Infinite Nerd Theorem

Morkborg's Descent: Cursed Escapades and Lurid Laughs in a Pumpkin Patch

February 26, 2024 INT podcast team Season 1 Episode 4
Infinite Nerd Theorem
Morkborg's Descent: Cursed Escapades and Lurid Laughs in a Pumpkin Patch
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

What do cursed notebooks, Lantern Man, and blood bonds all have in common? They're just a taste of the dark and twisted escapades you'll encounter as we re-enter the world of Morkborg. In our latest episode, our band of scoundrels picks up right where they left off—inside a pumpkin patch of all places, with their pockets full of stolen goods and their souls miraculously intact. Suspense lingers like a fog as we unravel the eerie connection between Palta and Reinhold, a revelation that leaves more questions than answers. And just when you thought things couldn't get any stranger, we witness the unmasking of the Lantern Man, revealing a web of deceit spun by the enigmatic Shadow Queen herself.

Ever been caught with your hand in the cookie jar? Or perhaps you've shared a feast with pigs? Join us for a rollercoaster of laughter and the absurd as we recount Eggsy's hilarious thievery and the group's chaotic dynamics, marked by the absence of our 'fancy pants' compatriot. From moments of kinship sealed with blood to the eye-watering hilarity of royal grooming rituals gone awry, this episode injects humor into the bleakest corners of Morkborg. So tighten your grip on your sword (or snack of choice) and prepare for an adventure that proves camaraderie and mischief are the true spoils of battle in this treacherous realm.

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Speaker 1:

And greeting one and all, and we are back with our absolute fucking scum of a party. That's right, we are writing that and I am thankful to the player playing Polta. Thank you, katz, that is a great moniker for our group, and so, but yes, got everyone. We are back in the Morkborg and, following just as I did in the last session, I'm going to hit you with that beautiful recap to remind us all of what happened during that session. So in the last session, the players were leaving the graveyard and just as they were leaving, they met Biggs and Wedge. Wedge was in the midst of emptying every last bit of liquid and solid within his body as he defecated and in sheer fear, he just couldn't get the words out, and Reinhold couldn't take it anymore and smashed Biggs into a pancake to make Wedge finally fucking talk.

Speaker 1:

Through some amazing coercion with thankfully, with our sin of greed, navva, we wedged finally spat it out about how their curse works and about how they can't just abandon their duties or they are quite literally fucked. And then, with this, navva was given the book from Dr Satan and she learned even more about the Paramecia and the fact that this was no ordinary notebook. This was, in fact, the book of none other than the Lich Queen. It was a living entity and, as they found out during their travels, that this was literally the flesh of a being by the name of Katan, and if Navva would have actually written her name and used her blood in the contract of the book, her soul would have been lost, gone for the rest of this from the game. But through some tricky foolery and thinking from Egerton, they successfully destroyed that horrible trap left by Dr Satan. They learned to foul. Navva learned foul some fun new eldritch magic in the form of the rune of rune magic.

Speaker 1:

And then afterwards the players found a pumpkin patch and with a night of groovy shenaneries and some other othery, they continued on Meaning cannibal cultists, cannibal villages, a all out brawl with the guards along a section of the road because they could not help but talk shit to our absolute fucking scum of a group. I mean well, I mean, yeah, they were dumb. And then with this, they finally reached Goluginbeck and, once again, through some shenanery brought on by our good friend Egerton, they managed to buy out the merchant's entire stock without having to sell any pieces of their soul. And then they enjoyed quite an amazing meal, amazing meal with with that was bought by Reinhold. And then they witnessed the amazing birthday party of someone that is known as the elusive cryptid, the one, the only Lantern man yes, and he's even invading my fucking narrations now. Fuck you, lantern man.

Speaker 1:

But anyway, and oh, how could I also forget? We also learned that there is a connection between two of our players. They are both connected to not only the Lich Queen, but also by blood. How will Polta and Reinhold handle this fact of knowing that they actually are cousins? We'll find out, dear listeners, but before we go back to our party, we have to go to Schleschwig, as we do a little cutscene, so to say, as we join in with, with the strange citizen Gunther and his two and his two hired henchmen, adam Slavic and Sis Ermingol.

Speaker 3:

Huh, huh, huh huh, I saw the little fucker go this way. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. Hey boss, Sis is still drowning. Ah, the little fuck. The little fucker is still using that foul form of magic. Huh, huh, huh, I'm going to get you. You're far too much of a simpleton to even think you can stand against Prometheus Packer. That's why it's darn chicken to you, bitch.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to get you, you little bastard, the strange citizen Gunther, tastes after a very peculiar silhouette. I did not learn about my true destiny, about how I am the one to bear the monocove, but I'm no mere pervert, you strange looking, mask wearing individual. For I lust for knowledge and the lust to bring back the f-the, f-the foul to stand above you, simple monkey.

Speaker 1:

For a thousand years ago and it the camera goes away because we ain't staying for that bullshit. And we join in with the players waking up the next day and, as we do, reinhold is literally sitting like he's like squatting on Eric's bed just staring at him. Hey, you awake.

Speaker 3:

I am now Alright.

Speaker 5:

look here buddy, I want to settle by guns with by guns. We're not just a party. You're a member of my pack, of my clan, so Reinhold.

Speaker 1:

you see him take one of his. Um, when you actually look at his finger, that's when you notice that his claw will nail. The thing is at least five inches thick and he jabs it into his hand and Reinhold takes one damage as he splits open his palm. Cut your hand and shake Ha. Alright, so you take the damage, yeah. I take the damage, alrighty.

Speaker 5:

Eric cuts his hand and Reinhold shakes with yours you are in the bear, you are in bearkin, I will protect you. But in this clan we are more than just companion. We are family, family.

Speaker 1:

Get along and Reinhold gets up off the bed and he goes down to buy food for everybody else. I'll let you take it away, ugh.

Speaker 7:

Well, nova wakes up to Lantern man Eww, happy birthday.

Speaker 1:

Um Lantern man gives her a pat on the head and goes Ah.

Speaker 3:

Nova, you know I've heard rumors that you were captured and taken before for execution.

Speaker 7:

I mean, it wasn't the first time I got captured, but this was the first time Day 6 Hmm.

Speaker 3:

Well look, I've Well look, that must mean you're going to be engaging that little game.

Speaker 1:

Miss Bitty Pants in Deadlands is proposing then right Again. Yes, um, you know, he's talking about the Lich Queen. The task you've been endorsed by oh yeah. Her-her game.

Speaker 3:

Oh, I don't want to give out spoilers, Reinhold, Hmm well, um, let me tell you, through my years, I've been alive because, as you, know, I'm the oldest human in the Dying Lands, I'm actually 5,000 years old.

Speaker 1:

But now, through my travels, I've met some quite peculiar individual creatures, you might say. And well, I met one that actually had a quite peculiar monocle. He just like you, he has the monocle of a sin and I've heard pray till that you are all missing the sin of lust.

Speaker 7:

You know, I am quite happy without a lustful boss.

Speaker 1:

Now, darling, you're a little boring there when you simply think lust simply means that you want to fuck everything. Lust means so much more. Knock in there, nava. I know you have. You're very smart.

Speaker 7:

Oh, I of course I am, but I can't help but tease you a little bit.

Speaker 1:

You are my closest friend, I shall say but yes, darling as you know, I must go for my greatest role in life, and this is when you notice that Lantern man has been putting on a what looks like a Queen's gown, a magnificent, like the wig that Marie Antoinette would wear, and he's been doing up his makeup. And this is when you realize, in amazing glee, that this is the Shadow Queen you're looking at. The Shadow King doesn't know that he's married to Lantern man.

Speaker 7:

That's why he walks with a lump.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, you can say the Shadow King likes to get picked himself. Oh my, I'm such a bitch. But anyway, darling, I have to go back. This is why I always disappear for a while and this is why you were given such a deal. And I love you, darling, and I love your little friend Because, like I said, I've been around for a very long time and each one of those little fun ones, those little sins, they've all had an interaction with me. They just didn't know it was me.

