Redrawing My Own Path, Part 1 | Ep. 010

Join host Lynn Debilzen in this solo episode on Redraw Your Path, where she talks about her own journey and first big turn in life, and making sense of her new direction. This episode covers:

• How disconnected our minds and bodies can become when we bury physical symptoms and the signs our bodies are giving us
• The stigma of mental health and how sometimes a mental health diagnosis can wake us up to what we need in life
• How to balance a desire for prestige with a need to live out personal values

Tune in for a dynamic discussion on life and growth!

Connect with Lynn:

• www.redrawyourpath.com
• www.lynndebilzen.com
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynndebilzen/

Transcript

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Lynn 0:01

Hey friends, welcome to Redraw Your Path, a podcast where I share stories of people who have made big changes in their lives and forged their own unique paths. Guests talk about their moments of messiness, fear, and reframing on their way to where they are now. I'm Lynn Debilzen, and my goal is to inspire you about the shape your life could take. So let's get inspired. Hey, y'all. I am so excited to talk with you today and we are going to be doing something a little bit different that I'm excited about and slightly nervous. So when I launched this podcast, I was really thrilled to get other people's stories out there because the more I connected with people while going through a pretty intensive job search, and just figuring out next steps over the last year and a half. The more I thought, wow, this person has a really powerful story. They need to get it out there. And maybe I could provide the platform for that. So that's how Redraw Your Path was born. It was the idea that I would be sharing other people's stories. And then I started to realize, Oh, I'm going to have to share my story at some point. And I'll probably do that over a series of episodes, because you don't want to hear me talk on and on and on about my life story. I will save that for my book. today I'm going to dive into some of my past and my story so that you can get to know me more as your host of Redraw Your Path. And, You can get to know me more, maybe, as a friend or a family member, so I'm excited to dive in and I thought, why not just answer some of the questions that I ask my guests when they are here. in the hot seat. So here goes. So my first question I always ask guests is give me some context about where and how you grew up. I'm excited to answer that one. I grew up in a teeny tiny village, called Francis Creek in northeast Wisconsin, about 30 minutes away from Green Bay. You may have noticed, I've had a lot of guests from Wisconsin, and that's because my first 22 years of life were there, and my last five years, between 35 and 40, were in Wisconsin. So I grew up in a small village lived my whole life in the same house until I went away to college had two very hard working parents My mom, I got to watch her go to school, and finish her bachelor's degree while working full time. So, as a young kid, obviously I wasn't thinking about it then, but now I look back and I'm like, Wow, that is a lot to be working full time and going to night school and it was before the The days of online classes. So she worked really hard. She worked in healthcare finance and I remember visiting her at work a lot. She took me at least once, maybe multiple years to take your daughter to work day. And I used to. Look through those big ledgers of accounting charts printed on that old paper, you know, the old white and green striped computer paper. And she would give me a task Put me to work. So, I very early was like, okay, this is what an accountant does. And then my dad was a banker. He actually was the banker at the bank in our home village. So we had a home village of 600 people. And after school, a lot, I would stop at the bank and say hi to my dad on the way home from school and try to get a, lollipop from the tellers at the bank. And that was really fun. I also watched them when I was young be super involved in the community. I mean, they were involved in multiple groups volunteer groups and civic organizations. my childhood was being part of that. And I grew up with a a park right in my backyard. So I had access to a playground all the time and I spent a lot of time kind of free roaming, with friends and going back and forth between my house and friends houses and the park and playing roller hockey and it was a lot of fun. I grew up going to Catholic school, so I went to Catholic school, kindergarten through halfway through college, actually, and I think that gave me an incredibly strong foundation, both educationally as well as ethically and morally. it's interesting. I no longer identify as Catholic, but I think my Catholic education, I credit that, to a lot of who I am today. And specifically as I got into high school, the groundedness in social justice principles. So, that, that's a bit about my education. my parents divorced when I was 14, and that rocked my world, honestly, I'm still talking about it, in therapy, 25 years later. But that was a big shakeup, although I think my parents did a really good job of making sure that I could stay in the same house and be pretty. Self directed in terms of where I spent my time, and I really appreciate that. another piece about how I grew up that I think is really important to who I am now is, I grew up traveling. It wasn't international travel, it was almost always domestic travel, although we did take a road trip once through parts of Canada. But every year my family would load up the Ford Aerostar and we would jump in the van and we would road trip all over the country. And we did that. ever since I was a little, little kid, and we would always stay at Timeshare. We would go grocery shopping in the beginning of the week. My parents did a really, really good job of instilling that adventure and travel desire to see other places in me. So then the next question I ask my guests