Announcer (00:00:04) - This is Dream Power Radio, the place where your dreams turn into reality. Here is your host, Debbie Spector Weisman.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:00:13) - Hello, hello, hello and welcome to Dream Power Radio. I'm your host, Certified Dream-Life Coach Debbie Spector Weisman. This is the place that we talk about dreams, both daytime and nighttime dreams, and how you can use them to make the internal shift to a life you love and rediscover the truth of who you really are. What's the worst that ever happened to you? Some of you might say, it's the day my husband asked me for a divorce, or the day I got fired from a job I really love. Or perhaps my house was foreclosed. These are all terrible potential life changing situations, to be sure, but for many of you out there, you probably say they pale in comparison to the one thing that most of us fear hearing most of all -- the diagnosis that you have cancer. Immediately your life changes. You enter a new world of treatments, hospitals, changes in all aspects of your being and the realization that the life you once took for granted is gone forever.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:01:14) - My guest, Tonya Baillargeon, knows all about that world. She's a cancer survivor herself and now makes it her mission to help others on their own journeys by showing them how to adopt a winning mindset, create a powerhouse support team and explore all effective treatment modalities. Her goal is to remove the fear surrounding this disease and empower everyone who has cancer to move from surviving to thriving. Let's hear how she does it. Welcome to Dream Power Radio, Tonya.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:01:47) - Thank you so much for having me here, Debbie. I really appreciate it.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:01:51) - Well, I'm very honored to have you here because I think it's an important subject to discuss. I would imagine that getting that cancer diagnosis had to be the worst day in your life. How did you react to that news?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:02:04) - And like everybody else does. The doctor said, you have cancer. And I heard Charlie Brown's teacher "Womp womp womp womp". There was nothing like her lips kept moving and I didn't hear anything after "you have cancer". And that is a typical response.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:02:20) - You just... It's like being punched in the face. Even if you suspect that you do the reality when, when when you're made aware that, yes, in fact you do. In the back of my head I was like, yeah, it's probably cancer. But like way different from actually, yes, it is cancer.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:02:40) - Well, the heavy denial sets it.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:02:43) - Absolutely. Fortunately for me, I did have somebody with me, a good friend of mine who was a former nurse. She knew it was going to go down. So she was there to basically babysit me.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:02:58) - But let me ask you this. A lot of times when cancer is talked about, we use words like battling cancer, fighting against it, being at war against it. How do you feel about that language and is it helpful?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:03:12) - Actually, yes, because it is right. So for me, I believe that mindset is super important. I think it's the most important thing, especially when you're in a trauma situation and when you're diagnosed with cancer, it absolutely is a trauma situation.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:03:29) - Every day. I visualized that I was putting on Wonder Woman's underwear because Wonder Woman to me would never die. So that was like the physical representation of me actively deciding to live every day. It is a choice, and it is a battle. Sometimes it's difficult. So yes, it's not a picnic. So I think the verbiage around it is appropriate because you create battle plans. Your treatment plan is your battle plan. For me, I added in holistic aspects. I made sure that my friends, family and my medical team were all on board that I was going to kick cancer's behind. And I was going to do it my way, which is mind, body, spirit. I think that we can't just treat the disease, we have to treat the entire person.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:04:21) - So true. Do you think that mindset makes a difference between survival and not?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:04:30) - Yes, 1,000% yes. I have literally watched people get diagnosed, accept the diagnosis and just lay down and die. And it's horrific.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:04:43) - I can't make judgments on why they decided to do that, because nobody can determine quality of life over quantity of life but the person who is in those shoes. Right? So as frustrating as it was for me to watch a loved one do that, it's not my journey. So you cannot control the situation. You can only control how you respond to it. Not everybody is aware, but a healthy uterus is about four ounces. And so when they removed mine, it was over 10 pounds. I had about a 5% chance of survival. And I absolutely believe that having that mindset, that putting on Wonder Woman's underwear every day, basically putting on Wonder Woman's armor every day, that mindset of mine is a drastic part of why I was able to conquer the cancer. And in less than a month, I'll be celebrating 17 years.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:05:42) - Oh, that is wonderful. Yeah, I tell you, I've actually seen it. People I know -- well, two people in particular, one who got diagnosed maybe about three years ago with what was called a terminal cancer diagnosis. And she's still with us through her mindset, the things that she's done. And she's gotten it to the point where she's able to live with the cancer. It's never going to go away, but she can live with it and live a productive life with it as well. And another person I know got diagnosed with stage four liver cancer about a year and a half ago, and nobody expected her to be around right now. But not only is she around, but the tumors have shrunk. The doctors are just totally ...you know, they can't believe what they're seeing. And it's I think it's all due to their mindset and what they've done. And one of the things that both of them were able to do was to build a community around them, both in real but also virtual life. They have very large social media connections, and they were able to have people support them and pray for them. You also credit community as being a very important part of being able to help deal with your cancer. So tell me, why did you decide to start a community to help people with cancer?