Announcer (00:00:04) - This is Dream Power Radio. The place where your dreams turn into reality. Here is your host, Debbie Spector Weisman.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:00:13) - Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to Dream Power Radio. I'm your host, Debbie Spector Weisman, Certified Dream Life coach. This is a place where we talk about dreams, both daytime and nighttime dreams and how you can use them to make the internal shift to a life you love and rediscover the truth of who you really are. Not to date myself or anything, but where I was in college, attitudes about women in the workplace were in a state of transition. Probably just as many of my female classmates were there to get their MRS degree than to pursue a career in a specific field. It was also a time when there's still a lot of female firsts going on. The first woman CEO of a major corporation. The first female network news anchor. The first female to lead a national nonprofit. The first female to head an engineering firm, just to name a few.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:01:06) - Focus was on work for work's sake and not too much thought--at least the national media sense-- was given to the price of success for women in the workplace. For me, I know I was all about having a career, but I was also in love, and I didn't think of the costs I might have to pay, the sacrifices I might have to make in order to have it all. But I was lucky. I had a supportive husband and when it came time to have kids, childcare was still affordable, and I was able to manage my time to be productive-- if that's the best word for it --as a wife, mother, and a working writer. But times are different now. Women for the most part, are expected to have careers and managing it is a lot harder than it was a generation ago. The drive for success often comes with stress, anxiety, imposter syndrome, and constant worry. Well, if that's where you're at, you've come to the right place, as today's episode is all about how to achieve a healthy work life balance.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:02:10) - And for that, I'm turning to Integrative Wellness Coach Annie Delre for advice. Annie is passionate about helping her clients achieve a life of confidence, wellness and success. And she is also a public speaker and focuses in such areas as accountability, motivation, boundary setting and more. Welcome to Dream Power Radio, Annie.
Annie Delre - Thank you. I’m happy. I'm so excited to be here.
Debbie Spector Weisman - Oh, I'm excited to be talking about this subject because it is such an important one, and you really can't live your dream life unless you do have that work life balance. So, Annie, what do you see as the biggest issue facing women in the workforce today
Annie Delre (00:02:54) - ? I would say the pressure, especially for moms. And it's not that childfree people don't have pressures. I'm childfree, so I lived it. But that idea I have to be in went to what you were saying. I could be this amazing mom. I could be an amazing partner if you have one. If you don't have a partner, you have to be an amazing single mom.
Annie Delre (00:03:17) - And even I know this was in the past, but I've seen it now as well. The worry of getting pregnant while in a career because you don't want that to keep you from excelling in your career. And even though it's illegal for bosses to not hire someone or promote them because of the potential of pregnancy, it still happens. It still happens.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:03:38) - I'm sure it does. And I'm sure it's because it's done in a subtle way because it is illegal. But there are ways they get around that and to make it much harder.
Annie Delre (00:03:48) - Yeah, they look at your age. They look if you have a partner, do you have other kids for sure.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:03:53) - And so let's say a woman is working in a large company, so she's not a solopreneur. Very often she'll run into a roadblock that could be lumped into what I would call office politics, where somebody is out to get you, somebody to say, well, you are wanting to get ahead and will do things.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:04:15) - So how does a woman successfully negotiate with a person who does things that sabotage them behind their back?
Annie Delre (00:04:24) - Depending on the severity. I think it's very important to report people. I really think that you need a paper trail. Uh, okay. This wasn't a one-time thing. It happens here. In here. Another thing is direct communication. If you hear that they're talking about you, it's important to address that and nip it in the bud. I think that's the phrase of the idea of doing immediately find a support system at work. Make sure that you have a strong support system out where you can look at another company. You don't have to tell other people that you're interviewing at other places but put your résumé out there. I think that's appropriate.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:04:59) - Well, in a competitive workplace, how do you present yourself in a way that you don't come off as too aggressive? That's also something women are accused of.
Annie Delre (00:05:11) - Yeah, I think number one. Remember that that's someone else's problem, not your problem.
