Mom Guilt: Labor & Delivery

Welcome to this week's episode of the Mom Guilt Podcast. In this episode, Elizabeth and Stephanie dive deep into the topic of mom guilt surrounding labor and delivery. They share their personal experiences and discuss the different emotions and challenges they faced during the birthing process. From unexpected complications to making difficult decisions, Elizabeth and Stephanie explore the guilt and self-doubt that can arise in the midst of bringing a new life into the world.

The hosts open up about their individual birth stories, recounting moments of joy, pain, and unexpected twists. Elizabeth shares her traumatic first delivery and the guilt she carried afterward, questioning her ability as a mother. Stephanie, on the other hand, reflects on her guilt surrounding her choice to have an epidural and the judgment she felt from others. The conversation touches on the pressure to adhere to birth plans and the realities of birth not always going as expected.

Throughout the episode, Elizabeth and Stephanie emphasize the importance of supporting one another and finding solace in the shared experiences of motherhood. They discuss the healing power of talking openly about labor and delivery, providing encouragement and understanding for moms who may be struggling with their own feelings of guilt. The hosts also highlight the role of the gospel in overcoming mom guilt, reminding listeners that embracing grace and living according to God's plan can alleviate the burden of guilt and allow them to embrace their unique journey as mothers.

Tune in to this heartfelt conversation as Elizabeth and Stephanie navigate the complex world of mom guilt surrounding labor and delivery. Whether you're a new mom, experienced parent, or simply curious about the emotional challenges of motherhood, this episode offers insight, understanding, and encouragement. Don't forget to share it with a fellow mom who may need a dose of encouragement and understanding.

To find more gospel-centered resources head to https://www.resoundmedia.cc

Transcript

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Hey, before we get started, I'm one of the co-hosts and my name is Elizabeth. As you're listening to this episode, I want to ask you to think of another mom who might need to hear some encouragement in the midst of mom guilt. So if you find this episode helpful, please share it with her. Let's jump into this week's episode on labor and delivery guilt. This is the one thing that I will tell you you have to do, take the stool softener. After you get birth, take the stool softener because that first poop is terrible.

Welcome to this week's episode of the MomGail podcast. This podcast is really just a conversation between friends. Elizabeth and I together have seven kids. I have four kids and she has three kids.

And what we have realized is MomGail is just a daily part of our lives. And it has been so helpful for her and I to talk through these things, whether it's on the phone when I'm having a rough day or on playdates when stuff happens. And so our goal for this podcast is just to let you listen in on conversations that Elizabeth and I are having all the time. And we have really found that through these conversations, what has really helped us get rid of this mom guilt is the gospel. Because the gospel doesn't just impact one aspect of our lives, it impacts everything. And we've really felt when applying the gospel to this mom guilt, we've become unburdened by that guilt and living the way that God wants us to live.

Yeah.

So I am Stephanie, and the last time that I felt mom guilt was earlier this week. It is my youngest third birthday, which just is crazy that my baby is 33. But with a birthday comes all the birthday parties. Yeah. And with four kids and everything that we're doing, we're still remodeling our house. I just have not had the time or effort that I normally put into my kids' parties. And so for the first time ever, I am buying a Costco cake instead of making a homemade

cake.

And you are an amazing baker. Thank you. I really enjoy baking. It's a way that like I try to show my kids I love them by giving them these really fun birthday cakes. And I just this year, I'm like, you know what, I just can't do it. And so I feel so guilty about not having like this Pinterest quality party for my son.

Which in the past, you've blown me away with that. You like the cakes you make are so amazing. But I want to tell you that your kids know you love them. Whether you-

That's what I'm trying to tell myself.

It's a homemade or store bought.

It's just hard because I just feel like everything for him is just a leftover. It's because he's my fourth and it's not really true.

No.

