Delayed Freedom

In this episode, Cydni and Sher explore the concept of delayed freedom through the lens of Juneteenth—a holiday that highlights the gap between the declaration of freedom and its actual realization. With humor, thoughtful reflection, and practical takeaways, they challenge listeners to recognize the cages in their own lives and embrace the freedom that is already theirs. This episode is "Delayed Freedom"  and we are so glad you are here!

This Week's Challenge
We challenge you to honestly examine your life, recognize a form of bondage—whether physical or emotional—and face the hard work of change, trusting that on the other side of fear, pain, and doubt is spiritual freedom and lasting happiness.

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Show Notes

Drip-Drip Drop, Words and  Music by  Matt Hoiland
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Transcript

Episode 115 - Delayed Freedom

Sher: [00:00:00] I was so focused. And then you went, and then I got, it was 

Cydni: too much. You were so focused. I was uncomfortable. I need to really explore that with some meditation. I don't know. Why was it uncomfortable? You started on time and accurately. I really need to dive into that. 

Sher: Did I start on time when you were 45 minutes late? 

Cydni: Listen. I just feel attacked personally right now. 45 minutes late is not that big of a deal. It was 37 minutes late. I brought you a soda. 

Sher: It was worth it. That's why I was late. It's a long line. This month, Cydni, we have been talking about spiritual freedom and we're gonna continue talking about that but we're gonna put a little twist on it today. We're gonna talk about what happens if freedom is delayed. 

Cydni: And I am very excited for this topic. I haven't really taken time to think about delayed freedom. You think about an instant freedom when there's like the bird in a cage and the door is open and the bird just flies away. But that's not always the case [00:01:00] and there's so much to this. So thank you for picking this topic. I've loved learning about it. 

Sher: I picked this topic. You did? I don't remember picking this topic. Yeah, 

Cydni: I think I had something different on like addiction because I was drinking too many sodas, so I was like, what if we talk about addiction just for myself? And then you changed it to something a little bit more soul satisfying. Thank you. 

Sher: You're welcome. I really don't remember it. This is what's fun. I love doing this podcast with you because you and I don't remember anything. So it's like new every day. I know. It's very exciting. All right. so since we're talking about delayed freedom. We're gonna talk about Juneteenth and where it came from, because that literally is a holiday celebrating freedom that was delayed.

Cydni: I was listening to a documentary about this so I could be prepared, and I thought, this guy's making this pretty hilarious. But then it was a standup. Routine. I didn't realize it. I just looked at the title and push, play, listened, and I'm like, he's making this hilarious. And then I saw it was a standup and it was very funny. 

Sher: So you didn't really learn [00:02:00] anything about Juneteenth? 

Cydni: The man was hilarious, but also very intelligent. He was very well spoken. I learned a lot, but I'm gonna leave it to the professional. Who's that? You 

Sher: I don't know, I always think professional has to be more than a middle school teacher, You know what I mean? Professionals are like at the university. 

Cydni: Are they though? 

Sher: I dunno. Who knows to me in my house. You're a professional Sher thanks. All right, in order to understand Juneteenth, we need to start with Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves in the rebelling states with the Emancipation Proclamation. He signed this on January 1st, 1863, in it he declared that all enslaved people in the Confederate states shall be then, then forward, and forever free.

In order to free the slaves in the rebelling states, that meant the North had to win the war. , in April, 1865, the war was finally starting to come to an end. So the slaves should officially have been free but the southern states were really [00:03:00] slow to make this happen, and our military needed to show up everywhere to make it clear that all the slaves were now free.

One of the very last places to find out about the Emancipation Proclamation was in Galveston, Texas. And on June 19th, 1865, union General Gordon Granger arrived in Galveston and issued general order number three. Which stated, the people of Texas are informed that in accordance with a proclamation from the executive of the United States, all slaves are free.

So this was two and a half years after President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation. it took so long because Galveston was far away. The union troops weren't there, and obviously the Confederate states didn't wanna spread the news and didn't wanna tell everyone what was going on.

the freed African Americans in Texas began celebrating [00:04:00] Juneteenth at short for June 19th. As early as 1866 . So the very next year they had a one year anniversary and they celebrated with church services. Now, I've noticed something as we've been talking Cydni over the last few years, how often Thanksgiving, Christmas victories and battles and wars or whatever it might be, did early Americans celebrate with church services? I feel like they did it all the time, and we took that part out and we skipped to the next part, which is they also read the Emancipation Proclamation and of course had barbecues, music and parades. That's what we've stuck with the whole reason for the holidays. We've kind of thrown that out and just skipped right to the food in the parades.

