Thrive Again - Your relationship podcast

Why Self-Alignment Matters Most: A Conversation With Melissa Thomson

• Michael & Amy • Season 1 • Episode 54

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What if the key to deeper relationships begins with your relationship to yourself? In this transformative conversation with heart-led mentor Melissa Thompson, we explore how intentionality and self-alignment form the foundation for authentic connection with others.

Drawing from over two decades in the wellbeing and transformation space, including founding and leading a Steiner School for ten years, Melissa shares practical wisdom about developing self-leadership in our rapidly changing world. Rather than offering abstract philosophies, she provides real-world experiences of how connecting to our authentic selves creates ripple effects in our partnerships, families, and communities.

For those feeling overwhelmed by busy schedules and endless responsibilities, Melissa offers surprisingly simple practices that take as little as sixty seconds. These micro-moments of self-connection aren't selfish indulgences—they're essential practices that enable us to show up fully in our relationships. As Melissa beautifully articulates, "When you truly are connected with yourself and in alignment, you are feeding everybody else."

One of the most powerful insights from our conversation challenges the myth that joy and suffering are mutually exclusive. We explore how multiple emotions can coexist within us simultaneously, and how acknowledging our full emotional landscape creates space for authentic connection. The frequency of joy brings lightness and spaciousness, even amid challenging circumstances—sometimes one partner's joy can be exactly what's needed when the other is experiencing sadness or grief.

Ready to transform your relationship from surviving to thriving? Listen now to discover practical ways to cultivate intentionality, alignment, and joy. Your journey to deeper connection starts with a single breath.

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Speaker 1:

1, 2, 3, 4 couples and singles who want to unlock their relationship potential and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful soul level. We share insights, client breakthroughs and personal stories to help move your relationship from surviving to thriving.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to another episode of Thrive Again, your relationship podcast. We've got a special guest on today and Melissa Thompson only a mentor, an amazing heart led leader. Melissa, you've been just an inspiring friend, you know that's. That's sort of been part of our lives for well over a decade now and it's just amazing to think of the ebbs and flows that all of us have been through on this journey, in this ride. And I guess I just wanted to really start with asking you a bit about, firstly, what it is that you're involved in now, like how you're actually influencing the world and the universe right now. And, yeah, just get a bit of a background of sort of how you've come to that point.

Speaker 3:

It'd be great to to learn a bit about you thank you, thanks for the invitation and yes, um, we've journeyed well over a decade probably closer to 14 years, I think which has been beautiful and I very much appreciate being here. Um, launching in, I guess, where I'm at at the moment in the world and in my work and offerings, is being really aware of the need for change and the development of our own self-leadership in the world, whether that's you know, you as an individual, within your partnership, within a family unit or within an organization or a team at work, because the world is rapidly transforming and it needs to, and we can be part of that consciously. And so developing self-leadership to me looks like, first of all, coming into alignment with yourself and your own soul and the truest expression of that, what wants to be expressed at this point in time now, because that changes and evolves as we change and evolve as human beings and through our different chapters and stories, that changes and evolves as we change and evolve as human beings and through our different chapters and stories. And then cultivating courageous expression to be able to authentically express that into the world, those different aspects, and essentially, to live out your purpose. So you know, for someone that will be being the best mum or dad that they can be and impacting their children and helping them become leaders for others.

Speaker 3:

As I said, that might be developing and transforming a culture in a workplace, or it could mean creating something completely new, a new business, a new system, a new way of operating in the world, and that's what I feel very passionate about and that's what I've seen happen and actually experienced. So I'm not speaking philosophically, I'm speaking from real world experience and what led me here to this moment now and to this work has been, you know, over 20 years of working within the wellbeing and transformation space in a variety of different roles, starting out as a fitness coach and having different businesses and coaching and counselling, and then into yoga and having different businesses along the way. But most sort of significantly over the last 10 years was founding, in collaboration with a team, a Steiner School here in our town on the Queensland coast and then leading it for 10 years through some really turbulent times, and the intention of that was to create a choice of education and diversity for our community and for our children, and what was required was was having a vision and seeing that vision brought to life through being of service, through goodwill, through a really solid intention which was, you know, to have something better for our children. That's what the driver was, and then witnessing and experiencing the drawing together of souls to make that happen was really profound and incredible. And then further to witness the staff members who got to experience and develop their own sense of self-leadership, the ones who were there long term.