But I just, you know, don't want him to grow up and get older and be like, Mom, why did all of these, my siblings have these amazing cakes and I clearly got a store-bought one. So I'm just scared of the future and feeling guilty for stuff that hasn't even happened

yet. Yeah, I understand that. But he'll just look back and know that he felt special and loved and... But they just loved me sometimes, you know?

It gets smashed anyways. All right. I need to not worry about it.

Although your cakes are better than Starbucks.

Oh, thank you.

I can attest to that. But you are a good mom. Thank you.

I just want to reassure you.

Well, my name is Elizabeth and the last time that I felt mom guilt was actually, might have been like five days ago when I was grocery shopping and I brought my baby, who at that time wasn't quite two or just turned two. And she is a funny girl. Like she has a lot of personality and so she was just giving every person stink eye like oh And I tell her be nice Don't you know don't do that and so then now every person that walked by she would say be nice be nice Be nice with stink eye and I was so like first I was embarrassed and then I'm like, oh my gosh, people are gonna think that like, I'm so mean to her. Like, what? Like, why? You know, like, it just made me feel like, oh, I'm probably not teaching her very well. And I'm a bad mom.

That to me is like a perfect example of like, following what mom says, like actions, but not really like the heart.

Not applying it to your own life.

Everyone else needs to be nice.

What a great sermon illustration.

Isn't that just the baby of the family? Everyone needs to be nice to me, you know? And then all the problems will be better. But yeah, I laughed about it, but in the moment, I was just like,

please be quiet.

Oh, that's funny. I think we've all been there. Certain grocery store behaviors that make us feel guilty.

I know I have.

It's like, it's almost every time I bring a child with me.

And okay, on the flip side, when I'm shopping and somebody else's kid is maybe struggling a little bit, like I never think bad of that mom. I'm just like, oh girl, I've been there.

And like if it was someone else's child that did that to me, I would just laugh. Yeah, you know, but if I was there, I feel like I would have laughed. But when it's your kid, you're like, please stop. No, it's it was fine. She'll probably do it again, but it was okay.

Awesome. Well, today on the podcast, we are talking about mom guilt surrounding labor and delivery. Yeah, I almost feel like we're talking about it and it's like bringing up anxiety. It is. It brought up a lot of feelings for me thinking about, like, what am I going to talk about on this episode?

Like reliving it, although it's, you know, we'll get more into it, but you're like, those were some of the hardest days of my life. For sure. So I'm excited to talk about it, but yet kind of scared. A little terrified.

Yeah, it's like the hardest thing I've ever had to go through like physically with my body.

That's intense. Do you feel like, I don't know if you feel this way or if you've done this, but do you feel like as moms it's like healing to talk about though? It is. So that's what I was,

okay, so for me I think most moms love like a good birth story. Yeah, I do. We just kind of want to share super quick because we're gonna have seven of them. How long do you have? This is going to be a three hour episode. No, so do we just want to kind of start with sharing what it looks like for some of our

kids? Yeah, I don't know why, but there's something about talking about it that just like, I'm loading this with a mom that gets it. So yeah, so you have four kids. So tell me about yours.

Yeah, so my oldest is Bailey. She just turned eight. And with hers super speedy, like my water broke. I didn't know my water broke, because newsflash, it's not like the movies when your water breaks, at least it wasn't for me. So I didn't know my water broke. So I actually didn't go into the hospital. And when I did go into the hospital, it was because I didn't feel good, and I had an infection, and she had an infection. So it was like an emergency induction. So it was like the Pitocin got started, and it was like, I went in at 6 p.m., and I think she was born at like 7 a.m. so it was all through the night. So with her I actually did not get an epidural and I did it completely natural because that was my birth plan and it was my first sign of what to expect and we'll get into this I'm sure more later in the episode. So that was my first. My second one, Charity, she was born like 15 months afterwards so I very vividly remembered how painful childbirth was. So when I got to a certain point I was going to try to not do it with an epidural, but I was also super scared. So my husband and I actually had like this code word because sometimes in labor,