Moving back to Juneteenth . Texas made it a state holiday in 1980 then a few years ago, Joe Biden signed the actual legislation to make it a federal holiday, and that was in 2021. [00:05:00] So Juneteenth symbolizes that gap between the actual law that the slaves were free and the reality of what was going on in the South. So even when freedom is declared, it can take us time to actually live free. God has declared that we're free, but. Sometimes we delay that freedom because of addictions, because of fear, shame, guilt, self-doubt, trauma, whatever it may be. Freedom can be offered, but we are, that bird stuck in the cage and we don't wanna fly out of it. We don't wanna receive it for whatever reason. Right. Then 

Cydni: I really like the idea where you're going with this because we oftentimes are free, but for some reason we don't want to embrace that maybe a scared bird doesn't wanna go outta the cage because what's out there, or we're just so comfortable with the space that we've wouldn't put in.

Even just on Sunday, the lesson was on reverence I was reading the talk about being reverent. And now here's the thing, Sher,, I don't [00:06:00] really feel that reverence. I'm not really a reverent person, even if nobody is around me, my mind is going, I. At 1000 miles per hour speed. When I wake up in the morning, I have like a song playing a list of to-dos and a weird conversation that's left over from a dream all at once. As soon as my eyes are open, it is never calm. It is never quiet. So I was finding myself kind of feeling offended at this idea where this guy's like. We should add more reverence to our life. And I'm like, you should add less reverence to your life and enjoy that. Okay. We'd had a discussion with the lesson, and I brought this up I do struggle with reverence.

But then when I was thinking about how I'm not naturally calm like that, I had the thought come to me as I was pondering that reverence is a spiritual gift and for some people, they really are so lucky that they could sit there and calmly meditate with ease and have a beautiful experience. That takes a lot of work for me.

[00:07:00] When I thought, okay, that's a spiritual gift. We are told that we should seek and desire spiritual gifts. Maybe I should desire and seek to add a little bit more reverence into my life. And then I thought to myself, no, I don't want to. And I found that I didn't wanna let it go. I don't want to give up the noise.

I like the noise. I'm comfortable with the noise. And so I felt this resistance of I'm not going to sacrifice, I. What I need to sacrifice in order to have more reverence in my life. And I took note of that and I thought, why would I say that to myself? Why would I have resistance? Because when you have more reverence in your life, then you're opening up a door to really connect with God and you're opening up a door to. Pray more earnestly and to receive personal revelation. So why would I not be willing to just naturally want to give up noise and lots of noise and chaos in order to have more reverence?

And what I gathered is this is why sometimes we [00:08:00] don't choose freedom we're too comfortable in a circumstance that honestly we're just comfortable with. It's not better for us, but it's comfortable. And I have seen this replay in my life in different situations. When I went through several years of trauma therapy, I had so many times where I realized that I had done all of the work I needed to do and I was still living in the past.

It was because you just cannot seem to want to let go of something uncomfortable. You don't want to know what's on the other side. We are more comfortable with the pain and the trauma and the thoughts that we've lived with for years and years than we are to go explore what else is out there. 

Sher: I have a question about that Cydni. As you've started talking about this. When I first met you, the one thing that I struggled with understanding not because it's wrong, I truly didn't understand, because I don't understand what you went through. And then I had a stroke and I find myself thinking, I was like a victim of a stroke when [00:09:00] really I'm not, I'm not at all, but I still have that little mindset there a little bit. And I guess we're, I'm going with that, is I did have a stroke and you did go through trauma. So how do you still have that be a part of you and that is part of who you are, part of who made you, but yet at the same time, allow maximum freedom. 

Cydni: This took me a very long time to figure out and I think I've talked about it before, that one of the more painful sessions with a therapist. Was not the things that had happened, but realizing that I had this victim card that I did not wanna let go of, just like I didn't wanna let go of noise and chaos and experience reverence. I had this card that was like a safety blanket that if I kept. I could then justify things I'm not doing. And if I said to myself, well, you know what?

I'm doing pretty good for the things that I have gone through. There's a lot of people who are out selling drugs and repeating the same things and [00:10:00] abusing other people and they're continuing the cycle. I'm not doing that. So I'm doing pretty good. And you could hide under that. And that's what I was doing and that's what I wanted to do. Because where there is freedom. From those things, there's responsibility and that is terrifying. For me, the first step was admitting that I didn't wanna let go of this victim card that I had.

