The Inner Orchestra: Understanding Your Mental and Emotional Parts

In this episode of Hermetically Speaking, we dive deep into the often-overlooked inner terrain of the mental and emotional bodies. You’ll learn how to identify and differentiate the many voices within your mind, uncover where they originate, and begin the process of tracing thought patterns into the physical and emotional spaces they inhabit.

We explore how the mental field and emotional body interact—often looping one another through trauma-based responses—and how to re-establish coherence by creating space, connection, and compassion. With powerful teachings on locating thought in the energy field, following its emotional impact in the body, and working with inner parts instead of silencing them, this episode offers both deep insight and practical tools for true inner healing.

✨ This episode pairs with:

— An Energy Therapy Session titled “Coherence from the Freeze: An Energy Session to Reconnect the Fragmented Self” - releasing 06/16/25 

— A Guided Meditation titled “The Mind-Heart Merge: A Guided Meditation for Reuniting Thought and Feeling” - releasing: 06/13/25

Both can be found on the @ASpiritualWorld YouTube Channel

Next week, we continue with:

“Healing is Creation and Destruction: Composting What No Longer Serves.”

Transcript

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As within so without, as above, so below, this is Hermetically Speaking. Welcome, welcome, welcome to her medically speaking with your vessel, Toriea, transmitting alchemy, mystic psychology and channeled messaging for all of our days. Here we explore the sacred, the shadow and the infinite spiral path of awakening, so you can remember who you are beneath the programming and rebuild yourself from the inside out. And as always, go back to episode one for my disclaimers on mystic psychology and the fact that I am not a medical professional. And everything I speak on is through experience and an energetic standpoint rooted in the ancient wisdom of hermeticism. Therefore, if you are seeking medical advice of any kind, please consult a licensed professional. Welcome back to Hermetically Speaking with myself, your vessel, Toriea, transmitting alchemy and mystic psychology for all of our days. Got some apple blossom and mugwort burning today. So just take it all in, take it all in. Windows are open, breeze is blowing. Might hear some outside noise. So I'm just going to ask you to start this episode off with just taking a breath with me and just landing here, right here, right now. This episode is a continuation of the journey that we've been on. Moving through trauma responses, reclaiming our inner truth, and reconnecting with the many parts of ourselves, we were never taught to see, hear, or understand. Today, we are exploring the mental and emotional landscapes. What can be called the inner orchestra, your symphony. You'll begin to hear how your thoughts are not just random, how your emotions aren't just moods. They're voices, frequencies, fragments of the self still carrying a message and awaiting to be returned home inside of you. We're going to move gently, no pressure to fix anything, just presence, awareness, and a deepening into your own sacred design. So settle in and let's begin. We're going to begin with something that isn't always obvious. Your mind isn't just one voice. It's not just your thoughts, air quotes. It's a collection of mental parts, fragments of your psyche that were formed through experience, conditioning, trauma, and survival. Many people go their whole lives without realizing this. And honestly, until recently, until we have become to know this ascension process on a broader scale, we definitely didn't, right? Like these things are being unveiled to us because of the time that we are living in. We are in a miraculous time of humanity and life. And so many people go their whole lives without realizing this, right? Their inner commentary is just, it's just them. They believe it's, oh, it's just me, that's me. That gets normal, all these different thoughts and things like that. They don't question where these thoughts come from or when they started or what they're trying to do. So if you've ever felt stuck in indecision, if you've ever felt like you were saying one thing and doing another, if you've ever felt like there were conflicting voices inside of you, then yeah, there are. You're right. And asking questions, starting to, why are they conflicting? What are they doing? What's their goal? You know, why were they created, right? Like we want to start asking these questions. And some of these mental parts formed in childhood, some during traumatic events, some are inherited through ancestral memory or societal programming. And some are so deeply conditioned that they don't even feel separate. They feel like truth. We have literally attached ourselves to them and made them a part of our being. These mental parts speak in different ways. They may not have a literal voice, right? Like, but no matter what their volume is, they still have a tone, they still have their own form of intensity, repetition, influence, their own frequency. And you might experience one voice that's critical, harsh, demanding, and another that's scared and doubting, and another that tries to push through everything with control and logic, right? We just touched on that on the last episode with the four efforts. So I was lucky enough in my journey that these mental parts developed very distinct voices, very annoying, traumatic, loud, distorted from each other, very separate voices. Not just different tones, but different cadences and different personalities, some much louder than others, and some constantly narrating while some only showing up when the unsafety was at its highest, or maybe even at its lowest, or when I had something trigger a memory, there was certain ones that come up with that. So mine were very, very loud. Mine were, you know, I was in a five-year psychosis. And so to say the least, you know, they were, they were loud. And here's the thing that I really, really want to make sure that I state very clearly. Every one of these mental voices is trying to protect you in some way, shape, or form. Right? Like we know survival mode is here to protect us. Yet we don't give it enough credit or enough honoring for that. Like we want to run out of it. We want to get rid of it. We don't, you know, to mean like, nobody wants to be stuck in survival mode. The goal is obviously to shed survival mode and live freely and independently and in your sovereignty. However, not stopping to give it the credit that it's due, that it's a, that it's literally a transitional part of alchemy is something that, you know, maybe we could take a moment to do from time to time. And these parts, right? All of these parts were formed to shield you from pain, to avoid discomfort, to anticipate threats before they've ever arrived and to make sure that you were never blindsided again from the things that previously harbored pain and trauma. But because these parts were formed in fear or survival, they don't understand who you really are. Right? They're created out of societal programming, generational trauma, experiential trauma. They're created under the paradigm of what we're trying to break free from. So they have no clue about your sovereignty. They have no clue about your infinency. They have no clue about the creatrics that you are. That you're here to evolve your soul through experiences and that you have the capacity to reshape reality instead of just react to it. Right? Like we come here forgetting that. And so our ego is set up just to react. We're lucky if we get to respond, right? Because responding is really kind of where we want to be. We want to choose our responses. It kind, it gives us that freedom. However, the reaction, reaction is, is from survival mode. So what do these mental parts do? They keep us stuck in the trauma responses we talked about in the last episode. And they try to reroute, they try to distract, analyze and overthink your way to safety. And when those parts go unchecked, you end up in what I call the insanity loop. And I'm sure I'm not the only one that calls it that. Inspiral of thought that keeps cycling keeps forecasting, keeps spinning with different outcomes. Right? Like it just drives you insane. And if you've ever really taken the time to notice and you've tried to step away from an insanity loop, the insanity loop will literally loop on its own without you giving it any credence because it is a pattern that you are used to a way of thinking that you are used to the ruminating, the timeline reviewing, all