Speaker 3:

I witnessed them create such incredible personal transformations and professional development through the collaboration of the way that we worked together, the way that we visioned, the way that we held each, the way that we vision, the way that we held each other in our humanness, including being accountable, including through the way we communicated, you know, bringing in restorative practices, understanding each other's temperaments. It was so rich and beautiful and it's been, yeah, incredibly impactful and is now sort of the heart and soul of, or the foundation of, my work, moving forward. So, yeah, and you guys were there at amy was definitely at the founding meeting of that school, so you've seen the journey yeah, and been part of it and then worked with us along the way.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, yeah, it's a beautiful experience to be under, you know, that environment and in that space of that creation. Yeah, it's incredible. And with that I'm curious to know, melissa, like obviously, the ups and downs of all of that journey and that experience of you know the last 10 years, plus you know all the other stuff before what is one thing I suppose that's kept you, um, being able to be in that space of, of that heart-led leadership, but also in that space of your authenticity through all of that good question because it was definitely challenged many, many, many times.

Speaker 3:

Um, because that was never a. The school was never set up with an intention for me to lead it. It was set up with the intention to hire someone to lead and through a series of events, yeah, I was called to be the leader and so there was a lot of imposter syndrome. Initially there was a lot of. You know, I had been in business and well-being and I was educating my own children and had studied, you know, a level of teaching. I'd worked in schools running personal development courses, but I was not a traditional educator and so who am I to be? You know, you think of a principal in a traditional sense.

Speaker 3:

I certainly was not that.

Speaker 3:

But I think in a way because I held so tightly to the intention of our school and we worked so hard on our values and becoming really clear from the get-go with the founding members about our values and they sense of freedom and love, and you know that underpinned everything that we ever did, whether it was a strategic plan and governance or, you know, charging through some of the times recently with mandates.

Speaker 3:

It didn't matter what level we operated at, we always came back to those values.

Speaker 3:

And I guess that comes back to intentionality.

Speaker 3:

And when you're really clear and you're tapping into and I suppose that's where the well-being experience comes in so significantly also is that the simple and practical daily experiences of tapping into your heart and being in alignment with who you are, when you lead from that place always in your life, whether it's just starting your day and designing, you know, your meal plan for the day for your family, or whether it's being clear about how you want to show up in your workplace.

Speaker 3:

Setting that intention from aligning first with yourself, is so powerful. And when we don't do that and we get in our heads, it's very easy to just become reactive and to kind of run with the day and what's thrown at us, but, yeah, that commitment to intentionality and alignment, you know, essentially that's connecting us into who we are. It helps us more easily to connect to others around us and into our role and, yeah, and and therefore be able to be more responsive to what's actually going on so in a school that looked like not just delivering a curriculum piece of content because it says so and we have to tick that box.

Speaker 3:

It's no, no. What are the children before us? What's this child needing right now? Today, actually, they all need to go down the beach and have an hour of free movement in nature. What a gift. Yeah, so we would, but you know, that's just an example from a school perspective and obviously that can come through into your own home and and, ideally, to your workplace.

Speaker 3:

Someone's needing not to tick off, do you know? Complete their to-do list and finish off more tasks. That actually will be more productive and it will be more beneficial to make time to connect in nature and ground and feel the sun on your skin and, even if it's 10 to 15 minutes kind of your lunch break outside, switch off, come back. You know you're lit up and ready to make things happen for the rest of the day and get things done or not. Surrender to the day, yeah, but being intentional with your needs and aligning with them as, first and foremost, that's what's seen me through the whole way, no matter what kind of day it was I love that, mel, and I just want to maybe speak into just a couple of key areas that I've seen.

Speaker 2:

Amy wrote some things down as well and I'm pretty much on point with those as well. Like you spoke about intentionality and alignment. So for the average person, they'll wake up in the morning maybe by their kids, right, because they're just like boom or alarm clock or something like that. They'll probably grab a coffee, get themselves sorted for the day. They may or may not see their partner if they're with somebody and then they're off normally to work or doing their duties at home or whatever needs to happen. How does someone tune into themselves and their own needs and therefore accessing their own alignment, to set themselves up intentionally, as you said, like how, when we've got mortgages and and all these stresses and tensions and and kids and like things going on, how does someone practically kind of do that is it. Do you have a process?

Speaker 3:

it makes me smile because, yeah, I'm with you. I'm a parent who I've been a solo mom for years. I have a mortgage, I have, you know, financial independence, um, full-time work, so I get it. I get the noise, I get the challenge. We also have a mini farm, so I also have dogs.

Speaker 3:

You know, in my bed and in my room, and I just said to amy this morning on our run, you know I'd started the day with a meditation and one dog starts scratching the other dogs, you know, interrupting and barking at something. So I'm like get out, no, no, come back in. And trying to manage that in the middle of a meditation. And I think for me it just you've just got to make it happen. You know, if you, if there, you can feel and see and know that there are changes that need to be made in your life, if you can really appreciate and and just commit to being intentional and the and the power of that in your day, if you can just accept that it's powerful and and experience it for yourself, then it's a matter of discipline and setting the alarm, and I know I've experienced the kids waking you up, but you know there's no time in the morning. So for me for many years it was well. I cannot have a morning routine. My kids are up at 4, 30 or 5. They were early risers always not now they're teenagers but my time would be night time. I'd put them to bed and the second they would go to bed that would be my time to meditate, to practice yoga, to whatever it was that filled up my cup and that was a commitment every night. Until that was a habit and when there were times that they weren't with me, maybe it would be in the morning instead, if I prefer that. Or, you know, you'd find a snippet in the day.

