Infinite Nerd Theorem

Mork Borg Descent: Curse Comedy and Chaotic Confrontations

February 12, 2024 INT podcast team Season 1 Episode 2
Infinite Nerd Theorem
Mork Borg Descent: Curse Comedy and Chaotic Confrontations
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Ever wondered what happens when a group of characters, notorious for being the scourge of their world, grapple with curses and comedic chaos? Strap in for a wild ride through Mork Borg, where our latest episode chronicles the twisted fates of an ensemble caught in Dr. Satan's macabre machinations. From the astonishing resurrection of a cursed Undertaker to the unexpected acquisition of a cryptic black book, we promise an adventure where laughter meets the macabre, and the roll of the dice can lead to fortune or folly.

This time around, our narrative arcs from the hysterical to the horrific, featuring a rollercoaster of confrontations with Biggs and Wedge of the shadow king's army, and the unraveling of a deadly mission bound by alchemical curses. Savor the tension as Eric confronts his past, Reinhold channels his fury, and Nava's cunning interrogations reveal the keys to their survival. And, in a moment of pure tabletop ecstasy, witness Eggerton's critical strike, leading to an exchange so bizarre, it cements our tale in the annals of dark comedy.

As our band of antiheroes contends with supernatural powers and spectral politics, they also face the more earthly challenge of... culinary mishaps. Their Gloomberry feast goes spectacularly awry, culminating in an explosive ending that's as amusing as it is unexpected. Join us for this episode of misadventures and mayhem, where every twist is as unpredictable as the next ingredient in Eric's disastrous recipe.

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Speaker 1:

Greetings one and all. We are back in our for our world of of Markboard and working title. Still don't have one really set in. I want to go with Beast Within, but then I went with Markboard Descent. I kind of liked it. But anyway, in our last session we met our cat. What was the phrasing you used to describe our characters?

Speaker 2:

Uh, absolute fucking scum.

Speaker 1:

Thank you. We met our absolute fucking scum of a group, we, and we have the savage from the wild. We have an absolute brute that that that believes his, that, his, his, his way or the highway. Then we have the man who will, literally can possibly talk someone to death. Thought we'd ever see that in a, in a game, but there we are. I'm gonna have to roll damage from whenever fucking Argorix talks now Shit. Then we have we have Egerton, our magnificent, our magnificent man who just borrows everything. I mean, good lord, all that silver. He got the last session Tounding and then it All right cat, I want to make sure I pronounce her name correctly.

Speaker 2:

It's Polka.

Speaker 1:

Polka, thank you, because I was saying that completely wrong the entire last session. I was saying Palma, so it's Polka, and then Polka are. Well, you know what Polka is still a mystery to us all. All we know is that she's holding on to mother and that she is a survivor of the massacre that happened at the Valley of the Unknown Dead. And as we were introduced to this true, absolute, fucking scum of a group, they were all sentenced to death because each one of them is a natural disaster in their own right, and they were taken to Bob and the Crips and the Shadow King's palace, down to the laboratory of one individual by the name of Dr Satan, and they were all given a strain, caused a change to come about, each one of them that they're well, basically, what makes them them who they are, why they are the embodiment of that sin they are and it causes it to literally rip out of them if they choose to ignore the catalyst that they should be, you know, fighting. So after they were making their way out of the sewers, after waking up at near the exit, they encountered a astral projection of really a truly horrid vicar. I mean, even from that distance they could still smell it, how a smell comes through astral projection.

Speaker 1:

So they were told that now the game has begun between the Lich and our absolute fucking scum of a group, and they must, if they somehow find a way into the Valley of the Unknown Dead towards her. They need to bring an end to her strange citizen, her private army. Yes, in every other portion of the dying lands, armies are like hundreds of thousands of troops. The Lich Queens is 11 individuals. That should tell you how dangerous these strange citizens are.

Speaker 1:

And they have been told that their first target is Gunthe, the murderous bastard's scarlet son of the merchant. As they were leaving the sewers, they found themselves in the cursed graveyard of Graventos and, through your typical RPG bullshit of magical dice rolling and mechanics, kat had an ability that led her to solve the puzzle like fucking that. So they didn't even get to be cursed because of some tomfoolery in the graveyard. They got to immediately go and find the right way and go immediately to the Undertaker hut and then, instead of a grand battle between the three individuals that were attempting to rob the Undertaker and maybe something even else, kat used death and dropped them all dead. Thank you, palta, and with that, the.

Speaker 1:

Undertaker died, but then Egerton brought him back to life. And he was brought back to life whilst he remembered a horrible memory of when all of his clothes burnt away in high school and he spent their remainder of the day nude. Why he stayed there we'll never know. And with this they were given an entire information packet on Gunthe. And that's where we left off on the session. Now we are coming back and it is time for us to go into the travel mechanic of Morkborg by utilizing traveling and tying a panic.

Speaker 1:

But I'm actually telling a little fibbiz before that, as our group of scum are standing around Reinholds using a what would normally be considered a short sword, but to him it looks like just a small dagger in his gargantuan hand. He's just picking his teeth and looking at the group and then you hear from the distance, from what looks like the distance of the Graventos graveyard. You see a pair of individuals. One is a like best way to describe him. His body shape would be a bowling ball. The individual just has a round sort squat body and the way his really shitty plate like it doesn't even look like it's steel, it looks like it would be aluminum.