is Where and how am I currently spending my days? Because, you know, I like to bookend the conversation. Where did I start and where am I now? So where and how am I currently spending my days? I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And the last few months I've actually spent a lot of time going back and forth between here and California. I found love and have a partner who is amazing, and he's across the country. So, luckily I had started a business early last year and because of that, I'm able to spend time out there and he's able to spend time here, which has been amazing. Then professionally, I have been building a business for about the last year and the first six months of that has been just figuring out what that looked like. I never thought I would be an entrepreneur. I never, you know, like woke up and decided I want to start my own thing. It was really through a process of going through a job search, and I, I'll talk about that, on a different episode, but going through a job search and then realizing, you know what, I have a lot to offer the world. And the more I talk to people, the more I realize, oh, actually, like, there is a different path out there for me, and that involves building my own business and deciding how I want my life to look. And it doesn't just have to be a nine to five. So what I'm doing in my business I am a coach and I support highly sensitive folks, primarily women, to see their superpowers and their strengths and really lean into them and realize the superpowers they are bringing to the table in the workplace and in their communities every single day. And I help them build confidence and really own that. also, with launching Redraw Your Path I'm excited that I'll be rolling out a Redraw Your Path Accelerator program in the next couple months. And I'm spending time doing nonprofit consulting. As well. And I spend a lot of time volunteering and taking care of my health. That is my number one priority. Living with a chronic illness. So that's where I'm currently spending my days. So the next question I ask guests is, most of us grew up with external pressures or expectations placed on us. Molds that we didn't really ask for. And what were some of those for you? And what path were you expected to take, if any? like I shared in terms of how I grew up my parents were very hardworking and so that was never a question of how hardworking I would need to be. And I'll share that I started working as young as I possibly could. I started babysitting at the age of 12, and worked for several families from then through my teenage years. But then, as soon as I turned 14, I got my worker's permit and I started my part time job, journey. And from the age of 14 through the age of 39 worked multiple jobs always. It's rare that I can remember that I was working just one role and not doing a side hustle or not working multiple part time jobs. So it was definitely expected that I was hardworking. It was always expected that I would go to college that was not a question and I think came out of that really strong educational foundation and then I think this was never explicit for sure, but I think it was expected that I would have a career That was pretty linear and that made sense. And like I mentioned both my parents were basically in the finance space. So an accountant and a banker. My brother had gone to college for information systems. So all pretty technical type careers. And so it was never an explicit. thing at all. And definitely I remember when I was a kid and even in high school when I wanted to pursue a career in education and be a teacher, that was always supported, but I think it was implicit that, you'll have a pretty linear career. You go to college, you choose your thing. And that's what happens. And because that is basically, everything I was exposed to, I had developed those own expectations of myself that I would also have a very linear career and just follow the path that I set out to. in college. So those were, I think, the expectations that were placed on me. Again, not explicit, but ones that I had kind of internalized for myself. So the first question I always ask my guests after that, you know, is what was the first big way you redrew your path? So for me, this holds a pretty big spot in my brain. Because It was such an abrupt shift for me. And I think in many ways I'm still making sense of it, honestly. So, I had gone to college for civil engineering. I had taken those assessments in high school and despite having like a million interests I was really good at math and science, and that had always come really easily to me. And so, I think an assessment had suggested, oh, you should be an engineer, or you could be an engineer. And given my strong background in math and science and doing well on those college entrance exams, I decided I'm going to be an engineer. I had applied to six schools and one of the ones that I had gotten accepted to just, really, really felt right to me. When I stepped on campus the first time, it just felt like this is where I am meant to be and I was able to start engineering major right away freshman year, which I loved that idea of just like really diving into it. And, you know, I was ready to start my life. Let's get going. Right. So I started my freshman year had a couple engineering classes freshman year. I had engineering classes sophomore year. And one huge impact sophomore year was I had always known that I wanted to study abroad. I remember seeking out the study abroad office, like, my first week on campus freshman year because I knew I had to be on top of it, especially as an engineering major. Coursework is really important, the sequence. So I, I decided, I better figure out what I'm doing for study abroad when I'm doing that, where I'm going, etc. And I ended up studying abroad my second semester sophomore year. And I went to Ireland and I look back now and it's so funny to me because I chose Ireland because I speak English and because I thought it would be the least uncomfortable in terms of