Are We Better Parents After Raising Disabled Children?

Parenting changes us—but parenting a disabled child has transformed us in ways we never expected. In this episode, we talk about how raising our disabled daughters has reshaped our views on parenting, life, and ourselves. Are we better parents now…or just different ones?

Drawing from comments from our incredible community on Instagram and Facebook, this conversation explores the joys, guilt, resilience, and growth that come from raising disabled kids.

Please subscribe, leave a review, and follow us on social media to know about upcoming episodes and to participate in this podcast.

Instagram - @raisingdisabledpodcast
Facebook - Raising Disabled Podcast

Transcript

Rhandyl: [00:00:00] Hey y'all. Welcome back to Raising Disabled. So a while back we posted a question on our social media asking caregivers of disabled kids if they felt like they're better parents after having a disabled child. And . We've touched on this throughout a lot of our previous episodes and this topic gets brought up organically with a lot of our guests and we got a lot of great feedback from our followers and decided that this topic was worth a full episode discussion.

, Yeah, so we post questions and different things, on our socials and sometimes when we get a lot of comments like this one had great feedback,, it helps us come up with good discussion and and get everyone's perspective on topics and ideas because, Deonna and I are just two people living this life, so it helps us get better ideas. , If you guys follow us, participation on the posts could end up being a podcast. Episode. , Even if you're not a parent of a disabled child, this could be a good [00:01:00] listen for you as well, and if you keep listening, you'll figure out why. I feel like we have a lot of different perspective on life.

Some of the comments. Were first time. Parents. And so I was in this role for five years. And so I could totally relate . One of our followers from Instagram, JK Camp, said, it's our first, so I have no idea. She was like, I get nervous if we have another, because it's all I know and I, gosh, I felt this for so long. And then another, on Facebook. Stacy Faulkner said, my disabled daughter is our only child, so I don't have much to compare to, but I often tell friends, I don't know what is normal, but I know our normal and

oh my goodness. Yeah. So five years. Remi was our first, and she was super medically complex. And , it was obvious that parenting was very much different for me than the. [00:02:00] Having your typical parent situation, but, and honestly at first I was really bitter about it and was really envious of others that had typical kids. I can say this now. That was something that I really didn't say out loud. It just sounded so taboo. I was envious of the people that got to have, these normal, healthy babies .

But then, , as the years passed and once we got in a routine at home and she was finally out of the hospital and things, , were still scary but not touch and go all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I. Really embrace the slower lifestyle in general. 'Cause I was always a go go never home. And was thrown into this, never leave the house situation. Yeah. 

But I became hyper aware of all the little inch stone and milestones that she would make. And I was able to for a few years, I stayed at home with her, and of course she had nursing, [00:03:00] but I feel like those beginning years, yeah, they were really tough and exhausting, but I felt like I was able to appreciate all the little things. And I always say that all the time, but it really, yeah. Yeah, just like Stacy said in the comments, I would tell everyone. No, this is our normal, and it just became our normal. We didn't know any different. It's all we knew. But it was hard in the beginning, but it was also,, I knew that this life that was given to us as parents for me, as Remi's mom that it was hard, but it was also like fulfilling.

Our other follower said they were nervous to have another and Oh my goodness. Yeah. Yeah. I, for years said Remi's it, never doing it again. We were so scared. We were just like, what if we have another situation like this? I don't know what we yeah, it's possible. Would do. And yeah. For a long time we thought that, there was a one in four chance that it could, because she was misdiagnosed with [00:04:00] a certain genetic. Malformation and so it was just like all these things. And yeah. We'll into more of, 

Deonna: We know people that, that has happened to. Oh, I know. And we've talked. Yeah. And so like we've talked 

Rhandyl: to them. It was, yeah. So scary. We even, went down as far as talking to OB geneticists and trying to see the IVF thing. , We didn't have fertility issues. We were honestly . Going down the road to whether or not we wanted to. Test embryos for certain genes and things. We, yeah. 'cause I had the longing for a second kid, but I was so scared, and it was a no go for a long time. And we'll get into more of, after my son later on in the episode. But yeah, I totally know where these moms, are when they're like, this is our normal, I have no idea.