Speaker 3:

Like I said, if you're in a busy work day and you're up and off and running and all of a sudden you realize you've missed, missed that practice or missed that intention, rather than beating yourself up or even letting it slide for the entire day, like, catch it and just make that commitment. If it's only one minute, if it's 60 seconds of breathing, if it's, you know, walking outside taking your shoes off and standing on the ground and just taking a few breaths to be present on the earth, if it's, you know, like it's that simple really, and anybody, no matter what you're experiencing, can do that. You can be in a crowded room, you can close your eyes, you can touch your first finger and thumb together. That's called a gyan mudra.

Speaker 3:

I really love that one if I'm feeling really busy or sometimes overwhelmed, or even getting a wave of grief, you know, if there can be big emotions that come up and that's just a nice touching first finger and thumb together with a bit of pressure and you can be standing anywhere and just do that with your hand by your side. You could be sitting and rest them in your lap and just take a few deep breaths, you know, drown out the noise and just make the intention to come into your own heart and to what's going on in your inner world. So, yeah, that can be any time of day and you can make excuses, but really it takes discipline and a commitment to making change and actually just making it happen and it doesn't have to be.

Speaker 3:

Another thing and I think that's what stops people is even from, you know, doing a yoga practice or going for a walk, or doing a workout when, or a meditation. If it feels like another thing to do on the list, it can be overwhelming and it just never gets done. So it's taking off that pressure of the way things need to look or should look or how much time it should be. If all you can do is one minute, that is better than no minutes. If you can do five minutes like start with that, just start with something and build it, and often when you've got a really full schedule and a full life.

Speaker 3:

I find it the same with nutrition. Actually, you know there's that approach of cutting out all the bad stuff, but actually sometimes it's more powerful to just increase the good stuff and even if that's just incrementally and you're increasing and creating those good new habits like add more veggies to your dinner plate, add, you know, some spinach in your breakfast or whatever it might be, it'll slowly start to decrease, naturally, the bad stuff. So just start, commit, do something, a few breaths, and then you can go into all kinds of different breath practices and you know um yeah, I love that and I think I love the simplicity of how you explain that with.

Speaker 2:

It can just take 60 seconds or a minute. And I just transported myself back to when I was a paramedic and sitting in the ambulance on my own after a big job and I remember just there were times when it was almost like a circuit breaker that I chose to drop into to change the current feeling that I had inside of myself. And yeah, it was literally that. It was literally just closing my eyes and taking some breaths that were conscious that was it just for two minutes. I'll just do that and it would change the way that I turn up to the next person I come in to. You know, that comes into my sphere and I think about this in relationships and how so many people that we work with serve everything outside of them first and the ramifications of that for that individual.

Speaker 2:

Because for me, my experience is that maybe I have this program that I've been working through for many years, which is like, as long as I serve everybody else first, then I will have a sense of belonging and acceptance and love. And so there's this habitual force of me just looking outwards at what needs to be done. What, like? The kids need to be fed, um, amy needs to be happy, so, um, for me to go and disappear for a 60 second or a 15 minute walk, I'm thinking about the impact that that might have on the family or on her, so I just go. No, I'm not going to worry about doing it, I'll just stay here and I'll do my duty. This is my duty. I'll just be this person constantly abandoning myself in the process in micro moments. So what you've said sounds like an antidote to that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, so I love the power of that yeah, 100, and I think that's, you know, important to tie back into the relationship space, because you know our audience is um here to, to improve that, because we, we preach that too, don't we in our, in our couples, with every couple, we're like um a practice of stillness, or a practice of um time for self, or a practice of something to fill up your own cup because, um, like you said, melissa, like we're busy, we've got a million other things to do that we're constantly chasing our tail on, but when we're serving or where we're living from a cup that's drained and depleted um, which I'm sure, in your role, in your in the past, you've experienced that too

Speaker 1:

because you've had so much to feel, fulfill and and to do in the busyness of life that I'm sure we've all experienced that in some capacity to be completely, you know, on zero and empty. But I love the intentionality and the discipline and the commitment. Right, that's what I got from what you were just sharing and the importance of that.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, and when you don't, the effect of not doing that and not honouring that need for self-time in the pursuit of making everybody else happy and meeting everybody else's needs looks like burnout.

