#18 We've Only Been Dating Two Months, But Something Feels...Off

Caleb and Stefan return to the dating advice help line. It's the usual suspects like a man not wanting to commit and a clingy girl who doesn't know where she stands after only two months. Guys, send us some crazy stuff I don't want to have to search the dark corners of the internet to get something crazy. Enjoy! OH

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome back everybody to the Digital Fire Podcast. It is me, Caleb, with Stefan. And before we start chatting, we're gonna crack a cold one with the boys. That was pretty on sync.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

I know.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

And that was just the first Arizona. The next Arizona, I'm gonna hold off on until we figure out this spicy Arizona situation.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

Yeah, we uh did we talk about that on the podcast, the spicy ones?

SPEAKER_01 0:31

We have. We talked about it. I kept feeling like very intimidated to try it because spicy just doesn't sound good. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

I'm kind of trying to see how this is gonna be. Here.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Ah, there we go.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Perfect. Oh my god. Does it smell?

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Interesting. That is not spicy. No, it's not spicy at all. I can definitely taste it. Like I can see where they're going, but it's not. I thought it would have more of a cake on the colour.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Yeah, I was gonna say, well, because it says spicy green tea with Mike's hot honey. And that's it. Yeah, maybe. It should just be Mike's honey because it's not very hot. No, it's really it's really not. Like, I mean, it's not bad, but not as hot as me.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Had to make use of the button.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

That's so weird. Watch it's gonna be like in the middle of the podcast. We're gonna be sitting here talking, and then it's gonna finally kick in. Caleb, we're gonna end it out. It's not bad. I'll finish it before opening the black tea. So I'll just I'll be the guinea pig to see if it's gonna get any more spicy or not. I don't think it will. What if the tea was or the honey was just at the bottom? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

I was just thinking that. You'd just like I like look over, you're just red and sweating. Stefan, you good? No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

I'm not. Give me the milk.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Which by the way, I did buy some Fairlife chocolate milk, and it's pretty good compared to the white milk.

SPEAKER_03 2:16

Oh, dude, Fairlife chocolate milk.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Yeah, it actually hits different compared to like the Meyer or like uh It's because it's thick.

SPEAKER_03 2:23

Yeah. It's like thick and creamy and chocolatey.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Compared to like the other crap that just feels like watered down. Like yeah, yeah, it does feel watered down.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

And there's more protein in it, it tastes better, everything about it. Yeah. I also took a page out of the book of Stefan and actually cooked breakfast this morning. Not eggs though, but I did have bacon. Oh, if it's a big swig, it's if it's a big swig, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

I feel it. Ooh. Ooh. It's like a burning. It's not a bad burning, but it's noticeable.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

You were making fun of it. Now look at now, look at ya. It bites back.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Wait, I drank that bite. Where there's smoke, they pinch back. For those of you who don't know, that was the old YouTube intro. YouTube poop intro. YouTube poop where there's smoke, they pinch back. And then we just start a random YouTube short. Man, YouTube used to have like good quality stuff too. Like it was funny.

SPEAKER_03 3:25

Well, it's funny because the editing and stuff today is so good. Yeah, like the YouTube isn't funny. It was just like it was just cut. It was cut crap. It's just cuts and rewinds. And I remember watching.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

It was funny. There was, I think my favorite genre of like the YouTube poops was Arthur. They'd have like YouTube poop Arthur edition, and it'd be like the episode where like he hit her or something because the model playing, like she threw it out the window and it broke, and it would just cut back, and his eyes would get like bloodshot red, and you'd like zoo water! Like they'd go like anime and just like make it the most intense scene, and they show like, oh, she got her arm blown off or something.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

Those were the days, and it was always like really bad edited. Like it was really bad. But copy and paste, like you could tell that her arm was still there, but it was just like they just like took an eraser and quick squiggled in like some random grass design.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

Yeah, those were the days. You know what's funny? Um, so I found a TikTok earlier where not today, but like I think it was like last night or the night before, where it was they went through all the voice actors for DW, and she had a lot, and they were all guys.

SPEAKER_03 4:40

Were they really?

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Yeah, they were all guys. Like, I think there was I think like five or six, and that includes to the the current well, it's not current anymore because it finally ended. Um finally, but the first voice actor for Arthur that started it all from like seasons one through like six. No, no, it was it was a guy, really, yeah. And then he came back in the final episode to like end the series as Arthur grown up, and like he made a comic. And you know, like how they show the book at the beginning where it's like him going like you know, yeah, yeah, like he wrote, he essentially wrote the comic book that goes through everything in his life and stuff. For like, he's like, Here's the first issue, and then his friends, everybody like Francine, Muffy, Buster, all come around, they're like, Come on, let's see it. And then he opens it and he goes, All right, it all started here, and then it fades out of the sugar bowl. Because uh the antler guy, George, George, he he actually owns the sugar born uh sugar bowl now.

SPEAKER_03 5:39

Glad they gave him a better role. He was uh what would he be, like a C character?