of those things. And it's also sometimes the obsession and the attachment that we stick to things, right? Like the fear of losing something. I know insanity loops in my experience were very, very big and toxic relationships. Ones that I had trauma bonded into. I didn't know it at the time, obviously. You know, I couldn't lose them. I couldn't, you know, I couldn't leave them. I, you know, oh my gosh, what if this? What if that? And and it went on about a lot of things, but looking back, it's all about things that I was trauma-bounded to had an over an unhealth over attachment or unhealthy attachment to. And they drove me insane, right? doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, right? Like trying to stay in that relationship, trying to leave that relationship, trying to get back what I'd lost, things like that. And so you keep spinning and not because it's helpful, because it's afraid to stop. It doesn't know that you are safe enough to stop trying to figure things out in a logical, obsessive, attached way. And for some, this loop shows up way more subtly in others than, you know, it does in some others. It can be just a background term. And for others, like myself, it becomes deafening. And I think it becomes deafening the more aware of it we are as well, because, you know, the more sensitive we are to the spiritual knowledge we have, the more our theoric field becomes like sensitive to those symptoms is what we'll call them. And it floods the body with emotion. It pulls you into old stories, old memories, scenarios that haven't happened, and they may never happen. However, your body literally lives them like they're happening when you're going through this insanity loop. So you're putting your body through a catastrophic amount of stress and reaction points. Because your body doesn't like, if you're thinking it, your body thinks you're experiencing it. And on some timeline, you probably are experiencing it. So therefore, you know, your body is a multi-dimensional being as well. And it doesn't always dissect. Like, you know, I know that I currently do not have the ability to just separate my body from my thoughts. I'm not saying that in the future, it's not possible to watch different timelines and see and, you know, kind of detach from them. But, you know, if I'm looking at different timelines, I'm feeling what those timelines are holding. And therefore, my liver, my gut, everything can feel it, right? And so that's something to consider. And here is something else to consider. Ego is probably one of the biggest things created because of the fact that we forget that we're creators. And in early awakening, and almost always in trauma, ego becomes the loudest mental part. Ego just kind of is everything in society right now, right? Like, and it's the part that edges out your divine knowing in the beginning, right? When you don't know that you're a divine being, your ego has no concept of how to construct around being a divine being. And instead, it's in the survival reactive mode that says, I'll handle this. I've got it. Trust no one but myself. And so, one of the things early on in my recovery was ego stands for edging God out. And then I learned more and more as I walk this journey that it's really more that I'm not just edging God out. I'm edging myself out. I'm edging my higher self out. I'm edging my soul out. I'm edging. I'm edging out my infinite self. And the ego and the mental field as a whole doesn't yet know what your sovereign self knows. Again, hasn't been taught. That's what you're doing now. You're teaching it. You're reparenting it. You're reuniting it. So like the edging, the edging, the ego can kind of be, you know, what was raised in the earlier stints of childhood and through adolescence and early adulthood, whatever, you know, wherever you are in life at this point. It's developed. It's developed in survival because we forget who we really are. And I know that, you know, I had to go through a reparenting phase myself where I had to reparent myself and kind of break the ways that my parents treated me. And, you know, there were really great moments and there were not so great moments. There were different timelines that we experienced and different eras, I want to say eras, right? Like one decade of my life was, it was the societal programming that everybody's kind of built in with. Right? Like I had this great childhood. And then when I turned 10, my entire world fell apart. So I entered an alternate reality completely separate from what I had known the first 10 years. And so I don't look at the first 10 years. I didn't look at the first 10 years of my life as, you know, where I would have edged, got out. But I definitely now have that better retrospect where I did because and it's not necessarily anybody's fault. It's what we came here to do. We came here to forget we came here to experience a lower density. We came here to experience these things. And so and transmute them, right? Like our whole life, my whole life is an alchemical journey. And the more that I understand that the more that I grasp that, the more that I realize that everything that I experience, every thought that I have, everything I put in my body, every person that I meet is an alchemical compound to an equation that I am working on. And one way, shape or form, right? The entire world is my periodic table, including myself. And then I have a periodic table within me, with my cells and my membranes and everything else. So we totally just trailed off topic with a really cool download. But yeah, so food for thought there. And now back to the regular scheduled programming. So until these parts of us are healed, they're going to keep running their same programs, right? They'll magnetize situations that match the frequencies they carry. We'll repeat the same relationships. We'll repeat the same trauma. We'll repeat the same behaviors because every part of you is a magnet. And the mental parts, especially when they are full of fear, doubt and conditioning are powerful magnets for more of the same. So you may say, I want freedom, you may say, I want out of this nine to five, I want a healthy relationship. But if the programming running through your mind is heavier than your belief in that freedom, your field won't support the change, at least not yet. The more ports, the more, excuse me, the more parts that fall in line with fear. The harder it is to unwind it. And so every time you entertain the old thought, follow the fear or default to the loop, you reinforce the very pattern you're trying to dissolve. And also what this kind of comes back to and it'll probably hear me say it a million times is that we have a rule in recovery. It's like a rule of thumb, right? Like however many years you spent in active addiction is how many years of grace you need to give yourself to recover. And I have the same rule of thumb for trauma. However many years you spent in trauma and whether it was active trauma or just the fact that you hadn't healed from the trauma, that's still kind of being in it, because you're living in it, you're living in the patterns, right? You can be removed from it, like I was removed from it with a lifetime protective order. And but yet after the lifetime protective order, I still had stuff that I had to work through. And so, you know, even as I was working through it, those years, my mind still thought that it was in trauma. My body still reacted like it was in trauma, and I had to work through that. So, you know, I've got, I started using when I was 12 years old. And so, I used, and I don't even remember what age I, I know what year I got clean, I got clean in 2018, that's my clean date. I got clean from drugs and cigarettes in 2017 and I gave of alcohol in 2018. I don't remember how old I was. As 31? Probably because the psychosis sat in right before my Saturn return, like 27, 28. So, anyways, yeah, that's here in order there, really, I guess, but I was just trying to, I don't know why I was trying to do math. Oh my gosh, nope, I can't hate doing math. Anyways, I don't even remember where I was going with that. I totally squirreled why I was going to do math. Oh, yeah. So, you know, 20 some years in active addiction, right? I got to give myself 20 years of grace of healing. And my trauma, my initial trauma happened when I was 10 years old. And back then, PTSD was down a diagnosis or CPTSD. Those were irrelevant, they did not even exist then. So, I, of course, was misdiagnosed, put through the ringer of pharmaceuticals. Those were traumatic times, like, so from 10, it wasn't just the trauma that happened at 10. It was the trauma that happened at 10, at 