Speaker 7:

Oh you cheeky bitch.

Speaker 1:

Exactly darling. Now I must get back to my greatest role of them all and keep that stupid, simple tin from bothering you all.

Speaker 7:

Ah, okay.

Speaker 1:

I'll be back, darling, and.

Speaker 7:

I always appreciate you.

Speaker 1:

Lantern man gives you a kiss on the forehead, you get a clear lipstick stain on your head and with an amazing amount of sorcery, he disappears in a puff of Eldricks black smoke.

Speaker 7:

Ah, he may be the oldest person, but my God, he acts so young, so I'm gonna head downstairs for food. Well, I see Reinhold.

Speaker 1:

Oh, we will get to you next. I just actually want to get to go to give everyone a wake-ups.

Speaker 7:

Oh yeah, that's fine. Oh no, I apologize, I'm very good.

Speaker 1:

All right, so next person who would like to do their waking up?

Speaker 2:

Uh, I would like to go downstairs wearing the mask.

Speaker 1:

Ooh, you know what, as I said, lantern man has had, elintern has had, and so you would think, because normally that mask is a crime to wear. But everyone, like when you go downstairs at First Polta, everyone's talking, they stop and gasp. Look, you hear a growl come from Reinhold's table, where Nava and Reinhold are sitting, and the everyone immediately silent. And since we'll actually include now for you, nava, because you sat down just as Nava as Polta came in, so, polta, wearing your mask, you see Reinhold and Nava sitting at a large table. Do you join them? Yep, as you sit down, reinhold, just, he doesn't do it like obnoxiously, like getting close, he just sniffs at your general direction.

Speaker 5:

Hmm, hmm, where do you come from? Again, quiet one.

Speaker 2:

She's gonna lift them as Skull, put it to her ear and then just go to the dangerous lands, the undead.

Speaker 5:

Interesting, so that means.

Speaker 1:

So, polta, as a denizen of those lands, you have a certain birthmark. It is obviously the ruin of the old dead. Every denizen of the valley they have it on where, typically the where Stigmata is supposed to appear on a person, but you don't have it on both wrists, you just have it on your left, so you have this same mark, then I suppose yeah.

Speaker 2:

Supposed to have a little flipper wrist and now my name is Bearkin.

Speaker 5:

Most people didn't know the direbearers were capable of speech. They were sentient animals. They were very gentle, very kind and loving if you were respectful of nature. My mother didn't have the name Bearkin. She said she found that on a locket. Given to me that my name is Bearkin. Did my eyes, did my ears lie to me? Was the Lich Queen's true name, bearkin?

Speaker 2:

Uh, it's like Polta doesn't know any other names.

Speaker 1:

Reinholt gets sad for a second.

Speaker 5:

So what I saw was true. You see, I snuck back to the valley when I was very young. I ignored Mother Bear's warnings and I wanted to see where I possibly came from. I saw a woman. I saw her with eleven strangers. They didn't look like anything I've ever seen and I saw her destroy a village. And I remember a little girl, and I remember the one named Bearkin, the one I believe is my mother, the little girl.

Speaker 1:

She fainted and when my mother went to strike, Reinholt opens his tunic and you see a scar go across where his heart is.

Speaker 5:

I took the attack. I lost half my heart, but I'll always remember that woman. She took half her heart and put it in me. So I have half the Lich's heart in me and if you are that little girl, I regret nothing and I do it a thousand times Over.

Speaker 1:

Reinholt just takes a sip from his jargantuan mug of mead.

Speaker 2:

She's just gonna give like a short dodge while she pongers on it, but it says nothing.

Speaker 5:

Now, as I wish to say this to each of us as we join together this morning Fuck these lands, fuck these people. They wanna tell us what we are? Call us a disaster? No, I see proud warriors sitting behind side me. I've never known a female to be able to inspire such fear in their opponents. You have both gained my respect and you are not my companions. You are my clan and I vow. Once we free, are free from this, we are going to conquer these fucking lands and we will be the new kings and if anyone dares question our, we burn them from this fucking land.

Speaker 3:

The bar cheers for you. Stop your m*********. Fuck the Shadow King.

Speaker 7:

Fuck the Shadow King.

Speaker 1:

Because Garganbeck actually has no ruler. They openly oppose the monarch, they openly oppose the Shadow King. So what are you both? Oh, just quick question. Just wanted to ask what do Polta and Nava say to this?

Speaker 7:

Shadow King as a tiny duck.

Speaker 1:

Well, about what Reinhold was saying about his plans.

Speaker 7:

Oh yeah, oh no, I'm agreeing with him.

Speaker 5:

I will be proud to ride beside you.

Speaker 7:

And I'm proud to ride with you as a climate. Yes.

Speaker 1:

And Granite. Yes, it's gross, but this actually has symbolism to Reinhold, because this is what his bare mother would do when they would ride in to ride out to hunt in war against other bear clans. He bites his thumb until a bead of blood comes out and he puts a like a bloody stripe on each, on each one of your guys' left cheek.

Speaker 7:

I'll leave it on.

Speaker 1:

Now, while all this is going on, let's go to the next person who wakes up that morning.

Speaker 6:

Well, I'm already. Technically, I'm already awake.

Speaker 1:

I didn't want to have you just all of a sudden teleport to what were you doing after Reinhold left the room.

Speaker 6:

So Eric gets up, washes his hand oh yeah, huh. Well, eric, seems like you get to run with the pack again. They like to call us natural disasters. Quite fitting, but we all can't be natural disasters. Disasters, yes, but Eric, oh boy, you're something else. So Eric's going to walk down the to the table. Hey guys, why does it smell like coconut oil and bad decisions?

Speaker 7:

Something you'll have to explain, since coming from you.

Speaker 1:

So look, I will tell you right now Nava and Lantern man are more on the lines of like brother and sister. Lantern Man's gay. I didn't know if that was very obvious from.

Speaker 6:

No, I know, I was just trying to.

Speaker 1:

Oh, no, no, no, no. I just wanted to let for the list is. If anyone was wondering, is like no Nava didn't sleep with Lantern.

Speaker 6:

No, no, no I was just making the just making a joke.

Speaker 1:

Oh, never mind, Actually, wait, I'm an idiot. It's because I didn't want to have that being seen. But if Nava is actually OK with it, then we're doing that. Yeah, because I got it not so OK. Nava did sleep with Lantern. Bad that because, Well, Lancer Man's more pansexual than anything. He just gets down with anything, so I'm okay with it. Yeah, this is cool. As long as she's okay with it, I'm fine.

Speaker 7:

Yeah, because I said that last night off of recording.

Speaker 1:

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I just, once again, I don't like to have it be forced.

Speaker 7:

Right, no, no, no, which I really.

Speaker 1:

So okay.

Speaker 7:

I'm still questioning why Eric smells like coconut oil in bad decisions.

Speaker 1:

And Reinhold just looks and goes. What's a bad decision?

Speaker 7:

You know what? That's a fair question. Those fun decisions and then those funny decisions.

Speaker 5:

Anyway, so yes, eric, yes, you are vital for next part of plan. I have plan. You see we must. If we are being forced to fight these strange things, we're going to do it on our terms and I think all of us have ways we like to play. And Reinhold's massive fangs are just showing as he lets out a monstrous smile and you see, I believe we are in the midst of a very intelligent planner which I've rarely ever had. He looks to Nava Nava.

Speaker 7:

Yes.

Speaker 5:

You now. You have been to these cities, correct?

Speaker 7:

I have many times.

Speaker 5:

Would you think it would be best to either go in as group or as two groups flanking into a slaswig?

Speaker 7:

As long as no one makes any stupid decisions, it'll be better to split off into two groups. That way we can cover more ground.

Speaker 5:

Okay, yes, this is why we need other strong individuals. Who is prone? Who is good for battle? Eric will lead one party.

Speaker 2:

I will lead the other.

Speaker 5:

We will. That way, whoever encounters enemy, first we can engage and then let off signal for other members.

Speaker 6:

Back down, a guy who's prone, who thinks that he can take over place, and they call us disasters.

