Thrive Again - Your relationship podcast

The 5 Minute Relationship Check-in: A Ritual that Skyrockets Connection

• Michael & Amy • Season 1 • Episode 52

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Feeling disconnected from your partner despite living under the same roof? The solution might be simpler than you think. We share a powerful five-minute relationship check-in ritual that has transformed our connection and that of countless couples we've worked with.

When relationships hit rough patches, we often overcomplicate the solution, seeing our partner as "the problem" and cycling through the same arguments. But frequently, the missing piece isn't complex – it's about prioritisation, emotional connection, and meaningful rituals. This simple daily check-in demonstrates that you're making each other a priority, even if just for five minutes in your busy lives.

The beauty of this ritual lies in its ability to create space for vulnerability, allowing you to see beneath your partner's guarded façade. You'll gain clarity about what's happening in each other's worlds without guessing or misinterpreting, while building emotional safety through dedicated time together. One couple we worked with, parents of two young children with virtually no time together, transformed their relationship in just one week through this five-minute daily practice.

We guide you through our four-question format that covers personal emotions, gratitude, challenges, and relationship status – all designed to deepen connection while preventing conflict through "I" statements rather than accusations. These regular check-ins resolve small issues before they compound into larger problems, keeping your relationship slate clean through consistent reconciliation.

Ready to transform your connection in just five minutes a day? Reach out for our free PDF guide with all the steps and questions to implement your own relationship check-ins. Your pathway to deeper connection might be simpler than you ever imagined.

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Speaker 1:

1, 2, 3, 4 couples and singles who want to unlock their relationship potential and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful soul level. We share insights, client breakthroughs and personal stories to help move your relationship from surviving to thriving. Welcome everyone to another episode of Thrive Again your relationship podcast. We are very excited to bring this short but really powerful and effective strategy to you guys today, because we have seen the evidence of it working with the couples that we've been working with closely over the last few months and we've actually been testing it out a little bit more in our own relationship. We did used to do it and now we're bringing it back in, so we thought it'd be a great episode to bring directly to you, to be able to take away this tool and this strategy to really start to make some inroads in your relationship all right.

Speaker 2:

So here we are, and I've also just really I really want to speak into why this particular method or ritual let's call it a ritual can really change the connection that you have with your partner within five to ten minutes. And I want to cover a few points, because sometimes we overcomplicate the relationship and what's missing and we can just look at our partner as they're just doing all the things that are triggering us and then therefore, we just cycle into arguments and they're the problem. But often there's a deeper, underlying issue, as you often hear in our podcasts, is like there's something missing and sometimes it's not as complex as you think. Sometimes it's just the prioritization right. Sometimes it's the emotional connection, maybe the vulnerability, that little bit more depth, that real kind of ritual together, right, other than all right.

Speaker 2:

If you do the kids sandwiches, I'll go and sweep the floor like that's not really the kind of ritual that we're talking about. So let's firstly just pull apart a few reasons or a few ways in which this can transform your relationship. Really simply, we don't even know what it is yet I know, can we keep it a secret?

Speaker 1:

I know, I feel like it's like what's the word?

Speaker 2:

it's a, it's like a mystery, a mystery.

Speaker 1:

But you're like, um, I don't know dangling the carrot, and we don't even know what the carrot is. Well, can we tell them then?

Speaker 2:

go on. All right. All right, it's a relationship check-in. So this is it's. It's been researched that a relationship check-in can really enhance the depth and connection with your partner and we, as Amy said before, we used to do this. We had a break from it and then we realized that this actually was a big missing part in us and really penetrating that depth zone within the relationship which is what we often speak about, that depth zone within the relationship which is what we often speak about. So it's easy, anyone can do it, and most of the time it doesn't. Really it's not risky, it's not something that can really rub salt into wounds, so to speak, if done correctly. So all right. So a five-minute relationship check-in. So let's talk about how this actually impacts us.

Speaker 1:

Like us too yeah, I think there's the check-in, um, for me, it shows that we're prioritizing each other, even if it's just for five minutes, like let's. Let's be honest, everyone these days is busy, you know. Everyone's got a million different things that they're trying to juggle at the same time. But when we do our check-in we're both able to be present with each other, to show each other that nothing else matters more than you right now, and that helps with that connection. It helps with that prioritization and that feeling of teamwork that we're on the same page.