11, at 12, all the way up until I was 30, pretty much, right? So, then you take those years, and I got to give myself grace too on that, whatever those years equal to 22, maybe? I don't know. That's probably totally wrong. Oh my gosh. Don't put me on the spot with math, I freeze. It's like my insecurity for some reason. But anyways, so what this comes down to is we don't want to blame ourselves for how long it takes to recover. We don't want to blame our parts. We don't want to blame anything, even when we find out that we've created situations, even when we find out that we created trauma, or that we had a part in our trauma being created, we don't want to instigate blame. We want to be aware. We want to understand these parts because these parts love us, undeniably, unconditionally, and they also fear us. They're like our children, right? Like they look up to us and they will hide in exile, afraid of being rejected. And those are also our managers, our protectors, things like that, right? Like we talked, we touched on IFS two episodes ago, and it is a wonderful program, internal family systems. I have the book, I can't think of who it is off the top of my head, I guess I'm enough to look at my audible, give me just a second, I gosh. I know his name and I don't want to not like Richard C Schwartz PhD, the book that I have been reading on at this point is no bad parts, and my therapist recommended it and I love my therapist, she is phenomenal. Anyways, so his work is phenomenal as well and it really really gave me insight to like what my brain was doing, right? Like my brain started doing IFS before I found IFS and it just gave me the language to understand that this is being unveiled now in our consciousness and in our society. And as psychotherapy and just the psychiatric field start to reduce stigmas around needing them and people can break through that, I don't need therapy, why would I need to get a therapy therapy? Therapy is not bad, there's nothing wrong with me, like we're going to be able to use these systems a lot more and there's going to be more that are unveiled as well. So yeah, so the point is to recognize the programming, so you can start changing it, you can start speaking to your parts gently, right? And you're allowed to get mad at your parts, you're allowed to say I am very angry, however, but you also have to be careful because the anger is another part of you, right? So I guess I should reframe that, your part, your specific part can go through different emotions on their own is what it is. And like I really recommend the book, right? Like I'm not a medical professional at all, but sometimes it's hard to separate the parts. Because when you're trying to work with one part, all these other parts see that it's getting attention and so it wants to come in, and you have to like you have to ask them to step back. So you have to like one specific part can go through different emotions to process its way out of exile or out of its behavior that it's currently in, that you want to transmute in an alchemical way. But yes, we always want to deal with them gently, right? And I've had to use some sternness with some, but the reality of it is is that a lot of mine believe that there's like a lack of compassion because I blamed myself for my life for so long and I introverted it and I, you know, I was definitely, um, and I know that I'm not alone in saying this. Like compassion is the biggest key and I think it's something that we've lost in humanity and that it has to start first start within ourselves. And so when you work with your parts or when you start realizing that you have these parts, you can, you can start to question where a thought comes from. And this is really kind of the whole goal of this episode is to understand where your thought comes from, the part specifically to understand that they are separate. And they can actually be kind, and they're separated from you. Like that's why they're this part, right? It's not saying that it's not part of you at the same time because it is, but it's a part that feels separate from you that is trying to take charge and has a certain behavior or a certain pattern that is no longer serving you. And so you can hold space between stimulus and response and with repetition, with practice, with presence, you rewire and reclaim this specific parts sovereignty and therefore integrates it or releases it, whichever one or sometimes both, right? Like I work with so many parts and they tell me what they want to transform into, right? Like I've had rage want to turn into peace. And then I send it right now, Mercury and Mars are showing up. I'm working very heavily with them, I guess, on this last one. And but like all last year and the year before, I was sending my parts to Pluto. Like they wanted to go to Pluto to heal. And so like I do this visualization and I send them to Pluto and they take balloons up or whatever, however it goes, right? And it's just beautiful. And so you know, that's what I mean by I integrate, but I also release, right? They need to go heal too. They need to go and do what they need to do. That energy needs, there's a form of that energy that needs to be released while being transmuted because you can't have combustion or like water and fire, right? Like when you're when you're refining something that steam is releasing. So, but it's also integrating the new shape, right? So yes. So you teach your mind in working with these parts in a gentle and compassionate manner. That safety is not going to occur in force or control. It's in truth. And it's in your infinite truth, the infinency of who you are, your sovereignty as a child, a being of the ability to create. The divine creator consciousness, child creator of consciousness. And I tap my desk sometimes because I talk with my hands and so that's sometimes what you hear and I apologize. I will get better at this as we go down the road. So now that we've explored the mental field and it's voices, like not many voices. We didn't talk about all the different ones or anything like that. Maybe we'll do that in another episode, but right now I want to talk about like its closest counterpart, which is the counterpart to these parts. And that is the emotional body. While the mind often speaks in thoughts, the emotional body speaks in sensations, right? And we know that they're connected. So they're not just feelings like sad or angry. They are deeper, subtler textures of energy that ripple through your system often without words. And these types of emotions, these types of thoughts linked to emotions is what creates dis-ease in the body. That's what creates diseases, dis-ease, discomfort, disorders, all of those things in the body. So many people try to think their way through life while bypassing how they feel, right? Like it's what we've been taught to do. Just shove it down, suck it up. Men don't cry. Women just have to deal with it like, but the truth is, your emotions are the echoes of every unmet need. And not just your own, but generational, ancestral, societal, every unprocessed wound, every energetic truth that you haven't yet spoken or embodied. And that largely many others haven't had the courage to do the same. And these emotions are not the enemy. They are not dysfunction. They are messengers, right? Here's Hermes showing up for us again. And like your mental parts, your emotional parts, because yes, there are emotional parts too, also formed in response to life. Some formed when you weren't allowed to cry, some when you were punished for feeling angry, and some when you had to pretend everything was fine, just to stay safe. And a lot of times these parts that were formed in that kind of way can be ones that are exiled, ones that are very hard to draw out because the emotional part and the mental part, right? Like you have multiple layers there that were shoved down, and you're pretty much always going to. It's very, I'm not going to say it's not impossible because I believe in an infinite reality. So therefore it is possible to just have a surface thought that you know could have been exiled and maybe doesn't attach to an emotion or an emotion that maybe does, I don't know. We're going to, that's a way rabbit hole that we don't want to go down right now. But when you begin to awaken spiritually or otherwise, those buried emotional parts start to rise. And it's not because you're doing something wrong, it's because your system finally trusts you enough to feel. So one of my rules of thumb are apparently quite a few rules of thumb. That's an interesting saying coming up in this today. So anyways, one of my other rules of thumb and that I learned