Speaker 3:

It looks like disconnection, because it all comes back to self, and I don't mean this in a selfish way. I think self-care gets thrown around in this day and age in a way that actually is a bit selfish. You know some. I don't know if that makes sense, but yeah, self-care can feel selfish and I guess what I'm getting to when I speak about self-care is what we've just discussed is it's actually coming back to connecting with yourself, in caring enough for yourself, your family and everyone that you're serving to really know and understand that when you truly are connected with yourself and in alignment, you are feeding everybody else, you are meeting everyone's needs because you are more in connecting to yourself and aligning truly with who you are, so much wisdom emerges from that space. You're constantly you'll get feedback immediately from your inner world about. You know, when you really connect in, you feel tension in your body. You feel where there's pain or heat or some kind of tension that's giving you feedback and telling you something's out of alignment here. Or maybe you know this needs to be looked at or this needs more care and support. Or when you start listening into your heart and there's hurt in your heart, you might be masking it and, just, you know, keeping your days busy and serving everyone, because actually your heart's really hurting and the longer you go on without addressing something there or maybe you've got a deep-seated grief or a sadness and you're not giving yourself space to just be with it and express it like that all erodes you and it erodes then.

Speaker 3:

It's sort of the the macrocosm and the microcosm. You know, we, our world around us reflects us and so if we are disconnected from ourselves, there's going to be disconnect in our relationships because you can't really have true connection with others and be really heartfully doing things in service to others when you're not, when you're not really doing that for yourself. It's like a leaky bucket metaphor. When your energy is not really shored up, it's just leaking out and you might be delivering from and meeting the world from this heart, open arm gesture of I'm in service to you. But when all that energy is actually leaking out, you're not really showing up in your fullest power and people need you and benefit more from you when you are in your fullness.

Speaker 3:

And that doesn't mean disconnecting from people and going away and less time from people. It just means more awareness of you and who you are and what your role is right now and and what you can give as a human being, not even just in your role, but as a human like how beautiful, michael, that in those moments of being a paramedic you were able to ground a line and then I've witnessed you showing up for people in that space and it was moving. We've had that experience of you, in your groundedness, being the most heartfelt, calming, beautiful person to help, you know, in a really awful situation, us feel safe and calm. And you know, yes, you were doing that to be better in your role and more present in your role, but it was also just you as a human being exuding that strength and calm and protection and safety for others, and you were able to do that because you stopped and checked in. It's very different experience when you're with the paramedic.

Speaker 3:

You use the same example who's not done that, and they're flustered and in their mind and there's no really even awareness of what we need as humans.

Speaker 1:

They're hurting watching someone in pain yeah, I want to tie that back to relationships because what I could just picture there is. It's such a misconception, I think, in life, in society, in our programming that, um, you know, like michael was saying, like we have to just give our energy out to everybody else, um, but when we come back to ourself and we're in that place of groundedness, presence, love for self and and using that um space to be able to then connect with your partner, you know there's such a difference, like you, uh, translating that to the paramedic situation, you know you imagine your partner who is able to be there with you, present, caring for you, listening to you. You know, um, as opposed to someone who's in their head, busy. Oh yeah, what do you want? Come on, let's just get going cracking on.

Speaker 1:

What are you thinking? You know how's that relationship to the other? You know, version of a relationship, they're completely different and ultimately it comes back to you, to where you are, intentional, where you are, you know, showing up for yourself in alignments by doing those little practices that you mentioned. It doesn't we don't need to reinvent the whole day and life and you know, program, it's simple things. It's simple things of like what, what brings me joy, what fills up my cup, what? How can I look after myself so then I can show up better for this relationship or or this situation that you're in.

Speaker 3:

So yeah, absolutely. Something that just came to mind was the I can't remember who said it, but it's that the big rocks and the little rock theory. So I think there's a professor in a university and started putting rocks into the jars like the big rocks, you know that one and then filling in the little rocks, and then they thought it was full, and then they put sand in and it's still not quite full, and then he pours water in and anyway, the metaphor was about when, when, like, life is going to be filled up with so many things, but those big rocks that take up the most space, like, what are your big rocks? And that comes back to your values and what's really important to you, what speaks to your soul, what comes's really important to you, what speaks to your soul, what comes from you? Because when you fill up your jar, when you fill up your cup with the big rocks first and make them a priority in your day, in your week, you have so much more capacity for sharing that, with sharing the best of yourself with your loved ones, the very best of yourself, because you're fulfilled and you haven't had all this space taken up by the sand and the dirt and the all the other little things that aren't, they're not significant. So what gives you the most joy, what's most significant to you in your life? And really looking at your day and saying, well, where can I carve out that time? Because the truth is, and the reality is, we create our world, we create our life, and that can be hard to comprehend, especially when there's challenging stuff, when there's really things that feel out of our control or that, of course, we would never want to create.

