Thrive Again - Your relationship podcast

Navigating Holiday Stress: Strengthening Your Relationship Through Effective Communication

• Michael & Amy

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Navigating the festive season with your partner can sometimes feel like a tightrope walk through social obligations, family gatherings, and holiday stress. Imagine having a toolkit to maintain harmony and connection even amidst the chaos. That's exactly what we explore in this episode, where we share personal anecdotes and insights into tackling relationship challenges that often arise during the holidays. From dealing with increased socialization and the stress of family visits to managing anxiety and past traumas, discover how proactive communication and teamwork can turn potential pitfalls into opportunities for deeper connection and support.

Building on this foundation, we highlight the transformative power of effective communication in nurturing your relationship's growth, particularly during the bustling holiday season. Learn how to set aside dedicated time for meaningful conversations, using techniques like "I" statements, to express personal feelings and needs without triggering defensiveness or conflict. We introduce a program designed to foster safety, clarity, and intimacy, helping to reignite passion and reduce burnout. Finally, as we look toward 2025, we encourage you to savor each moment of presence with loved ones, embracing the growth and thrilling new opportunities the new year promises. Join us on this journey as we share our experiences and insights, aiming to enhance your festive experience and strengthen your relationship.

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Speaker 1:

1, 2, 3, 4 couples and singles who want to unlock their relationship potential and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful soul level. We share insights, client breakthroughs and personal stories to help move your relationship from surviving to thriving. Welcome everyone to another episode of Thrive Again, your relationship podcast. We're very excited to bring you this episode because it will be released on Christmas morning. So Merry Christmas everybody. Whenever you're listening to this, it may not be on Christmas Day, but whenever that is, we hope that you have a really happy festive season and get some time to focus on the relationship as well, right?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, christmas is a beautiful time of year and we've got extra things that are thrown at us. So this episode we really wanted to address that and this is from lived experience from us. So we're going to share a little story that was really helpful for us to avoid reactiveness and I guess sometimes with these elements coming into our lives, we can start to become protective, become individual. But our focus is to really see if we can help you to drop into more teamwork, more supportiveness, more being able to foster each other's kind of support network, the bubble of the relationship in these times of stress.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, definitely, and I think for us it was almost like oblivion, like we weren't aware or conscious of what was happening during these kind of social situations, or when family was visiting, or when we were in stressful points where we were kind of everything was heightened because we were experiencing something different that was out of the normal routine. So, whether that's, you know, christmas parties with friends or Christmas parties with work colleagues but, yeah, I think, bringing into awareness that this is an actual issue and we see this with many couples, you know, and many couples are like oh, I just thought that was normal, I thought that we just did our thing. But there's actually a different way and there is a better way that we can be in those situations much more connectedly than our usual unknown sort of pattern that we're in.

Speaker 2:

Right, and you can think about all the extra things that are thrown in here. So for a lot of people, there's alcohol okay, that comes into the mix, maybe a little more than you, than you usually have. There's socialization you've got extra people around. You've got people that maybe you've had history with, including family, that are into the equation. Maybe one or both of you have some level of anxiety around social situations. You know that could come up as well, and there's a sensitivity there that's not really looked after. So, and that's just a few things that I've just come up with off the top of my head, but there's so many more, including holidays and financial stress and time away from my purpose or my job or Even traumas from the past experiences in those situations right Like if there's been a bad circumstance with family in the previous years, that's caused that anxiousness that to pop up again.

Speaker 1:

So there's quite a lot, I think, and I don't know if we've actually made it clear, but so this episode we're going to share with you some of the reasons why I suppose we find ourselves disconnected during this festive season in relationships, maybe more so than other times connected and bonded through these times, which is really simple yet really powerful way to have even a better time, a better experience over those sorts of different interactions and different connections over the Christmas period.

Speaker 2:

All right, so let's start with why. I guess why this happens. Like well, you know what's is that where you were getting?

Speaker 1:

at yeah sure.