Annie Delre (00:05:17) - If you're identified as aggressive or even the B word that's on them, that's their feeling they're projecting on you. And the other idea is, I believe, how's everyone else acting in the room? Is everyone aggressive? Is the you see that it's off putting what you're doing? Or are you just standing up for yourself, creating boundaries, taking into that leadership role? Read the room.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:05:47) - So is it important for a woman to be a leader, to be successful in the workplace?
Annie Delre (00:05:55) - 100%, especially if they have to show like you could be a leader, especially if they have daughters.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:06:04) - And how do you create or promote that sense of leadership in yourself?
Annie Delre (00:06:10) - Number one, educating yourself. And this doesn't mean you have to go get a degree. But read leadership books again, the idea of mentor who was the most successful person in the room, who does everyone like. And they could be those could be more than one person.
Annie Delre (00:06:24) - But what leadership style do you like? Another really important thing is what leadership styles do you not like? Something like something that's similar is when you grow up with a parent who does things that you don't agree with, like smoke cigarettes excessively during the day in abusive relationships. So essentially, you're either unfortunately falling in that life or the complete opposite. You're like, I will never do that. So finding out what you do appreciate and what's not. At the gold model something that you agree with. You don't like that technique and finding out what works for you.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:07:00) - And just basically testing your way out there.
Annie Delre (00:07:03) - That's a great way to say it because like anything in life, just figuring yourself out. What do you like? What do you not like? Something that helps you, professional and personally is identifying your values. And if you're living your values in both of those settings, it's almost impossible not to succeed.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:07:22) – Okay, to change the subject a little bit here because I want to talk about the workplace in general because there's so many pressures. Corporations have the pressure to have profits, and when the economy is down, there's always the worry about layoffs and things like that. And something that has exploded this year, big time has been AI. Have you found that your clients are worried about how AI is affecting them, or will be affecting them in the future?
Annie Delre (00:07:49) - Yeah, I have seen a lot of worry, especially the people who do copywriting or social media. Even some engineers are worried. I work with quite a few engineers, specifically women, and some women aren't exactly worried about every responsibility at work being taken over by AI. But if half their job is able to be done by a computer, are they going to be getting paid half as much? It's the uncertainty of it all. Or is my skill going to phase out? Do I need to go back to school? Especially people who are, let's say older than 45 are thinking, I have to learn all this. Are you kidding me? I didn't grow up with a cell phone in my hand.
Annie Delre (00:08:31) - I didn't grow up with apps. I didn't grow up with this forever changing. Or of course, things were changing, but as fast.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:08:40) – Oh, tell me about that. Like I said at the beginning, I don't want to date myself, but we didn’t have computers when I went to school. I mean, I had a manual typewriter in college. So, you know, there's been that that transition from generation to generation and you learn something with it, and you learn to adapt. But even what I'm doing now is I like to call it my third career, because I've had different things along the way, and I had to learn marketing, and it's like, that's a whole different thing right here. And so there's so many pressures like that. So how is the best way to handle the pressures of changing technology?
Annie Delre (00:09:23) - I think one of the things is educating yourself. So some of my clients dig in and are like, well, I'm not learning that I'm old, which old is a relative word, but unless you're 90 and bedridden, I do think there's still time to catch up, or at least to the best of your ability.
Annie Delre (00:09:44) - So, for example, something like Skype and FaceTime that can help you see your family, that can keep you from the drive to work. You could get all the time back. You can meet more people. You can work internationally if you want some, some places. So one of the things is at your local library. I haven't been at one local library that doesn't have a free course for people who want to learn, let's say Microsoft Excel or the Google program, or how to get on Skype or how to access a computer. So, and this may sound a tiny bit harsh, but there's actually no excuse. There are free programs online on how to use these things. It's more of getting over that fear. And I don't want to minimize that. There is fear. It's overwhelming. It's overwhelming for me. And I grew up towards the end of high school having a cell phone. They were flip phones. They were not fancy phone, but they were like, kids can be on an iPad and work 100 times faster. They can type faster. They know tricks on the phone. I don't know this, that.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:10:49) - Oh yeah. I mean, my grandchildren were experts in iPhone when they were two, so it's funny how it works. Okay, so yeah, so far, our focus has been just on the work side of it. But then there's the life side, whether you're married or you're in a relationship or if you don't have a relationship, you have kids or you don't have kids. How do you find that balance between work, especially when you have all these fears about changes that might be going on in the workplace. How do you turn off work when you get home?