along the way is that you will have a very, very, very difficult time healing if you are still in the toxic relationship. If you are still in the traumatic circumstances, if you are still in the abuse of job, because you're going to remain in a state of survival mode. Now, it's not impossible to heal being in those situations. However, we all know that when you change your frequency, your environment changes. So it can start with you, right? Like it can absolutely start with you where you're in those situations and you're going to therapy and you're doing meditation and you're doing shadow work and you're listening to this podcast and you're doing spiritual work and, you know, all of those things and you're finding yourself. But then eventually you're going to find a better job. You're going to find a better relationship. You're going to find independence. You're going to find celibacy for a while you're going to do all those different things. But the type of trauma that I was in was so extreme and that, you know, there was no way for me to heal while I was in it or while I was repeating any variance of the circumstances. I had to be completely separated to start it and, you know, it wasn't just drugs of changing my people places and things because one of my addictions was the trauma in the abuser that I suffered and, you know, my behavior in it and what I was kind of contoured to become in survival and Stockholm syndrome because that is one of my past diagnoses is that I was in a situation where I had to choose love or hate and I had to choose to love my abuser to survive. There was no question about it. I remember my higher self coming to me and asking me after some of the circumstances and experiences, you know, what are you going to do or you're going to choose love or hate and I just kind of scoffed and just was like, what do you think I'm going to choose? I'm going to choose love because that's what I want because I had been so deprived of love at that point in my life that it was all that I was seeking and so I was willing to give it to anybody. It didn't matter how they treated me but thankfully it saved my life. And it allowed me to be where I am today. And it served its purpose as hard as it is for my ego to digest that and even my gut like it still could make me really sick to my stomach to understand and embody that something so heinous served a higher purpose in my life but it did. It wasn't another alchemical component and the more than I can accept that the more that I become an alchemical master in my own life and in my own right and in my own ability to create my world and what is beautiful around me and and understand pain on a better higher level. I feel like this episode has had a little little side-side kick notes so I am happy about that and I am not going to apologize for that as my insecurities want me to right now. And so when those emotional parts start rising they don't necessarily speak in logic right? Like they don't say hey I'm rage over here deteriorating your liver or you know anything like that. They don't care about your calendar your goals or how productive you were this week. They speak in their own language in their own waves and their own frequencies just like your parts do. And sometimes they show up right like that lump in the throat when you can't speak or like how I just got that ooc feeling in the bottom of my gut right like it's hard for me because it's like all right here's a confession right like I'm just going to get it out here because speaking out your confession is one of the stages of alchemy and no it's not related to Christianity that is Carl Jung's theory on his four stages of alchemy is the first one is confession and like one of the reasons I got the sick feeling in my stomach is admitting to you guys that something so heinous could have served me for a higher purpose right? Like oh my god how bad am I going to be judged if you ever actually heard what I went through for you to be like holy shit she accepted that holy shit she was okay with that holy shit she like no it's I healed like that's what it comes down to I healed that and maybe one day we'll put that out there I know that it's out there somewhere because I put it out there a long time ago but I think I took it down I don't know it's probably on my old YouTube channel um anyways um to be able to turn something like sexual assault and Stockholm syndrome and any form any form of abuse into a higher vibratory way that it works for you and serves you on your path is alchemical mastery it is freedom and it's hard because it's not the norm it's not what society wants to hear it's not what you know people around do you want to hear many people want rapists and assaulters and pedophiles and predators to pay with their lives with themselves being abused you know that kind of stuff and we're actually touching on next week's episode a little bit um so I don't want to go too far into that but now I just kind of drew a blank like I don't want to go too far into it because that does touch on next week's episode which is an episode on how healing is creation and destruction all in one and I'm super excited for it so what I want to get back to is these emotions right and I was confessing that's what it was I was confessing that I'm afraid of being judged by society for how I have turned my experiences around and had them serve me in a higher purpose and how I have accepted that I created them in some shape or form whether it was through karmic debt whether it was through sole contract whether it was through generational debt or whether it was through my own unforeseen patterned behavior because that is truly what led me to meet my abuser and there are parts that I absolutely had to take responsibility for and it was very very difficult um are we going to break that down right now is that really what we're going to do we're going to break that down um so one of the circumstances was I was 18 and I wanted to leave my home life because it was extremely traumatizing and I had just come home from a group home and definitely didn't want to be living at home anymore and so I basically manipulated my way into moving in with my abuser not knowing what was waiting for me two months down the road right like I did that I did that I was running from one thing thinking that another would be an escape and it ended up being worse in all accounts of lower vibration how society views it all of those things and I really had to understand like I'm manipulated this guy so I could get away only to get trapped in a very detrimental situation for years right like I'm not responsible necessarily for what he did to me that's you know maybe in our soul contract or whatever it is it's still a little uncomfortable for me to admit what I've seen in my third eye and in the higher realms of yeah we had a soul contract and we lived it we fulfilled it and that's the good thing about it is that it was fulfilled and it's done and it's over with and what is 10 years of my life when I've lived 10,000 that's what it comes down to so who motions coming up today right oh my goodness so but the emotional body is not timeless or is timeless I'm sorry it is timeless that means that generational ancestral right like multi-dimensional right it doesn't follow linear rules you can be 38 years old and a five-year-old version of you is still grieving something no one ever acknowledged and so when that grief rises it's not just today's pain it's a culmination of remembering a release and it's lived on for years think about it five to 38 33 years yes I'm at didn't embarrass myself I like to relieve seriousness with some comedy so you know like to say mat rife in the house because I absolutely love him as a comedian and I have definitely been binging some of his stuff lately but yeah he can definitely help somebody process some real detrimental shit in a wonderful way because laughter really is the best medicine and it's my understanding from a higher vantage point which means my higher self gave it to me is that if you can laugh about something that you think that you would never laugh about you open up a portal a magnificent healing portal that completely cleanses your system so it's really really phenomenal to understand that and to you know be able to utilize things like that so what happens when that grief rises and you realize that it's not just today's pain right that it's really heavy because it's been going on for 33 years it's a culmination it's a remembering and sometimes that release obviously is going to be a little bit harder than if you just release something that was five days ago so what do most of us