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Yeah, he he'd be like hardly there ever. Yeah, he was just kind of like a background guy. I felt like uh there was like a poodle dog too. Like she wore like a purple shirt.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

Yeah, I know I know you're talking about, I can't think of her name.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

But she wasn't in the final episode, I know that, because I also saw a clip of the final episode. I was like, dang, dude, that's like childhood right there. But the animation got really crappy, it wasn't hand drawn anymore, it was all computer animated. It wasn't like 3D, but it was 2D, but just with the like you can tell when stuff like switches from hand drawn to like the computer crap. Yes, you can, and it literally switches to that, and it's so dumb.

SPEAKER_03 6:19

I wonder why hand drawn is better. Because like you would think the computer with all the technology would make it look a lot better, a lot better.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Well, in a way, it does clean it up visually, but it's the way that the animation is there because they're puppets, they're not like hand-drawn individually, they're puppets. So you draw one thing of Arthur, right? And then you just clip off like his arms, his hands, his fingers, his pants, and his shoes and stuff, and then you can just move it how you want it to move. Yeah. So instead of you having to literally again like hand draw with pencil and paper, whatever they used back then to like make everything like more fluent naturally, they were just like, Yeah, no, we're just gonna switch to computer now. And I'm like, man, the last hand-drawn animation we had was a Disney movie, it was the um The Princess and the Frog, that one. Really? Yeah, that was the last hand-drawn Disney animation, like traditionally, too.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

Well, Wildwood is coming out this October.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Oh, that one's the clay animation, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 7:26

I still like clay animation, too. Clay Mation is so good, but it's also crazy because it takes a lot of work to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Yeah, because you have like 30 or 40 different faces for like one character, and then you gotta slap it on and then pose it, and then same thing with the eyes, too. You have different eye expressions and teeth and everything else like that.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

I cannot find that character, and now it's gonna bug me because I just want to make it.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

You could just look just look up like Arthur's characters or something like that. Like that's exactly what I've typed out. Did you really Arthur characters? I'm trying to think of her name. Priscilla. I think it was Priscilla.

SPEAKER_03 8:00

Priscilla was the um, she was kind of I was thinking of Fern. Fern. Yeah, but Priscilla is also the poodle-looking one who wore like teal, I think.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Oh I hated her. If I'm honest, I actually hated her. She wasn't even in the final.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

That's who I had when you said the purple fern. Fern Walters.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

I don't know why. I thought she was Priscilla, but Priscilla's the other poodle with the bushy back hair thing. Yeah, with the pointy nose. God, I did. I hated her. I don't know what it was. There were just certain characters that like I don't know. Like, I just didn't care for them.

SPEAKER_03 8:42

I always liked George, he just barely was in it.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Yeah. I think Brain after I didn't care for Brain, but then when I got older and they started making memes of him, like the Chuckle Hyde Library Card, and like you stop and you think, and you like in the middle of the episode.

SPEAKER_03 9:00

Oh, he does a theme song, doesn't he?

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Yeah, he does like he goes, Yeah, what if I lived your life, Arthur? And then like it's like a different version of Pal, the dog. That's weird, because they're like a bunch of anthropomorphic animals, and then there's like a dog, and there's birds that is true, and other ducks. Yeah, like just a sentient an eater is just chilling there.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

I also noticed that all the duck characters were always like the blue-collar maintenance workers. Oh, yeah. For some reason, every time there was somebody fixing a refrigerator or whatever, it was always a duck.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

I remember too. Oh my god, what are they trying to say? The old lady was Mrs. McGrady. Because I remember there was an episode where Arthur like split his pants and like she was like he had the husky one where he had to get bigger, but he had to get pants, and they called him Husky.

SPEAKER_03 9:49

Yeah, not fat.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

And then they split, then they went to the lunchroom and Buster, and somebody else like came and covered his butt with like the trays, and she just patches him and goes, Oh, don't worry. I had that happen once to me, too. And all this other crap. I God, that there's so many episodes. I just remember the library card, Jekyll and Hyde. Oh, classics. My favorite one, even today, because of the memes, is the Buster Baxter guy where the moose follows him with the guitar.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

Buster Baxter ran away and he came back. Buster Baxter.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Oh, yeah. I think it was either Paul Simon or Garfunkel. It might have been Garfunkel. I think it was Garfunkel. It was like a guest appearance or something.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Yeah, and then there was the part where he's like, he's a sad, sad bunny. Oh, yeah. And then Buster pulls a fourth wall thing and he goes, Hey, that's not very sad music. And then he just gets into like an E minor or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

He goes, He's a sad, sad bunny.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

First of all, if somebody was playing guitar when I was feeling sad and just was up it near my window, I called the cops.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

Yeah, I like how he's not even worried.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

He's not even phased by it.

