Child Mental Health for Pediatric Clinicians

65. Digital Dangers: Tips from a Tech Insider

• Elise Fallucco • Episode 65

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Just when you thought it was safe to let kids play online... a Tech Insider shares surprising information about online/digital safety.  Dr. Fallucco chats with a seasoned professional in the trust and safety field about...

  • How to balance the benefits of technology while minimizing RISKS like exposure to violence, cyberbullying, and grooming. 
  • How to set up a Child Tech contract - that defines WHEN a child can use technology, WHERE they can use it, and HOW they can use it (i.e. which apps/games are safe and approved)
  • The NUMBER one rule for Tech Safety - DO NOT USE SCREENS IN THE BEDROOM.... and why this is so important

Send us YOUR  questions about tech safety! Drop us a comment at our instagram site @psyched4peds, leave us a "chat" on our website, Psyched4peds.com, or reply to our mailing list with YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT TECH SAFETY!

Check out our website PsychEd4Peds.com for more resources.
Follow us on Instagram @psyched4peds

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

Welcome back to Child Mental Health for pediatric clinicians helping you help kids. I'm your host, Dr. Elise Fallucco, child psychiatrist, and mom. So I'm beyond excited about this episode. Which is gonna be part one of a series about how do we keep our kids safe in the digital world. How can we help parents? Help their kids stay connected and take advantage of all the positive things about access to various games and apps and social media, while at the same time minimizing potential risks. And so for that, I'm so happy to be able to introduce our expert guest for today's episode. She's dedicated her life to keeping children and families safe. Having worked in US National Security for 16 years, she currently serves as the senior manager of Global Risk Assessment for Twitch. She helps to lead an international team in the trust and safety field in tech that works around the clock, across the globe to ensure that the content that children and teens are accessing online is safe. Before Twitch, she worked at Twitter, and you may be familiar with the names of these companies'cause they are global, international tech juggernauts. And in addition to all of this, Ashley is a mom raising young children in the world with us. And so she brings her expertise and experience. From all of these areas to help us better understand what are the risks and dangers in the digital world, and most importantly, what can we do to help keep kids safe? I am so excited to welcome Ashley today to the podcast. Welcome, Ashley. Hi. So great to have you on here, and I'm so excited to learn from your expertise. I mentioned that you work in trust and safety, but a lot of us outside of the tech world may be unfamiliar with that. Can you tell us a bit more about this field and about how it's helping to keep children and families safe?

Ashley:

Yeah, absolutely. So trust and safety is an industry in which you have a lot of professionals looking at content online, and trying to take it down, when it does arise or trying to prevent, the content from happening in the first place. So you have a lot of people who are writing the policies for different websites and apps and platforms. They're the ones that are kind of coming up with the rules as to what is and is not allowed online. And then you have people who are actually looking at content and trying to determine whether or not the content is in violation of our rules. So for my job, I work in the risk area of Twitch. With Trust and safety, I'm the lead of the Global Risk Assessment team. And so we are the people who are bringing together, all the people across the company to identify and mitigate risk when it comes to, some of this concerning content. And so we will flag it to everybody and then ensure that our leadership is brought in on it to make the right decision for the business and for our community.

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

It's really reassuring to hear that there's such a large presence at Twitch and that you're part of a global team that's really trying to pay attention to anything that is on Twitch to make sure that it is safe.

Ashley:

The people who do work in trust and safety are so passionate, like I am about keeping people safe, and they are really motivated and driven by a good cause and they're really committed. And I assure you that there are people out there looking at this content, some of whom look at. Like you said, all day, every day.

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

I think it's been drilled into our minds as of this point that we have to be really careful about our use of technology and our screen time. We know that if you spend a lot of time on screens, then there are harms associated with that because of what the screen time is replacing, right? When you're on screens, you're probably not exercising. And so we see increased rates of obesity or increased risk for, physical health problems. We know when you're on screens late at night, it's affecting your sleep, so you see problems with insomnia and increased risk of anxiety and stress related issues. When it comes to the content that we can find online. What would you say are the major risks that our children are facing, not just from time spent on screens, but from what they're actually being exposed to in the online world?

Ashley:

That's a great question, and this is what I find myself working on every day at work. I see a lot of nasty stuff online and we have people that work at my company and across the tech industry at all the different companies who look for this content and they try to ensure that their company is taking it down so that A, they don't harm people who are also seeing it as a viewer online, but also b, taking it down to protect the people offline, right? Because people may be putting content online, say advocating, violence against somebody in real life. So we need to also protect that person in real life and potentially work with law enforcement there. So some of the stuff that does come across my desk includes targeted violence against people. There is definitely terrorist content. There's hateful conduct. There's also suicide and self harm. Believe it or not, there are people who livestream themselves harming themselves or trying to die by suicide. And so that's, obviously disturbing content. You also see, content related to disordered eating. And so that is something that you have to be, concerned about for your kids.