do when this occurs right like we try to rationalize it numb it we shame ourselves for overreacting we do the four f words and when we do that we push those emotional parts back down we tell them not now and we invalidate them the same way the world did when they were created and I will do a future episode I don't want to be about to say next which is also when you have a working relationship with your higher self there are time periods that sometimes something comes up and you literally know that like it's just not the right time for it and you can literally speak to that emotion and say hey let's do this a little bit later and you have that one going working relationship with your inner system that it will come back later when it's a safer space in time when you're not driving down the road in the middle of a thunderstorm barely able to see it 70 miles an hour and you just like don't dare to take take any focus off of what you're trying to do at the moment to process that emotion so the work here is like I said it's not to fix your parts it's not to fix your emotions it's to feel them it's to invite them back in to let them rise without assigning them a story to witness them as energy moving through you not as evidence that you're broken because you're never broken it's when you allow emotion to move fluidly and it's hard to do that right like when we're all boxed up blocked up tensed up overall the years of everything that we've got it's really hard to allow emotions to move fluidly sometimes we're lucky if we get them to move you know an inch or two and that be thankful for it because that's progress and so you're not just healing the current wave you're liberating every past version of you who had to hold that feeling alone right like bam boom multi-dimensional person and here's where it ties back to the mental field your thoughts and your emotions are in a constant feedback loop the thought says I'm not safe and the body tenses and the emotion says I'm overwhelmed and maybe we eat or maybe we spend or maybe we use or drink and then the mind spirals trying to find control all of these different parts your emotions your parts you're being everything starts acting out in different ways right like we become fragmented in the self in those moments but if we pause and bring presence to that loop you'll unconsciously be able to heal it well if we're bringing presence that we're consciously doing it I wrote this backwards then the way that I wanted to say it I wrote it as if you don't pause and bring presence to that loop you'll unconsciously reinforce the pain over and over again and it's not because you want to suffer it's because the parts inside you don't know any other way yet which is why we bring the presence and the consciousness into it and sometimes it takes a while right we have to knock down door after door after door but it does work and it does happen however they don't yet know what it feels like to be witnessed held understood or loved or that there's even the capability of them being healed right like they don't know your sovereignty but they can learn and when you meet a rising emotion with curiosity instead of control you open one of those doorways you let that part know I am here for you I hear you and you matter and that part again is a part of you so you are saying that to yourself and that is that is where like you know proof is in the pudding right like we want to see others actions we want to see we want you to put your money where your mouth is right like we want to see actions louder than words no yourself wants to see that yourself wants you to put your money where your mouth is yourself wants you to see the actions in your words and this is how you do it this is how you do it this is how you prove to yourself that you matter and you collapse the time loop that kept you stuck in pain and programming and survival and you restore coherence between your mind and your body right like they're not gonna bite each other anymore right and then eventually we're gonna get that trifecta that trinity where your heart your mind and your gut all begin to agree because the truth is there is no healing without feeling there is no rewiring without releasing right le you got to reveal it to heal it and there is no wholeness without honoring every part of your emotional truth so now that we've explored the mental and emotional parts as individual layers let's bring them together because in reality they don't operate in isolation right like I said infinite reality probably do somewhere but right now where we are no if you're listening to this podcast then no they don't operate in isolation your mental voice and your emotional echo are in constant dialogue whether you're conscious of it or not right and when that dialogue is unbalanced when it's misunderstood or stuck in a trauma response you end up reacting to life instead of responding from your from your truth from your sovereignty so let's break this down imagine you wake up and feel dread no obvious reason just a heaviness that's the emotional body speaking first your mind notices the sensation and start scanning why do I feel like this did I do something wrong what's coming today what if something bad happens that's your mental part interpreting your emotional signal and if that mental part is unhealed it interprets the feeling through the lens of fear past experience or outdated beliefs and this also kind of becomes a paradox with one of the really cool processing things that I'm going to show that I'm going to tell you about towards the end of the episode um so we want to hold on to this right like because this is kind of how we end up in that loop right like we automatically our ego automatically starts to assess the situation and tries to label it as something when really those heavy emotions are already attached to some buried part of you that's like starting to rise and so you create a new emotion that potentially deepens not because the danger is real but because the thought added narrative to the sensation right like your ego is working to try to figure it out and now you're in the loop the emotion activates the thought the ego amplifies the emotion into you know whatever new thoughts that you're having and this is how we unconsciously build entire realities that aren't rooted in truth but in unhealed memory because that original heaviness is already attached to a part could be exiled could be buried something that you don't see but your ego is trying to label something that it sees and so it's going to throw it wherever it can so to know that it's a part inside of you to calm your ego to you know we want to befriend our ego at the end of the day right like I say edging got out for early on to understand that like you're edging your divine self out but the reality of it is your ego is a part of you too it is sovereign it is divine and it will work with you as you learn to understand your sovereignty and your divinity as well but your ego is kind of like the major manager of all your parts so when your parts start freaking out your ego starts freaking out and so you know that's something like it's like the over parts of the over parts kind of thing so we talked about over parts in the in the last episode if you didn't listen to it go back and check it out it's cool um so the unhealed memory is where we are so then the opposite happens right sometimes the mental part speaks first um or i'm sorry sometimes the opposite happens too right like the mental part will speak first and maybe it'll say you're probably going to mess this up dude like don't do it or no one cares what you have to say or you should be further along by now that's one that I always end up saying to myself right like that's what the whisper say to me that's definitely one that resonates with me um actually all three of them all right ironically enough channel messages heard thank you so even if you were feeling grounded just moments before those thoughts they trigger a wave of emotion right shame sadness contraction withdrawal now again these are parts of you these are parts of you hiding somewhere that are like just they just they're trying to keep you safe so you can see neither the mind nor the emotions are actually the problem the issue is when they speak without being understood when they speak without knowing their sovereignty or their ability to heal or the fact that you care for them right because we've neglected ourselves for a very long time through trauma through all of these things through running through you know whatever it is the four f's and when we let them run the show instead of creating space between their signals