Speaker 3:

I understand that, as a soul, we are here to have an experience and kind of collect the wisdom from those experiences and keep growing or not. That's our choice. Experience and kind of collect the wisdom from those experiences and keep growing or not, that's our choice. So when you're choosing you, how, what you want to carve into your days, and you know so for me, like I know that, if I exercise and I'm at this point in my life where my kids are older I could never leave the house when they were little, they were too little and I didn't feel comfortable going for a run or, you know, working out without them. So I'd do yoga at home or that, like I said, I'd do it at night, when they were asleep, that was my time. And then it changes and shifts, as life changes and shifts and and their needs change and shift. But I would always make it a priority to do it somewhere in the day. And now, you know, at this point in time it's like, well, exercising first thing in the morning. That feels best for me at this stage of my life. So I'm going to always make sure that every day I'm doing something.

Speaker 3:

Um, you know, if it's with your children, like what's so important about the way you connect with your kids? Well, we know that family time works really well after dinner and we'll play some board games or connect that way, rather than just letting them flick on the telly and, you know, getting lost in the sand and the dirt and the the meaningless stuff. Or maybe you love watching movies together and that's how you connect, and so then you'll factor that into your week. Like it's different for everyone, but it's just about getting clear on what actually fills you up on your own and and then in your roles, whether that's with a partner, with a family, in your workplace, and how do you make that happen yeah, and and I I do.

Speaker 2:

I love everything that you're sharing here on on the on the joy aspect of things and accessing that and being in alignment so you can turn up with emotional availability for everyone you know with, with, not not so that you can just pour all your energy out to everyone, but rather that you can be present with them and with yourself at the same time, simultaneously, so that you can be present with this world, because it's flying by like it's crazy how fast it seems time is just flying by and um, I wanted to ask you a bit about the flip side, in terms of joy and happiness and um fulfillment and all of that stuff.

Speaker 2:

Like could it be that some people, or most of us, actually need to go through the darkness, ie process certain wounds or experiences that we've had that really haven't been resolved, like things that involve sadness and anger and maybe even some shame and guilt and things like that in our lives, in order to re-emerge with joy? Because I'm sure that I mean, I've witnessed that with some people but I want to know from you and your experience, maybe even in your personal life, have you had to go through the depths of the darkness in order to re-emerge, as in the essence, that you are right now.

Speaker 3:

I've been perfect the whole way along.

Speaker 2:

Okay, all right. So that's the end of that question, you're amazing.

Speaker 3:

It's just joy filled all the time, don't you know Absolutely, but what's coming in strong is just that reminder that joy and, uh, it doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. That was a really key learning for me as a as an individual experiencing some therapy and to get some help when I was going through a relationship separation, um, a long time ago. Also, just discovering more of who I am in that inner world, that really basic practice of getting to know what's going on internally helped me to become aware and actually have that experience. That shame and guilt and joy and, you know, sadness and excitement and anticipation that can all exist simultaneously within us. And so where people get really stuck or challenged or bogged down in a difficult experience is when it's all encompassing. So if you're feeling anger, but it's like I am angry and you know it's almost like an identifying statement and or I'm ashamed or I'm, you know, feeling guilty, whatever it is, it's like that's all encompassing and there's, you feel like that it's, you're all completely angry, every aspect of your being, but it's not. If you really drill down into that, you know then and you just feel and become aware, then you can be, you can, of course, you can have anger, you can have shame, all these things can exist, but you can still experience joy. And when you understand that and you you can intentionally cultivate that and create space for that in your life, that's really powerful. It feels very empowering, it brings a lightness and it helps support connections, even through really hard times. And so I don't say this lightly.

Speaker 3:

I've experienced, you know, loss multiple times deep grief of losing my dad, witnessing him through an awful illness where he suffered a lot. It was very traumatic. At the same time, managing, you know, our school through the mandate crisis and legal things going on, like it was the most high level stress environment, plus dealing with grief, um, plus a lot of anger, plus a lot of frustration, plus a lot of aloneness, like all the big feelings all at once. And and, of course, there are times in life where you feel overcome by grief or overcome by anger or overcome by shame. You know we all have those feelings. So that's the first thing to know you're not alone in, yeah, having something to feel guilty or ashamed of, or, and and yes, the more you can become aware of your own stuff and work through it and face it and acknowledge it and give it space to exist. You don't have to share it with everybody, but finding a way whether that needs help and support from somebody to do that, or whether it's just you finding peace with all these different aspects of yourself. When you do that and you're more willing to turn your attention to that and shine light on it, then there's more space and opportunity to feel and experience more lightness, more joy, and you can cultivate it.