I. Then I would have to start being honest about what I wasn't accomplishing. When I knew I needed to do certain things and I needed to change, it was so much easier to hold onto that blanket, wrap it around me and say, I'm doing okay. I'm doing my best for what I've been through. I'm doing pretty good.

And that took away so much of the responsibility that I needed to take on. And so when I had a session that opened my eyes that I did not want to let the victim card go, I felt pain in my heart because then I knew that I was hiding. And actually a book that I'm reading right now by Steven Pressfield. It's called Turning Pro. He talks about this a lot, and he might [00:11:00] do a better job explaining it though. I lived through it and I know what it feels like to stay. Trapped in a blanket that you don't want to uncover. He talks about it and calls it a shadow life. Where you get close to your calling, you get close to your purpose. Maybe think of it as like you have an itch and you scratch close to the itch , but you don't actually itch the itch. You live close to the light, but you don't go into the light.

You live in a shadow. And he said that if you're living in a shadow life, you are controlled by addictions. You're caged, you're living a false life, and you're living as an amateur, not a professional. And he says, we live this way because if we live in our addiction, we avoid a calling, we avoid responsibility, we avoid duties that we know we're called to do. And he ask why. He says, because to follow a calling requires work. It's hard and it hurts. It demands entering the pain zone of effort, risk, and exposure.[00:12:00] 

Instead of composing our symphony. We create a shadow symphony of which we ourselves are the orchestra, the conductor, the composer, and the audience. I actually shared this quote with you before I laughed because I can see myself doing this over and over and over in my life where I get close to doing something I'm supposed to do, but I don't wanna go all in because I'm scared because of fear, because it's uncomfortable it's work and it's hard and it hurts and letting go of certain things, certain belief systems that we feel to our core like, I'm not good enough. I'm not worth it. This makes me a bad person for wanting it. And all of these deep core beliefs we have to let go.

and if we let go. It hurts and it's painful, and then you're exposed and that is terrifying. I have found that letting go of these emotional bondage experiences it is painful and it's really hard, and it's very difficult to hold up a mirror and accept responsibility. Even if something [00:13:00] terrible has happened to you, you accept responsibility where you can, because when you do that, you take back the power for me, it's the ultimate act of faith. It is surrendering things that make you feel comfort and security, and surrendering to God and letting Him. Help you become who you're supposed to be. Just like a bird that's in a cage that's like, I will stay here. I know I'm gonna get the food that I need and I'm gonna get by just fine. When a bird is free and gets to fly and go anywhere, how much more use will I be? And I guess if I had to say it in one sentence instead of seven minutes long Sher, I would say the biggest thing you have to do is understand that what's happened to you is not who you are. You are gods. It's whose you are. And you are Gods. And sometimes we hold onto an identity that is not who we are. did I have trauma in my childhood? I did. Is it who I am? No. Who I am as a daughter of God, who got through those things because He was with me. Who I am as somebody who can get through trials and can look back and [00:14:00] stand and say, I'm still standing. I'm still accomplishing, and I'm still becoming who I'm supposed to be. Have I done it gracefully? Absolutely not, but I've done it. That's who I am. That just happened to me.

Sher: That is really good advice because , I kept thinking about how many times in my life or think about all of our lives, right? How many times as we have gone through trials or made poor choices or whatever it might be, have we lost freedom? It happens once I started thinking about it more often than I would think.

Something happens health wise or just choose anything, whatever it is. But you said something that was really key there, God got you through it. He was with you the whole time. And these moments, these. Trials when it talks about how Christ will help us carry our burdens. Those are the times that you can actually fill the Savior right next to you, helping you, sometimes dragging you along by your hair because it's so hard, but He's there and you can fill it.

And [00:15:00] those trials they become lifelong faith experiences. But man, it is so tough when you're going through it to understand that sometimes when you look back and you reflect on it, you're like, oh, I see the miracles. I see where I was blessed and watched over. But sometimes when you're in the mud and you feel like you're just sinking, it's really hard to appreciate it then.

Cydni: I like what you said because it is a perspective. I always think to myself, I would never want to. Go through the same things ever again. But when you do look back and I understand that I got to experience what it feels like to fill angels with me and I was never alone in very dark times, and those situations that you do not want to experience again, they so often can be the anchor in your faith, in your belief in God. I do not doubt there is a God. I do not look back and say, how could he have let me go through that? I was an innocent little girl. I look back and I know that my Heavenly Father was with me and there are times where I felt shoulders [00:16:00] squared, chin up, keep going, and I couldn't have done it without Him. 