you're like,

I want an epidural because you want your husband to talk you out of it and be like, no, you can do this. So we have this code word that if I said I wanted an epidural pineapple, it meant don't try to talk me out of this. You help this epidural happen fast. So I had a certain point. I'm like, I want an epidural pineapple. And so he knew. I got an epidural, yeah. And then with my third, with Levi, I had actually a really bad experience with the epidural with Charity. And so for him, I still wanted something. And it was like a new thing between Charity and Levi. They did laughing gas. Oh yeah. So I actually used laughing gas while I was pushing with Levi. And then with Micah, Micah was my COVID baby. And I was planning on using the laughing gas because I actually really liked that. And they took it away. And they said because of COVID, it could increase the transmission in the hospital if I had COVID. I'm like, I'll take a COVID test to prove I don't have COVID just so I can have this. And they said, no, I'm sorry, you can't have it. And so with Mike, I actually did it again with nothing. Oh my goodness. Like, but his was super short. I was walking around dilated to a six, not in labor. So I went into the hospital, they broke my water, and like three hours later he was in my arms. Holy cow. So it was crazy to go from like no labor all of a sudden to transition, super intense contractions, and then pushing in four and waiting for hours. Which your body remembers, but it's still so hard. It was crazy. That's crazy. So I feel like I've kind of done a lot of the options that are out there. You really have. You've experienced kind of all of it. And it was in a hospital, it was not a home birth or like at a birthing center or something. So I know that's a whole other thing that people can talk about too. But my rural hospital.

Yeah.

So with my labor and deliveries, so it's kind of funny. My first, it was like the movies. Like I woke up in the middle of the night and like gushing water. Like just like in the movies. I was like, what? And that was my first sign of labor, which is now I know very rare. But the problem with that is that when your water breaks, you have to give birth within like 24 hours or there's risk of infection.

I know that one.

Yeah, exactly. So I went in and my first labor and delivery was probably, I will say, the most traumatic. And it is the one that I have the most guilt and kind of trauma around. I mean, I'm not, you know, a psychologist or anything, but it's the one that was the hardest for me. So basically I was in labor like dilating but no progression and turns out I have really big babies But you don't know right? Yeah, so I pushed for three and a half hours. I did try the laughing gas I didn't love that that for me, but I did get an epidural, but it didn't work And so by the time I was pushing I could feel everything And he just wouldn't come out. So So basically, it got to the point where I was so tired, so exhausted from pushing like every couple minutes for three and a half hours. Oh my goodness. I just was like, get him out of me. Like, I don't think I was in the right state of mind. So basically, they ended up using like the four steps, right?

Yeah.

And then they vacuumed him out. And looking back, I'm like, like, I didn't know if I was really in tune to his safety in that more than just like, I felt like if he didn't get out of me, I was gonna die. Yeah, which turns out I lost a lot of blood. They were like on the fence of giving me a blood transfusion. Oh, wow. Um, things like that. They told me I was like, right on the line, like my hemoglobin was like, or something. I don't know. I don't remember exactly. It's been years. But yeah, so even after I felt like I was like in a daze, like I remember holding him, but feeling like not with it to the point where like my husband actually held him right away.

And I actually had that with one of mine too, because it was such a long labor that by the time he was born, I physically was shaking so bad and so exhausted. I'm like, John, you have to hold him because I might drop him.

Yeah.

Which made me feel so guilty. Like I just gave birth to this baby and I don't want to hold him like what is wrong with me?

Oh I was so out of it and it got like you know you have to go to the bathroom they make you get up and go to the bathroom.

Oh it's the worst.

It is.

Well I lost so much blood that I fainted in the bathroom. So I slept like because they didn't give me a blood transfusion.

I...