Speaker 3:

You can create opportunities of joy even if you're not feeling it. It might be superficial at first but, um, it's like a practice. It's like communication. You know, some people, a lot of people, are not very good at communicating or listening really actively listening to each other, and that's something you know is just a game changer in a relationship. And the same with joy. You know, if you've been in a space that's dark or there's just no joy or lightness in yourself or between you or in your surrounds, you know you can feel empowered, that you can change that, you can cultivate it. But it's got to start with connection to yourself and and bringing back, coming back to that alignment, that intentionality, yeah, and then anything's possible and and when you can bring joy in, it actually transforms situations, it creates space. You know, in a workplace it looks like creating something ridiculous, like it's a lot and when you can bring joy in, it actually transforms situations. It creates space. You know, in a workplace it looks like creating something ridiculous.

Speaker 3:

It's a lot more productivity, creativity, you know, when people feel joyful, there's space for inspiration to come through. Same with feeling safe, you know, and people feel safe when they're able to express who they are and be seen and acknowledged for who they are, just as they are.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think in the workplace I see this so much. You just walk into a business and you can tell, like if those staff members are happy, if they're actually like truthfully joyful or whether they're just putting on a front. But when you see that these employees are there and they want to be there, I know maybe it's, it's rare, but when you see it it's palpable like you can tell and so the energy of joy that perhaps the, the business owner or the manager has brought into that space.

Speaker 2:

It ripples out right like we can actually experience the ripple effect of someone being in that state of of mind and and that being I, I guess I want to ask a bit about the, the joy in terms of like things that could could possibly block joy in terms of like beliefs that might get in the way. Like I know, for me there's been times when I almost feel guilty for being happy because I see someone suffering and I don't know. Have either of you experienced that? Is that something that has then led I allowed that to affect your own kind of energy state, you know, because of that, and is that something that we should just override and go?

Speaker 2:

no, I should just be like, express how I feel, and I get that that I need to be considerate of that person over there. So I'm not going to be an idiot about it and be overwhelming and in your face, but I'm still over here feeling me and being me.

Speaker 3:

Is that?

Speaker 2:

something that would be a practice like that you would implement or do?

Speaker 3:

Is that something that you do as you were speaking it through? There are a couple of instances coming to mind as an example, and one I think you're talking about a couple of different things in there, if we unpacked it, and one is feeling empathetic. So when you're, when you have empathy and you're experiencing people around you and their moods and their circumstances, and you know, something that came up was even just recently, with all those horrendous floods inland and I remember it was I was just about to put out.

Speaker 3:

I think it was actually my joy, course you know, and so here I am spouting about joy and and kind of getting ready to launch that into the world, and then there's this devastation and I it made me really sit with exactly what, saying like oh, who am I? How can I possibly be putting this out there when there's so much and I mean that's going on all the time? There's wars, there's all kinds of awful, horrid things that go on in the world, everywhere every day, and so there's having empathy and and being able to relate to what's going on, and then I personally think it's how you bring it into your related, you know how you relate into it, how you acknowledge it, isn't it? Because when we acknowledge, there's a lot of power in just acknowledging what's going on and how things are and that's okay, it's not okay, it's not okay. It was awful and devastating, but it's, you know, you can acknowledge that this is happening and also, simultaneously, I feel so sad and devastated for them, like that's horrible and I don't really know how to come to grips with that in my being.

Speaker 3:

And also I'm also, when I turn into my own life, I'm excited about this next chapter for me and my family and what's going on here, and that's okay because this is coming back to that things existing simultaneously and but I think maybe empathy yeah, you know there's very people who are very sensitive. Sometimes it's easy to lose that boundary of self and kind of go so much into the other and into the devastation and into the loss that you kind of lose that sense of there can be many things that exist simultaneously within us at any time, right?

Speaker 2:

so someone that has a lot of empathy can actually get lost into that whole the sadness of some experience to the point where it actually affects them. And then I would also say, on the other end of the spectrum, for somebody who has the inability to to really validate or acknowledge an experience or something that someone's going through will have like a shallow, um, or even an ignorant sort of way of of of approaching that situation and just like be themselves but in a way that doesn't acknowledge right totally and that's.

Speaker 3:

It's the acknowledgement, I think I think when you can and same in a relationship right or in a partnership in a workplace, if some, if there's some sort of conflict or some sort of issue or scenario and everyone's kind of turning away from it, well there's no acknowledgement of it. It just creates distance, it creates disconnect, it creates confusion even, and like who are you? Yeah, distance, I guess, and disconnect.

Speaker 2:

Distance yeah.

Speaker 3:

So the acknowledgement is so powerful. And again, it starts with self. When you have a practice of coming quiet to your breath, acknowledging the breath moving in and out of the body. If you go deeper with that and you acknowledge what's going on in my body where is the heat, where is the tension, where is the pain, what's going on in my heart, what am I feeling? What kind of thoughts am I thinking you just become that observer. It stops you having that all-encompassing feeling. It helps you observe what's going on in your inner world.