Deonna: . And it's funny 'cause you know my oldest is not disabled and then my youngest got disabled later in life. , So I don't know how that feels because I had that normal [00:05:00] experience and I mean, it's funny sometimes to think back on my son being born and I'm not diminishing having a new baby.

That's hard. It's tiring. Obviously, but. And you can't really compare them because they're just so different. But when I think about my tired, where I was just like sleepy and you know mm-hmm. nursing and just doing all the regular things and then you're tired, where you're worried if your kid's gonna survive and you're staying in a hospital room.

It's just like a totally different. Experience. Like it just sometimes makes me feel silly that I was complaining about being tired with Cole or Allie, honestly. 'cause I had no idea how hard and tired my life was about to get. So it, yeah. That's, yo, a lot of the comments that we got were centered around some of the same themes, so we're gonna talk about them in chunks so that you hear [00:06:00] the same ideas, but there's a lot more online if you wanna go look at it.

But we picked some that we thought were good, but some of them said to the same idea of appreciating life more. Margo McElroy. Said, I've learned to speak up more, gotten a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be, and appreciate little moments so much more now.

Ruby, who's one of our past episodes, Ruby Mosley said more flexible, more willing to say yes, more open to doing things our way versus the normal way. And I'm more willing to make the right decision for us whether anybody else agrees or understands. And then I always leave comments on our own posts 'cause I'm a nerd.

But I said i'm more aware of how life is very precious and I try to soak up every good moment, but I also have a shorter fuse, and all three of these comments have the same. Theme. I say, a lot of [00:07:00] times, like I get it now and I didn't get it before, and a lot of people know what I'm talking about.

Because of what we've been through. But I just, I think I am a better mom than I would've been. Like I could probably get mad or more triggered than I probably would have back then. Like I have, trauma and anxiety Oh, yeah. That I've been through obviously, but, and you're the same way.

But I don't know, reading these comments I related to a lot because I'm more willing to do things than I was before. I feel like sometimes I even push myself to do things I never would've done, or I push our family to do things we might not have done because I feel like her days could be numbered in a way that I wouldn't have felt.

If she was, a typical kid and No, I get that. So we just try to, cram as much life into our life as we can. We have that slow life too, [00:08:00] like what you were talking about. We have to, we. We won't make it if we don't slow down, but, yeah, I do think when you have a disabled kid, it does help you just see the big picture more and appreciate little things.

Like we've talked about before, I don't really care if my kids are, I want 'em to be slightly high achieving, I want them to , try to do good in school and things like that, do their best, but, we encourage our kids to like, try things or go out for things, and then if they don't make it, you're like, oh, okay.

Whatever. Yeah. And I don't get upset. I think I would've honestly like mm-hmm. I think I had such unrealistically high expectations for myself growing up. That I think I would've pushed that on my kids and made them miserable. So I'm glad that I. Have that perspective now, but what do you think about these comments?

Rhandyl: Yeah. I really related to when Ruby said she's more willing to [00:09:00] make decisions for them. Even if no one else understands or agrees. And, this is, yeah, this was a big one for me. I think it was instilled in me, I feel like for a long time growing up, just.. Care about what others think , and , how things look and wanna be the best and Yeah. Yes. And so when I finally realized, and it was really freeing whenever. Those expectations., Were there, but just realizing that, , what's best for us in the decisions that I make for my family. We may not be able to make certain things all the time, it's just not easy for us to just load up and go so that. Pressure isn't there? I feel it in my gut that, if we can't do something one day or decisions that I make, , regarding keeping up with the Joneses.. I could care less about really any of that. Yeah.

But I, I totally relate to your short fuse thing though, because I mean, I think crazy.

I've [00:10:00] always had a short fuse. And I might answer. I remember being worried. I remember being worried about that. Like pre-kids oh my gosh. Am I gonna be patient enough, , to be a good mom? Like I was worried about all those things. Yeah. And I still, definitely have a shorter fuse, not just with my kids, but with people in general.