moving out of my comfort zone. And it, it would not be a shock to my system. I didn't really speak any other languages. I had taken four years of German in high school, but didn't, didn't really speak it. So I thought, okay, Ireland, it feels safe. They speak English, it's kind of like America and so I'm just laughing because now knowing how adventurous I am and how excited I am to learn new languages um, it's just funny looking back. But I studied abroad in Ireland. And I came back after that semester away, and, despite my first month feeling really homesick I loved studying abroad. I thrived. Um, I traveled, all over Europe. I made such good friends, And it was just, like, really good. really magical, right? Like, in the way that traveling internationally can be really magical for a 20 year old who hasn't explored before. But I had come back from studying abroad and, immediately went back actually into my, my village. So I had an internship lined up that summer at the Department of Transportation. It was actually my second year interning there because remember like I was on top of my shit, right? I was like, let's start my life as an engineer. So I had an internship freshman year already. So I came back, I lived at home, with my mom for the summer. And I. was an intern at the Department of Transportation and I remember that summer just feeling so much reverse culture shock. It was actually really destabilizing for me. I wanted to walk everywhere. I wanted to go to the grocery store every day like, you do in Europe. And that just wasn't the way of living, the way of life at home. And so I just remember really, really, really struggling with reverse culture shock. But I had my internship and I do remember that summer feeling, I worked four 10 hour days, and then I would have the weekends, free three day weekends. And I remember feeling so tired during the three day weekends that I really, wouldn't do much. then I went back to college in the fall, and I had started to develop pretty intense daily headaches. And Headaches weren't necessarily new for me. I have had headaches ever since I was a kid, but they were showing up every single day and I was going through ibuprofen, at a ridiculous rate and still doing well in school, but just was, it was pretty intense, right? Like, I think I was taking 19 credits that semester. And getting daily headaches and I finally was able to get in to an appointment with my family doctor and went home for the weekend for that appointment. And, I remember saying, Hey doc everything's great. Love my life. But I'm. Getting headaches, and I'm pretty sure I have a brain tumor and he, like a very good doctor started just asking some more questions. I'm sure he probably gave me a depression screener at that time or some other screeners. I don't quite remember, but I remember him saying are you enjoying what you're learning? And I just, I broke down in tears. I was like. I don't, like, I don't know not really like I'm good at it but I, I like, I'm really feeling like it's not really resonating with me and I remember just crying in his office and he, he, uh, It looked at me and very kindly just said I think you're depressed. And I remember this is just so funny because like so many people have heard these words before, but I remember the world stopping and I was like, what? No, I can't be depressed. I'm the happiest person I know. I'm cheery. I'm sunny. What are you talking about? And I just looked at him with disbelief and he was like, I think you're suffering from depression. Depression can often show up in our bodies. And I was like, no, come on. Like, we've got to get a second opinion here. And it was just, I think to me. I remember walking out from that appointment and being so confused. I felt so alone in the world and I honestly felt like no one in my life, I'd never heard depression talked about in a way that felt real to me or like someone else I knew had experienced it, To me, it was like huge and new. And looking back, it makes sense because it was new to me, but I remember being just really feeling alone. And That weekend I just did a lot of thinking, um, and I had no idea what to do, but I knew, I knew I was on the wrong path. Like, I knew hey, like, I am two and a half years in to this, this So, yeah. degree which to me at the, like, at the time felt like, well, I'm more than halfway there. Why would I not continue? I just felt so hopeless. And like, well, what am I supposed to do? I knew engineering wasn't right for me. I think since studying abroad, I had felt a pull to do something that really made a difference in the world in the way that I wanted to feel that difference. Like, I wanted to help people. And obviously engineering helps people on a mass scale. But a little bit more distant than I wanted it to feel. And I remember feeling, over that weekend, just feeling so lost and talking with my parents about it. And, one of the things I thought about was I really wanted to take some time off, I really just, like, didn't know what was next and I remember, actually, I remember trying to convince my mom, just let me take some time off, which is funny because I was 20. I was like an adult for the most part. On paper, I definitely didn't feel like an adult and you know, like always value important stakeholders opinions in my life. But I remember I wanted to take time off and I wanted to spend some time really figuring out what was next for me. And I thought, okay, like I'll, I'm going to take some time off. I'll get a job at a restaurant or what's very common in Wisconsin for a job is like I'll bartend and I'll talk to people and I will just figure it out. And I remember both of my parents. being pretty opposed to that idea. And I think now, I understand. But this was before the Affordable Care Act. So health insurance was a thing, as it is in 2024. Health insurance is still a thing. But for young people before the Affordable Care Act, for those of you who don't know college students were able to remain on their parents health insurance as long as