Sher: In Galatians chapter five verse one, it says, stand fast, therefore, and the liberty we're with Christ has made us free and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Our father in heaven and Savior want us to be free. They want us to have all the choices in the universe but all of us are going to get entangled with something that's gonna bind us

so think about this. What is my juneteenth? In other words, what truth am I avoiding? What chains have I grown used to? What freedom has already been granted to me that I haven't accepted? Because I wanna keep those chains on me because they're comfortable. This is what all of us need to work on.

Me, especially as individuals and as a country, Christ is here to help us when we turn our burdens to him. We can get rid of the addiction and fear and shame and guilt and even the trauma. But we need to turn to Christ and we need to align [00:17:00] our will with His. Something that came to my mind was a long time ago, our principal was taking a group of my students to a university, on the way there, there was some really bad traffic. And so the bus driver decided that rather than getting stopped on the highway for an extended period of time, they took a long cut and went through the city. And as they're driving through the city,, less than 15 miles away from these kids' home, Cydni, they were like, what is that? What is that over there? Just pointing out things they had never, ever seen before. And my principal said, have you never been downtown before?

And the answer was No. They hadn't. So they went to the university to do whatever they were doing, and on the way back, our principal convinced the bus driver. To take the long way back to the school again, and they went on a little field trip. They went around and looked at things all over the city. They got out at a few places and they were [00:18:00] late getting back to school, and my principal said it was worth it and that she got yelled at by the transportation department and she didn't care. And neither did the bus driver, quite honestly, because those kids had no idea what was just a few miles away from their home. But it took someone a little wiser to show them what was out there and to take time for them. here's the cool thing. We all have this. We don't need a principle that recognizes a need. We have a Savior that recognizes all of our needs. He sees what is 15 miles away, what's a hundred miles away, what's behind us, what's in front of us, and all around us. He can see everything and he can help us break free. Elder Neil a Maxwell said, only by aligning our wills with Gods is full happiness to be found. Anything less results in a lesser portion, . The Lord will work with us even if at first we can no more than desire, better willing to give place for a [00:19:00] portion of his words. A small foothold is all He needs, but we must desire and provide it.

Cydni, what really stood out to me in that. Is all our Savior needs is a foothold. That's it. God wants us to have all the choices in front of us. He wants us to have our agency, but we need to align our will with His and have a desire. That's all he needs is us to desire it. He just needs a little small space, and the more we align our will with Christ, the more spiritual and actual freedom we will have.

Cydni: I just listened to a talk about pride largely due to the fact that I find myself being very prideful and like, not in the good way. but I also feel like I don't really understand pride that much. so I've been trying to really understand, so I could see you know, when people call me prideful, I could understand that a little bit better.

Who's, who's calling you prideful. Nobody's calling you prideful. Well, Ben sometimes says I'm prideful. 

Sher: Has he looked in the mirror? 

Cydni: No, I call him prideful back. Oh, okay. . [00:20:00] Sorry Ben. You are prideful. No, you are prideful. 

Sher: I'm getting in the middle of the 

Cydni: No, it's good. Marital spat. No, sorry. I think you, I think you knew there was stuff I've been using like profits information to quote them so that I can win the conversation. By conversation, I mean full blown argument in our backyard. You're welcome neighbors. We're both prideful different ways though.

Sher: Moving on. We don't wanna get your dirty laundry. Cydni, 

Cydni: I'll tell you everything. We just celebrated 20 years together. You think that was a smooth ride or a bumpy ride?

Well, based on your face, I'm gonna say that it was very bumpy, but then it was very, very beautiful for me. I've just been so gracious and forgiving. Look at me. Anyway, back to prideful. Okay? Yes. Back to prideful. I did learn something and it reminded me when you read this about aligning our wills. A definition that was used for pride is being competitive. And I thought that's strange. And I [00:21:00] am insanely competitive and so is Ben. Speaking of our marriage, we did have to let go of dominoes for several years because one of us, we get too mad if they lost. That actually it was both of us. Both of us would get too mad if we lost and I don't like who I am when I play dominoes. Have you never done that before? Got mad about Dominoes. No anything.

Ysi? Bowling Ysi. That's when I lose my crap when I lose a ysi. Have you never left a bowling alley because you're a 10 year old's doing better than you and you're like, this is bull crap. Walk home. No, just me. 

Sher: Yes. I'm sure I have experience at some point, but I can't recall at this moment.

Cydni: All right. Well, let's just say you did. Okay. There is a point here, I'm not just blabbing. This is not just a therapy session. I am just trying to say that he explained that pride was also competitive Oftentimes we pit our wills against God's will. We're competitive with our will I was like, I think I'm understanding a little bit [00:22:00] more because I feel like I do this, that we say to ourself what I want. Better than what you want for me. 