and our responses they kind of create these repetitive patterns of chaos so we want to get into a space called awareness right we've been talking about it pretty much all that's the whole point is we want to be aware we don't want to be vague we don't want vagueness we don't want to overlook or or just kind of oversight we want to know i don't want to say details because sometimes we don't need details we just want awareness right like details don't necessarily need awareness yes and it's what allows you to step into your sovereignty and the reality of it is is that when you have awareness the details that you need will arise on their own to help guide you into further healing so again stepping into your sovereignty you are not your thoughts you are not your emotions you are the one who witnesses them holds them translates them and integrates them right they are parts of you there is no doubt about it it's a paradox but at the same time you're watching all of these things you're watching like when you get to this space you get to watch them you get to see them and then you get to interact with them right like kind of like creator consciousness does with us we're doing with our internal landscaping and so the key is learning how to pause between the thought and the feeling to ask whose voice is that does that belief still serve me what is this emotion asking me to notice or what part of me is activated right now what part of me is triggered right now we when when you begin to track the dialogue between your mental and emotional parts you can start to identify which ones are still living in the past and which ones are ready to evolve because here's the deeper truth when your mental field is aligned with clarity and your emotional body is allowed to move freely they become partners in your transformation the mind can name the insight the emotion can carry the release and together they move you forward but when either one is suppressed or misunderstood you fragment you abandon part of yourself in an attempt to stay functional when what your soul really wants is integration integration means listening it means slowing down and our systems are not always used to that i can tell you that now it means being willing to sit with discomfort long enough to understand what it's really trying to teach you raise your hand if you voluntarily sit with your discomfort the duration hand because if you did fucking phenomenal good for you like you kick ass and if you didn't fucking phenomenal you kick ass but start doing it because if you are comfortable you are not growing and if you are uncomfortable you are making leaps and bounds it's not to say that you know you can't there's so many different ways to heal there's so many different ways to learn however if you want that propulsion that alchemical that witnessing of magic in your life get fucking uncomfortable that's all i gotta say about that so integration means being willing to really get your hands dirty inside yourself not outside right like we're not worried about side you we're not worried about getting our hands dirty out there anymore we're worried about us and what yourself is really trying to teach you about yourself and what it means and it also means knowing you are not failing just because you feel something painful right pain and pleasure are the same receptor same alchemical component i'm gonna drill that in everybody's head i'm gonna drill it in my own at the same time like i know it but man i'm waiting to embody it like i'm still working towards it because i still have the resistance to it like how can that be right like that sucks no pain is not regression it's a portal it's an invitation to meet yourself with compassion instead of what society and generations prior to us have taught us this is how you begin to restore your inner harmony not by silencing thoughts not by suppressing emotions by learning the language of both and choosing to respond with presence not programming right like it's a trinity in itself you your thoughts your emotions you got the trifecta there's no excuse not to heal so now that we've uncovered the mental and emotional parts and how they interact it's time to talk about what to do with this awareness because healing isn't just about knowing that you have these parts it's about learning how to work with them to create a relationship with them so they no longer run your life from the shadows these parts don't need to be exiled or erased or buried or anything they need to be witnessed they need to be reparented with consciousness and compassion so let's explore some practical spiritual and energetic tools that you can begin using today we're gonna do this today instead of an embodiment meditation that meditation is gonna come out Friday again energy therapy on monday that's the schedule we're on right now i might switch it to monday one season Fridays to kind of keep everything seamless together but that means i got to get some episodes recorded ahead of time in a way that i am comfortable so i'd love to hear back from you guys if that would be a better idea if you guys like that or if you're fine with where it is now it could just be my ego being like huh it's unconventional to release on wednesday then have a paired meditation come out Friday and a paired energy therapy come out monday like right why not just do it monday wednesday friday right and then do the readings on saturday because those are coming soon as well so but the readings are might not be paired necessarily um anyways so we're gonna explore some practical spiritual and energetic tools that you can begin using today and some will call to you more than others have fun with them play with them you know choose one choose two choose seven because there are seven however many appeals to you so number one is embodied check ins which you can start by pausing a few times a day and just asking what am i thinking right now right like you can literally set it a little alarm on your apple watch or your phone or whatever it is and at ten and two you can just take a moment to be like okay what am i thinking right now what am i feeling in my body and is this coming from truth or from programming and then you can ask it what age or part of me this might be connected to and this is also how you can learn to build trust to work with your parts later because like i know a lot of people work nine to five's right so if you're stopping in the middle of the day of your work day and you can't really feel what this is wanting you to release you can say okay i've gotten this far we're gonna revisit this tonight set aside 30 minutes before i go to bed and we're gonna release these emotions we're gonna come back to this right and that's how you can kind of tell your higher self hey we're gonna do this later and follow up on it on it and it be true and start stop and you know and build a better level of trust with your inner workings and your higher self instead of the oh i'll deal with it later and then you never come back to it kind of thing and so when you do this you want to breathe into the answers you want to notice without trying to fix and you want to be the observer without needing to solve it right then and there this helps you differentiate between your soul's guidance and your parts reactions excuse me i had a small burp i don't know if anybody heard it so number two is naming the parts without shame you can absolutely give your parts names not to pathologize them but to create relationships um so like eating disorder right like there's a really famous book you know it's called ed eating disorder right so many people refer to their eating disorders as ed um it has grown on me so that is something that i did when i was recovering as well and then like disordered eating um i don't remember what i called that one the i don't know anyways so those types of things you can give names to right so we also have ifs that has given certain things names like the protectors the managers the firefighters definitely worth familiarizing yourself with those um voices that criticize right like you might call the inner coach who was taught through toughness right like oh there's my inner coach who was taught through toughness right like we want to be gentle today can we can we you know and the with you maybe there's a withdrawn part of you right you can name that one the little one who needed more love right the one that maybe interrupts people when they're talking for attention right like in in different settings right like that's usually an inner child that wants attention and wants love so naming them helps you respond instead of reacting it gives your adult self