Speaker 2:

Where we're here together in this relationship, we're not just two individuals living under the same roof one thing that's really helped me is that I get to see your facade, which is like the, I guess the the side of you that is not guarded, um sorry, the side of you that is guarded, the side of you that actually just presents itself to the world, and, yeah, I guess there's a vulnerable aspect of that. I get to see what's really happening underneath that veil and you get to see that in me. So that is a level of vulnerability that really does connect people, um, just in general and, of course, in relationship as well.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, it just makes that intimacy more accessible yeah, absolutely, and we get to know what each what's happening in each other's worlds. It's not a guessing game. We're not trying to figure it out or read the signs or get misunderstood. You know, and I and I think that really helps to bring that clarity and that bond together as well, because you know, I know what's going on for you. It's really helpful yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

The one thing that I love about it is that it's a time that's just simply dedicated to you and I, but that builds some level of emotional safety right, that you and I can actually enter into a ritual that deepens us together and our bond, right.

Speaker 1:

So that then obviously communicates that I matter to you, you matter to me, but also that we can do this dance at this next layer, deep, rather than the superficial stuff yeah, I love them singing back to a couple of clients that we've worked with recently that we've kind of really encouraged this and they've taken it on, um, this five minute check-in.

Speaker 1:

And there's one couple um who two young children, really busy, don't have any time for each other and they were almost scared to connect because they've become so disconnected I suppose through the years of whatever else has been going on in their relationship. But I remember that we would ask like, how's your check-in going? They're like it kind of feels a little bit awkward. But a week later I'm like how's it checking? They're like, oh, we love, love it. It's so nice that we feel more connected now from doing this five minutes every day and that's pretty much all they really change on their day-to-day stuff. Is that check-in? So that's like Michael said, it's, it's the subtleness of this five minutes and the ability to maintain it daily can really shift and transform the relationship.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, cool, all right. So one thing that's really important is if you actually commit to this relationship checking with your partner, then this is going to test your integrity. This is going to test your integrity because if you say you're going to do this and then you just forget to do it on wednesday, and then friday sort of ah, it's a long weekend, sorry, just missed that one then this can actually be more harmful than good right, because then it just reveals a lack of integrity and possibly even a lack of accountability.

Speaker 1:

Trust and trust.

Speaker 2:

And so if you're going to start a ritual, I really suggest that you both make an agreement that we're going to do this no matter what, and, of course, we're going to voice it to each other if something comes up, because life happens, and voice it as early as you can. So, like, maybe the night before hey, tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym and catch up with my friend. Afterwards I don't think I'm going to be able to do the relationship check in at 8 am like we usually do. Can we do it a little bit later? Is that okay with you? That then communicates that you are a person of integrity and that you can. You're considering the impact of this on the other person yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's okay. Like you said, life gets in the way but way, but it's being able to just express that to your partner, to show that it's still important to them. Yeah, they haven't forgotten, or they haven't put it to the side, because that can also show all sorts of other meanings to a partner you don't love me, you never prioritize me. You know, there's all those things that we can get stuck into as well, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, those things that we can get stuck into as well. Yeah, yeah, all right. So we've actually got a PDF document that we'd love to share with you. So if you send us a message, either on Instagram or send us an email, that's yeah, we'll give you that at the end of the well, we'll put in the show notes so you guys can access that. But let's just go through how we do our check-in. So, actually, the first question that we ask now we've just added this in to really test it is how are you feeling right now? And how are you feeling right now is obviously attuned to emotions and the emotional body, so what's really happening underneath now? For some people, like, it's really tricky to answer that, because they actually don't know how they're feeling.

Speaker 2:

So this actually just requires each of us to firstly make contact with the part of ourselves internally as to like if I'm feeling not good, can I elaborate? Answer that question like that. I think that there needs to be a little more complexity to that. So if you can label an emotion, then that's going to be really helpful for yourself and also for your partner to just get a grasp on where your emotional state is right now yeah, and this is you personally, not so much how you're feeling in the relationship.

Speaker 1:

It's like how are you feeling personally?

Speaker 1:

yeah, to help each other understand that, yeah, yeah, cool and we use a relationship wheel, which we can also add emotions wheel, yeah, the emotions wheel which is really helpful, just if if you find it really hard to pinpoint an emotion, this is a great map and a way to to really, yeah, just pinpoint what's really happening under the surface yeah, it's really good actually, because we just go through life trying, like you said, to keep everything together, like juggling it all, keeping the mask on, but to take that 30 seconds and go how am I? It's really helpful.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's really good, cool, so each of you goes through that.