SPEAKER_03 11:08

Old grown man outside his window. Strumming a guitar. Strumming a guitar. Singing about him. Yep. Alright. After all the Arthur talk, you ready to jump in? I never noticed like the little chimes at the very end.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

I love it. I just I was like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Alright, let's get started.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

Story number one. He says he wants a future with me, but he never actually moves toward one. Why do people bring these like actual stories? We need funny ones, people. That's fine, though. You've come to the right people. Hi, hosts. I've been listening to your podcast for a while now, and I finally worked up the nerve to write in because I feel like I've completely lost perspective. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six years. We're both in our early. That's a long time.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

Honestly, I feel like after two years, if you don't get married, it usually doesn't work out. I don't know why that is.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

I would say, yeah, the two-year mark just seems like it is good enough time to like kind of get to know somebody. I mean, I would say probably if you want to go a little farther, three years.

SPEAKER_03 12:25

I would say three years max.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Yeah, three years max. If you don't know what you're doing after three years and you're not married or something like that, then like what are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Because I've known people who have dated for eight to ten years and they get married and they're divorced before a year. Yeah. Like it's but then there's people who date for like a year and they're still married. Right. So, like, what's going on here?

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:45

Uh, so we're both in our early 30s, and for most of the relationship, I thought we were building toward marriage. We moved in together after about two years, adopted the dog together, have combined some finances, and everyone in our lives treats us like we're already a married couple. First of all, don't combine finances before you're married.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

That's the worst.

SPEAKER_03 13:05

Not a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Yeah, not a good idea. Not at all. Better sign a prenap.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

The problem is that every time the conversation turns toward actually getting engaged or making long-term plans, he suddenly becomes impossible to pin down. Oh no. Oh boy. Not the ultimatum. Not the ultimatum. Boom, boom, boom. It's never a hard no. It's always, I just want us to be financially stable first, or I want to get through this busy season at work, or let's enjoy where we are right now. The reasons always sound reasonable on their own, but then the goalposts move. When we met the financial goal he set, suddenly it was about buying a house first. Then after we started seriously looking at houses, it became about wanting to feel more settled in his career.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

I've asked. So he's procrastinating, is what it sounds like.

SPEAKER_03 14:01

Well, it sounds like he doesn't just doesn't want to.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

Apparently, but also then why go through the trouble of like buying a house and all this other crap?

SPEAKER_03 14:09

Did he buy a house? Sorry, I'm reading, I'm not even really paying attention.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

Yeah, because they said that they were seriously looking for a house and then like then.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

Oh yeah, then after we started seriously looking at houses, it became about wanting to feel more settled into his career. Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Right. So at that point, I would figure you they have the house, which is great, but now it's all of a sudden career-based. And it's like, I feel like that would be.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

Well, this is they started looking that then after we started seriously. Wait. Oh, yeah. So the goalpost move, I kind of zoned out while I was reading. He says when we met the financial goal he set, suddenly it was about buying a house first. Sorry. Then after we started seriously looking at houses, it became about wanting to feel more settled in the screen. You good?

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Oh, it just I took a big swig of that thing again and it just burned my throat a little bit. So I don't know if it's maybe settled at the bottom. And then when I when I gulp it, it's just like all coming down.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

Yeah, it might maybe have to like shake it up or something.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Maybe. You know what? I'm gonna do that while you keep reading.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Um, so yeah, I don't think they've bought a house, but she's saying like he was worried about finances because they didn't have a house. And then when they were financially set, then they started looking at a house. Well, now he's focusing more on his career. So it sounds like he just keeps changing it. Every time they get somewhere, like, oh, I'll marry you after I get settled. Oh, yeah, like after my career gets settled. And then I'm guessing if his career gets settled, he's like, Well, I'll do that after I get a better career, or I'll do that after I get a car or something. I've asked him directly whether he wants to marry me. Every single time he says yes without hesitation. He tells me I'm the love of his life. He says he can't imagine being with anyone else. He talks about us growing old together, but somehow, none of those conversations ever become actions. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm putting my own life on hold, waiting for someone else's timeline that never seems to arrive. What makes this even harder is that outside of this issue, he's genuinely a wonderful partner. He's thoughtful, affectionate, supportive, and reliable. We almost never fight. He shows up when I need him, he remembers little things about me, my family loves him, and his family treats me like one of their own. If the relationship were bad, leaving would almost be easier. Instead, I'm wondering whether I'm being impatient over one issue while ignoring everything else that's good. I've started noticing that I avoid conversations about marriage because I don't want to hear anything delay. I even find myself pretending I'm not interested anymore because it hurts less than hoping. Some of my friends think he's just comfortable and doesn't feel any urgency because I'm always there. Others think maybe he genuinely has commitment anxiety. My mom quietly asked me recently whether I was okay spending another five years waiting.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Five years? So they would be together for like 11 years, and basically what said what you said is you'd have people being married for together for at least 10 years, and then they get married, and then they're divorced within that same year.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

Yeah, I'm not saying it always happens that way, but that's what I've noticed. That a lot of time. That question has been echoing in my head ever since. The thing that scares me most is that if I leave, I might realize I threw away an amazing relationship because I couldn't be patient. But I'm equally terrified that I'll wake up at 40 still hearing maybe next year. How do you tell the difference between someone who's moving slowly and someone who's simply never moved going to move at all? That sounds similar to another story we've had before.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

I know, it kind of does too. I just can't put like put it on the roof of my tongue or whatever, whatever that expression is. The tip of my tongue. There you go, that's what it is.