Speaker 8:

With making mention of no stupid decisions, Eggsy comes sauntering over, clearly having snuck out of the kitchen after absconding with snacks.

Speaker 3:

Eggy Cookies. God damn it Eggy.

Speaker 7:

I'm going in the visual way in the back, who has no idea what's going on?

Speaker 6:

Hey, if you're looking for the guy that stole your stuff, he's in the back to the left. You can't miss him.

Speaker 3:

Hey.

Speaker 6:

I didn't do any.

Speaker 3:

Oh, I'll show you this theater from the kitchen.

Speaker 1:

And you just see this little gnome looking guy getting dragged off.

Speaker 3:

No, I'll have my revenge.

Speaker 5:

And so, yes, other crucial member who Cookie?

Speaker 7:

I gave Eggy a nod.

Speaker 8:

Eggy hands over a cookie without hesitation.

Speaker 6:

Uh guys, I hate to be the big bear. I hate to know a fancy big eye, but I hate to be the bear in this situation. But ain't we missing somebody?

Speaker 5:

Yeah, we wait for fancy pants, man. As I have known in past and from watching those royal hunting parties, those people are lazy and they get to fuck up really late and they are kind of annoying.

Speaker 6:

Yeah, go get him.

Speaker 8:

Eggy's not tingling me outside.

Speaker 7:

That was just gonna finish breakfast. Well, the other two find the other two.

Speaker 1:

So this is when we flash to like outside and we see like a large pig trough and we see like a bunch of pigs and then we see tingle in the middle just eating with the pigs and the pig trough like lifts his head. Hey did you, hey did you hey, did you hey?

Speaker 1:

did you? Hey, did you, hey, did you, hey, did you, hey, did you? Hey, I have to ask. Oh, I just have to ask real quick. I wanted to just ask. Um, argrics, you were obviously given the most lavish room in this, which is the inn owners room and the inn owner. The entire time is just like get out of my room.

Speaker 4:

I will leave whenever I'm done shaving my royal ass.

Speaker 6:

Yeah, eric's gonna just come up by the door see the hotel owner. Let me guess he's in there.

Speaker 4:

I'm in the middle of trying to finish shaving my ass.

Speaker 1:

Give him a minute. Look, it looks like he has a werewolf in a leg lock back there. I mean I have never seen an ass that hairy in my life.

Speaker 6:

I've seen worse. That's attacking.

Speaker 4:

His ass froze like trying to like fight his hand and force back the razor.

Speaker 1:

Give me a. Give me a DR 14 toughness roll.

Speaker 4:

Where did my stuff go? Not this shit again, and I've learned my lesson to use real nice for this.

Speaker 1:

Okay, you said a DR five, oh, no, it's a DR 14 difficulty roll, so you're going to use a D 20. Okay, you're going to add your toughness. I got a two. Oh well, here's, oh no, here's the thing that.

Speaker 8:

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm going to hit him with an omen and he's going to. He's going to yell out I've seen something like this before. You have to talk to it nicely.

Speaker 4:

Reroll stylus 15 through two cookies for you, if I could.

Speaker 1:

That's on already so so fear for source of, will your ass hairs come under control and you're able to shave that savage main? Those cheeks are so perfectly smooth smooth as a baby's behind and even the hotel owner is impressed and just gives, like the left ass cheek, just a slap, that's what I call a clean ass.

Speaker 4:

Anyway, no, if only I can get my back that way. Oh, we ain't going through that. Get out. So I'm going to like quickly, just um with the owners towel I just finished wiping down my ass and just grab my stuff, start walking out humming.

Speaker 1:

That is the most nastiest hair covered shaving cream riddle towel ever and the hotel owner is just I'm just going to burn that Did.

Speaker 4:

I say towel, I meant as blanket you, son of a bitch. Ten thousand thread count, ten thousand. I don't look like I even see you.

Speaker 1:

That's the thread, just jibbled with hair.

Speaker 6:

There's bad news going on and he goes wow, I thought I had issues when it was bath time, when I was a cop, now my royal balls match my royal ass.

Speaker 4:

Hang on, I would try ass nuts.

Speaker 1:

Reinhold is like looking at the table, hearing all this and he just goes what's a bath?

Speaker 6:

Eric kind of leads over and just whispers what a bath is to.

Speaker 1:

Reinhold, he does like fucking Scooby-Doo and he jumps into and he just like locks. You know, I like Scooby-Doo. He does like a fucking cat and jumps up onto one of the fucking cabinets before it crushes underneath his girth.

Speaker 5:

Try to put me in that shit. I'll fucking kill you.

Speaker 7:

Oh, it can be very relaxed this way.

Speaker 6:

Trust me, big guy, I don't like it as much as the next guy. Oh.

Speaker 4:

Reinhard, there you are, my ambiguous friend. I have a gift for you. Oh god, I handle a beautifully carved little bare head necklace. I made it through the remnants of the club that I used to beat that often on the street.

Speaker 1:

I know this touch and then, at the same time, horrendously traumatized, at the same moment, just when he hears Orphan, just hello darkness.

Speaker 4:

My old friend, this is a hundred communism. Surely they are evil, an anatomy to democracy.

Speaker 8:

Orphan clubs are supposed to be really lucky. At least that's what the guys that used to beat me with them told me.

Speaker 6:

No, no, we are not dealing with you. We got a 20 minute tirade again about this democracy stuff.

Speaker 5:

Uh, actually, um, here's the thing that's actually part of the plan, because I'm going to have Fancy man go off with you, Eric, and if you encounter this goonter, I need Fancy man to go into the most elaborate spree about whatever the hell this democracy shit is.

Speaker 4:

I vote for this plan. Excellent Wait wait, wait.

Speaker 6:

So the plan is we split up, we try to find this new dude, and our guy over here is Andrex Van Black the Thund. I will call you whatever I want at this point.

Speaker 1:

So while everyone is saying this and we are peacefully talking, tingle had, like, finished eating at the pig trough, wiped his mouth, went over to the doghouse he had been in, pulled out his gesture uniform, we put it on and was doing a little jig and then he saw a butterfly right and he started chasing. And you see, here's the thing, tingle's really fucking fast and before he knew it he'd gotten quite a distance from Galganbeck. And as he was going he noticed. Well, it made him stop in his tracks, because the only thing I can say is it's a goddamn chicken wearing a really nice looking like tuxedo top in a red bow tie and see, this is a silky chicken. So his little poof has been done into a pompadour.

Speaker 1:

And at first Tingle's just oh, a chicken, I can use this for one of my joke acts. Yeah, we can do a lot of that wide chicken cuesta. And as he goes, the chicken just looks and goes. Ha, ha, ha, please. There's no way I would ever lower myself to be used for one of your simple acts. Tingle stops and goes. Did that chicken just talk? The chicken looks back at him and goes, bawk, bawk, and just starts to walk right away really quick and Tingle goes, come back. We are talking chicken and he starts chasing after the chicken. Flash back to the group in the bar in the inn. Go ahead, eric, you can keep going. Please continue.

Speaker 6:

Okay, so once we find this dude, are we gonna take him back to Undertaker or are we just gonna, you know, off him, kind of?

Speaker 5:

Allow me to speak as well. We need war funds, we need a war chest. I vote. We try to take him alive, and nothing says being alive doesn't mean we can't cut his fucking limbs off.

Speaker 6:

I suck at this you know, you know, run hard, you're all right. I may be big but I'm not that dumb. But what if we were to say, tie him up to, you know, one of our spare wagon wheels? I mean, we could always listen to his bones snap, crackle and pop.

Speaker 5:

Either way, as long as he suffers.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, sounds like a span.

Speaker 5:

As long as he suffers. But yes, we vote. We will return him to the Undertaker and I am more than sure he will suffer through the last of his days. But yes, I believe we have a good plan in place. Let's get our supplies together, Go get the funny man and head out.

Speaker 6:

Yeah, speaking of funny man, where the hell is he?

Speaker 4:

I just want to notate that part of how Tangle travels when he's by himself is he can swing tree to tree with his dick like a, like a whip, like Indiana Jones, damn it.