Speaker 1:

All right, wait, no. Like maybe even 10, like the fantasy world equivalent of tinfoil, is what his arm was, what these two individuals armor looks like it's made of. So this short squat one his one looks at the equivalent of what would be considered the Michelin tireman for the way this armor has been designed, and he just has like a really flat of this weird very bendy metal material hat on top. And then the other one would be considered with the body shape of kind of like a lollipop. It's a big ass head and a skinny fucking body and his armor is just more in the lines instead of like the weird Michelin tireman ridges and stuff. It looks kind of traditional except instead of the spike being at the tip of the flat build hat cap it's really off keetered and it looks kind of like a shitty rhino horn and it's bent.

Speaker 4:

Hey, you think that's easy to guys. Yes, yes, oh God. Yes, I was warned that we'd smell them coming because of the uncoothed, that uncoothed thief. That stole made worry with the bell and broke our beloved church bell.

Speaker 1:

I'm gonna kill him. Reinhold, just looks at the two. I'm gonna kill him.

Speaker 5:

Easy big guy Besides, you've already had one.

Speaker 4:

We were just told by the shadow gang that we're supposed to bring this declaration for you. You're making me want to kill you.

Speaker 1:

I roll the five. The one named Wedge is pissing his pants so like through his armor. You just hear like a stream hitting something and it's like this torrent of yellow leaking through the cracks in the in the bendy metal armor.

Speaker 6:

So what's the declaration? Wait, wait, wait, wait wait, don't?

Speaker 5:

I know?

Speaker 1:

you two from somewhere, so if we're gonna do this, I want you to roll for me. Let me pull up my GM screen. So we're gonna make this a, we're gonna make this a DR eight and I want you to roll for me. Yeah, let me pull up your sheet and we're going to use yeah, we'll just use prep, we'll say prep, we're gonna say presence. So roll me a DR eight, presence. Roll, please See if you've had some past with 13s of plus one.

Speaker 5:

Right, I don't know. You're already clear to you, don't gotta worry about that yeah, I got a 16.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, you don't know right. So okay, so what was? What was Eric's past with Biggs and Wade?

Speaker 5:

Well, his backstory was his mother worked at a tavern. Biggs and Wedge came in when they were in Groff to have drinks, and Wedge tried to hit on his mom a couple of times.

Speaker 4:

Oh God, he's the one who called the black one I don't Biggs which I don't think is really mobile by good boy. Read the deco is already.

Speaker 1:

Oh, so it is you two, the torrential down port, the torrential pissing from wedge just is continuing, it just won't stop. And you guys just hear like a torrential dripping coming from Reinhold, as his mouth is just like drooling.

Speaker 2:

Looking at the two of them just look like as much emotion on their faces she could muster. That's absolute disgust, bigs and wedge man.

Speaker 5:

you guys used to run be the watchman over over. Hey, wedge, how's that? How's that not in your head? My mom gave you with that skillet.

Speaker 1:

OK, so I just did a couple of roles here. So, as bigs is getting ready to respond with some kind of smart ass comment, reinhold because I rolled a two to see if Reinhold would be able to resist his call, the gluttony at the moment, and to resist his anger as well, because I need to explain a little something. Reinhold is extremely fucking pissed because he's been told he can't do something, that he can't be free. So he's hungering to prove something, that he's the one that is going to conquer these lands and that he's going to become the new king. So he's basically did the whole teleport behind you, behind bigs. And so then I also just rolled to see him swinging with that big ass motherfucking troll, fucking femur. Yeah, yeah, it hit and he's going to do bigs is dead. You literally see big smash into his feet. Where the goddamn fucking declaration.

Speaker 4:

Wow.

Speaker 5:

OK. So yeah, wedge, where's the declaration? Otherwise, my friend over there was gonna hit you, hit you. Hit you about as hard as he did, or would you prefer it wouldn't be me?

Speaker 1:

Wedge, unfurls a big fucking scroll and goes oh God.

Speaker 4:

And so you have been given a new form of curse that has been designed by Dr Satan.

Speaker 1:

It is not a normal curse. That has been done with magic scrolls and it's a person, they must stun her out. It's an alchemical curse, and the only way to cheer yourselves at this curse is for you to drink and consume the Lich Queen's blood. But if and here's the thing if you try to run away or you try to abandon your mission, the parasite will take control, you'll become a monster and you will be hunted down and killed in Detroit. And he froze up the scroll Good.

Speaker 6:

Any more information about the parasites in us?

Speaker 1:

He his hands shaking.

Speaker 6:

I'm not going to go over to Wigs and I'm going to give him a very gentle pad on the face. It's okay, sweetheart, focus on me, tell me what you need.

Speaker 4:

Parasitical curse Paramecia.

Speaker 1:

He hands you a notebook. You recognize that is Dr Satan's very special black book.

Speaker 4:

Ooh very, very valuable he told me to give this to the one named Nava Wow.

Speaker 6:

Okay, well, thank you, sweetheart.

Speaker 1:

Oh you were saying Finn.