Speaker 2:

Why does this actually kind of come up?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so issues in relationships during these times.

Speaker 2:

Is that what you're meaning?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I guess, like we kind of touched on just before. You know, it could just be that's how things have been in the past. You know, like, say, for example, if a family is coming to visit, we might just do our normal routines and and it could lead us to not really connecting over that period of time at all.

Speaker 2:

And that might just be because it's how we do things and that's what it's been like in the in the previous situations yeah, and then that can kind of cause disharmony in the relationship, because maybe attention's moving to other people or, you know, maybe maybe one partner's not feeling supported enough in maybe just just cooking or or preparing or even just being next to them, socializing with them, rather than having that separateness which can sometimes happen yeah, yeah, definitely so let's just share a little bit about our story just to give some context, and then maybe that will give you an understanding of maybe what we went through and then how we actually mitigated this.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for sure, and maybe people can relate to this when they're listening to it too, so yeah, Christmases ago and my family were actually coming up from Victoria.

Speaker 2:

They're coming up to visit us at our house and yeah, I think we were just going to have them over for a week and I think for you, your level of discomfort was arising and you felt the urge to speak it to me in terms of what you're worried about and that's how this kind of came about, this model that we we started, and really what you were concerned about, I think, also was a it came back to me and and perhaps some history with my family and also my people-pleasing people pleasing tendencies, um, my sometimes inability to, um to be with you in those social moments, you know, and yeah, and I think that if, by you coming to me, what happened was that gave us an opportunity to really get to these points before it actually happened.

Speaker 1:

So it's like an anticipatory process that we went through yeah, I think, um, there was a lot coming up for me, like when your family were coming to visit and I think it's great, like it's always great to see family. But everybody knows that that extra pressure of the in-laws or the cousins or whoever it is, the brothers, the sisters that are coming, it changes the dynamics completely in the house. Right, there's new energy, there's probably more alcohol than normal, there's less sleep, there's more stress in the house as everybody's kind of trying to walk around I don't know on eggshells in some capacity, because we're not used to this environment, it's not familiar. So our nervous systems are probably more heightened, we're more likely to be reactive. It's just this time of year, you know. It kind of brings out that busyness, that chaotic energy in a lot of people, and that's probably also from our programming and conditioning. You know all of that stuff, that Christmas you must have this, you must do this, and all of those expectations put pressure face exactly all the while, while putting on your mask, that everything's wonderful and

Speaker 1:

rosy and you've got this perfect family. That actually is chaos underneath it all. So, yes, I think that was coming up and and I wanted to work out a way how I could start to mitigate that, because I felt a lot of pressure, like I feel this pressure when I'm hosting, I guess, at our house that I have to do everything. You know, and I don't know where that came from. It's maybe something that I've kind of learnt from my parents watched them kind of run around frantic, getting prepared for their visitors that came, but I noticed how much that was starting to worry me. So that's why I kind of came to you, I suppose, in in a, in a way that I was like, hey, you know, this is really starting to stress me out. I need to have a chat with you about how we can do a.

Speaker 2:

Do yeah and that wasn't in it.

Speaker 2:

while we were in it, though, so this is in advance, so we're talking like a week out. So this is the important part is that it's not while we're in it that we're having this conversation, because when you're in it you're more likely to be reactive, you're more likely to be reacting to. Some circumstances just happened and now we're in a power struggle for, well, there could be something like well, you don't help me out, oh well, you weren't helping me out outside and all the outside stuff. And then, before you know it, we're in some sort of conflict.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, and that just causes this whole disconnect through this festive time that we're supposed to be happy, right, but yet we're really suffering internally trying to put on this happy face if this is what's happened?

Speaker 2:

Right. So that's a key point here is actually setting up the time to really go through what you anticipate is going to be a little bit troublesome for you personally. So it's an opportunity just to share and so, if you like, just get a notepad and pen and actually write these things down if it's helpful Otherwise, just really paying attention to what your partner is sharing and I encourage that you do it one partner at a time, okay, and really just try to understand and extract more from them in that experience so yeah.