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:07:11) - It takes a village to raise a Tonya. I absolutely believe that we as humans are very communal and we cannot do everything by ourselves, and that's a hard lesson for some of us to learn. I'm a Virgo. That makes it very difficult for me to learn to give power over to other people to help me. That was a hard lesson, but all of us need support sometimes. We can't always be the one supporting everybody, so having the right support team is critical when you're diagnosed or anytime. Honestly, you should do assessments on who's actually crossing boundaries and not creating a positive environment for you and release them with love and let them go on their merry way. Having people in your inner circle who really love you and really care about you and actively support you, not just verbally but with actions is critical. Especially when some days you can't even change your underwear. Like you can barely function because the treatment is so hard on your body that you literally cannot move. So you're going to need help. And having the right help is critical.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:08:32) - What about people who don't have the support system they need? For example, somebody whose husband can't deal with the illness, or children who are too fearful and don't want to be around somebody who's sick. When it's close, family members who aren't giving you what you need. How do you help the person deal with that?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:08:54) - So family can be chosen. Not all blood family is going to be able to step up to the plate in a time like this, and that is challenging for both the cancer survivor as well as the family member. We don't know necessarily what brought them to not being able to handle it. Maybe they had somebody like their grandmother when they were really young, pass from cancer. We don't know what that cause is, right? So not everybody can handle it. And that's okay. Coming to terms with that can be difficult. But there are other people who will step up to the plate and be there, right, like actually going through it.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:09:39) - And in the last two years, I've had two other cancer concerns, both of which have panned out. I'm fine. But humanity rises to the occasion. People you are just acquaintances with, people you would never expect to actually stand up and be phenomenal as a support just come out of the woodworks. They really do. And it is a tremendous thing to see. Like, it's a horrible time for you, but your neighbor comes over with a casserole. The woman you barely know drives you around the neighborhood so you can get out of your house. It's tremendous the way humanity steps up to the plate when somebody really, really needs it.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:10:28) - And I think you also have to be not shy about asking for help.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:10:34) - That's a hard lesson, too, right? Advocating for yourself is something that we should all be taught as children, and that should be a nurtured thing. And that is a difficult thing for a lot of us, because that it's taught out of us to not speak up for ourselves and not advocate for our needs.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:10:52) - It's important. It's not selfish to take care of yourselves. And society has made it so. We feel guilty when we take the time to do self-care, which isn't just lighting some candles and having a nice bath, but also journaling, working on becoming a better person, meditation, breathwork. All of these things come into play as well.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:11:18) - Right. And all of those things which I think are very necessary and a good thing for everybody to do, to meditate, to journal, to--
Tonya Baillargeon (00:11:30) - Transformational.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:11:31) - ...do those things kind of for yourself. If you have cancer, what effect does it have for you?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:11:38) - It helps relieve the stress. Like honestly, because you're very stressed when you're going through that. You don't know if you're going to die. You're trying to keep a positive mindset. In some days that's really challenging. Breathwork and meditation. Yoga. Gentle exercise because you really can't handle a stronger exercise. Things that are soft on your body but allow you the time to be with yourself, but not worry about the answer and help regulate your stress levels. I didn't journal. Not everybody does. So everybody has their own blueprint that your body wants you to be doing. Your natural inclination is to lean towards it. And if it's something that doesn't interest you, you'll lean back and you'll make faces. So you'll get a sense. So when somebody talks to you about Reiki, which is energetic healing, if you lean in, that's something that your body's saying, yes, we're interested in this activity. So can we have that please? Or, you know, aromatherapy or yoga or crystal singing bowls or grounding. All of these things are out there and available, and a lot of them are very inexpensive and easy to do. As somebody who is navigating a cancer diagnosis, it tremendous with relieving of the stress. Once a week, my good friend would lay me down on her massage table and put oil all over my back, and then sprinkle a dozen different essential oils all over me.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:13:20) - And it just I smelled like pasta sauce, the basil and thyme and oregano. But I believe that it was super helpful because not only did it reduce my stress levels, it allowed me to sleep better, but it also I believe that it helped in my healing.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:13:39) - And it probably made you feel delicious too.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:13:42) - Yes, it made me feel delicious in a time when I was not feeling the best at all, It was the worst period of my life.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:13:53) - To be sure. Well, we're going to talk more about cancer, how to deal with it, and how to not only survive, but thrive with it with Tonya Baillargeon. And we'll be right back.