Deonna: Yeah, I think that's me. Really? Yeah. Like I get onto my kids and there. Times I'm not patient with them or whatever, but Oh yeah. For, but yeah, it's like other people like, I'm like, oh yeah, I cannot handle, I get all mad and my husband's the more like, Hey, chill. Golly, like there's a big joke in our house.

Like I'm always like, I will cut them if they do that again. And my husband and my kids are like, it's like a huge joke that I say that all the time. And I never said stuff like that before so I don't. I don't know. I'm, that's funny. I'm more violent, than I used to be. I don't know. No, I get that.

No, I know what you're [00:11:00] saying because you're oldest kid too, so you're just instantly put into this category of crazy person, I feel like. Yeah. And responsible, like I have to fight the crazy.

Yes, but like what you were talking a minute ago my mom and dad, they wanted me to do okay in things like they wanted me to try, but all the pressures were from myself. Like internally, I just thought I have to be at the best at everything

And my kids will be hard on themselves sometimes and I'm , cracking up 'cause it's so me. But , I think that's something if you're a regular parent listening and, you have to sometimes like listen to your kids and it's something that this experience has taught me like.

If my kids don't wanna do something and I think they should, but it's an activity or something. Yeah. And the old me would've been like, you're doing this. , You need to do this. The new me is like the other day I wanted Cole to go out for the chess team [00:12:00] and 'cause he is really good.

Playing chess. And I mean, he whips up on all of us and he's like, I don't know. I don't know. I, we've had this conversation for years and he's always said he doesn't wanna do it. And I'm like, okay, whatever. . This year he finally is like, , I wanna go out for it and try out. And I was like, okay, don't be sad if you don't get it, but if you get it, that's great. It's like whatever. Yeah. We didn't practice, we didn't like, I don't know. 

Rhandyl: You had to stop pressuring him and he's fine, I'll do it. 

Deonna: Yeah, fine, I'll do it. , But he does it and then we're just excited.

But I think the old me would've been like, no, we need to practice. You need to do this. So it's like it's good for our kids. We aren't as. I don't know. We don't pressure them as much, I feel like, as we would have no. Wow. Yeah, totally. And they're, they're fine. They're doing okay. 

Rhandyl: Yeah, our next group of comments that we had is around advocacy and one of the comments was from @acureforsophiaandfriends on Instagram, [00:13:00] and they said, I've become an advocate and fighter more than I ever thought I could be. I've morphed into something entirely new. She's fierce and loves big. And then another, N US one foundation said, I cheer every kid on. I can't help myself. And I was like, yes.

So advocacy. I talk about it all the time. It's a big one for me. I put in every bit of strength I had into advocating and learning whenever Remi was born and in the hospital and that was like. All I felt like I could do was pump my breast milk and learn everything. Yep. There was to know about Yep. Everything 

Deonna: wasn't a whole lot else to do. 

Rhandyl: No, that was about it. The focus and so yeah, and I learned a lot and became , like she said, fierce and really. Just learn to advocate in that environment. And [00:14:00] then I was always the parent that the doctors would come and talk to and ask me to go talk to another family facing something similar, some hard decisions that we had previously had to face. And our long hospitalization. I don't even know how many families in our 15 months of being in the hospital that I would have some doctor come be like, Hey, do you feel like you could talk to this family? And it was like, which just funny 'cause you were just starting out, 

Deonna: Weekly. 

Rhandyl: Yeah. It was like the big decisions this kid needs a tracheostomy, the parents are hesitant. Yeah. Or a G button or like the big surgeries and stuff. And that was usually the families that I would go talk to that were inpatient and Had a trach for a year and was still in the hospital . And . That still happens all gosh, all the time. But so that, and I was constantly , on the Facebook pages and on social media commenting on people's. Posts that were in similar situations, that was just like, where I lived in that moment.