You're anemic. Yeah. So I just slept like the first few days of his life. So that one was the hardest. I also had like a fourth degree tear from, you know, anytime you like rip a baby out of you. Yeah, so it was just honestly very hard. But my second was really healing. God, I feel like really blessed me with just the easiest labor and delivery. I did have preeclampsia, but I was induced early. So he wasn't quite as big. He was big for that. For being that early. Like, I think I was 37 weeks and he was like almost 8 pounds still. So he was pretty big. Okay, yeah. But they induced me and I didn't have to use Pitocin like I had to use with my first. And I did get an epidural and it worked. And I was like pushed a couple times. I was like, is he out? And the doctor's like, yeah, he's already like, I could not feel anything. Also, before I move on, they asked me if I wanted a mirror with my first. Have you ever done that?

I have not. Nobody offered it, but I knew it was like a thing because in all of like the prenatal stuff you got to help with your birth plan and research all of this stuff to come up with like this 12 page document.

Oh yeah.

And so I knew it was a thing. Yeah. I didn't ask for it or want it.

They thought it would like motivate me to push with my first.

Yeah, a lot of women it does and that's awesome.

It was wild. I did not choose it for the second. I was like, oh my gosh, I've never seen so much blood and craziness in my life. It was interesting to say the least. But so yeah, so my second was really picture perfect for me, kind of what I always wanted. That's awesome. My third, not so much. It wasn't quite as hard as my first, but I've had to use Pitocin, her heart rate kind of started to drop. They were like literally saying we might have to do a C-section, but then they're like, let me check you. And then I was fully dilated.

Oh, wow.

So they're like, okay, nope.

No C-section.

Which I was so grateful for, because that was just scary. I mean, anything new is scary. But TOR, I didn't tear with my second, TOR with my third again. Yeah, so that's kind of like my short, you know, summary, which I could go on and on.

Oh, yeah.

There's so much that we're leaving out. And as you're saying stuff, I'm thinking, oh, my goodness. Yes, I had that, too.

Yeah. And I couldn't I always did it medicated. Although with my first, it kind of felt unmedicated. So I hear your story. I'm like, oh, my gosh, like, how did you do it?

For me, I hear for you epidural because I had such a bad experience. I'm like, man, moms that have C-sections and have to get like that. Is it a spinal block? They're technically different, but they're very similar. You're like an epidural. I'm like, I would rather go through natural labor birth with no pain medication than ever do that again, which is what I chose for my next two. So I think it's just whatever fits your personality or whatever, like, is with the situation of the birth. No two labors are the same. At least it hasn't been that experience for me.

Yeah. So I kind of shared like a little bit of guilt that I had. Have you had any guilt or?

Oh, for sure. Yeah, with Bailey, especially because I'm like, how did I not know that my water broke? How did I then not understand that I was sick? Because I get into the OB appointment, I think in God's providence, I just had one that next day. Yeah. And I just had mentioned, I'm like, hey, you know, the baby doesn't seem to be moving like she normally has. And they're like, let's just do a stress test. Like, okay, so I go in there, which I fail. And then I go into this other, like the next step of like an ultrasound stress test, which they're like, you have almost no amniotic fluid. I'm like, oh, well, a couple of days ago, I guess maybe, maybe in hindsight, my water broke. And so, then I went to the hospital and I had like a fever. And they're like, how did you not know that you were like having a fever? And I'm like, okay, it's the end of May and it's really hot. Our house didn't have air conditioning at that point. You feel horrible at the end of pregnancy. My first thought was not, I must be sick. It's like labor and pregnancy is the worst. You've never done it. Like, no, I had never done it. I had no idea what to expect, but I felt so guilty because me not realizing that. Really was intense for myself, but then more so for my daughter, because she had to then go in. She like wasn't in NICU, but she had to have like an IV with antibiotics and he had to stay longer. I felt so guilty that I failed her right off the bat as a mom because then with her being antibiotics and eating so much food that impacted how much I needed to nurse, which if you've listened to our breastfeeding one that has came out by this point, like you'll know that didn't go well for me. So there was so much guilt around that. And then also, like, I remember with charity when I decided to have an epidural, I felt really guilty because the anesthesia person came in and looked at me. And I kid you not, like, I verified this with my husband that I didn't just make this up. He's like, no, he said that. He looked at me, he goes, you did your first with an epidural. Why are you asking for one with your second?