Announcer (00:14:42) - Welcome back to Dream Power Radio with your host, Debbie Spector. Weisman.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:14:48) - Yes, welcome back to Dream Power Radio. I'm your host, Debbie Spector. Weisman. And we're talking about cancer with Tonya Baillargeon. Tonya, when somebody has just received the diagnosis, all kinds of fears and worries go through their head. So when you talk to somebody who's just received a diagnosis, what are some of the things you tell them to help them cope with the situation?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:15:14) - Well, first we have a consultation, and we talk about how they feel about it. What their diagnosis is. And we ask some hard questions like "Do you want to live like this?" Not everybody answers yes to that, and they don't always answer it out loud to me. And it's a deeply personal thing, and not everybody wants to battle and win. Some people want to accept their diagnosis and transition, and that's difficult, but it is a reality.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:15:49) - So we have a frank conversation. Are you prepared to throw everything into the buckets to fight? You're going to have to work on your mindset. And sometimes that's challenging for people. I recommend creating an alter ego, and that is where you envision the perfect cancer fighting warrior, whether it's Iron Man or Superman or is your grandmother because she was absolutely stubborn as all get out and tenacious. And then you just build this picture of this individual in your mind and adopt that. And every time you feel like you're having a problem, you just go back to adopting that mentality that you believe that individual would have. And the more that you wear that alter ego, the easier it is for you to have those thoughts and elevate yourself to have a mindset that is prepared to go to battle.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:16:50) - It's funny while you're saying that the phrase "fake it til you make it" came into my mind and I know it's not the same. And talking about something way, way, way more serious than just like being a better self. But I guess it's true. To take on a different persona probably helps make that little gap between what it is and what you want. It helps make that come together.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:17:15) - It does. It brings it forward. There are some celebrities that absolutely use this for their advantage. For example, Beyonce. She had Sasha Fierce. Beyonce started off as a timid, churchgoing woman, and she created this ego that could undulate on stage because she wasn't prepared to do that. So she stepped into that mindset. And look at her now, right. Kobe Bryant had Black Mamba. So there are hundreds of others that haven't published who their alter ego is. So having an alter ego absolutely does help.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:17:55) - And like yours was Wonder Woman.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:17:57) - Mind was Wonder Woman. Yep. It still is.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:18:01) - I guess you needed it. Especially because, like you said, you had a scare recently or a couple of scares recently.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:18:08) - So yeah, as a matter of fact, I found out last Thursday. No. Two days ago, I found out two days ago that the biopsy that I had last week, the tumor is benign. And I've been concerned about this for now, two and a half months. But I spent the last two and a half months breathing and with the aromatherapy diffuser going and stretching and. Just being gentle on myself and remaining positive because there's no reason to get excitable until you actually have a diagnosis.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:18:44) - So absolutely. But it also, I think, shows the power of our mind and how we really can change our body chemistry. We can believe that we can do whatever it is we want. In this case not have cancer.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:19:02) - The mind is super powerful. There's a study out there that if you're angry for like two minutes, it compromises your immune system for about five hours. And that's kind of a staggering statistic, right? So if the second you realize that you're frustrated over something or angry over something, right, it transitions out of it immediately, especially if you're already immunocompromised. And when you're going through chemotherapy and radiation, you really don't need to be angry.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:19:38) - Absolutely. In your own journey, you used alternative wellness techniques in addition to your medical treatment. Is this something that you advocate for everybody?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:19:48) - Absolutely 1,000%. I believe that you should have the right mindset. I think that is the top of the tier. And then right below it, kissing it, is your nutrition. You have to take responsibility for some of the things that you may be doing that could have compromised you to allow this to occur. I'm not saying anybody deserves this diagnosis, but you have to. I did not eat correctly. I was not exercising. So you want to acknowledge the things that contributed negatively towards your health and change them immediately. You want to eat nutritious, healthy, organic food if you can. You want the right supplementation. I added herbal remedies, aromatherapy, breathwork, meditation, walking on the grass, barefoot on the ground to do the grounding techniques. Detoxifying baths. I believe that in order to heal, we need to do it holistically. Mind. Body. Spirit.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:20:58) - Absolutely. But you wouldn't advocate not having medical treatment.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:21:03) - Oh absolutely not. So I think that you need to have a conversation with your oncologist. I absolutely did, I said. What's the treatment plan? And he said, we're going to do surgery and then we're going to do a chemotherapy radiation sandwich. I said, I'll have the tuna. But I was being funny. Like, obviously I went and had that. But I said to him, I said, okay, so I'm going to be doing these other things in addition, and I want you to be aware of that. And during that conversation, I brought up herbalism, and he said no to that. And I said, why? And he said, because herbs can contraindicate or negate the chemotherapy. So that would not be a bonus in your case. And I said, okay. And he like he kind of rolled his eyes at me. And he's like, as long as you're not putting it in your mouth, I don't care.