But now I [00:15:00] avoid those specific trauma triggering, groups and things. But yeah, me too. That's what most of, yeah, it, they can get really dark sometimes, but depressing. Yeah, for sure. Now,, nine years into it I put a lot of , my advocacy energy into like my work as a pediatric PTA mm-hmm. working with all the medical complex kids and their families.

Yeah. And then the big one is this podcast there was just something about advocating and there was some way that I knew I needed to do it and that I was doing it, but it didn't feel right. Kind of thing. It's we've got to do some cool stuff already. Yeah. We have, yeah. Advocacy is probably my top proud mom things. It's like my passion. And something that I think that God called me to do. What about you? 

Deonna: Yeah, I feel the same way. I, the part where she said I've morphed into something entirely new. I like, it's really funny 'cause when Ally was in the [00:16:00] hospital. It was in the middle of winter, and I don't know about like migration patterns of butterflies and stuff, but we were seeing butterflies all the time.

They were just in Houston outside all the time. And we were seeing them . In, museums and just like all these different things and it was just such this symbol to me of what it felt like because I was not a Caterpillar anymore. I was something totally different.

And it felt like that was what happened with Allie too, which is like a whole different notebook. Yeah. Yeah. You really do change. It's crazy how much I've changed. Like it's funny 'cause I wish me and you could have known each other, I. To see because you have you have a good personality for advocacy and I do now, but the original version of Deanna was just, I don't know, it was like pretty tough and I wasn't good at that right off the bat like you were.

It [00:17:00] was just like, I was not the parent that people were asking, I just. I could hardly stand up for myself. I finally did start standup for myself when we got home and got into a different hospital and I had to Yeah. But I didn't really have standup for myself too much at Texas Children's.

They took pretty good care of us, and it was Oh yeah. Easy. But yeah, it was, oh, that was a tough thing. I remember the day that I cracked and all of a sudden had to advocate for her and didn't care what anyone thought of me. And yeah, it felt like I had changed personalities and it was sad, but it was what I had to do to keep her alive.

Yeah. What do you do? But I like the part where she said, I cheer every kid on. It's like if Remi's doing something, I'm her biggest fan. If you know our friends any of our other friends are doing something, you're just like, yes. And yeah. I'm so proud of every disabled kid that I know, [00:18:00] like they're not my kid.

But you feel like you're adopting every single other parent of a disabled kid's kid, by joining this group. And so it's, I like that they said that because I feel that way. Me too. It's very, and if you're advocating, when I did that speech the other day, part of my speech was about how if I'm advocating for Ali, at our local hospital

it down the line advocates for you. 'cause you'll be in there too. And if they know that doesn't fly with me, they'll know. Probably doesn't fly with you either. Everything you do sets a precedent kind of, of how Yeah. That child should be treated and everybody after them.

That's the reason, I obviously advocate for my own kid, but I want it to have a positive effect on everybody else too. Everybody. Yeah. Which sometimes we misbehave and it is what it is, but Yeah. So the next section of comments is about just maybe it [00:19:00] doesn't make us a better parent because we're just exhausted.

Guilty all the time. Burned out like all the above.

So our next comment is from Ezra Tosin and they said, my heart is open like never before, but I'm extremely exhausted and approaching total burnout, so that can't be good. I'm like, oh yes, no, probably not. And then the other comment was, Wagner unders Kelly, and she said, I definitely feel like I can't split my time equally, and my disabled child tends to always come first. So I feel a lot of guilt., I'm always tired and frustrated. And so sometimes my other typical kids don't get the fun, calm mom I thought I would've been.

And her comment I know what she's saying because, I will never be able to 50 50 split my attention between my kids. It's just gonna be impossible. And we do as much as we can to. Take Cole on trips by [00:20:00] himself or . Give him special attention. Or if our nurse is here at night, like I'll go lay in his bed and watch an episode of Mash.

'cause that's like his favorite show right now. That's awesome. I know he is like an old man. Or we'll just go do stuff like that with him and we talk to Cole all day, all night. We really do. But. It's not going to ever be split perfectly. And that does suck.