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

Wow, this is actually so much worse than I thought it was.. When I start to worry about content that kids and teenagers can come across online, the first thing that comes to my head is usually disturbing sexual content or pornography. But you've highlighted a number of other disturbing things that kids can come across, like violence, hateful speech, terrorist propaganda, content that glamorizes disordered eating and even live streaming death by suicide. Are there any other types of distressing or alarming content that parents should be aware of?

Ashley:

So some other content that parents need to be worried about is cyber bullying and scams. I think those are pretty well known among parents, but then also sextortion. And I think this has been something that maybe parents don't have as much visibility into. So first to define sextortion is, sextortion is when a harmful actor threatens to share intimate images of somebody in the hopes that they'll get money in return, right? So they will say to a child, Hey, I am going to share this nude photo that you just shared with me. If you don't gimme$10,000 right now. Okay. And what ends up happening is kids are worried that their parents are gonna find out that they shared a nude photo and they're worried that they're going to get in trouble. You know, there's also the emotions of embarrassment and shame around that kind of act as well. And so they then fall into this trap of, okay, now I have to give this money and I don't have that money and I can't tell my parents about this whole thing and I'm not gonna ask them for money, and I'm worried some harm is gonna befall my family. So then they are led to, suicide or self harm.

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

And I think this goes to the heart of what a lot of parents are afraid of. We know that our kids can be reactive and impulsive and can maybe not make a really good decision in a minute. What we're afraid of is that bad choice of sending the topless photo or a nude image, that bad choice that you make in a split second can have devastating consequences. So knowing about all the potential dangers that are out there in the online world, I think it's a normal response that a lot of parents have to just wanna shut everything down. Oh yeah. No screens. We are turning off the wifi and good luck. We are gonna live in a world without technology. But the reality is this interacting with technology, interacting with screens is a part of their day-to-day life. And so, we're all as parents trying to strike this balance between letting our children explore in the digital playground, but also somehow keeping them safe.

Ashley:

Yes. So it's definitely a balance. And I chuckled when you said that because I feel like I do have a hard hand at home, and I joke with my kids that, you know, they're not getting a phone until they're 18 and they're not going to go on social media until they're an adult. And so it is a very hard balance and I think a lot of times we loop it into the extremes. No tech or tech, like you were saying. And so I think a good way of breaking it down is to really think about your child and their age and their maturity and to think about how all tech is not the same, right? So we have different tech devices and then we also have different uses of tech. And that's where you really have to think about what is age appropriate. And so if you think about our youngest kids, right? Usually, zero to, I don't know, three, you know, those are the kids who are really kind of just watching tv. And then when you get into more elementary school children, that's when they're going to start going beyond just tv. They're gonna start playing video games. They're going to start, potentially messaging their friends, maybe even getting phones and calling their friends. And then they also start using tech in school, right? A lot of schools have computers or iPads, and so you also have an educational component to it. And then beyond the elementary school kids, that's when you start getting into, middle school, high school and beyond. And what you can layer on top of all the things I just mentioned is of course social media. And so you have apps where kids are going to, see influencers to get, entertainment to potentially, message and chat with their friends. So all of this to say. No plan on keeping your kids safe is going to be uniform across those age groups. You have to constantly reassess where your kid is in life and what you're gonna allow them to have, and then make your plan based on all of that.

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

what advice do you have about how parents in general can manage their child's exposure to all this content that's on screens?

Ashley:

Yeah, exactly. That's a great question. And so I think once you have a good handle on what kind of tech your kid uses, there are several things you can do. So first and foremost, have a plan that sounds, in theory, like a big, you know, kind of nebulous idea, but there are resources out there to help you more specifically think through things. So for example, when we gave our kids Garmin watches, this enabled us to track where they were. It enabled them to send us a message if they were, in trouble and needed help. But we did a tech contract with them. And so we really had to, put out there like what was the function of the watch, what things was the watch able to do? When could they use it? Where could they use it? And then, it even got so detailed so as to spell out the exact messages that they could send to us, if they were in trouble because they're precept messages. And so that way they knew exactly what each message meant and when to use it. And you kind of think, well, of course my kid knows what watches for, but I assure you it was eye-opening to use this with. A seven and 9-year-old because there were things that they didn't quite realize about the watch that as an adult we made major assumptions about. So you can use these plans, you can make up your own. But like I said, there are templates out there that you can use. The American Academy of Pediatrics has one, and then if you simply Google it, you'll find some other resources online as well. And you can take a look at'em and you find which one fits your family. And once you sign the contract, you all talk about it and you literally have the kid and the adult sign it. And if you ever make changes to it, you just initial it and update it for everybody to keep an eye on.

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

I think this is a really good practice to get into anytime you're taking a new step into a different type of technology. You explained really helpfully earlier about how developmentally, depending upon when you're, going from preschool all the way to adolescence, that there's different types of technology that you're interacting with. For example, you give this great example of the Garmin watch. So when you get your first smart watch, that's one type of new technology. Level set about what are the expectations, what do these messages mean? What happens when there's any violation of this contract? What are the consequences? So everybody knows upfront. We had this kind of discussion and set up a contract with our oldest when he got a cell phone. And we found it so helpful and we actually collaborated with him to talk about what is acceptable use. For us it's really important to keep screens out of the bedroom. And so, if that we find that it's in your bedroom or if we find that there's violation here, the consequences. He helped us come up with them. And so it was more collaborative and it didn't feel like you're getting punished. It's just acceptable and safe use.