Sher: Yeah, that's good clarification. I like that word. It does help you understand it a lot more, right? Yeah. And it does. 

Cydni: And it's saying to God, I know, what is best for me better than you know, what is best for me. learning that thought about the freedom and how for so long in my life.

Another, I'll just bring up Ben again. He would always say. You have to let go of the past. What's happened to you has happened to you, but that's not who you are. And I would get very offended. I would be like, you don't understand it is me.

 Then I realized that what Ben said was actually a hundred percent accurate, which I will not tell him that, but he was right. and the reason I'm combining these is that I feel like we are so stubborn and prideful in not letting go. What is holding us back that we think it's best for us? It's who we are. It's my comfort it is best for me. It's who I am, and we will not surrender it to God. And I feel like, especially with our [00:23:00] episodes that we did on surrender. I did the challenges and I did go in prayer and I surrendered to God and I said, I'll take my prideful butt back and step back and I will let you be in control. And I felt what the scriptures talk about that change in your heart. I felt my heart change. I felt a surrender . I mean, a decent amount, like a 30% increase in surrender, that's pretty good, right? It's better than zero, and I feel like if we surrender to God.

And do not be competitive with our wills that He then has the freedom to create such a beautiful life for us and help us become a new creature. And I think it is such a beautiful experience if you go through it, especially if you've been holding onto something for so long. I feel like maybe the benefit of that is that you get the perspective of how free you feel after. 

Sher: Doing this podcast has really forced me and Cydni to study a lot, and to understand more about the gospel. one of the things that I have learned from doing [00:24:00] this podcast is how little I know. The more I realize I don't know anything. So clearly Cydni and I do not have all the answers. But from doing the podcast, what I think we both can agree on is that aligning our will with Gods is always the right answer, and that will bring you the most happiness and definitely the most spiritual freedom . Not competing, not arguing, not fighting back, even though we all have those habits. The more we align our will, the more freedom and the more happiness we'll have. 

Cydni: I agree The topics that we have been guided to, I feel like are maybe God trying to be very personal to our weaknesses. Slap us right in the back of the head, but I will say the one nice thing is that the more I learn about God and His character, the more I trust Him and the more faith I am finding and the promises are sure.

The line upon line I feel like has been very accurate for my life for two years, I thought I knew a good amount of the gospel, and then I realized how little I know, but I [00:25:00] also felt like a clean slate and a fresh new start. We are both learning line upon line and we are understanding the gospel and God's character, and it has applied to our life in such a beautiful way, which is pretty awesome. And. Most of all. I think there's a lot of grace. 

Sher: Definitely a lot of grace. 

Cydni: But talking about freedom really has helped me to reflect on the different kinds of bondage that we find ourself in. And sometimes it's physical with addiction and sometimes it's emotional with fear or core beliefs that are wrong, or jealousy or comparison.

what we would like to do is challenge you to really look at your life and pick something that you know you're in bondage to, whether it's a physical addiction, whether it's an emotional addiction, and we challenge you to stop avoiding the call, to change it, go ahead and face the work and face the fact that it's hard and it will probably hurt because on the other side of the fear and the doubt and the pain is true spiritual freedom.

 Victor Frankl said, everything can be taken from a [00:26:00] man, but one thing, the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. We challenge you to make the changes you need to make to choose the Lord's way a little more.

Sher: This brings us to our final thoughts. Juneteenth reminds us that freedom, though declared, is not always immediately realized just as it took time for the news of the emancipation to reach Galveston and even longer for that freedom to be lived. Our spiritual freedom can be delayed by the chains we choose to keep addiction, fear, shame, guilt, or self doubt.

Christ has already made us free, but we must be willing to stand fast in that liberty. What is your personal juneteenth? What truth are you avoiding and what freedom are you resisting? Like those students of mine unaware of what was just 15 miles away from them. Sometimes we need a wiser guide our Savior to [00:27:00] open our eyes. He sees what we can't with just a small foothold. Christ can work miracles in our lives. When we align our will with his, we began to experience true lasting freedom. This is our prayer from Cydni . 

Cydni: Instead of composing our sym, sym, symphony. Symphony, right symphony Who I am. Is a young, a young woman liar, 

Sher: We must not be too entertaining though, because Rudy is snoring in the background, if you can hear that. 

Cydni: I think he just feels peace for the first time in the basement. He's like, oh, she doesn't have to edit as much. Little do you know Rudy Sher [00:28:00] does. 

Sher: Have a good week. Bye.