Annie Delre (00:11:26) - That's a great question. So one of the things that I start with is the mindset shift. So the idea of neuro linguistic programming, the words that you're using is affecting how you're thinking. So the main thing talking about career and personal life is that word balance is brought up all the time. If you Google work, work life balance. If you say that to someone, they all know what that means.
Annie Delre (00:11:52) - But the idea, the word balance is what’s stressing people out. How can I do 50/50? I need to do 50/50. I need to do this. But do you really want 50% of your life to be work? Like really think about it. Do you want to spend 50% of your life working, or ideally, would it be something like 30 and 70? So really saying that everything needs to be 50/50-- I don't think that's correct. And when you're able to release that idea of, yeah, my professional life isn't poor, it makes me feel fulfilled. It gives me money, I can feed my kids, or I can take a vacation as opposed to never doing anything or always staying in the house so that where I can. I coached probably 5 or 600 clients, and I can think of 1 or 2 who said to me, no, Annie, I want 50/50 or even more were. And they had no family and no friends. They didn't want to get married.
Annie Delre (00:12:53) - And the two that I'm thinking of were not fulfilled. They were very unhappy. So most people say I do not want if it be 50. So throw out the word balance. Change it to harmony. How can I live a harmonious life? And that also goes back to your values. Because when you practice your values, do you live in harmony?
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:13:16) - I love that word harmony, because that's another example of the languaging that we use that affects how we act. And on that note, we are going to take a short break. We’re talking about work life balance with Annie Delre, and we'll be right back.
Announcer (00:14:08) - Welcome back to Dream Power Radio with your host, Debbie Spector Weisman.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:14:14) - Yes. Welcome back to Dream Power Radio. I'm your host, Debbie Spector Weisman, and we're talking about work life balance with Annie Delre. Well, Annie, when I think about being able to have a healthy relationship with work and with life, the thing that comes to my mind is time management. So people manage their time in a way so that they can get that harmony.
Annie Delre (00:14:43) - Yes, that is definitely the practical skill after the mindset shift. Let's get practical. Let's get measurable results. I love measurable results because then we can see our progress. So the number one thing I suggest, especially for my clients who are diagnosed with ADHD, is time blocking. Block your schedule. It will change your life, especially if you're building mindfulness around time.
Annie Delre (00:15:09) - So a lot of people are I don't even know where my time is going, or I don't even have an extra minute. But for the most part, that's not true. It's just that you're not utilizing your time in in the best way or what you'd like. So. Back to the idea of harmony or measurable result. All right. If you're thinking about your week, let's break it down to percentages. How much would you like to spend with your family? What about your health and self-care? What about your financial awareness? So when your time blocking, you can see am I living up to that? So if you say you need self-care, or you'd love to carve out ten minutes a day for yourself. And you realize an entire week went by and you didn't carve out an exact minute. Then you can realize, okay, I need to step it up or what can I change? All right. Maybe I don't have to watch Netflix for four hours. Maybe I can turn off the TV and journal for ten minutes.
Annie Delre (00:16:03) - So just being really honest with yourself, because sometimes it's hard to hit with the reality of, well, my problems.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:16:12) - Well it is. It always to me comes down to self-awareness. And that’s the key.
Annie Delre (00:16:19) - Yeah. And scheduling buffers in your day. So another thing is, as I mentioned, my client diagnosed with ADHD. It's sometimes the idea of time blocking. They're like, what are you talking Annie, I could not. You are crazy. They’ll say these things. So their assignment is to backtrack. Okay, don't worry about the future. Let's talk about what your week, your past week looked like. Let's break it down. And all we're doing is building mindfulness. All we're worried about not behavior change aside from mindfulness. And that's really enlightening for people, especially if they color code it, which is something I recommend.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:17:00) - Yeah, I've seen that. I've actually done that myself. And it is amazing because the natural tendency is to say, oh, I don't have the time, but when you realize where you are actually spending your time. Oh, here’s an hour where I'm just doing nothing. Or here's an hour.