Speaker 1:

So this could be a really important practice to do before any type of social thing that might cause some disharmony or disconnect. So it might just be going out for dinner with friends. You know, when we go out for dinner I notice that you drink a lot more and then I feel like left out or whatever that situation is for your relationship. So then we can open up that conversation how we can better support each other. Because I don't think that often it's intentional that we do these things to our partners, but often it's not shared or spoken about.

Speaker 1:

So therefore it's it's intentional that we do these things to our partners, but often it's not shared or spoken about so therefore it's it's hard for the other person to know what goes on for them, because they're they're not experiencing it yeah, yeah, that makes sense, spot on.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, it's the unspoken words. The unspoken hurts, um, the times when I felt disconnected from you in the past, and I want to protect us from that happening again. Yeah, and so if it keeps coming back to that that pure hey, I want to, I want to have a more harmonious relationship with you through this period, then it's less likely that we're going to drop into the. I need this. I want that you never turn up for me in this way, that defensiveness and tacking mode yeah, for sure, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So I think that's when I approached you in that way. It was really amazing to see the changes that we were able to do during that christmas. Um, because, what, what would normally be a stressed out, unhappy, sort of troublesome time for me and I would probably take it out on the kids. I'd get frustrated and then I'd get annoyed at you and then I probably wouldn't be so polite to your parent or to your mum and the rest of the family, but I would try my best. So this particular Christmas that we referred to, where we set this conversation up prior, it was so much better. It was like you were more conscious of how to best support, you're more aware of dinner times and how to help in the kitchen a bit more. You were more conscious of maybe just sitting back and just having a dozen beers with your brother, but you would just actually, oh, hang on, amy needs a hand. I'm just going to go and give her a hand for half an hour.

Speaker 1:

Those sorts of things made such a big difference, I think.

Speaker 2:

She had a dozen beers. Wow, been a long time since I've had a dozen beers over the day. You're probably surprised and can we just do a quick um like a, I guess a teaching of how we would do this. Like, let's just say there was one topic that you wanted to bring up, can we just go through that right now as an example? Do you think that would be helpful, like a dialogue sort of process? Yeah, an example, do you think that would be helpful?

Speaker 1:

like a dialogue sort of process yeah, sure, yeah, yeah I guess it would be like um important.

Speaker 1:

The first step is kind of set up a time like if I just came to you and just dropped that on you, then if you're in the mindset of, you know, doing something else or whatever, it might come across as an attack. So I said you have to set up the time right. I really suggest it's important to hey, I'd like to have a chat with you about what's coming ahead for christmas, when, when's a good time, and then that kind of question or something similar along those lines creates that space where we both can feel safe and comfortable to to know that this is the time and opportunity to share something that's important cool, all right and right.

Speaker 2:

And then, as we said before, one partner at a time, really just sharing a few of the points that they've maybe thought about. That is a bit tricky for them, or they anticipate it's going to be a bit tricky. So maybe if you just want to send one, that was, you know, that you brought up at that time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah sure sure, I wanted to speak really passionately actually about this program that amy and I have created this year and it is literally a blueprint of all of our learnings, all of our creations, all of our experiences in our relationship and just condensed into a really potent package, and couples right now that are in that are experiencing insane transformation in just the first four weeks. So really just wanted to speak briefly about that.

Speaker 1:

So if you're experiencing tension and misunderstanding in your relationship and you're wanting to move to maybe more safety and clarity, or if you're feeling triggered and reactive in those arguments but you'd like to actually stay grounded and present, or maybe you've been feeling completely invisible unsure of your needs, then we can help you to feel this unprecedented intimacy in this program. And lastly, let's be honest, a lot of us are feeling burned out, exhausted, no zest, no life. So we want to help you guys to create that passion back into your relationship, to take you to that next level.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we've seen so many couples burning through literally tens of thousands of dollars on marriage counseling over 12 to 24 months. If that doesn't sound like much fun, then shoot us a message, either through facebook or instagram and even email. So, amy at michael and amycomau, and we can just send you some more information and you can put through an application is to share whatever it is for them.