Speaker 5:

I said wow, nava, you really have your ways. My mom would have just broke his legs and made him talk. Sorry.

Speaker 1:

I know I had something in the back of my throat, excuse me, sorry.

Speaker 6:

Well, as I was raised, something I've learned very early on there was a time to be violent, there was a time to be sweet, there was a time to be a monster and there was a time to be a lady. It's knowing which, it's knowing how to act or in which particular time.

Speaker 1:

Reinhold pulls his femur from the smashed body of Biggs. You see, biggs this is when you notice that Reinhold, as his tongue comes out, it's been split in half at the tip to look like a snake and his tongue is very abnormally long. So as he sticks it out to lick on the femur, both sides of the split tongue wrap around the femur and lick it clean at the same time.

Speaker 6:

Impressive. I'm going to read the notebook.

Speaker 1:

So I'm going to be nice no voices for this one. I'm going to make it really easy to understand, so you guys don't have to be like the fuck did he just say? I couldn't understand to the voice. So what this book is entailing is this you. Everything else has been written in a very systematic code and you'll never understand it because of the curse that Dr Satan put on his writing. But thankfully, as you're skimming through the pages, your eyes finally stop because you are able to read what is in front of you, and it is specifically the one on can a curse become a parasite? As you're reading more and more, dr Satan had been researching the idea of making it to where a curse is immune to the immune to being cured, to simply being cured through by magic, that it has that condition, that it's a living thing that is able to recognize when you break these rules, that it truly is permanently attached to you until you fulfill the condition against it. Because and as you see underlined words have power, names have power, true names have power.

Speaker 6:

Do you want it to start? As much as I hate this sick bastard, I won't give him this much. He is beyond brilliant.

Speaker 1:

Do you continue reading Of?

Speaker 1:

course I do, continuing and you see, continuing through his reach, he finally found that, through through with what he did to create a true, perfect undead, undead being Dr Steen, the first and only lich with what he discovered on how to create her. Because you see that the what would have been the accompanying page, because he actually listed the number on what he did to create Dr Steen, it's been torn out of the fucking book, as if Dr Satan, even that cursed knowledge, disturbed him by. What he did to life Like this was truly a fucking sin against something that that this is how you create life, and something truly monstrous.

Speaker 6:

Something even the doctor himself was afraid of.

Speaker 1:

Exactly. He was only able to do it once. This is why he didn't go making a bunch of liches. It was something that disturbed him that bad that he wanted to make sure no one knew how to do so Continuing. But he found a way to adapt a piece of that and you see the word old factory, basically making the old factory a living entity, a parasite, this old factory parasite, which he dubs the paramecy. With this he is able to, with a combination of his foul blood that has henceforth not even really human blood anymore, it's more of just a foul ecore With a combination of that it turns it's the perfect solution to transmit it into the body and with that he is able to inscribe the words of the curse onto this paramecy flow into the body, and that is what has been given up, each and every one of them.

Speaker 1:

Nava, do you relate to this? Of course I do, because I was going to say Reinhold actually tries to look at the book and he just goes God damn, moon Speak. And so, god, I can't read much either. But sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.

Speaker 6:

I love you, reinhold. That's okay, sweetheart. This is why I do the reading. So I relay the message, I relay all the information and I'm going to keep this book. Oh so, and I'm going to study it.

Speaker 1:

So you're keeping the book. You're going to I'm going to time for a presence roll. Oh, I'm sorry, that's a D20. Would you like to? I'm going to use. So I'm going to let you use a. I'm going to Reinhold's going to give you an omen to re-roll that, because she rolled a four. I'm going to let you use. Reinhold will let you use an omen this time you pass, because I needed a 12. You got, so you got about a fifth. You got a two right A presence? I think so. So the book in your hand, this thing's alive Because, as the page on the cover of the book, an eye opens up looking around.

Speaker 6:

Long time no sleep, long time no see sweetheart.

Speaker 1:

It looks at you passionately. The book grows larger like a spell tone. Okay, so you're growing, or you're just happy to see it be the book you feel you, if you said something like the right, it's name you, you would fully gain access to some of its knowledge. Well, I am going to say it's name, Since I was an experiment of Dr Satan's before you heard him at one point in time as he would passionately stroke the spine of the book. He would go whoa book.

Speaker 6:

That's exactly what I do.

Speaker 1:

The book blooders open. And for this, because you got a 15 on your presence, I'm going to reward you with a different spell. So we'll let you. We're going to roll a D for real quick.

Speaker 6:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

And I'm going to tell the listeners what you got. So she, so she has rolled a two and I'm using from another expansion set for a more book called Quakeborg I'm. The book has opened up to a page called the runes of quake. She has gained onto the page called the rune of black magic, whispering for written knowledge and arcane secrets. The rune speaks knowledge of Shubh Nekaroth and her fiendish plot. And you know now I won't tell you anything. You will have to draw this rune and invoke it for me to reveal anything. But you know, but that's what you got. You now have access to that page, okay.

Speaker 6:

So we found power. This is the part I'm going to.

Speaker 5:

Okay, now Finner, so Wedge was that the only thing the doctor gave you?

Speaker 1:

Roll me a DR6 toughness roll. I'm not making you actually hit him. This is for intimidation purpose, and you're you, so that's why I'm having you do toughness. There's no way you could possibly fail this roll, but it still went a lot.