they were in school. If you were not in school, you basically went without health insurance because there wasn't a healthcare exchange at that time. And I remember my Parents being like, no, like you need to have a health insurance. And I remember driving back to campus that weekend getting a ride with a friend and talking with my friend about what was going on and I really want to make a difference in the world. And, I'm really scared because I was just put on this medication and like, what does it mean to be a person with depression? And I just felt like I had a big sign on my forehead. And I felt so alone. And I talked to her about wanting to help people and she just very casually was like, It sounds like you want to do social work. And I was like, what? Like, I actually didn't even know what a social worker was. That's how privileged my upbringing was, but I didn't know what a social worker was. And she was like, yeah, based on what you're saying, you want to help people, but you don't want to be a teacher and you want to make sure people have the support they need in life. I think that sounds like social work, which is what my friend was majoring in. And I was like, huh, okay. And one thing to know about me is I am really good under pressure. I think many people get a depression diagnosis and they like wallow. And I was like, all right, I'm going to wallow for about 36 hours. And then since, I basically need to stay in school because I didn't see any other option, I'm going to get to work researching. So my friend suggested social work. I decided, okay, let me look up what is social work? What do social workers do? what kind of social workers are there? And I started reaching out to the social work department at my school and at another school in the same city that I was in and just trying to figure out like, all right, I know engineering isn't the right path. What is the right path? I was still in the middle of a semester. Like I was taking all these engineering classes and I still wanted to do well. Like I couldn't imagine not getting all A's in my classes. So I continued down that path just in case. And I was also taking on, all this research for a new major, working part time, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And probably within five weeks, I knew, all right, I'm gonna change my major to social work. What I decided to do was transfer schools, because financially it made sense to transfer schools since I would be taking a fifth year. which is a whole thing. There's a lot of paperwork you have to apply and within two months I was a social work major at another university. And it was a complete 90 degree turn. And like I said, I think I'm still making sense of that turn. And while I know it was absolutely the right turn, once I got on that path, it wasn't like, Oh, and now I'm a social worker and I will be a social worker for the rest of my life. I've actually never had the social worker job title specifically. However, that set me on a path to figuring out and uncovering some really, really beautiful gifts that I didn't know that I had. and developing some really powerful skills that I've used since then. So that was the first big way that I redrew my path. And there are going to be one or two other big ways that I redrew my path since then. Obviously that was 20 years ago. But it was Whiplash inducing, to be honest, going from yeah, I'm going to be an engineer and I'm happy and chipper and everything's fine, but I'm getting these headaches and I don't know why, to, oh, my body's trying to tell me something. And I wasn't on the right path. And it's interesting because I don't think I developed that bodily awareness that I really needed until another 10 years later, but that was, my first hint of, Lynn, your body is your compass. And since then I really learned the lesson to listen to my body. So. I think I was rewriting a lot of narratives for myself. at that time, although I felt certain I was on the right path, I was rewriting a lot of narratives around being a failure, around prestige. being a social worker, I don't know if anybody has, officially declared this, but being a social worker is not extremely prestigious. It's not high paying. At that time I didn't really care, but I think externally, based on how I grew up I think part of me did care. And there has always been a part of me that likes prestige. So there were a lot of narratives that I was rewriting at that time and that I think I'm still rewriting. And. How I worked through it, honestly, looking back, I don't think I worked through it super healthily, but I think I used all of my coping mechanisms that I had at my disposal to work through it, which I think my coping mechanisms were I took an antidepressant for the first time in my life. That helped a lot. That helped with a lot of my symptoms. And then my other coping mechanism was just get to work, right? Like, you don't have any time to waste, Lynn. You have to figure out what is next for you if it's not civil engineering. And at that time that was my coping mechanism. And that continued to be my coping mechanism for much of my adult life until my last redrawing of my path. I think that's it for this episode. I can't wait to share with you the next two. ways I redrew my path. So stay tuned for that in a future episode. And as always, you can find me at lynndebilzen. com. You can also find me at redrawyourpath. com where you can get any past episodes and reach out to me on LinkedIn, send me an email. I love hearing from folks and let me know, how is the podcast resonating with you so far? We were many episodes in and I'm excited to share with you some of my story. I appreciate all of you and have a great day. Hey, thanks for listening to Redraw Your Path with me Lynn Debilzen, If you liked the episode, please share and subscribe. That helps more listeners find me. And don't be shy, reach out and connect with me on LinkedIn. I would love to know what resonated with you. Can't wait to share more inspiring stories with you. See you next week.