Speaker 1:

So for me I would have gone into something like hey, and at dinner times I feel like you don't ever really help think about what we need to do for meals it'd be really nice if you could give me a hand, you know, in that space of planning and preparing that. Um, also maybe considering putting the kids to bed, giving me a hand with bathing time, all those sorts of things I think I would go into.

Speaker 2:

Yeah okay, yeah, so, um, so yeah, from your perspective, like you, what you're saying is that it's a support element.

Speaker 1:

Like you, want to feel more supported from me in that in that space of just helping out with dinner and with the kids and not being oblivious to what's going on in that space, yeah, yeah, that would be really helpful and I think that would help me to also enjoy and let go of the stress of worrying about all of that stuff. Like I feel like it's my burden to think about all those things but. If you can help me out with that. It'd be really cool okay, cool.

Speaker 2:

So you want a little bit of brain power on the side to sort of help with just planning and stuff too yeah, because I don't think it's all my responsibility.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's your family here too yeah, yeah, of course.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'll do my best and make sure you give me a nudge if I'm a little bit off track. Yeah, yeah, that'd be good yeah, so the guys.

Speaker 1:

That's an example of kind of how that sort of type of conversation can go, you know, like it doesn't need to get super um uh heated or shouting or anything like that. We can just really keep it calm and and uh, offer that support and share. I guess, ultimately what's going on for you in those moments cool.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, key point there, as we said we've said a couple of times it's set up the time. Okay, make sure you set up the time and do it beforehand. So setting up the time allows for the partner to be ready to receive. Actually sitting down and doing it, say a day or a week out or whatever, before you're in. It is actually going to help you to remain clear in what your partner actually needs and, of course, what you can voice to your partner in terms of how they can support you as well. So they're probably the main things. And then, of course, the way in which you communicate. Coming from the I statement and coming from the me and my experience, I feel anxious when okay, so I'd love it if you could, if you can speak in that kind of structure, then it's really going to help to reduce the chance of dropping into conflict, offensensiveness, all those sorts of things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think it can really be a beautiful bonding moment. It can be an opportunity to deepen that relationship if you're vulnerable enough to share what's going on, because I think a lot of us think that, ah, I can just do this, I'll just truck on or I'll just have another drink and I'll forget about that, you know.

Speaker 1:

So it takes a bit of courage to have those conversations because I know at the beginning I kind of needed thought, I just need to suck this up. It's just my job or whatever. Um, there's all those sorts of thoughts that go on before those conversations. So I just really encourage um the listener if this is you or if you can relate to something similar, maybe you suffer from social anxiety. We've got couples that suffer from that. Or we've also got couples that um have jealousy sort of problems. Even though they haven't experienced infidelity or or trust issues, they they innately have this jealousy when they go in social situations. So, even being vulnerable, to share that with your partner so they can support you. It can. It can really do a beautiful thing for this relationship's bond and connection, and deepening this, which is what we're all about, that's our message is to try and help you guys to have that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, have a wonderful Christmas everyone. I hope you got something out of that episode, and 2025 is going to be a big one. We say that every year because we are, we're constantly growing and evolving and for those who are part of our I guess our inner circle of friends, but also our clients they get to really come on the ride with us. You know, and we don't I say we don't know where we're heading. We do have an idea of where we're heading, but we don't know what it's going to look like ultimately, because we haven't experienced it before to look like ultimately, because we haven't experienced it before. But there are some deeply, insanely, um, exciting ventures that are going to be popping up. You guys are going to see some of those and but in the meantime, just I'd love for you to just settle into presence over this holiday period as much as you can, because before you know it, we're just thrust back into, you know, into the working, normal life again. So, yeah, see if you can find those little moments with each other.

Speaker 1:

Happy New Year, everybody, and we'll see you and talk to you in 2025.