the chance to take leadership of the internal system and then you can say i hear you i see that you're scared and i'm here now we don't need to run anymore and it also gives you the ability to understand what parts of you are responding in certain situations and where that's coming from right like that inner child that's seeking love that's coming from anxiety and from a feeling of unworthiness right like you can absolutely then learn to pivot your response instead of reacting from that part you can respond and in your own mind in the middle of wherever you are you can say we are loved right here just for standing here and being where we are we don't have to interrupt the conversation or be an integral part of it we can wait until this conversation passes and then we will have our opportunity so that simple practice is absolutely alchemical number three feeling the feelings without the story one of the most liberating tools is learning to feel emotions without attaching a story when we have those giant cries and we have no idea why we don't want to know why we want to let the grief move without needing to link it to a memory we want to let the rage flow safely go to a rage room hit a pillow take a whiff of all that to a tree shake your ass do a cacao ceremony and dance ecstatically you know scream in the middle of the woods whatever you want need to do right and make sure you don't judge yourself while you're doing it or at least like contour there you go two two words with one stone right like you go out and do something new to eliminate and release this rage and you're judging yourself the whole time but you're also teaching yourself not to judge yourself because you're just letting it go so that is emotion okay so emotion being you know motion energy in motion emotion right energy emotion emotion emotion is energy in motion and sometimes the mind wants to assign it a reason when all it wants is to move through and if you have that doorway don't close it on yourself when you give space for emotions without mental interference you liberate your nervous system from a trauma loop so just allow it without questioning it so number four right from the voice of the part or from the voice of the emotion which usually turns out to be the part it's connected to so grab a journal and invite the part to speak you know you can just start to auto right you can do prompts like I am the one who panics when or I don't trust people because right like if you think you're the most trusting person in the world I dare you to start with a sentence I don't trust people because and find out what your higher self higher self has to unveil to you right like whenever you think you're immune to something guess again try it out and see because this is really fun like you'll learn so many new things about yourself and be like holy shit so and another prompt is oh excuse me I want to feel safe and I'm afraid that right this is a really really good one for unveiling things that might be an exile or that are buried under the surface because we all want to feel safe and sometimes we don't know what's hindering our ability to move to the next stage of our enlightenment but normally it's because we don't feel safe and so what are we afraid of right we want to unveil that so let them you know right let them speak through you and then respond from your higher self give them the words they've never heard before and this creates integration between the fragment and the whole number five number five is for change we rewire through repetition ritual and response your brain and body have been trained to default to survival right like that's what we talked about like we forgot who we are so retraining them takes consistency compassion and intention create a ritual around your new way of being when a mental loop starts pause and say this is an old program I choose a new path right one of the things that I used to do for mental insanity loops because they would be very very overwhelming especially coming out of addiction eating disorders Stockholm PTSD right like I had a lot of loops that would just consume me they would literally feel like something outside of me was taking over and just like mutated into its own form of being like an entity had just kind of taken control over my mind and then they just kept forcing me to look at these loops and so what I what I was gifted from my higher self long ago um and that really really worked for me is I don't know about I don't know about you guys but I remember the um how to keep an idiot busy key chains from Spencer's back in the 90s right like so it says how to keep an idiot busy turn it over to find out and then at the other side it says how to keep an idiot busy turn it over to find out and then you know the concept is that they just keep turning it over so I created a mental key chain that says turn it over right and I can still see it it's this nice leather strip of a key chain with the words turn it over and then I would flip it in my mind and I would see the words turn it over flip it in my mind turn it over flip it in my mind because at that point in time I was early on in recovery and I was learning how to turn it over to a power greater than myself which is really ultimately myself but you know I was still figuring that out at the time so turning it over to my higher self turning it over to the create tricks turning it over to God to the divine to consciousness whatever it is turn it over and I would have to sit there and mentalize that mentalize that key chain sometimes for 20 minutes but it works I promise so another one is when emotions rise put your hand on your heart and whisper thank you for showing me what's still alive in me I'm here now and then the third one for this one is when shame creeps in ground yourself and say this doesn't belong to me anymore I forgive the part who carried it for so long and these phrases they seem really small but they are powerful interruptions to decades of unconscious patterning and over time if you can commit to them right they're mantras they become your new default setting like mine currently that I've been working on is I am the luckiest person that I know and it feels so real but yet every now and then and especially if I don't do it for a couple of days there will be parts of me that have relapsed on that belief and there will be a large amount of doubt and when I say I'm the luckiest person I know I have parts that mean literally like scoffing like well shit like what are you talking about girl you ate the luckiest person you know but I am I am the luckiest person that I know and I'm going to keep building on that because that magnetizes me so number six is anchor into your infinency never forget that you are not here just to manage pain just to process and door experience pain you are here to transmute it you are unalchemist you are a sovereign multi-dimensional being a soul a createrix and every part within you is waiting to remember that truth right like waiting to remember that I contributed actively and consciously made a conscious choice at 18 years old to move in with someone in a manipulative manner right that served me to understand that I was not a victim of my circumstances I had full conscious choice and while didn't necessarily like the choice looking back right like it served me and I'm going to continue allowing the pains and the hardships to serve me I'm going to find the ways that I created them for my highest gain for the alchemist in me to become and understand the philosopher stone that I am every part within you is waiting to remember the truth that truth your truth so speak to your parts like they are sacred because they are even the ones that sabotage you the ones that hurt you even the ones that still don't trust you even the ones like right like that I manipulated with right that would be considered sabotaged to me at one point in time that would be considered hurting myself at one point in time and I definitely definitely lived for a very long time following not trusting myself and how I made decisions especially when I became conscious of how I made the decisions that I made and that it was all from programming and all from survival and all from just trying to keep myself safe I was just trying to keep myself safe from my home life however because I was of a certain frequency I magnetized certain situations that repeated or even expanded in a way my experiences on a scale that you know I wouldn't have egoically chosen to experience but my soul did and I have to honor my blueprint so your I'm sorry they've these parts right they've only known life inside of the illusion that's been