Speaker 1:

The next question the next question is what's one thing that felt good or fulfilling for you today? So that gives that question, gives us an opportunity to maybe deep into, deepen into the gratitude or the positivity in your life again. Sometimes life can be quite negative and hard and challenging, but it's just a nice opportunity for you to see if, what, see, what's one thing that felt actually good, and it might just be, I don't know. I was driving to work and the light turned green quicker than I expected.

Speaker 1:

It could just be something as simple as that, but if we really notice those things, it can help us and our energy levels as well.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. The next question is it's just creating a space of vulnerability and just deepening that trust. So it's like what is the hardest part of your day and how can I support you? Another way to reframe this is like what's really happening for you that might be alive for you at the moment. Right, that's quite challenging, and then how can I support you? So that then just invites an offering of support as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, definitely, and I think, as I mentioned that couple at the beginning, you can imagine how, if you haven't done anything like this before in your relationship and you're going straight to these questions, it can feel a bit weird or different. But if you stick with it and just try, and I think after a week it'll become so much easier and more natural and you'll find your own words for these questions. These are just examples of how you can roughly say them. Yeah, perfect.

Speaker 2:

These are just examples of how you can roughly say them yeah, perfect, all right. And the final question is actually more in the relationship bubble space, right? This is kind of like what we call the space between us or the relationship bubble, which is how are we feeling as a couple today? And you can answer that how you want. So that's more just like you can answer it like hey, I felt really like distant from you. It's like your warmth evades me and I feel like I want closeness with you, but, yeah, I'm just feeling tension and stress and that keeps me distant. So it could be like hey, we're feeling really good lately, we haven't had an argument in a while and I feel really connected to you, so we're talking specifically about the relationship now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, and I think, taking again that that just a moment to reflect on that. Oh gosh, I don't know. Um you know, it takes a little while to get your head into how those things between us and it's really nice to be in touch with that part of yourself so you can continue checking in on yourself as well, as, you know, sharing that with your partner. So it's yeah, it's really powerful practice to speak up as well, to be vulnerable you know if you're feeling like I'm disconnected.

Speaker 1:

I'm like you're you've got your wall up, you're super busy, I don't get to see you. And remembering the energy of this is not to attack each other, but just to be open and and sharing the truth of what's happening too, so you can be better for each other yeah, for sure, and the perfect way to do this is to speak from eye space, yeah, to just be really speaking from.

Speaker 2:

Hey. This is my experience. It's not, you've always got your spikes out and I just can't get in there. It's, hey, I feel like you're distant, it feels like you're edgy and I can't quite get in there. My experience is that I feel like I can't connect. So it just really helps to reduce conflict right and the potential for this blowing up, because it's very easy for this to turn around, if it's like your pattern to turn this around into a blame game.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely. And all of this opportunity this five, 10 minutes to do these check-ins daily creates more times for you guys to resolve these little Michael calls it death by a thousand paper cuts. You know these little paper cuts that are going to be causing bigger issues if they're not dealt with regularly. So these are opportunities for you just to share those with your partner too.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the beauty of this is like the reconciliation as we go. So it's just keeping the slate clean, right, and in the past maybe there's been times when you felt hurt but you haven't really had opportunity to bring it up. Well, this might be an opportunity to just go. Yeah, I'm actually feeling disconnected from you because yesterday I kind of felt like you're ignoring me when I was talking to you and maybe I'm just realizing how much that's impacted me right now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely so. These are our daily check-ins a really simple, powerful tool, or ritual as michael calls them to bring that deeper connection and understanding of each other and to show that the relationship's prioritized. You're prioritizing each other and this space between you. So, if you feel that this would be helpful like michael said, we have that free resource that has all of the steps and the questions we would love to share that with you and I'd really encourage you to give it a go, even if you just try it for a week and say, hey, you know, I'd love to try this new thing I just heard on the podcast.

Speaker 2:

Let's give these check-ins a go and see how it goes, and, yeah, yeah, make sure you report back to us if you have some success or if it actually doesn't go so well. We'd love to hear from you as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and also just want to quickly mention that we do have a new Reconnected Union starting our 12-week couples program. That's been going really well. It's starting probably in about three more weeks four more weeks to go to the new intake. So if that's of interest at all, make sure you reach out and we can share a little bit more information about that.

Speaker 2:

All right, beautiful family. Thank you so much for listening once again and we'll catch you on the next episode.