SPEAKER_03 17:55

Yeah, the the last few sentences sounded familiar. How do you tell the difference between someone who's moving slowly and someone who's simply never going to move at all? So uh then again, that's a pretty common um issue people have, so maybe that's why it sounds similar. But maybe or it's someone like rewriting in, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

I think what it was is I think there was a couple in one of the stories, and I don't know or remember fully, but I feel like it was like after it was like after a year they moved in or something like that, or six months, like it was relatively early. Yeah, and then she wanted to like after year two, like see what was going on, and then he just was like, I don't want to do that right now. Like, I'm I'm content where we're at. And I was like, Oh, but I've I it's gotta be one of the earlier episodes that we did. I don't think with Bird Girl, but I think it was like probably one of the stories after that for sure. Um, yeah, it's a little interesting there. I don't know, like I know it sounds kind of crappy to say, but why are you with this dude after six years and he's still procrastinating on this whole thing? But the only thing I'll vouch for him on is this is kind of like a quote from Steve Harvey, surprisingly, is he has like real moments with like real people and stuff like that on TV sometimes. And I think he's got his own talk show too, on top of Family Feud. But he brings up a point where at least for some guys, like they don't have a biological clock like how women do, like when it comes to like having kids and stuff like that, they have a financial clock. So for us guys, it's more like we want to make sure we're good with finances and a career that is gonna be there to provide uh to provide for the family or you know, whoever, yeah. And then then they can think about you know the kids and all this other stuff because they want to be financially ready. Because if you are a McDonald's worker, right? And then let's just say she doesn't have a job. I don't know, you know, this whole story, but like she don't have a job, yeah. And then she's like, Oh, I want to have kids already, and hey, I want to move in together. And it's like, okay, cool, but do you think a McDonald's worker is gonna be financially stable enough to like have kids and all this other stuff going on? Because if they get sick, you're gonna have to take them to the hospital. There's also school, there's food, extra food, yeah, all the even their entertainment, like toys, clothing, diapers, you know, diapers are expensive as crap. Yes, they are. We would know. Yeah, I I mean, I definitely know because of my brother. He's he's uh now on baby number four that's coming this year, um, which is his second girl. So he has two boys and one girl right now, but then he'll have the other girl later on. But yeah. Um, yeah, it's it's more of like I can see it from both perspectives, but also I see it more. I'm on more of her side, believe it or not. I am because uh six years is too long. Yeah, it really is. That's crazy. Like, and then yeah, her mom brought up a good point.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Like, are you ready to wait another five years to get married? Am I gonna be not around when I have grandkids? Possibly, maybe kind of sorta.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

Like, for real, like that's way too long. Like, I waited at least, at least to propose to my uh fiance at the time. Um, I waited about a year and a half, two years to propose because I felt like at that point, like we got to know each other and then propose, and then that following year we were gonna have the wedding. Yeah, I feel like that's fair because it was like two years roughly knowing each other. So I'm like, cool, you know, we'll be good. And then yeah. But yeah, I would I would say obviously he's not a bad guy either, other than the procrastination part.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

Um yeah, but also it's like if you keep holding things off at what point.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Do you say enough is enough?

SPEAKER_03 22:02

Yeah. Because obviously everybody wants to be financially set by the time they get married. But it's just if that's your goal to getting married, you're almost never going to get there. Because there's always going to be something you're going to worry about money-wise.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

Right. Yeah, anything could come up. The car, even your other, you know, or even the house. You could have the roof cave in.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

And that's like $30,000 plus dollars right there, depending on what kind of damage you got. So But yeah, I would uh what else was there? There was something else I was about to say about the situation, too. Is the fact that he's not a bad guy either, like where they said, like, you know, she hardly argues with the or they don't even have any arguments, you know? He's like honest, open, and whatever. And they don't fight, and it's like, sure, that's all good. And he may be like your prince charming, but again, you're waiting six years, possibly another five, to maybe have him pop the question, you know. I feel like at some point you gotta you gotta make a decision, honey. You gotta be like, hey, like, where's the ring? I don't even know if maybe she gives like subtle hints, like what some girls do.

SPEAKER_03 23:13

You gotta make a decision, honey.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

You know, you gotta make it like I don't know if she's done like the thing where you're like when a girl's like wanting to get married to the guy, she's already looking at engagement rings and like I don't know if she's done that move. It's been a while since that's happened.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

Whoops.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

Oh, that was the fact that I it just it just came up mentally. For a second, I was just like, oh whatever. And then I was like, wait a minute, and then it was whoops.