Speaker 7:

Well, I guess we'll be looking for two people.

Speaker 5:

Wait, he's funny man not here.

Speaker 7:

I look outside the window and I see the dog boxes empty. Well, I guess not. Either something happened to him or he got sick of all the bullshit. Either way, we should probably drag his ass back.

Speaker 1:

So allow me to do a DR 12 presence roll for Reinhold quick and Reinhold passes because I rolled a 13. He goes to the where the doghouse was and takes a deep with inside of it and then he stands up breathing like really deep Navar, you get like pulled in a little bit from how hard he's breathing in with his nose and he stops and then he goes. Got a sense heading towards less week.

Speaker 7:

Well, in that case I'm gonna if Reinhold is okay with it, I'm gonna jump on his shoulder and say well, let's go.

Speaker 5:

Yes, we sure we go.

Speaker 6:

Well, better start sharpening up my claws, alrighty?

Speaker 1:

guys. So what we're going into now is, instead of doing the we're going now. I want you to Reinhold I actually actually did our first success that we need it. We only need two more now on to successfully get this less week without an encounter. Someone like, think of like a skill like that works towards your character. That will help us in following the correct tracks and everything and successfully getting the tinkle.

Speaker 4:

Cause I'm like a chip and planted into his neck, but that broke when he fell on in a long time ago, you see that that right there is not democratic there bud. You took a vote and there was two yeses and half a no mark about the other half.

Speaker 4:

Well, that person was literally cut in half. So half of them said yes, the other said no. So actually that's two and a half yeses, half a no. The yeas have it. That's anyway. If we smell we can probably track, tingle down with washed up full and kibbles and bets. What for the tracking?

Speaker 7:

Cause it's a favorite gesture. Ryan hold is going, I can look to see what kind of print.

Speaker 1:

So you know what I'm going to give you a DR12 presence. Roll Nova and you meet it, cause you have a plus two in your presence. You rolled a 10. So you succeed. That's another success. Where we're about, we're getting close and that's when we know you, as you're noticing this is the reason why I say this is a challenge is that we're actually no longer on the actual beaten path of the road towards less week. We're going off towards the woods like bordering less week. We need one more success. Does anyone have any suggestions of like a something they could do with their character to help us get there?

Speaker 2:

I can actually.

Speaker 1:

All right, what laid on us?

Speaker 2:

Get. I'm just going to use master of faith again. So I just need to make a DR8 presence test Nice and I got an 18.

Speaker 1:

This is goes so perfect. The way it works is like literally like a illuminated path. It would kind of remind. It would remind you at first of like the path lighting up from dead space. But the way you see it is, it's like a little ethereal images of how tingle was going following behind the chicken. And that's when, in horror, everyone notices that. Well, not horror, just like really. He started just doing like backflips and tumbling summer salts as he's just going along following behind the chicken. And one point you see, he just like started twerking in multiple different direction, stops, twerks summer salts, backflips, runs a little summer salt, stands on his head, walks on his hands and boom, there you are. You find tingle like behind a bush, and you guys are not at the, where the main gate of Schleswig is, your near what looks like shit, something put a fucking nice ass size hole in the side of the wall of the, of the actual city, and tingles just behind a bush looking at it. Yeah, oh God, okay buddy.

Speaker 7:

Is it because we found you?

Speaker 3:

Yes.

Speaker 7:

Oh, I put them on the hood.

Speaker 1:

My great Lord, I wasn't trying to escape from you, I swear.

Speaker 4:

That's what they all say. You're just lucky I, like you, I've had a one the head gently.

Speaker 3:

My Lord, I saw something quite interesting.

Speaker 1:

Why did the chicken enter the hole?

Speaker 4:

So the incest, how Billy can have way with it.

Speaker 1:

No to mess with the weird creepy guy in the weird scary mask and he does like a back flip, lands on his left hand and honks a horn, hong Kong.

Speaker 4:

Oh, how delightful, here have a cookie.

Speaker 7:

Sorry, you said something about a real creepy man.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, a weird creepy guy and like a weird bird mask.

Speaker 7:

And where exactly did.

Speaker 1:

I saw him chasing after this weird like chicken wearing a tuxedo and I swear guy everyone. It's just a joke. He was talking.

Speaker 7:

Oh, I need to play in the direction tingle.

Speaker 1:

Okay, well, he needs to be pretty careful, because when I saw this strange, creepy man, he was talking to other people and pointing in two directions. Now, what was odd was because one of them was holding his throat and it looked like seawater was gushing from his closed mouth and he was choking and I really couldn't believe my eyes.

Speaker 7:

Yeah, would you say he was choking the chicken.

Speaker 1:

And so, and then the other one. Just well, that one was a girl, that the one that was choking and the guy he was pointing in directions for the two to patrol. So I think we need to be on our toes.

Speaker 6:

So he's got a patrol looking out for making sure that he doesn't get swallowed. Hmm, hmm, it seems that I'm actually I pray isn't exactly dumb as it would look.

Speaker 4:

Oh, how do you know that tingle? He graduated the highest grade anyone besides me has completed in our village. He graduated second grade genius.

Speaker 6:

Oh, I thought that. I thought the only highest school that you all got was kindergarten. Goddamn it.

Speaker 1:

Now, with an intense scream, you guys here coming from the hole in the wall. You see what looks like it first, just your typical town. Like some town. Citizen is running out of the hole. He's got like cuts and everything all around him.

Speaker 2:

Oh, oh.

Speaker 3:

God oh God, please let me get to the water to the.

Speaker 1:

And then that's when you notice in horror that it wasn't cuts on his skin. His flush is actually melting. His left leg is completely just melted. He's just a torso crawling almost to your guys. Is Bush? Just down to one arm.

Speaker 7:

Oh, that's a waste of good meat.

Speaker 1:

Oh, down to just his clothes and a puddle of blood and viscousness. And that's when you smell it, eric Ryan. Hold both of you. Because of your very strong senses of smell, you know that is acid that man was drenched in. But what for the life of you? You cannot realize why the fuck did it. How did it take that long for him to melt what there's time? Activated acid, what? And who would like to give me a presence role? Anybody?

Speaker 8:

else.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, this is an easy one. It's only a d? R 8. So Nova passes with an 11. I'm going to wait for the other two first, though, 22. Oh, you wave.

Speaker 8:

Only seven.

Speaker 1:

Maybe for you the failure is actually not that you don't notice what Nova and Poltar are noticing, you notice something else. So let me do Nova and Polter first. At the top of the city wall, finally, you see, sitting on the edge is this elusive man wearing a. It's not really a bird, it's like kind of like pterodactyl dinosaur, ish strange. It's just bizarre style of mask with the ends with the point and he's got these weird pipes going all around him and his think it's leather and it's just a deep purple.

Speaker 3:

Oh, it's a lovely day for an arse at Bath, Don't you? Oh, I know you know that one right there. I might not be able to meet matches numbers, but I think I'll finally be the top killer in the dying rounds. Oh, what do you think losses? Would you like to have an arse at Bath today?

Speaker 7:

I think I would like to have your eyeballs today.

Speaker 8:

Eric, I'm believing Bath.

Speaker 6:

That's substrate what? The only thing that's going to be dying today is you, after I tear you to ribbons.

Speaker 7:

I know you said something, oh, no, I said I don't believe in Bath.

Speaker 1:

He says this but he's not looking up. Because, for you, you're starting to walk away a little bit from the group, because that's when you notice you've gone into the hole. Finally, because you see that chicken Holy shit, you see that chicken. And he was the only one to hear.

Speaker 3:

Well, aren't you dirty one? Hey, how about you help me with that brute buddy?

Speaker 1:

I could use the skills of one like you. Come on.

Speaker 2:

I'll suck it up.

Speaker 1:

I'm sorry, I'm actually both the first.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, she was going to butt into that conversation about acid bath. He was like mother has the biggest kill count, none could pass her.