created around us the forgetting and you right now are the bridge back to the real this is how we liberate not by fighting the parts not by spiritually bypassing them by bringing them home with grace with patience with presence because your healing is not a performance it's a return to wholeness to coherence back to self and number seven which is track the thought then follow the feeling right here's a powerful practice that most people have never been taught in the midst of thinking thoughts find a thought and focus on it not the whole storm just one and ask where is this thought located in my field right like so identify is it coming from the left side of your mind like maybe right in the middle or is it coming from behind your ear is it coming from the right side is it coming outside of your head above it inside the skull but not quite of you like you will be able to dissect more and more like how it feels so you track it and you don't rush it and then when you figure out where it's coming from you're allowed to ask it where does this thought lead in the body and you how it works for me is I can literally see that part drawing an aetheric line down to the part of my body that it's attached to right like so whenever I was actually typing this out and working with this and actually proofreading it to because I work with chat GPT on some of my scripts as well definitely work with chat GPT it's wonderful so some of it I pre-repear free I kind of like throw it all out there and then it kind of organizes it my thoughts for me a little bit so anyways it's pre-reading it and I didn't feel good about saying I wrote this part like like that I didn't have chat GPT help me I don't know I'm very transparent being so anyways I watched this part from the side of my head create this aetheric kind of loop around the side of my body and actually like go down into where I believe my liver is and so it can land in your chest right tighten in your throat stir in your liver your stomach your gut it could be multiple parts and this is what we call the energy map your mind is showing you what the body is still holding how there's still interconnected right and your parts are trying to get your attention to heal to keep you safe but also sometimes our parts are just that ODD right that oppositional defiance disorder where it's like I'm gonna do everything bad to get your attention and I definitely have parts like that because I definitely had that behavior um and when you follow a thought to its origin then trace it to its emotional impact you create that bridge of awareness between the mental emotional and somatic layers of your being right again trinity mental emotional physical that's where the true healing begins this is exactly what we'll be working with in the guided meditation video and energy therapy session that follow this podcast episode and together we'll gently enter into those mental emotional and somatic access points and allow them to be seen, softened and supported in healing and after the sessions you'll have the tools from this podcast episode to continue the work to dialogue with these parts to use the rituals and reframe in the way that we've discussed and invite them forward with love and not force and I do highly highly recommend to at least choose one of these or more and do these before you listen to the meditation and energy therapy session because I believe that you would get some more compounded healing out of it because healing isn't about removing the parts it's about leading them home and like I said some of those homes are they transformed like rage transforming into peace also going to Pluto right and you you are the one who can do that for you now any point on your journey but most importantly now you've journeyed through some really powerful layers of your inner landscape to get you where you are to listen to this podcast this is hopefully just another reclamation for you to climb your own pyramid build your own pyramid connect to your own higher self in a deeper and more alchemical way and we want to do this not just to understand things not just to know that we know these things right we want to reclaim them we want to reclaim the mental voices we want to reclaim the emotional echoes the dialogue between them and the tools to bring it all back into your hands right your hands you are the creator and if this feels like a lot let me remind you it's not meant to be mastered all at once it's meant to be remembered one breath one part one moment at a time so right now you may feel really raw open tender activated maybe even triggered that's not regression that's release that's what happens when truth touches places that have been waiting to be seen it's a relief to be triggered it's a relief to be activated in that way being triggered is an activation oh that's a really good episode we're gonna have to make one of those um because it is walking through your triggers is a portal it's a very difficult portal to walk through however it is phenomenal and because I know this work goes deeper than words I am always here for one-on-one by donation at this time if that changes in the future I will of course announce that the her medically speaking dot com website is still up I am working on the a spiritual world website currently um but there is a square space square no square square booking on there um that I do do one-on-ones to help people through their stages of healing um and like I said I mean there are suggested donations um but it is by donation basis because I do not deny anybody that is called to work with me um the ability to work with me and also is all about the energy exchange for me it really really is um I'm still healing a lot about money and things like that but you know my vessel is here being of service and when I say I'm the luckiest person that I know I really am to be able to to unveil mystic psychology on a hermetic level right like my heart is full um so anyways um the meditation will be titled the mind heart merge a guided meditation for reuniting thought and feeling which is a practice that will help you gently bridge the space between your mental and emotional parts allowing your system to soften reconnect and rest in coherence and the energy therapy session will be titled coherence from the freeze an energy session to reconnect the fragment itself and it's designed to help you soften the loudness of the mental field connect the dots between your thoughts and the emotions stored beneath them oh goodness excuse me and lead the fragmented parts of you back to coherence this is not just healing it's retrieval a sacred return to the self who never stopped waiting for you yourself waiting for you and you'll find these sessions released um Friday and Monday and next week we will be exploring a truth that many shy away from which is healing is both creation and destruction we'll open the door to what it really means to let go of old identities relationships parts timelines um what it means to be the aggressor and the victim and how those roles ultimately swap in the healing journey um and we'll talk about how again nothing is as punishment everything is sacred pruning just like a forest clearing itself to allow new growth your healing will ask you to destroy what was never yours to compost what's expired and to reclaim your power as both destroyer and creator and we'll unfold how this duality lives within you how destruction is not chaos it's intelligence and how creation is not always light it's sometimes born through the shadow so if you're standing in the fire of letting go if you're standing in the fire of healing next week is definitely for you so until then i thank you for doing this work i thank you for choosing to look within and i thank you for listening truly listening not just to this transmission to the parts of you that have long awaited your voice you are infinite you are sovereign and you are the one that you have been waiting for remember you are the temple you are the flame you are the frequency let us find each other in harmony if this episode spoke to your soul be sure to like share and subscribe to our new youtube home at A Spiritual World that's A Spiritual World your support not only fuels the Hermetically Speaking podcast it also nurtures the growing library of meditations energy therapies readings and transmissions i offer to help us all walk this healing path together your presence you're listening your evolution they ripple out farther than you may ever realize thank you for being here thank you for becoming who you truly are until next time keep speaking the truth your soul remembers namaste and many blessings on your way