SPEAKER_04 23:55

Oh man, that's funny.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Yeah, so when she's looking at engagement rings and stuff, like just have the guy just be like, you know, obviously, like intentionally leave something open or be like, hey, you know, look at like I'm gonna go to the bathroom, like I'm gonna leave my phone here, whatever, and then see if he'll peek over, you know, and see, oh, she's looking at engagement rings. Maybe she's actually wanting to get married, and then if he doesn't say anything after like a couple days, then maybe like that's so such a hard thing to do, though.

SPEAKER_03 24:29

Like, hope that he sees your phone on the case.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Well, I'm just saying, like, as an example, you know what I mean? Yeah, but like again, you if you're not being subtle about or not subtle, if you're not being like blunt enough about it, then it comes down to a point where it's like, okay, dude, like we need to at this point. I'm almost siding with her to do an ultimatum. Is be like, look, dude, I want to get married, and I understand. Well, like, we already have everything together. We have joint bank accounts, we have a house, we have we're financially set for the most part. Yes, you can still focus on your career afterward. We don't need to have a kid right now. I don't know where where they're at with like having a kid, but like if they don't want a kid right now, then it's like cool, then he can focus on his career, yeah, while you guys are married at that point, you know.

SPEAKER_03 25:20

Yeah, I mean, I'm not necessarily against ultimatum, but it just seems like when someone says gives an ultimatum, it's just like not the healthiest route.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

No, but at this rate, I feel like I'm more on her side for sure. Because I'm not gonna lie, there's there's some times where it's like I'm more on the side of the guy versus like the girl, but other times there's like I'm more sided with the girl than I am the guy, and that's one of the these cases.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Well, I'm definitely on more of on her side too.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

Yeah. Like I just think that or maybe not an ultimatum per se, maybe if it doesn't come down to it. But I would say, like, definitely bring up the fact that like what we were just saying is like, you know, we already have everything that we want right now. You we you can still focus on your career, but I want to get married because you don't need to have an expensive wedding either. Like, I don't know how bougie she is either, but like you could go down to the front of the court and get married for like 50 bucks, or you could do like what some people do is just maybe spend like I don't know what their savings are, but spend like five thousand dollars. You know, just get a small venue, invite a few people, do whatever. Yeah, it doesn't have to be a big thing, yeah. Cause Ashton, my buddy, he just got married and they spent like I I think even less than three uh two or three thousand dollars because they just got married on the beach. Um, at so her her dad is a lawyer, Molly, and so he's got some property and he lives right on Lake Michigan. So he's got like a private deck that goes down onto the beach. So they got married on the beach on like a really nice setup. It was beautiful. And you know, I'm like, do something like that. I mean, you probably I don't know again, their situation, but like you could even do just like a beach wedding, you know. Yeah, invite like and I think we only had maybe 50 people. Yeah, you don't need a lot, yeah. You don't need a lot. So if he's worried financially, just be like, yeah, we'll invite family and then we'll invite some friends, you know. I would probably say immediate family, not like your second cousin twice removed, you know.

SPEAKER_03 27:25

No, bring the second cousin twice removed.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Just the one, just the one, and then yeah, just have your normal wedding and call it a day, and then again, he can focus on his career, and you can focus on other stuff, and but you'll be married at that point. So maybe maybe bring that up in a conversation. But yeah, if it gets too long, like I wouldn't definitely wait like five years, like what your mom is saying. Just be like, hey, like, I want to get married like soon, or like we we gotta do something here, bud. Yeah, come on.

SPEAKER_03 27:55

Otherwise, otherwise it's not gonna call him bro too.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Really, ready, really let it sink into him when you call him bro. Yeah. You'd be like, what? Babe, you never call me bro. Well, I'm calling you bro now.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

Sounds good on that one. Yes, it does. Are we ready to move on to number two? We've only been dating two months, but something feels off. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Two months? Yeah, I that yeah, that's pretty reasonable to feel off about something. Hi, everyone.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

I'm writing because I feel like Hi everyone. I feel like I feel like I'm ignoring my own instincts, and I can't tell whether that's maturity or denial. I've been seeing a guy for about eight weeks. I like how that she puts in the title two months, but then says eight weeks. I mean, it's the same, it's the same thing, but it's like people with their babies. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

Like they're just like, oh, how old's your baby? Oh, about like 180 months and 15. Like, it's like, just tell me they're like three and a half years old or something stupid, you know? I don't care. Yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_03 29:02

They really do do that too. They do. We met through friends, and honestly, our first few dates were amazing. Conversation flowed effortlessly. Did she put it in italics or something? No, I'm just amazing. I just figured I'd read it that way because it was just like a over-the-top sentence. Conversation flowed effortlessly. We have similar interests, similar senses of humor, and I felt comfortable around him almost immediately. But but the infamous but he checks so many boxes that I almost feel guilty for questioning anything. Here's what's bothering me. When we're together, he's incredibly attentive. My phone barely exists because we're talking and laughing for hours. He plans thoughtful dates, remembers details I've mentioned once. He is good. If he can remember details, quite a prince charming, if I would say. And makes me feel like the most interesting person in the room. But between dates, it's like I disappear. Sometimes he'll go on an entire day without responding to a simple text, and he'll suddenly pop back up with a funny meme or ask if I'm free Friday, acting as though nothing happened. When I brought it up casually, he apologized and said he's just terrible at texting and gets hyper focused on work. Fair enough. Not everyone likes texting. That's what she said, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

That's what she said.