Speaker 1:

Oh, hold on, I actually have to Okay it. Whoo. He remains calm, just from his claws that are digging into the side of the of the actual wall. You see like a liquid leaking from his claws, just in the cl in the wall starting to melt crumble.

Speaker 3:

I'll show you as the real kill counselor's one, your mother. She was nothing to me, she fell to the twins. Remember that one. Yes, I remember you.

Speaker 1:

I was just as a joke, as your mother was, and he does a back flip off the wall. The challenge is at foot Alrighty. So here's my big question because I'm still gonna go off of the off of these, these roles for noticing Gunter Nava. You also noticed the chicken, Polta. You noticed the chicken. Do you follow behind Egerton or are you going to follow where you know Gunter was going? I?

Speaker 2:

want that mask. I'm gonna follow after Gunter.

Speaker 1:

Okay, boom Boom. Everything slows down in time and this is how it works in splitting up. Egerton follows after this mysterious chicken. Polta and Nava are running in the direction towards Gunter. Reinhold looks at Eric and Reinhold points after Nava and Polta and he said and he just signals that he's going after them. He points at Eric to follow behind Eg and Reinhold takes off behind Nava and Polta. Boom Boom. And then, last but not least, if there was a camera zoom in, it is on Argrics' face as Tingle. Just he's literally shaking in fear, quaking and he goes. What are we gonna do, boss Argrics? Which direction to run off.

Speaker 4:

Okay, so I'm gonna. I need the flip for it, right? So I'm gonna grab Tingle. I'm gonna throw him on the air and see if he lands on his ass or his head flipping. I actually got a coin toss hat. I decided what I want. When I go places to eat, the fool lands on his head. Shit. I forgot to say which direction I was gonna go, man, I gotta do it again now. Okay heads is, I'll follow. I'll follow Reinhold Tails. I'll go the other way. Ready, okay heads.

Speaker 1:

Alrighty Boom, this is how we do it. First, we're gonna go to Nava and Polta. You know what I'm going to say. Nava's in the lead. Nava, I need to see how much health you have. Real quick, nothing bad, nothing bad, I promise. Oh, yeah, you have three, something real quick. And one last thing. Alright, nava, you're running, you're running, and then from the top of one of the houses, coming down with a mighty swing of a left arm of a zombie, is Adam Slavic. Reinhold comes running behind you, hits you in the back and he takes another damage. And so Reinhold is now at 7, is now at 6 HP out of 8.

Speaker 3:

So you're the big boy that the boss was telling me about. I was trying to hit the girl there, think you're a hero there.

Speaker 5:

No, I'm not a fucking hero.

Speaker 1:

I'm a goddamn fucking monster and oh boy, Reinhold goes for a fucking bite, as he just says. You talk too much.

Speaker 5:

The only thing your mouth should be doing in battle is this as he goes to bite at bite at him.

Speaker 1:

And let me pull up Reinhold's sheet real quick. Are you kidding me? I do D6 damage with my bite and Adam Slavic and he actually, because his armor is only a burlap sack. So our attacks get a, attacks actually get a plus three on him because he has minus. He has negative D2, negative one. So with a mighty bite from Reinhold he digs into Adam Slavic's neck and takes a chunk from well more onto his shoulder and bites a chunk out of his left shoulder and his collarbone and Adam Slavic is the equivalent of bloody as he's backing away.

Speaker 7:

Navva Pulta.

Speaker 1:

Oh wait, hold on real quick, because I just want to pull that up. Are you sure you want to use that one, or do you want to use a different spell? Because that's it will tell you forbidden plot. I'll tell you plot points because let's pull up something real quick.

Speaker 7:

Well, how does the black room magic walk you? You draw it in the ground, Okay.

Speaker 1:

And when you draw the room, navva will actually use some of her blood to put in the room and it turns into a black and your eyes will glow and you will speak to shove Nicaroth Okay. And she will reveal a few plot points, crucial details Now. They could be either about right now or something way later. It all depends.

Speaker 7:

Well, in that case, I'm going to pull off on that, but you do have a Nocian speech.

Speaker 1:

You can have him obey one single command, any command. Okay, that is a DR14 roll, presence roll. I'm going to let you use an Omen to reroll that. You rolled a four and you rolled a 14 and with your plus two there's a 16. Take it away.

Speaker 7:

Well, look at our mass bath store and I'm going to say, hey, sweetheart oh no, this was for Adam Slavik. I'm Slavik.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because he's the one that's in front of you right now. Gunter is way ahead.

Speaker 7:

Well, that case, I'm going to tell him to rip his leg off.

Speaker 1:

He looks you in the eye and upon doing this, he's going to take a D10 damage and he dies bleeding the death. Really, paint it. What you do when you tell him to do it, paint it away.

Speaker 7:

Oh, I was going to the ear of the ear, Like you really gonna throw acid on me.

Speaker 1:

Like Nava, your eyes light up, belt out this command at Adam Slavik. And he just goes, yes, my lord. And he grabs his left leg and, with a strength unknown to him, literally rips it from the socket and, standing there and saluting you, he lets just blood pours from the empty left socket and he falls dead.

Speaker 7:

Now we have rush.

Speaker 1:

Reinhold, just he. He bites his bottom lip, just resisting the urge. Just just dig into that meal right now as he continues to chase after Gunter. I honestly thought it would take a little longer. We're going to flash now to eggy, following after this chicken and Eric chasing behind eggy. Eric, how much health you have? Nine, alrighty, give me one Hold on one second. Give me a difficult. Give me a agility roll. 13. Because here's the fun thing about when you're getting attacked in Morkborg when the enemy attacks, you get the option of defense. If you can beat their attack roll, you defend against and you can either take half or even no damage at all.

Speaker 6:

With my 16, I got a 13 on the dice, but with the 16, I think that's more than enough.

Speaker 1:

Excuse me, alright, excellent, alright, you are going to be able to, just you. You have made it to where you're not going to take. So, and how much is your armor?

Speaker 6:

It's just regular, it's just so tier one.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's just tier one. Alright, because I was already going to say this would have just been half damage, so I round down, so I don't round up, for when taking the half damage? So she rolled a five, that's two. So you're going to take no damage. The blade, her blade, literally, just like you pull off a amazing party with just your damn, with just your aunt, with just the leather gauntlet, just pop, and standing before you is this emmergole Ermingle. You know what, eric and Egerton, because of your guys' backgrounds, I will let you know right now. You both know she has. She is overwhelmingly greedy. Wherever the coin is, that's where her allegiance is. Oh and Mary, gold. I don't get paid enough for this. I really don't want to deal with you, eric, and oh, hey, iggy.

Speaker 6:

Oh, so you get to hi, iggy, but with me you don't want to deal with Well all he does.

Speaker 1:

Hey look, I'm going to be honest with you. All he does, he is harmless. I wish he'd accept the damn job as the guild, as the thief guild leader already, but he just borrows thing. You, on the other hand, you are a walking disaster. And how many people have you ended?

Speaker 6:

up killing. Oh tons, my dear. But you didn't mind it when you were flirting with me a little couple of times back.

Speaker 1:

She just like she just does, like the finger in her mouth just, but then also she's like whatever makes it easier to tolerate working with you and eggy. Seriously, the thieves guild has been, has been wondering when are the hell are you going to take your damn job seriously?

Speaker 8:

Eggy will consider it. He has to borrow the time. I don't mean that to be joking either. I need to steal time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love it. And so, sis, so Ermingo, she like reluctantly, like holding her sword, then she puts it down, stabs it in the ground and goes look, I'm in really in no mood here. This guy, this gunter guy, he's a total creep and I don't like what that. You know, the mercenary guild they make us do do any kinds of. They go the challenges where the gold, where the recording is getting that, Mary, I'm getting that. If you give me, if you give me 20 silver, I'll walk away.

Speaker 6:

I got a better deal for you, mary, if you're willing to listen to a little bit of this old wolf's tale.

Speaker 1:

Oh God, Alright, I'll humor you.

Speaker 6:

I will give you 40. You help us kill or take in that asshole that you, that all of us really, really fucking hate.