Ashley:

Exactly. And I think bringing the kid into it helps make everybody have the buy-in and get on board with the plan. Right. And I do just wanna also tack onto what you just said, which is, including where and when the device can be used. And so that is a really important thing to think about when trying to ensure your kid is safe. So the number one rule is to not allow your kid to have a device in their bedroom, and that is 100% because you do not have visibility into what the kid is doing. You have to be somewhat in range of the kid, even if you're not next to them while they're using it. Even if you're just in the line of sight or in the next room over, you have a little better, idea of what they're doing. But once it gets in the bedroom, there's a lot more privacy there. And that then gets you close to bedtime. And you know, you already talked about how devices are not good for mental health when it's impacting kids' sleep. But also that is when we see kids fall prey to grooming because they're in their room, they know their parents aren't around, they don't see them, and they start talking to strangers, and then they become, at greater risk for befriending people who are dangerous and posing as friends. And then kids may start sending inappropriate pictures.

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

That's a great example that you gave about what can happen behind closed doors. Whereas if your child is in the next room over and, there are no closed doors and you're walking by their laptop or walking by their tablet, it's a lot easier to interrupt and say, who are you talking to? Or what's happening?

Ashley:

Yeah, absolutely. And just to define grooming for parents out there who may not know what that is, grooming is when there are bad actors who manipulate and, prey on. Children or other vulnerable people to prepare them for sexual abuse. And so this does happen online. It happens more than you think it would. There I've read numerous articles of families who thought that they had put parental controls on their phones, but their kids figured out ways around it. And have actually left their houses to go meet those child predators. And so it is a very real thing. And I'm not telling you to telling you this to scare you. I'm not saying your kid is talking to bad people, but again, it's just something that you need to be aware of and to constantly check in on who your kids are talking to when they're online, and make sure that they are, trusted contacts, friends that you know and try and keep, contact between your kid and others on different services and platforms. Limited to that kind of engagement.

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

Predators know what to say and how to say it to help kids feel loved, feel special. Yes. Feel beautiful essentially so that they can exploit them.

Ashley:

Yes. The kids feel like they get attention or validation. And another thing to point out is some of the technology we have these days make it so much easier for them to prey on, right? So you know, when you have a. Platform like Roblox, where kids are playing games and where you have actual, you know, I don't let my kids play Roblox, so apologize. I apologize for not knowing the terms here, but like, I think you can earn money and use money to, you know, spend like within the game or to buy other games. And so you'll have predators who say to a child, Hey, if you do X, Y, and z I'm gonna give you the Ro-Bucks, And so kids are like, well, of course I want that money. Sure, I'll do what you're asking me. And sometimes it's not as obvious as, Hey, send me a nude photo. Right? Sometimes it's as simple as, Hey little girl, can you do a handstand? And so I will talk to so many parents and give them this example and they're like, well, yeah, whatever. Like my kid does gymnastics and like it's no big deal. Or I'll have parents tell me, well no, my kid's not gonna do a handstand. Your kid is 100% gonna do a handstand because they want to prove to other people that of course they can do a handstand, right? And guess what a handstand is. Well, it seems benign. It is not because the predator is trying to see if their shirt falls down because they're now upside down or to see if their body parts move around. And so kids don't realize that and even some parents don't realize that. And so. These predators find really subtle ways to start that grooming process and then it can get, further on the spectrum from there.

Dr. Elise Fallucco:

Wow, that story is so scary. But also illustrates the rationale behind why we should not allow screens or devices in the bedroom. So to recap, Ashley, you've recommended that parents use tech contracts for each new device or step into technology like your new watch, first phone first foray into social media. And these tech contracts are used to help kids know when they can use the technology. Where they can use it, not in bedrooms, can't emphasize that enough, and how they can use it. IE, which games or apps are approved. I also wanna put in a plug for the American Academy of Peds Family Media Plan available online, which can step you through a lot of this, so you don't have to start from scratch. So we're gonna hit the pause button right here in our conversation with Ashley, but the good news is we're gonna continue this conversation with Ashley in our next episode where we're gonna talk about what things parents didn't know that they should be doing and that they can do to protect their kids. Ashley's gonna give us practical tips, tools, and resources, including some of the products she uses for her own family. That she's found to be helpful and we're really interested in finding out what do you wanna know about what can help you in your practices and help families. So please send us your questions about tech safety. You can reach us. On our Instagram page at Psyched, the number four peds or online at our website, psyched the number four peds.com, and just throw us a message in a chat telling us what are the questions you have about tech safety, what issues come up in your own family or in the families that you work with? And we'll try to answer them as we continue this tech series. And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend. And if you wanna learn more, please find us online at PsychEd, the number four peds.com. And sign up to become a friend and colleague to join our mailing list where we will share some of these resources and information that we discuss today. Thanks for tuning in. See you next time.