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:21:57) - That was enough approval from me. That to me meant that he was on board. So he knew that I was going to do all of these things. But I think the things were just as important.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:22:11) - And something you just said. Humor. Isn't that also an important component?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:22:16) - Yes. And when you're going through a cancer journey, you might have gallows humor and that's ...oh. Well.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:22:27) - So we've been talking really more about focusing on the mindset and the attitude that a person can have while they get a diagnosis and undergo treatment. I want to talk about the actual changes to the body, because chemotherapy and other kinds of cancer drugs can result in hair loss and fatigue, or extreme weight loss, or other things I'm not even aware of that it can lead to. But all of this could be devastating to a person because changes the way they see themselves. So how do you help them cope with these changes?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:23:03) - Well, first I take out my teeth so they can see that I don't have any teeth left.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:23:07) - I'm half joking here. Right. So there's a host of different side effects that you can or may or may not end up with. A lot of times you do lose your hair. So going into that, knowing it's not just the hair on your head. Common sense tells you that, but common sense goes out the window the second that you receive a cancer diagnosis. I had a mohawk for the first time in my life at 38, because I could, right? Like because I was going to lose it anyway. So I rocked the Mohawk, and the day before I went into the hospital for my first treatment, we shaved the rest of it all. I had to be in-patient for four days, once a month. It was drastic. And then I went home and the first thing I wanted was a shower. And I lost all of my pubic hair. And then I had a meltdown in the shower over some dumb pubic hair, because even though I knew I was going to lose my hair, the reality of it was it was shocking to me in the moment.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:24:12) - So we talked about stuff like that. Hair loss. You're going to keep your beard, you might keep your underarm hair, you might lose your eyelashes, you might not it it's hit or miss. It really is. You may lose your teeth. Radiation can destroy your teeth. You may end up with skin rashes or radiation burns. I have what I call 'poopsidents' because my radiation was over my abdomen. My body doesn't always give me the signals in time to tell me that I have to go to the bathroom. So wherever I am, three seconds, they're like, we have to go to the bathroom. And I'm like, and sometimes I don't quite make it to the bathroom. So the reality of that is I carry around a kit. And we talk about reality and how we should be grateful. So I'm grateful I still have a body. I'm grateful that I was able to come through the other side. Gratitude really brings a sense of peace during this time, and it can be exceedingly challenged and challenging to get there.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:25:24) - It really can. And for me, the gratitude came later.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:25:28) - Later meaning after you --
Tonya Baillargeon (00:25:31) - After I went through my journey. You could have a disconnection to the Divine Feminine or the Divine Masculine, depending on your gender and what kind of cancer you had. I had to go after the entire journey of dealing with the cancer walk, I got to the other side. And then there was loss and depression and grief. And a friend of mine said of, of course you're upset. The thing that defines you as a woman tried to murder you. And until he said that, like it, really, it didn't resonate with me. So there's mental health aspects, PTSD that come along with it, that the medical system as it built isn't really prepared to help you with. Which is why you should seek therapy or counseling or coaching or mentorship while you're going through this. Because we all need mentorship and we all need support, especially at a time like that...
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:26:40) - Yes. Well, Tonya, do you have any final thoughts for my audience?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:26:48) - Yes, absolutely. If your body is telling you that there is something off, believe it. And also get your annual scans. Early detection saves lives. Whether it's your mammo's and your pap smears or your colonoscopies. Whatever is recommended for your age, your gender, and you based on your medical background. So that's going to be different for everybody. But follow the regiment because those things are important.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:27:21) - And Tonya, how can people find out more about you and your work?
Tonya Baillargeon (00:27:25) - Linktree/power pantaloons is how you can find me.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:27:30) - Well, Tonya, thank you so much for being on Dream Power Radio today.
Tonya Baillargeon (00:27:35) - Thank you so much, Debbie, for having me.
Debbie Spector Weisman (00:27:37) - We've been speaking about thriving while surviving cancer with Tonya Baillargeon. Hope you've enjoyed today's program. If so, please hit that subscribe button so you don't miss out on any future episodes. Until next time, this is Debbie Spector Weisman saying sweet dreams, everybody.
Announcer (00:27:56) - You've been listening to Dream Power Radio with your host, Debbie Spector Weisman. For more information on Debbie or to sign up for her newsletter, go to DreamPowerRadio.com. This has been Dream Power Radio.