Thrive Again - Your relationship podcast

3 Ways to Revive the Spark Before It’s Too Late

• Michael & Amy • Season 1 • Episode 63

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Have you and your partner drifted into feeling more like roommates than lovers? You're not alone. That feeling of disconnection—where conversations revolve around logistics rather than love—can creep into even the strongest relationships.

In this heartfelt episode, we open up about our own journey through the "roommate phase" and how it nearly derailed our marriage. We share the painful reality of feeling isolated despite sharing a home, the resentment that built as Michael retreated into work while Amy shouldered parenting responsibilities, and the loneliness that grew in the silence between us. These personal stories set the foundation for understanding how easily couples can drift apart when overwhelmed by life's demands.

The heart of this episode focuses on three transformative rituals that helped us reconnect on a deeper level. We break down the daily check-in ritual that takes just five minutes but creates profound connection, the weekly adventure ritual that breaks monotonous routines with simple novelty, and the intimacy ritual that rebuilds physical closeness without pressure. These practices aren't time-consuming or complicated—they're designed for real couples with busy lives who want to prioritize their relationship before it's too late.

What makes these rituals work? They address the fundamental human needs for emotional safety, novelty, and physical connection that often get neglected when we're in survival mode. By intentionally creating space for these experiences, couples can break out of relationship autopilot and remember why they chose each other in the first place. Ready to revive your connection? Try just one of these rituals this week and notice how it shifts the energy between you. Your relationship deserves this investment, and you might be closer to the loving partnership you desire than you realize.

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Speaker 1:

1, 2, 3, 4 couples and singles who want to unlock their relationship potential and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful soul level. We share insights, client breakthroughs and personal stories to help move your relationship from surviving to thriving. Welcome everyone to another episode of Thrive Again, your relationship podcast. It is a lovely spring day here and we're back sharing another episode with you all. I hope you're having a good day or night, wherever you are.

Speaker 2:

Whatever you're doing, we're going to dive into three ways to revive the spark before it's too late. That's what we're doing today.

Speaker 1:

That is what we're doing, because you probably may have seen you may not have seen we've been sharing a lot about moving out of this roommate phase back into the lovers doing workshops out in person and also online. So this is very relevant, mostly because we were stuck in this roommate phase for a long time, and we're going to be sharing three ways that we have created more connection and more of the lover's energy in our relationship, which didn't exist for many years, did it?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, there was a lot of pressure. That's what I felt. I felt pressure to perform in my role and I also felt like there was inadequacy in how I was fulfilling that role. Sometimes and that was in the parenting space I felt like you would take charge of a lot of that area and then I couldn't quite get in there, or maybe you didn't trust me at different areas. So I just decided well, I know what I can do and that's. I can work right. I can work hard.

Speaker 2:

I can focus my energy and attention where yeah it's, it feels more valued and, um, yeah, and unfortunately that sort of yeah just left a gap between you and I too. Um, but yeah, for me I felt like I was then isolated a bit alone. Um, yeah, I would look for outlets through my mates and, yeah, other unhealthy ways to to sort of curb that feeling, which wasn't great, but I didn't want to face it and that's that's that. We really were just kind of mates, you know, kind of the same room, and we weren't really experiencing love and and vitality in in the energy between us anymore, and I was kind of scared of looking at it, so I didn't. So I sort of looked away and I remember, um, yeah, kind of how stuck that felt, how alone I felt in that I didn't think I could even share it with you.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, yep that's coming to mind for me yeah, I think, for for me, when we were in that deep in their trenches of the roommate phase which quickly went even downhill, worse, I think we got um, there was a lot of resentment and anger and frustration between the two of us because we weren't able to communicate, we didn't have really much time for each other. The kids were little, taking up any spare time and energy that we had, and we felt that we had this ideal role like ideology ideology is that the word of like what good parents should look like. So we were almost trying too hard. That's what I felt like. Anyway, we were trying so hard to be good parents and you know, you were continuing on your work and I was just the stay-at-home mom and we kind of forgot to spend time for us. Can I create that connection and energy between the two of us? Not always on everything else and everyone else apart from us. So, um, yeah, it was. Um.