Annie Delre (00:17:18) - Instagram.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:17:19) - Or yes, social media is like the key. How many people waste so many hours on social media?
Annie Delre (00:17:26) - That's a big topic that we talk about. Digital wellness. Yes.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:17:29) - So how do you get people who are like addicted to social media to temper their time?
Annie Delre (00:17:40) - Again, for measurable results is get an app that tracks it. So I know the iPhone already comes with something built in, but you can get apps that are even more detailed. So building a mindfulness. Okay, you say a lot of people will tell me, oh, I rarely go on that app, or maybe I'll check for three minutes a day, but then when they see a phone that's tracking that, it's like they realize, oh, actually, I'm spending an hour and a half on Instagram every day or like, oh, actually, that's 15 hours of Instagram.
Annie Delre (00:18:14) - That's me. And I wanted to write a book and I said I didn't have time, but even if I did have half of that time to write a book, I'd be doing a lot better with that goal. And I haven't even started. And the other thing is for people, let's take that aside, okay? Let's say that it's not exactly that you're abusing it or going on to much or at full addiction, but you'd like to use it in a more healthy way. So the first thing I have them do is unfollow every single account that doesn't bring them joy. Every single one. Unfollow the news. Unfollow the girl from high school that you don't like, unfollow your cousin that you're jealous of. And a quick test of how do I know if it brings me joy? Do you smile at their profile or not? Yeah. That's it. That's a quick test.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:19:03) - Right? And it's so simple. But how many people actually take the time to do that? Or they'll say no. I'll be missing out.
Annie Delre (00:19:13) - Why? I need to keep up. Well, you really don't. I'll be honest. I stopped reading the news, listening to it, reading it. Maybe five years ago, and I haven't missed a single event because everyone else talks about it. Your family members will tell you if something happened. Like I'd promise you you're not going to miss anything. You'll miss a lot of fluff and terror, but the important things you'll hear about in the world, you'll hear about while you're shopping. You're not going to miss anything. I promise you you'll get an alarm on your phone if something horrific happened.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:19:48) - And by doing that, you're cutting out so much negativity in your life because the news is all about doom and gloom.
Annie Delre (00:19:55) - It's like politically, it's not serving you. It really isn't. And I understand the idea of I need to stay informed but digesting it morning and night is it's just not healthy.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:20:06) - One of the things you talked about earlier was that the mind, mindfulness and having a mind shift. One of the things that I have found in my practice that people really start to realize when they start paying attention to who they are, is a lack of self-love. Do you find that and how do you deal with that?
Annie Delre (00:20:31) Yes, and it breaks my heart, especially the younger women. Oh my goodness, self-love and confidence. Those are the big ones. I don't even have confidence in myself. How can I love myself? One of the things is making sure that you're surrounding yourself with people who are supportive and not toxic. It's really hard being in an abusive relationship when you're trying to build up your self-esteem, and this person is constantly knocking you down. So., I think support system is a game changer, whether it's one person in your life and I will be honest, no one is better. Having no one is better than having bad people though. And starting from the ground up, there are endless sources online. There are meetup groups. There are more opportunities than now than ever where you can meet your people.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:21:27) - Absolutely. But something that I think stops a lot of people from taking that step to do that is that horrible four-letter word fear.
Annie Delre (00:21:36) - Oh most people. Yeah.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:21:39) - I guess there are some healthy ways to deal with fear because fear is always going to be there. But how do you tame it?
Annie Delre (00:21:49) - One of the things is similar to exposure therapy. And I have--I do challenges for clients. And one of the challenges, for example, would be instead of looking down at your phone in the coffee shop while you're ordering food or ordering your coffee and you're in line, turn to someone. Make eye contact. Smile. That is all you have to do. Look up from your phone for one minute. Smile at someone. The next thing would be turn to the person in the back. Start a conversation. Oh, hey. Yeah, yeah. Nice. Have a nice day. You don't ask about their kid. You don't ask what their job is, but you slowly build up to it. No. No pressure. Like if this person doesn't smile back at you. Okay. Okay. And a big thing with career wise, ask questions in meetings.