Speaker 5:

If I'm adding the plus, that's a 22.

Speaker 1:

Hold on real quick. I got to roll a D6 real quick. So you just hear like a loud as the back of Wedge's armor just fills up like a diaper and you see what looked like a black knife fall to the ground. But the thing is, the minute this blade made contact with the ground, it shatters and disintegrates.

Speaker 4:

I was supposed to sneak in cut novel with that.

Speaker 5:

Why we're going to do and Eric just going to get real close to him. Buddy, my good buddy, remember what happened the last time you tried to attack a girl, because if I remember, and Eric just takes his finger and just slightly goes right underneath his chin you were there to work, yeah, so let's see you real quick, all right, because the only thing Wedge has a plus three in is agility.

Speaker 1:

So I had him roll a dr 12 to see if he would be able to stay still and not run off like a coward at supersonic speed. Oh no, he cleared that shit. He rolled a 15. The man, it's a dust. It's just a dust cloud, because even Reinholt is just like damn that boy gone and just just a puddle. A puddle and pile of, and what used to be the bigs pancake is already gone and Reinholt is belching out the smash cap and armor of bigs. Sorry, nova, did you want some of this?

Speaker 5:

Okay, big guy, we'll take you to the group and we'll just put it in the back and sell it. But hey, Wedge, I know you can't hear me, but if you keep running, I hope that you find some place to take a bath. You smell like shit.

Speaker 1:

So, like during that Reinholt, it actually hit. This is when the true body horror of Reinholt is really revealed in his way, because he takes his bottom jaw and he stretches it about a good four feet, four feet down and he reaches down into it and then, as he's pulling out, he pulls out like what looks like a adult male's full on hand arm, forearm shoulder. With a snap and a twist he rips it off of what would have been a torso, pulls back up his jaw and goes here you go Nova and as he's snapping his jaw and Reinholt looks over at you, looks over at Argrics.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, fancy man.

Speaker 3:

Well, I know you're not talking to my real full tingle.

Speaker 4:

Well, I was actually gonna ask can I borrow the Laffyman?

Speaker 3:

Well, I suppose, just try to return him in one piece, shall we? Oh, don't worry.

Speaker 4:

He's gonna be in the best two hands, Well, best four hands. I possibly know I like you, Sid. This is yeah, boss.

Speaker 1:

You see the strange monkeys come out of the shadow of Reinholt and he goes all right, fastball special. So, sid, that's when Sid, he goes in, he grabs, tingle by the butt cheeks and lifts them up. And this is when you guys notice an immense horror, that the little monkeys arms have just become bulbously muscular. And I'm not talking the cartoony way, I mean the horrifying body, horror way. So it's just terrifyingly disgusting with how big and veiny these things have become and tingles just there, ain't no laughing anymore, as Vicious looks at tingle and goes all righty.

Speaker 4:

Now I want you to yeah, you're gonna hold this bomb and I'm gonna hold right here, aren't you, buddy? Reinholt, swing better. Reinholt's got the femur right Like a fucking baseball bat. Like a baseball bat, Seriously.

Speaker 1:

Oh God, here we go, guys, because I just rolled an 18. So here we go. So, with a mighty throw to win. This is when Sid. And when Sid does it, his leg just boom shatters to where all the what would have been the fur on the leg like disappears. From how buff the leg gets as it smashes down into the ground, like literally it goes down to his knee, from how hard it smashes into the ground.

Speaker 4:

And then he launches tingle, tingles, just as he's going.

Speaker 1:

Reinholt winds back and here's the thing Vicious has his ass pointed out, and so his ass inflates huge like a airbag as Reinholt swings with all of his might. Now nobody hears anything. That's how fast Reinholt swung. When you finally hear it, you literally see the sound barrier break as tingles just as he goes flying in the air as if reading from his invicuses own mind, reinholt likes the black powder bomb. Let me pull up the damage for the black powder bomb, mind you.

Speaker 6:

I'm just fucking dying right now.

Speaker 4:

Hold on hold on.

Speaker 1:

Cause this ain't done yet, this ain't done yet, cause hold on. And then, with a mighty collide in the back of Wedge's back he gets hit with the black powder bomb, taking six damage, leaving only his hand in the crater and in sheer horror. You see, in the shape of a hang glider, vicious has stretched his body as tingles is his, riding him back, just screaming the entire way he and then shifting into a parachute. He lands gently, safely, next down to Argrics and sit in. Vicious, plop down next to him, dust off his shoulders, get working with ya, buddy, they disappear into.

Speaker 4:

They disappear into Rhino's shadow. Thanks, man Couldn't have done that without you. My uh fancy pants friend.

Speaker 1:

As he smacks you in the back, Argrics.

Speaker 3:

Just see me like roll across the ground. I'm looking like Sonic the Hedgehog, just like spiraling across the ground.

Speaker 5:

Eric's just gonna stop him with his point, and oh Wait, are you sure you wanna do that? Uh, argrics yeah.