Speaker 1:

No problem, I got no problem taking your silver, but I can't join in on this fight.

Speaker 1:

The you know, honestly it's not for me to. It's not, and the problem is that it's not even for me. I wouldn't even be pocketing the silver. This is for me to take back and report back to the mercenary guild to show that I did my job in an assistant gunter. It was the whole thing of half now, half thereafter, the other half after the job is done. So this way I would be pretending like I did my job. But if all of a sudden I show back up and I present 40 silver and I say, oh, I betrayed. I betrayed our first mark, our first hire, I'm going to be in a lot of trouble. So 20 silver.

Speaker 6:

let's go, Then what?

Speaker 1:

I'll. I'll leave on out of here and if I see Adam along the way I'll tell him the contract's done. But I have a feeling that I saw that not only did I see the poult um poult and Nava running that direction, but I believe I saw Reinhold. So I believe Adam's already dead. So this is definitely not worth my time being. What do you think, iggy?

Speaker 8:

I've already counted out 20 silver.

Speaker 6:

It appears we have ourselves a deal, Mary.

Speaker 1:

Pleasure doing business with you boys.

Speaker 6:

Oh, and Mary, be careful going back. We wouldn't want to lose. We wouldn't want to lose more beautiful flowers in the forest now, would we?

Speaker 8:

What are the odds? I can borrow that silver back out of her pocket when she turns around.

Speaker 1:

Give me hold on. Just go right, iggy, give me a DR. This is a difficulty roll of four. Wait, I forget this. You don't even have to do that because you put the blindfold on and yeah.

Speaker 8:

Well, I guess I could not roll it.

Speaker 1:

Well, I was going to say, because either than that it was just going to be a DR four agility roll because this is very easy for you.

Speaker 8:

Oh well then, so do you want me to roll the DR four?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, go ahead, do it, do it.

Speaker 8:

Uh 13. What do you? I'd like to take it and place a note saying uh, when I get finished with all my tasks for mom, I'll consider coming back to lead the guild.

Speaker 1:

You know what? That's fucking badass. I like that. Yes, Alrighty excellent.

Speaker 8:

And it's like an IOU that says, uh, you know, Borrowed 20 Silver. I love that.

Speaker 1:

Nice, I love it. And so, and just to let the listeners know, this is actually all in this hired goons description is that during a fight she has no allegiance to anyone, just coined. So if you offer her money, that's her show, that's her weakness, she'll just leave. And um, eagerton and Eric kind of avoided a really hard fight because she has tier three, she has tier three armor, so all damage it immediately. So damage up to D four. Damage is negated for.

Speaker 8:

Eiki has a double barrel shotgun, so I don't think he can.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, very true. Oh yeah, very true, but still it. Oh boy, but with this, as she leaves, um, Eric, next to you, you just hear a, and I thought I was supposed to be the one that was less.

Speaker 6:

All right, who's out, who's also out there.

Speaker 3:

I'm down here, boy.

Speaker 1:

You look down, you see a rooster, a silky rooster, wearing a black tuxedo, red bow tie and his little poof ball has been taken and the little poof ball has been done into a pompadour.

Speaker 3:

Hello there, my. My name is Prometheus.

Speaker 1:

Peca and the chicken does. Uh, the rooster does a little bow towards you guys.

Speaker 6:

You're a weird one.

Speaker 1:

And you called yourself the black wolf. Yet you have no canine as features to you.

Speaker 3:

I believe that is what we call appropriation. I could cancel you.

Speaker 6:

Oh, you want to see me turn into that? Trust me, I'd have you spit roasted and start chewing on your own spot. You even said balk, balk.

Speaker 8:

He would probably be better fried.

Speaker 1:

You, you two are simply hilarious as he, with a flap of his wings, he like, lifts up above you, is like now to your other side, behind you, guys, you're simply hot, but no my skills go beyond simply that of the cuisine. I do believe I was I have been told I was given the moniker of lust. I do believe I'm in the presence of the one who is, who has been called the wrath and the one for envy. Am I correct?

Speaker 8:

If he's lust, I don't think you want to eat him afterwards.

Speaker 6:

He probably has something to do with the man of the poor.

Speaker 1:

My good boy. And then this is when you notice now, like when he does his wing, his wing kind of, he's able to fold it in the shape of like a hand and you see Eldritch energies crackling as like a little poof teleport, and then he's on your shoulder. If you're simply thinking, lust only means the perverted.

Speaker 3:

I'm going to blow your fucking mind. You see, my good boy, what I lost after isn't just the clowic. I lost four to expand my mind with all knowledge in the known universe. I lost after to elevate the fowl to our true status on in the dying land.

Speaker 8:

Hey, you didn't know, chickens could blow.

Speaker 6:

Yeah, yeah, hey, do you got any birdseed so we could get this thing off me?

Speaker 4:

He's fat down.

Speaker 6:

I kind of don't like it.

Speaker 1:

He flaps down and he just goes. You know, I guess I have to have the chance to prove myself now and I don't mean against you too, I meant against the citizen that you have come here to save this, these people from.

Speaker 6:

If I was you, I'd start talking chicken. You're starting to make me really, really hungry and I get really angry when I get really, really hungry.

Speaker 8:

He literally hasn't stopped talking.

Speaker 1:

So Prometheus flaps up and he lands on Eggy's shoulder. You seem the more sensible to. Yes, so you're here to fight against Mr Gunther? Well, I've been here just making his life a little more a living hell before you, before all of you showed up.

Speaker 8:

I don't know about that, but I've definitely been called sensitive before. They said I cry too much.

Speaker 6:

Oh you're stupid. Sorry for the wrong with a good cry.

Speaker 1:

Prometheus does like a little, just adorable, because you know how big silky chicken, silky chickens are be.

Speaker 8:

Oh, I'm aware.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, just imagine that giving Eggy a little hug on the side of his head. You're a special one. I like you know how about, along the way, I teach you a seat.

Speaker 8:

What's? What's a sea shanty?

Speaker 6:

Well, have you indulged him? It's basically songs that put the sailor, that keep the sailors working and not make them bored.

Speaker 8:

I'm sure the chickens explanation would have been better. That's a human sea shanty. He's a chicken.

Speaker 1:

He does a little bow and goes thank you, and actually you are just talking about the mere rumors, the mere just what happens when a non magical crew of sailors get together.

Speaker 3:

But I imagine for gentlemen like yourselves, you would be able to bring out the true power of a sea shanty. For have you heard how words have power?

Speaker 8:

I've heard that somewhere.

Speaker 1:

So I'm going to teach you one, because this is what. So the city? There's a lot of buildings on fire, it's mayhem, people are burning alive. And do you join with Prometheus and singing fire down below?

Speaker 4:

Sure.

Speaker 6:

Why not?

Speaker 1:

Every group needs a base, so as all three of you joined together in chanting fire, to see shanty fire down below. A wind blows up, building, building and building, until whoosh, all the flames in front of you are extinguished and all the buildings start to repair themselves from the damage. And that's when Prometheus, with a cocked eye, with a, with a little cocked eyebrow, looks at you. Egerton goes, see. Words have power.

Speaker 8:

Egerton.

Speaker 1:

Sorry. You see, egerton, where it's of power.

Speaker 8:

Oh no, I was just trying to say my name, it didn't do anything.

Speaker 3:

But yes, it's.

Speaker 1:

That is one of the one of the sea shanties I have learned in my travels. I've been all around the dying land, across the vast sea, so I was quite lucky to learn a sea shanty. There are actually 12 Holy Sea shanty and if we're lucky maybe I could find some friends for us and we could all learn some more. I have my uses.

Speaker 8:

Hold on. I got to ask quick pause here. Is he rock a doodle do?

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 8:

Oh, my God.

Speaker 1:

You are probably the only one that I didn't think anyone would get this.

Speaker 8:

Rock a doodle. The fact that he knows songs is what I started to get it. I was like, wait a minute. This is suspicious.

Speaker 4:

Ah, hahahaha, ah, ah, that's how it's played.

