information from them, or an insight or a belief from them, and you've taken it on as the truth. And then you've made a decision that if I lose this relationship, it equals this and that's the meaning, isn't it?
Speaker 3:And the thing with it is, once you can establish the meaning, or have some idea about the meaning, the very next question needs to be and is that true?
Speaker 1:And is that true?
Speaker 3:And is that true? Like if I was to get divorced, my parents will think that I was, that I'm a failure, or people are going to think that you know whatever it is. And then the next question is is that true? Yeah, Because the ego's game is never the truth. That's the soul's game.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the ego is here to keep us safe and it's going to do whatever it needs to do to keep you safe. It's not concerned with how happy you are, it's not concerned with how content you are. It is concerned with your safety and security. And lots of shitfuckery comes from leaning into the ego's game.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yeah, it'll keep us alive and, yeah, that is actually, of course, important. Okay, remember, no wrong mouseball. Even being alive and the attachment to staying alive in itself is something I think that you know. It is an important area to explore if you're willing to go deep, like and what death actually means to you, and I've written my own eulogy of you know, even somewhat probably gone on a journey of death, actually for the purpose of experiencing what I need to let go of, in order to you know what would that be like for me to let go of everything. And death itself is something that I think that we inherently, as human beings, like culturally and socially, I think we've been conditioned to think that death is the worst thing that we could ever happen to us.
Speaker 3:And I think it's like the things that I was saying before is that the more you can accept that that is a possibility and an inevitability at some stage, the less control it has over you.
Speaker 3:Whatever we can accept as a possibility. Death is obviously inevitable, but as a possibility it ceases to control us. And when things cease to control us, then we tend to live more. So that was the thing that I began to learn after losing my husband and experiencing his death was that in living through his death, I actually learned how to live more Like. My second marriage is what it is.
Speaker 3:The depth of love that I have for that man is because and that's the you know, recognizing that the you know the depths of despair that you can go to when things don't work out, no matter what it is, and the trauma or those more edgier experiences it kind of is the opposite on the upper end, like.
Speaker 3:So I love the way that I love because I've lost it to the depth that I've lost and being able to appreciate that, the perspective that we get. There's just so much that can come from everything that feels like it's falling apart. It's like we then get to choose how we put that back together and we get to decide what that looks like and what our life looks like. And if you decide that you want your life to look like a mishmash of mixed up pieces that don't fit, because that feels safer to you, that's awesome. Just know you're choosing it, though, whereas if you want to take like a kaleidoscope of colors and put it together and have this beautiful rainbow life of things that you love, just because you love it, awesome. But just know that at any second, you are choosing, whether you're aware of it or not, and you have the power to be able to shift towards what you do want if you shift the focus of what you don't want.
Speaker 3:Because, that's a really important part that I've just learned as well is that we're creating our reality, but a lot of the time we are so focused on what we don't want and we don't realize. Then that's where the power is. If you don't want a relationship where there's fighting and arguing and all you're thinking about is how do I stop the fighting and arguing? How do I stop it Like I don't want this? This isn't great. That's where the power is and you recreate it. If you flip over to accepting that this is your current reality, but flip across to actually beginning to picture what you would love harmony and good communication and effortless decisions and stuff like that that's where the power is. Might not end up with old mate over here, but you might attract. Your life then begins to follow the path of what you do want.
Speaker 2:I love that. Yeah, because exactly the message that we're trying to share with people in general about life, but in relationship it's so important. We've been working with quite a few single people recently and just that, like I always in the bad relationships have always attract this type of person and I'm like, is that because you're always thinking about it? You're always wishing that it wasn't like that or you didn't have that. But let's shift that attention and perspective and put it what are you wanting? We'll get really clear on that and that helps a lot to keep that in alignment, for you to attract that into your life.
Speaker 1:I do want to add in there, though, that some people don't know what that looks like as well, so I've never experienced it.
Speaker 1:If that's you and you actually don't know what a healthy relationship looks like, whether that be with a partner, with yourself then for sure it's worth contacting somebody or hanging around people that are potentially living the experience or the life that you actually want. If you're, you know it's like the person you are is a sum of the five people that you're hanging around. I think that there's so much weight in that, and so same with you. Know the books that you read, what do you pay attention to? Where's your focus going? Because where your attention goes, your energy flows, and that's such a big lesson for those who are avoiding suffering. If we're always avoiding and in that vibration of avoidance, then unfortunately it doesn't matter whether you are avoiding or paying attention to it. You are paying attention to it, Like because You're unconscious.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah, yeah. And I think that thing, just that quickly, that point of you know for people that don't know, like I've been, really I've been really blessed, I've had two amazing husbands and you know, I don't really know what a dysfunctional relationship feels like. Within my personal experience I've certainly seen it. But that whole thing of if they don't know, and so it can be hard to actually really focus on, to take the focus off a relationship, take a focus, put the focus on living a life you would love, right, if that's going dancing on the weekend, go dance on the weekend. If that's going to the beach and having a picnic, go to. Because the universe responds to our energy and the universe actually knows and you don't have to know what that looks like to know what a life you love feels like. So come into that and let the magic actually actually sort it for you.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, I didn't do it. I certainly didn't have a dot point list of what I wanted in my second husband. All I knew was that I love to love and there will be somebody out there that will love me and my children as their own and I'm not too broken. I don't know when, I don't know how, but that's what's happening. And then I got about living my life.