Speaker 1:

Okay, um, I'm gonna need you to give me a DR-14 toughness roll, please. Sir, do you not understand the style and grace that is before you? That is Argrics. This man knows how to make any prat ball into his motherfucking situation. When I said spin like Sonic the Hedgehog, he went spin-dash. Fool, I got an 18. Okay, you are so lucky you got that armor so you don't have to take any damage, but you skid back a good three feet as you are barely able to bring Argrics to a stop with his amazing spin-dash roll.

Speaker 3:

Oh no, my ring came out, Fancy man, that was fucking amazing.

Speaker 4:

We gotta do that sometime, my people.

Speaker 5:

You know I've always wanted to kick a noble. I wonder what they asked. I wonder what would happen if I kicked you, argrics.

Speaker 3:

Well, uh, just let me say before we proceed I'm missing my ring. Please everybody look around.

Speaker 5:

So what's the special about this damn ring in the first place? Hold?

Speaker 1:

on. Wait Before I end. Before, actually, I would like you to give me a make it good. Make it good, Argrics, and there's something in it for you. Give me a good one. I want a good fucking story, because I actually just rolled something too. I just have to double check something real quick for you.

Speaker 3:

Okay, so I gotta do this the best I can possibly can, without getting to the points.

Speaker 1:

Because inadvertently this actually Reinhold was the one that this was coming down to, to see if this would. But this is cool, Alrighty, so go ahead, kick it away.

Speaker 3:

Story time. Well, it's kind of personal, but I guess I can consider you all friends now traveling and spreading the word of democracy. Well, this ring is special to me because back when I was just a wee lad, when all I wanted to do was sing and dance and exploit tyranny, there was a peasant girl, filthy, disgusting, uneducated, but yet she always smiled and I could never figure out why. Here I had everything and this girl barely had crumbs to eat. And yet I felt bad. And one day I finally spoke to her and said why are you always smiling and happy? You're a wretch and I am a rio.

Speaker 3:

She just she couldn't speak. I found out. She just smiled and I saw her little stand selling rings. Sure, they were crap, quality handmade, but she just smiled and she handed me one and on the inside it said friend. And though I could never hear her voice, that smile just kind of made me think I could do so much more for the people instead of this. But then I smelt rum in the air and then I went to get a tattoo. I forget what it was. I think it was a rocket ship, but I forget where.

Speaker 1:

So, just indeterminate amount of time later, as Reinhold finally, like as he's been digging around in the grass blades, he goes, found it. But as he did, the power of, as I said, words have power and the power of this blow hard, fucking long ass windbag speech. It has affected the ring to where the ring literally crumbles away into dust. And see, here's the thing. This literally violates the law of physics, because fucking gold is not supposed to be able to corrode. But here's the thing even as the gyms somehow miraculously corrode away from this as well, from age, what is left is actually a reliquary of, is actually a Tundin Bay reliquary. It is a pair of magnetic stones that crackle and fizz when rubbed together. When the square stone is near danger, the round stone glows in a dull orange, a dull orange. The stone can lie. The gyms Reinhold looks over at. Um, our arson goes. Is it okay if I give it to?

Speaker 4:

egg.

Speaker 7:

Eggie will borrow it, if not.

Speaker 3:

I tell you what eggie. You may borrow it, but the attention that I get it back when I say the ring itself meant more to me. But I got the piercing down below to remind me.

Speaker 7:

Egerton will open a. Oh sorry.

Speaker 1:

I was gonna say so you actually go first B.

Speaker 7:

Egerton's gonna open a pouch on his uh on his, on his random assortment of pouches on his pants, and we'll pull out a handful of cheap kind of shoddy rings. And he says uh, eggie, has backups if you want.

Speaker 1:

That is way better than what I was gonna do. I love it.

Speaker 3:

Sure, my emancipated friend.

Speaker 7:

No eggie can use the bathroom.

Speaker 5:

He, eric, just put his face. He means free man. That's what emancipated means, eggie, he said. If you were emaciated, then you would be well never mind.

Speaker 3:

By the way, that ring was in my dick, If you didn't catch my drift. Let's save this place.

Speaker 7:

Oh, he doesn't have any of those.

Speaker 1:

Reinhold was behind um Eric when he said all that and he just goes.

Speaker 4:

Err err.

Speaker 3:

I got one more thing to say before I go ahead.

Speaker 1:

No, no, no, take it away.

Speaker 3:

This is just a thing that I'm going to try with my character, because I can't finish stories, but I can finish jokes. Unless you count that as a story. This reminds me of a delightful joke that Tingle told me. I really hope that death is a woman. That way, it will never come for me.

Speaker 1:

So at that moment, like because Tingle, this entire time he's just been standing there with just a thousand yards stare and just constantly screaming just a. But when you do that, he does the With his little jig and then back to he is going to be doing that thousand yard stare and screaming for the next Hold on Five days.

Speaker 6:

I'll get the duct tape.

Speaker 3:

Five days, that's less than normal.

Speaker 5:

I'll go get us something to cover our ear, put it in our ears so we can sleep somewhat peacefully.

Speaker 2:

Yes, as soon as that joke went through, she immediately burst into tears.

Speaker 4:

Yes, okay.

Speaker 5:

Wait, question. Yes. What was the last time we ate?