Speaker 8:

So I was just like in what, in what world would the chicken be? The one that knows sea shanties? I thought we were avoiding it. It just occurred to me I was like why would a chicken sing? And then I started thinking about that movie and I was like no fucking way he did Rock a Doodle Do.

Speaker 1:

Cause I was actually talking about this earlier with Sam. That's how I got the inspiration for this. It's just, instead of a large anthropomorphic chicken, it's an actual, real chicken and oh and I would actually like to read this for the listeners Would you like to know what his special ability is if he is actually killed?

Speaker 8:

Go on.

Speaker 1:

If Prometheus actually falls in battle, a hundred spectral chickens will assault the person who killed him and rip his soul from his body.

Speaker 6:

Oh fuck. So it's a fucking cuckoo.

Speaker 8:

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We can't, we can't say that, that's uh that's owned by the big N. So this is just a legendary.

Speaker 1:

That's why it literally. That's why it literally says in the book spectral chickens and they ripped the soul from the body. We want to be as far away. This is not a cuckoo. This is a regular soki chicken.

Speaker 8:

Yup, this is a very metal cuckoo, simply a legendary chicken.

Speaker 1:

Just a very legendary chicken, but that happens to seeing rock and songs, but it's so much fun. So now, this is at this moment, nava, reinhold, argorix and Polta. A big gush of wind pushes behind you guys and you see all the buildings. Fires go out and the buildings start to repair. Wait, what the hell?

Speaker 5:

What the fuck? It's someone singing one of those songs that you hear on the things that glide on the water my old chuck.

Speaker 1:

And that's when Tingle chimes in and goes ah, someone sang a C shanty. What you didn't think, a jester served as a pirate in the past.

Speaker 7:

Well, you really talk about yourself, sweetheart.

Speaker 3:

Well, I'm going to tell you right now Tingle gets down.

Speaker 1:

I've had many adventures.

Speaker 7:

You look like a fun guy.

Speaker 1:

Now he's doing once again. He's done a backflip, landed in a handstand and he hawks his horn with his two feet in between the heels of his feet, hong Kong.

Speaker 7:

I'm going to clap my hands politely.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, Bambida.

Speaker 3:

Thank you, dada, I'm so grown up though Gunter.

Speaker 1:

Um, he was running, but when everything started to happen, he stops in his tracks and he turns.

Speaker 3:

Who dares interrupt my game? This is my game, this is my city.

Speaker 7:

Well, you kind of suck at it. I'm going to shoot and then I roll out his ankles.

Speaker 1:

Oh, oh, let me pull up Gunter's sheet real quick. Very nice, you actually hit, you rolled a 10. You beat his. You definitely beat his health. Let me check how much damage the um 58. So let's give that a roll and his robes do a minus two. So Gunter goes.

Speaker 3:

God damn it. I took an arrow to the knee.

Speaker 7:

Well, I got a couple of nails dipped shit, ew, it's a shit, oh shit. Another arrow out of his kneecaps.

Speaker 1:

And as you are cocking back your arrow, I'm going to roll initiative for us. And this is where, in Morkborg, I think, combat really hit. It is really good Cause now in Morkborg for initiative it's just a D6 roll. Every round I rolled a four, so by according to that, that means PCs actually go first. If you roll a one to three, the enemy goes first. A four to six, pcs go first. Nova, you were actually the first to act, so I'm going to let you go for another bolt. Fire, fire your bolt, shoot another bolt at him.

Speaker 7:

I'm going for the news.

Speaker 1:

Oh you roll, you got another hit. You only do one damage, though it just like grazes his leg, as he's still just trying to pull that one. He's trying to pull that one from his knee.

Speaker 3:

Oh you, little shit, you're the first to get nasty bath.

Speaker 7:

Oh, have fun with that, have fun.

Speaker 3:

And I'll make sure to drink your juices.

Speaker 1:

Who wants to go for a next hit?

Speaker 4:

Me, I'll go Go ahead Kat.

Speaker 2:

Oh no, actually you go hit first.

Speaker 1:

Griggs, you want to go? What would?

Speaker 4:

you like to do Griggs? So I would like to start preaching about democracy Now. He should abandon his fully ways and join us before we break his knees.

Speaker 7:

I quit nails with cloth.

Speaker 4:

Sorry, you cut out. What'd you say?

Speaker 1:

Oh, oh, oh. Nova stuffs her ears with cloth to drown out the horrifying speech that's about to happen. What is your hope for this?

Speaker 4:

That he would see that there are other ways in violence. Like voting to commit violence. And I remember saying that the Shadow King is a dick and Dr Stanton's a dick and he's better off with us.

Speaker 1:

That was going to be. That was a DR 16. Difficulty roll of 16. He rolled an 11.

Speaker 3:

He Gunther looks at you and goes you think my loyalty lies to the Shadow King. No, it lies to my great mistress. It lies to Morgana Bear, and she's a lot prettier than you.

Speaker 1:

Impossible. That's when I'm going to roll a difficulty roll of 14 agility for Reinhold, real quick, nope, great. It's not a bad fail. He's not able to do his teleport behind you, he's just able to get within swinging distance of Gunther and he's going to reel back for a good old fashioned swing. And he missed, he swung and missed. And that's when a gleam in his eyes Gunther looks at Reinhold and goes oh, I was hoping he'd be stupid enough to get close to me.

Speaker 3:

Come on, big boy.

Speaker 1:

And that's with these black spectral claws, reinhold. Oh joy, that's a fumble on from Gunther, roll the one. And with this I'm going to let Reinhold have a free swing, because this is that moment when Gunther and all of his confidence went for like a big uppercut, hoping that he was going to disembowel Reinhold. But Reinhold had basically pulled an EPO and did the dodge the last second. And now he's got that glow in his eyes. Reinhold reels back, oh, and he hits. He rolled a 16. Oh no, I was hoping we would all be farther away when this happens. Sorry, guys, the only one that's not going to have to have this will. Only two that won't have this happen to happen is um, polta and Argrics. But wait, no, it's just Reinhold. I'm the only one that's fucked. So, um, reinhold, that's doing a Jollibee roll, difficulty roll of 14. Nat 20.

Speaker 1:

Jesus Christ, reinhold, with the most amazing back springs, sensing the danger that is about to burst forth, backflips, as a wave of just black flame erupts from Gunter, and then standing there as the rest of the group, as Eric Egerton and Prometheus join you, standing there with just as the purple leather Well, what was actually um, it was actually flesh that had become went through um rigor mortis. That's why it has a purple coloration, so that burns up. And then what's standing for you? Is this strange, like black, looks like organic armor, with in between the cracks, is this purple, reddish color? With these it looks like horns. But also tentacles start breaking through his shoulders and then the top of his head, near the sides, the same long tentacle, like horns, break out from inside of his palm. A great portal splits open from his palm and he pulls a handle out, pulling out a great blade, and as he does, it seals shut. The blade lights with this black fire and he looks at you all and goes enough round two.

Speaker 7:

I'm gonna throw a Tangle Latham.

Speaker 1:

You're a fucking monster. How dare you use plot armor because you knew the secret of what would happen if Tangle gets damaged?

Speaker 6:

You fuck Honestly, I forgot, I forgot.

Speaker 4:

So, nava, if it makes you feel any better, I was gonna do that my next turn.

Speaker 1:

Nava, in a pure sign of genius, grabs Tangle, throws him with all of her strength at the Eldritch noble and with his elder blade he swings at Tangle. And the minute he hits Tangle, tangle lets out an inhuman, monstrous scream, and everyone you hear these bones snapping crunching. As Tangle, still screaming, as his skin scratches, ripping, and then what literally rips from Tangle, dropping in front of the Eldritch, noble standing, 11 feet tall is the transformed Tangle.

Speaker 6:

He just goes, it's alive, it's alive.

Speaker 1:

And Tangle goes for an attack. And Jesus fucking Christ, he rolled a 19. And you wanna know what he's attacking with everyone? Mother fucking lightning. That's a D8 plus four. It's my lightning fuckers and it's nuts Um guys, because this is lightning damage, I'm going to say that penetrates the armor. The Eldritch noble only has one HP left.