Speaker 1:

You mentioned that you were lonely. There was definitely loneliness for me. Um, I think I felt that you could go off to work and do your thing and I just was here all on my own, some, and not able to really share or speak to anybody, apart from two little kids that were under two, and it was pretty chaotic for me in those times too. But these three rituals that we're going to share with you are really simple, because we know what it's like out there. We know how stressed and busy and time poor people are, and we don't want to add extra pressure or stress. We want real ways for you to start to bring back this energy of connection and togetherness, and not just ships in the night roommates, you know, speaking kindly but only barely and talking about the logistics yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So that word logistics comes to mind and and this is the majority of relationships that we that come into our office is those that have remained focused on logistics and not love. Focus on logistics and not love. So, yeah, just consider that of course, logistics are needed, but if there's no space for love and care and attentiveness and pleasure and fun and desire, then it's going backwards, like because you're not nurturing that side of the relationship. Yeah, you, you could be in the comfort zone, but we're just going to help, give you some guidance about how to come out of that comfort zone and just into a zone that takes a little more courage and a bit more boldness and some action and some change. But once you start the routine, if you initiate it, then, if it's done correctly, like this can really be the turning point for you and your relationship. So if this is what you want you want depth in your relationship again then just listen to these three things. We're going to start with the first one and it's one of our favorites.

Speaker 1:

It is, and I think we've done a whole episode on this, but we'll just quickly mention it and, if you can, maybe have a look at the episode before. But the daily check-in is so powerful, a daily check-in between two people, not talking logistics, this is not like what to pick up from school, from the shops on your way home, and what time the kids finish school. And this daily check-in is five minutes together, no phones, just eye contact, and where a space that you can create, where each partner shares maybe what's on their mind today, what's been bothering them, what's something that I can do to support you, what's maybe even appreciation that you can share with your partner and what you need in that moment.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, this is an opportunity to actually just cut through the surface layer and if you know that it's coming like it's just a regular event every day at I don't know 6 pm, like we do this ritual, like we do this ritual, then after a while it ends up becoming a actually like a great little exploratory process where we exclude the entire world and just focus on the two of us and hands down. This has been the most transformational experience for so many couples that we've worked with, if done correctly and if done consistently yeah, we can even got a free pdf.

Speaker 1:

If you wanted to send us a message, we can share the pdf of the check-in process and how that works. But essentially it's just prioritizing each other for five minutes and really being present and with each other for that, for that time. So that check-in is so simple that you may just think, oh, what's the point? That's not going to help. But I encourage you to try it and continue on that um practice, whether it's before bed, whether it's first thing in the morning, make it a habit and, yeah, it will really shift the energy from from logistics to emotional intimacy yeah, cool, all right, the first one's down, and I think that that this one, just it, just like I can't highlight it enough if, if this is done consistently, this can change everything.

Speaker 2:

So number two. So the second one is the weekly adventure. Now, some people might have barriers to the thought of having an adventure together, and some of those barriers might be we don't have time together, we have to look after kids, we've got other responsibilities. How can we ever make this happen? And I get it right because, yeah, we've got our own barriers as well.

Speaker 2:

But if there's something that just breaks the routine, at the very least that you guys can commit to, even if it's just on a Tuesday night, instead of us just zoning out after we've done all the jobs and we've come home from work, can we just make this a night where we just listen to music and we just sit together? Can we cook a meal together on a Thursday night? Maybe we can even, like, put the music on and have a bit of a dance in the lounge, just something that breaks the monotony and adds novelty. It often changes the nervous system out of autopilot and the expectation of what Tuesday night looks like. Right, we're looking to shake things up, and it also reminds you that you're not just co-managers of life. You actually share a loving partnership together that may have just been forgotten with the piles of crap and responsibility that sits on top of it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, this is a good one, because even I've been noticing actually getting stuck in to the routine and the structure and all the kids do this on this night and then we've got to get this dinner early on this night because they've got to do this, and then we've got our call on this night.