Annie Delre (00:22:42) - If you would normally never ask the question, raise your hand and ask a question or participate. That one is a little more fearful because it’s your career and you're wondering, is everyone judging me? But unless you practice, you're not going to get better at it. It's like wanting to be the best at the violin and you've never practiced.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:23:01) - Right. Okay. That leads me to the next subject, which is let's say, you know that you have to do this. Let's say you're not speaking up in meetings and it's holding you back in your career, or you're in a social setting and you're looking for a relationship and you're not taking active steps to do anything about it. How can somebody work up the motivation to go from that thinking about it stage to actually taking action on doing something?
Annie Delre (00:23:32) - So two things come to mind. One is the idea of affirmation. Or as I was mentioning earlier, of neuro linguistic programming. Your brain is affected by your words and vice versa.
Annie Delre (00:23:48) – You can tell yourself I got this. I am wise. People look to me as a leader. I'm growing stronger every day. And telling yourself this, whether you believe it or not, eventually it's going to sink in. So, for example, say your father told you you were stupid every single day that sunk in. That was repeated to you over and over and over. So, I would say that. And also, I know I keep coming back to this, but what is the most successful person in the room doing? What verbiage are they using? How do they dress? What questions are they asking? Mimic them. Read about people who are successful. What are they doing? What did they do? Especially if someone has a great hero's journey of starting from nothing and then building their way up. How do they do that? What was the changing point?
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:24:38) - That's very powerful information. So we're talking about spending time in the workplace, spending time at home with a spouse or partner or children or whatever. What about me time, taking time to advocate for that.
Annie Delre (00:24:57) -. Yeah. And it's a form of respect. Why are you doing everything for everyone else and you're not filling your cup? It doesn't mean you're not happy. Spending time with yourself or doing self-care does not mean that you're taking from your significant other children. I mean, if you think going to the club is something like that and you leave your kids or that not exactly self-care, that in my opinion, more selfishness. Like if you leave your kids all day because you get your nails done and your hair done, and then you tell everyone you don't have money for groceries, well, that's a difference between self-care. That is like taking that time out, letting your kid know, I just need a moment going to my room, depending on their age. Writing down how you're feeling. I think journaling is really important. And the other thing I tell clients is it doesn't have to be something such as getting your hair and nails done. It doesn't even have to be something that you have that you invest in.
Annie Delre (00:25:56) - You don't have to pay for the yoga class. You can turn on a free YouTube video. It's free to walk around your neighborhood. The gym might not be free, but there are other options that are free.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:26:08) - Oh, absolutely. And it goes hand in hand with self-love. This is when you spend that time with yourself. You learn to appreciate yourself better. Many years ago I wrote a book called 101 Dream Dates: How to say I love you to the most important person of your in your life, you. And it was all about doing those things and it could be ten minutes. Doesn't have to be a whole thing. And when you do it often enough and make it a regular practice, you realize you are very valuable, and you appreciate yourself. And when you can appreciate yourself and love yourself, you have the love to give to everybody else.
Annie Delre (00:26:45) – Right. Anchor on that. Anchor on I'm doing this because then I could be a better mom. I could be a better partner. I can level up at work. I'm doing this because I'm looking at the bigger picture.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:26:56) - Absolutely. Well, Annie, how can people find out more about you and your work?
Annie Delre (00:27:01) - I would say go right to my website anniedelre. com and that's the easiest way.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:27:08) - Wonderful. Well, thank you for that much for being on Dream Power Radio today.
Annie Delre (00:27:13) - Oh, thanks for having me.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:27:14) - Thank you. We've been speaking about wellness for working women with Annie Delre. I hope you’ve enjoyed today's program. If so, please hit that subscribe button so you don't miss out on any future episodes. Until next time, this is Debbie Spector Weisman saying sweet dreams, everybody.
Announcer (00:27:30) - You've been listening to Dream Power Radio with your host, Debbie Spector Weisman. For more information on Debbie or to sign up for her newsletter, go to DreamPowerRadio.com. This has been Dream Power Radio.