Excuse me.

And I'm like, wow, I'm asking for one anyways. This is your job. You're getting paid to do this.

And why would you say that to me? I have no, I'm so sorry.

That makes me angry for you. I kind of anticipated that maybe from like other moms that had done it natural, but from the anesthesiologist, I was super taken aback that he would ask me that in such a tone. Like if it was like a, so you know, why are you having an epidural this time? Because they have to chart something. That's like one thing. But this was said in a very judgy way.

Yeah, like, come on, don't be a wimp or something like that. Like, which, excuse me, that is excruciating pain. If you want something, shut up and do it.

Come on, dude, I don't want your opinion.

I'm so sorry.

No, I am over it now, but it took me a lot of talking with John and him just my husband and encouraging me like, hey, you are no less of a woman because you got an epidural and that was wrong of him to try to put that on you. Yeah, like there's just so many reasons that didn't make sense, but that was a really hard thing for me to come over that. Yeah. So have moms

ever said anything to you or like have you ever felt guilt

or shame from just other areas for me? Um so because I've done three of mine without an epidural, it makes me feel kind of awkward because I, when I'm, when women would ask me like what did you do, I don't ever want to feel like I'm judging another mom because I did three of mine like, not even naturally because with two of my I had laughing gas, but it makes it awkward for me to, and I kind of sheepishly be like, well, I did for one, but not my other three and just kind of bracing myself because it's not said in like, I don't want them to think I'm being prideful in it because I'm not like I chose that because I had such a bad experience in the nephederal. And so it's almost guilt from people maybe thinking that I'm trying to be prideful in it, but I'm not. Yeah, no, I don't. That makes any sense. I've never felt that way when we've talked about it. I know like, the kind of the area we live in, you do have some like groups of women that are very natural. That is kind of growing and that's kind of I've noticed that in the churches I've been at. So I have had moms say to me like, you don't want to drug your baby and things like that. I've had like you want to do a home birth and hospitals are bad. I've had that said to me a lot. I think just having thick skin.

I'm just like, okay.

Part of a thing that you need to develop as a mom pretty quickly is having thick skin or knowing how to like take everything like and maybe reject all of the stuff that's drudgy and then maybe there's some truth in some of it but then that's hard to decipher.

It starts in pregnancy, right? Like, I mean, it starts in pregnancy.

Do you take Tylenol? What kind of medications do you take while pregnant? This is not a new, like, isolated to labor and delivery.

It is really sad that by the time we get to, like, delivery, we're kind of already like, oh, we already have our guard up and we're used to it. Although, like, I did listen to other moms' stories. I can, I've really tried to consider all options. Even, like, comparison was hard for me.

Yeah.

Like, even between my own mom, like, she is like the baby maker and deliverer. She had four kids and popped them out in 30 minutes. Not enough time for an epidural. That was such a blessing to her. I'm a twin, so she had twins and we were premature, so she did have an epidural with us. With the other three, she didn't. I think I kind of expected my labor and delivery to go like that. I'm like, that was my mom. Mine will be like that too. And even when it didn't, I felt like, okay, what's wrong with me? What did I do? And even my mom, she was there for my first, which was really traumatic. She told me, she's like, that kind of traumatized me. I know. So my labor and deliveries were never like that. So kind of feeling like either maybe I got like, what's the right word, like slated?

Is that, oh, slided?

Slided, whatever the word is. Like, you know, like I got robbed of this amazing labor and delivery that other women have. And so I've kind of struggled with comparison and social media too, it makes it seem always magical. It makes it seem like it, or the movies make it seem like that too. Yeah.

Or really over the top.