Speaker 1:

Oh, so, alright, realistically, you guys actually had a meal right before you went and dealt. Delt did the whole your whole trial. Right before the trial they gave you guys a last meal, because that's the way they basically do it here is that when you go to trial, you're already being told you're going to execution, so you get your last meal beforehand and realistically, it's only been a few hours. You guys haven't. We haven't started traveling yet. We were actually just about to start the actual beginning of the session. Yeah, I was just curious. Oh, no, no, no, I was just going to say we were. I was just about for us to do to ask who would like to do our very first travel role Me. I will tell you what, okay.

Speaker 1:

Alright, Cat can go ahead, okay, so let me tell you what dice you're going to use. Let me just tell you what I need to roll, cat. Set it up real quick because, as I said, we're using the Rhodes damnation mechanic. So roll me a D6 real quick, cat.

Speaker 7:

Just gonna say you never want me to roll these.

Speaker 1:

By the way, I'm happy. So we're going to be traveling for 12 days. So guess what? Every three days we're all going to get a turn to do four different roles. Since this was Cat's role turn for the traveling, she's going to get to do the first incarnation of it and this is what we'll do after we reach Galgan back, because the session will finally come to an end. We'll reach the end of the session when we actually reach Sleshwick.

Speaker 1:

So I said that these travel sessions arethat's why traveling is literally a session by itself. We got a lot of time, so we will be playing for 12 days. So for the first three days, let's see what happens on the first day. So let me pull up the chart so I can ask you first batch of questions, because we actually all each have at least a day of ration, because we all should have rolled a D4 to figure out how many days of food rations you got for, by the way, because Reinholt has four days of rations, nava has four days, and if you didn't do the initial D4 role, go ahead and do it now. That'll tell you how many days worth of rations you were given.

Speaker 7:

Biggie has three.

Speaker 2:

I have four and I guess a wagon. I love that comes with play.

Speaker 1:

That's actually going to make traveling really easy, and it, oh that, oh my God, that makes things. Oh, I'm going to give youeveryone gets advantage in all these roles because of this. I also have the donkey. That just gives double advantage, because now Reinholt doesn't have to pull the wagon.

Speaker 3:

Oh, I was just going to make tingled.

Speaker 1:

Once again, that would have just gave double advantage, because Tingle is riding on the donkey, alrighty.

Speaker 3:

Wait did you sayhold on Wait, wait did you say that he's riding on the donkey or under it.

Speaker 1:

You know what? You know what? Just because of that Tingle has beenwhen he wasbecause he was worried about falling off, he kind of tied a rope around his waist onto the donkey becausebut the way he did it, he tied it to where it was just a circle on the waist of the donkey, so he spun around from the top of the back and now he's underneath the belly and he's just hey everybody, look at this a jackass underneath another jackass. Monster.

Speaker 7:

One might say it's the Jack and the ass.

Speaker 1:

God damn it. I'm loving this already so much.

Speaker 7:

Every time he flips over.

Speaker 5:

Hey, Eggie, got a good joke for you. What do? You callwhat do you? What do you calla jackass? A guy stuck underneath theunderneath the donkey.

Speaker 7:

Yeah, I didn't hear it like Ardrick Spool.

Speaker 1:

He said what do you call the guy under the donkey?

Speaker 7:

What do you call him?

Speaker 1:

You call him Ardrick Spool. Tingle is just still streaming. He's still just no, he still just hasn't stopped. Alrighty. So, kat, roll me a D8, but remember you have advantage. So if you don't like your firstno, if you don't like the first result of what I say, we're going to roll it again and I'll tell you the next one. So, alright, go ahead. So tell me the first number. This is for what the road's like.

Speaker 2:

I got six.

Speaker 1:

Alright, um, you got the best number besides an eight. It's a well-used road.

Speaker 6:

Hi Smoothie.

Speaker 1:

Do you want to roll again or do you want to keep that one?

Speaker 2:

No, I'm good with that one.

Speaker 1:

Alrighty, alright, now we actuallynow. I need you because I almost forgot we got to do the weather.

Speaker 3:

This is more entertaining than the last donkey, shall I say. Good job, Tingle, yeah great job monster.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great job Tingle. I just hope that he doesn't get pissed on by the donkey. I mean that would be kind of disgusting.

Speaker 3:

He's just still screaming on there at the donkey.

Speaker 1:

Yep, and he's getting pissed on by the donkey Call that you did this. That's why Tingle is just looking at Eric justand you can tell in your heart of heart from what he's screaming and he's saying you did this.

Speaker 5:

Eric just looks at him and just goes, and I love every minute of it Okay.

Speaker 1:

So, kat, we're going to roll for an event by the road, so roll me a D20 real quick. A 10. Oh so your first choice is either we encounter a monastery, roll again 15. Or we run into a few mercenaries and their guards D8 guards.

Speaker 2:

So what would you want? It's a monastery, it sounds nice.

Speaker 1:

All right. So, as this group of absolute fucking scum are walking, you appear a chanting, and you see a beautiful monastery, like Lily, right there by the side of the road. Andoh boy Nava, you recognize these people because these are the monks and nuns. They are the cultists of Nekrubel, oh god, and sadly you know that this cult is. They are all most definitely cannibal and, as you think this the kindly, what looks like a, what would be like a father friar smiling just hello there.