Speaker 2:

I would like to take my turn.

Speaker 1:

Poulta, go ahead, take your turn.

Speaker 2:

I'm gonna do a no-key and syntax.

Speaker 3:

Do your roll.

Speaker 2:

Okay, that is a 23. So her command is just walk up to this creature and says serve us well, little lamb.

Speaker 1:

And you're saying that to the transformed Tangle?

Speaker 8:

No, I'm saying that to the other.

Speaker 1:

He looks at you and he goes yes, my lord, and what do you want him to do? Is he killing?

Speaker 2:

himself. No, we need him alive.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, you're right. And with that he calms down and, like writhing from the ground, dead flesh from all the people that were in the city starts to wiggle and it crawls around Gunter, forming back into his suit. You see the bone snapping and forming back into that strange skull mask. And he goes my lord With still with a twisted head, turn, like as if his neck would snap at any second. And you have successfully defeated Gunter.

Speaker 1:

I still want that armor. Oh, the befouled plate. Yeah, remember, it's a tier four, so you won't be able to use your scrolls anymore. Oh wait well, you can have it. Then he looks at you and goes and, like the living flesh, opens up and you hear a snap cracking as this black armor just falls out, this strange blacky ecore like blood inside of the plate, reminding you of Dr Satan's blood actually.

Speaker 7:

Very interesting.

Speaker 1:

And you have some befouled plate with ecore, with eldritch ecore.

Speaker 6:

I'm just gonna load this up. It seems like you guys didn't need us at all, nope, so why have you guys been up?

Speaker 1:

to and tingle, oh sorry.

Speaker 6:

Well, you know that me and Egerton here ran into a friend of ours, Mary Gough.

Speaker 3:

Bok bok.

Speaker 6:

I'm sorry, I see a chicken. Bok oh yeah, that's from Aethius. He's the lost.

Speaker 8:

He's a friend.

Speaker 7:

Not exactly what I was thinking when Lus came to mind, but Wait, let's just tell you he can't be choosers and he's a very silky fucking chicken.

Speaker 8:

I think he wants to fuck books.

Speaker 3:

You know what? We'll just say that yes, I want to fuck books God damn it.

Speaker 7:

Hey, do we show them?

Speaker 1:

Thousands of years ago. No, no, this rhino just goes no.

Speaker 6:

Erichrach is big Look, Pervethius. We already got one blowhard, we don't need two.

Speaker 1:

Oh my intelligence Right.

Speaker 4:

That wolf guy never shuts up. No, no.

Speaker 7:

That's funny.

Speaker 6:

Crying, crying, god damn it. You know, I've always wanted turtle stew.

Speaker 1:

Tango, stop pouring salt on that chicken's head and Tangle is like snapping cracking, forming back into his normal Tangle self.

Speaker 7:

And he's just I'm going to go over to Tangle and pour it on my head and I said thanks for helping us out. Buddy, I owe you a favor.

Speaker 1:

It's as if you knew I would become a giant monster.

Speaker 7:

Oh, you almost fucked up. Love me, let me make it up to you.

Speaker 3:

I'll treat you to the dinner. Did they mean I get to have even more pig treats?

Speaker 7:

You can have pig treats, you can have roast beef, you can have roasted ass cheek.

Speaker 1:

Everything's coming up Tangle Anyway. So this is where we get to have a little fun, guys, because we're not going. I'm not going to make you do the large travel mechanics going all the way back to Graventosk and then worry about that, because I should have told you, besides the graveyard being ex-hurst as shit, the undertaker is also quite cursed as shit, and that's when you just hear that, yes, I see, you completed the best task actually, and Eric, coming out of your fucking shadow, is the Undertaker, so you've been in my shadow this entire time.

Speaker 3:

No, I'm always just close by. I just thought it would be quite dramatic if I came out of your shadow. You think I'm a mere Undertaker.

Speaker 6:

Oh well, I thought you were something completely different when I first met you. And yes, nava.

Speaker 3:

I sensed you had something to say.

Speaker 7:

I said I will give you points for style. That wasn't priceless.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, yes, just as I am a well, that is what you call one or the other Really old. Not like that Right right.

Speaker 6:

No, no, let me you're like, so let me guess.

Speaker 7:

I said that was nobody like Lantern man, so have you made your choice?

Speaker 6:

Anyway, as we said, we would bring him to you alive.

Speaker 3:

So you have made your choice. I am very pleased. First, let me do this Because give bringing him me alive, Of course that would make it doomed to where you would never be able to, and of course I'm not going to fuck you like that.

Speaker 1:

And he walks over to Gunter and this is when you see his arm just snap, bending in wrong directions, as it's the colors wrong. This is a color that's never been on this planet. It's as if it's a color from outer space, from outside space. And with this new strange arm he literally reaches in to Gunter's chest, towards his heart. I'll just be taking that.

Speaker 7:

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on. Nava takes a bite off Gunther's bicep. Okay, now you can have him.

Speaker 4:

Wait, don't forget to pay us.

Speaker 1:

And from within pulling out. It's not Gunter's heart that he just pulled out, it's a glass orb. It has that strange off color, mysterious color here. This is the first one you'll need. Part of the key, the answer to get within the Lich Queen's, keep that takes it and hands it to our cat character.

Speaker 7:

What's your character's name? Yeah, I'm gonna hand out the Polter. Here you go, sweetie.

Speaker 6:

And now, Eric, you were saying so that's what we have to start finding to get into the keep.

Speaker 3:

Yeah within each one of the strange citizens, within their body. Hight, what the Lich what Morgana gave to them to make them strange. Have any of you ever heard of an old factory?

Speaker 6:

Yeah, that may be it.

Speaker 7:

Hey, now I'm Okay. So what's the child up about it?

Speaker 3:

When I was under his knife, Well, what would you think if you used it all factory and turned it into a curse? Go on, but instead of being a detriment, you made it a curse that changes them into something that makes them different, makes them better.

Speaker 6:

I would say you're creating an army.

Speaker 3:

Well, yes, Did you know that Gunther there at his best he would have been able to destroy an entire nation.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, he couldn't defeat us.

Speaker 3:

Well, you did happen, to throw what we would call a dimensional Yeti atom.

Speaker 7:

I had to do that, love.

Speaker 3:

But good job. You defeated the weakest of the strange citizens and oh yes, first you have One down, 12 to go Exactly. You have 10 more to go. But you know what? I might as well tell the truth, because everyone's got it wrong. It's not just 11 citizens, because in reality, one is actually two, and, gunther, this one is very close to you, it's the one that killed your mommy.

Speaker 2:

They all come to her in the end, though.

Speaker 3:

But yes, it's finally time, it's time to meet the twins. Oh, and one last thing Polta Reinhold.

Speaker 1:

Sorry, can you repeat that? The Undertaker looks at Polta and Reinhold and goes and one last thing Polta, reinhold, the Undertaker grabs both of you by your heads and everyone in the party sees Polta and Reinhold's eyes, roll back in their heads violently. The Undertaker vanishes and Polta and Reinhold drop dead For the puberty. This is where the session ends For Reinhold and Polta. Now you see, in the world of Morkborg, when a player normally dies, you make a new character in everything. But I have made a special homebrewed mechanic that makes use of a very special expansion called the Econ. Now the Undertaker. You'll find out in time why exactly. Maybe he actually is a servant of the Econ.

Speaker 1:

But Polta and Reinhold find themselves in vast darkness and in front of them is just an ethereal figure. All they can see is just glowing FANG, a skeletal hand, and in the middle of the index and the middle finger is a die, and on this figure it looks like it wears a jester cap, and on the end of each tip is another die, and with the voice of thousands of voices at the same time. Hello, my children, it's been a long time. And then that is where we will pick up on the next session of Morkborg everyone, and I hope you're excited and pumped. And yeah, I hit you with a big cliffhanger at the end. I'm a little stinker, so till the next one, everyone, goodbye.

Return to Morkborg and Uncover Secrets
Conquering the Lands
Missing Members and Hairy Ass Shaving