And I think if you were a parent of a typical kid, that probably would've been more even, I'm assuming. I know. Yeah. 'cause I lived it. Like they were both treated pretty much the same as far as like attention. So yeah, I, I have a lot of guilt about that. And but yeah, the burnout, usually by the time I'm getting burned out, I already am. And yeah. Um, It's too late and people are always like, go on trips, take date nights. Like when people tell me to do that, it actually really ticks me off even though like it is possible for [00:21:00] some of us to do that, for a lot of us financially, that's not even Yeah, something we can do.

You can't afford to go on date nights. You can't afford to go on trips for sure. But yeah, I feel like sometimes, like when I feel myself getting really tired or cranky and then I act like a monster. I'm like, man, I don't know if I would've been that way. So in that way I feel like, yeah, it does not make me a better parent because I feel all those things a lot.

Yeah. What do you think? 

Rhandyl: Yeah, you always hear the phrase when it comes to typical siblings of disabled kids is referred to as the glass child, they feel like you're just looking through them, I remember being really worried about that. Expecting my Yeah. Son. And I don't know I think God made him so needy for that reason. Because, just to force you forcing to pay attention? Yes. I had five years of giving Remi . Like [00:22:00] probably too much attention. Like even taking attention away from my marriage and things in the beginning. Yeah. Because it was just so that happens so much. Yeah. So she got. Almost my, so attention for a really long time. And then she had a really hard time once brother got here because, that wasn't the case. Just all, first kids. She's who's this guy? I think to, yeah. Yeah. It took her like two years to warm up to him. No joke.

Deonna: It's not funny, but it's, he's, 

Rhandyl: yeah. I honestly, I. Feel more guilt in the opposite way than I feel like most people do Raising a disabled kid. So for me, especially when we have full-time nursing in our home, , but Barrett, he was such a needy newborn., He's still such a needy kid. He's a mama's boy. It's, I always feel this guilt and I think it's just because of, for all those years, Remi was just my only child and she needed so much attention, but I sometimes [00:23:00] feel like he gets. Even more attention some days than Remi and then I feel guilty because in the back of my mind, I know that like she's getting all this attention from her nurses and her therapists, and then I get to come in and just. Be mom. I don't have to take on that role of the medical person. Yeah. But then, the whole role of raising Barrett is, typical mom things.

, And it's just weird to say it out loud, but sometimes I feel like he takes more attention away from Remi

Deonna: and it's probably his age too, if you have an older kid and then the disabled kid like me, like you, yeah. It's easier to. To ignore the older kid because they're more self-sufficient and they go do their own thing. Whereas when it's like the younger, you're forced to have to take wait on this child hand and foot 'cause they're so little.

Yeah, there's like, when we talk, in our group like we all have different experiences with that. And yeah, Cole can go [00:24:00] do his own thing. He can go fix his own food, or go do this other stuff. So we have to think about that. But I even remember, like when we were hospitalized, some people were confused why Cole was there with us.

Oh. And 'cause he couldn't go in, go to school, to the hospital and go in. People would ask me, why is he even there? Why isn't he home with his grandparents? Having a more stable, experience or whatever. And it was a conscious decision between me and my husband, he is our kid. He has to be with us. Like he, yeah. We have to give him attention through the most traumatic time of his life. And we would take him out and go skateboard from the top of the parking garages to the bottom. And, not me personally. Yeah. Like he would skateboard like I would die,

but we would take him and go do all these fun things. And I'm sure people thought that was weird. Why is, why are we giving him all this positive attention when his sister, quote unquote, [00:25:00] needs our attention? But you even then, it was like, we knew if you don't give him the right attention, then they're gonna feel yeah.