Speaker 4:

Would you like to come in and have some bread?

Speaker 7:

and soup. Ah, eggie's not allowed in those anymore because of the bell thing.

Speaker 1:

The monk looks at Eggie and goes, yeah, oh, and because this is just an event and this is actually and it's not classified as in Attack a counter, I give you guys this this is a freebie for all of us. As we all run off, as they chase us away With very, very sharp knives it's that typical torches and pits for x-mob chase.

Speaker 5:

Man, this is like the last time I'm wind to grab. Oh there he is. Grab your torches and pitchbox and anything shiny, god.

Speaker 1:

What was that cat? I said I wanted soup.

Speaker 5:

If you want, eric kind of got the pops, looks at palta. If you want soup, I can actually make something when we camp.

Speaker 1:

All right, we're halfway through, guys. We're halfway through the day. Now roll me g12, cat six. So either we encounter a cannibal village one more.

Speaker 2:

If it's the same number, can I roll again?

Speaker 1:

Yep, doubles are automatic re-roll. Uh eight, I was just reading this one a ruined abbey. I will let you know and Thankfully this is from your upper lovable Egerton, with his knowledge of things, of and of borrowing, he knows that he's had his eye on this abbey because there's been Um rumors that there's something hidden, hidden inside eggy thinks we should stop, but that's just eggy. So does it have a green beard? Well, of course it will it pulled.

Speaker 2:

It would also like to stop.

Speaker 1:

Okay, oh, absolutely. So we will actually count this as where we're going to make the campsite. But as as we're going around, egerton's Borrow senses start to tingle as he passes by a certain crit. Egerton, give me an agility roll, please. Is Going to be a base dr10 difficulty, but because I know it's you, you get to have that lowered.

Speaker 7:

I'm sorry, was that for me? I had a little disconnect there. Yes, yes, so I'm going to need you to do me.

Speaker 1:

It's a base dr10 difficulty agility roll.

Speaker 7:

Well, I make those all dr10 anyways.

Speaker 1:

All right, let me make sure. I got one, you crit yeah, okay, um. So I'm going to let you do a free attack as well. These are the lesser it's the better way to call these things. These are the lesser experiments of the lich queen. They're called grunts and, just to show you a picture, that's what comes out as it's holding this strange like black powder shotgun. So go ahead and give me an attack roll. You're just gonna roll a. You're gonna roll a d20 plus your d20. Yep d20 plus your toughness 15. Dear god.

Speaker 7:

What have I done?

Speaker 1:

Um, that's a. You're definitely hitting him Um um, roll your damage real quick for whatever weapon you want to strike him with.

Speaker 7:

Oh, I forgot to write the weapon damage down. Uh, sword was under what d6. I think yes, three.

Speaker 1:

Oh, so now here's where this is a really fun Pup mechanic of morkborg. It is morale, because now I'm going to roll to d6, because you just took out half of his life, as how did you, what did you do when he came kicking through the crypt?

Speaker 7:

Iggy would have had his uh, his rapier kind of ready. So as soon as he came bursting through the door, he just he, he just pierced straight into him with it.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, and so when? So in In morkborg, with certain actions like either like a really cool Action a player does, or if you take out half a monster's health, or if they witness like a higher rank monster die, you can affect their morale. And so I just rolled 2d6 and I rolled a five. Well, in morkborg, when you roll a four through six, the enemy surrenders so it drops its fucking shotgun and drops to its knees holding its hands in the air and goes hey man don't kill me, I surrender.

Speaker 7:

Iggy will let you live, but Iggy wants to borrow your shotgun.

Speaker 4:

No problem, I was going to give it to you and there's something nice and shiny in there. If you want the shiny, you can have it.

Speaker 1:

I quit as he walks away.

Speaker 7:

So you get a shotgun B and it does d6 damage dude. Well, Iggy is quite happy with this so and a little bit.

Speaker 1:

So it'll follow the same rules as the blunt. Actually, I am sorry, okay, actually, no, it's just gonna follow some of the rules of the blunder bus. You will get two shots per load, meaning after um, after you shoot two times. So if you want to fire both shots at the same time, you can do 2d6, but if you want to just do one shot, it's 1d6, but then after that you have to reload it, which will be your turn doing that. But other than that, and for the shiny inside of the, let me see, what did you get for your shiny? There we go and do, oh, okay. So, eggerton, would you like to know your occult treasure you just got?

Speaker 7:

Iggy always knows, wants, wants to know what treasure he got.

Speaker 1:

So you got a blindfold, but here's the description anyone wearing this ancient blindfold Becomes invisible to those who breathe, though. The undead attack them obsessively and nearby corpses awaken and moaning Unholy wrath without knowing that he puts it on almost immediately. Oh, it's my weather chart. You go invisible. You're invisible now, egg. Oh, so when you rejoin the group, um, nobody can tell where Eggerton is.

Speaker 7:

I will wear of my visibility, am I?

Speaker 1:

oh, you can tell. You can clearly tell you're invisible because as you look down, you see no legs and you see where your footsteps are, where your feet are indenting the ground, but you're clearly invisible.