SPEAKER_03 30:26

That's what she said. Except I've noticed when we're together, his phone is constantly lighting up. He answers plenty of other people almost immediately. Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_01 30:35

Stinky uh.

SPEAKER_03 30:36

Oh, stinky uh oh. I know that we need a button for that. I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it planted a seed in my brain. Then there have been little moments that don't quite add up. He'll tell me he spent all weekend relaxing at home, but then mention in passing that he went downtown Saturday night. Oh, so we're getting a little bit of fibs in here. Yeah, we are. He once said we'd he'd never been to a certain restaurant, but later recommended his favorite thing on the menu. None of these are huge lies, but they're still lies.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

They're still lying.

SPEAKER_03 31:14

They're still lying. Honestly, maybe I'm remembering wrong. Maybe there are perfectly reasonable explanations. It's just enough inconsistency that I keep wondering if I'm only getting edited versions of the truth. Here's the embarrassing part. I've caught myself checking when he was last active on social media, looking at whether he viewed my stories.

SPEAKER_02 31:35

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_03 31:36

Wondering, yeah, I know for real. This is this does not sound good. It does have good. This does not sound good. We need a red alert button. Yeah, we do. Uh I only have the air horn. That's not.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

That's fine.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

It's almost an alarm.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

Perfect.

SPEAKER_03 31:53

Wondering who liked his pictures. I don't like this version of myself. I've never been particularly jealous in relationships before, and I don't want to become someone who's investigating every tiny detail. Part of me thinks I should simply enjoy getting to know someone instead of expecting certainty after only two months. The other part of me wonders whether intuition often starts as tiny observations before becoming undeniable patterns. I haven't confronted him because I don't actually have anything concrete, just feelings. And I know how unfair it would be to accuse someone based on vibes. So my question is this how much uncertainty is normal in early dating? At what point do you you trust your instincts versus recognizing that you're still getting to know someone and filling in gaps with assumptions? I'd rather end something early than ignore obvious warning signs. But I'd also hate to sabotage something promising because I'm expecting perfection from someone I've only known for eight weeks.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

You mean two months?

SPEAKER_03 32:55

Yeah. Sixty days.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Oh yeah, that's right. Sixty days. Good lord. Um I would probably say on this one, at least for me personally, for me to see if somebody's an actual red flag if they don't show it off right away, or if like I get a little bit like I don't know if this person's like really, you know, saying who they are.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

I would say three months, you know, or 90 days.

SPEAKER_03 33:27

Yeah. Uh yes, three months is a good is a good number of months to know. Because two months is still kind of early, yeah. To really uh pinpoint anything, unless it's like obvious. Like if he's like, Yeah, I oh I cheat on everybody that I ever date, then it's like okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:47

But the fact that he's not responding to texts, like if you're not officially dating and you're not super serious, it's like he doesn't have to respond to it. He doesn't really have to, because there's not that full emotional connection where he's supposed to be like there for you.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

And for her to mention it kind of to him, like it's kind of like it comes off as clingy. Yeah, especially early on. Yeah, especially early on, because again, you're still in that early stage of dating where it's like, yeah, you know, like I kind of really like this guy and whatever, but like he doesn't answer the phone right away, and then it's like you're begging for attention at that point, yeah. And once that three-month marker hits, and you kind of like get a better vibe for it, because three months I feel like again is like the safer thing to like kind of really get to know somebody. Yeah. Um, then if he's still doing that where he's like ignoring your texts and all this other stuff, or like not calling you or not being as intimate, like whether that's like you're laughing, joking, whatever, then I would probably consider like, yeah, maybe this is not for me kind of thing. Cause at that point, you're still not really getting the emotional feel like you really like them or love them. Like if you were in a six-month relationship versus a three-month, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, for sure. So yeah, I would say the three-month rule, give it like another month, see where it is from there. If he's like responding more or whatever, cool. But then after that, again, if he doesn't, maybe time to move on there, darling.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Mosey on down the old rabbit trail.

SPEAKER_03 35:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a little too early to call. And if it's yeah, I mean, it's there's really not much to say about that one other. Just give the boy another month. I'm sure he'll come around. Yeah, give him another month. But the one thing that I do think is kind of weird is that he'll be texting other people while he's hanging out with her. Oh, yeah. So like he doesn't respond to her for a day, but if his phone's blowing up and he's supposed to be hanging out with her, it's like, why is he on his phone then?