Speaker 3:

And when you acknowledge it and go oh, that's interesting, I've got some pain over here, I'm feeling a bit sick. Oh, I think that's anxiety about this thing I've got to do. But my heart, yeah, okay, there's a bit of sadness there there, but I'm actually feeling a bit excited about this thing and my mind on my mind's pretty busy. Today I'm actually finding it hard to focus on this, but that's good to know. Maybe I'll take a few extra breaths or go and have a chamomile tea or something you know, or I'll be aware of that when I'm interacting with my child or my husband. Later.

Speaker 1:

When you can acknowledge yourself, you're more easily able to have that practice extend out to acknowledge others oh, so powerful yeah yeah, it definitely comes back to self, because I was just reflecting back on what you guys were sharing there about like um, bringing into the relationship space for our audience, I suppose, um, but you know, like we can see the devastation outside, we can see things going on outside, um, the our community, our, our environment and, yes, we can acknowledge it. But I feel like that we had an experience with our relationship that I'd like to share with that, with our audience, and that's like you were in this space just recently of of suffering and pain and sadness about your dad and and what he's going through and his journey, and of course I I experience that with you and I acknowledge that with you. But there was also this other side where I was not I was. I was feeling good, like I was feeling joyful, I was feeling happy, I was feeling like positive, I was in a in a good space. So I think in relationships as well, we can also be drawn into each other's experience or feelings. But if we're not able to express or share or acknowledge the each other's experience at that time and, like I said, we can still be simultaneously happening, you know, like my joy, my happiness, my excitement can simultaneously be going on with your sadness, your grief, your, your pain.

Speaker 1:

But it's the sharing of that that's important, to be able to, like you said, first of all, tune into what that is for you and um and share that, because I feel like that's a missing piece in relationships, is that we? We see it. Oh, you know, michael's feeling seems like this and I don't, I don't acknowledge it, I don't speak into it, I don't like. You know, I think a lot of our couples we work with just continue on their path and they're oh, he must be in a bad mood or he must be upset about something. I'm just going to cruise along here and not, not, not speak to it, not not like, hey, I can see that you're upset, or you know, and sharing and validating each other's worlds is going to help that connection.

Speaker 1:

It's not going to. You know, obviously we were talking about the disconnect that that can cause, but it brings it back together again.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I've got to say like your joy in those moments when I was experiencing sadness was actually the gift that I needed. Yeah, so it's interesting to explore that because one might assume that if someone's happy when I'm sad, like that can be ignorant and that can be, you know, can create separation. It actually created connection because at a time when I was maybe down, you had more space and emotional availability to help me by just being with me.

Speaker 2:

Like there wasn't much for you to do other than. Oh, I'm really liking the relief you're giving me. For some reason I can't really put words on it, but I'm just happy that both of us aren't in this, in the depth of this, yeah, yeah and I think that's quite rare, isn't it, you know?

Speaker 1:

like with being able to um go into that you know, because I think it would be an avoidant of that. You know, in most relationships we're like oh, I don't want to go there, I'm staying back here because that that seems too unfamiliar or scary, so I'll just continue on my path. But that just you know. Over time we used to do that you know just avoid each other and avoid each other and disconnect, and disconnect and then all of a sudden they're like who are you? Yeah?

Speaker 3:

or you assume I'm like I remember with my ex-husband. You'd assume that I see him in a bad mood or down, or you know, closed in. It's like, okay, he just needs space, needs to be in his man cave, so I'll leave him alone.

Speaker 2:

I'll stay way over here yeah, yeah, those assumptions right, yeah, yeah, and if you, if you check in, then you might find out more information or more data of what he needs.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, um, but just coming back, it was so powerful. I'm so glad you brought that in because what you've expressed is the frequency of joy. Like joy has a vibrate, every emotion has a vibration or a frequency. So if you can relate to fear and guilt and shame and you know them being really low down and their dense, heavy energies, I'm not saying that they're bad. We're all human and we all experience those emotions and I think that there's a bit of a stigma around that. In the kind of spiritual world that you know. They're all to teach us something. It's all an experience, it's all valid and we shouldn't push it away. We just need to meet it and put light on it and find a way to work with it. But as you kind of move up the scale, the frequency and the actual energy of joy is lightness. It's super light and so what it does you hit.

Speaker 3:

You hit it on the head, michael, when you said that amy, amy, being joyful created space for you. It actually brings a sense of spaciousness and that's why it's such a powerful tool. You know, even in the crappiest days of burnout, grief, sadness, to walk into a workplace and intentionally bring joy and lift other people up. You know it just changes things. It shifts it, even if it feels a bit superficial initially. The ripple out to everybody else around you, whether that's in your family, at your work, just your partner. Yeah, it's really powerful. So I love what you shared was so beautiful. I hope all the couples listening here will really breathe into that one, because that's very powerful. But it took checking in to acknowledge it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's a tune into yourself, a tune into the relationship itself and yeah, it's coming back to that intentionality. I think it all links back through, doesn't?