Speaker 1:So that would then require of you to trust, which in itself is that's a challenge for a lot of people, you know to drop into trust because a lot of people are fearful, and they're fearful from past experiences, they're fearful from the hostility of the world and maybe watching things on TV, you know, being influenced by events like COVID and everything else. So it's understandable that we're feeling fearful, and so, again, just asking that question like is this true, this fear, so that we can start to collapse these beliefs that we have, and then from there we can challenge its validity?
Speaker 3:And I think it's the recognizing that when we are placing an expectation on the outcome. So the one thing that I know in regards to my second husband like as much as I went, someone will love me and my children and it just is happening that it's the truth and I know it to be true and then I kind of just let go of what that was gonna look like or the expectations that I had. Now he is absolutely introverted and had a very different like social lifestyle than what I did and I'd never seen one like that. He was very you know, just him and a couple of friends. Or, as I've got people everywhere and I'm like what's the go with this? Like maybe I do, but then I'm just like you know what it just is and if it's meant to work and come together, it's going to, and if it doesn't, then that's just been a life experience I've meant to have.
Speaker 3:It's being able to really trust in whatever experiences we have.
Speaker 3:Are we okay that they were the experiences that we were sent here for and to let go of the expectation that it needs to be in any particular way for it to be right for us? I know that pain isn't fun. I get that on a pretty raw level, but it's whether we're willing to accept that that is a part of the human experience and it has many beautiful gifts in it, and if we are willing to actually listen to our internal guidance system. I don't think, I really truly don't think, that there's anyone who, if they are connected to that internal guidance system, could honestly say when something turned to shit they did not see it coming at all. I believe that at some level there would have been a bit of a disconnect or a bit of a nudge or something, and we don't want to listen to that because it's all a bit too hard and scary. But if we really tune into that and go, what am I being guided to do here, I do think we can actually work through and manage some of that suffering.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a great point and it's one that is so pertinent to our listeners, because often we just push away our gut instinct, we push away our intuition, and especially in relationships, because we want it to look a certain way, we want it to be squeaky clean. You know, we don't want this harmony, and no, I'm sure that that's nothing. I'm sure that that's nothing. And then when, I don't know, maybe there's some infidelity that a couple of us has experienced, the bombshell drops for the partner who's been cheated on, and maybe, on reflection, it normally takes weeks or even months later that they realize that it wasn't an instantaneous thing that happened. It was all the times that maybe we weren't actually, you know, coming together in healthy ways, you know speaking to each other really nicely. I wasn't speaking up when I should have, I wasn't giving her the attention that I should have been, I was prioritizing work over our kids and our relationship, and it goes on and on, and you can realize that it wasn't as sudden as you thought it was.
Speaker 3:And I guess that's the self honesty that is probably what people fear the most is to be able to look in the mirror and see all of the aspects. It seems like the mediocracy of being a human is easy to accept, but the gifts, the absolute beauty of who we are individually and what we bring to this world and the ripple effect we can create. We, you know, we bring that back down because, in case somebody thinks I'm being arrogant or whatever, heck, no, we've all got amazing stuff that the world needs and we need to share, but we also don't want to look at the aspects that are the polar opposite that we are.
Speaker 3:you know, we are moody, or we are sneaky, or we are hostile or whatever. It's like we just want to sit in this mediocracy but then have amazing experiences, isn't? It so they come from the polarity of what it is to be a human.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well we could go so deep with this, andrea, and I wish I wish we had several hours and maybe we should do an extended podcast one time but it's been a really beautiful, insightful journey for our listeners and especially for you being able to share the rawness of your story and how it hasn't trapped you, it hasn't dropped you into victimhood, it's actually unfurl the gift that you have. That needs to be shared to the world, and I honour you. We're so blessed to have met you and our lines of cross and I wanted to ask if you could tell our listeners maybe how they could get in touch with you, because you're doing some incredible work. Where can people find you, andrea?
Speaker 3:Sorry Again. I'd just like to thank you for welcoming me on. Obviously, I like to talk and share my message, so it's just always an honour to be able to connect with other beautiful people and share that intimacy of these conversations. But, yeah, if I'm on Facebook, instagram, linkedin just under Andrea Gullick, so yeah, I'm a little bit quieter on socials at the moment. I've also got a website, if people want to go check that out. In regards to the work that I do do, some of that is coaching, mentoring, some of that is one day retreats and things like that. So there's bits and pieces that I do, but, yeah, if people are curious, then by all means they can reach out. That would be wonderful.
Speaker 2:Amazing. We'll put it in the show notes as well. But, yeah, appreciate your time and thank you so much, and hopefully we'll cross paths one day in real person. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:That would be amazing. We skipped around your area on our trip around Australia, so we still have that to come explore, so maybe one day soon yeah, that'd be great, we'd love that.
Speaker 2:So much, thank you so much Thanks, Andrea.