SPEAKER_01 35:46

Maybe he's a player.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

Could be that too.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

He could be a player, you never know. Yeah. But then he's gonna pull the line hate the hate the game, not the player. Yeah. He's probably one of those guys.

SPEAKER_03 35:58

Classic. Well, do we want to move on to number three?

SPEAKER_02 36:02

Yeah.

unknown 36:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:05

I think I'm dating someone who loves the idea of me more than the actual me. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

Oh, I was gonna say, Oh my god. Crazy.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

Hi, hosts. This is a strange problem because on paper.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

Somebody's calling us hosts. I feel like a waiter.

SPEAKER_03 36:26

Oh waiter. Well, and their defense, sometimes like Andy will be on here.

SPEAKER_00 36:31

Oh, and they say like your host, Andy.

SPEAKER_03 36:34

Yeah, so it's kind of hard to pinpoint who exactly to write to because they don't know who's gonna be oh talking about them. Yeah. I mean, 90% of the time it's us, but that 10% trips people up. This is a strange problem because on paper I should probably feel lucky. I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half, and she absolutely adores me. At least I think she does. Yeah, she you probably just think she does. The problem is that I'm starting to wonder whether she adores me or the version of me she's created in her head. Dun dun dun. When we first started dating, she constantly told me how calm, patient, and easygoing I was. Truth is that I can be those things, but only sometimes. I also get stressed. I procrastinate, I get cranky when I haven't slept. I'm introverted and occasionally need an entire weekend alone to recharge. Whenever those sides of me show up, she seems genuinely surprised. If I tell her I don't want to go to a party because I'm socially exhausted, she'll say something like, But you're the outgoing one. And then he says, I'm not. If I disagree with her about something, she'll laugh and say, You're joking, right? You always agree with me. I don't. At first I thought these were just harmless comments, but over time I've realized I spent a surprising amount of energy trying not to disappoint the version of me she seems to expect. I say yes to plans I don't actually want to attend. I hide when I'm anxious because she always says I'm the emotionally steady one.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

That's kind of crazy. Yeah, stable one. Sorry, I had to adjust the mic for a second.

SPEAKER_03 38:15

I hide when I'm anxious because she always says I'm the emotionally steady one. Okay. I'm the frust I'm when I'm frustrated at work, I downplay it because she's convinced I'm naturally optimistic all the time. Ironically, the more she compliments this idealized version of me, the less authentic I feel around her. I finally tried bringing it up. I told her I sometimes feel like she puts me on a pedestal. She immediately got upset and insisted that it's impossible because she knows me better than anyone. Then she spent 20 minutes listing all the reasons I'm amazing. Which somehow proved my point without her realizing it. The weirdest part is that she's not controlling. She's not manipulative, she's incredibly kind. I think she s sincerely believes she's seeing the real me. Meanwhile, I feel lonelier than I expected in a relationship where someone constantly tells me how much they love me.

SPEAKER_02 39:07

Ooh. That's not a good sign.

SPEAKER_03 39:11

Because if I don't feel fully seen, what exactly is being loved? I'm scared that if I start showing more of the imperfect parts of myself, she'll slowly lose interest because I'll no longer match the person she imagined. Or maybe I'm overthinking everything and everyone idealizes their partner a little in the beginning. How do you know whether you're being appreciated or projected onto? And do you gently help someone fall in love with the actual person instead of the polished character they've accidentally created? That's how he ended it.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

Ended it like a word document. Oh. So how long have they been together? Uh did it say or I'm trying to remember. Good lord. My brain like 18 months. 18.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

No, it was it was a year and a half.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

A year and a half. I feel like in a way, that kind of feels like it's a little too in a weird, I don't know. It's it's like almost a little too late to be like, oh, this is the real me, you know, at that point. I mean, if he's really being himself, it's like sure.

SPEAKER_03 40:14

But like, how do you hide it for that long?