Speaker 2:

it. Yeah, well, I One more question. Do you have another question?

Speaker 1:

yeah, have one more before we finish up. I would like to get. What was that question? Yeah, there was like there was one question that I have for you, melissa, before we we wrap up and what's. I don't know if it's even there, but what's? What's some ways that you can be intentionally joyful in your day, even if you're not feeling it. What are some practical ways our listeners can maybe take away and go? I'm just going to try that, even if I'm not feeling great. What examples do you have for us?

Speaker 3:

So initially you might think what's joyful, you know, slapping a smile on your face. Well, actually that is one. You can actually just fake it till you make it and smile and it kind of sends signals to your brain that say, hey, I'm smiling and help you feel better. It comes first to breath. So, as we spoke about in the beginning, the breath is so powerful and you know the same your breathwork facilitator, creating that space and acknowledging the breath and guiding the breath in nice and slow evening out. You know the left and right hemispheres of your brain. So physiologically, you're getting changes just by slowing your breathing down and becoming intentional, and in doing that it changes your state and creates more opportunity for joy.

Speaker 3:

So we're talking about foundations of joy here. You know, of course, if there's something you love to do we're coming back to the big rocks what makes you feel good. Prioritize them in your day, in your week. Make sure you love going to the beach. Make it happen. You love travel that's high on your values list. Book a holiday, like actually take steps to get something happening. You love going out to dinner or yummy food, like whatever it looks like in your own personal life. Carve it into your day and your week and make it happen, and stop making excuses for that. Stop saying there's not enough time, I'm too busy, there's too much on, because you are the creator of your life and the sooner you become empowered in knowing that, then you're able to take inspired action.

Speaker 3:

So start with the breath, because that's what helps to be present, to watch what's the feedback your body giving you. What do you need From there? It might be walk out into the sunshine. I've been taught to be so scared of the sun. Go and actually just stand in the sun and feel it on your skin for a few minutes and see how you feel. It activates you, it energizes you.

Speaker 3:

Um, get in nature. Nature speaks directly to our hearts. It has a frequency of its own, you know. Put your bare feet on the earth. This is not hippie talk. This is how we, how we are meant to be in the world. Like. How we are meant to be in the world, like be in nature. Yeah, if you love animals, spend time with your animals, hug your dog, take it for a walk. If you can't bring yourself, if you can't find happiness in yourself, then do what you can to make someone else happy and then feel the uplift from seeing their joy and their smile, like, if you really can't bring yourself to doing anything nice for yourself, start with doing something for someone else. There's yeah, it's going to look different for everybody, because we're all unique individuals and different things make us happy.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so true, and there's like short-term things and longer-term things that you spoke into there. But then I also love the being of service, like if you don't know and you can't serve yourself. You find it so hard going like volunteer in the charity or something that actually fills your heart up.

Speaker 2:

We are actually feeling like you're stepping into purpose and service. So I think that's for us like when we're out of alignment, especially with that business, we always come back to, okay, cool, how can I serve better? Like, how can I just turn up better for people right now? Yeah, and if we ask that question and often that's free, you know it doesn't matter, like it's not in. In essence, what happens is it just pays us back two, threefold because we just remember that we are of service as humans. That's probably, for me, like the highest vibration is like when we can be of service, and that doesn't mean putting our energy out to everyone and depleting ourselves. No, it just means tapping into our innate potential and utilizing that to be of service, even if that's in the workplace, even if that's just in your day-to-day existence.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, In your relationship.

Speaker 2:

In your relationship.

Speaker 1:

Beautiful. What a conversation. Thank you so much, Melissa. How do people find you and maybe if you want to share a little bit about your joy course.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, sure, so you can go to my website, melissateelive. I've also got a podcast called the heart led leader and um. I love sharing, yeah, inspiration on that. Uh, and there's a course joy is medicine. It's an online short course.

Speaker 3:

It's only 27, it's designed to be accessible, which um is a space to kind of tap into the foundations of joy, so it's really bite-sized modules um just eight little short heart, led videos and optional worksheets and really to meet you at any stage, regardless of where you're at, just to help you connect back into those foundations of joy, some of which we've talked about today.

Speaker 1:

Beautiful. So if there's anyone out there that feels that maybe they would need a little reboot in the joy space, then I think it's such a perfect opportunity to jump on that course, because I can imagine it's amazing. Yeah, thank you so much. It's been such a perfect opportunity to jump on that course, because I can imagine it's amazing. Yeah, thank you so much. It's been such a yeah privilege to have you on our show and, um, yeah, I love you lots.

Speaker 3:

I love you too, appreciate you guys and honoring you for the way that you show up and the vulnerability that you speak with to share your stories and your personal transformation as individuals and as a couple. It's so inspiring to witness. Yeah, thank you. Lots of love and respect.

Speaker 2:

Thanks, melissa, we love you so much.