#57 - What's the matter? Is everything OK?

You look like you don’t feel well this morning. What’s the matter?

Oh, thanks for asking. I didn’t sleep very well, and I have a headache.

You were concerned about me because I looked like I didn’t feel well.  You wanted to know if I had a problem, and you asked me “What’s the matter?” That is one expression we can use when we notice that another person seems to have a problem or difficulty, and we want to show that we are concerned. 

Yes. “What’s the matter? Is an interesting idiom – an expression that can’t be translated word for word.

Right!  “matter” is a word used in the science of physics meaning anything that has mass and occupies space. It also can mean “subject or topic”, for example “I know a lot about that matter.” But today we are going to talk about using the idiom “What’s the matter?”  to ask someone if they have a problem. It can be a physical problem or an interpersonal problem, a life problem or a technical problem.

Yes! If I see my friend at work and they look upset in some way – maybe they look uncomfortable or nervous. I don’t know what the problem is, but they just don’t look the way they usually look.  So, I ask “What’s the matter?” Maybe my friend will answer: “I have a terrible toothache.” or “I lost my phone.” or “The boss just fired me.” 

My response will depend on what they say, but some common answers are: “I’m sorry to hear that.” or  “Can I help?”

“What’s the matter?” is one polite, concerned way of generally asking another person if they have a problem. What are some other ways to ask if someone is OK?

Well, of course, you can also say “Are you OK?”  You can also ask “What’s wrong?” or “Is anything wrong?” “What’s the problem?” is another option, but If I ask you “What’s the problem?”  does that sound a little less friendly?

Yes, it does!  “What’s the matter?”, “What’s wrong?” or “Are you OK?” are more positive and  more friendly than “What’s the problem?”

We have talked about 4 ways of asking someone if everything is alright. Now let’s talk about how those questions change if we add “with you”.  If I ask “What’s the matter with you?” How does that change my question? How does it make you feel?

It makes me feel like I did something wrong or like I am a disappointment. 

How about “What’s wrong with you?” or “What’s the problem with you?”

Isn’t that interesting? When we add “with you” to those nice polite questions, “What’s wrong?” or “What’s the matter?” they become like accusations.  

Here are a few conversations using the options for asking if someone is alright. 

6 year old Tommy comes into the house crying.

Mom: What’s the matter, Tommy?

Tommy: I fell off my bike and I hurt my knee! 

Mom: I’m so sorry! Let’s take a look at it. 

Two good friends are riding home from work together.

A: You’re very quiet this afternoon. What’s wrong?

B: Oh, I’m thinking about my sister. She’s in the hospital.

A: I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?

Jonelle is working on Saturday. She calls her husband Mike, at lunchtime. His phone rings 10 times before he answers it.

Mike: Uh… hello.

Jonelle: Mike, you don’t sound so great. What’s wrong?

Mike: I’ve been in bed all morning with a fever and a terrible stomachache.

Jonelle: I think you need to go to urgent care. I’ll be right home.

Our same 6 year old Tommy is playing with Lily, his 3-year-old sister.

Lola: Mommy! Tommy took my cookie!! 

Mom: What’s wrong with you, Tommy? Give Lola her cookie! 

Dear listener, we hope everything is OK with you, and th

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