SPEAKER_01 40:16

Yeah, how do you hide it for that long? Like, that's kind of crazy. Like, I mean, usually when it came to relationships with me, at least, like when it came to talking about certain things, I don't do it like obviously right off the bat, like on day one, but like, so for again, and I use a lot of examples of exes, but it's obviously a dating podcast with her dating advice. So that's like the best way I can relate to it. Yeah. Is with my ex fiance when it came down to like certain things that I would talk about with her. Um, I waited at least to the three-month marker and then the six-month marker to really go over like what all happened. Like, I told her about like my previous ex or whatever during the six month and what happened with that per se, um, and how everything came to end after like four years and stuff. And she understood, and she goes, I really appreciate you being honest because this gives me a more like I guess in a better insight about you instead of like me and you just getting to know each other. Cause it'd be different if like we're just getting to know each other and I'm putting on maybe somewhat of a different persona. Yeah, you know, like obviously I feel like I'm more introverted than anything, but I'm starting to try to, I want to be more extroverted at that point, some point. Um, but yeah, like if I'm more introverted, then I'm gonna tell this person like I'm more introverted, like I just don't I need like a social battery recharge after a bit. Yeah, like I don't want to be going out all the time. Like, I'm fine with going out with you. Don't get me wrong. We can go do things. I just don't I can't do it right away. So if we wanted to even start out slower with it, like I don't know if they go to McDonald's daily or something like that, and that's what their social battery thing is, or if it's like, you know, a nightclub, or if it's like, I don't know, something stupid like the hookah lounge or something, you know, everybody's hanging around people. Like, just do it like start it out maybe like once a week, twice a week, maybe if you feel like a little anxious. And then if you're like getting once you get more comfortable with it, then go do more. So I guess in the sense, maybe do the same thing with like the real you is just show a little bit here and there and then see where it goes. But then after a little bit, if you start seeing her kind of pull away, because obviously he likes her, right? So if she doesn't like you for the real you at that point, then I would probably be like, well, part of it, I mean, at least I'm trying to be as modest as I can about this. It kind of sounds like to me that it's sort of partially his fault, then at that point, because of the fact that I know, because then it's him not showing the real him for so long, and then he would just dump on her. Oh, because he was scared, because he was scared about like showing the real him, right? And then versus like this might be the real version of her, you know, but she's showing right, maybe not the idea, and I think that's where he might be actually overthinking too, because he might be overthinking the fact that like she's creating this like image of the perfect man for her, right? Um, but really it's him overthinking because he's again more introverted, he needs like a whole weekend to recharge and all this other stuff, and then he finds himself more lonely. So I think it's just maybe he's putting maybe he could just if he still likes her, talk to her, you know, talk to her and be like, hey, if we could like tone it down on a few things, like whether it's going out for friends, like with friends to the mall, maybe it's like again going to McDonald's daily, just go like twice a week, something like that, you know, whatever he's gotta do to have. That conversation, because they can definitely have that conversation after a year and a half, you know. Yeah, then you're you're good to like just be like that. And if at that point, again, if she don't like that, and she's like, Well, babe, you know, I really like going to McDonald's and playing in the playplace every two days. And then you're just like, Well, I just can't do it because people stare and they think, like, who's this girl like playing in the play base? You know, then it comes down to that point where it's like, okay, well, then it might be time to move on, unfortunately. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:36

Because you kind of create, I feel like it's at he kind of created a perfect guy now for her, and now he's regretting it because it's too much to keep up with.

SPEAKER_01 44:45

Yeah. So my suggestion would be talk to her, let her know, like, hey, this is what goes on. This is the real me. So I still want to be with you. I still want to do things with you. I just maybe need to do like baby steps a little bit, like, kind of just do like a clean slate when it comes to like doing stuff and whatever, and then just me recharging after, like, maybe not take a three-day recharge. Maybe start it off as like a one or two day, you know, and then go down to one day and then just do that, or just reserve like one day to yourself to where you don't have to go out and do anything. Play Call of Duty. They just released Black Ops one and two for the PS3 or PS3, PS5, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

I'm sure that's what she wants to do, Stefan, is play Call of Duty. What if what if she does? What if she does though?

SPEAKER_01 45:32

She's like a COD master, and she just like is Master Prestige 55.

SPEAKER_03 45:37

She's like, no way, you have Black Ops 2. Is there a is there a cap on prestige?

SPEAKER_01 45:42

Like, I think there's master prestige, and then that's it.

SPEAKER_03 45:45

And then you just like it just goes by number after that. Yeah, it just goes by level prestige 56.

SPEAKER_01 45:50

Yeah, because in the current Call of Duty, I'm like pr I'm just it's it's just prestige at the beginning, and then it goes to master prestige after you reach level I think it's like level two fifty, I think it is. Level 250? Yeah, level 250. I'm at level 199 right now. But I haven't played Call of Duty in like a minute. But on Black Ops 2, I remember I think I got to Prestige 5 back in the day. Um, and that's a big deal. Yeah, that was a big deal back then. If you got prestige anything in Call of Duty, Black Ops 1 or 2, like you knew if you had somebody like that on your team, like you're you're winning. But I think they only went to uh prestige. I don't think I don't know if they had a master prestige back then. I think it was just prestige and then it was level 55. I think that's what it was. I could be wrong. If there's any Call of Duty players out there, don't kill me. Don't kill me, don't kill me. You know, I'm pretty sure it was like the cap was 55. Because it was a PS3, so you can only go like so far with data and everything like that, compared to now, where you can have like two terabytes on your PlayStation. I know, that's what I'm saying. But yeah. 18 months later, boy, you gotta do something. Have the talk, or uh you gotta have a weird conversation about uh you gotta move on or something like that. Yeah, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_03 47:19

But it is, and you put yourself in an unfortunate situation, it sounds like a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 47:24

But if she does love you, she does care, she will find you, and she will love you.

SPEAKER_03 47:31

Is that supposed to be a taken reference? Yeah, what a way to what a way to end the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 47:39

No, go fall William Newson.

SPEAKER_03 47:43

Anyway, everybody, thanks so much for listening this week. Bye, shut up, you bye.