It's, you know, it's kind of, depending on what movie you see. So then there was guilt from that. Like, why can't I have that? Why, you know, what am I doing?

Yeah. Did you ever make a birth plan with any of yours?

So I was highly encouraged to, but I never did. I'm not a planner. I'm not a planner and I didn't want to get my hopes up. I know you said you had a birth plan? How is that kind of experience for you?

I actually have a history in nursing. So part of my schooling was I had to take a labor and delivery class on like the nursing side of it. And so because I had that experience, I had like, I didn't actually write it out, but my husband and I had like a, if this is possible, this is what I would like.

Yeah.

And so I didn't have an actual document that I like brought into my doctor's office.

Yeah, can I ask you?

They do. And I know a lot of other moms that have done that, but what I knew about my personality was I love to check those boxes because I like to measure if I succeed or if I fail by how many boxes is checked. And I knew from the nursing side of it that there are very few labors that go exactly as planned. And so with my personality, I didn't want to come in with this because I knew if all of my boxes weren't checked, I would walk away feeling like a failure. Yeah. And I have talked to so many moms that have had a birth plan that nothing went like it was supposed to. And I feel like that was kind of my story with with Bailey. I mean, it wasn't on a document, but I wanted as natural as I could. I obviously didn't want to start off with an infection. Yeah. I wanted to get an IV in for safety, but not to be hooked up to any liquids. I wanted to walk the halls, I wanted to, all of these different things to make it as naturally as possible. By the time she was born, I checked zero of those boxes if I would have written it down. And so trying to come up with a birth plan, I've heard a lot of moms say they feel like a failure at giving birth because it didn't follow their birth plan. And that just makes me so sad.

Yeah, even like my sister, I mean she had a, she did kind of want to do natural. She had her birth plan and her thing was, you know, honestly, I don't care how it goes as long as I don't have a C-section. That was her thing.

That was my like, so I guess I did check that box with my first, I didn't have a C-section.

Yeah, which, you know, there's something about a C-section that is, can be very terrifying and she ended up having an emergency C-section and that was really hard for her. So, you know, you kind of wait and you want it to be this way. And C-sections from seeing my sister go through it are painful. They're really hard. And so she, I know she verbalized like, like this feeling let down and feeling like a failure, and we even think of like, we're talking about guilt, like there's kind of an area that I don't personally know, but moms who go in and they labor and they deliver and come home with no baby. And I think of that and I'm like, oh, like it can be in so many different ways. And I mean, I've never lived that, but I would guess that hearing from other moms that you wonder if there's something you could have done and just having that reminder. And yet you did all the work and you did all the pain. And yet like us, we had, you know, oh, but you look at your beautiful baby and it's all okay, but what if you don't have that?

Yeah, I know. So this is probably a different episode altogether, but I actually had a miscarriage for our first pregnancy. So Bailey was actually our second pregnancy. And part of my guilt that I felt with that was how come I'm not okay with every aspect of this pregnancy and this labor and delivery, because I know what it's like to be pregnant and to not have a baby in your arms.

Yeah.

And so to have that guilt of why am I not loving this? Why am I not willing to go through this? That was a huge area of guilt that isn't going to be for this episode, but for moms that have had a similar experience to mine or like what you were just saying, where you have gone through labor and for one reason or another, the baby has passed away. That is going to be a whole other episode. But I think that's we just want to acknowledge how hard that would be. And if listen, are you that has been your story, you know, after this episode, we're going to we're going to pray for you. And I just want to encourage you.

Yeah. And we would love or at least I know I would love to do an episode on grief. So if you you are listening to this and you feel called to share your story, we want other women who can relate to other women who've been through the same things. And yeah, my heart just breaks for those moms. And even like, as we talk about labor and delivery and the pain, and we talk about kind of Christian culture too, kind of like pivoting here. I've heard other moms say like, well, you know, like you shouldn't experience any pain in labor and delivery. There's actually books on this, because if you have enough faith, if you believe enough, if you trust her, whatever, you meditate enough in the Lord, you won't experience pain in child labor.