Lost. So it's, yeah. It's, I think that was a lot of effort though. That was, 

Rhandyl: I'm sure that was a very hard decision to make. Like I've, I thought about that so much, and I met so many moms whenever, Remi was in the hospital that had other kids at home and that they even, y'all were hospitalized during COVID and we weren't. But I remember, in the NICU there's no kids allowed at all, school age kids. , Yeah. 18 and I remember I did meet this one mom and I would go out in the waiting area and watch her little girl. So she could go up there and be with her baby in the nicu. And I just remember being so grateful. , That's a weird word to say, but I was grateful that I didn't have any other kids. Oh, I know what you're saying. Yeah, because I was able to give Remi my soul attention for all those months and all those years. I and I know 

Deonna: that was a hard [00:26:00] decision for y'all, but the only reason Cole really got Yeah, it was, and the only reason he really got to be with us, 'cause it, he was doing online school with COVID. Like I think if he had been in school for real, that would've been different. You know what I mean? I don't know. But it was a weird decision, but I don't regret it at all.

Rhandyl: So our next group of comments are about being more intentional and present. And so Alison Henry from Facebook wrote, I don't think I'm a better parent, but I do think that I'm more intentional as a parent. I don't sweat the small stuff. We make memories, spend money on experiences and not things i'm a different parent than I would have been.

And then Lauren Bum on Instagram said, I am a much better parent because of my daughter with her disabilities. I am more patient, live in the moment, more understanding and aware of others, and truly happier 'cause I'm her mom

so on. Allison's comment, that's something that I strive to. [00:27:00] I want to do the experience type, things more with my kids. Yeah. But you and I know how hard it is to travel with our kids. There's so many things that I would love to be able to do more often and things that we need to do, like we need to just spend the money on experiences because like you said earlier, . You never know with us. Our kids, at least once a year, sometimes more try to die on us. And so it's we never know. And I think about, , all the what ifs and what we could be doing and should be doing. But then we also have all these other financial responsibilities and it's just like all the things. But I love that. That's something that I would like for our, my parenting is to just try to experience more

but after having Barrett, we've talked about this a little bit, but my parenting world completely changed, it was rough in the beginning, my mental health was so bad for a couple of years after I had him. All the trauma came flooding back , and I [00:28:00] just got, oh, for sure. There was a lot going on but things leveled out and now the kids are older and, oh man, there's so many things that I've realized about how different. I parent than what I had envisioned previously to having kids.

Oh my gosh. The funniest thing, my husband and I, we still laugh about it and we tell people this, but whenever I talk to my husband about okay, I have baby fever, , five years after we'd been married, . And he was like, ready for, okay, so we're not gonna have a hand sanitizer kid. We're gonna raise 'em in the country. We're moving back to like small town. Yeah. And then Remi was born and it's we have to have baby. He just said all kind of baby of things that didn't happen. I know. We can't move, but quit saying stuff. . But yeah, so we still laugh about that because it's like God laughs at us all the time when we have all these plans for our life.

Yeah. But one of my favorite comments is. Now I see underscore journey on Instagram She said. Yes, she feels like a better [00:29:00] parent. She grew up in a home where her older brother and her were AP kids, and , her mom had a doctorate in teaching special education. She said even being raised, hanging out in her classrooms with the special needs kids, I never actually understood how different life was for disabled families. And she said, God gifted me my kids. And shown me that there's so much more to life than straight A's and winning competitive sports. My kids won't be doing any of those things, and honestly, I think our lives are happier and calmer for it. And she said, they've also taught me that everything can't always be perfect. She's still trying to let go of that oldest daughter recovering perfectionist.

I'm like, oh my gosh, I felt this so hard. I was, I know. Yeah. So true. That's like you were saying about how, you're with Cole, and with Allie, if you wanna go try this out, go do it. But no pressure, , we'll cheer you on if it's something that you're wanting to do. Yeah. And like I think about, my [00:30:00] childhood growing up in a small town in Texas I don't even think it was pressure from my family. It was just external pressure. I need to be in every sport and I need to work my best and I need to, get the best grades. And then in college, trying to get like certain GPA so I could go into, this grad school or whatever. I put so much pressure on myself. Like you said you did,

but , a lot of that I'm proud of because it helped my work ethic and things like that. But yeah, it's nothing wrong with it. No, but as far as my parenting goes, I feel like if Remi hadn't been my first, and I wouldn't have had all these realizations into what is actually important in life, then I feel like I would've been the parent that. I would be Barrett's four. He'd probably be in like multiple little leagues, and , like all the things that I thought that I would that I had aspired wanted my kids to do. Yeah. And now it's man, he's gonna go to school a year later. He's gonna play outside as much [00:31:00] as he can. He's not gonna get into any sports until he says he wants to. Just let him be a kid. Yeah. All those external pressures I feel like that I would've had previous. To having Remi. There's not even a pressure there at all.