Speaker 7:

I would immediately go to mess with them.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to let you have some freebies during the night because the because I let cat have a freebie for weather today, for this first day, but on the next one, uh, we will do a weather roll. But last roll is what happens for a night event cat last time. D12, 11, a band of blind albino culted pass by or, and they're quietly chanting eerie hymns to their alligator goddess and roll one more time, 12, hold on, I actually had to roll something before I tell you real quick, holy shit. So there are three peddlers and they're donkey, travel slowly with sudy lantern. All right, which one? Hmm, just the peddlers. Now, you see, if we weren't a band of absolute fucking Scum, this would actually be bad, because as the peddlers come up before what looks like a very shady individual can say anything, the other, equally shady one goes no, no man, that's never the black wolf.

Speaker 4:

Oh, hey, a good man, I saw you at the last deeds guild meeting me out. No, no, no, we don't want to die.

Speaker 6:

Jesus, that's ryan hold, run you fool.

Speaker 4:

And.

Speaker 6:

I'm gonna yell real fast. To empty the park is before they die.

Speaker 1:

Hold on real quick and leave the donkey. Okay, so both of you um, I am the card. Argorix, Argorix roll, a Argorix roll a DR12, DR12, presence roll, and you're gonna be doing the same, Nova. Okay, you only got a five, they just they leave some rocks. Oh yo, wait a minute. No, this still counts, so let's reroll.

Speaker 3:

Sorry, you said a D12 and a what?

Speaker 1:

Dom, you're gonna put your presence number with it. It's a DR12. Okay, nine. So how much presence do you have? 10, zero. Okay, not enough. They keep riding their donkeys, but they do leave 100 silver.

Speaker 6:

Oh, I'm taking that.

Speaker 1:

All right, eric, give me, do the same, give me a DR12,. Give me a DR12 presence roll.

Speaker 3:

Oh, I already rolled.

Speaker 1:

Oh, no, no, no no. Eric, I ain't for Finmer 16, bob 19. They cut the donkey loose as they leave it. So now there are two. Now you have two donkeys and Nova now has 180 silver.

Speaker 5:

All righty so, Anyway, this is going on. Eric is getting ready to, like he said he was gonna cook, Okay you know what?

Speaker 1:

Now we're really gonna have fun here because I have a chart for this. So hold on, let me pull it up real quick. So I want you roll me a D6 please. I got a four. Good sir, okay, you make some delicious Gloomberry mix and look, reinhold's not rude, he's going to eat. You can't make your choice from reading that Would Nova eat.

Speaker 6:

Very messed. Does she have knowledge of the-?

Speaker 1:

You know what Presence roll of Gloomberry specifically, and because of who you are and your knowledge of where you've been, I'm gonna make it a DR10. So, oh, you made it. So, yes, you know Gloomberry very well.

Speaker 6:

I'm going not eat. I politely declined, saying that I'm full because of Rangold Shale and Legway all the-.

Speaker 1:

Reinhold goes more for me Good job, and does anybody else eat the Gloomberry mix besides Eric and Reinhold?

Speaker 2:

Yes, but I gotta get some of the pee-pee.

Speaker 7:

Good uh-. A-e would feed her and himself.

Speaker 1:

Okay, Arteryx, do you eat it?

Speaker 7:

Because mom told him never to leave a plate behind.

Speaker 3:

So, as a goodwill jester to my jester, I'm gonna give my bowl to Tingle because I still got beef jerky and I wanna show that I really appreciate him.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 3:

Eat up.

Speaker 1:

Tingle. So Eric, reinhold, volta, egerton are all gonna and Tingle are all gonna do DR12, DR12. Let me see toughness rolls. I'm gonna tell you what this is specifically against. A second First is going to be Tingle. Tingle has no oh no, tingle doesn't have toughness. So that was Tingle. Now Reinhold. Oh, thank God, reinhold has a plus two.

Speaker 4:

Wait, oh no.

Speaker 1:

Reinhold failed. Okay, so everybody else, tell me your numbers 11.

Speaker 2:

14.

Speaker 4:

Ooh, that's three people, and then 12.

Speaker 1:

It's a DR12. Oh wait, so you passed me.

Speaker 7:

No, no, no for her. She had 14.

Speaker 1:

Oh no, I meant just. Egerton fell 17. Okay, so this is that moment, as everyone's eating. This would be that moment when the mountain trolls the hall of the mountain, the hall of the mountain, the troll king would be playing the little bomb.

Speaker 2:

Call the mountain king.

Speaker 1:

Yup, the hall of the mountain king. You just slowly as they're eating it. Then suddenly you see Tingle stop screaming as he started eating it and his eyes go super large as you just hear the most loud explosive fart as he goes flying in the air as the most violent explosive diarrhea begins. Before Reinhold can start laughing, he grabs his stomach going ah. And as the music's going he even harder to do. He starts spraying explosive diarrhea. And then Egerton looks and just goes man, as this explosive diarrhea goes behind him.

Speaker 7:

Not the first time.

Speaker 1:

As Tingle falls on a branch, you just hear a fart.

Encounter With a Strange Group
Declaration and Parasitical Curse
Book Discovery and Supernatural Power
Special Ring and Travel Plans Discussion
Agility Roll, Attack, and Loot
Eating Gloomberry Mix Gone Wrong