Speaker 1:

Like it just gets so mundane and it does. It gets boring, I guess, and you feel like you're a little bit on a rat race. But if you can just be a little bit more playful and spontaneous on one night, I think for you and I the things that we like to do is maybe, yeah, sit outside and have a fire just to get out of the watching the tv or on our phones or, you know, sometimes even grabbing the cards and having a game of cards, just even for half an hour. That alone will help just drop the routine and bring in some novelty, bring in some change to the everyday and remember oh yeah, actually I do enjoy your company, I do want to be with you. It's not just, um, you know, just ticking along off, ticking the boxes off and continuing on.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, perfect, all right. The third one the intimacy ritual. So this is really based on a lot of work from sexologists that we've actually followed, and also some famous sexologists as well. I'm trying to think of her name, Karen. I'm trying to think of her surname, it. I'm trying to think of her surname doesn't matter, it'll come to me but she speaks about setting aside intentional time for closeness, for physical closeness.

Speaker 2:

That isn't just about sex. That's karen gurney that's come to mind. So we're talking about being together physically but excluding the sex. So, literally, make it a deal that there isn't any sex here, but we just want closeness. So, yeah, it's an opportunity for touch, for, yeah, just snuggling up on the couch, maybe just lying down, holding each other in bed, or simply just a long hug, right, and this is, yeah, just a great way to reset the body's sense of safety and belonging, and, and what we've seen is that something as simple as this can start to slowly make intimacy natural again. It can kind of bring this effortless flow of closeness and connection without the barrier of yeah, just like worrying about is this going to escalate to something more than it has to? Ie, is this going to result in an expectation from my partner that this is equaling sex. So yeah, so the intimacy ritual is the third one.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and of course, you know, with those sorts of things on a physical level, what's happening is the bonding hormones are being released. You know you've got your serotonin, your dopamine. They help you to to bond, to remember that we're in partnership together and it's not just, you know, two people under the same roof. So when we feel those chemicals and those hormones in the body, it just allows us to create some more safety, some more trust and just knowing that someone's there for you.

Speaker 1:

Human beings are naturally, you know, we, we are naturally wanting to be together.

Speaker 1:

We're not, we're not solo animals. We need our, we need our tribe, we need our community, we need our partner to be walking alongside of us and it's a very natural thing to connect through touch, through hugs, yeah, and I think it's such a healthy thing for your relationship to be doing that, because I notice, even when sometimes we get into our busy modes of work, work, work, kids, you know, jobs in the house, we forget to do that and I know that feeling. It feels distant, it feels like isolated. I feel isolated and it feels like, yeah, I don't know just a little bit of um, uneasiness, unsteadiness. But when I give you a hug, it kind of settles everything and it just reminds me that we're here together and no longer, you know, I guess in in the chaos. So yeah, it's really important.

Speaker 1:

I think those things are really shifted for us in our relationship. The check-in, the you know, the five minute check-in, the? Um weekly adventure, or changing up the little routine of the of the week plus the intimacy ritual, has has something that do. We do that often and it definitely has changed the energy between the two of us.

Speaker 2:

Beautiful. I hope you got something out of that. I want to offer you guys something free that might be really healthy and helpful to activate this even further, and that's our seven-day relationship challenge. So you can access that on our website. If you go to michaelandamycomau and so many couples have done this with huge success and it's just seven days of practices You'll get a little video and an email and, yeah, it's similar to this, just to get you guys like literally jump-starting and jump-start the relationship.

Speaker 2:

And I know for some of you there are deeper wounds at play here. So if that's you and maybe there's, there's just no space to connect through touch, for example, because there's just no trust there right now then, yeah, feel free to contact us through our website and we would love to see if we can, yeah, facilitate a connection call with all four of us and let's just see where you're at. And let's see if we can, yeah, facilitate a connection call with all four of us and let's just see where you're at and let's see if we can offer you some guidance and guys.

Speaker 1:

Just remember if this, if you're in this roommate phase or this disconnected phase, you're not alone. There's so many couples out there who are in this space because we can take relationships for granted. We can just model what we've seen. We we can get stuck into the anxiousness and stress of life, but I just want to invite you to take a moment to step back out and have a look and see is there one thing out of these three that I can bring into our relationship? I really encourage you to give that a go, because if you do that, I really encourage you to give that a go, because if you do that, you might realize that you're closer than you think of having this deeper, more loving relationship.

Speaker 2:

All right, folks, thanks for listening and we'll catch you on the next podcast.