I just, oh, it's follow my mom. But it's so true. I've learned that in so many situations with Remi and learned the, yeah. That whenever my gut is telling me typically is. Is pretty gospel, pretty and yeah. Yeah. So I even feel that way in my parenting with my typical kid. No, it be too, I, in my gut, doesn't, don't feel like that is something that's important and that's gonna be something that's going to help his quality of life or later on in life, his future, whatever, then.

Yeah. So this comment, I was like, yes, this is how I feel. . And I thought it was crazy though, her mom was , sped teacher especially, and yeah. And that she was around it, and then now she's living it and [00:32:00] has a perspective. I, we can all say that. There's certain times in my life, pre being in the disability world just being clueless, completely clueless. As to their lives and their parents' lives. And that's, I feel like that why we don't don't wanted to know and, no. And that's why I said in the beginning, that this episode is probably something good for everyone to hear, whether you're raising a disabled kid or not, just to, get a different perspective on. How we parent and how we feel about parenting our kids, whether they're disabled or typical. Yeah, 

Deonna: no, it's like a freeing thing. And it's funny 'cause even her name is now iic. And it is Uhhuh. Very true. Because I. I felt blind to what was important. I used to get really stressed out over really dumb stuff and now when I look back, I wish I could, tell other moms who do not have disabled kids, or a child that is like sick with cancer or some thing that they're going through. Hey, if your [00:33:00] family's healthy and things are going relatively well. Like it, it doesn't matter. Like nothing that you're worried about matters. And I wish that my old self I wish I could go back sometimes and just know what I know now, because I would've just been totally different as a parent.

I would've been like, oh whatever, who cares? But I was headed down that crazy. Path. And I'm glad that, I'm not glad my daughter got disabled, but I'm glad that I know. Yeah. What I know now. But yeah, people will say, is Cole gonna play football next year? And I'm like, I don't know if he wants to.

He will. And they're like, oh, you're not gonna make him play. And I'm like. I'm not gonna make him do anything I like, I want him to go to church with me. And that's about the only thing right now that I'm like having him do. And he goes to school, but even school, like I told him, if you're doing your best and you get a C or something, and this is hard to say, 'cause I'm that psycho, like summa cum laude girl over here.

But I [00:34:00] just was like. If you get a , a grade that you're not loving. But that was like the absolute best you could do. Whatever. Yeah. He's not my disabled kid. It's just, it trickles into your whole life. I do think if parents can take one thing away from disabled people, become friends with a mom who has a disabled kid, and you will. Be pleasantly surprised.

It's, you'll be shocked at first about how little we care about anything. , We hope this was just a fun episode of getting a little insight into. Honestly how we operate, how our minds work and do. I think that me and you are like better moms than other parents who don't have disabled kids? Like I don't think that, but that was just the fun question we asked.

And I do think that it has given us a perspective that is better in some ways as far as what is important, most things [00:35:00] we worry about in this life are so meaningless and stupid and, we've it's a good reminder right now just to assess sometimes what you're getting stressed over and try to decide is this worth getting upset over or not.

And yeah, that's what this was for. And so we're so thankful for. Everybody who gave us comments, there were so many more. There was too many to share in this episode. And you guys should go check those out. And if you are a parent of a disabled kid, always, answer our questions and interact with us. That's the way that we can make this show the best. And so thank you guys, and we'll see you next time.

**Disclaimer

Before we go, I wanna remind our listeners that this podcast is for the purpose of education and entertainment only, and is not a replacement for seeing a doctor. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained professional for help with your child's specific situation.