That is so interesting because I've actually had the complete opposite experience. I remember very vividly having a conversation with somebody talking about, it was before I had Bailey, do I have an epidural or do I not? And this other mom said, it's actually biblical to not have an epidural. And I was like, really? Tell me more because I want to be biblical.

Yeah.

And her reasoning was in Genesis, when Adam and Eve sinned, Eve was cursed with the pain of childbirth increasing, which then is passed on to all women. And she said, if you have an epidural, you are trying to negate the natural curse that God has given on sin. And if you're really holy and if you're really a good Christian, you're going to take that full pain of childbirth upon yourself. Like Jesus took our punishment on the cross and that you should never have an epidural or any pain medicine.

Wait, wait, wait.

I know there's so much in there that like...

I'm like shocked right now. Wait, so is it like you can be Jesus? Like you can pay for sin?

I think she was saying that like we're sinners and so we should feel the full weight of our sin and part of that full weight of our sin is feeling the pain of childbirth because biblically that's what was said to eat.

Sure, yes, sure. But like, whether you can...

Now, I'm going to say right now, listener, that was not biblical.

No.

That is taking something in scripture and adding to it or twisting what is in there trying to fit an agenda.

Yeah.

Putting something on the Bible rather than like reading the Bible and taking the intended meaning out of it. So, so that's bad. So just to clarify for anybody who's confused right now, because that was a lot.

Well, what I'm saying like, yeah, sure. What I mean is like, okay, whether you get an epidural, you do all natural, you have a C-section, you have a home birth, labor is hard. It's painful. You cannot escape the pain of it in postpartum. And like, so that's very interesting to think that like, just an epidural just wipes that all out. It's like nothing, you know, like I sneeze and the baby comes out, no pain. Cause that's not, that's never been my prescription.

That's not the case in my experience.

That's not the case in your pain medicine.

Yeah, okay, so we're kind of getting into scripture, you know, like, so that mom talked about Genesis, which we do see, right? Like we see that the pain of childbirth is part of the fall, right? But God doesn't curse, you know, childbirth, but yet it is painful and it's going to increase. The pain is going to be multiplied, right, because of the consequence of sin, right? So acknowledging that, it's normal for it to be hard and painful.

Yes. So, it's so interesting because one of the things that somebody told me that childbirth, I'm like, this is identified with that. Yes. They said, having a baby is like if you get into this horrible car accident and you're in so much pain and you're like horribly injured and then you're told to take care of the person that like caused the car accident, who is a total stranger. Yeah. And that that's like what it's like to have a baby because you just had a baby, you need help yourself and yet you have to take care of your baby. It's a total stranger and you don't know what you're doing.

Do you remember what they give you for like pain management after?

Ibuprofen and Tylenol and it's like over the counter strength and it doesn't help that

much. No. We're like, okay, like, sorry honey, but like my husband had a vasectomy and he got like actual pain meds. I'm like, are you kidding me? Like, so you not only do you have this new baby, but you really are in a lot of pain after.

Well, and every time you have a baby, my contractions after the baby are more intense and more painful. And I remember with my fourth, putting my call button on, I'm like, these hurt so much. I know that I didn't have any pain medicine to give birthday, but I cannot handle this. Can I please have something more than Tylenol and Ibuprofen? And she's like, here's a hot pack and an ice pad.

And I'm like, this is not helping. It just shows you what we have to go through. And then, can please learn how to feed your baby and change their diaper. And it is like, yeah, like I remember after I had my first in the shower crying, like because I was in so much pain. We see that as consequence of the fall. That is true. But to say that you can't take medication or anything like he said is legalism. That's adding to scripture.

Scripture does not say that. Maybe that's what you feel convicted of personally, but you can't put that conviction that you

have personally on every other person. That's not okay. We should not do that as Christians. So other scripture that came to mind, you know, so kind of going off, we should expect childbirth to be painful physically and emotionally. Like scripture says the pain is going to be multiplied, but it's not the end. Even like I think where I've the scripture that I found is Romans 8, 20 through 24. It says, for the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption, obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we are saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope for who hopes for what he sees." So, yes, it is hard and it is excruciating, it's terrible, but it is not the end. Our bodies will be redeemed. It will not be like this forever.

You know, so often you kind of hear from the medical community or different pockets of like women talking like, your body was meant for this. Like you can do this and it's all about you. But really, like a Christian that's going through labor, that verse is so encouraging because you're like, okay, yes, God created my body to do this, but sin affected God's design. The way that we labor is going to be different than God's original design was because we know Because the Bible tells us it's going to be more painful, but it also like affects all of our bodies So like me with an infection and all of these different things that can be thrown at us while we labor can be so hard and it can like that but to see the scripture saying We when we're laboring and giving birth to a child are actually a great representation of what the creation is doing, and that yes, we acknowledge it's painful now, it's painful now, and it's hard, but this future glory is coming. Yeah, and it's really interesting, child labor, it is a reminder of the fall. It is, right? But it's also a reminder that even through child labor, God sent a Redeemer, right? Like something that is, mm-hmm, that was a consequence of sin He used to redeem us from our sin. In those moments, sometimes that is what it takes to get you through the next contraction, or that's what I need to get through the guilt of, did I do everything right in my labor and deliveries? Scripture gives us freedom to choose, and neither one is sinful. Scripture does not put that on there. It doesn't say you have to endure the pain fully. So remembering that, and even as we talk to other moms, like you

said, like it's wrong for us then to put our own convictions on other moms or make other moms feel less than.

Yeah. And I think so often like this could be one of the first lessons in motherhood that you are not in control.

Yeah.

If ever I did anything in pregnancy and labor can teach me as a human being person, it's I am not in control. And in those moments when I feel that control slipping, I can either try to hold on tighter and cause pain or I can let it go and say, God, I trust you.

Yeah. Like even the birth plans, right? Like it's really just an illusion. It's not bad to have a birth plan. I think it can be helpful. I think it's good communication.

I think there's a lot of great things about planning, taking chaos and making a plan. I think that's good. I approach a lot of life that way.

But so often we put like our hope and our trust in the birth plan and not like, okay, God, I'm holding this openly. This birth will go the way you want it to. I trust you. I feel like that kind of gets into like, so how do we glorify God through this? Like you said, we can trust in him and know that we're not in control, which is hard. It really is. So can I interject and give just a little bit of advice? Yeah. So if you are a new mom and you have not given birth yet, this is the one thing that I will tell you you have to do. Take the stool softener. After you give birth, take the stool softener because that first poop is terrible. That's the only thing that I will say, please do this.

The nurses are not judging you. I've taken those glasses on the nursing side and they want you to take it just as much as you need it.

Trust me, you don't think you're going to need it, but you will. That's the only thing that I want to leave you with today. Sorry, Sophie, continue.

Listener, we just really want to encourage you to take the stool softener afterwards, but also that however you brought your baby into this world is wonderful. Praise God for that gift that he has given you. And your identity isn't in how crunchy you are, how naturally you do things, or how medical you are, and your epidural. Your identity is in Christ. So until next time, listeners, live your life unburdened from this mom guilt around labor and delivery, knowing that your identity is secure in Christ, not in your birth plan. See you next time.

So listener, we really want to hear from you. If you are struggling in areas of mom guilt,

we want to talk to you in the specific topics that you're maybe struggling with and we would love to get an email from you letting us know what those are. So if you could please email us at momguiltpodcast at gmail.com or message us on any of our social media platforms that we're on. We would love to hear you and because our desire is to create content that's a genuine conversations for us but also that's really helpful to you as a listener. So if you could email us that would be great. So if you could email us that would be great.

If you could email us, that would be great.